Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Burn ❯ Chapter 16 Axel ( Chapter 16 )

Burn

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Kingdom Hearts or Kingdom Hearts II, no matter how much I want to. I'm just borrowing them.

A/N: This was originally supposed to be Chapter 15, but I decided that I needed to tie things together first and add some back story. I also needed to explain why Axel didn't know Reno was his brother and I obviously couldn't do that from Axel's POV so I decided that I needed to add another chapter in from someone else's POV and who better than Reno? So that's what happened.

Chapter 16 Axel

Oh. My. God. That's all I can say. I thought I had seen everything, heard everything, experienced everything, but I was wrong. This can't be real. God, I can't believe this is real. This is a dream, right? Eventually I'll face the facts and realize this is real, all of it. But I still can't believe it.

Everything started out normally enough. Got up, got dressed, went with Demyx to breakfast, had a class, went to group therapy, and then went to lunch.

And then I found out. There were two new transfers coming in, both suicide attempts. We would meet them after lunch. Demyx was nervous, understandably so. I was too, to tell you the truth. After lunch, they herded us back to the gathering room to meet the two new transfers. There was a lot of nervous energy in the air. Demyx struck close to me, which I didn't mind. I was scared too. Finally, we heard soft voices. Then the new transfers entered with their nurses. My eyes widened.

“Fuck,” I whispered, recognizing them at once. “Holy fuck.”

I couldn't believe it. The next thing I knew, I was laying stretched out on the ground with Hannah and several others crowded around me.

“He's awake!” Hannah announced.

They moved back as I sat up. My head felt incredibly light.

“Are you okay?” a quiet voice to my left asked.

I looked up into the face of a very familiar blond. A blond that I had been making out with before.

“Rox…as?” I managed to get out. My throat felt like it was stuck together. “What…what are you doing here?”

“I got transferred in,” Roxas answered quietly.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Roxas nodded. “And he did too.” He motioned to the boy next to him, looking at me warily through a curtain of silvery hair.

He was definitely a lot thinner than he had been when I had last seen him. I couldn't remember how long ago that was. It seemed like it had been an eternity since the last time I had seen him. The rational part of my brain told me that it was impossible for an eternity to have passed, but it certainly felt that way.

He looked so thin and worn, so much like a fragile doll. It was the only comparison I could really make. You know, one of those china dolls you see at the store that if you touch them even once they break? Yeah, that was what I was seeing. Zexion nodded at me in greeting.

“He not talking?” I asked Roxas.

Roxas nodded. “He's not as bad as I am. I can still talk…for the most part. But there are times when I just…freeze up. I can't talk. Zexion stopped talking after a while and he hasn't been able to say a word since.”

“I see.” I didn't know what else to say.

“Axel, you know them?” Demyx asked from my other side.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Let me introduce you. This is Roxas, my old roommate from when I was still in the regular hospital.” I pointed at Roxas. “And this guy is my best friend, Zexion.” I pointed at Zexion.

“Hi,” Demyx said politely.

Roxas returned the greeting but Zexion just nodded at Demyx in greeting.

“He can't talk,” I explained at a whisper.

“Is he a mute or something?” Demyx asked curiously.

“For now I guess. He hasn't been like this all the time. I mean, he hasn't always been mute. I've heard him talk.”

I've heard him do much more than that, but I won't go there. That's rather private, if you get my drift. The truth is, I'm not surprised that Zexion is here. I can't act surprised because I knew it would happen. Remember the china doll analogy I used earlier? Yeah, the same analogy can be used for his mind as well. He's been depressed since he was ten. I've known him for as long as I can remember, which isn't far, but whatever. My parents have said that I've been friends with Zexion since we were in diapers. Our two families have been friends for eons. I've seen him slowly break down over the years. He's broken down before, but those breakdowns haven't been as strong. I can't be surprised he's here.

Demyx nodded at what I had said and seemed to understand.

“Come on. Let's go sit down somewhere. I'm sure you and Roxas have a lot to catch up on,” he said.

The four of us sat in the corner Demyx and I usually occupied. Demyx took out his guitar and started composing, like usual. Zexion found a book to read. I turned my attention to Roxas.

“I can't believe you're here,” I said in a low voice. “It's just kind of weird that you and Zexion happened to be transferred here at the same time.”

“So you aren't surprised that Zexion tried to kill himself?” Roxas asked.

“No,” I answered truthfully. “It isn't the first time he's tried to kill himself. He's been doing that since the accident.” I stopped for a moment. “Wait. Do you even know about that?”

“Yeah,” Roxas responded, surprising me. “Reno helped fill me in.”

“Reno…” I murmured, repeating the name Roxas had just mentioned. “Zexion's godfather.”

“Yes.” Roxas was frowning for some reason.

“What's wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing's wrong,” Roxas replied in an offhand tone that didn't make me believe him.

I dropped it though because that was the best thing to do.

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I saw the man named Reno, the man I remembered as Zexion's godfather. He was tall and skinny, a man around thirty. The most distinguishing features I remembered about him were his hair and his eyes. Long unkempt hair swept back into a messy ponytail, hair bright red exactly like mine. I had never met anyone with hair quite as red as mine until I met Reno. His eyes were also very distinguishing; they weren't green like mine but icy blue. But although the color was cold, they were really kind. I remember he was really kind. He bore a striking resemblance to me and I didn't know why. The man fascinated me.

He appeared outside my memories of him and Zexion in a different place and time. There was a lot of shouting and angry words being exchanged between him and my parents. It was a younger version of Reno, but I was absolutely sure that it was still Reno. They shouted and shouted, but I didn't understand what they were saying. Why didn't I understand? There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of pain. I couldn't understand what was being said, but I could still understand the feelings that were being expressed. Then, Reno was gone. All of a sudden, it was like he was erased from existence.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered before he was gone forever.

There were flashes of light and distorted voices. I could only see bits and pieces of things, images going by so quickly my brain couldn't comprehend what they were. I screamed. Someone was calling my name, touching my chest. I only screamed more. They were going to hurt me! I didn't want to die! It felt like I was in so much pain.

I opened my eyes with a loud scream. My breaths came in pants. The overhead lights had been switched on at some point and Demyx stood by my bed, terror written across his face. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself down. The door burst open and Aerith and Hannah rushed in.

“What's going on?” Hannah wanted to know.

I didn't answer. My entire body was trembling and I could feel the blood pounding in my ears. Wait, I had felt this before. There was a tingling sensation followed by numbness. Then, everything went dark.

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For a long time, all I could see was pitch black. I couldn't feel anything at all. My entire body was numb. I could barely breathe. It felt like there was something extremely heavy being pressed against my chest, restricting the air flow to my lungs.

All I could do was lay there and hope that the feeling disappeared, or rather, until feeling came back into my body. Finally, I became aware of different sensations, the first being pain. An intense pain shot across my temples and there was a soreness in my mouth. I could taste a rough, iron taste in my mouth. My brain couldn't tell me what it was, only that it was familiar.

I could start to feel things; a soft, cool, slightly stiff material underneath me, plastic on my face, and a needle in my arm. I could hear a machine beeping softly in the background and regular even breathing. I could also hear erratic breathing on the other side of the room.

My sight was the last thing to return to me. It didn't come back all at once, though. First, the absolute blackness turned to grey and then went to white. Finally, colors started coming back, first in large blurs before focusing into sharp images. I first stared at the ceiling before turning my head to the side. I was being watched by Hannah, Aerith, and Demyx. Hannah and Aerith looked incredibly worried. Demyx was crying softly. When he saw that I was awake, he gasped softly.

“D…emyx?” I croaked.

“Oh Axel! I was so scared!” Demyx cried.

“What…happened?” I asked.

“You had a seizure,” Aerith supplied softly.

“You terrified me!” Demyx started crying again. “I had no idea what was going on. All of a sudden your eyes rolled into the back of your head and then your body started jerking uncontrollably. Then blood started running down your chin.”

“You bit your tongue,” Aerith explained.

“Oh. I'm sorry,” I murmured. “I didn't mean to scare you.”

After a few minutes, Demyx stopped crying and wiped the tears from his eyes.

Hannah stepped forward and checked the machines I was apparently attached to. “Your vital signs have stabilized. That's good. They were all out of whack earlier. How do you feel?”

“I'm a bit disoriented,” I admitted. “I've felt this before though. It'll go away.”

“Right,” Hannah mumbled. “I'm going to go and get the doctor and let him know that you've woken up.”

She left.

“There's a doctor here?” I asked, frowning.

“Oh yes,” Aerith answered with a smile. “His name is Dr. Xemnas.”

A few minutes later, Hannah returned with a tall man behind her. She stepped to the side. I stared; the man was insanely creepy. He had long silver hair and bronze (yes, bronze) eyes. He had this look on his face like he wanted to molest little boys. He gave me a very bad feeling.

“Ah Axel,” he said, stepping forward with this creepy smile on his face. “It's good to see you awake.”

“Y…yeah,” I stammered.

Dr. Xemnas did a quick examination. He helped me to slowly sit up and shone a light in my eyes.

“Can you try and stand for me?” he asked.

“I'll try. I'm not sure how steady I am yet. I'm always a bit shaky after I have a seizure. Actually, I can't say `always' because this is only my second seizure,” I replied.

I swung my legs around the side of the bed and stood up. My legs felt incredibly shaky, but after a few minutes, I adjusted. Dr. Xemnas had me walk across the room even though I was hooked up to several machines and an IV and watched my progress.

“Your reflexes are normal,” he commented after I had sat back down again. “It doesn't look like there was any neurological impact after the seizure.”

“So does that mean I can be unhooked from all this stuff?” I asked hopefully.

“Yes, it does.” Dr. Xemnas smiled at me.

I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. I hated that stuff so much, especially the IV. Fucking needles.

Dr. Xemnas said goodbye and left. Hannah stepped forward and started switching off the machines and unhooked me from them. The last thing she did was take out my IV. Even though she was careful, it still hurt really bad. I couldn't help wincing.

“Sorry,” Hannah murmured, noticing my discomfort as she slowly slid the needle out. “I know it hurts. Just a little longer, okay? It's almost out.”

“Oww,” I muttered as the stupid thing finally came out and Hannah pressed a square of gauze to the little hole the needle had made.

I already knew the drill. I pressed the gauze against the crook of my arm until it stopped bleeding.

 

 

The next morning, I went to see Ansem right after breakfast.

“Axel, I have cleared my schedule for the day so we can meet and discuss what happened,” Ansem said gravely as soon as I stepped into his office.

I nodded and sat in my usual chair.

“So…” Ansem began as soon as I was settled. “You had another seizure?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Right before the seizure, I had a nightmare.”

“Oh?” Ansem asked, his eyebrows raised.

I took a deep breath. “It was weird. Like really really weird. I saw Reno.”

“Reno?” Ansem frowned.

“He's Zexion's godfather,” I explained.

“Yes.” It didn't surprise me that Ansem knew. After all, he was now treating Zexion so he had access to all of Zexion's personal information so he knew who Reno was.

“Anyway, I saw him first as I remembered him, but then he sort of…shifted to a younger version. I'm absolutely sure it was him, just younger,” I said.

“How old was Reno in your dream?” Ansem interrupted.

I frowned, trying to remember. “He was a teenager. About thirteen or so.”

Ansem made a note. “Then what happened?”

“My parents appeared. It was random. They started arguing about something. I don't know what it was. I couldn't understand anything they were saying. The words all sort of blurred together. But…” I stopped for a moment. Ansem looked at me interestedly. “I could still understand the emotions they were feeling. There was a lot of anger and pain. And there were a lot of tears too.”

“Interesting,” Ansem murmured.

“After that, I only saw flashes of things. I don't remember any of what I saw because the images went by too fast. The same thing was true for whatever was being said. I felt a lot of pain so I started screaming. I wasn't really in pain but it sure as hell felt like it. Then I woke up to Demyx trying to get me up. I tried to calm myself down, but I started feeling the same thing I felt before I had a seizure the first time. Then I had the seizure.”

“What did you feel that made you aware that you were about to have a seizure?” Ansem asked.

“First I just didn't feel quite right. I wasn't exactly sure at first, but as the other symptoms came, I began to recognize the feelings.”

“What were the other symptoms?” Ansem questioned.

“There was a tingling sensation, followed by numbness,” I recited, remembering it quite well. “Then everything went dark. The next thing I knew, I was hooked up to all these machines.”

“I see,” Ansem murmured.

“Why the hell is this happening to me?” I burst out, unable to contain myself any longer.

Ansem studied me carefully. “Axel, I believe there's some part of your memory that's being repressed and it involves this man named Reno. Do you remember what Reno looks like?” I nodded. “Can you draw him for me?”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

Ansem got up and brought over a blank tablet and a pencil. He set it on a table in the middle and indicated for me to sit at the place he had set. I got to my feet and headed for the table. I sat in the chair the tablet had been set in front of and picked up the pencil next to the tablet. Ansem sat in front of me with his tablet.

“So…while you're drawing, can you tell me about Reno?” he asked. “What you know about him.”

“All right.” I nodded. “I know Reno. Reno is Zexion's godfather. He works for Shin-Ra Electric Power Company. He's twenty eight I think. He used to date, but he stopped bringing home women after he adopted Zexion. I saw him a lot because I went over to Zexion's apartment quite a bit. I guess if you want to be exact, it was Reno's apartment. Zexion lost his parents when he was ten in a car accident and his sister Paine was ruled unfit to raise Zexion and they don't have any other living relatives to care for him, so that's how Reno got custody of him. I had always been best friends with Zexion since we were kids so I watched all this happen. That's how I met Reno. I noticed from the beginning that Reno had a striking resemblance to me, but I never really questioned why. I guess I felt like I didn't really need to because I didn't think I would get an answer.”

“From your parents?” Ansem asked.

“From anyone. Reno didn't seem to like me too much. He always kept his distance from me,” I replied.

“Has Reno appeared in your dreams often?” Ansem asked.

“Yes, he does,” I admitted.

“Do you remember the dreams at all?” Ansem asked.

“Somewhat,” I replied. “I can remember bits and pieces of them.”

“How long have these dreams been occurring?”

“Since I was a kid.”

“How often do the dreams occur?”

“I…I don't know,” I said uneasily.

“It's okay.” Ansem's voice was soothing. “Now, can you remember how Reno appears in your dreams? Does he always look the same?”

I tried to remember. “He was always the same. He never looked any different.”

“Can you estimate how old he is?” Ansem was writing furiously to keep up with me.

“He's the same as he was when I had the most recent dream, about thirteen or so. A tall, gangly teenager. His age never changes.”

“And your parents? How often are they in the dream?” Ansem asked.

“They're usually there,” I replied. “They aren't happy at all. They're never happy. And neither is Reno. They're always yelling at each other.”

“I see.”

I finished the drawing and looked at it.

“May I see?” Ansem questioned. I pushed the tablet toward him. He looked down. “Well, I must say you're quite a good artist.”

“I'm not that good,” I protested.

“You should give yourself more credit. It's a very good drawing,” Ansem insisted.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Are you up for doing more drawing?” Ansem asked.

“Sure.” I nodded. Ansem took my drawing of Reno off the top and passed the tablet back to me. “What do you want me to draw?”

“If you could, I'd like you to draw some of the things you saw in your dreams. You don't have to put it all on one tablet. You can make more than one drawing, if you wish.”

“All right,” I said.

I started drawing Reno first. His unhappy face could never be erased from my mind.

“Can I have some crayons? I think it would really help if I drew this in color,” I said.

“Yes, I agree. Colors can help reveal things. Hang on, I'll get you some crayons.”

Ansem got up and fetched me a box of crayons. They were all dull, but they were going to be useful anyway. I added color to Reno's face, blue like the ocean to his eyes, and fiery red to his hair. Next I drew my parents, not as I remembered them, but as I saw them in my dreams. There's a difference. I just have a really hard time explaining it. I suck at explaining sometimes.

Ansem watched me drawing intently. He didn't say anything or write anything; he just watched. After I finished drawing and coloring the first drawing, I started a second one.

“May I see the first drawing?”Ansem inquired politely.

I carefully detached the first sheet and slid it across to him. He pulled on a pair of glasses (why the hell wouldn't he have done that when I slid the first drawing over to him, the one of Reno?) and wordlessly studied the drawing. I studied him for a few moments and then went back to working on my second drawing. For some reason, I felt like talking, so I did.

“My other therapists weren't able to find out the meaning of my dreams, but they were pretty much useless anyway.”

This interested Ansem. He looked up from where he was studying my drawing. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, they didn't do much for me. They didn't help me at al. All they did was drug me up. They tried all sorts of different medications for different things. Mostly ADD and ADHD.”

“Ah yes. That's what your records indicate. None of them were effective in helping you?”

“Nope.”

Ansem was quiet for a few minutes. Then, he said, “I want to do some hypnosis therapy with you.”

“Hypnosis therapy?” I frowned.

“I will put you in a trance-like state and attempt to recover some of the memories that have been repressed. First, however, we're going to do some practice. This may or not work.”

“I say we try it,” I said. “It's worth a shot. I mean, nothing else has worked so I'm willing to try something totally different. If you think it might work…”

“I'm not a hundred percent certain that it'll be helpful at all and it won't be a quick fix, you must realize, but it may help. It may help a little or it may help a lot. It may not be pleasant. Digging up these memories may cause you a lot of pain. You may not wish you had never tried to recall these things.”

“That's okay,” I said. “I'm willing to dredge up these unpleasant memories.”

I was willing to try anything. I felt like I was missing something and even though it may be unpleasant, I was willing to try the hypnosis thing and maybe find what I was missing.

To be continued…

A/N: Axel's seizures are back! There is a cause for them, a legitimate medical reason for them. It's not just a random occurrence. I have never had a seizure before, so I don't know what it's like to have one. So I did a bit of research. I hope it's realistic enough.

The spell checker is really retarded. It wanted to change Aerith's line “you bit your tongue” to “you bet your tongue”. WTF??! You bet your tongue? Why the hell would anyone want to bet their tongue?!

Wow, I think that was the longest therapy session Axel has ever had with Ansem. The longest one I've written in at least. This chapter got finished a little later than I would have liked. I was hoping to have it up July 3rd, but I left for my grandma's house the 2nd for the Fourth of July weekend and I didn't have the chapter done in time. And of course, there's only dial-up at her house and no privacy so I wouldn't have been able to get the chapter posted anyway.

I haven't gone back and proofread this so I'm sure there are a lot of typos and grammatical errors there. I just don't feel like going back and doing ay editing right now.