Macross Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ The Legend of Macross (which has nothing to do with Macross, really) ❯ Prologue

Introduction:

I guess I should warn people here…this story is really weird. But what else am I capable of writing? Except lemons…but anyway. I wrote this a long time ago and I don't expect many people to find it amusing, as my humour is sort of twisted. But if you do find it funny, then hell yea! I would like reviews on this one!! There is a sequel, BOOK 2. I am going to be shortly putting that one up after this one. Anyway, I wanted to warn people that you wont understand a lot of the jokes because they're inside jokes…this story was written without the intention of having anyone read it. You could basically describe it as me being really bored and squishing a whole bunch of Anime characters together into a number of pointless scenes. Note: Most of the Anime characters in this deranged story are entirelyout of character, as you'll discover.

Inconvenient warnings:

We here at SPOON © Productions advise you not to proceed as reading this may cause irreversible damage to the Kidneys and Liver. Be warned that there are disturbing and perverse concepts as well as numerous acts of genocide ahead. Listed below are a couple of the oddities included if you wish to turn back now:

#1. Spam #6. Mentally disturbed teletubbies.

#2. The word Apeshit. #7. Alcohol

#3. Mass destruction and killing. #8. Cheese

#4. The Backstreet Boys #9. A redneck

#5. Overly large people leaping around. #10. Dark foreboding pits

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

* * * *

Son Goku was sitting on a park bench.

He was wearing a white jacket and had a…yes, he had a box of chocolates beside him, and a rather goofy grin plastered to his face. Needless to say, the jacket was a refreshing change from his usual Ninja Gi. This was all very necessary because it was in Goku's contract to act like a dork. He took auditions for the part of the narrator and the second we saw him he just seemed to scream; HEY! I'M STUPID! It's just the whole classic `Vacant Expression of Joy' on his face at all times, except for when he's trying to kill somebody…Is it just me, or do people find that loveable? Don't get me wrong, Goku is a great guy, it's just terribly upsetting when you're a die-hard Vegeta fan and he always has to beat him… sniff.

(Short scene of Goku and Vegita fighting. Goku punched Vegita with the audible sound effect of a mountain lion in the background)

And well, he was just looking terribly stupid, which is what those sorts of guys on park benches excel in. For years guys on park benches have always made a rather annoying habit of sneaking out late at night to defy their parents and generally have a good time. But little did their parents know that they were really sneaking out and joining forces with the good people of the state capital who manufactured sacred park benches. In doing this, it spawned an amazing era where lone recluses could at last sit in peace whilst not looking out of place as they sat on their park benches.

(Zelgadis Greywers looked up from being hunched over his Folgers ® coffee, sighed, and hung his head once more. He said nothing, being the horribly abused and underpaid spokesman for `Folgers® that he is. And in return for his silence, was committed to the Witness Protection Program.)

Perhaps you could refer to it as a branch from the Women's Liberation Movement, and the only exception was they didn't burn their bras, they burned those who displayed their ignorance in public. Bullies were refined to their duties in the dark alleys once again, if they came too close to a dork on a park bench they met with an untimely death which was far more gruesome that anything they could ever brag about. Parents of these…not so forgiving children were left to ponder over such things as why the loners could get away with human burning and their offspring were not allowed to get away with simple `Push in the mud and laugh'. The good people of the state capital, or at least the good men that had the nerve to stand up to others and give the loners a chance were widely known as `What possessed them to do such a thing' and were generally loathed by business men and important people who could no longer sit on park benches and look like they were really there for a reason. But alas, they fled to Alaska and haven't been seen for the past three hundred years. Headlines all over the nation read for weeks; Lemming plague mysteriously hits Alaska' This didn't stop them, however, and to this day our beloved losers still flock to their benches to practice holy sessions of `Scrabble' and `Chess' while praising the god whom they call `Forest Gump'.

Ah yes. Forest was a spirited young man who started the movement…but I'm getting off track… Although the good people of the state capital failed to mention the late infestation of wood lice from the Indies, and some of the more unfortunate loners…promptly vanished.

Goku looked up with a dumb blink.

"Uh, shouldn't I be telling the story now?" he asked to apparently nobody, shuffling through his lines. He looked back up and frowned. "What's a `Mech'?"

<A sigh. Two Spoon © stage managers abruptly placed a large inflatable Gourry beside Goku on the park bench in hopes of giving him a more relaxed environment that he would be used to> "Okay…here goes…"

Spoon Productions © 2000 Presents…

THE LEGEND OF MACROSS

BOOK ONE