Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Out of My Element ❯ What Can Get Better ( Chapter 24 )

Chapter 24: What Can Get Better

The curtains of Axel's room were half drawn to let some light in but keep it dim enough that it limited their view of the rest of the room. It was midday and a Sunday, but they figured if they kept quiet, Reno wouldn't be concerned with them until they were missing for several hours from the front room. Axel had thought it was a good idea, but closed the door just in case and locked it for good measure.

Unclothed, Demyx knelt between Axel's legs, kissing down his stomach, and Axel was on his back stroking Demyx's head. An idea came to Demyx's mind and he pulled away. Crawling up, he pressed their foreheads together and gave him a light kiss, “Hey, you wanna be on top?” He asked with a grin, chuckling to himself when Axel's face turned red and his eyes grew wide.

“I, uh… I don't think so…” Axel murmured uncomfortably. It wasn't as though he hadn't thought of it or even dreamed of it, but Axel wasn't entirely sure about the real deal. Maybe he was afraid of hurting Demyx or maybe he was afraid of being humiliated at being no good at it. His handful of sexual partners hadn't been very educational.

Laughing a bit more, Demyx shook his head, “Come on. You'll like it, I promise.” Demyx told him, “Here, I'll get started.” He said as he reached for Axel's drawer for the lube. Axel had bought some the Tuesday Reno was gone after he remembered how much it hurt afterwards without it. Axel was all for a little pain here and there, but with how much they'd be doing it he figured it was better that way.

Pulling out the lube, Axel watched with anxiety as Demyx squirted some out onto his fingers. Then he capped it and set it aside on the bed, possibly anticipating that Axel might not be able to go all the way through with it. He gave Axel a reassuring kiss and closed his eyes as he steadied himself on one hand and reached back with the other. Axel couldn't see what he was doing, but he had a good idea considering the soft sexy noise coming from his lover. They were different than the ones Demyx normally made, a bit higher in pitch and a tad more melodious.

His body quivered and the muscles of his arm twitched as he fingered himself. All the while Axel watched without touching, his gaze as intent as a lion on a gazelle. Demyx must have felt it because he opened his eyes, pupils dilated, to meet it. Licking his lips, his grin spread, “Good thing I don't have performance anxiety.” He murmured with a breathy laugh. A soft grunt left him as he pulled his fingers out and took Axel's hand, “Here… Give it a try.” He was being surprisingly gentle and understanding with him today. It happened every so often, but normally these chance encounters were filled with a passion that refused to be tamed.

Axel's heart leapt into his throat as Demyx coaxed his hand to his ass and instructed him on what to do. Slow and steady… As he pushed his fingers inside, Demyx closed his eyes again and bowed his head, touching it to Axel's, “Ah… Good. Just like that.” He murmured, moving his hand away so he could stroke himself, “All the way in.”

Ring and middle finger knuckle deep, Axel paused to get used to the feeling of Demyx's warmth around them. It was alien, soft and yielding. Not exactly what he'd expected for some reason.

Then he began to pull them out and thrust them back in, forcing those soft whimpering sounds from Demyx's chest. Demyx hadn't really ever been wrong whenever he told Axel `you'll like it' this was no exception. The way Demyx sounded, his expression, made anticipation build up inside him, “You're fingers are so long…” Demyx murmured, making Axel even harder for him. Opening his eyes again, he leaned in for a kiss, “You want to give it a try? I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.”

Axel was quiet a moment, eyes trailing down Demyx's body, why not? “All right.”

Demyx looked happy.

A knock at the door interrupted and Demyx practically fell off the bed but Axel caught him before he tumbled down completely. He struggled to keep him on before deciding he ought to just gently set him down on the floor. The person at his door tried it then called through, “Hey, I can't find Demyx. Have you seen him, yo? I checked his room and no one's in the bathroom.” Reno said sounding a tad concerned. Damn it.

“Uh, er. Maybe he's out back? Or the garage, he likes to raid my old things.” Axel said gesturing for Demyx to hurry and get dressed as he got out of bed. Hastily, he began to pull on his clothes.

“Yeah? All right. Everything okay in there, little bro?” Reno asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah! Great! I just spilled… Soda on my pants. I needed to change.” Axel lied before he heard Reno give the `OK' and wander away from the door.

“How am I supposed to get out of here without him noticing?” Demyx asked in a hushed whisper.

Axel looked around before going to his closet. Pulling out a black nylon rope, he tossed Demyx the end, “I'll lower you out the window after he's checked the backyard.” Axel said as he wrapped the rope around his arm to make sure it was secure. There was nothing really in the room to tie it to.

“Rope? You really have black rope in your room?” Eying the nylon coil, Demyx looked surprised.

Axel flashed him a charming smile, “Don't you?”

Shaking his head, Demyx glanced out the window, “All right, let's get this over with.” He mentioned. Pulling up the blinds, he wrapped the rope around his waist and opened up the window, “Don't drop me.” He warned as he carefully stepped out the window. His foot slipped and he dropped a few feet before the rope pulled at Axel and nearly sent him flying out the window as well. At least that was the only slip-up they had and Axel easily brought him safely to the ground. Then he pulled up the rope and closed the window.

Arms sore, Axel rubbed them as he left the room to pretend to look for Demyx, “Reno? You find him yet?” Axel called into the house, but there was no answer, “Reno?” Opening up the door to the garage he peaked in. Then he went out back. Then the front yard. Where in the world had they gone?

Picking up the landline, he listened for a dial tone but it was dead. Then he opened up his cell, completely black. Was the power out? He tried the TV, but all he got was static. In the kitchen, he checked the clocks. The time shined on them indicating the power still worked but… As he stared, he became suspicious of them. Tapping the glass, he urged the minute to tick by but it didn't. Back in the living room the non-digital clock stood at a standstill, the second hand frozen in time.

“Reno! Demyx!” Axel called out the front door. He leaned out, but felt too uneasy to leave. The sky was dark now, when had the sun gone down, “Demyx!” He called again. His voice echoed in the silence… Silence. No birds singing, no cars, no children laughing, just silence.

Dread sank in his gut and he stepped away from the door. Running upstairs, he threw open his window and yelled again, “Demyx!” But no answer. His room seemed miles above the ground now.

He ran to the stairs, running down them, down and down again. It seemed to take forever to get to the bottom. Now he ushed to the back door and opened it up. His eyes search the darkness. There was something in the pool; he could just barely see an outline bobbing around on top of the water.

Swallowing his fear, he stepped out and crept towards the pool. Even right beside it, he couldn't quite see. Moving around it, he tried to get a better view. As he did so, he stepped in something warm and slick. Looking down, he discovered it was flowing into the pool from the house.

He turned to search for the source, “Hello?” He voice sounded weak in the darkness. He took a step and the floodlights suddenly cast the backyard in light. A scream tore out of his throat at the sight.

The black rope from his room was wrapped tightly around Demyx's throat, his neck bent awkwardly back as he hung from Axel's window. Blood was bubbling up from his throat, trailing down his body onto the side of the house and onto the lawn. He wasn't moving but his wide eyes trembled as they stared up into the sky.

Stumbling back, Axel slipped in the blood and fell back into the pool. Still screaming, he struggled to stay above the blood stained water desperately grabbing at anything he could get his hands on. His hands found something soft and buoyant and he pulled himself up to gulp in a breath of air. When he looked to see what it was he'd grabbed onto, he let out another scream and let go of his brother's body and went under.

Axel shot up from the couch, hand over his chest as he gasped for breath. His mind was reeling and he felt sick to his stomach but he couldn't force himself to stand. What nightmarish place had that dream come from? Then he remembered that not all of it was a dream. It was partly a memory of Sunday, the day before Demyx started acting strange. They'd almost gone through with Axel being top but Reno had interrupted. Demyx had made it outside and everything had turned out all right. Apparently, the day's events had turned the memory sour in his mind.

Calming down, Axel realized that the phone was ringing and he snatched it up off the hook, “Yes, hello?” His voice was high and quick, sounding frightened from the dream still.

“He's all right.” Namine's voice told him.

Axel was relieved, “Where is he?”

“I can't say… With a friend.”

Growing angry, Axel stood, “Namine, tell me where he is! What am I supposed to tell Reno when-“ Damn it. Rude closed the front door to bring attention to the fact that they were home and Axel whirled around. How long had he been sleeping? How long had he waited for her to call back before exhaustion threw him into that nightmare? He looked at the clock: 7:30pm.

Axel hung up on her without saying goodbye, “Tell me what, yo?” Asked Reno. Rude looked away.

“That uh… Demyx is at a friend's house.” The words sounded lame as he said them, especially when he had so little confidence in them.

Reno looked confused, “Yeah, he said he was stayin' at a friend's house for the weekend. He told me yesterday.” Reno gave Rude's tie a tug as he left the doorway and approached Axel, “Bro, you all right?” He asked and Axel sat back down on the couch. Reno sat to his right and Rude sat to his left, “You've been…” Reno searched for the words and looked to Rude for help, who was normally short on words so probably not very helpful, “Sadder recently. Did you and Demyx get into a fight?” He asked and Axel wondered why he would ask such a thing. Had Rude said something? No… Rude wouldn't do that, “I know this hasn't been easy for you little bro, but I thought you two were gettin' on.” Axel internally winced at his brother's wording, “You know ya can talk to me about anything right?”

Guilt welled up inside Axel's stomach and the nausea from earlier returned. Axel felt Rude's arm wrap around his shoulders and he relaxed. Leaning into him, Axel sighed and closed his eyes. Then Reno stroked his hair. Who needed a mother and father? Two brothers were just as good, “I'm just… Tired.” He murmured. Turning, Axel let his back rest against Rude and swung his leg over Reno's lap. It was nice just to have them there, both of them, “I love you guys.” He said softly, holding Rude's arm lightly.

“We love you to, yo.” Reno told him, “Couldn't ask for a better brother.” The guilt stirred. Now Axel knew why Rude hated lying to him. Reno was such a good guy, “Don't worry about Demyx, you two'll work it out.”

“Yeah…” Axel wasn't so sure. How could things have been so perfect to end up like this?

Demyx's voice rang out through his head, “If I ran away, would you come for me?” And he wondered what Demyx was running from.

It was pretty late Sunday night when Axel saw Demyx again or even heard his voice. He looked… Better, which made Axel feel worse. Why should he look happier, more alive, when Axel looked like shit and felt half dead? Especially when the reason for the downfall was his worry for his lover who couldn't stand to be touched by him? With how long he'd been given to brood and suffer, Axel couldn't bring himself to meet Demyx's smile and instead looked away and left the room, “Reno, Demyx is back.” He called to his brother as he disappeared into the kitchen. Pulling out carbonized poison, also known as soda, Axel pulled the tab and took a drink. Maybe that was part of the reason he felt like crap. He'd given up on his normal healthy diet and gone out to buy a bunch of junk that he normally wouldn't touch. It didn't taste half bad but after he was done eating or drinking it, he felt a little more like something the cat dragged in.

Demyx had followed him in, “Soda?”

With half a scowl, Axel peered at Demyx over his shoulder, “What of it?” And Demyx shrugged as Axel downed the rest of it. Crushing it in his hand, Axel tossed it across the room into the garbage, scarcely missing Reno who leapt back out of the way.

“Nice shot!” Reno commended, obviously ignoring the fact that Axel was in a bad mood. A lifetime together had taught Reno to not push him. When he was ready, they'd talk, “So, Demyx. Axel told me Rufus called about school again.” Reno sat at a chair and Demyx reluctantly sat across from him. Axel practically rolled his eyes, hoping this would ruin whatever good mood Demyx had. Then he left it to Reno to talk some sense into that boy. Fuck, Axel was pissed.

Upstairs, Axel brushed his teeth, hoping to call it a night soon before his internal self destruct mechanism reached maximum capacity and he had a meltdown. He stared himself down in the mirror, commanding himself to knock this shit off and get over it. It was probably too late for that… And speaking to `too lates' that maximum capacity thing breached as Demyx walked in. Spitting into the sink, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and turned to face the blonde.

“You're angry with me.” Demyx mentioned as if he hadn't realized it up until that point. Way too late…

Practically snarling, Axel's body went tense, “You must fucking hate me to do this to me. I was worried about you, so sick to think that something might be hurting you and you wouldn't let me help. All I wanted to do was know what was wrong. I wanted to help you and what did that get me? This- This bullshit attitude! Who the hell do you think you are? I thought things were better between us than this!” Axel's voice was slowly raising and his anger began to boil over. Stepping forward, Demyx stepped back. His silence was not comforting and did nothing to calm Axel down, “I must have been a fool to ever think you felt the same about me! To think that you might actually come to me if you weren't happy! What the hell are you doing? Who the hell are you? You spill your sad little sob stories into a bowl for me and I just lapped it all up thinking we were getting closer, that you actually wanted me to know you!” Demyx was now standing against his door and Axel in the doorway of the bathroom. Reno appeared at the stairs, Rude at the end of the hall just outside their shared room.

“Axel-“ Reno started but Axel raised a hand.

“Stay out of this Reno.” Axel snapped viciously, “You just think you can bat those pretty blue eyes and make everything okay? Do you even know who I am? Do you know how much that hurt me? How much you hurt me? Lying to me, keeping secrets, running away from your fucking problems like the world would forget them? Fuck, I didn't forget them! And you just come back expecting me to welcome you home like you never did shit to me?” Demyx tried to look away, eyes instinctively going to the stairs, where Reno stood, “Don't you look at him! He's not your fucking brother! He's mine, remember? This is my house, my family, not yours!”

“Axel!” Reno tried to butt in.

“Shut up!” Axel stepped forward and slammed his palms on Demyx's door, trapping Demyx in place. Glaring down at him, his anger began to die, “This is not the person I am, not who I want to be- This is your fault.” Rude grabbed Axel by the arm and Axel suddenly seemed to snap out of whatever fit he was having.

“Go to your room.” Rude ordered in a low voice and Axel felt like a kid again. Looking over his shoulder, Axel's heart dropped. Reno looked so hurt and appalled at his behavior. Head down, he shrugged out of Rude's grasp and ran into his room. He could hear Reno and Rude talking in the hall for a while before Rude came into his room.

He didn't say anything, not at first. He didn't really need to. Rude's silence spoke volumes and Axel just sat on his bed feeling cowardly and ashamed of himself, “This isn't like you.” Rude finally said and Axel bowed his head even lower. The bed shifted as Rude sat himself down beside him, “What's going on with you… You've never spoken to your brother like that.”

“I…” Axel leaned away from Rude, as if touching him would spread this strange conduct, “I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Rude… I… I love him. I love him so much.” Head in his hands, Axel pressed his palms to his eyes making them sting, “I just… Everything was so perfect… And then he wouldn't let me touch him or look at him… And he wouldn't talk to me. No one would…. I didn't know what was going on and I didn't know what to do. And it just got worse… And worse…” Rude laid one of those big paws on his back and stroked his shoulder blades.

“We're worried about you too… How do you think it makes us feel when you won't talk to us?” Rude told him, his voice low and steady.

Axel lifted his head, emerald eyes looking up past those dark sunglasses, “I'm so sorry.” He felt like such an asshole.

“It's not me you need to apologize to.” Rude told him, his expression unyielding as he got up, “Calm down and then tell Reno that you're sorry for yelling at him. Then get this sorted out with Demyx… Be gentle with him. You're scaring everyone.” And then he was gone.

Getting up, Axel leaned against the wall. He listened carefully and could hear Reno talking with Demyx in the next room but couldn't make out the words. His eyes closed and he let out a soft sigh. Demyx was so close, almost within his grasp, and he'd never felt more alone, “I miss you…” He breathed into the silence, wondering if the words might somehow reach Demyx.

In the morning, the house was filled with tension that refused to break. Everyone was quiet for a while, afraid that disturbing the silence might throw Axel through a loop again and he'd lose it like he had last night. Demyx hadn't even provoked him... He felt like such an asshole, really, and he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said all night but couldn't find the courage to leave him room until the sun was out. Even then, he found he couldn't quite look anyone in the eye, instead finding comfort in the patterns on the floor.

Tiptoeing past Demyx's door, Axel crept downstairs and went out back. It was cool outside, the grass dotted with sparkling beads of dew. He remembered his dream from the other day and shuddered, quickly ducking back inside to avoid the memory turned nightmare. Reno was there when he came in and Axel immediately dropped his head and looked away. Pushing back up against the glass door, he intended on staying there until Reno moved well out of his way, but his brother just stood there waiting. Maybe he wasn't sure if Axel would snap at him or not.

When Axel slowly raised his gaze, Reno put one foot forward and held out his hand. Axel stared as his pale palm, feeling his chest tighten, before reaching out to take his hand. He let himself easily be pulled in for a hug. Reno wrapped both arms around him and tucked Axel's shoulder under his chin, “Don't worry about it little bro… We all have off days, buddy.” Pulling away, Reno ruffled Axel's red hair and smile at him, “We'll always get through it, no matter what, right?”

Axel turned his eyes away but nodded, “Right. I'm sorry.”

Shaking his head, Reno patted Axel's cheek, “I know, little bro.” Turning he began to pull out some bacon and eggs for breakfast. He wasn't much of a cook, but Axel hadn't really been in the mood for cooking lately, “How about you give me a hand?”

With a sigh, Axel relinquished a hopeless smile and went to join him at the stove.

The bacon was crisping up nicely when Demyx came in. Axel glanced but quickly looked away, only to be elbowed by his brother. When he didn't move, Reno gave him a more painful jab and practically shooed him away. Rude nodded his head towards Demyx when he tried to escape to the front room.

Shoulders heavy and head low, he skulked over to the table where Demyx sat with his back towards them all. Sitting down beside him, Axel was quiet. Eyes focused on the stains and scratches on the table, he tried to think of an excuse but came up with nothing. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Rude and Reno began to talk amongst themselves and they began to crack the eggs and scramble them. The background noise felt reassuring.

Shyly watching Demyx out of the corner of his eye, he tentatively reached under the table. When he found Demyx's hand, he grasped his fingers gently, stroking Demyx's with his thumb, “I… I'm a fool. Can you forgive me?” Axel asked quietly.

“I… Can we talk in the car?” Demyx looked over his shoulder at Reno and Rude but he didn't pull his hand away.

“Okay…” Axel wasn't really in any position to say `no'. All he wanted was for all this to go away and for everything to go back to the way it was before.

Breakfast went by without much of hitch. They were quiet for the most part, choosing not to comment on the slight char of the food or on the events of the night before. Axel was glad for this. He didn't know how much talk of last night he could handle. He already felt terrible about it, and everyone seemed to sense that bringing it up wouldn't make much of a difference.

When Axel was done eating, what meager portion he could stomach, he stood and collected Demyx's plate as well. Reno and Rude still seemed to be eating, “I, uh… Did you want me to fix you something for lunch?” Asked Axel meekly from the sink. Demyx got up and shook his head `no' as he went to pack his backpack, not that it was a sign Demyx would actually go to class today. He seemed pretty good at faking it. But that was just Axel's hurt talking and his guilt quickly snuffed that back out again.

The drive in the car was quiet for a while before Axel leaned forward and flicked on the radio. He tuned it for a moment before settling on a station Luxord had recommended, who had learned of it from Xigbar. Being as they were a bit more openly gay, they were more immersed in the whole culture of it and knew where to find things to suit their tastes. They really were made for each other.

The station was hosted by a queen and his politically minded bear, at least that's how Luxord described them. Axel really wouldn't know, except the queen did sound a bit on the feminine side. The queen hosted music hours and the bear did talks and spoke with listeners. It was interesting and currently too early for the bear to be up from his nightly hibernation. As such, some generic LGBT song played that Axel didn't really listen to.

“Where are we going?” Asked Demyx as he pulled up his knees to his chest. He was looking out the window, watching the houses go by.

“Doesn't matter, I'll get you there in time.” Axel mentioned, watching the road, “So… I, uh… Said some pretty stupid things last night.”

“No…”

“No?” Axel took his eyes off the road a moment but Demyx pointed at the pavement trying to keep him focused on what he was doing. Obeying, Axel's green orbs focused ahead again but he was all ears, so to speak.

“You were right…” Demyx told him, sighing heavily and holding himself a little tighter, “I was just running away… I didn't think- I mean… I thought I was… I don't know what I thought. I just didn't want to drag you into it.” Demyx muttered, toying with the lock on the door.

Axel only had one word, “Why?” He glanced Demyx's way to see Demyx staring at the radio now.

“I was confused… And scared. I didn't know where to turn.” His eyes were fixed intently on the dial and Axel wasn't sure why. He tried to half listen to Demyx and the song that was playing but it was hard. Demyx was currently holding so much of his attention and the rest was trying to keep them from getting into an accident.

“And… Now?”

Demyx shook his head, “Still scared… But… I didn't mean to hurt you…” His voice was distant and Axel turned his attention from Demyx to the radio. He recognized the song but he was having a hard time connecting with it, but he was distracted.

-unassuming one.
We all gasp this can't happen here,
We're all much too civilized.
Where can these monsters hide?
But they are knocking on our front door!
They're rocking in our cradles!
They're preaching in our churches!
And eating at our tables!

Axel still couldn't seem to place it. He was trying but his memory failed him as to why he would recognize it. Luxord and Xigbar would have been quick to point it out, but they weren't there and Axel was less savvy with these kinds of things.

I can't forget, hard as I try, this silhouette against the sky.

Then it dawned on him.

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering `why?'
Scarecrow trying,
Angels will hold- carry your soul away.

Stopping at a sign, Axel reached forward and quickly changed the channel, “Sorry, don't mind that.” Axel said, maybe being too cautious about the subject of death. Still, Demyx looked genuinely relieved when the radio switched and a new song came out of the speakers. Something cheerier and more about being loved.

Some people, it's a pity, they go all their lives and never know how to love or to let love go.
But it's alright now, we'll make it through this somehow!
And we'll paint the perfect picture.

All the colors of this world will run together more than ever!
I can feel it!
Can you feel it?

Pulling over under the shade of a tree, Axel put the car in park. Tentatively, he placed a hand on Demyx's head, smoothing his hair back, “You all right? You could have changed the station.” Axel told him, but Demyx just shook his head a little, “Baby… Lover… How about… How about when you get home, you can help me with the guitar some more? If you don't… If you don't want to do that kind of thing anymore, we can just… You know, be friends, right?” Axel struggled with the words and they sounded lame when he finally got them out. Actually, he didn't want to be friends. He wanted to be lovers, wanted to wake up with Demyx in his arms. Still, if friends was all he could get…

“No.” Axel pulled his hand away at the sharp response. Immediately Demyx retracted his statement, “I mean, yes. I mean… I don't know. Axel…” Leaning back in his seat, Demyx looked at Axel's reflection in the car window. He moved his arm to the center rest and held his palm up. For a moment, Axel just stared at his hand before Demyx looked at him curiously. Then he placed his palm over Demyx's and held his hand gently, “This is nice… I… I just don't want you to see me like this.”

Axel almost laughed, but he managed to bite it back, “Like what? You're beautiful.” And hadn't he seen him already? “Baby, I love you. No matter what you look like.”

Demyx was stunned to silence and Axel couldn't figure out why, “You've never said it…”

“Hm?” Then, “Oh…”

“I… Think I might love you too.” Demyx turned his face away from the window and stared at their fingers intertwined. His eyes followed their hands as Axel lifted them and placed a kiss to their fingers.

“Then don't go breaking my heart. Come home to me.”

This forced a smile out of Demyx's melancholy face. The sun sprinkled in between the leaves, dappling Demyx with sparkling rays of light. There was that beautiful face Axel remembered, “You're such a sap. No wonder you're always the girl.”

“You don't mind.” Axel reminded.

“I really don't…”

Yup, split the chapter again! This chapter has been split twice now to create 3 chapters covering material originally covered in 1.

But we're all okay with that right? Just means the story goes on longer. Thinking maybe 4 chapters left… If I can ever really stick to the schedule.