Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Legend of Link: Lucky Number 13 ❯ Understand ( Chapter 30 )

Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda or the cast. They're all property of Nintendo. I just own the perverted mind and ideas to do this to them. As always, if you don't like long drawn out fan fics stop reading now because it only gets longer.

Story Info: This will be mainly told through Link's point of view. For you Zelda heads out there, I'll say this; he doesn't get her in this one. So, if that news disturbs you stop reading. The following also contains large quantities of angst and a couple, if not a few characters will be of my own making. Without any further interruptions, I present to you, The Legend of Link: Lucky Number 13.

Chapter Thirty

Okay, forget about tomorrow. I have more shit to go through tonight it seems.

"Then what do you suggest?" I ask, as my patience is wearing thin. They all stare at me, venomous looks on every face, and a desire for revenge in each of their hearts. "Enough people have died today, can't you live and let that do?"

"No!" They shout, still standing arm to arm opposite us. Sepaaru took Link to bed, as I forgot that she didn't have any confirmation of his living. But as for me, I'm not surprised. They were slaughtered, and that just isn't something that you let go. Well, unless you're me anyway. Then you get up and kill what killed you, then go get something to drink. Of course, I'm not exactly your typical Hylian when it comes to such things.

"Fine, let's kill the Sheikah!" I say it dully, over exaggerating my hands in grand gesture. "Right? Look at you, most of you have never killed more than an insect. Now, you're ready to kill actual people?"

The group consensus begins to doubt itself, as Nabooru steps up to speak next.

"There's a difference, a big difference that many of you aren't aware of," she tells them.

"That's easy for you to say, you've never lost your life!" someone shouts from the left end of the line. Tiki-one of the nine freed from Twinrova's spell. Those who were here that day suddenly quiet down, as Nabooru walks toward the woman in question.

"I've lost both my child's and my own," Nabooru nearly snarls between clenched teeth, trying to keep her anger in check. "I roll over every morning and see a part of the monster that killed us. For a while afterwards, I would awaken and think that he was that monster. And you think that's easy?"

I don't say anything, as I've been aware of such for a while. Tiki tries to look elsewhere, until Nabooru forcibly grabs her lower jaw, pulling her face to hers, and locks eyes.

"Nothing about that is easy. You're alive, what more do you want? Oh, that's right," she answers for the warrior. "You want revenge. Never mind that he could've left you all for the buzzards." Nabooru's flippant tone grows more serious, a low forcefulness in her next words. "I don't expect you to treat this as though it never happened. I expect you to act your ages and see reason. Your deaths were quick. The things he did to those Sheikah-the things he's probably doing to that mage as we speak-can't be matched by any of you. Your vengeance has been had. In your names and his son's, men and women were tortured and killed. And as with you, their lives were restored. Now, if that isn't enough, get the hell out."

She moves aside, extending her hand toward the bridge to those who may leave can feel welcomed to do so, I guess. I move to the far right of the line, wondering if anyone will leave. There are a few whispers, most of which, I don't listen to, as they try to make up their minds. I find it a little disheartening it would take this long to reach a decision, so I walk away from the crowd. I might as well take one of those naps of mine anyway. Before that though, you wanted to hear the results of my tale involving Sepaaru, right? Okay then.

I left off where she'd just found out about the pregnancy a couple of months after our rendezvous. Before then, though, things between us hadn't become too different. Nabooru had started letting the nitpicking of that bunch of Sermonian idiots get to her. Things about her crown not being worthy of escorting or being protected. So, instead of shrugging it off, she chooses Sepaaru and Varia. Great, now, she's officially licensed to follow us around. Surprisingly, even this close proximity didn't make for many awkward situations. The only weirdness that manifested was on a detour I made in Hyrule Castle. I decided to pay a trip to the library for old time sakes, when I noticed the paintings. I should say, I remembered them.

If you remember, I used to have a knack for drawing. I did a lot of drawing in my earlier years between quests, which I never told anyone about. Zelda discovered a sketchpad of mine, and well, it was something we had in common besides Ganondorf and the Triforce. We began to draw each other, then Impa introduced us to paint, and the progression of two teenaged artists started. It was all that she could do to ensure that we didn't have sex, and it worked.

In the library that I had spent many a day in, reading every book available to be better 'educated' for Zelda, there were our paintings. You could easily tell which I had painted, as they always contained an interpretation of Zelda. Her paintings, on much the same obsessive note, were all of me. However, they were all of "Battle Link." In each picture, I was depicted in battle. Some had me as fighting Ganondorf, others had me against dragons, and the funniest was dubbed, "Link versus the Leg of Lamb." I had to laugh at it, as it was one of the earliest pieces done, and my eyes had this gigantic circulator look about them.

As I walked around the large room, I found the last painting by either of us. We'd worked on it together, which was a first. We drew the other in our idealistic way. I was there in all of my typical green, blonde hair hanging around my eyes, and in full battle gear. Zelda was there in a dress covered in those red and white Hylian Roses, blonde hair slightly blowing in the starry-night wind. I was so caught up in the nostalgia that I didn't hear the doors open.

"Interesting picture, Hero." I jumped, startled by Nabooru's voice as she appeared from around the far end of the bookcase. The picture was of the ex and me in a kiss, by the way.

"Very interesting," Sepaaru said, appearing from around the end of the bookshelf closest to me. "Who painted it?"

"The two people within it," a new voice, a familiar voice, answered. The sound of the shoes would always be within my mind, which is why Zelda's arrival didn't surprise me. No, it more like defined that this was my personal hell and a reminder that I'd slept with everyone in the room. "Well, I see you found him rotting away in this library again. I'll let you all be." She turned and disappeared around the case and quickly headed for the door.

"Why didn't you throw these away?" I asked, listening as she sighed deeply.

"We broke up, Link. That doesn't mean I want to pretend that we never happened," she said softly. "I like our memories, and I'm in no hurry to forget them. Plus, we put too much time into these things to just throw them all away."

Zelda gave a reminiscent laugh, as she mumbled an apology. A moment later the large door shut behind her.

"I never knew you could paint," Nabooru says, walking towards the large canvas and admiring it closely.

"Didn't seem worth mentioning," I dipped my head toward the giant picture. "I haven't touched a brush since this one was finished."

"Why not?" Sepaaru asks, as Nabooru concurs with the question. I shoot her a look, a 'Thanks a lot' one before I answer it anyway.

"Bad memories," I reply, walking away from the table to get out of there.

Insert an argument with Nabooru on why I never painted her, me sticking to my guns about not being in a painting mood, and the day was complete with a silent treatment. Well, it was complete until Sepaaru started getting sick on the way home, again. She'd gotten queasy on the way there but contributed that to the heat. "As a matter of fact," I thought. "She's seemed to get sick a lot nowadays." Back then, I dismissed it for what Sepaaru diagnosed it as. Now that I think about that, I realize that I'm an idiot or I can really tie the blindfold on tight to ignore reality. A Gerudo getting sick from the heat in Hyrule Field? That's like a Zora that's allergic to water. On the way across the bridge, Sepaaru just vomited over the edge and collapsed. I caught the smirk from Varia, but I still didn't connect the dots.

"I'm fine," she protested, as we moved to help her up. Insert a second helping of the vomit stuff, and we put her to bed immediately. I did my magic thing to help her, but surprisingly, the sickness came back… every morning. Uh, oh. I started getting suspicious of the other side after another two months worth of this 'illness'. That's when I came in one day and found Nabooru staring out of a sleeping Sepaaru's window. Her mood was visually conflicting-happy yet disappointed. Mad, though oddly, not fully committed to the emotion.

"You son of a bitch," Nabooru swore at me with a little laugh, still staring at the setting sun. Before I could get the 'what' on my lips, she added, "The girl's pregnant!"

Imagine an arrow that's flying right at your head. It's traveling fast, but you see it as going slow. This slow movement fools you into thinking the impact will be painless, but it turns out that your vision is just shot and it impales your brain-that was one of those moments. Nabooru turned on her heel, keeping her voice low for the sleeping woman in front of me. Suddenly, she's telling me that it's my fault. My fault that I obeyed their stupid little tradition and forgot to pull out. It was my fault. I allowed myself to lose control and give into those urges too freely. I went back into the outhouse, so to speak, as Nabooru couldn't bring herself to speak more than a few words to me for weeks afterward.

"I'm sorry," Sepaaru whispered, as Nabooru slammed the door shut behind her. I was standing at the foot of her bed, searching desperately for the right words to say. Of course, by right words I mean that I said the most crude of things in the most tactless way.

"It's not a problem. I can reverse this…" I paused, as Sepaaru sat straight up. "What?"

"No," she said defensively. "I'm not letting you take him from me!"

Naturally, such simple terminology is wasted on me. Honestly, how could she not obey me? This was, after all, her life as well mine this child was impeding on. Heh, sadly, I can't seem to get the whole picture without being bludgeoned upside the head. So, as I'm standing there arguing about Nabooru never speaking to me about this, something clicks. It dawns on me that Sepaaru isn't afraid of how I'll get rid of the baby, or that she's afraid to let me do so. Then I realized this wasn't all about just me and my life. No, this was Sepaaru's life and child, too.

"You actually want this thing?" Asshole, yeah, I know. It was just so stunning to piece something together without relying on spare emotions from the opposite party until I was overwhelmed.

"Yes, I want this child," Sepaaru said, as her tension eased. "Like I said before, I won't complicate your life. I'll tell him that his father was lost in battle or something, since you don't want him." That sounded so accusatory, yet non-accusing.

"Since you don't want him," I repeated. How cold and unfeeling did that sound? I helped make this child yet I don't want him? No, I didn't want to make this child. But now that he was actually there, of course I'd want him.

At the time, I took a seat at the foot of the bed to compose myself. This wasn't right and I knew it. I also knew that this wasn't all about me anymore. Sure, it was Nabooru's fault. And yes, it was my fault and Sepaaru's for asking such a thing of me. But Sepaaru did have some say in this. Beyond her say, though, I wondered what mine would be. Did I deny this son as my own? Did I expel her to pretend that it never happened? Or did I do what I always touted as best, and face the consequences of my actions and deal with them accordingly? I knew before I looked back at her what I'd do. So, as I unclasped my hands from in front of my face, I sighed.

"You're going on the inactive list," I told her, as she rose to complain. "Look, I'm not letting our son get shook up while his mother plays soldier."

Sepaaru recoiled as if hit when I called her child ours.

"I… I can keep him?" she asked, almost with a childish pleading in her eyes despite her earlier aggression. I nodded before Sepaaru kicked off the covers to hug me. That's a beautiful moment, right? Well, consider this. In the back of my mind, the only thing I could see was that I was becoming blood-related to Ganondorf.

"Come on, Link. He's been dead for years, so this means nothing." Heh, you try convincing yourself of that when you walk the same halls and live with the same people that he did.

"How do you know it's a him?" I finally asked, realizing that she'd been gender specific in referring to the fetus the whole time.

"Old Gerudo saying," Sepaaru says, easing down into the bed. She spoke something in ancient Gerudo-tongue, which I was still deciphering when she just told me what it meant. "It means: 'The Gerudo who loses her virginity twice in one night shall be blessed with the brightest star in the morning sky.'"

Sepaaru pointed at her window, as the sun peaked between the curtains, and I got it. I had a million (two) questions but I let them go and smiled. What about the one male every century thing? Swallow this bit of time manipulating information: Ganondorf, at the time, was about a hundred and four when Sepaaru was conceived. The Gerudo life span, much like everything in Hyrule, goes on in excess of centuries. So, he was pushing seventy plus years during the time of Nabooru's mother, and only got that haggardly look from the stress of the Triforce of Power. No, the green was natural, remember? I mean the grizzly, old appearance. Odd what I think to do when I want a question answered, huh?

In any case, the next five months seemed to fly by without fail. Finally, the day of reckoning was here. I was confident that I could make it through this child's birth, and I did… barely. I'd decided earlier that I wouldn't intrude in however Sepaaru saw fit to raise the boy. Which I now realize must've seemed like I was shunning him from the beginning. So, here I am at the birth of my second child-a child out of wedlock, a child that's a combination of the hero and the villain, and a child who was beautiful. He looked exactly like me. Well, he was bald and inherited Sepaaru's skin tone, but you know what I'm saying. And in much the same way as Zelda-azure colored eyes and all-he opened his eyes and just stared at me. For the first few hours, I simply marveled at him. I actually made plans to spend time with him and thought it was great. Sepaaru chose his name, which I'll admit to being happy about.

Of course, I forgot about one thing: Zelda. No one had explained to her the circumstances and what have you. To her, a new brother coming was a big thing. But wait a second, why is big sister delivering the little brother instead of mommy? Don't ask Link, because I'll mumble around it, and try to bribe you with attention. Then when the little brother is here, I'll be an even better dad and just pretend that you don't have a brother by spending absorbent amounts of time with you! Wow! How do you go wrong with this type of reasoning?

I sigh to myself in the present, remembering the way I avoided so many of Zelda's questions about her new brother and why her 'sister' was delivering him. There are some things she's still confused about, but now that she's older, I think it's safe to say that daddy is living a bit foul. Our relationship never fully recovered from his birth, which furthers the bittersweet feeling in my heart. A healthy son on one side and a slightly bitter daughter on the other leaves me stuck in the middle. And the funny things is that no matter how much I wish that he was never conceived, I don't.

I know she's at Malon's with Talon, talking about me no less, and I can't say that I don't deserve it. I should've said no and let the morals win, but deep down, didn't I just do what most people in my situation would? I used to think I did, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I try so hard to please everybody, but in the end, I only wound up hurting them. A little part of me wishes to just twist reality into my perfect conception and make my kids understand me without question.

Zelda would understand that Sepaaru wasn't of blood relation, but a troubled child that was welcomed into the family… to be later fucked by her father figure. No, she'd understand that I was never Sepaaru's father figure. I killed her real father because he was a madman who'd enslaved me to a golden triangulate that contained a third of my birthright and slowly stole my innocence and his life. Zelda would know that I'm not going to abandon Nabooru in place of her once sister's bed.

Then there's the boy.

Link would understand that I do care for his mother and despite how it looks, I do love him as much as I love his sister. He would understand that I was so caught up in the perverse moment with his mother that I spawned half of him with her, when I initially wanted to spawn nothing. "No strings," I said. Heh, I made a fucking knot. A knot that asks me, "Why won't I take him beyond the brownstone some times?" A knot that asks his mother at night, "Why doesn't daddy love us? Why doesn't he ever sleep with you some times?" And a knot that hears, "That's just the way it has to be."

Five years ago, I didn't even have the common sense to foresee something like this. Back then, I was just a selfish old man trying to futilely hold onto my happiness, scrapping by on the bare bones of parenting a bastard son. Nabooru and Sepaaru had quit the friendly mother-daughter thing, which was replaced by silence and little acknowledgement beyond looks that put me in the middle. No, Sepaaru never stooped as low as to use Link as a bargaining chip. But still, there were those looks of stunned disbelief when I flat out distanced myself from him, a crying baby, to ease the tension with Zelda and Nabooru.

What's that? I'm an asshole? Well, I'm inclined to agree with that notion. But wait, I'm about to smell like an unwashed toilet now.

The neglect, dodging, and all-around, "You're the bastard son and as so, you leave when my real family shows up" attitude continued for the duration of his young life. It's even to the point that he excuses himself out of the room or area when Zelda shows up. God, how did I let it get this bad? I'm a fucking moron? One word: Duh. One of the people I avoided him for actually has a better relationship with him than I do. What in the hell is that about? Auntie Nabooru, he calls her. Did I tell you what his first word was? "NA-BOO-WOO!"

He was about a year old then, and Nabooru and Sepaaru had fallen back into grace. They mainly worked in tandem to raise him, which all of the women seemed to do. I don't know, call it a hive mind or something. But at times, I got the distinct impression they were all chipping in to pick up the slack I'd left. So, after all of this, does Link finally realize that he can show an inkling of emotion to his son when other people are present? One word: Barely. Little by little, I began to embrace him as my child. The only obstacles being Zelda's persistent questions: "How come you and mommy didn't have him?" Or "Why did Sepaaru have him?" And "What kinda sick fuck are you?" Okay, the last one is purely asked of self-spite.

Slowly the hostility in my home returned to a manageable level. My wife spoke to me. The mother of my second kid continued her quest to be more tolerant of my lame parenting than I thought possible. And my son didn't harbor any major hatred towards me. Of course, Sepaaru's storytelling (read: propaganda about me) helped. When he turned five, I had intended to apologize for my shortcomings, but he wouldn't hear it. Instead, I heard tales of me being a busy man and off fighting monsters to save the world. Imagine that. I'm not really a guy who's embarrassed, nervous about being dumped again, and just a shitty parent. No, I was saving the world when I told you that you couldn't come to town with me.

Excuse me, I have to take a moment to not spawn a double and kick my own ass for that.

My children are smart-even at young ages they possessed the ability to acquire knowledge rapidly. This makes this situation that more depressing for me. He knows that there were no monsters to fight-or he at least has a feeling there weren't. Link's purposely allowing himself to be patronized for the sake of my feelings. To him, if I believe that he thinks that I was saving the world, I'll still hang around him and not get depressed about him being my son. Thus, he allows me to walk around in my supposedly guilt-free state of mind to prevent the guilt, which we know is the reason I dismissed him so often. You know that he even trains with Sepaaru and the rest. Link actually thinks that if he learns to fight that I'll like him more.

"Ass," I mutter to my reflection on the moonlit lake. "So, how does it feel to screw up both of your kids' lives?"

Naturally, my reflection is as stupid as I am, so it doesn't answer me.

"Fine, I don't like talking to me, either," I tell it. "He didn't ask to be born, but I still added that Poison Touch to his life."

Of course, calling one's self names never helped anything. Sure, I could let you do it for me, but it isn't the same. At least with him the stupidity is fully captured. You know what? That's it-tomorrow I will introduce him to every person I know. I showed Zelda to anybody who'd stop long enough to see her when she was a baby. Now, it's time for them to meet my other half. I'm proud of him-and that's all that matters. It's a damn shame that it took his death for me to fully realize that. My son with my blood flowing through his veins, and I actually have the balls to be ashamed of him? No matter how he was conceived or with whom, he's a part of me and I shouldn't deny that. And another thing…

"Any reason in particular that you're standing knee-deep in the water?" I casually turn to look over my shoulder. Nabooru-the source of my problems and my solutions-invites herself into the cold water beside me. "What are we looking at, hmm?"

"Come on," I say, trying to pull her out of the water, because I know she can feel the cold.

"Don't dodge the question, Link." Great, she's using the name. "You aren't letting what they said bother you, are you?"

I sigh, feeling the urge to spill my guts and residual anger creeping up.

"No, I'm bothered enough by myself. As much as I wished that incident Sepaaru never happened or I pretended that it didn't, I don't. But if I don't, why have I treated him like I did? Am I that big of an idiot that I can't realize people mean anything to me until I've hurt them? Or am I that afraid of being alone until I refuse to acknowledge anything (seriously) that may jeopardize losing what I have already?" Another sigh escapes me, as I see Nabooru shiver slightly. I quickly slide my arms under hers and lift, complete with a startled squeak from my Gerudo Queen. "Well?"

Nabooru gives me that smile, but rolls her eyes to keep up the act. "If you were in jeopardy of losing me, I wouldn't have voluntarily asked you to do it in the first place. If you were in jeopardy of losing me, I wouldn't be Auntie Nabooru, now would I?"

"Good points," I admit, failing to hold back my smile as she wraps her legs around me. "What about my daughter, though? Zelda seems about as fond of me as she does cabbage. And we both know the response cabbage gets." I move my hands to her back as her arms cross behind my back.

"The 'eeew,' you mean," Nabooru says, mimicking our daughter. "Relax, Hero. We'll just have to explain that her dad was turned into a pervert by her boyfriend's mom and gets a tad overexcited watching his lovers get off."

"Hey…" I am, but god, how does she know? "You… noticed that?"

"I'm your wife, of course I know about that and the other thing." She places her lips next to my ear and makes that whimper… okay. Breathe, this is just a… god. One fish, two fish, three fish… isn't working! Nabooru moves her face back, and I'm sure that I'm beet-red and hard. Uh, damn poor choice of words. "Never fails, Hero."

"Oh… and what about you?" Nabooru puts on the face of mock innocence, something I also fall hard for. "You seem to get rather… excited after I kill, beat, or maim something. What's the deal with that?"

"Uh… it's…" Ah, she's been found out. I let a smirk move across my lips, savoring the sweet taste of anxiety. "It's not really like that."

"Really?" I ask, pouncing on the fallacy like a kitten with yarn. "When I beat Ganon, you were ready to go from the first punch. Watching my dad and me… tsk, tsk, tsk. You actually wanted us both at the same time! And I'm a pervert?" Technically, we aren't on Gerudo Fortress grounds; thus, her brain is mine to pick via our agreement. Ah, gotta love those loopholes.

"No fair!" Nabooru shouts, freely laughing having noticed that I didn't get upset over the father fantasy. "It wasn't the both of you… it was just… two of you. Two of your tongues moving all over my body! Then the thought of having four of your hands, touching this or rubbing that… god. Two big, muscular Links with two big, long, th--"

"I get the point," I interrupt as she begins to gyrate on me.

"Two of your dicks moving slower… then faster… then harder… all inside of me," she pauses, moaning as her eyes close to submerse even further into her fantasy. Nabooru opens her eyes, undoubtedly blushing, and smiles. "Thanks to you, I had to scrape by on fantasies for years. And then, right before my very eyes, two of you. The man I wanted, twice over, and in the thick of battle. God, watching you fight is like an orgasm that just won't happen! Do you know how much restraint it took in the Sacred Realm for me not to shout, 'Fuck me' while watching your battle with Ganondorf? I didn't even know what it was to experience a 'fuck,' but I wanted it. Even at the castle when those fools didn't have a chance, I wanted you to just screw me on that table until I couldn't form sentences!"

"My dear, I think you've been hanging around Zelda a little too much." Though, it is nice to still be-desired seems to be a bit weak considering the feelings she's putting off-so, it feels nice to be obsessively craved for after watching me get beaten or perform acts of slaughter. "Then why did you ask what I did to Magi when you thought I was going to crush my father's skull if violence turns you on?"

"Easy," she says, calming her hormones slightly. "He may not be you, but seeing someone that looks exactly like you getting dismembered isn't exciting to me-it's disturbing. Magi, on the other hand, was impartial. And the thought of you walking back and forth, plotting to kill him for harming someone you loved would've did the work for me. I guess it's the knowledge that you love us-family in particular-enough to kill, torture, and brutalize flocks of people is what gets me going. Pretty sad, huh?"

"It is, actually." I joke and she frowns, completely missing it. Goddess, I love that. "Kidding, kidding-it's a cute turn-on."

"Then may I ask when you plan to turn me off?" I smile, as does Nabooru, before placing a small kiss on her lips.

Nabooru erupts into laughter before I answer-odd.

"Have you ever imagined something like that before?" Nabooru asks, as she buries her face in my tunic to mute some of the laughter.

"Thought about what?" I ask, totally lost by her shift in mood. "Now what's so funny? I could use a laugh after the day I've had."

"Nothing, nothing, I…" Now, she's giggling. Is there something on my face? "Seriously… I… I was going to ask if you could do that."

The laughing continues and I'm still confused. What else is new?

"Do what?"

"The thing about two of you," Nabooru says innocently, still sporadically giggling. "Haven't you ever thought about doing that with me? Two of you and me, all at once?"

"Oh." Well, I fail to see the humor in that but maybe it's just me… "What!" I recover slightly, enough to avoid dropping her altogether. I watch as the laughter turns to silence, but she still doesn't look up at me. I just know Zelda has something to do with this. It just reeks of her perversion… and a little of my own.

"I want to know, could you do something like that?" Ah, one of those questions. You have to replace the "could" with a "would," which will give you her real question. So, would I split myself in half and bang my wife for twice the loving?

"I could," I reply in step, watching her hopeful glance turn into merriment.

"Then would you?" She doesn't waver in her glance this time, actually staring at me in-depth. "Not that I'm asking for this all of time, I just… wondered, that's all."

"I would, but I don't think I could handle the weirdness." I tell her truthfully, offering a kiss to lessen the blow. "I guess I've officially bored you, huh?"

Legs unlocking from around waist, wife stepping away, and the mood is dead-this day gets better and better.

"I don't think I can become bored with you, Hero." Hmm, she's taking my hand, leading me out of the water by it, and the mood seems to be alive-this day does get better and better. Wait, wait, she's stopping. "What did you mean earlier-about Link kicking your ass?"

"Don't know, just got a feeling," which is more or less true. Of course, honesty is never the best policy when your wife seems to have this obsession with you living or dying. Witness her questions-wait a second. They're coming.

"A feeling? He doesn't kill you in these feelings does he?" See? I can read her like a book, too. "Does that mean Zelda could kill you?"

"Not yet or maybe even ever," I answer thoughtfully. "I imagine that it's a possibility. They could possess my power, but none of the side effects that I experience-like consciously holding form and what have you. And if that's the case, it becomes a matter of skill. Link takes Sepaaru's lessons very seriously, and Zelda… well, she does possess my fighting memories in her subconscious. So, if I pissed her off, we could go the distance."

Nabooru frowns, dropping my hand and crossing her arms.

"Damn it, Link! Can't you just lie once, so I won't be a nervous wreck?"

"I could, but," I appear behind her and close my arms around her body. "You're cute when you pout. Like you said, don't worry about it. They'll become what they'll become and they'll do what they'll do. We can just wait and see."

"Funny," Nabooru says, a little less bitter, as I kiss the back of her neck. "My husband still doesn't care whether he lives or dies-or even if his own kids kill him-an… and I'm too horny to think about it. I hope you're happy, you big barbarian!"

"You know you like it." I make a mock roar, bringing my wife to giggles again. "I love you." Heck, I love moments like this. Nabooru in my arms, my over-thought questions at ease, and I'm pretty sure I'm gold for sex tonight. I tilt my head forward, as her neck cranes back for a kiss.

"Mmm, love you too." So, I am soft in this sense. I like to be loved, is that so wrong? Even if it is, I think I live just to hear and feel that everyday.

"Eeeew! Old people mushiness." Ah, the child has come home to roost. I turn around to find my eldest leaning on the gate frame with an upturned nose at the display before her. "I figured I'd tell you I was here, before you sent the search party for me."

"Don't worry, you'll be old too one day," Nabooru says, giving a little thought to the statement. "More or less anyway. I thought I told you to be back here by ten."

"I was," Zelda says, lying through her teeth. "Okay, maybe I was a little late."

"Hero?" Nabooru asks, going for specifics. "How late is a little?"

"Quarter till midnight," I answer truthfully. "Meaning you came in two minutes ago. That's the fifth time this week and you know what that means, Nab."

"Gimme another chance!" The part of parenting I despise-the begging that you have to look at with disregard.

"Don't hand us that," Nabooru says evenly. "This makes the twelfth time in the past two weeks alone. That means you have stable duty for the next week. No leaving the valley, no visitors, and no Link."

Yeah, Zelda (ex-girlfriend) got emotional and named her son Link, after me. In fear of being cut-off from her sexual virtues, Arthur didn't oppose. Can't say that I don't blame him, because I know the feeling. Anyhow, I guess there was a place for Link and Zelda in the grand scheme of things. Only it wasn't the right Link and Zelda. Ah, well, I still think I got the better deal.

"That's not fair!" Zelda protests, ala her mother's usual style. "We were supposed to go on a picnic tomorrow! Come on, dad! Please! I'll do three weeks, just let it start after tomorrow."

Awe shit! Caught in the middle, think man! Think! There's sex behind the gold eyes. There's a mountain of excuses behind the dark blue. Guess you know where this is headed.

"I guess that picnic doesn't really mean much to you, if you can't decide to make curfew." You can almost see my fatherly 'cool' points dwindling. "I'll bring the shovels and boots out for you tonight. So, I suggest you get some sleep young lady. You have a busy day tomorrow."

"Ooooh! If I was Link, you'd let him go!" Heh, I thought I was overdue for an argument-especially one about how I let Link get away with everything.

"First, I doubt Link likes Li… your boyfriend enough to want to go on a picnic with him. Second, drop the tone or sling shit for a month. Third, quit using your brother as a scapegoat. Whether or not he respects his parents enough to obey ground rules isn't the issue. So, whining and trying to second-guess me is pointless. I've had a very, very bad day and quite frankly, I don't need the attitude tonight. Now, bring your work clothes and be out here at 8 o'clock." I don't think I've ever talked to her like that-and the stunned expression proves it.

"Yes, SIR." Wee, the sir card has been played. She likes to call me that to symbolize my supposed slave-like hold over her. "Goodnight, mother… and SIR." Zelda storms off and another day is in the books. I can't even imagine another seven years of this.

"It doesn't get any worse than this, does it? I mean, it can only get better, right?" Nabooru kisses my chin and rakes her nails across my tunic.

"For tonight it does," she whispers as I follow her through the gate. I think I'll see you a bit later. I have… business to attend to.