Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Burn ❯ Chapter 26 Zexion ( Chapter 26 )

Burn

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy nor am I making any money by writing this.

Chapter 26 Zexion

I had my first session with Dr. Wise and Reno today. It was really interesting. I had been to group therapy before with other patients in the ward, but I never had family therapy before. It wasn't something any of my therapists ever suggested we try.

We held the session in Dr. Wise's office. I sat in my regular chair and Reno took another armchair next to me. Dr. Wise sat on the couch with his clipboard.

“Well, here we are,” Dr. Wise started out.

“Yeah.” Reno exhaled softly.

“Are you nervous, Reno?” Dr. Wise asked.

“No!” Reno answered at once. “Well…kind of. I just…I've never done this before. Therapy I mean. It's new territory for me.”

“That's understandable,” Dr. Wise said with a smile. “Doing new things can often be frightening. Going into new territory can make you hesitate. It's good to try to do something you've never done before, something that scares you.” He turned to me. “What do you think of all this?”

“It's a bit overwhelming,” I mumbled. “Never done this before.”

“But you've had therapy before,” Dr. Wise stated.

“Yes,” I agreed. “I've just never had family therapy before. It wasn't something any of my other therapists thought we should do. I don't know if they thought it wouldn't help or if they just didn't think of it in the first place.”

“You'll find it's quite different from individual therapy or even the group therapy we do here,” Dr. Wise said. “The focus is on you and the relationship with your family. Now I know there will be an urge for you to edit your thoughts and not talk about what you're feeling, but I ask you to try not to do that. It's important for you and Reno to be honest with yourselves and each other.”

“We have a good relationship,” Reno said. “We get along just fine and we don't argue that much, except when Zexion tries to kill himself.”

“Zexion?” Dr. Wise asked.

“I like Reno. A lot. He's really nice and he cares for me. He's always been there,” I replied.

“Well that's good to know.” Reno smiled at me. I tentatively returned the smile.

“If I'm to understand things correctly, you've been taking care of Zexion since he was ten?” Dr. Wise asked.

“Yeah,” Reno answered. “Since the accident.”

“Our two families have been friends for a long time,” I supplied. “Reno was named my godfather.”

“Did you know this fact before the accident?” Dr. Wise asked.

“Yes.” I nodded. “I was seven when I was baptized, so I was aware of what was going on. I was introduced to Reno and my parents explained that if something ever happened to them, he would take care of me.”

“After the accident, it was really stressful,” Reno said. “They were trying to figure out what to do with Zexion, who he should live with, and stuff.”

“Who's `they'?” Dr. Wise asked with a frown.

“Social Services,” Reno answered. “It came down to either me or Zexion's sister, Paine, who was a lesbian. They chose me.” Reno shifted uncomfortably.

“Do you feel guilty that Social Services chose you over Paine? Like it was your fault they refused Paine?”

“Yeah,” Reno admitted.

I stared at him. “I never knew that.”

“It's not something that's easy to admit,” Reno said with a sad smile.

“Why do you feel guilty?” Dr. Wise asked.

“I just thought…they were being unfair. Paine was perfectly capable of taking care of Zexion. They only chose me because I was straight and single. There was not an issue with money—both of us made the same amount of money. I think…maybe I shouldn't have fought as hard as I did to win custody of Zexion so Paine had a better chance of making her case.”

“But Paine hadn't seen me in a couple years,” I spoke up. “Maybe they thought it would be awkward or something.”

“That could be,” Dr. Wise said. “We don't know why Social Services chose you to raise Zexion. It could have been any number of factors. My point is, it's not your fault, so you don't have to blame yourself.”

“Okay,” Reno mumbled.

“Now, Zexion became depressed soon after the accident, right?” Dr. Wise asked.

“Yeah,” Reno answered. “I noticed changes in his mood. He had always been quiet, but not like he was. He stopped eating and became listless. He wouldn't talk to me about what was wrong so I took him to the doctor. He suggested a shrink, so I took him to see one. I just wanted him to be happy. You know?”

The session dragged on. Reno did most of the talking, but Dr. Wise occasionally directed questions at me, which I answered the best I could. I was trying my hardest to change. I was trying to become a better person because I realized that I had been given a second chance.

It's all thanks to Demyx. He's been the one to help me realize that. He means a lot to me now and I want to do everything I can to not lose him like I lost Axel. I was stronger now and I was ready to change.

“You've become quiet all of a sudden,” Dr. Wise noted, breaking into my thoughts.

I ducked my head, my face growing warm. “I was just thinking about some things.”

“I hope they are good things you are thinking about,” Dr. Wise said.

“They are,” I assured him.

“Would you care to elaborate a little on those thoughts?” Dr. Wise asked. “You don't have to share all your thoughts with us, but it would be nice to know at least a bit of what you are thinking.”

I opened my mouth to respond at least a little to Dr. Wise's request, but Saix started screaming. Reno looked startled, but Dr. Wise had already told him ahead of time what to expect. Reno knew that things could be unpredictable here, but none of us were prepared when Axel started screaming.

“Oh my god,” Reno whispered. “Is that…is that Axel?”

“Yeah,” I replied, a cold knot forming in the pit of my stomach. “It's him.”

“Why didn't you tell me something was wrong?” Reno's voice rose.

I wasn't sure if his anger was directed at me or Dr. Wise. I sat with my eyes downcast and my hands wrung together. My grip tightened as Axel's screaming got worse.

“Zexion!” Reno's sharp voice caught me off guard. He reached over and pried my hands apart. “You're going to hurt yourself if you keep clenching your hands together like that.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. Reno didn't let go of my hands.

“I think it's wise if we end our session early today,” Dr. Wise said.

“Okay,” Reno replied.

“Zexion, is that all right with you?” Dr. Wise asked.

“Yeah,” I said in a weak voice.

“Then we'll continue next week,” Dr. Wise said.

I stood up, forcing Reno to let go of my hands. Rebecca was waiting for me outside the door to Dr. Wise's office. It was finally silent, but the silence made me feel even worse. Rebecca escorted me to the arts and crafts room, where everyone else was. Xigbar and Luxord were both missing and everyone else looked upset, especially Demyx and Roxas. Something must have happened. Probably because of Saix and Axel's screaming match.

I was given an easel on Demyx's left side, put in a smock, and left alone. I picked up the paintbrush waiting for me, and dipped it in the black paint. I closed my eyes and let my hand move freely across the paper.

I didn't look at what I was painting, though I did open my eyes so I could see to clean off my paintbrush and pick out a new color. This time, I chose red. I closed my eyes again and started painting. The flames were everywhere, though they didn't consume me. I chose green next, two bright emeralds staring at me. Several more times, I chanced colors, painting what I saw in my mind.

Finally, I dropped the brush in the water and opened my eyes. I had drawn Axel the day I had found him in his room burning. It was an image I could never forget. Demyx looked over at my painting.

“Wow, that's really good,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said softly.

“It's Axel, right?” Demyx asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I don't know why I drew him. I just closed my eyes and drew what I saw in my mind. It's…” I hesitated for a moment. “It's the day I found him in his room when he burned himself and had to be hospitalized.”

“It's really good.” Demyx smiled.

“All right everyone, it's time for lunch,” Yuffie announced. “Leave your paintings here so they can dry. We'll come back after lunch and pick them up. Let's go to the bathrooms and wash up.”

We trailed after her to the bathrooms. We washed our hands and arms and went to lunch. It was very subdued, just like breakfast.

I stared at my plate. The very thought of food made me sick and thinking about eating it made feel even worse. Demyx looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't.

I was kind of glad—I didn't want another lecture. I knew it was bad that I wasn't eating, but I just couldn't bring myself to take even one bite of the food in front of me.

Lunch seemed to take forever. Finally, it ended, and we had a music lesson followed by some quiet time where we did individual tasks that kept us, well, quiet.

That didn't last very long; Axel started screaming again. The girls started crying. I didn't even realize I was crying until Demyx handed me a tissue. I accepted it without a word and wiped the moisture from my face. No matter how hard I wiped, the tears just kept coming.

The tissue dropped from my hand and I doubled over in pain. My stomach hurt so much. Was I trying to throw up? Nothing was coming up.

“Zexion?” Demyx asked even though we were supposed to be quiet. “Zexion, what's wrong?”

I gave a quiet sob. I was dizzy and felt so sick.

“Come on, Zexion,” Rebecca said in a gentle voice. “Let's go back to your room, okay?”

I silently nodded and followed her out of the room. Axel's screams finally died away again. Rebecca brought me into my room.

“Why don't you lie down for a while?” she suggested. “It might make you feel better.”

I crossed the room and collapsed on my bed. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I never heard my nurse leave.

To be continued…

A/N: Thanks to FinalFallenFantasy for pointing out my typo. And boy was it a doozy.