Mirage Of Blaze Fan Fiction / Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Chasing Twilight ❯ Chapter Four: White Cloth ( Chapter 4 )

"Chasing Twilight"

by: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Four: White Cloth

~**~

I thought, If I could become Kagetora completely, then we could finally understand one another, and then you called me by my name, and I found myself suddenly lost.

~Takaya

~**~

It was nearly two a.m. when Naoe pulled into his driveway. His eyes widened when he saw a motorcycle parked across the road. 'Kagetora?'

He had checked Yuzuru's first, then Takaya's own house, nothing. His younger sister, Mia, said she hadn't seen her brother in weeks, though that wasn't really 'unusual for Takaya.' Why would he be here?

'Lord Kagetora.'

Naoe pushed open the door, saw the mail and lifted it before proceeding into the darkened house. "Lord Kagetora?" he asked softly. No reply.

He was about to turn on the kitchen light when he saw the moonlight play off of a shadowed figure asleep at the table. Naoe licked his lips unconsciously. Takaya was pouting as he slept, head resting on his arms and face half-covered by his shaggy bangs.

"Kagetora," he whispered shakily, relieved to see the young man alive and well. "No," he corrected himself. "Takaya. It doesn't matter what you want me to call you, you know. You, and only you, are now and have always been the one who breaks me."

Naoe gently brushed the hair from the younger man's eyes.. "My lord," he whispered. "My love."

Takaya's nose crinkled at the disturbance and his eyes fluttered slowly open, causing Naoe to start slightly. 'Did he hear...?'

"Oh," the young man began, still half-asleep. "You're home. I didn't mean to fall asleep. Have you been here long?" he asked, standing up to face the monk. They really did have a lot to say to one another, but for a long few moments, neither spoke.

"My friend," Naoe said finally, finding this the safest thing to call the other man. "I am glad to see you well."

Thoughtlessly, Takaya flung himself at Naoe, tangling his arms around the taller man's neck. "Bastard," he mumbled into Naoe's shoulder. "I was worried."

"Takaya."

"Help me remember, Naoe. ...Kagetora... I've decided to become Kagetora completely. I wanted to tell you that."

Naoe blinked. Held within his Lord's embrace--he was expecting to wake up at any given moment.

"Why the sudden change," he asked slowly, taking the time to collect his thoughts. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around the young man, afraid that it would cause Takaya to pull away. He was more than a little surprised when it didn't. Instead, Takaya, still a bit groggy (or he wouldn't be half this 'affectionate', if you could call it that), snuggled into the warmth of Naoe's loosely-fitted arms.

"It's not sudden," he protested, and Naoe could swear he sounded as if he was pouting, "I've been thinking about it since you left me on the docks in Niko. Naoe--I want to understand how you feel, that's why. Please help me remember, to become Kagetora completely, will you?"

"Will I?" Naoe asked aloud, though the question was more directed at himself. There were reasons he wanted Takaya to remember, and more reasons that he hoped he never remembered a thing. Takaya was Kagetora, but he was so much the Kagetora that Naoe had originally fallen in love with, not the man he became later, the one who grew to hate him. Hell, Naoe knew he was a selfish, cold-hearted bastard. It was just the way he was; he didn't figure that he'd ever change, but he loved Kagetora, Takaya, whoever damnit, and he had no intention of letting go! Even so, Takaya...wanted to understand, and maybe, just maybe reciprocate his feelings, but that was something "Kagetora" would never allow, not in a millennium, let alone a few centuries.

But Takaya continued when Naoe didn't say anything. "Will you do to me...the things you did to him? Please?"

Naoe's eyes widened. The things he'd done to Kagetora? Neither of them wanted that. They'd been trying to break that cycle of love and hate for far too long. But Takaya didn't really have any idea what he and Kagetora had done, and that simple, hopeless statement made that brutally obvious. And if that wasn't bad enough, when Takaya kissed him suddenly (and rather awkwardly), Naoe, for a moment, forgot how to breathe, how to move.

Yes, Takaya's assumptions were suddenly quite obvious. In reality, if you wanted to know the absolute truth of the matter at hand, this was their very first kiss. And it pained Naoe that the reason wasn't love, had nothing at all to do with love--but even so, he'd waited for so long, had longed for this kind of contact from the man for far too many centuries, so even if it wasn't love, he took to the kiss, commanded it, pulled the awkwardness right out of the young man in his arms. It was a sensation he couldn't help but devour, even as his chest panged and he prayed that something more could come of this, that they might finally break this vicious cycle. 'Takaya, love me, please, and if you can't love me, then love no one else. I can't stand the thought of you even touching another person anymore. Please understand, I know this isn't love for you. I know you're only hoping that there's something more to all of this, but...I can't turn away from you, even if you come to hate me for it. There's just no way I can do something like that.'

The kiss: it was not the gentle kiss of lovers or anything like it. It was all passion and longing and brute force, a despairing kiss, but not one without some small trace of hope. So much so that when Takaya pulled back, he wasn't sure who was the master and who the servant in this crazy relationship of theirs. He could feel stirrings, something swimming up in the back of his mind, taking notice, and demanding that he stop it, right now, right this very instant. He took a few steps back and turned his head away from Naoe, towards his own shoulder, downcast his eyes and began unbuttoning his shirt, began sliding it off of a youthfully slender form.

For a long moment, Naoe could only stare in shock, totally disbelieving, as he watched the white cloth slowly revealed more and more of the delicious skin that he longed to touch, that he had longed to touch and keep touching for the past five-hundred years. Unconsciously, he licked his lips as a fleshy little bud appeared from beneath the cotton layers. Even with only this, he could feel his groin stirring awake. An image of what it would be like to roll that tiny nipple over his tongue invaded his mind, causing a soft moan to escape slightly parted lips.

Frightened eyes shot up to meet his at the unexpected sound, snapping Naoe back to his senses. What had he been thinking just then? Well, he knew exactly what he'd been thinking, and it had nothing to do with his brain, unfortunately. How totally shameful. It had hardly been the first time he'd fallen into this situation with the young man. Unable to speak for a moment, he watched as the young man fumbled with the button of his jeans, nervous fingers unable to grasp it properly. Takaya cursed under his breath. "Shit, this shouldn't be this difficult," he mumbled of the offensive button, though he meant something else entirely, something that very much should be this difficult, given the circumstances, but cursing out his jeans was a decent enough cover for that. His eyes locked on the bulge in Naoe's pants, as hard as he tried to not look at it. It was blatantly obvious that he was staring; he could no more hide it than he could stop breathing...oh, breathing...right...

'Can I do this, really?' Takaya wondered. 'Will he be to big for me to take? This was my decision. I don't want to start crying like a girl.'

Suddenly, Naoe grasped his shoulders and stopped him. Takaya assumed that his 'friend' and 'protector' intended to kiss him, or to strip the rest of his clothes himself, so when he whispered roughly, "stop it" and pulled Takaya against his chest gently, sighing as he soothed the nervous tension out of his shoulders, the younger man didn't know quite what to make of it. "Not like this, Takaya."

Takaya suddenly felt very guilty that he wasn't more turned on. That's what this was about, right? Because he was too scared to be horny. He knew Naoe was an attractive man. If he had to be with a guy, he figured Naoe was probably a good choice...but...

Well, he supposed he didn't really need to be turned on, all he really had to do was spread his legs. He could explain to Naoe, tell him that he was sure, once he got used to it, he would definitely...start to like it. Then they could do it, like he used to do with Kagetora, and he could remember, finally. But the thought of Naoe and him...he suddenly felt a little nauseous. He'd never been this afraid of anything, ever. 'What if he isn't careful enough?' he wondered. It's not as if he knew anything about the mechanics, though he'd heard some awful stories. 'What if he...tears something...inside...?' "I-it's okay, Naoe," he said, locked awkwardly in the other man's grasp and unable to look into his eyes in this position. "I just, don't really know how is all..." he trailed off as Naoe pulled away from him, holding him by the shoulders and arm's length away.

"No," Naoe said firmly. "Stop it. Your memory won't return to you in this fashion." the older man dropped his arms and turned away.

"But, isn't this what you and Kagetora did?" he asked naively.

Naoe sighed, pushing his fingers roughly through his hair. "No, Takaya, it's not. Just now, a moment ago, that was our first kiss."

"But, I thought..."

"Of course I wanted to. Kagetora--no, Takaya--our love, yours and mine, has always been one-sided. Put your shirt back on, my friend. You won't be able to claim Kagetora's memories in this way."

"But, you're still.." Takaya's eyes shot down to the bulge in Naoe's pants, concerned. He bit the inside of his cheek. Should he...help him?

"And you are not, my friend. I won't allow anyone else to have you, ever, but...I will not force myself upon you either. It will pass." It was true. Naoe realized it long ago. It was not Kagetora's body alone that he wanted. It was all of him; he'd consume the man's very soul if he could.

"But Naoe..."

"It will pass, Takaya."

Takaya finally replaced his shirt. In turn, while he was buttoning it, Naoe turned to the mail in hoped of a distraction from his obvious difficulty.

"Anything interesting?" Takaya asked over his shoulder as Naoe found an unaddressed, unstamped envelope in the pile. His brow narrowed down slightly. "Maybe," he stated thoughtfully.

~**~

The girls sat around chatting over cake served up on paper napkins since Omi was taking forever to return with the plates.

"Yuzuru is so oblivious!" Aya laughed.

Ran, having been half-part of the conversation decided to speak up now. "Who's Yuzuru?" he asked, fairly sure this was one of Aya's new friends that he didn't know.

"Yuzuru is the boy I like," Saori answered cheerfully. "But he doesn't know, so don't you dare tell him!"

"Ah," Ran replied, perplexed by the reason that knowing Saori liked someone made him uncomfortable, and a little annoyed.

"Yeah. It's pretty hopeless," Saori laughed. "Since Yuzuru likes boys, but it can't be helped. That's just how I feel. Maybe it's a phase and he'll grow out of it," she joked. "Well, no worries! There's nothing to be done about it."

Ran said nothing to this. What could he say? 'It can't be helped...the way I feel,' he reflected. 'The way I feel. How do I feel? Right now, at this very instant, how do I...feel?' the red-head wondered.

Realizing that the conversation had made Ran uncomfortable, Saori decided to lighten things up.

"But, you know, you're actually much cuter than Yuzuru is!" she teased.

Ran's body betrayed him, making his face turn color. He flushed. 'What--the hell?' he wondered. 'It's just a physical attraction, isn't it? It's not as if I...like her, right? Shit, I really like her, don't I?' he realized. He hated when this sort of thing happened; it's not as if anything could come of it. He was an assassin, after all. He glanced at Nagi--also an assassin--and he wondered if Aya knew about the other thing. He very much doubted it. But, well, his sister did look happy.

Anyway, Saori liked some gay guy, so he didn't know why he was thinking about it. It's not as if anything would come of it--he just liked her. What a pain in the ass. Now that he realized that he liked her, it was hard not to think of her, or steal glances of her when he thought no one was looking. If he knew that Nagi had noticed, it would be the end of his pride.

~**~

The boy's eyes widened when he saw Chiaki and Haruie enter the bakery. Ah, but Saori worked here, so...coincidence, had to be.

"You! Date!" Haruie blanketed, obviously not expecting to find him here, and none to pleased about the recent discovery.

The boy sighed. It wasn't his fault he'd gotten that seed of evil kings thing--anyway, it seemed to be dormant right now, gladly.

There was a pregnant and uncomfortable pause that passed between them.

"Don't look at me like that," he finally protested.

"I haven't done anything. I'm only covering Morino-chan's shift so that she could go to her friend's birthday party."

"How noble of you," Haruie's tone practically bled sarcasm.

Chiaki felt a sudden migraine coming on. This was getting nothing done. 'Why does he always have to be like this?' he thought of Haruie. He grabbed the woman's wrist and yanked her towards the door. "Don't go anywhere," he told the boy. "Be right back."

"Hey!" Haruie protested.

~**~

"Maybe?" Takaya peered over Naoe's shoulder as the older man opened the unmarked envelope. A few stiff Polaroids fell out.

A young man with chestnut hair and bright blue eyes was tied, wrist bound to ankle, glaring up at the camera, a bit of blood on the gag in his mouth.

"Who is he?" Takaya asked, picking up one of the photos to look at it more closely. Obviously, he was being held hostage, but what connection did he have to Naoe? 'Do I really know so little about you?'

"I have no idea," Naoe said thoughtfully as he pulled a memo paper from the envelope:

Nobutsuna Naoe,

Enclosed you will find photos of one Nagi Naoe, a young boy who shares your blood. If you want to save his life, you will come to 472 North Mill Pond Road to trade yourself for his freedom and life.

The boy is NOT a possessor. Think it over. You have two days.

Very Sincerely,

Mr. Bradley Crawford

'Why would he sign his name?' Naoe wondered. People who took hostages didn't usually leave their names behind. It only meant that he wasn't afraid of getting caught. And if they wanted him, it was only to get at Kagetora.

'Sorry kid,' Naoe thought. 'There's just no way I'll ever let them have him. Kagetora is mine, only mine, and I'll stay by him no matter what.'

"What are you going to do, Naoe?" Takaya asked, mildly horrified, as Naoe calmly put the contents of the envelope away.

"Nothing," Naoe stated. "That boy has nothing to do with me. It's not my concern."

"What do you mean not your concern?! He's...you're his ancestor, or something, aren't you? Don't you care at all? How can you be so heartless!" Takaya hollered. Naoe stood, grabbing his lord's arm to get his attention, to make him listen. When he was angry, Takaya's ears only ever heard his own voice.

"Takaya, listen to me. They're only trying to get me away from you. Don't you even realize that much? You are my primary concern, always, and I won't ever put you in danger."

'I understand that, but, even so...' Takaya thought. There had to be some way--

"You just called me Takaya. You never call me that," he said, feeling suddenly vulnerable.

"What are you talking about? I've been calling you Takaya since you woke up." Naoe found himself somewhat amused at this.

Takaya curled his fist into the folds of his shit and looked down. So lost. So confused. "It is what you want to be called, isn't it?" Naoe continued softly, gently lifting his chin to force the teenager to meet his gaze. "What must I do to make you understand that you are my Lord--you, and no one else--your name means nothing to me. It is you that I care about, you that I..."

"Love?" Takaya asked, bringing them back to a long-unfinished conversation.

"Yes. The person I love," he admitted.

"If that's true, Naoe, then whose descendant is that boy? Yours and whose? Is it that woman...Minako?" Takaya pulled away, hugging himself--he wanted so badly to remember, to use his memory to shorten the distance between them, to understand, to forgive whatever needed to be forgiven, and maybe also, in time, to love. Naoe fell silent. He hadn't expected Takaya to divert back to the boy, and especially not to Minako.

"Yes," he admitted finally. "Minako bore a child of mind, to a fashion, but I never met him."

"To a fashion? What does that mean? You always get cryptic when you're hiding something."

"It doesn't mean anything, Takaya," Naoe sighed. "Minako and I conceived a child together, but I was not a part of that boy's life and I shall not interfere with his son's. Just forget about it. It has nothing to do with us anymore."

"How can you say that? Even if it's got no relation to you in that way, can you really just let him die?"

"I can," Naoe replied without hesitation.

"Well, I can't," Takaya retorted. "And if you won't do anything, then I will, and I'll tell him what a heartless bastard you are while I'm at it," he complained, heading for the door. He'd had enough for one day.

It was then that Naoe pulled Takaya to him, back to chest. The two men took a few uncertain moments before Naoe said, "I am not heartless, Takaya--it is that my heart is too full. I am full of you, my lord: blood, brain, body, and soul. Nothing else matters, not even remotely."

"Then for me, save him, Naoe!" Takaya demanded. "Don't get captured, come back, but save him."

"I will...think of something."

"Promise me."

"I promise, my lord."

Takaya surprised him again when he turned to face him again and kissed his cheek awkwardly, feeling foolish. "Then I promise to remember, and also to...try to understand and return your feelings," he said.

"Takaya?"

"I don't know, Naoe, if I can love a man, but I want to try. I want to understand how you feel so..." Takaya paused nervously. "As long as you keep your promise, I will keep mine, and you can--do whatever you want to me. I'll give you permission, so I can see, you know, how it goes."

"Do whatever I want? Takaya, don't be foolish. Have you any idea what you're saying?"

Takaya nodded. "You can kiss me if you want, and also, do other things to me, like...I..." his breathing quickened nervously. He knew what he was saying, but that didn't make it easy. Determined, he forced himself to look into Naoe's eyes. "I'll let you have sex with me, as long as you're careful."

Naoe understood that Takaya had to stomp all over his pride to say that, and his fear as well. It may be true that Naoe would love to give into his bodily urges and simply take the man he had been chasing for five centuries, but also, if there was a remote chance of forgiveness, of love, then he would do everything in his power to attain it. He had waited five-hundred years, patience was a virtue he had no shortage of.

He debated for a moment how to proceed.

Placing his palm to Takaya's cheek, he stroked it soothingly. "I think sex will be a while off yet," he comforted. "If you're certain, then I'll proceed slowly. After five-hundred years, there's no need to rush. I want you to be comfortable with me." Naoe only realized it was true when he said it. Something rushed, a few moments of passion, after so long, it would no longer be enough. "Are you certain, Takaya, my friend? Things will change between us."

"Can you continue to live this way? Because I can't, "Takaya returned.

Naoe smiled softly and tilted Takaya's chin up, bringing their faces close together. Takaya was certain of what was coming and let his eyes fall closed. "Then call me Nobutsuna," Naoe said softly before pulling back. "And stay tonight, just to sleep. I'll find something for you to wear to bed."

He was halfway down the hall before Takaya ran out of the kitchen.

"Naoe...uh Nobutsuna?"

Naoe turned. "What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing of yours will fit me."

Naoe paused thoughtfully. That was true. "I'm sure I have something. Why don't you come take a look," he offered.

'He's trying so hard already. But Naoe, no Nobutsuna, is this really you?'

Silently, Takaya followed. "Do you even own a t-shirt?" Takaya asked as he looked at the tidy row of suits in the closet.

Naoe came out of the bathroom in a pair of blue silk pajamas. "Shelves on the right side," he answered.

As Takaya sifted through old jeans, t-shirts, and even a pair of sweats, he tried to picture Nobutsuna Naoe wearing such garments, and the mental image of the man in baggy jeans, a pair of high tops and a black wife-beater made the younger man start laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

Takaya pulled out a t-shirt advertising 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoats.'

"Technicolor Dreamcoats?" he asked.

"I won it," Naoe protested defensively.

"I'm going to wear it to bed," Takaya decided on impulse.

Endearing. This was a side Kagetora never showed him. He stepped away from the bathroom door to let Takaya in. In only a few minutes, the young man had relaxed immensely. Naoe wasn't certain how to behave. It would be trying to spend a night in the same bed as Takaya, and also comforting. So strange.

He got onto the right side of the bed, where he usually slept, and folded down the left end of the sheets.

Takaya looked into the mirror. 'What's wrong with me? Why does this feel so natural? I should be terrified. I mean, I am a bit scared but...Naoe--Nobutsuna--I trust Nobutsuna. He won't hurt me. And tomorrow, I'll help him find a way to save that poor boy.'

He returned to the bedroom in t-shirt and boxers and crawled into bed. An awkward silence passed between them. Finally, Takaya said, "it's just sleeping, right? No big deal. I've slept in the same bed as Yuzuru lots of times."

"Were you and Yuzuru...?" Naoe felt a twinge of jealousy surge through him.

"No. I was escaping my father. Yuzuru's always been there for me. That's why I want to protect him. I owe him a lot and we promised to always take care of one another. It was a long time ago, but a promise is a promise. So, no, it's not the same as this, not really. But, N-Nobutsuna, I should tell you...I don't know if I'm..."

Naoe rested his hand on Takaya's forearm. "It's enough, Takaya. Tonight is for sleeping. You've done enough for one day," he assured him, lying back to further assure them of his honorable intentions. Just sharing a large bed, nothing more. They didn't even have to touch.

It surprised him again when, after a considerable amount of fidgeting, Takaya leaned in and kissed his temple.

"What was that for?" he asked rolling over onto his side.

"Just a thank you," Takaya said. "When I came here today, I really thought that you were going to do me if I offered. It's not that I'll say no if you want to, but..."

"You aren't ready yet. It's fine, stop worrying and justifying," he pushed the bangs from his lord's face. "I can wait. As long as you don't give yourself to anyone but me. I'm going to make you fall in love with me, but in the meanwhile..."

"In the meanwhile?"

"I'd like to steal a goodnight kiss, if you'll let me."

"I already told you that you can do whatever you want, so kiss me whenever you like."

Carefully, and slowly, to make Takaya as comfortable as possible, Naoe leaned in for a tiny kiss. It was nothing reminiscent of the first kiss--less urgent, without the longing or sustenance, just a brief, warm display of affection, and then it was over.

Takaya had to admit that he liked it, a little, if only to himself. 'That wasn't so bad,' he thought.

"Now rest, Naoe said gently.

Being daring, Takaya rested one hand upon the other man's stomach--just slight contact being kept between them.

"In the morning, we'll figure out how to save Nagi," he said, settling into the pillows.

It took a moment to register. Ah, of course, the boy; he'd promised, after all.

"Of course," he returned. "Goodnight, my friend."

"G'night 'tsuna," Takaya returned groggily, never realizing the sleepy abbreviation.

After he had fallen asleep, Naoe smiled down upon his new and inexperienced lover before closing his eyes to sleep as well.

~**~

Well, I dunno, but I really feel like my Takaya is out of character. He seems very confused and not as angry as he should be. But maybe that's not ooc, just situational. Well, whatever, I'm not really sure. This chapter felt very short too, and it's almost exclusively Takaya and Naoe, as much as we all love them...

I feel like I'm avoiding the plot just for the sake of playing with the characters, but maybe that's good? No, that's terrible. Hah! At some point I'm going to have to remind myself that I have a story to tell!

Anyway, there's still more written in my notebook that needs to be typed, but I really need to get back to work on some original stories, so I'm going to put that off just for a little while. I'll type a chapter again soon, probably next week sometime.