Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Out of My Element ❯ Out of my Mind ( Chapter 8 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Chapter 8: Out of my Mind
Work had calmed him down a lot. It usually did, cooking had that soothing affect on him. So by the time work was through, his nerves had been calmed completely. Roxas had stayed by for a few hours talking with him; the topic had wandered away from Demyx and to the upcoming events at school. Once Roxas had gone, Luxord had began to chatter away about class, of course throwing in that they had by far the finest teacher the face of this world had ever witnessed. Luxord was prone to talking about the course due to his affection for their teacher, therefore he also had to suck every ounce of knowledge Axel gained through studying in their conversations. That way, when they sat in the front row for lectures Luxord could dazzle them with brilliance and ambition. It really was fun to watch him sweat over getting everything perfect to impress someone who didn't realize he existed beyond the classroom. Enough of that though, Axel had arrived home at last.
Standing just a few feet from the front door, he was reminded of the reason he'd left for work early. From within the house came the faint sounds of music playing; he was not sure yet if Demyx was creating it or if it was a radio. This was the first time he'd arrived home on Reno's day off with Demyx here, that's why he picked up on the music so quickly. It was a bit unnerving. Usually, Axel came home to Reno watching a movie curled up on Rude's lap, since the pair had long since memorized Axel's schedule to avoid… Awkward meetings.
Axel recognized this song, it had been very popular a while back and he'd heard it many times on the radio. If he remembered correctly the song was `Move Along' by The All-American Rejects. Stepping closer to the door, he confirmed that the song wasn't being sung by its original artist. Demyx's distinct voice and the single guitar playing was proof of that. It wasn't bad, considering a major part of the song was the backbeat played by the drums, which were absent in Demyx's version.
Inches from the door, he paused and glanced back over his shoulder. The weather was to take a turn for the worse later tonight, so he'd heard. From how the sky looked, it didn't appear to be anything ominous. From across the sky, light grey clouds were huddling together perhaps plotting against Axel; Axel hated the water and rain was always so cold there. In the light of the sun, which was happily crossing the sky in front of the clouds like a shepherd leading a mass of puffy sheep, the clouds were almost beautiful and uplifting, almost. If Axel didn't know any better, he'd have smiled at them and stared for a while. So instead, he scowled angrily at them in warning and retreated to the confines of his abode to escape any retaliation from the devious nimbus.
Upon entering, he was greeted with the sigh of Demyx and Reno. His brother was sitting back on the couch, enjoying himself thoroughly, while Demyx stood before him, guitar in hand, singing. Axel was frozen in a trance in the open doorway, a flood of emotions sweeping his ability to react away.
For a moment, he was stunned by Demyx's allure, his effortlessly angelic voice, the feeling under the tones he breathed. The light that filtered in from the blinds lit up the room around him, giving him that unreal beauty again. As Axel listened, however, he felt as though a lead ball had been dropped in his stomach. The dread of speaking with him was becoming an overwhelming terror. Thankfully, he'd yet to be noticed by the blonde deity.
“So a day when you've lost yourself completely,
Could be a night when your life ends.
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving,
All the pain held in your-
Hands are shakin' cold, your hands are mine to hold!
Speak to me!”
Axel snapped out of his trance. Turning, he quickly and silently closed the door, hoping that Demyx wouldn't look up from his guitar to see him. He was lucky; Demyx kept on playing, loud enough to overwrite the sound of the door clicking shut.
“When all you gotta keep is strong move along, move along,
Like I know you do!
And even when your hope is gone move along, move along,
Just to make it through!
Move Along!
When everything is wrong, we move along!”
Just before he reached the kitchen, the music stopped. Axel's stomach lurched and he glanced over to look at Demyx. Hand over the strings to halt the sound, Demyx smiled brightly at him, “Axel! Welcome home!” He greeted as soon as he'd caught Axel's gaze. On the couch Reno leaned back and waved a hand, mimicking Demyx's greeting.
“Um… Hey.” Axel turned his eyes away guiltily and he quickly slunk into the kitchen to avoid them, but Demyx was in before Axel could even catch another breath. Busying himself with a glass of water, he kept his back turned to Demyx. He found he couldn't really look Demyx in the eye knowing about what had happened.
“Axel, what's wrong? Did something happen?” Demyx timidly touched Axel's arm and he paused in his actions. “Axel? Why'd you leave so early this morning? I didn't even get to say goodbye…”
Peering at him through the corner of his eyes Axel lowered his head, “Sorry… I… There was something I had to do.”
“Oh…” Demyx stepped away from him, turning his gaze down, “They told you… About what happened I mean, yesterday morning.” His brows knitted together, almost in a confused and hurt way, “I get it… Now that something bad has happened to me, suddenly there's something wrong with me. Is that it? Somehow I'm not the same person I was the day before because something in my life changed.”
“That's not how it is-“ Axel turned around in objection, “I just… I'm sorry. I didn't want to-“
“What? You didn't want to upset me?! Didn't want to make it worse?” The hurt turned to anger in an instant, taking the offense, “Well, guess what! I don't need your damn pity! There's nothing wrong with me! Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean anything's changed! Saying you're sorry isn't going to help me, my mother's still going to be dead no matter how much you say it!”
“Demyx! Stop that, I didn't mean it like that! I just didn't know what to say anymore-“ Axel was trying desperately to defend himself and bring the situation under control. However, it was clear that Demyx wasn't going to accept his sincere apologies.
“You weren't supposed to say anything…” Demyx spat out bitterly looking over his should at the stairs before looking back at him, “You're… You're just a stupid kid! You don't understand anything at all! You're older than me and you're still just a stupid kid who can't do anything right-“
“Hey! I lost my mother too-“ Axel snapped back, his blood was beginning to boil.
“Don't even give me that! You didn't even know who she was!” Snarled Demyx fiercely, striking a chord in Axel's heart. “I can still remember my mother, I remember her voice, her smell- I remember everything about her! You can't understand what it's like; you'll never know how it feels because you lost your parents when you'd never remember their faces if not for photographs… I'll remember mine forever, I'll remember the last time I saw them, the last words we spoke, all the plans we'd made together, our final fights… Everything suddenly becomes so important when they're gone, and you'll never know how it feels!”
Axel was furious, his temper bubbling over into a rage now as he fought back, “Maybe that's a god damn good thing too! You're one fucked up little brat! See a psychiatrist, you need some major therapy! Maybe they'll drug you up real nice and level out your twisted personality!”
“You're such an asshole! I hate you; I hope you die and rot in hell, you bastard!” Demyx gave Axel a swift kick before dashing out of the room and up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door shut. Axel would have been on his heels had his brother not caught him from behind in the front room and yanked him off his feet.
Axel gave a mighty struggle, kicking his legs and trying to elbow Reno to pry the older man off him. When it didn't work he simply called after Demyx, still enraged, “Fine! Lock yourself up in you room! Don't ever come out either; starve to death you little rat!” Growling Axel gave another fight, but gave up quickly, his energy draining away, “You stupid kid!” He piped up weakly, then his head dropped and he was set on his feet, “At least you knew who your parents were…”
Reno released him and Axel slumped to the floor unhappily, “Hey, bro. You all right, yo?”
“I'm fine.” Grumbled Axel wiping at his eyes, they were burning with tears, “Stupid kid… I just didn't want to do anything dumb…” He mumbled. Beside him, he could feel Reno stroke his head comfortingly, “Guess I kinda screwed up that, huh Ren?”
“Yeah, screwed up pretty bad too, yo. Everythin' will be all right though. You two'll work everythin' out, I'm sure.” Assured his brother.
“I hope you're right…”
Beyond the window of his bedroom, the thunder rumbled in disdain. The pitter patter of rain beat on the glass, a constant reminder of his troubles. Because of the heavy storm, it was darker out at night than normal. The stars and moon had been swallowed up before they'd gotten a chance to shine and many of the lights from the streets and houses were drown out by the offending droplets and mist rising from the earth.
It was 3 AM. Really he would have loved to have been asleep, but the fight earlier had been replaying in the back of his mind. The cold and dreariness of the rainstorm wasn't helping his troubled mind. Another flash of lightning was followed by a crack and made him jump slightly. He never got used to the lightning or its voice; it was something that would always make him shudder. If not for the tempest raging outside, Axel might have been able to stifle the guilt and made some sort of attempt at sleeping.
Leaning back against the headboard, Axel tipped his head back and sighed. There was a faint grumble from something being moved outside, something like a tarp, but he ignored it. The wind that whooshed around the house was likely to tear something away somewhere. Then there was another faint sound, this time it caught his attention: the sound of splashing. He wasn't sure why he'd paid it any mind; it was raining after all. There just seemed to be a quality about it that made it stand out.
With a growl, he pulled himself from the warmth of his bed and went to his window to peer outside. It was pitch black, but lightning would crash soon enough and light the land as clear as daylight. As he waited the splashing continued; it seemed like forever until the lightning came. Within the split second he'd identified the source of the sound, Demyx sat at the edge of the pool miserably kicking his legs in the water.
A smile touched his lips and he made his way out of the room. He paused outside Demyx's door. It stood wide open, a heavy pile of things lying beside it. When Axel had tried to speak with him earlier Demyx had only told him weakly to go away and when offered food he replied that he wasn't hungry, or he repeated Axel's words to him; that one had made Axel retire to his room and bury his troubles in the comfort and sanctity of his warm bed. From the looks of it, Demyx had not only locked the door, but barricaded it as well.
Slipping down stairs, he quickly found his way to the back door and stepped outside, snagging a flashlight along the way. The night air was bitter cold with a crisp smell to it. For a moment he paused in the safety of the second floor projection that shielded the patio. Then he crept out into the rain to find his way to the now open pool.
It seemed shortly after Axel had seen him, Demyx opted to just get in, maybe swim, because he wasn't at the poolside anymore. Flicking on the flashlight, he searched the pool. It took no more than ten seconds to spot him out in the water.
“Hey, get the light out of my eyes.” Demyx objected quickly throwing an arm up to shield his eyes, sinking a bit in the water as he did so.
“Sorry.” Turning off the light, Axel rounded the pool to be nearer to the young musician, “Hey, it's dangerous to be swimming out in a thunderstorm like this.” He called, his voice raised to overcome the sound of the rain and wind, “If lightning hits around here, you'll be killed.”
A splash sounded in front of him, followed by a soft gasp, “What do you care?” Came Demyx's bitter reply as he pulled himself out of the water and sat up on the edge again. He was only wearing his boxers, his other clothes having been discarded elsewhere.
Axel crouched down; he himself was already soaked by the freezing rain. In his action, he brushed up against Demyx, “Come inside, you're frozen to the bone.”
“Am not.”
“I can feel you shaking next to me.” Demyx stay silent, so Axel continued, “We'll talk…”
“I like the rain; you'll have to talk out here…” Informed the teenager stubbornly.
“But, i-its freezing!” Objected Axel, cursing that the cold was already making him stutter while Demyx's voice remained steady, “I'm n-no good with this k-k-kind of weather, I'll get sick, Demyx… R-remember, naturally high body temperature? I f-feel cold fast.” He cursed inside some more, he sounded like an idiot, stumbling over his words like that. Wrapping his arms around himself, he tried to close in whatever body heat he still had left. It didn't seem to work. The rain that pelted against his bare skin and soaked clothes was effectively sucking the warmth right out of his body and causing his skin to sting more and more with every drop.
“Better talk fast then.”
“D-d-damn it.” Axel bowed his head, allowing the rain to drip off his hair instead of down into his eyes, “F-fine. I'm s-s-s-sorry.” He paused, angry that it was so hard to get out the last word. Shifting, he sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest instead of dangling them in the water, “Sometimes I s-say stuff I don't r-really mean. I… I really do l-like you, and I d-don't want you t-to get hurt, g-got it memorized?”
For a moment, there was silence. Demyx seemed to be thinking about his answer. He might have glanced up before replying but Axel couldn't see, “I'm sorry too… For kickin' ya and saying all that mean stuff… I just,” Demyx paused as a lightning snaked its way across the sky with a violent rumble following after it, “I just wanted everything to be normal.” Demyx leaned against him. Axel really wished he hadn't; if it were possible Demyx was colder than the rain and the night air put together, “I know you were just trying to help… Forgive me?”
“S-s-s-s-s- D-damn it! Yes! I-I forgive you.” His teeth were chattering so hard, Axel could barely speak, it was a wonder he got out as much as he did. A few minutes exposed to the icy rain and even more chilled by the unrelenting wind was brutal punishment for someone who hated any temperature under 70 degrees. Unfurling his right arm, he put it around Demyx's shoulder and gave him something of a hug. Head turned; he rested his forehead against Demyx, “C-can we go in n-now?”
“Oh- Of course, I'll- I'll get you some towels!” Demyx leapt up and darted into the house. Shivering, Axel slowly followed after him. Back inside the house he paused in the kitchen, his clothes sopping wet. Not wanting to track in any more water than he had to, he stripped off the tank top he'd been wearing. Then he waited for Demyx to return with a towel, “Here!” Demyx slid back into the kitchen, holding about five towels. A little excessive but Axel would use them all.
Taking the first one he stripped himself of the rest of his clothes and tied it around his bare waist. The rest, he draped around himself before retreating to his room, closely followed by Demyx. Getting back into bed, Axel hummed with approval. He could still feel the heat from when he'd occupied it earlier.
“I'm sorry; I shouldn't have made you stay out there so long. Are you going to be all right? Should I get Reno?”
“No.” Mumbled Axel, his voice muffled by the sheets and pillow. Turning his head he peered at Demyx with one eye, “You're shaking too. You should get changed into something dry,” He stated quietly.
In the darkness, he could see Demyx hesitate before turning and leaving the room. When he returned, he just stood outside the door, peeking in around the corner. For a long moment Axel wondered why he didn't come back in, but his mind eventually caught up with him and he laughed turning his face back to his warm pillow.
“I wasn't implying I wanted you gone.” He spoke up; again turning his head so his voice was audible, “Come back in.” Demyx smiled, gratefully returning to his bedside, “Don't just stand there; come here.” Raising his hand, Axel opened up a cubby in the tangle that was his bedspread. Unsettled, Demyx made a face, an unhappy one.
“That's weird.” Demyx voiced discontentedly.
“We'll get warmer faster if we share body heat… It's common practice.” Axel offered his arm still raised, “Hurry up, the warmth is escaping.”
“I don't think I should… Two guys in a bed together…”
“So what? No one's going to know but you and me. Want in or not?” He started to close up the gap he'd created and instantly Demyx lurched forward and crawled into the space beside him. From the happy sigh, it seemed Demyx was pleased with his choice.
“It's warm,” He hummed merrily. Rolling onto his side, Demyx faced Axel and gave him a suspicious look suddenly, “You're not going to try anything… Funny are you?”
Axel laughed, “I see someone already gave you `the talk' before you came, huh?” Smiling Axel nuzzled his pillow, “Nah, I'm not going to do anything to you… You're too sweet a kid.” Axel paused and frowned, “Hey, I… I really am sorry. Especially for saying you were twisted and all that. I know it's got to be pretty hard, so forget I ever said any of that… I didn't mean a single word I said.”
“I know… We were just angry.” Demyx let out a heavy breath, “Sometimes… I know I act strangely, and I know that it worries a lot of people that I do… But, try to understand. My father died just four years ago and I deal with these things my way… I don't like crying, or leaning on someone else's shoulder. That kind of thing… It doesn't help me and it's harder on everyone that way… So, it's not like I don't care she's gone, I just want to move on and forget about it.”
“I understand… Not literally,” He added quickly, “but the concept, because… You know… I've never lost anyone, but I know it'd be pretty awful to lose my brother.” The conversation was awkward, even more so from Axel's lack of experience with this sort of thing. He really wished it would be over.
“I like him… You're brother's really nice, but he really needs to stop worrying so much.” Demyx commented, “He had me stressed out all day…” Demyx let out an aggravated grumble, “Always askin' me if I was all right and if I needed anything.”
“He had good intentions though.”
“I know… Everyone always does.” They fell silent again. It took a few minutes, but Demyx finally broke the silence again, “I was wondering… Well, more like hoping, that maybe… You'd come with me to the funeral. I know you didn't know her, but the only person I'll know who's going is Rufus… And I know him just as much as I know you and Reno.”
“If you want me there… Sure, I'll go.”
“Thanks, Axel…”
This chapter didn't come out how I wanted it to; in fact it makes me really angry. However, I tried fixing it and couldn't get it any better. I spent so much time trying to fix it, the other half of what was going to be in this chapter has to take up an entirely new chapter. After next chapter, things should start to look up for our protagonists.
Next chapter is focusing on the funeral.