InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Windows on the West ❯ Kagome's Heart ( Chapter 39 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer:  I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

~oOo~

Kagome sat, back against the well, and sighed, scrubbing her cheeks and rubbing her eyes to rid them of the irritation of her earlier tears.  

When that dragon had attacked earlier, she'd been by turns terrified, angered, and saddened, and it had taken its own toll on her, even above the physical exhaustion that had come from using her powers again after so long.  She was out of practice, and she reluctantly admitted to herself that she was going to need to begin working with them again.

In a way, she had to admit she was surprised at Sesshoumaru's response to what had happened – she had expected him to be angry that she had not finished the youkai off.  And his words... the things he had said to her!  She had been truly surprised at them.  

“This one is alpha, Kagome.  As alpha, it is my duty to take care of you in all ways.  To do this thing would damage you here.  I would be remiss as alpha if I allowed such a thing to happen.  Go back to the village, and join the feast that is still going on - I will track this dragon and take care of this matter myself.”

Sure, he'd said it was a duty, but... she couldn't help but think that he'd not ever seemed to worry about her heart or soul before, when she had first joined him.  So what had changed?

A pulse of hope went through her, then, and she inhaled, before dropping her face into her hands and almost whimpering.  Oh, she knew what her silly heart hoped for... but it was impossible, and that same hope was slowly killing her.  She wished it would just go away.

She'd known for some time already that she was in love with the opinionated daiyoukai – she'd suspected it well before she'd been returned home after the defeat of Naraku.  And the time spent in her era, away from him, had pretty much confirmed it.  He'd won her heart, but because of who he was, that knowledge only caused her grief.

After all, he's Sesshoumaru.  And he doesn't like humans.  On top of that, he's the Lord.  He has to find a youkai female to have children with, she thought dejectedly as she raised her head again.  Besides... I could only give him hanyou children, and he hates them worse than humans.

She supposed she should just feel happy with the fact that he had claimed her as pack, and informed her that they would continue to travel together for their lifetimes.  But... When he eventually does get married, what will I do?  Will I be able to stay so close and watch him be with another?  I want him to be happy, but I think that would kill me.  I'd have to leave if that happened.  No... when that happens.  Because sooner or later, I am going to lose him entirely – even the little of him that I have now.

Tears once more burned at the corners of her eyes, but she was so tired from her tears before, that she couldn't seem to let them out, and eventually, they faded into resignation.  She tilted her head down to stare at her hands, taking distant note of the slender, elegant digits.  These hands will no longer be able to make him his tea, or prepare the food he brings.  That will end up being someone elses job.

That thought really hurt, and her breath caught in her throat for a moment.  It took several seconds to get herself together enough to force air back into her lungs again, but she finally managed.  Still...

All of that doesn't answer why he's been acting so different with me lately.  Is he perhaps becoming more comfortable with me?  I mean... her finger traced her eyelid along the path his had when he'd wiped at her tears earlier, and then clasped over her heart where he'd placed his hand so gently.  He's never touched me like that before.  He was so gentle.  He doesn't even really touch Rin that way.

And once more, that hope that wouldn't die, though it was also so entirely frail, raised its trembling head, and she shook her head at herself, resigned to always feeling that way.  I'll probably feel that way 'til the day he does get married.  And then... she remembered the fairy tale she'd been assigned to translate in English class – The Little Mermaid.*  Just like her, all my hope will then be gone.

She knew that the day he took a wife would be the day their fates would be sundered.  With every bone in her body, she knew she'd be unable to stay, no matter what he had promised.  She'd have to strike out on her own... Oh, but it will be so lonely!  I couldn't take Shippo with me, even – he needs to stay where he can learn what being a youkai means, and I can't teach him that.  And then... who will I have?  I'll look forward to seeing my family again, only to lose them once more within such a few short years.  

She sighed, a bittersweet sound, at the pulse of power from behind her and almost bristled with pleasure as his aura settled around her.  Swallowing heavily, she resolved to enjoy every moment she had with him, so that she'd have something to remember for the rest of the lonely centuries.

“Do you still mourn the fate of the dragon, miko?”  came a soft voice, and she shook her head a little, before looking at him over her shoulder.  He stood like a beacon against the deep darkness of the forest behind him, and to her, he was; he had become her lodestone, and she feared losing that.  But there was nothing she could do...

“A little, I suppose,”  she said finally, turning back to stare at the ground before her raised knees.  “But I can't help but think that maybe... he's happier being dead now.  I mean, he was suffering so badly, inside.  He must feel some relief to find peace in death.  At least, I can hope so.”

“You have an open heart, Kagome,”  he said slowly, as he moved into the moonlight to sit next to her.  “Your compassion for all those around you sometimes confuses me.  But it is endlessly fascinating to watch how you interact with the world – never do you react in a manner I ever would.”

“Is that a bad thing?”  she asked uncertainly.

He looked over at her, then, and studied her for several silent moments.  And then he did something unexpected, and completely awe-inspiring to Kagome... he smiled, just a tiny bit, and shook his head, silver locks touched by moonlight shimmering around him.  She gasped softly and her eyes widened – he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and she knew she'd never forget this one moment in time, ever.  She would always remember him thus.

“No... it is not.  I am youkai, and though I carry more power than any other, still, there are many other youkai.  But you... you are Kagome – and there is no other like you.”  His tone became almost formal,  for a moment.  “This one would have it no other way.  And after all, this Sesshoumaru has always had an interest in things that are unique.”

She stared at him for a few moments, eyes wide, and then a brilliant smile lit her face, and Sesshoumaru was content.  He had made her smile in spite of her sadness.

Soon, little miko, you will know just how far my interest goes.  And then we will have much to speak of.

Another silence fell in the clearing as the two leaned against the well settled back to watch the skies, but it was a comfortable silence...

And even a happy one.

~oOo~

A/N:  And there we see Kagome's feelings, and what she thinks of her situation.  Won't she be surprised when she finally figures it all out?

*The Little Mermaid reference from earlier was indeed, a nod to Youkai Yume's doujinshi Raindrops.  I just absolutely love that – its probably my most favorite story of them all.

Amber



Converting /tmp/phpOKKAFS to /dev/stdout