Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Live Journals! ❯ Gunter ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou, Tomo Takabayashi does.

Summary: Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate a footnote which is explained at teh bottom.

Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals

Gunter

Post 1: Very, very flutter-happy! Finally met Demon King after eighteen years of waiting. Had no idea he was so KAWAII! Was love at first sight. Am glad will be teaching him about our land and customs as will have him all to self mostly. CANNOT WAIT!

Current Mood: Fangirlish.

Comments: Feh! Don't know why you're so excited. The brat's an ignorant dumbass. And an ugly one to boot.

-Adelbert

Reply: AH! HOW DARE YOU INSULT HIS ROYAL ADORABLENESS-er, I mean Majesty-YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU RESMEMBLE A DEADBEAT PRO-WRESTLER WITH A SQUASHED PUMPKIN FACE!

-Gunter

Post 2: Horrified and in shock over recent tragedy. Was eating dinner peacefully with His Majesty for first time. Everything going smoothly except for Superior Majesty, Lady Celi, hitting on him. Tried best not to claw her eyes out. Settled for restraining her from suffocating His Highness in her gigantic coconuts. Thought that the only bad thing that could happen. Forgot about Little Lord Brat-coughGoldilockscough. Goldilocks insulted Demon King's mother. Demon King bitch-slapped Goldilocks across right cheek. Now Goldilocks and His Highness engaged. Am most miserable. Will go hang self now.

Current Mood: Suicidal

Comments: No! Don't kill yourself, Gunter! If you die, then I'm going to have to be taught by Gwendal! Don't leave me alone! THAT DUDE'S SCARY!

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Reply: MWAHA! OF COURSE I WILL NOT DESERT YOUR HIGHNESS IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED! I KNEW YOU CARED ABOUT ME! I LOVE YOU TOO!

-Gunter

Comments: YOU CHEATER OF A FIANCE, YOU! WE'RE NOT ENGAGED FOR EVEN 24 HOURS AND YOU'RE ALREADY FLIRTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE? I'M GOING TO FLAMBE YOU AT TOMORROW'S MATCH!

-Wolfram

Comments: YAH! WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM? THAT GUY NEEDS ANGER-MANAGEMENT CLASSES! Match? What match? There's a match? IS THAT THIS WORLD'S CODENAME FOR THE WEDDING CEREMONY? WAH! MOMMY, I WANNA GO HOME!

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Post 3: EXTREMELY EXCITED! Thought day would be horrible with match between Goldilocks and His Royal Cuteness. Even though Goldilocks blatantly effeminate, is quite good with sword. Thought he'd win match, so dressed up in cheerleader outfit that I heard about from His Majesty's world to hoist King's spirits. Put luscious lavender hair into two pigtails and borrowed two pom-poms from Gwendal's room. Was all prepared to cheer chant I made up: "HIGHNESS! HIGHNESS! HE'S SO CUTE! CUTER THAN THAT GIRLY COOT! BREAK HIS NOSE, STOMP HIS HAND! KNOCK GOLDILOCKS INTO THE SAND! GOOOOOOOOOOO, HIGHNESS!". Did not get chance to as His Majesty transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Kicked Goldilock's behind and entertained everyone with dazzling water dragon show. All in all, day off to nice start.

Current Mood: Flutter-happy again!

Comments: YOU DUNCE! DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT BECAUSE YUURI WON, IT MEANS WE'RE OFFICIALLY ENGAGED NOW? AND FLUTTER-HAPPY ISN'T A WORD!

-Wolfram

Comments: Those we're not pom-poms you borrowed. They are my two SHEEPDOG toys that I made when I was 80! NOW GIVE BUH-BUH AND MITZY BACK RIGHT NOW!

-Gwendal

Reply: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME:sob:

-Gunter

Post 4: Was moping about that His Highness wasn't here. Apparently whenever he comes into contact with water, he sometimes gets summoned back to his own world. Doesn't even have time to leave me a good-bye note! Am most miffed. Was taking stroll by baths when saw His Majesty had returned and being accosted by two voracious nymphs. Rescued him and discovered they were not nymphs but most certainly voracious. Now gorgeous, perfect hair in matted tangle. All the thanks I get for my noble sacrifice is His Highness being subtly stolen away by Conrart. SNEAKY, SNEAKY CONRART! CRUEL, TRICKSY LORD WELLER! HIS MAJESTY IS MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSS! (1)

Current Mood: Feel like biting into raw fish head for some reason…

Comments: Now, Gunter, you know I was only looking out for His Majesty's well-being. Don't go all Drama Queen.

-Conrad(aka Conrart, aka Lord Weller)

Reply: GO AWAY! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M IMMERSED IN MY SULKING/POUTING/BROODING MOOD! Makes me feel all giddy afterwards. Heeheehee! Or it could be, because I'm breathing the fumes of some potion I've made for no apparent reason. Mwahaha! GWENNIE! MY TURN TO HOLD THE KITTY!

-Gunter

Post 5: Am fidgety and bored. His Highness embarked out on mission to search for legendary Demon Sword, so have nothing to do. Sounded a little scared of the prospect, but determined all the same. SUCH WILL POWER! Conrart went along too. "To guard His Majesty" he said. HA! Only good thing about this whole affair is that Goldilocks snuck along with them and will not let Lord Weller attempt anything. Ho-hum. Boredom increasing. OOH! I KNOW! WILL CREATE SHRINE ABOUT HIS HIGHNESS SO I WILL NOT BE LONELY NEXT TIME HE GOES ON ANOTHER MISSION! HURRAY!

Current Mood: Flutter-happy!

Comments: none.

Reply: NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME:wails:

-Gunter

Comments: Or they are seriously freaked out.

-Annissina

Post 6: Went with Conrart and Goldilocks to fetch Demon King out of Tomb of Great One. Somehow he was summoned back to his world again without my knowing. Little Lord Brat being awfully secretive about incident. Suspects he has something to do with it.

When arrive, is in admiration of His Highness's outfit. Every time he returns to this world, has new fashion statement! Must get name of tailor to give him utmost gratitude for making His Majesty even more cute than possible. Goldilocks went into usual rant of Demon King's infidelity. Took opportunity to slyly wrap towel around His Highness's shoulders. Later, will take towel to Shrine of His Majesty to worship in secret when no one is looking. Met Ulrike. Discovered she's reason behind His Royal Cuteness disappearing suddenly. Will find way to sabotage her and evil plan and make look like Little Lord Brat's fault. Little midget kept hitting on His Highness. His Highness so naïve, did not realize. Interrupted her seductive spree to explain His Majesty had to "perform his studies" with me. LOL! I LOVE THAT PHRASE IN BOTH SENSES! X3!

Current Mood: Eager

Comments: I was NOT hitting on His Majesty! I was merely hero-worshiping him! There's a difference!

-Ulrike

Reply: I'll be the only one doing the worshiping here, you shrimp! AH! DO YOU HAVE A SHRINE TOO? THAT'S NOT FAIR! WELL, YOU'RE NEVER GET A HOLD OF THIS TOWEL! NEVER! GET YOUR OWN SAMPLES!

-Gunter

Comments: What shrine? What are you talking about? WHY WOULD I WANT SOME OLD TOWEL! Have you been smelling fumes from the potion you make for no reason at all again?

-Ulrike

Post 7: Am most irritated. Was quite eager to have His Highness "perform his studies" with me. Lord Weller felt the need to supervise the lesson for one reason or another. So was forced to give out boring lecture on territories of Demon Kingdom and neighboring lands. Not to be easily thwarted, tried to sneak up on His Majesty while he was in bath. Found out Conrart beat me to it again. DOESN'T HIS MAJESTY REALIZE THE MAN IS STALKING HIM? Had to pretend I came for some other reason than to offer backrub. Spouted off something about the Gem of the Dragon King being stolen. Wasn't so bad. Got to go down to castle's underground where I was ALONE with His Royal Cuteness IN THE DARK! MWAHA!

Except for Lord Stalker.

And Goldilocks.

And a multitude of soldiers.

ALRIGHT, WAS NOT ALONE! Did not even have chance to snatch few of His Highness's hairs to add to shrine. Instead, all received was Cursed Band of Celibacy which makes harsh screeching noises when in close proximity to His Majesty. Will not come off. Fear this will permanently damage social life and more attempts at objects for shrine.

And sleek, shiny hair.

Current Mood: DEPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESED.

Comments: Serves you right, Lord VonKrist. No one likes a perverted old guy trying to imitate Lucius Malfoy, chasing after them! (2)

-Wolfram

Reply: You think I'M the one chasing after His Royal Cute-er, His Majesty? Take a good look at your stalker brother! AND I AM NOT TRYING TO IMITATE LUCIUS MALFOY, GOLDILOCKS!

-Gunter

Comments: LORD WELLER IS NOT MY BROTHER! He's hitting on Yuuri? I KNEW THAT "MORNING EXERCISE ROUTINE" WAS A SCAM! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT LITTLE FLIRT! You are right by the way. Lucius Malfoy is too strong and cunning for your character. You are just like that prissy, pretty-boy elf, Legolas.

-Wolfram

Reply: I AM NOT LIKE LEGOLAS, YOU LITTLE-oh my, now that you mention it, I DO see the resemblance! But I'M the prettier one by far though!

-Gunter

Comments: Hey, guys? What's with all the typing?

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Reply: MY EARS! MY EARS! AH! MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! DAMN YOU, CURSED BAND OF CELIBACY! DAMN YOU!

-Gunter

Post 8: Have holed self up in Shrine of His Majesty with towel only item have managed to snatch. Current situation am in induced session of Sulking/Pouting/Brooding Mood. Did not help. Next tried fumes of potion which I make for no apparent reason. Also did not help. Only brought on half an hour of foggy idiotic happiness as attempted to view Cursed Band of Celibacy as hair accessory. Made kissy faces in mirror and sang favorite song, "I'm feel pretty! So, so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! And I pity any one who is not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" (3)

Learned that His Majesty snuck out of the castle with Lord Stalker and Goldilocks in "pursuit of the Gem of the Dragon King" while singing. Have always hated that song.

Current Mood: Irritated

Comments: Shrine of His Majesty? Is that what you were talking about earlier?

-Ulrike

Reply: GET OFF MY BLOG, THUMBELINA! (4) His Highness has already left to do who knows what with Conrart and Little Lord Brat, so there's no need to go poking your dwarven head about! AND I SAID NO SUCH THING ABOUT A SHRINE!

-Gunter

Comments: I have His Majesty's SWEAT.

-Ulrike

Reply: …What?

-Gunter

Comments: I said I have His Majesty's SWEAT. From when he was summoned at the Tomb of the Great One. Why did you think I kept holding his hand at every opportunity? I've got it in a vial…IN MY SHRINE! I've also got a piece of His Highness's clothes and a chicken leg WHERE HIS LIPS TOUCHED THE MEAT! CAN YOUR MEASLY TOWEL BEAT THAT, LEGOLAS, HUH, CAN IT?

-Ulrike

Reply: I KNEW YOU WERE SCHEMING SOMETHING! I KNEW IT! JUST WAIT AND SEE! AS SOON AS I AM FREE OF THIS CURSED BAND OF CELIBACY, I WILL HAVE MORE OBJECTS THAN YOU! MY SHRINE WILL OUTSTRIP YOURS BY FAR! As for now…how much do you want for that chicken leg?

-Gunter

Post 9: Am drowning in guilt. Did not know day would turn out like this, otherwise would have stayed in hidden shrine and sang another verse of my favorite/most hated song. Was captured by Anissina who said she could free me of Cursed Band of Celibacy's spell. Quite desperate so agreed. Was spun around on circular slab which was powered by Gwendal pedaling bike, to try and throw the Cursed Band of Celibacy off. Did not work. Am dispirited, but took secret delight in watching Gwennie's long silken pony-tail swish back and forth. Have insane urge to give it good hard yank for no reason. Anissina next tried to suck Cursed Band of Celibacy off with giant vacuum cleaner. Also did not work. Still happy because Gwennie quite actually cute when face all pink from exertion. Next, had hair washed with special shampoo that tried to make Cursed Band of Celibacy slip off. Also did not work, but very happy because Gwennie got to massage my temples with his strong hands. Finally, Anissina had Gwennie kiss me-or rather, the Cursed Band of Celibacy-as last resort.

It worked.

Should be happy.

Am EXTREMELY happy (but not because Cursed Band of Celibacy off).

Feel EXTREMELY guilty because have less desire to add to Shrine of His Majesty and more desire to start a Gwennie one.

Current Mood: ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

Comments: If you so much as even ATTEMPT at collecting my sweat, or strands of hair from my long silken pony-tail WHICH TOOK 200 YEARS TO GROW OUT, or steal any of my stuffed animals, or stalk me like His Highness, I WILL LOCK YOU AWAY IN MONASTERY! NO LOOKY, NO TALKY, NO TOUCHY! GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!
-Gwendal

Reply: I do hope His Majesty returns soon. Gwennie's playing hard to get is so very, very appealing. Maybe I should put Cursed Band of Celibacy back on…

-Gunter

A/N: LOL! First Kyou Kara Maou fic ever. I plan do all the main characters blogs. Please review and tell me fav parts!

(1)Mentionings of The Lord of the Rings and characters associated within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien. Here, Gunter is doing a parody of Gollum's usual way of speaking.

(2) Mentionings of Harry Potter and all characters associated within that universe belong to JK Rowling.

(3)The "I Feel Pretty" song Gunter sings is from West Side Story and is owned by Jerome Robbins and Arthur Lindsay.