Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Live Journals! ❯ Gwendal ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou, Tomo Takabayashi does.

Summary: Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate footnotes which are explained at bottom.

Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals

Gwendal

Post 1: Woke up from nice dream about cute fluffy puppies, balloons, and cotton candy. Day off to good start, but to make even better, took trip down outside castle to barracks to terrify and intimidate soldiers with Intense Silence And Grumpy Glare. Took vindictive pleasure watching them squirm, sweat, and confess to crimes did not even know about. Me and bad self having field day until Demon King showed up after eighteen years of waiting. Was worried he would be cutting in on my Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence I like to flaunt. Turns out Demon King a mere kid with no clue whatsoever and not scary in the slightest. Will have great time striking terror in heart of him.

No matter how very KAWAII he is.

Current Mood: Malicious

Comments: Hey! Why are you so dead set against me? I thought you would be nice! Conrad was telling me how when he was little, he scraped his knee and was crying, and you gave him you're favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Tickle-Giggles! Of course, you stole it back from him the next day, but still, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FRIGHTENING?

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Reply: I don't have the faintest idea of what you are talking about! As for now, look at your WebCam and be PETRIFIED with my Intense Silence And Grumpy Glare! MEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

-Gwendal

P.S. Conrart, remind me to kill you when I see you again.

Post 2: Had first dinner with kid posing as Demon King. Gave grunts as answers and hid evil grin as kid had near panic attack. Would have had fun with that all night if Little Brother Wolfram had not been so upset at losing his number one Hot Boy status to KAWAII kid from his Hot Boy Club that he thinks no one knows about. Little Brother insulted kid's mother. Kid bitch-slapped Little Brother across right cheek. Now both engaged. Wonderful, just what I need: IT, as my brother-in-law.

Will kill fake Demon King if IT attempts anything on Little Brother.

Or terrify him with Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence. HOO-HAH! MWAHAHA!

Current Mood: Vindictively Gleeful

Comments: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! GWEN-CHAN, YOU'RE SO CUTE BEING PROTECTIVE AND DELICIOUSLY EVIL! THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU! AH! I WANNA HUG YOU FOREVER!

-Kattea

Reply: Who are you? How did you get on this blog? This is restricted to members only! You are not on my list. Vile stalker, gaze at your WebCam and prepare to be scared out of your life by my INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE! TASTE THE POWER OF FEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Gwendal

Comments: LOL, Gwennie, THAT'S SO KYUUUTE! X3:pinches cheeks:DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! AH:has gigantic nosebleed:

-Kattea

Reply: I am logging off now. Need…knitting needles…need knitting needles and cute stuffed animals…NOW!

-Gwendal

Post 3: Went to match between fake Demon King and Little Brother after traumatic night of nightmares about stalker. Took comfort in cuddling Mr. Tickle-Giggles close to chest. And Buh-Buh and Mitzy. And numerous others. Was on lookout for any potential stalkers on way to match. Was temporarily paralyzed when thought I saw one. But no, only Gunter in strange outfit with hair in ponytails and two strangely familiar shaggy balls in hand. Puzzled musing cut short by IT ATTEMPTING on Little Brother by doing striptease. Was going to strut forward and enact bodily harm to IT, but was halted as Little Brother lost temper and called on his Fire Lion of Almighty Power element. Miscalculated target and would have toasted fangirl if had not cast shield on her. IT grew furious and transformed into Ultimate Demon King With Fetish For Justice. Guess IT is not a fake after all. IT also taught Little Brother lesson of keeping self-control in check. Will not stop me from giving IT threat not to ATTEMPT on Little Brother again.

On another note, Demon King's water dragon elements very KAWAII, so sparkly and pretty.

Current Mood: Protective

Comments: You don't have to smother me, Big Brother. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! Besides, who's to say I didn't WANT to be ATTEMPTED on!

-Wolfram

Comments: YAH! Don't listen to him, Gwendal! I took off my shirt because that's what you do in sumo wrestling! Well, actually, you take off a lot more, but I figured that'd be too much to handle here.

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Reply: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? It's bad enough you do a striptease in front of my innocent baby sibling, but you're saying THAT WAS BARELY THE TIP OF THE ICE-BERG? DEMON KING OR NO, NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU WILL LEARN THE APPROPIATE MANNER OF CONDUCT TOWARDS YOUR FIANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE!

-Gwendal

Comments: I wasn't ATTEMPTING, I swear! M-M-MARRIAGE? But the slap thing was a fluke! A FLUKE, I SAY! Oh please, someone kill me now:sob:

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)

Comments: Big Brother, did you notice how Lord vonKrist's pom-poms resemble SHEEPDOGS?

-Wolfram

Reply: They did seem somewhat fam-:gasp:GUUUUUUUUUUUNTEEEEEEEEEEER! HOW DARE YOU KIDNAP BUH-BUH AND MITZY! I am logging off to rescue my friends, Your Majesty: sarcasm, sarcasm:but I WILL be having our promised lecture together!

-Gwendal

Comments: Hey, Wimp, do you have a WebCam?

-Wolfram

Comments: sniffle:Yeah…

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka apparently Wimp now)

Comments: Show me some more of "sumo wrestling".

-Wolfram

Post 4: Buh-Buh and Mitzy safely back in my room. Gunter pouting because he was not able to give Demon King special cheer he made up. Told him to not ATTEMPT on IT. Is Little Brother's fiance after all, no matter how much I loath. Pouting only increased as well as wails of denial as man dashed into garden to have pity-party. Had to have break from chaotic castle, so took vacation with Lord Weller to territory where humans were rioting. Was about to vent my stress level out on them when Demon King arrives with Little Brother in tow. Suspect IT encouraged younger sibling to elope. Obviously, last threat did not work. IT played cool acting like not caught in illegal act and covering up with some rubbish about "his duty as Demon King to protect everyone including humans, blah, blah, blah". Could not help small feeling of satisfaction when IT nearly abducted by human who's ears were probably hurting with the long, dismal speech too. IT thrown off horse, so got to show off my smooth, stunning gracefulness to audience by catching IT in arms. Don't know why as cheeky brat spoiled my vacation.

Current Mood: Irritated

Comments: O.K, I know Wolfram's going to log in here any second and start on his usual rant of "you cheater" bit, but I have to set the record straight: I WAS NOT ELOPING! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU PEOPLE THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN GETTING MARRIED?

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Winp)

Reply: You DARE toy with my little brother's affections?You would lead him on a false trail of hope, indulge your own selfish pleasure, and leave him the utmost disgrace and sinfulness? YOU WILL MARRY HIM IF I SAY YOU WILL, COWARDLY WORM! OR I WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND FOR ALL ETERNITY AND FRIGHTEN YOU WITH MY INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE NOT TO MENTION MY MYSTERIOUSLY SCARY-FEAR ME NOW PRESENCE!

-Gwendal

Comments: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YES, SIR! OF COURSE, SIR! Gawd, my life sucks(T-T)!

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)

Post 5: Taking advantage of Demon King's absence to finally relax. IT apparently summoned to own world when in contact with water. Had great time back at own castle having tea party with stuffed animals. Learned that Mr. Tickle-Giggles does not get along with Sweetie Petey, a yellow canary. He says Sweetie Petey's singing annoys him when he's trying to take a nap, which is often. Promised to shelf him with Mrs. Hop-Happy a one-eared rabbit he has major crush on. Learned Mrs. Hop-Happy still holds grudge against me for lending her to Wolfram when small. How was I to know Little Brother violent pyro-maniac with fetish for destroying things. Tried to apologize for thousandth time but Mrs. Hop-Happy says will not forgive me until I knit her dress to marry Mr. Tickle-Giggles. Mr. Tickle-Giggles, once had found out her story, resolved to be angry at me also until I teach him to tango so he can dance with Mrs. Hop-Happy at their wedding. Sweety Petey also mad at me for replacing Mr. Tickle-Giggles with Hairball, a very KAWAII orange-striped kitty as his new shelf-mate.

Honestly, can't please everyone at once.

Current Mood: Exasperated

Comments: OMG! GWEN-CHAN, U R SO HAWT HAVING A TEA PARTY WITH STUFFED ANIMALS! Marry me and I will don a dress for Mrs. Hop-Happy and dozens more for her and Mr. Tickle-Giggles's children! NOT TO MENTION OUR OWN! MWEE! X3!

-Chizz-muffinChik

Reply: Now see here, Stalker #2, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND ASSUMING PEOPLE WILL MARRY YOU! I mean, marriage is a sacred thing and should only be acted upon with the full consent of both parties!

-Gwendal

Comments: Hey, Mr. Mysteriously-Scary-Fear Me Now, how about running that last statement by me again while you're at it?

-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)

Reply: You are either the most stubborn-headed IT that has ever graced my presence or you are incredibly naïve and stupid. DO I HAVE TO STAND BEHIND YOU AT THE ALTAR AND FORCE YOUR MOUTH TO TIE THE BOND? My little brother's happiness is at stake and YOU WILL NOT DENY HIM HIS MOST HEARTFELT DESIRE!

-Gwendal

Comments: MWAH! GWEN-CHAN! I have an UBER great idea! Let's make the wedding a DOUBLE! Yuuri-shnookums and Wolfy-baby, and YOU AND ME! You can make Mr. Tickle-Giggles your best man!

-Chiz-muffinChik

Comments: I say, YOU THERE! STAY AWAY FROM MY GWENNIE! He has IMPORTANT things to do besides converse with stalkers like you, such as brushing out his long silken ponytail. SO BEGONE, OR I WILL HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN TO SLAP YOU SILLY!

-Gunter

Comments: Oh PUH-LEAZE, Legolas! I can whup yo' tail anytime!

-Chiz-muffinChik

Reply: I will…just go now…:sweatdrop:

-Gwendal

Post 6: Thinks perhaps life getting more complicated every day. First have become target for multitude of stalkers plus Gunter. Then Demon King summoned back to world and makes himself cozily at home in MY castle, in MY office, in MY chair! If not bad enough, IT had audacity to put blame on me for unstable situation in land. Apparently, I am "a cruel, deaf dictator". Made me most irritable. Was in process of storming off to knit when slammed into Anissina. Had heart-stopping moment of overwhelming fear as Anissina the one person who is not affected by my Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare and whom my Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence mysteriously disappears around. Was lucky though, as she had Gunter help assist her with Experiments Of DOOM! As usual, did not work.

On side note, IT off on quest for legendary Demon Sword with Conrart and Little Brother along. Sent Yozak after to tail and break them out of trouble if encounter any. Also to make sure IT does not ATTEMPT anything. I know his blatant denials are all a ruse. And Conrart too trusting of Demon King's false pretense to realize IT is plotting sly, sinister scheme. Probably will allow Little Brother and IT to sleep in same room and bed and think nothing of brainless act.

By the Great One, IT is causing more wrinkles than necessary on face. Not good. Cannot fully intimidate anyone with Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare if face sagging like elephant's behind.

Current Mood: Concerned

Comments: NEVER YOU FEAR, GWENDAL! I HAVE JUST THE RIGHT INVENTION TO MAKE YOUR FACE THE WORST NIGHTMARE OF PEOPLE'S DREAMS!

-Anissina

Reply: sweatdrop:As…tempting as that may be…:sweatdrop:I think the best course of action is rest and relaxation:sweatdrop:MR. TICKLE-GIGGLES, HELP!

-Gwendal

oPtS 7: Haaiiiiiil, Meedal Urth:hic:Me and chum, Laggy Leggy back from kwest to distwoy pretty shiny gold…ah…thingymajig:hic: Sittin' back naow near base of big firey hill, chillin' and sipping the good stuff, knooooow wot I meeean? Also petting kitty Hairball who has come alive:claps:KNITTING DOES MAJICCCCCCK! YEAH! Shhhhhh! Doan't tell evwrywun! Ooh! Gotta go! Leg-whats-his-face says time for us to dance around big fiery hill and katurwall! Oh look, naow there's twooooo Leggies! HAHAHAHA!(1)

UrCnten OdMo: Seein' pink elephants and dragons. Nuff said, yo!

Comments: Sing, Eragon! Sing! WAHAHAHAHA! (2)

-Gunter (aka Legolas, aka Laggy Leggy)

YlEpR: LOL! The name's Aragorn, dude! I ain't got no blue flying lizard named Saphira!

-NweDnLag(aka Aragorn, aka Eragon)

Comments: Laggy Leggy says sorry! But sing anyway, SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

-Gunter(aka Legolas, aka Laggy Leggy)

Plyre: Today I brew! Tomorrow I'll bake, and then the annoying-IT-Demon-King's-first-born-I'll-train-to-never-grow-up-like-his-un fortunate-half-human-father! Yo ho ho, I am Captain Jack Sparrow! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVY? (3)

-LanWEgD(aka Aragorn, aka Eragon, aka Captain Jack Sparrow, aka Gwennie)

Comments: Gwendal! What have I warned you about smelling the fumes of that potion Gunter makes for no apparent reason? Acting like children, really…CAN I BE GALADRIEL? OOH! OR ANAMARIA?

-Anissina

Post 8: Have holed up in office to hide after past day's utterly embarrassing happenings. Woke up with MASSIVE hangover. Also with me and Gunter dressed in maid outfits and Anissina in shiny black outfit with whip. Do not even want to KNOW. Tried to delete past post, but was blocked somehow. Alert with "Almighty Author denies you the luxury of comfort" pops up. Think perhaps is virus. Was currently knitting frantically to try and dull out memory when Gunter skips inside with basket of strawberries like Little Red Riding Hood (4). Am AGHAST! Secret knitting obsession-er, hobby-now in open. If not bad enough, Gunter insulted Mr. Tickle-Giggles by calling him pig! I mean, sure, he eats a lot, but NO ONE should be called a glutton!

Current Mood: Sulking

Comments: Hey, Gwendal, I just want you to know that Hairball the kitty is MINE and I want him back! To make sure you yield to my demands, look towards the shelf and notice that the pig-er-bear is gone. Yes, I have BEAR-NAPPED him! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! However, I will give him back when Hairball is returned to me. Also…I WANNA LOCK OF YOUR LONG SILKEN PONYTAIL! OMG! I WANNA HOLD AND STROKE IT, AND KEEP IT UNDER MY PILLOW AT NIGHT! AUGH! MAIL IT NOW! MAIL IT NOW!

-JenFur(aka Stalker #3)

Reply: Ah! MR. TICKLE-GIGGLES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAH! GIVE HIM BACK! HE'S NOT YOURS! AND NEITHER IS POOR HAIRBALL! PLEASE, THINK OF THE SUFFERING YOUR CAUSING! HE HAS A WIFE AND THREE LITTLE BABBITS ON THE WAY! Or three little rears. Can not decide--;;.

-Gwendal

Post 9: Made deal with Stalker #3. Mailed her lock of hair from long, silken ponytail like requested and then pleaded with her more to keep defenseless Hairball from tragedy. Then had to mail two more locks of hair to Stalkers #1 & #2 at their whining of "unfair!". If this rate keeps up, will be bald before long. Have to get lawyer in future. Can not right now, as IT has returned back from quest with Demon Sword. Asked Conrart if IT had ATTEMPTED anything. Lord Weller smiled irritatingly and said should be asking Little Brother as he's the one who always ATTEMPTS. LIES! ALL LIES! Little Brother still needs night light and Mother to sing him "You're So Vain!" to go to sleep. Is still child. Obviously Conrart under enchantment of IT and sinister plan. Will have to take drastic measures not to be reeled in.

On another note, will have to discover identity of black-clothed people scampering gaily around palace who are obscenely dismal at keeping low profile. Honestly, they think I don't notice them. It's almost as if they WANT me to see them…

GASP!

IT'S THOSE PSYCHO STALKERS IN DISGUISE OUT FOR MORE OF MY STUFFED ANIMALS AND LOCKS OF MY LONG SILKEN PONYTAIL!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KEEP THEM AWAY! MY HAIR! MY ANIMALS! MY LIFE!

Current Mood: Terrified

Comments: Um…actually, we are just poor, pathetic incompetent flippant buffoons masquerading as ninja-wannnbes sent by your egotistical, covetous, callous ignoramus of an uncle to kidnap naïve, unsuspecting puerile Demon King.

-Dudes In Black(aka The Wannabe Ninjas)

P.S. Somehow our group name makes us want to see Will Smith and Tommy Lee in an alien movie! LOL! (5)

Reply: Oh…right. I knew who you guys were the whole time! I was just testing to see how honest you were so I could lessen the penalty a little. I see by your confession you have met Little Brother. Anyway, is time to enact Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence which has been long overdue. Gaze at your WebCams and COWER before my INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Gwendal

Comments: Um...why are you wearing a three-corned hat and have a stuffed parrot on your shoulder when you are wearing patent leather shoes with lace socks?

-Dudes In Black(aka Wannabe Ninjas)

Reply: AH! THAT'S WHY MY GUARDS WERE LAUGHING AND GUNTER WAS NOSEBLEEDING! I WILL DESTROY THAT ABYSSMAL POTION HE MAKES FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

-Gwendal

Post 10: Think perhaps bad-self reputation sliding. People no longer dashing into hiding at mere sight of me. Even IT is less frightened than I like. Was all set to buff up performance when IT left with Conrart and Little Brother to discover Gem of the Dragon Crown theft, when pulled aside by Anissina to "please help assist her" with her Experiments Of DOOM! Translation: "Bow at my every whim and command or I will make being turned into mince meat a pleasurable experience compared to what I have in store for you!" Turns out Gunter was object of Experiments Of DOOM! Man seems to have gotten Cursed Band of Celibacy stuck on head. Would have been chuckling gleefully if not had been so exhausted using arm and leg strength to try and get Cursed Band of Celibacy off. Was not only irritated at stubborn object but also at Gunter's expression at me of adoring worship usually reserved for IT. Was quite fed up and ready to leave when shoved face-first into Gunter whereupon lips crushed Cursed Band of Celibacy, thank goodness. Cursed Band of Celibacy off, but now have bigger problem as suspect Stalker list has grown.

Current Mood: Stressed

Comments: Gwennie, let's drink some more of that potion I make for no apparent reason! I have another good scenario we could act out! Ahem: Gwennie-sama, Gwennie-sama, be where art thou, Gwennie-sama?

-Gunter

Reply: I could use some more of that potion…TO FOREGT MY WRETCHED LIFE'S TROUBLES AND YOU!

-Gwendal

A/N: Soooo sorry it took this long to get out! Gwendal was VERY stubborn. But as you can see, I made him pay! HEHEHE! Hope I got all the stalkers in, and I had to edit your comments to fit the scene. OK, next is Conrad, so fangirls applying for stalker roles, REVIEW AND COMMENT! Lol, he's gonna be tough. He's not even funny when HE jokes, but hey, I AM THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR! My existence is to amuse audiences and make the borrowed characters lives hell! MWAHAHAHA! OK, REVIEW AND TELL FAV PARTS PLEASE!

(1) Mentionings of Lord of the Rings and associated characters within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien.

(2) Mentionings of The Inheritance Trilogy (aka Eragon) and associated characters within that universe are owned by Christopher Paolini.

(3)Mentionings of the Pirates of the Carribbean and associated characters within that universe are owned by Walt Disney and all other respected owners.

(4)Little Red Riding Hood belongs to all respected owners, but not me.

(5)By mentioning of Tommy Lee and Will Smith and their alien movie, I am talking about Men In Black, its sequel and it is owned by Columbia Tristar and all other respective groups.