Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Desperate Reflections ❯ Chapter 6: Fragile Trust ( Chapter 9 )

A/N: At last! I have updated! I am sorry it is so late but alas, it seems that I have established a rhythm of once a month. But as they say, quality over quantity. And I much prefer quality. With that, I am very, very happy with the reader response for this! You guys rock major! I didn't think I could break into the Kingdom Hearts fandom but you like it! So that's good. Oh, and ignore all spelling/grammar errors. My beta is three chapters behind in editing, lol.

 

Thanks everyone. I put review responses at the bottom!

 

Chapter 6: Fragile Trust

 

Axel sighed and stared out over the Forgotten Plains, finding nothing but flat, vaguely green grassland in a rainy haze, just like it had been for the last three hours. Not that there was anything better to do. He was bored stiff, both he and Reno, after somehow managing to get to work on time, sprinting the entire distance. There was very little for them to do at the gate, other than wait for something to happen which, rarely did.

 

They had already sparred with each other three times; Axel admittedly getting his ass kicked one attempt after another. They played a practical joke on one of the wall walkers, wouldn't he be glad to open his locker on the end of shift? Reno had an interesting conversation with a Gatherer involving his Electro Rod and a mysteriously disappearing cherry pie, which Axel did not want to ask about. And the both of them had eaten lunch, Reno choosing to tease Axel the entire time about his homemade-bagged meal, which was unsurprisingly quite tasty. He didn't share either, despite the pathetic begging look that Reno attempted.

 

Still, after all that, there was a couple of hours left to go in their shift. Except now they were full and bored. Axel sighed and leaned against the left gate, opposite from where Reno was idly snoozing against his own, the loud racket of his snores an annoying noise. The fire starter crossed his arms over his chest, frowning at the ground as if his ennui was its fault.

 

“Bored,” he whined loudly for the third time, letting his head fall back with a thunk to the strong and thick metal, thereby waking Reno up from his impromptu nap.

 

Reno merely blinked and shifted more comfortably against the door, closing his eyes with a shrug. “Get used to it.”

 

“Entertain me,” suggested Axel, shooting his partner a stare. “Or do something. Talk. Tell me more about this place.” He paused, reconsidering. “Or tell me more about those glasses.”

 

One aquamarine eye popped open as he raised an arm, tapping them with one finger. “These?”

 

The fire starter nodded as he dug one hand into his pocket, pulling out the Oblivion key chain. He glanced surreptitiously around, checking to make sure no one was watching before holding it up to the light. The ebony metal caught the dim light of the sun and managed to sparkle, even given the slight patter of rain that fell on it as it spun in Axel's hold of its own accord.

 

“This belonged to Roxas,” informed the fire starter, watching Reno closely for a reaction. “Now, it's the only real link I have to him that isn't a part of my memories.” Emerald eyes traced over the contours of the key chain for a moment, wistfulness echoing in his features. “Without it, I...” He shook his head. “It gives me hope.” He raised his gaze back to Reno, finding a pair of gleaming eyes watching him intently.

 

The other male sighed before shifting off of the gate and striding across the small space until he stood beside Axel, leaning right next to the younger male. “You know, people rarely, if ever, make it to the gate, yo,” he commented as Axel deposited the precious key chain back into his pocket. “Yet, I stand guard here everyday, hoping that if, by some cruel fate, he does end up dying, that when he makes it here, I can somehow save him. I can't fly, so they won't let me be a Gatherer, but at least here, I know I might have a chance.”

 

Axel nodded in understanding. “Have you ever had someone make it to the gate?”

 

“Once or twice.” Reno shrugged, leaning his head back against the door as he closed his eyes. “Most of the time they're so goddamned scared out of their minds, they don't know what to think. Neither of them remembered a fuckin' thing prior to coming here but they were lucky. They barely missed being eaten by the beasts.”

 

The fire starter scowled. “Vincent told me about the beasts, and their purpose.”

 

“Ain't nothing we can do about that, yo,” responded Reno. “There's a lot to hate about this world.” He crossed one leg over the other, tapping his toes insistently against the concrete. “One of the many reasons that those with memories often commit suicide.”

 

Axel raised a brow, entirely surprised. “What?”

 

The other man waved a hand of dismissal. “Not everyone has the mental strength to keep up the hope here. Not everyone who had a reason to remember could handle being separated with seemingly no chance of every returning.”

 

Axel quickly sought to change the subject. “Tell me more about your reason. Tell me about... Rude.”

 

One aquamarine eye popped open, regarding Axel with a slightly amused expression. He grinned. “Okay,” Reno responded. He reached up and tapped the glasses on his head. “These are his, of course. The only thing I have left of him. He always wore them like 24/7.” Reno shook his head. “He has these super expressive eyes, yo. He sucks at poker.”

 

“I can imagine,” commented Axel, spying the faraway, almost sparkly look that came into his partner's eyes. It was probably much like the one that he took on when he thought of Roxas.

 

Reno sighed, taking on a wistful expression before discreetly looking around, checking to be sure that no one was paying them any particular attention and that they weren't being overheard before he continued. “We were partners in everything, a deadly duo of assassins.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “His memory is horrible though. Probably lost without me, yo.”

 

The sudden sound of a loud and shrill horn blaring through the air interrupted Reno's musings, sending both men instantly on high alert. Reno and Axel swiveled their heads towards the Forgotten Plains, weapons materializing within their hands in a flash and swirl of lightning and fire. A small treble of excitement built up within Axel, all boredom sliding from his body to be replaced with the thrill of battle.

 

“The beasts!” called out one of the wall-walkers to them. “Five of them, Daunte!”

 

The blue-eyed male nodded up at him, saluting briefly before turning to Axel. “It's action time, yo.”

 

“Finally,” exclaimed Axel, breathing a sigh of relief as he twirled his chakram on each of his hands. He dropped into a defensive stance, intense emerald eyes locked on the open gates. “I was going to die of boredom!”

 

His words echoed hollow when suddenly bestial snarls of rage sounded from directly in front of them. Five pale shapes darted out from the gates, claws scrabbling against the ground as they growled in murderous intent. Lightning crackled through the air, slamming into the underbelly of one of the back creatures. It keened in agony as it dropped to the ground, disappearing in a cloud of thick black ash.

 

Axel had all of two seconds before he was beset by three of the beasts, them far more interested in him than Reno. He managed to spout off gouts of flame into one before the other two leapt at him, snarling and aiming for his throat. There was a flash of something familiar, something almost forgotten that made him blink in astonishment before he was ducking and dodging one beast's initial leap, twirling the chakram around a finger and slicing it through the air.

 

Blood dripped to the ground as he cut through the abdomen of the ghostly creature. It yelped as it dropped to the ground, twitching violently in its death throes. Axel grinned, clearly pleased with himself, only to turn with widened eyes when the second snarled and latched on to one of his arms when he wasn't looking. Pain raced through his right forearm as the memory beast clamped down, shaking its head and struggling to rend his limb from his body.

 

Emerald eyes flashed fire as Axel growled just as canine as his assailant and swung his second chakram around, calling up enough flame to light the spikes as he slashed at the attacker, neatly cleaving its head from its shoulders. The pungent odor of burnt flesh attacked his nostrils as he shook the dying body from his arm with a disgusted look on his face, sending it sprawling to the ground where it promptly disappeared in a puff of black ash, swirling around in an unseen wind. His other attacker had done the same, after bleeding out almost empty onto the cement.

 

All that remained was their blood, staining the ground in a vague parody of death. It made him sick. Grimacing, Axel dispersed the chakram and inspected the damage to his forearm, barely noticing that Reno had dispersed of his own opponent with an artful shock followed up by a swift knock across the head. He had an even set of teeth marks in his arm but it hadn't pierced the skin. At least the ugly and uncomfortable garments had been good for something. They had protected his body somewhat, leaving only enough leeway for him to feel the pain but suffer none of the damage.

 

Panting, Reno grinned as he strode up to his new partner. “Lookin' pretty good there, Abarai,” he commented with a wink, balancing his Electro Rod on his shoulder, still lit up slightly with electricity as it buzzed and spat out golden fire.

 

Axel scowled at himself for allowing the beast to get so close. Vincent was right. He was out of practice. Maybe he could convince the winged man to train him some more so mistakes like that didn't happen again. He shoved his torn sleeve down over his arm before cockily grinning at Reno. “Piece of cake,” he replied.

 

Aquamarine eyes rolled. “Right.” He poked at Axel with the end of his Rod in the shoulder, setting the fire starter off balance for a moment. “They seemed particularly interested in you. Remember anything... important?” he questioned, leaning in close so that they couldn't be overheard by the sudden cleaning crew, come to scrub the blood off of the pavement.

 

Axel shook his head, moving off to the side and out of the way of the cleaners, Reno stick close to his side. “Perhaps I'm just more fresh to them,” he replied with a shrug. Inwardly, however, he sighed in thought, somewhat glad for the impromptu battle. It certainly helped to pass the time.

 

Reno sighed. “Yeah, well, it's almost time for our shift to be over. Where ya headed afterwards?”

 

The fire starter shrugged, his gaze falling to the Forgotten Plains. Emerald eyes raked over seemingly innocent grounds, wondering if they would meet any survivors. “I suppose I'll just go home. It's not like there's lots to do around here.” He turned back towards Reno. “I've got some things to research.”

 

“Oh yeah?” questioned the other male with a raised brow. “Like what?”

 

Glancing at the cleaners, he gestured Reno away from them and towards a generally secluded part of the gate. “I was a Nobody, Daunte,” he explained. “I might be able to call up a portal except Ceran says I shouldn't even try...” He trailed off as Reno gave him that cocky, sure grin.

 

“Oh? So you obey Ceran now?” teased the rod-wielder, with one hand on his hip. He prodded at Axel's shoulder with the end of the Electro Rod. “What else does he tell you to do? Ow!” Reno rubbed at his shoulder where Axel punched him, though it didn't erase the grin from his face.

 

“You're such a lech.” The firestarter scowled as he crossed his arms over his chest.

 

Reno laughed and waved a hand of dismissal. “I couldn't resist. So go on, tell me the rest.” He held up his hands in acquiescence. “I promise, yo. I won't make too many more unwelcome insinuations.” He crossed a hand over his chest. “Scout's honor.”

 

It began to rain more steadily then, thick droplets of cold, heavy rain that filtered even through Axel's waterproof and scratchy clothing. He sighed, looking up into the dismal grey sky, feeling his own emotions sink with the weather. He really needed to get away from this place before it consumed him with depression. He had never been the type to get bogged down with sorrow before but that was what Gaia's Grotto did to a person.

 

Aquamarine eyes blinked as Reno shielded them, looking up into the sudden downpour that washed away the blood the cleaning crew hadn't quite gotten to. “I sure won't miss this,” muttered the older male. “I miss the sun, I miss the ocean, hell, I even miss getting sunburnt if it means I don't have to be here any longer.”

 

“Ceran was right, you are too careless,” Axel murmured, noticing how the others seemed to be paying them close attention.

 

Reno waved a hand of dismissal. “It's not my conversation they're interested in.” He leaned in close, putting a hand on Axel's shoulder in a move that could have been taken for possessive. “You are new and just like with any other world, you are fresh meat. Good thing I've already staked my claim, yo.”

 

Before Axel could even comment another gong sounded, low and echoing all around them, completely attracting his interest. Beside him, Reno grinned before patting him quite roughly on the back. “Never heard a more beautiful sound than quitting time.”

 

“What? Already?” questioned Axel, surprise etched into his voice. He was certain that Vincent worked at least eight hours a day, or maybe even more. He was fully expecting to be there another four hours at the least, not that he wouldn't mind going home. A Guardian's job was boring as shit.

 

Reno nodded. “Our workdays aren't as long as you would think. Ceran takes extra shifts because he's made himself responsible for any with memories that might show up. That's the kind of guy he is.” He shifted his weight, bringing up his Electro Rod to balance on his shoulder as he gently started to steer Axel towards the locker room. “You'll think about what I said, eh?”

 

Axel groaned. “That again?” he questioned, pretending to be oblivious to the stares they were receiving. Despite knowing that these residents didn't have emotions, he was certain he saw lust or something similar reflected in a few, men and women alike. He recognized a few that Reno had pointed out earlier, but wasn't out to make friends and had quickly forgotten their names.

 

“You never give up, do you?”

 

“Only because I know I'm always right, yo,” responded his companion, grinning cheekily. He clapped Axel on the back again. “Trust me on this one, Abarai.”

 

- - - -

 

Axel cracked his neck as he entered the apartment, throwing the keys into his pocket as he pulled off his jacket and hung it on a nearby peg. He listened intently for sounds of Vincent but the apartment was completely silent, not that the winged male normally made a lot of noise. He was often as quiet as shadow and twice as dark when he wasn't in some dark corner, thinking or as Axel called it, brooding. He had often accused Roxas of doing such.

 

Unbidden, a yawn escaped from his mouth, betraying how truly tired he was. It shouldn't have made him so weary, but the combined excitement of the day had taken a lot out of him. From the emotionally exhausting conversation with Reno to the unexpected battle against the beasts on his first day, it was no wonder he felt weary.

 

He kept alert for signs of Vincent as he shuffled into the kitchen, finding it spotlessly clean and devoid of all signs of any winged males. Well, not completely. His gaze fell on the refrigerator and the note stuck to the very center of it, seeming out of place compared to the pristine nature of the rest of the kitchen. Biting back another yawn, the firestarter stumbled towards the paper and ripped it down, scanning the pretty and elegant handwriting briefly before crumpling up the note and skillfully tossing it into a nearby trash can.

 

Oh joy, Vincent was thoughtful enough to cook and leave him something in the fridge before laying down for a nap. At least Axel wouldn't starve even if he did suddenly desire the man's companionship. He wasn't stupid enough to actually wake Vincent up. Not that Vincent was the most personable of people, but there were times when being alone wasn't at the top of the firestarter's list. Tonight just happened to be one of those.

 

Poking around in the fridge produced a plate of fried potato chunks, scrambled eggs and sliced ham. He popped it into the microwave, jammed the leftovers button and waited a few minutes, inwardly thanking Vincent the entire time as he struggled to stay awake. When the microwave dinged an absurdly five minutes later, Axel hopped on the counter and mindlessly began to shovel the food in, not even caring that it was steaming hot. He was a fire element. Those types of things did not bother him anymore.

 

As he chewed, he began to think while attempting to stay awake. After all, he had work to do. He couldn't afford to waste any time sitting around on his hands. He had to research a way for them to get off of Gaia's Grotto as well as practice his darkness technique without his heart getting eaten or tainted along the way. And as soon as possible because Axel couldn't take living in hell any longer. The beasts were the last straw.

 

He was certain, that infallible though his reluctant roommate was, Vincent must have missed something in his research. Axel was certain that it was simply impossible to have exhausted all resources. He might be able to find something where Vincent had not. At least, that was what he hoped because it was plainly obvious that the winged man was far smarter than he when it came to science and such similar things.

 

“Great,” he remarked to himself dryly, “now I am even sarcastically thinking about Vincent. Maybe Reno was right.” A bit petulantly, he shoved more food into his mouth, chewing on it with far greater vigor than was necessary. He propped one foot on the counter, able to perfectly picture Vincent's resulting glare. The thought was enough to make him chuckle.

 

And despite his weariness and the fact that he was nearly falling asleep on the counter, Axel had plans to hop down and actually finish some research. He glanced at the clock. It was nowhere near “nighttime” or as close as this place came to it. Finishing off the last of the fried potatoes, Axel noisily dropped the plate into the sink and slid to the ground, running a hand through his hair and ripping out the headband, letting his spikes bounce free.

 

He dreaded poring through all the research manuals that he knew lined the shelves to his room but dreaded more the thought of staying on Gaia's Grotto any longer than he thought unavoidable. He briefly browsed the titles after changing into something more comfortable before selecting one that sounded just as boring as the rest. He headed back into the kitchen, plopped down in one of the hard kitchen chairs, checked for Vincent and propped his feet up on the table before cracking open the thick, dusty tome.

 

A Heart of Darkness. That was the title of this particular book. He hoped that by concentrating his research on the darkness and the specific use of it, he would uncover some loophole that Vincent had not even thought of. He tried to ignore the eerie feeling the near silent apartment gave him even as he pushed away all invasive thoughts that damn Reno had slipped so seductively into his head.

 

The last thing he needed to do was think of Vincent in a capacity beyond friendship. He sighed, attempted to get comfortable, and settled in for a long night of reading. It wasn't long before his weariness overcame him and he slumped in the chair, slumbering in the middle of the kitchen.

 

They always came back in little bits and pieces, his memories, most often when he was asleep. Vincent had said it was because he was the most vulnerable then and it was easier for the shadow beasts to steal those dreams. Even so, Axel fought while he slumbered to keep whatever his dreams revealed. This night, he remembered something that only served to sadden him.

 

Roxas... had succeeded. It became so clear to him, why the blond had left and what he had been searching for. He was a Nobody, and like all Nobodies, he was once a part of somebody. He had been looking for his other half. Axel was certain he had one out there somewhere, but he never cared to look. He didn't want to be acquainted with who he was before, all that mattered was the now.

 

That was what Axel had been trying to stop by sneaking into the alternate Twilight Town and speaking to Roxas. That man, DiZ, had wanted to rejoin Roxas with Sora, wanted them to become one again. But Axel couldn't have that, because then he would lose the only person who ever meant anything to him. His best friend and closest companion.

 

No matter what he tried, he couldn't convince Roxas to believe him, couldn't convince him to leave that alternate world and to return with him. His mind had been so entirely influenced by DiZ and Namine that he believed it was the only way. And admittedly, Axel probably had not used the best of methods but he was on the edge of his mind, starting to fear that he would never be able to reach Roxas.

 

He could see it so clearly now, watching from the shadows where no one could see though he suspected that DiZ knew he was there. Roxas approached something that looked very similar to the cleanser in the Center. As it opened, it revealed a sleeping Sora, looking to be in suspended animation. Roxas stepped forward, there was a flash of light, and the next thing he knew, Roxas was gone and all that was left was Sora.

 

He remembered now, the awful truth. Roxas had returned to Sora; he was no longer in his own form. At the time he had screamed and raged at the unfairness of it all, proceeding to rampage through an entire legion of Heartless, blowing them up and slicing them to bits but it didn't satisfy the turmoil inside of him. The emotions he wasn't supposed to have.

 

After blowing up his fortieth Heartless and setting fire to someone's room, it might have been Xigbar's, a new idea struck him. If he could turn Sora into a Heartless, then Roxas would come back. At the time, he hadn't cared what happened to Sora. Admittedly, it was selfish, but he thought only for the aching in his nonexistent soul. Plus, he was hiding from Xigbar. The man was freakishly frightening when pissed.

 

He began to make it his priority to know when and where Sora was, to protect him from the plans of Xemnas and the others, and to install his own plan. He was on no one's side but his own. There were times he looked at the cinnamon-haired boy and could have sworn that Roxas was looking right back at him. It was bittersweet, to be so close and yet, the distance between them was far too big to be crossed.

 

He remembered so clearly kidnapping Kairi. She was standing on the shore of Destiny Islands, talking to herself. She was pretty; he gave her that much, and she looked so much like Namine it was paradoxical. He was only glad that she was alone. It made it easier to kidnap her. He had it figured. If there was one way to get through to Sora's emotions, that didn't involve finding the missing Riku, it was to threaten Kairi. He hoped to enrage the Keyblade master enough to cause him to turn into a Heartless. Axel wasn't really looking to actually harm Sora physically.

 

He waited for the proper moment before he showed up, making a brilliant entrance as always. “My thoughts exactly!” he had claimed, announced his presence in response to her own comment. “If you have a dream, don't wait. Act.” That was his own rule of thumb, might as well share the knowledge.

 

“One of life's little rules,” he finished, stepping through the portal. “Got it memorized?” Her cerulean eyes widened in surprise as her hands came up to her mouth. Obviously she wasn't expecting him to suddenly appear from thin air.

 

“Who are you?” she asked. Silly bint didn't even look the least bit frightened. That was a mistake. Inwardly, Axel scowled at her but he kept the look of complete friendship on his face. It was sickeningly easy to manipulate the masses at times.

 

He smiled. “Axel. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora's,” he lied. “Why don't we go see him?” he explained, offering up a gloved hand to her. He kept the smile on his face, reassuring her with his friendliness.

 

A look of hope took over her face at the mention of her friend. “...Sora?” she repeated with anticipation. Before he could say anything more, the sound of a bark interrupted them, along with the defining tingle along his body, signifying the appearance of a portal. He scowled when her back was turned, wondering who was interfering with his plans.

 

Considering how many people he was betraying and going against, it could have been anyone. Except for the presence of the dog which suddenly approached Kairi, wagging its tail and turning in little circles, certain to make her coo with cuteness. He recognized the mutt immediately. Xemnas had warned them to be wary because everyone knew there was only one person who owned such a dog, King Mickey of Disney Castle. Most thought that the Nobodies were unaware of Mickey but that made it easier to conduct their business if people believed them ignorant.

 

Emerald eyes narrowed. That big-eared mouse was going to ruin everything. Surreptitiously, he called a few friends, planning to have them “herd” her his way. As the silver dancing bodies appeared, a new portal bounded into existence just behind Kairi. Axel knew without asking that it belonged to the Keyblade wielder of darkness, and his suspicions were confirmed when that damned dog went bounding straight towards it. He was going to lose her.

 

Axel took a step forward, dark boots crunching in the white sands of the shore. “We've got something in common, Kairi,” he said, hoping to reattract her attention. He gestured towards her, holding a hand to his heart. “You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we're friends already.”

 

But it was too late. She was no longer listening to him. She took one then two steps backwards, shaking her head as she did. Blue eyes darted from him, then back to the portal behind her, and that stupid dog happily wagging its tail and barking excitedly. He gestured towards Kairi, again offering a hand but she narrowed her eyes and turned away, running immediately towards that portal.

 

“You're not acting very friendly!” she spat rudely at him before disappearing into the clinging, inky black. Axel cursed and railed, fire raging about him as anger consumed him. Anger that he wasn't supposed to have. Damn that woman! And damn that nosy, big-eared mouse!

 

He'd had no choice then but to follow after her.

 

“Axel!”

 

A clawed hand was on his shoulder, shaking him violently. Axel snapped awake, jerking upright in his seat as he scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He peered blearily around, finally setting sight on amused crimson eyes. Axel blinked, swinging his gaze around as he tried to figure out where in the hell he was.

 

“Why are you sleeping in the kitchen?” questioned Vincent, standing up straight as his wings fluttered behind him. The older male was fully dressed for work and seemed completely alert as he headed over towards the pot, pouring boiling hot water over a tea bag within a ceramic cup.

 

“Ummm.” Axel blinked again as he sat up, rubbing a hand over his face where sleep lines had formed in his cheek from the book he had been using as an impromptu pillow. It wasn't comfortable but apparently, he had been more tired than he originally thought.

 

A dark brow rose when Vincent settled into a chair across the table from him, steaming cup in his hand. “Work that difficult?”

 

Axel shook his head, staring blankly at the tabletop. “Nah,” he replied with a drawn-out yawn that was not the least bit attractive. He tapped the book in front of him as he flipped it closed. “Just... boring.”

 

Vincent peered at the tome, reading the title. “There's nothing there,” he replied. “I read that one already.”

 

The firestarter shrugged. “Yes, and I'm sure in your infinite knowledge you have exhausted all available data.” He yawned again, wiping at tears that gathered in the corner of his eyes, thoughts of his dream still reverberating in his head. Roxas was... a part of Sora. Roxas was unreachable. What was he still trying to prove then? What purpose was there in escaping?

 

He didn't know where Sora was. And if he ever found the boy, what could he do then? Try and make Sora become a Heartless again? He didn't think he could do that. Somewhere along the way he got attached to the little bugger. He was too much like Roxas. And if his suspicions were correct, Sora was in love with Riku. He didn't want to put anyone else through the same thing as him. He might have been one of the most selfish pricks of the Organization, but a small part of him had a conscience.

 

“Axel?”

 

Emerald eyes blinked. He hadn't even realized that he had spaced out. Vincent was looking at him, concern echoing in crimson eyes. It made something inside of him flutter. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

 

“What?”

 

The winged male peered at him. “Is everything all--"

 

“I remembered something last night,” Axel interrupted. “Something about Roxas.” He stared down at the book, eyes drawn to the inscribed title, gold inscripted lettering in leather binding. Except that it didn't have the answers. He wondered if anything did anymore.

There was a clink as Vincent laid the mug down on the tabletop. “What about him?” he questioned, sounding worried. “Maybe I can--"

 

“He doesn't exist,” Axel claimed dully. “Not in the typical sense that you can think of, anyways. He was a Nobody like me, but instead of choosing to live separately, he rebonded with his Heartless. He's a part of his other now. Irrevocably.”

 

The winged male nodded in understanding. “I see,” he responded, not missing for one moment the downcast look to his roommates expression. He paused in thought, something almost forgotten returning to his memories. “If I remember correctly, it is not entirely permanent.”

 

Axel snorted. “What do you know?” he sniped, kicking petulantly at a tableleg. Okay, so he was acting immature.

 

“Admittedly, not much. But unlike most people, I started out as a part of what began this entire mess, Xemnas and all,” Vincent explained slowly, tapping a clawed finger on the tabletop. When Axel looked up at him, clearly surprised, Vincent elaborated. “What do you know about the Keyblades?”

 

The redhead frowned. “Not much,” he grumbled.

 

Vincent's eyes darted to the wall, checking the time. “I have to leave soon so I'll be brief. There is not just one Keyblade, I'm sure you know this. Ansem discovered that just as there are multiple facets to a person's heart, there are also multiple facets to existence. The world is not just darkness and light, but shades of twilight and dusk, dawn even.” Seeing Axel's look of incomprehension, Vincent sighed. “All you need to know is that a Keyblade is capable of unlocking any lock and a heart, is a lock. Any Heartless dispersed by the Keyblade returns to Kingdom Hearts and up until now, no one knew where Nobodies went. But I know. Every Nobody comes here, to Gaia's Grotto. Every last one of them. Even those dispersed by the Keyblade.”

 

“Okay,” responded Axel. “But what does that have to do with Roxas?”

 

“A Keyblade can release someone's heart, turning them into a Heartless and in essence, creating a Nobody at the same time. That is, using one of the two extremes, either light or dark. Theoretically, a Keyblade of both realms could separate one entity into two parts without having to destroy one or the other.”

 

Axel narrowed his eyes. “You know a lot about this. Why?” Never mind the internal skipping of his insides at the thought that there might actually be a hope. A Keyblade that was not dark or light. It was a theory but it was a hope, which up until that moment he had completely lost. He would cling to it.

 

Crimson eyes darted towards the wall clock seconds before Vincent rose to his feet, tea forgotten on the table. “I'm going to be late,” he mumbled, turning away from the firestarter and heading quickly towards the hall. His wings fluttered behind him, a sign of agitation that Axel had already learned to identify.

 

Axel quickly scrambled up from the table, hurrying to follow the secretive man before he escaped and clammed up, since he was being so voluble and revealing. “Why won't you tell me?” he demanded, chair scooting across the floor and screeching loudly. “Why are you always hiding everything?”

 

However, Vincent didn't even respond, pretending as if he hadn't heard anything. He belted his holster around his thigh as he reached for the door. But Axel was like a dog on a bone; he wasn't letting all that information go without a fight. Just as the door opened, he shoved his palm against it, slamming it back shut. He leaned his weight against the door, effectively blocking Vincent from making an attempt at a well-timed exit.

 

The scarlet glare should have unnerved him, but he was used to them by now. “Why do you know so much about everything? Are you really a spy for the Council.”

 

“No.” But he offered up nothing else.

 

Axel snarled. “Then what the hell? I don't know if I can trust you.” They were surrounded by robots, if he couldn't trust in Vincent, then who could he rely on? Those same old feelings of being controlled without knowing it started to crop up again, despite his faith in his own feelings. Feelings he still wasn't used to having.

 

“That's not my problem,” Vincent growled, beginning to get equally irritated. He moved towards the door again, eyes narrowing when Axel slid between him and it, planting his body firmly in the way. Axel crossed his arms over his chest as Vincent sighed, “Axel.”

 

“Explain to me why you know so much,” demanded the firestarter. “Explain to me why you know about the Keyblades and why you have wings and why you flinch when I call you `Vince'. What exactly are you hiding?”

 

“When it's important for you to know, you'll know,” muttered Vincent lowly. “Now remove yourself from in front of my door.”

 

For a moment, Axel considered simply tackling the dark-haired man to the floor and beating the information out of him. But being as Vincent was far stronger and could kick his ass without breaking a sweat, the chance that he would be successful was highly unlikely. Nor did he think that the winged male would talk anyways. He didn't doubt the sadness and despair in Vincent's eyes, but Vincent knew things but wasn't revealing them and that alone made Axel uneasy.

 

Though anger boiled beneath the surface, he moved aside with stiff motions, sending Vincent his most irritated and perturbed glare which the other male promptly ignored, jerking open the door and leaving without another word, managing to close it quietly behind him. Axel frowned, punching the doorframe in a sudden burst of fury. The wood cracked beneath the force and his knuckles throbbed but he ignored the pain for the moment.

 

It was as if the very fates themselves were conspiring against him. The moment he dared build up any hope, that he managed to find some comfort, they threw another punch at him, knocking him back down to the ground. Roxas was damn nigh unreachable, Vincent knew more than he was saying, and Axel was left piling off the carousel, reeling with confusion and nauseated to the point of vomiting. Shooting one more pointless glare at the closed door, Axel turned on his heels and stormed down the hallway, flipping off lights as he did so.

 

He didn't know if he could trust Vincent and by proxy, Reno, but if he didn't talk to someone, he was going to burn everything to pieces which would be counterproductive. Since Reno was decidedly more open with knowledge and his past, Axel decided to hold back on all judgments for the moment. He tried not to think about all the negative possibilities just like he tried not to forget about Roxas being unreachable as he crawled into bed, fatigue crashing over him like a tidal wave.

Because if he did, he would surely lose his mind.

 

- - - - -

 

Reno woke him up bright and early and thankfully, in a much less shocking fashion. Why the older man had made it his goal in life to be Axel's alarm clock, the firestarter didn't understand. Not that he wasn't grateful. He had a bad habit of sleeping in as often as possible.

 

He noticed that Reno seemed strangely subdued as he dressed, not to mention that Vincent was conspicuously absent. Axel ran a brush through his hair, scowled at the tangles, gave up and left it spiky, figuring that the perpetual rain would do something to tamp them down. If not, it wasn't as if he cared what he looked like.

 

He also realized, as he slammed the door to his bedroom and stormed down the hall, that he was in a particularly foul mood that morning, most likely prompted by the nightmares that haunted his sleep. Reliving old memories that he'd rather forget and recalling moments that only made him more depressed. Not to mention Vincent's unhelpful behavior. Gaia's Grotto was stretching his patience thin, if he even had any to begin with. He wasn't exactly known for being a calm and rational person so it was surprising he had lasted for so long without blowing everything up.

 

Emerald eyes narrowed as he burst into the kitchen where Reno was rummaging without permission in their - his - Vincent's, whoever-the-fuck's, cabinets. Man, he couldn't even form a coherent sentence. Reno looked up as he entered, plopping down into a chair and immediately propping his feet up on the counter.

 

“Man, you look like you just ate a lemon,” joked Reno, pulling down a can and inspecting it. “What crawled up your ass and took a shit, yo?”

 

Axel scowled, shooting him a dirty look. “How do you keep getting in?” he questioned, looking around him for any signs of Vincent.

 

Reno shrugged. “Ancient Turk secret, passed down in the family for many generations,” he responded, shoving the can back into the counter and shutting the cabinet before taking his own seat at the table, mimicking Axel's posture. “I repeat, what happened between today and yesterday to get you all...” He waved an encompassing hand towards Axel as he drew his eyebrows together in a mockery of Axel's behavior. “... pissed off at the world?”

 

The firestarter stared at the table for a moment, running all possible responses through his head, considered throwing a fire ball at his new friend just for the hell of it, then settled for being blunt and frank, as usual. “How do I know I can trust Vincent?” he demanded, raising accusatory green eyes to Reno. “And for that matter how do I know I can trust you?”

 

Reno's eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. He stopped twirling in his chair and stood up straight, thick black boots hitting the ground with twin thuds. “This is new, yo,” he commented, scratching a finger through his hair. “What brought this on?”

 

Axel glared. “Don't play coy with me. I've had enough secrets from Vincent.” He leaned forward on the table. “Why does he know so much about this place?”

 

“I don't--"

 

“Reno...” The firestarter growled in warning.

 

Aquamarine eyes narrowed, finally flashing with fire as opposed to the usual friendly gleam. Axel had seen that look before. “Don't ask me a question if you don't want the answer,” Reno snapped. “I don't know about Vincent. No one does. The man is a mystery; he won't talk to anyone. But I do know that I trust him. He saved my life.” Reno sat back in his chair and pointed a finger at Axel. “And he saved yours, too.”

 

Axel sighed heavily and shoved his chair back, rising to his feet as he raked a hand through his hair. “Yeah, he saved my life. That's about the only thing I know for sure!” He turned away from the other male, realizing that he was ranting like a raving lunatic but felt like if he didn't say something than he would lose his mind, if it weren't gone already. “But when I mentioned something about Roxas, he had information that not just anyone can know. He won't tell me anything and I'm fuckin' losing my mind here.” He moved to the doorway, leaning against it and staring blankly into the hallway.

 

Silence fell for a moment before Reno stood as well. “This isn't just about Vincent.”

 

He shook his head, closing his eyes in weariness. “No.” He didn't really think about it until that moment but Reno was right. It wasn't so much Vincent's secrets as it was a culmination of things. “It's this place. This... hell. It gets in your head and inside of you. It...” He huffed angrily, unable to find the right words.

 

He wanted to go home, wherever the hell home was. He wanted to find a miracle path off of Gaia's Grotto, magically appear in front of Roxas who has phenomenally broken free of Sora without repercussion and then... do something. Hell, he hadn't thought that far in advance. He wasn't that sane to begin with and this place was only making it worse.

 

A hand gripped his shoulder then, squeezing companionably. “Look, I don't know what happened about Roxas and I'm not going to ask--"

 

Axel opened his mouth to say something but Reno quickly interrupted with a warning squeeze, quieting him instantly. He closed his mouth and stared at the floor, listening as Reno continued.

 

“You have two choices here. You can either trust Vincent or you can accuse him of whatever you want when he comes home after his double-shift. You'll argue and fight and then never see each other again. Those are your choices. I can't make it for you. But Vincent is not going to say anything until he's ready to, yo. If there's one thing he holds as precious as his memories it is his secrets, which to him, might be one and the same.”

 

Axel sighed heavily, feeling thirty years older than he should have as he rubbed at his forehead, shoulders slumping visibly. He scarcely noticed that his hand shook as his head throbbed. Reno was right, of course, that his choices were simple. He could go on ranting and raving about all the things Vincent wouldn't say or he could trust in the man and just hope to some deity that the man wasn't going to betray them anytime soon. Not that either choice would help him stop thinking about Roxas.

 

That boy had invaded his heart, no doubt about it. He might not have known how to define his true feelings about Roxas considering he didn't have any experience in recognizing emotions. But he did understand the fluttering feeling in his stomach or the sense of loss without him. He wasn't the type to give up easily. But that didn't mean it was getting any less complicated.

 

“How do you do it?” questioned Axel, hating that his voice came out hoarse.

 

Beside him, Reno frowned, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Do what?”

 

“Survive every day here,” responded the younger man, his voice subdued and weary.

 

Reno smiled then, though it was weak compared to the usual. “You dream a little, cry a little, and die a little each day.” He shrugged then, tapping Axel on the shoulder and guiding him towards the door before they were late for work, again. “We all have our own coping methods. You'll learn, yo.”

 

“Somehow, that isn't much of a comfort,” Axel responded dryly.

 

The older male laughed wholeheartedly. “Just a little sunshine to brighten the day. Now come on, we've got work to do before we all get our memories erased.” He paused, tilting his head to the side before adding, “Again.”

 

Axel laughed, shaking his head. So he wasn't okay and he was nowhere close to being all right. It would take some time before he could even begin to have some sort of grip on his emotions and his sanity. His trust, well that was another matter. He could understand Vincent's need for secrets, not that it made him feel any better.

 

Well, there was always tomorrow.

 

- - - - - -

 

 

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