Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Angry Video Game Nerd Saves Kingdom Hearts! ❯ Chapter 5

Angry Video Game Nerd Saves Kingdom Hearts!

By Charles Xavier

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Chapter Five

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“Well, your gaming skills may not have helped, but thanks to your Power Glove, we can all celebrate in peace once more!” King Mickey firmly shook hands with the Nerd, who still had his Power Glove on. A grand applause echoed through the Disney Castle, and the Nerd felt overwhelmed. He never expected to meet such praise. “Thank you, Angry Video Game Nerd, for saving us!”

“Gee,” the Nerd scratched his brain nervously. “I haven’t prepared any speech or anything…but all I have to say to you, Mickey, is: stay away from shitty games!”

“Is there any game you actually like?” Yuffie asked curiously.

“No. What kind of stupid ass question is that?”

Sora and his friends chuckled. The Nerd may have had a sour attitude towards video games, but he was one hell of a hero to beat Kefka all by himself. With the worlds safe and sound and Kingdom Hearts out of greedy hands, it seemed like his work here was done.

“Nerd?” Kairi approached him. “I want to thank you again for what you’ve done. I was wondering…would you care to hang out with us in Destiny Islands? You’re welcome to stay if you wish.”

“No, thanks.” the Nerd kindly rejected her invite. “I have a job to do. And that’s to return home to start reviewing some more ball sucking games! So, Mickey, how do I get back?”

Uh-oh. It appeared Mickey hadn’t an answer for that. “Gosh, I didn’t think about that before I brought you here…I’m not sure.”

“WHAT?” the Nerd yelled from the top of his lungs. “Don’t tell me I have to live the rest of fucking life stuck inside this piss smelling, diarrhea vomiting ass farm! I’d rather puke on woolly wet mammoth shit! I’d rather eat all the hair out of my scrotum! I’d rather brush my teeth with a dry turd! I’d rather wipe my ass with a dead skunk! I’d rather super glue my ass shut together! I’d rather drown in gasoline while jamming a fork into my dick hole! This is fucking cock-a-doodle bull shit! Xenmas’ my ass and Ansem’s my balls! This fucking sucks so much it fucks! This is-”

Nobody could take his ranting anymore. It was beyond knowledge to see how the newest hero in town had quickly sunk below to become a sheer nuisance. The Nerd just didn’t know when to stop, and Mickey tried to think of the best solution to solve this matter.

And something hit him.

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Three weeks later…

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“Hey, Sora!”

“Yuffie!” Sora welcomed her into his house. Kairi and Riku were there to greet her also. “What brings you here?”

“Check out this old game I found in the store!” Yuffie displayed the cartridge in her hand, titled: ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’. “Care to try it out?”

“Fine with me.” Riku shrugged.

“Sure!” said Kairi. “We haven’t played a good game for a long time. It’s always great to try some classics.”

“I’m sure glad King Mickey got rid of that Nerd. He was such a pushover!” Sora exclaimed, plugging in his old Nintendo Entertainment System. “I wonder what happened to him?”

As the screen flickered on and the game started, a series of pleas erupted from the TV. The Nerd appeared, dressed in the role as Dr. Jekyll himself.

“Oh, Christ Almighty! Spare me from this fucking horrible abomination of all mankind! Why do I have to be trapped in this cock sucking game? Turn off the goddamn console and smash this game to pieces! End this misery already! I’m begging you! PLEASE! STOP!”

The Nerd poked his walking stick at the enemies in the game, which of course, did nothing to help him. “Come on! Get the hell away from me, you cunts!” They ganged up, beating the living daylights out of him, until he regrettably transformed into the hideous Mr. Hyde. “Oh, shit! Don’t tell me I’m gonna die!” And just when he made his first step, lightning struck him and the game automatically ended with a ‘Game Over’.

“Um…what just happened?” Sora frowned.

“Looks fun to me!” Yuffie snagged the controller. “Let’s all take turns! Nyuk! Nyuk!”

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The End

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