InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ When You Wish Upon A Star... ❯ For Better or Worse ( Chapter 4 )

When You Wish Upon A Star...

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inu Yasha or pals. That credit belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I do however own the story idea.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I want to thank everyone for their reviews, they make me want to continue...even when there is a traffic jam on the old idea highway. This is the last chapter for this story....sorry, but it is longer than the other three. I set myself up for a serious ending, but even in the midst of seriousness, there is always a hint of laughter, you just have to look for it. I hope you like it....as always, read and enjoy.

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CHAPTER FOUR--For Better or Worse

They just sat in silence for a few minutes. Kagome was trying to collect her thoughts while Inu Yasha was trying to keep his blank. Now that the moment of truth had come, Kagome found that she was afraid to know what his answers were going to be. Her plan had the capability of shattering all of her fragile hopes and dreams. If he told her that she really was just a replacement, would she really be able to stay here? Then again, would she really be able to leave? If she did, she would be returning home missing her heart. It would stay here in the feudal era with the one that owned it.

While she tried to think of the best way to phrase her questions, her eyes drifted to the hole that they still sat beside. That must have hurt...it was pretty deep. Yeah, she had been angry, but she probably overreacted...at least a little.

"Inu Yasha, I am sorry about that." She gestured to the hole. He didn't move, just grunted a response that didn't seem to have any syllables. She could hear the mantra that he was chanting in his head and it made her smile.

Blank, blank...Keep it blank...

Well, the best way to do this was to do it quick. She would deal with the consequences later. Just like they said you should take off a band-aid---quick and painless. The only problem Kagome could find with that sentiment was that there had never been a band-aid that she had removed that didn't hurt. She didn't know who THEY were, but she was pretty sure that most of the things they said didn't prove to be true. She took a deep breath and turned to face the one person who could crush her dreams with just a thought.

He felt her turn toward him, but he didn't move. He couldn't look at her, he was afraid of what he would see. She didn't say anything, just waited for him to look at her. Her silence was driving him crazy. Finally he turned toward her slowly raising his eyes to hers. She was watching him with concern and compassion, although he also saw fear lurking in their depths. What could she be afraid of...I am the one that has to bare his soul. It never occurred to him that he had just answered his own question. She smiled at him gently and took his hand. Poor Inu Yasha, he looked so lost.

"We'll do this as quickly as possible, okay?" He just nodded. Now he couldn't tear his eyes away from hers. He wondered if she had learned to hypnotize people at the same time that she had learned to read minds. "Silly, I can't hypnotize anyone, and the only thoughts that I can read are yours. That is what I wished for."

"Why?" He croaked.

"Because you never actually tell me anything. I always have to guess what you are thinking and feeling. I just wanted to be let in for once...." Her voice trailed off and she looked up at the stars again. He stared at her profile. She wanted to read my thoughts because she thinks that I block her out? Doesn't she realize that she has gotten closer to me than anyone else ever has? "How could I know anything Inu Yasha, when all you ever do is insult me?" Her voice was rough with pain and he winced.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. She turned to look at him again, and was surprised by the emotion on his face. It was as if the mask of cold, unfeeling, impartiality had fallen off and it exposed the sad little boy underneath. A little boy who was afraid of being hurt again. She squeezed his hand lightly.

"Inu Yasha, who am I to you?" He blinked at her in confusion. A memory flashed through his mind, one that made her smile. He was still pinned to the tree, looking down at her. He had said something to her in contempt and had called her Kikyo again. Her temper had snapped. She had pulled herself up so that they were nose to nose and she had yelled at him. Listen you, my name is Kagome. KA-GO-ME. Well, at least he knows my name, she thought wryly.

"Ok, let me rephrase the question. WHAT am I to you?"

"You are my friend...my partner." I'm not good with words. You know that. Let me show you what you are to me instead. More memories flooded his mind, making Kagome gasp. She was a part of every one of them. Not only could she see the memories, but she felt some of his emotions as he relived them. She watched as she got into scrape after scrape, needing him to rescue her. She felt his anger and frustration. She watched as she was wounded in their second battle with Sesshomaru. She felt his concern, his anger when she was hurt and the relief when he found out that she was okay. She watched as he hugged her by the well, and felt his fear of losing her. She watched as she comforted Sango and felt his pride and compassion. She saw herself playing with Shippo and she felt his longing to join in. She watched as she sat beside Inu Yasha one night, just watching the stars. She felt his warmth and friendship. Lastly, she saw the first night that he had become human in her presence. She felt his longing for her to comfort him. You are so much more to me than I could ever say out loud. You make me calm and feel at ease. You accept me for what and who I am. No one has done that since my mother.

Kagome stared at him in shock. She had never guessed that he felt that way about her. She had expected him to show her a ball and chain around his neck, a shard detector...nothing else. Her heart swelled in her chest, making it feel like it was about to burst. But suddenly an icy wind blew across her mind, and it spoke one word. Kikyo.

"What about Kikyo?"

"What about her?" He growled.

"Didn't she make you feel those things too?" Of all the answers she did expect, harsh laughter was not one of them.

"I loved Kikyo, but she never made me feel peaceful or calm. She was too wrapped up in her duty to protect the jewel. And she never accepted me as I was, she just saw me for who I could be." She heard the bitterness and pain in his tone, but his thoughts were full of sorrow. She felt that she wasn't quite human either. She kept herself distant from people because of her duty to protect the jewel. She never could embrace life, or let life embrace her fully. You are so alive...

"Then why do you want to go to hell with her?" Kagome sobbed into her hands. She could no longer look at him. "You say you like me because I am so alive...and yet you run off to be with her all the time. She is dead Inu Yasha." She heard his gasp and regretted her harsh words immediately, but she wouldn't take them back.

"Because of me."

"What?"

"She is dead because of me. She is undead because of me. How could I possibly not go to her?" You are the one that taught me about honor and loyalty. Why can't you understand this?

"I do understand Inu Yasha, but I don't think that you do. Honor and loyalty are all well and good, but those things do not urge people to needlessly throw away their lives. You go to her because you are still in love with her, no other reason." Kagome's voice broke and she stood up. "You did not cause her death Inu Yasha, that was Naraku, although you are guilty of not trusting enough and stealing the jewel, but not her death. You also did not cause her to be brought back to life, that was the witch Urasue. Kikyo remains in this world because of hatred. But you still love her. You go because you have never forgotten her...not even for an instant." Kagome's voice was sad and she couldn't hide the slight bitterness she felt for a love that would never be realized. She turned to head back to the campsite. Inu Yasha still hadn't moved from where he sat by the hole. "I think that is all that I can stand to hear tonight. I am going to sleep."

Inu Yasha just sat there, thinking about what Kagome had said. Yes, he had loved Kikyo. He admitted that freely. He went to her now because she was scared and alone. He wanted to provide the kind of comfort Kagome gave him. It hurt him to know that she wasn't at peace. She didn't deserve to wander the world as one who was neither living or dead. Did he still lover her? That was a tougher question. She was no longer the woman that he had known. Then she had been a caring, generous and forgiving person, even if she was a bit aloof. Now all that she wanted was revenge and death.

Had he trusted her, obviously not. Kagome had earned his trust through their travels. He couldn't remember how many times she had risked her own life to save his own. He would never think that Kagome would betray him, although he had jumped to that conclusion about Kikyo quickly enough.

Was it true that he hadn't forgotten about her? For fifty years she had been in his dreams, and they hadn't always been pleasant, but then he woke up to find Kagome before him. Perhaps at first he was still thinking of his former love, but hadn't Kagome's face gradually replaced Kikyo's in his heart? When he thought of Kikyo now, he saw Kagome's soul shining in her eyes. His heart lurched at that thought. Kagome's soul...not Kikyo's reincarnated soul. Kagome's.

He wanted to protect Kikyo from having to go through any more pain and sorrow, but he no longer wanted to accompany her to hell. He wanted to live. He wanted to live...with Kagome. He wanted to see her play with their pups the way that she played with Shippo. He wanted to be sure that her scent was the first thing that greeted him in the morning and the last thing he smelled before falling asleep at night. He loved her.... Kagome.

But what did she actually think of him? He knew that she cared, but she cared about everyone. That was one of the things that he loved about her. He knew that he hurt her every time he went off in search of Kikyo, and that gave him hope. Why would that hurt her unless she loved him too? The thought of Kagome with someone else tore his heart apart, and made him want to tear apart whoever was with her. Thus the reason that he always wanted to kill that stupid wolf Kouga. Trying to lay claim to what was his. Inu Yasha whined softly. No, Kouga was trying to lay claim to what he wanted to be his.

Inu Yasha stood up and walked determinedly back to camp. There were some things that Kagome had neglected to ask, and he wasn't going to let that happen. He could tell that she wasn't sleeping. She was crying. He could hear the hitching gasps for breath and smell the saltiness on the air.

"I am sorry Kagome." He said softly. She didn't turn around to look at him, she just nodded her head.

"You don't have to apologize for your feelings, Inu Yasha. I already knew, I just had to have my thoughts confirmed. For better or worse, I now know where I stand."

"I think that you forgot to ask me a couple of questions Kagome."

"I really don't want to hear any more."

"I don't give a damn. If you won't ask them, I will." She would have laughed when he began to do an eerie impression of her voice, if she hadn't been wallowing in self pity.

"What are you going to do with the jewel once it is completed, dog breath?"

"What's it to you, wench?" He growled. I don't want it any more. You keep it. I don't want to become a demon any longer...not if it means that I may hurt the people that I care about. That I might hurt you.

"Oh, okay, I guess that I will just take it with me when I leave." Inu Yasha mimicked.

"Fine, go, see if I care." I care! Don't leave me Kagome. I don't want to be alone. I can't go on if you aren't with me. I don't have any reason to.

"You have Kikyo." He replied in her voice.

"Feh." I don't want her. I want her to be at peace, but I don't want her. I did love her...probably still do in some way, but its you that I want to be with now. It is you that I see in my future, not her. I can't imagine my life without you."

"Do you mean that?" Kagome breathed. She let out the breath that she hadn't even realized that she had been holding throughout his conversation with himself. She turned to look at him, seeing the hope in his golden eyes.

"Finally taking on your own lines I see." He smirked. I mean it, every word. I love you Kagome. I want you with me. I want you by my side, I want you to be the mother of my pups... An image formed in his mind of children with black hair and white dog ears on the tops of their heads. I want to grow old with you...I want to become human for you.

"No."

Inu Yasha felt as if Sesshomaru had once again run his hand through his chest. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak, he couldn't think. She had said no. His ears flattened against his head and he turned away from her quickly, hoping to be in the woods before the tears began to fall. He had just made a complete fool out of himself. He had presumed to much. Damn. One tear slid down his cheek unnoticed.

"Baka, you didn't let me finish." She said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back. "I don't want you to become human for me. I didn't fall in love with a human, I fell in love with an irritable, violent, obnoxious, jerk of a hanyou....why would I want that to change?" She paused for a moment, lost in thought. "But you are nicer to me in that form..."

"What?"

"I thought those dog ears were there for more than just show. I said that I don't want you to become human..."

"Not that part. Please, say it again. I need to hear you say it." He turned remaining within the circle of her arms. He locked his own around her and looked into her eyes. They seemed to be made of molten gold. His eyes searched hers for the truth behind what she had just said. Could she have really said it? Did she love him?

"You are nicer to me in that form..." She teased. She heard his growl and gave in to his pleading. "I love you Inu Yasha. I have from the moment I touched those cute ears of yours." She smiled at him impishly.

"Are you sure Kagome?"

"About what?"

"All of it?" I feel like I am dreaming. This is too good to be true.

"Its true Inu Yasha. I am yours, for as long as you want me...." She sighed happily, content to be in his arms.

Forever wouldn't be long enough...

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"Wake up fool. It is time to go. You have been asleep too long as it is." Kagome blinked and opened her eyes. Inu Yasha stood over her glaring. Shippo was eating something from her bag and grinning at her.

"Huh?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes. What was going on? She looked at Inu Yasha and tried to read what he was thinking, but got nothing but a strange look. A dream...it was all a dream? Tears came to her eyes, and she tried to blink them away before he saw them. She didn't want to answer questions about why she was crying.

She should have known it was too good to be true. She could still feel his warm embrace and hear those last words whisper through her mind. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. But maybe this was a sign that she wasn't just hoping in vain. Maybe he really did have feelings for her. She shrugged and got out of her sleeping bag.

"I am going to get a bath." She couldn't resist adding the rest of her thought. "And don't you dare go peeping, Inu Yasha." She continued on to the stream, unaware of the dark blush staining the hanyou's cheeks and the shocked expression in his wide, golden eyes.

How did she find out about that?