InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ When the Heart Sings ❯ To Myself by Hoku ( Chapter 1 )

When the Heart Sings

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Disclaimer: Inuyasha is a product of Takahashi Rumiko-sama.

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Hey, everybody! I couldn't get the juices flowing for any of my current fanfics. I tried starting up a new chapter for every single one of them, but I just hit a blank.

Writer's Block: Mwuhahahaha!!!! You'll never conquer me, you silly little girl!

My solution? I start up another one! -.-; Don't ask. Anyway, this is just going to be a series of songfics in different peoples' perspectives. I'm not going to do the usual, cliché songs (like My Immortal or stuff you see everyday in songfics), but ones you've probably never heard of. I've dug out my old CDs and tried to find at least one song to fit every character.

So, without further ado, Enjoy!

When the Heart Sings

Chapter One: To Myself by Hoku

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'Everybody has a story to tell

And I'd like to share mine with you

But my heart is kind of fragile

And I just can't imagine'

Kagome stood in front of the full-length mirror that stood tall on her bathroom wall, eying her reflection with no little amount of scrutiny. Her hair was pulled loosely back into a horsetail at the base of her head with a purple butterfly clip while a pink sundress, decorated in purple butterflies that wrapped around the hem and up to her small waist, hugged her lithe form closely. Around her thin wrist rested a simple, silver charm bracelet, decorated in butterflies, hearts, and dog bones.

"Well, here it goes. I have to get over him sometime, and Hojo-kun is just the person to take my mind off that lovesick puppy," she sighed, trying her best to be optimistic on what had to be the worst week she'd ever lived.

Today marked the fifth day of her unofficial break-up with Inuyasha. Of course, he didn't know that. He was probably too busy with Kikyo to notice she was even gone. These thoughts didn't help her mood at all as tears welled up in her grey-blue eyes.

A frustrated growl left her throat as she stomped into the bathroom for the umpteenth time sense she'd come back home from the Feudal Era. Taking the damp washcloth that she'd already had out earlier today for obvious reasons, Kagome dabbed at the twin streaks of black that now ran over her cheeks. After taking care of that, she applied a little more mascara to her lashes and vowed not to cry again, at least not tonight.

Tonight, she was going to have fun, no matter what depressing, lonely, betrayed, forsaken thoughts her tired mind came up with. She'd have dinner with a nice guy who thought she was the epitome of perfection, dance till her feet hurt, and laugh and giggle and blush like a normal teenage girl on a date with her crush. She didn't need Inuyasha for her happiness.

In fact, the hanyou wasn't such a great catch anyway! He was rude and egotistical beyond compare. He had a temper hotter than the volcanoes in Hawaii and he took every chance he got to remind her how insignificant and useless and ugly and incompetent she was. He was violent and foul-mouthed and selfish and brave and sweet and cute and strong and- !

"Ack! No! I'm not supposed to be thinking of his good qualities!" Kagome scolded herself. Then, with a very unladylike snort, she added, "Like he has any good qualities."

Turning as she heard her brother call up to her from the bottom of the stairs, Kagome headed out the door and down the hall with one last glance at her reflection. Hojo waited in the living room, chatting happily with her little brother about his new video game, as she sauntered down the steps. He turned to her in his khaki trousers and tight, black t-shirt with an affectionate smile as she approached him.

"You ready, Hojo-kun?" Kagome asked him amiably, plastering on a smile she didn't feel in her heart.

'It's something that I ought to do

And I realize

I'm still hurting deep inside

Where love used to live'

Returning his date's smile with a brilliant one of his own, he answered, "Of course. You look even more stunning than usual, Higurashi."

Blushing gracefully and mumbled a "Thank you" before turning to the hall and grabbing her purse and her purple umbrella. It didn't look like it was going to rain, but you never could predict those summer showers.

The couple now sat at a table for two in the Suki Kappouten, sipping ice tea and chatting happily. They exchanged friendly smiles as Hojo tells Kagome of all the things she's missed in school.

As they continued to talk, Hojo's large hand slowly crept across the table to where Kagome's smaller hand rested.

'So I keep myself

To myself

I don't want nobody to know me (I keep myself)'

Kagome noticed out of the corner of her eye as her date was making a subtle attempt to hold her hand. Her eyes prickled with tears as she thought about Inuyasha and the time she'd held his hand after the first time he'd transformed. It had been so warm and rough, just like he was. It had been so gentle and comforting.

'I keep myself

To myself

I don't want no lover to own me'

Suddenly, she stood from the table, turning her head down in embarrassment. "I'm very sorry, Hojo-kun, but I have to go. I'm so sorry," she choked out, tears now fully streaming down her face. The boy watched, dumbfounded, as Kagome ran out of the restaurant. Sadly, he looked down at his hand and sighed miserably, laying his head down against the table.

Kagome ran down the darkened streets, back towards her home… and the Bone-Eater's Well. She sobbed as she remembered what exactly had transpired five days ago.

"Kikyo…" she heard a gruff voice from the direction of the Goshinboku Tree. Kagome set her backpack down as quietly as possible and crept closer to where the voices were coming from. Peeking around a tree, she saw Inuyasha and Kikyo embracing in the moonlight.

'My heart feels like it's all broken up

In tiny pieces that I'll never find'

Choking down a sob, Kagome turned from the heart-wrenching scene and began a slow trek back to the well. She didn't have the strength to face him right now… besides, he seemed to busy at the moment.

Kagome could feel her heart shatter into more pieces than the Shikon Jewel as she stumbled over roots and foliage, disoriented from the sheer force of the pain in her heart. Every step she took, it felt like a part of her soul, her very essence, fell away from her and onto the cool summer earth, leaving a trail of pain wherever she walked.

'And I hope that I will heal someday

I will feel again

But it might take a little more time

And can't you see?'

Choked sobs escaped her tight throat no matter how hard she tried to hold them back. Wave after wave of pain surged through her heart, making it feel as though someone was trying to rip the broken organ right out of her chest, pounding with the force of an elephant.

'I'm so isolated

No one's touchin' me

At least for now (at least for now)'

Kagome laid on her soft, pink bed, face buried in her pillow, muffling the heartbreaking sound of her weeping. It felt like she was slowly dying as images of that night flashed through her mind, tormenting her. When her friends called to see if she was alright after hearing about her running out on her date, Kagome never answered.

'So I keep to myself

To myself

I don't want nobody to know me (I keep myself)

I keep myself

To myself

I don't want no lover to own me'

She waited and waited for what seemed like eternity for the sobs to stop and the pain to go away. Eventually, after a few good, solid hours of grieving, Kagome finally lifted herself from her bed, sighing as she looked down at her wet pillow, thoroughly soaked and drenched with her sorrow. Hiccupping, she wobbled over to her bathroom to take a nice, long, hot bath to calm her nerves.

'Then in the shadows of yesterday

Only peace of mind is when I pray

That someday I can find a way back home

Until I'm ready (until I'm ready)

To love again (until I'm ready)

Until I'm ready (until I'm ready)

Until then'

Lowering herself into the tub, Kagome thought of what had happened. "Hojo must think I'm a total flake for running out like that. I'll have to find someway to make it up to him."

'(I keep myself)

Then in the shadow of yesterday

Only peace of mind is when I pray

That somehow I would find a way

I keep myself'

"I wish I could just get over Inuyasha and move on. It would be so nice to be loved. Hojo is such a nice guy and he really likes me and I could love him, too, someday."

'Then in the shadow of yesterday

Only peace of mind is when I pray

That somehow I would find a way

I keep myself'

"But, I don't think I'll ever get over Inuyasha. I'll never forget him. Even now, I still love him. I'd forgive him for everything if he just apologized now… I'm so pathetic…"

'I keep myself

To myself

I keep myself

I keep myself

To myself'

"… I only hope he's happy…"

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