InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Wicked ❯ Intensity ( Chapter 7 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 7: Intensity

W-what? Sesshoumaru – and my mother? How's that possible? Inuyasha's mind was almost blank, only those few thoughts whirling through the blackness like fire. None of it made any sense...

Kagome was shocked as well, though hers was less personal, of course, and more centered on such a long held secret being revealed, and the fact that it touched her friend's life so deeply. That was why, when the rest of the tachi came running into the clearing, she was able to get them to stay back, calming them and keeping them out of the confrontation.

Sesshoumaru stared at his father, anger, confusion, and pain coalescing inside his mind until he couldn't be sure of anything any longer. You would have stood aside and let me have her – if I had been honest? His sword-point dropped slightly as he took in his father's words.

“But you will not back away this time? Her soul already calls for you, does it, father? Then why have you not mated her?” he asked suspiciously, that one thought shining through the morass of darkness in his mind.

“Because she is not ready. I will not force myself on her, Sesshoumaru – I have more control than that-” he glanced across the field at her, “-though the wait tries every bit of patience that I have. Kagome cannot be Izayoi for you, my son – you who claim that she would be a worthy mate would dishonor her by using her for no more than vengeance?”

Sesshoumaru considered his father's words as his sword dropped a bit more, and looked over at Kagome weighingly, then down at the ground. That would not be an honorable thing, he frowned to himself. She is worth more than that, it is true, though she is human – as was Izayoi...

Inuyasha's mind had, meanwhile, woken up, and now it was his turn to be pissed as hell as he stalked forward to stand between the two dai's. “Why the fuck are you two bastards standing here talking about my mother like she was some piece of shit whore to be passed between the two of you?” he snarled. Turning blazing eyes on his father, he glared angrily into the inu Lord's gaze. “Did you never even love her?! Was she just the lay of the day, or something?”

His anger was complete, and even the sudden rage from Sesshoumaru at his words did not set any caution into him. “You will stay silent, half-breed, and not speak of her that way!” he snapped.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about my mother!” he roared. “All my damn life you've called me names, belittled me, tried to kill me, and all because of my so-called weak human blood – and now I come to find out that it was all a lie?!”

“The truth of the matter, Sesshoumaru,” their father's cool voice broke in, “is that you were angry not that Inuyasha had human blood – but that his youkai blood did not come from you. You were jealous that he was not yours. But it should not have been something you took out on him – your failure to bring your feelings for Izayoi to my attention was not his mistake.” He turned his attention to Inuyasha, then. “As for me – yes, I held feelings for your mother, Inuyasha – though they were not all-encompassing, they were there. I honored her, as should you. You will not take your anger at your brother and myself out on one who has done nothing to deserve your ire.”

Sesshoumaru still stood, staring at the ground, as he thought over everything that had been said. After a moment, he looked back up, meeting his father's strong gaze. “So you wish to make me believe that your feelings for the miko are all-encompassing?”

Mattaki considered his son for a minute, then looked over to meet Kagome's suddenly embarrassed face, and said, “It does not matter what you believe, Sesshoumaru – only what the truth is. And the truth is that she is mine, just as I am hers. You know what it is I speak of when I say those words. You know what they mean to a youkai.”

With a once-again stoic expression, he sheathed Tokijin, and tilted his head to his father slightly. “I withdraw my challenge.” He made to leave the clearing, pausing when his father's voice reached him once more.

“Will you hold your grudge forever, Sesshoumaru?”

Without looking back, the younger dai said, “I do not know what the future may hold. For now, all I can say is that there is much for me to consider.” Then he continued on his way, disappearing into the trees at the far end of the field like a ghost.

Mattaki nodded, not surprised, and turned his attention to his youngest son. Striding towards the boy, he held out Tessaiga, waiting for him to take it, before saying, “Is there anything further you wish answered, Inuyasha?”

With an upset, low-register growl, he shook his head, taking Tessaiga and sheathing it once more at his hip. “No – not right now. I need to go think – to get away from everyone for a while, so don't anybody follow me,” he said over his shoulder to the rest of the still silent group, before taking off into the trees.

The Inu Lord watched his son leave the clearing, then turned to look at Kagome, walking up to her on silent feet as he dismissed the other members of the group from his mind. “You have a question,” he said quietly. “Ask.”

Kagome looked up and met his burnished gold gaze. “What did you mean, 'what those words mean to a youkai'? Why did just hearing them make Sesshoumaru withdraw?”

Mattaki looked at her with no expression for a moment, then he smiled, and Kagome's knees instantly weakened. “When humans speak of love, I have always had to hold back a laugh – because the human concept of love is so weak, and oftentimes completely self-centered; it is something that fades with time. When I say that you are mine, just as I am yours, it is a statement of totality. Time does not wear on a claim such as that. It ties both of us together – as though we were one being. There is nothing more all-encompassing, or closer, than that.”

Lips parting in stunned surprise, Kagome stared up at him, not even noticing as the rest of the group began to file out of the clearing, talking amongst themselves about all the startling things that had happened in the less than a week that Mattaki had been back amongst the living.

“W-why would you tell me this,” she whispered, her eyes searching his. “You tell me that love means nothing, basically, and then say... that. One person? Is that even possible?”

“Don't you know? Close your eyes and listen,” he said softly. “Hear me, feel me. I am part of you. I already live within you.” He reached out and caught her hand in his. “And you live within me. What is better than that?”

She stared at him for a moment, and then her gaze lowered to the ground between them as he released her hand, and went distant. Better? Is he... right? Is being one person together better than a human definition of love? Or is it really... the same?

Her head jerked back up as he spoke again. “Close your eyes, and feel. I will show you what I mean.” Obediently, almost morbidly curious at this point, she closed her eyes, breath held, and waited. For what, she didn't know, but she was ready to find out.

With a veritable explosion of youki, her world-view changed within a heartbeat, and suddenly, she understood the intensity of feeling that he was speaking of. It frightened her.

It was as if her soul was no longer still, instead, her soul and his were twining together, constantly moving in between his body and her own, writhing in and out of each other and combining into one being in two bodies, endlessly in motion, from her, to him, and back again. Over and over the cycle repeated. It was the single most intimate thing that could ever exist – even the sexual act could never compete with what she'd experienced in that moment of time.

As her eyes came open in fear and desire, she began to cry – she didn't know if she'd ever be ready for something like this.

But it didn't matter – because he was right – she was his, as he was hers.

And he was right about something else, as well – it wasn't the same. Love didn't even come close to touching what she'd just experienced...

Even though it was with someone who was practically a stranger.

-wWw-

Kagome had avoided being alone with Mattaki after that experience in the field. Finding out that they were now as close to one being as two people could be who hadn't actually finished the mating bond, hadn't changed her fear.

It had actually increased it.

She had spent the last two days thinking through everything, and despite the fact that he'd told her that she needed to listen to her instincts more, she couldn't reconcile her heart and her mind. The two just refused to work together.

Heart wanted to give in, it wanted to stop fighting this thing, to merge itself with Mattaki completely as he so obviously wanted. But mind...

Mind wanted to run and hide – to find a place that he could never find her and bury herself there... where it was safe – safe from him, his desire, his passion - and his sheer burning need.

On top of that schism within her being, were all the questions that had come with that confrontation between Mattaki and Sesshoumaru. So much of Sesshoumaru's personality, and anger, had been explained... but it left even more questions in its wake – and those questions needed answers.

That was why she found herself sitting in the well clearing with Mattaki and a just returned Inuyasha. He had questions, too, and Mattaki felt that, because Kagome had been dragged into the mess through Sesshoumaru's interference, plus her status as his own intended mate, she had the right to hear what had occurred in the past as well.

It was awkward, but Kagome started it out with a question of her own. “There's something I don't understand. Wasn't Sesshoumaru still just a child when you met Inuyasha's mother?”

Mattaki shook his head. “Sesshoumaru would have been the human equivalent of about sixteen summers, while Izayoi was fifteen summers.”

Her expression lightened with understanding. “Oh... I understand. I sometimes forget that people in this era married so young – or even younger.”

Inuyasha understood her words, knowing more about her era than his father; but the elder daiyoukai didn't, and asked. “Is that considered young by your era's standards?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “In fact, in my time, even at seventeen, I'm considered still too young, really. You aren't even considered an adult until you're eighteen.”

He looked taken aback at that, but, taking note of Inuyasha's sudden impatience, he held back his own questions, and waited for his son to speak.

“Who met my mother first?” Inuyasha asked.

Mattaki sighed, his eyes going distant; it was apparent his mind was back in the distant past. “Sesshoumaru – though I did not know it at the time. He never mentioned her to me, and I did not realize that he had befriended her, as he kept his relationship with her a secret – from her family as well.”

Inuyasha nodded distantly. “And how did you meet her?”

“I was the Lord of the West – her father was a mortal daimyo under my rule.” He smiled a little, lost in his memories. “I was visiting him when she caught my eye – she was very beautiful, after all. She was betrothed to that filth Takemaru, and while she was fond of him, she held no feelings for him as a wife would. It wasn't long before I spoke to her of my desire for her.”

Kagome shifted uncomfortably, suddenly not sure she wanted to hear this. The hime must have been a beautiful woman... and she was not. What could he possibly want with her?

“Okay, I don't need to know about all that part of it-” Inuyasha flushed and looked away, “-that's not my business. So... all this time, Sesshoumaru only hated me because he hesitated and didn't get the girl. Is that the basics?”

A nod. “Yes. I didn't find out about his interest in her until I had already taken her as my mistress – and she had conceived you. He had gone to see her, and scented me all over her... and the fact that she was pregnant.” Mattaki looked down at the ground. “He went beast, and disappeared for almost a month – and when he came back, he was the icy, driven, power-hungry, angry being he is now... though he is finally starting to thaw, thankfully.”

Kagome smiled a little at that. “It's because of Rin, I think. She's changing him – waking him up.” She looked up and caught his eye. “Did you see her when you went to get the Tenseiga from him to bring Kikyou back?”

At that, Mattaki chuckled, and nodded, pinning Inuyasha with a golden gaze. “Oh, hai, I did, and she is, indeed, why he is calming down. But that is no surprise – and it is none that she found him, either.”

A mystified look crossed both Kagome and Inuyasha's faces. “Keh. What do ya mean?” he asked.

“Rin is Izayoi's reincarnation. I am surprised that you did not notice something familiar in her yourself, Inuyasha,” he told his dumbfounded son. He sighed again, and looked away, staring off into blue skies almost sadly. “I did not realize that Izayoi also had feelings for Sesshoumaru, though she did not realize his for her, and when I made my interest known, her father pushed her towards me, despite her betrothal to Takemaru, for the power he thought a closer alliance with me would bring, youkai or not.”

Kagome felt a jolt of sadness hit her for the young human princess trapped in a world of power and politics, and losing the chance for happiness with the one she had loved. “How did you find out about her feelings for Sesshoumaru?” she almost whispered, her imagination caught up in the sad fate of Izayoi.

“When Sesshoumaru returned from wherever it was he disappeared to, I noticed her reaction to him – and it was then that I began to put two and two together.” He glanced at his son, who was looking as upset as Kagome had ever seen him. “I felt badly, but there was nothing to be done. It was then that I confronted Sesshoumaru over it – though I never told him of Izayoi's feelings... I thought it would only pain him more. He stayed away, after that – not wanting to see her again.”

Inuyasha had clenched his fists and was staring at them, obviously upset and trying to deal with far too many shocks over the last week or so. It was clear that he'd had no idea that his mother had not been in love with his father – and even clearer that the thought that she had loved the being that had been so cruel to him during his lifetime was something that was going to take a great deal of getting used to. Kagome watched him sadly, hoping that he would be okay – maybe she should talk to Kikyou, and get her to try to talk to Inuyasha. He needed it.

Mattaki waited patiently for his son to decide whether he had any other questions or not.

He was a bit startled at the question that did come. “Are you going to tell the bastard about Rin?”

“No, and neither will you.” He sent a penetrating glance to his youngest. “The reason for this is something you should be well acquainted with, Inuyasha – I do not want poor Rin to feel she is being taken for someone else as she grows and she and Sesshoumaru get to find the happiness they did not get before. As your brother does not realize who she is, she will be able to be loved for herself – as Rin, and not because she was once Izayoi.”

Kagome winced at that, and Inuyasha growled slightly as he noticed her reaction, feeling guilty again. For so long, he'd placed Kagome in just that situation... and it had only caused her pain, and harm to her psyche, making her unable to trust that even when they were together, he was really seeing her, and not Kikyou.

He couldn't argue the point – and for him, it was going to be hard enough the next time they ran across his brother, and he had to look at Rin, and know that she was carrying the same soul as his mother. He looked away, upset, as that thought really began to sink in.

“Keh. This shit is just too much. Why'd you have to come back, old man? My life was complicated enough – and now you've just made it a thousand times worse,” he said softly, his voice depressed. With a shaky sigh, he stood up. “I need some more time – I'm gonna go off and think for a while. We'll leave in the morning.” He paused for a second, looking as though he wanted to say something more, then shook his head and left.

The silence he left behind was deafening in its loudness.

Kagome cleared her throat, shifting away from the big inu still lounging on the grass. “I... I should get going back to the village,” she said nervously. “I need to talk to Kikyou, anyway.”

His arm shot out, grabbing her wrist and holding her in place. “You were bothered by my tale – why?”
An indignant expression crossed her face. “What about that tale wouldn't bother me? Out of all of you, I feel sorry for Izayoi – her life spoiled for your pleasures. Was it worth it?” She shuddered. “Your way of thinking is just too foreign – I can't see anything ever working between you and I. You need to just leave me alone and find a nice youkai female that sees things the same way you do!”

With a sharp tug on her wrist, he pulled her into him, eyeing her with a dark expression on his beautiful face. “So... you are feeling inadequate. Do not think I will let you ever escape me – and especially not for your petty fears.”

Eyes wide, Kagome watched, spellbound, as his eyes shifted, crimson bleeding into the pupil, and shivered when she saw his intent enter his gaze. He lowered his mouth to hers...

And she was lost.

-wWw-

A/N: See? No cliffie this time - I actually managed to avoid doing that to you guys again. As for the whole Rin-Izayoi thing, I thought, hey, why not? I've seen her used as Kikyou's reincarnation in several stories, but this was a new take on things, so I used it.

You friendly neighborhood story-writer,

Amber