Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ To Love and To Be Loved ❯ False Speaking Tongues ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Sleep Remedy 
Ritsuka and Ritsu's relation bends under the stress of infidelity.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.05.2006 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 423 | Status: Work In Progress
Ritsuka and Ritsu's relation bends under the stress of infidelity.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.05.2006 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.2K | Visits: 423 | Status: Work In Progress
'When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she think me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told,
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.'
- Sonnet #138
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 15 -
Rough hands and soft lips. Quick wit and slow reactions. Warm bed and cold voice. Hurtful nips and kind words. My lover is full of mean contradictions. With him, it is very hard to tell fact from fiction. He loves to lament of love and the beauty of love, and then turn around and look at other's love with spite and conceit. To tell the truth, I tire of it.
Though, I too am full of contradictions. I tell him I hate him, and then fall demurely into his arms the next moment. I am reputed for saying one thing and doing the opposite and I do not make much of an effort to change it, though I do recognize the confusion it causes.
He must hate my contradictions as much as I hates his. But, we never speak of them. In his bed, his hands caress the old scars on my shoulder with feathery touches and I kiss him with lips that had cursed him with every word under the sun. When we are outside of his bed, or just outside of our love, his eyes are cold without feeling and my mouth is hot with insults. Within our love, his looks are soft and my words are the like. I can not explain it, other than we fall in and out of love many times throughout the day. Perhaps, that is the meaning of our name, 'Loveless'.
We never speak of this problem and we never apologize. But, the regret is there. It is in a small wildflower in a paper cup or a shared piece of candy, or just the holding open of a door. Our love is tumultuous, if you can call it love at all. We are full of lies, both to ourselves and to each other. Still, we stand side by side in front of others and force happiness. I really do not under stand the dance he leads me in. I have never played this game, though I find, and am told, that I am a natural at it.
At that time, I lie in bed with him and felt his hands on my body while smelling Momoko's perfume on his body, mixed with his musk.
"You smell good," I whispered. I was barely able to push it through my lips, but he interpreted this as lust in my voice and not apprehension.
"New cologne. You like it?" he asked me, smiling. He smiled as he lied to me.
/When my love swears that she is made of truth,/
/I do believe her though I know she lies,/
"Yeah. Where'd you get it? I might want some, too," I spoke clearly. I was challenging him, though he also purposefully did not bite.
"Oh, I'm not really sure. I think I might have gotten it from a magazine Momoko brings in. You'd have to ask her," he smiled again, trying to re-engage me in our activities. His hands ran up and down again, with unmasked hurriedness. But, I could not allow this to fester in my mind any longer. For almost three months now, he had come home smelling of a woman.
/That she might think me some untutored youth,/
/Unlearned in the world's false subtleties./
"Why were you reading one of Momoko's magazine's?" I asked again, quietly. He could not avoid this. Not with his warm hands. Not with his nonchalant words. Not even with the hot sugared lips that he pressed against mine in a desperate attempt to end the conversation. I absolutely refused to bite. Or, rather, I absolutely would bite, bite down on those deceiving, lying lips.
"Fuck!" he yelled, pulling back. "What was that for, Love?" he sneered. "It's none of your business, what concerns us adults."
/Thus vainly thinking that she think me young,/
/Although she knows my days are past the best,/
"I must say," he said, the anger slipping from his voice, in turn for a hurt whisper. "You are more suspicious than any I have seen in some time. Though, I'm sure there are things you do wrong. Where were you last weekend?" he asked, scowling down at me openly, as he sat upon my chest, sucking on his bleeding lip.
'Last weekend,' I thought to myself, searching my memories. Last weekend, Rei had asked me out on the town. I had made friends with him over the past few weeks, often meeting him at the library since he was a volunteer there. He had taken me to a movie then out to eat. Though the glances he gave me betrayed his obvious interest, he had been a total gentleman. So had I, been completely loyal to Ritsu. Still, to be honest, if I was completely faithful to him, then I would not have taken the offer at all. The fact was that I had been depressed about my fighter's infidelity and long starved for conversation with someone my age.
"Listen, it doesn't matter," Ritsu sighed in response to my abashed silence. He leaned down for a cautious kiss, finding no response (neither violent, nor loving) he pulled back again, almost as if I had bitten him again.
"Ritsuka, you're beautiful..." he said, caressing the scar that marred my 'beautiful' body that had cut a large chunk from my shoulder and continued to run along the top of my collarbone. When you first come to Angora and begin 'fighting', they assure you that none of your adversaries will harm you. The second thing you learn is that this is a lie. I had despaired for months after the injury, but Ritsu had simply began the trite assurances of my beauty. As far as I was concerned, I was not attractive. At least, not to normal people. Not anymore. Not with my disfigured body and mind.
/Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;/
/On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed./
Sighing when he got no response to that one, he said, "Ritsuka, I love you."
A lie. I swear it was a lie. That smile on his face, but not in his eyes betrayed everything, but Ritsu did not know that. As if I didn't understand the meaning of the word Loveless that he held so close to his frozen heart. I kept thinking of how he did not love me. If he had loved me, he would not have felt the need to sleep with her. Perhaps, if I would have found the strength to pull my mind away from such a depressing thought, things would not have ended the way it did.
"I hate you," I spat, glaring at him. 'That is right,' I thought to myself. 'Yell at me. Reprimand me. Be a big, strong, admonishing adult, just how you like to make yourself out to be.'
"What's wrong with you!" he screamed, wrenching my head back by his hold on my hair. I grunted and he glared down at me with a twisted frown. "You're nothing but an Ice Wench, do you know that? I say 'I love you' and you reply that you hate me!"
He swept out of the room, looking almost comical, completely nude and outrageously thin, like he was. I sat up and listened while Ritsu banged around in the next room. I realized, like I often did, after the fact that the fight was a stupid one. We really didn't have a normal relationship. I wasn't even sixteen yet. I had already hit puberty, long ago, but I still didn't have the interest in sex that I might garner in a few years. Though Ritsu was always enthusiastic about being with me, I had to work to match his energy. He was unsatisfied. So, he looked for something easy.
His promises had always been that he loved me, I was beautiful, and that he trusted me. I believed all that was true. You could feel all those things and still be sexually unsatisfied. I just liked to fight. I still liked to be the unwilling victim in our two man dance. It was immature of me, after two years with him. But, just as he had never promised to be monogamous, when did I ever promise to be mature?
/But wherefore says she not she is unjust?/
/And wherefore say not I that I am old?/
Suddenly, the rummaging sounds in the next room died down and I could hear Ritsu's padding feet coming towards the bedroom door. He pulled open the door he had just slammed and stood there in just a pair of black jeans. I could only see his silhouette from inside the darkened room, but I could still tell he was sullen.
"Now, it's not even just him, you're waiting for? It's anybody?" he asked dejectedly.
For a long moment, I could not fathom about whom he was speaking. Then, suddenly, it clicked in my head. It was bothering Ritsu a lot more than I had thought, that I had gone out with Rei. But, like the adult he so prided himself in being, he had not given a single hint at his unhappiness with what I had done.
He had always known that Soubi was my one, even before him. I believe he had long ago resigned himself to that, just as I had resigned myself to the fact that there had been another 'Loveless' sacrifice before me. But, now he was worried that our relationship, or, perhaps, just he, was too unbearable and I was looking for anyone to take me away from him (like the other 'Loveless'?)
I felt ashamed. I had been trying to hurt him in a shallow superficial way. Not in a complicated gouging way, as I had.
My hand moved distractedly over my eyes. "No. No, that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to get back at you. I was being immature. I'm sorry. I need to get over this," I muttered distractedly.
Ritsu's silhouette waved back and forth in the doorway, indecisive. Finally, he moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed, facing me. He pulled my hand down from my face and clutched it in both of his.
"I sometimes forget how young you are," he said in an equal tone. I almost snorted. He constantly reminded me to act more adult. But, I suppose I knew too, that it was beginning to become just a saying for him towards me. "I was acting too carelessly with your feelings. I have a place in apologizing, too," he finished.
/O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,/
/And age in love loves not to have years told,/
Ritsu leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss against my lips and I leaned into it, just a little bit, my own little contribution to forgiveness. Comfortable with my signal, Ritsu's leggy body crawled over mine and into his spot on the other side of the bed. I laid down as I felt him depress the mattress in its usual spot, curling up against his side and allowing him to drape an arm across my shoulder.
"Ritsuka, I love you," he murmured.
"...I know," I whispered back.
/Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,/
/And in our faults by lies we flattered be./
I do believe her though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she think me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told,
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be.'
- Sonnet #138
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 15 -
Rough hands and soft lips. Quick wit and slow reactions. Warm bed and cold voice. Hurtful nips and kind words. My lover is full of mean contradictions. With him, it is very hard to tell fact from fiction. He loves to lament of love and the beauty of love, and then turn around and look at other's love with spite and conceit. To tell the truth, I tire of it.
Though, I too am full of contradictions. I tell him I hate him, and then fall demurely into his arms the next moment. I am reputed for saying one thing and doing the opposite and I do not make much of an effort to change it, though I do recognize the confusion it causes.
He must hate my contradictions as much as I hates his. But, we never speak of them. In his bed, his hands caress the old scars on my shoulder with feathery touches and I kiss him with lips that had cursed him with every word under the sun. When we are outside of his bed, or just outside of our love, his eyes are cold without feeling and my mouth is hot with insults. Within our love, his looks are soft and my words are the like. I can not explain it, other than we fall in and out of love many times throughout the day. Perhaps, that is the meaning of our name, 'Loveless'.
We never speak of this problem and we never apologize. But, the regret is there. It is in a small wildflower in a paper cup or a shared piece of candy, or just the holding open of a door. Our love is tumultuous, if you can call it love at all. We are full of lies, both to ourselves and to each other. Still, we stand side by side in front of others and force happiness. I really do not under stand the dance he leads me in. I have never played this game, though I find, and am told, that I am a natural at it.
At that time, I lie in bed with him and felt his hands on my body while smelling Momoko's perfume on his body, mixed with his musk.
"You smell good," I whispered. I was barely able to push it through my lips, but he interpreted this as lust in my voice and not apprehension.
"New cologne. You like it?" he asked me, smiling. He smiled as he lied to me.
/When my love swears that she is made of truth,/
/I do believe her though I know she lies,/
"Yeah. Where'd you get it? I might want some, too," I spoke clearly. I was challenging him, though he also purposefully did not bite.
"Oh, I'm not really sure. I think I might have gotten it from a magazine Momoko brings in. You'd have to ask her," he smiled again, trying to re-engage me in our activities. His hands ran up and down again, with unmasked hurriedness. But, I could not allow this to fester in my mind any longer. For almost three months now, he had come home smelling of a woman.
/That she might think me some untutored youth,/
/Unlearned in the world's false subtleties./
"Why were you reading one of Momoko's magazine's?" I asked again, quietly. He could not avoid this. Not with his warm hands. Not with his nonchalant words. Not even with the hot sugared lips that he pressed against mine in a desperate attempt to end the conversation. I absolutely refused to bite. Or, rather, I absolutely would bite, bite down on those deceiving, lying lips.
"Fuck!" he yelled, pulling back. "What was that for, Love?" he sneered. "It's none of your business, what concerns us adults."
/Thus vainly thinking that she think me young,/
/Although she knows my days are past the best,/
"I must say," he said, the anger slipping from his voice, in turn for a hurt whisper. "You are more suspicious than any I have seen in some time. Though, I'm sure there are things you do wrong. Where were you last weekend?" he asked, scowling down at me openly, as he sat upon my chest, sucking on his bleeding lip.
'Last weekend,' I thought to myself, searching my memories. Last weekend, Rei had asked me out on the town. I had made friends with him over the past few weeks, often meeting him at the library since he was a volunteer there. He had taken me to a movie then out to eat. Though the glances he gave me betrayed his obvious interest, he had been a total gentleman. So had I, been completely loyal to Ritsu. Still, to be honest, if I was completely faithful to him, then I would not have taken the offer at all. The fact was that I had been depressed about my fighter's infidelity and long starved for conversation with someone my age.
"Listen, it doesn't matter," Ritsu sighed in response to my abashed silence. He leaned down for a cautious kiss, finding no response (neither violent, nor loving) he pulled back again, almost as if I had bitten him again.
"Ritsuka, you're beautiful..." he said, caressing the scar that marred my 'beautiful' body that had cut a large chunk from my shoulder and continued to run along the top of my collarbone. When you first come to Angora and begin 'fighting', they assure you that none of your adversaries will harm you. The second thing you learn is that this is a lie. I had despaired for months after the injury, but Ritsu had simply began the trite assurances of my beauty. As far as I was concerned, I was not attractive. At least, not to normal people. Not anymore. Not with my disfigured body and mind.
/Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;/
/On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed./
Sighing when he got no response to that one, he said, "Ritsuka, I love you."
A lie. I swear it was a lie. That smile on his face, but not in his eyes betrayed everything, but Ritsu did not know that. As if I didn't understand the meaning of the word Loveless that he held so close to his frozen heart. I kept thinking of how he did not love me. If he had loved me, he would not have felt the need to sleep with her. Perhaps, if I would have found the strength to pull my mind away from such a depressing thought, things would not have ended the way it did.
"I hate you," I spat, glaring at him. 'That is right,' I thought to myself. 'Yell at me. Reprimand me. Be a big, strong, admonishing adult, just how you like to make yourself out to be.'
"What's wrong with you!" he screamed, wrenching my head back by his hold on my hair. I grunted and he glared down at me with a twisted frown. "You're nothing but an Ice Wench, do you know that? I say 'I love you' and you reply that you hate me!"
He swept out of the room, looking almost comical, completely nude and outrageously thin, like he was. I sat up and listened while Ritsu banged around in the next room. I realized, like I often did, after the fact that the fight was a stupid one. We really didn't have a normal relationship. I wasn't even sixteen yet. I had already hit puberty, long ago, but I still didn't have the interest in sex that I might garner in a few years. Though Ritsu was always enthusiastic about being with me, I had to work to match his energy. He was unsatisfied. So, he looked for something easy.
His promises had always been that he loved me, I was beautiful, and that he trusted me. I believed all that was true. You could feel all those things and still be sexually unsatisfied. I just liked to fight. I still liked to be the unwilling victim in our two man dance. It was immature of me, after two years with him. But, just as he had never promised to be monogamous, when did I ever promise to be mature?
/But wherefore says she not she is unjust?/
/And wherefore say not I that I am old?/
Suddenly, the rummaging sounds in the next room died down and I could hear Ritsu's padding feet coming towards the bedroom door. He pulled open the door he had just slammed and stood there in just a pair of black jeans. I could only see his silhouette from inside the darkened room, but I could still tell he was sullen.
"Now, it's not even just him, you're waiting for? It's anybody?" he asked dejectedly.
For a long moment, I could not fathom about whom he was speaking. Then, suddenly, it clicked in my head. It was bothering Ritsu a lot more than I had thought, that I had gone out with Rei. But, like the adult he so prided himself in being, he had not given a single hint at his unhappiness with what I had done.
He had always known that Soubi was my one, even before him. I believe he had long ago resigned himself to that, just as I had resigned myself to the fact that there had been another 'Loveless' sacrifice before me. But, now he was worried that our relationship, or, perhaps, just he, was too unbearable and I was looking for anyone to take me away from him (like the other 'Loveless'?)
I felt ashamed. I had been trying to hurt him in a shallow superficial way. Not in a complicated gouging way, as I had.
My hand moved distractedly over my eyes. "No. No, that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to get back at you. I was being immature. I'm sorry. I need to get over this," I muttered distractedly.
Ritsu's silhouette waved back and forth in the doorway, indecisive. Finally, he moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed, facing me. He pulled my hand down from my face and clutched it in both of his.
"I sometimes forget how young you are," he said in an equal tone. I almost snorted. He constantly reminded me to act more adult. But, I suppose I knew too, that it was beginning to become just a saying for him towards me. "I was acting too carelessly with your feelings. I have a place in apologizing, too," he finished.
/O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,/
/And age in love loves not to have years told,/
Ritsu leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss against my lips and I leaned into it, just a little bit, my own little contribution to forgiveness. Comfortable with my signal, Ritsu's leggy body crawled over mine and into his spot on the other side of the bed. I laid down as I felt him depress the mattress in its usual spot, curling up against his side and allowing him to drape an arm across my shoulder.
"Ritsuka, I love you," he murmured.
"...I know," I whispered back.
/Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,/
/And in our faults by lies we flattered be./