Macross Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ The Legend of Macross (which has nothing to do with Macross, really) ❯ Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14: THE FINAL CONFLICT! NICKS MASTER PLAN!

By this time you might have asked yourself…just what the hell is happening here? Well…. Y'see, Kiero and Vegeta have been taken hostage by the evil pop singer, Nick Carter and his evil minions, courtesy of Ann the Prelate. Vegeta was rendered unconscious and his Ki was taken away for the time being…rather conveniently we should add. As for the M16BP, well, they weren't doing anything to impressive at the time but just happened to be floating on by near the PDB's Mothership. C.Trunks was…plotting. To put our beloved Stan back in the story, he's been wandering around and is floating around outside the main viewport-

Now, with everyone within reach of his evil grasp, Nick Carter began to put his master plan into play…

Nick snapped his whip and swirled around to face the sullen face of Keiro. He reached out to cup her chin and glared down into her eyes.

"You never saw us coming, did you? Didn't expect to see your ship taken over by hordes of rabid Klingons? Ten-Four Ten-Four we got whores in the city we need back up now? Yes, we do a rather good job of eliminating unwanted parasites."

"What!?"

He let go of her chin and with a great sigh, turned and clasped his hands behind his back, trying to think up other ingenious questions that really, required no apparent answer. He spun around again and cracked the whip.

"And did you really think that transforming into an Alien life form would get you out of our grasp? You didn't think to hit the START button though, did you?"

"What the hell…!?"

He sighed again. "Ah well. I haven't the time to deal with a weakling like you. So primitive, so very, very primitive. You can't even operate a simple Alien machine. It is a truly sad day for humanity when those around us become so…very…

He searched in vain for the word. "So very…pathetic."

Keiro wished she could pull a Rezzo and let her head sink into her chest cavity from view.

"I really have no idea what you're talking about. I was just minding my own business."

She struggled in her ropes holding her in the chair. From over in the corner, Vegita made his first sound.

"He thinks, Keiro, well, I mean, he tries, but his so very `pathetic' and `truly primitive' brain can't comprehend the fact that we don't have what it takes to turn into `Alien life forms' or blast away at the speed of light from any approaching danger that we sense with our `astounding' ESP. Oh my. Here comes a rabid Pop Singer. How scary. How terribly frightening. I must remember to pack my power ranger next time."

Nick scowled down at the Sayajin and snapped his whip a third time. "Are you finished?" he growled.

Vegita opened his mouth to continue but the whip silenced him. If only all his strength hadn't been zapped…then he'd show this guy just what the meaning of `pain' meant.

"But you see, that's just what you want me to think. I'm onto your little scheme." Vegita rolled his eyes.

"Right. Watch out, Nick. When you least expect it, we might scream; MAXIMAL, TERRORIZE! And kill everything within ten feet."

"I wouldn't doubt it, I really wouldn't. You see, I've been watching you. I think you have great potential, and frankly, I'm going to use it to my advantage."

Vegita scowled. "Why do I suddenly get the impression that you're suddenly going to tell me your life story…?"

Nick leaned over the counter on one arm and gave him a small smile reserved for telling life stories.

"Because I'm going to tell you my life story, my little Prince."

Doobie doobie do...was how it began.

The tale of the frighteningly real penguin named heenie. AKA Nick.

Well, anyways, there was this penguin, sick and tired of being left behind in the flock down in Antarctica, and getting the bum rap from his bruddah after his bruddah had starred in 'the pebble and the penguin. So he went to San Francisco. An evil evil place.

Anyway's...

The penguin enrolled in law school, trying to bring justice to people who kill other people in south America and are being stalked by strange men with birds that talk like jabba the hutt...But he only succeeded in scaring the shit out of a young man named mourry who liked to make out with drew barrymore in his little dreams.

Alas, the penguin liked this life even less than his last one, being backup singer to that skinny penguin chick that has a thing for emeralds while singing 'now and forever' to her little dork penguin boytoy who was actually his bruddah.

So he went to a life of crime. Jewels weren't good enough...oh no...Neither was money...nah...he was after BEER!! Liquid of the gods...although it tasted quite a bit like piss...but he liked that bud dry crap though!! Oh yah... sneaking into people's homes and raiding their fridge's for a living... and if they got in his way, he'd kill them...easy as that.

For a brief time, he went into the jewel business, posing as a chicken and terrorizing highly intelligent dogs who wore mechanical pants.

But it was short lived and he went back to the beer rap.

His demise came quickly, he was no more than 15 years old when he decided to go for the big time and robbed a certain sayajin prince's fridge in the dead of night. He had managed to get himself locked into the freezer while reaching for a particularly appealing looking bottle. The prince, Vegeta, chose that moment to have a midnight drink...While his wife wasn't looking of course.. And reached in and instead of pulling out a nice, tall, frosty bud dry, he got a penguin holding a bottle of bud dry. He screamed.

"Doobie doobie do!!" greeted the penguin in what he thought was the universal language for 'Hello, goodbye, time to die!'

Vegeta wasn't amused.

"Dammit, why the hell should I be scared of you??" vegeta continued while holding the penguin up at eye level.

The penguin, not knowing of the fate that held him fast, made a last ditch attempt and broke the bottle over vegta's head.

Vegeta scowled and threw him out the window. And there was promptly much rejoicing.

End.

Now remember ladies and gentlemen...DRINK THE BUD DRY...but PLEASE, PLEASE, stay away from the Sayajins!

Nick sighed and looked wistfully out the window. Then his expression darkened and he pointed to Vegita who was sitting dumbfounded in the chair.

"You, you threw me out the window! I have scars! Scars of that horrible night!" he cried.

Vegita sweatdropped. "You broke a beer bottle over my damned head!!" he retorted.

Nick waved the matter away with his hand and looked back out the window. "I don't have the patience to deal with you too. You tried interfering with our plans."

"What were your plans?" Keiro called from over in her corner.

Nick giggled and clenched his fists. "Something so diabolically insane, its never been thought of before! I'm so original I scare myself!"

"Yeah…so what is it?"

"I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND RULE THE UNIVERSE!"