Mirage Of Blaze Fan Fiction ❯ There Is No Such Place ❯ Three ( Chapter 3 )

 

 

Disclaimer: I don't own MoB.

 

Author's Note: This is one of my favorite chapters. Let's see if Naoe can stick to his resolve not to touch Saburou, then…

 

Warnings: Lots of m/m UST ;-)

 

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Three

 

 

No one of our adversaries had lived to tell the tale of the small Uesugi unit progressing into the direction of the main battlefield. My father showed himself very satisfied with how the conflict had been handled. Saburou's sprained ankle was almost the only injury we had taken.

 

“It's not that bad,” he tried to shrug it off when I told him he should have it looked at. The two of us had remained in the barn after everyone else had left for outside to gather our things and prepare for the departure.

 

“Yes, it is,” I argued. “You can hardly stand on that foot. Sit down.” I reached for a bandage from our supplies.

 

“You cannot mean…” he began, flabbergasted for once at the prospect of being patched up by me.

 

“I feel inclined to. You did very well back there,” I explained and patted the trunk next to where I was sitting. “Come.”

 

A flicker of amusement shone in his eyes at my praise. I shot him a suspicious glance. What exactly he found so amusing, I couldn't detect, but my resentment towards him seemed to have flown away under the impression of last night's revelation.

 

As for now, I couldn't help but notice once more the expressiveness of his gaze. The barely suppressed arrogance he showed when speaking to me, the concentrated look he had when explaining Kagetora's plans to us, the mischievous glint he had displayed just a moment ago… And than there was the radiant gaze he had bestowed me with in the midst of the battle that made a person think they would do anything he asked from them. A person of many facets, Saburou was.

 

Having seated himself opposite from me, he winced when I tentatively moved his foot. As it turned out, we had both been wrong: his ankle was neither broken nor sprained. He had simply overstretched his ligaments. A bandage would do.

 

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

 

“I've had worse,” he responded wryly. I didn't doubt it.

 

For a while neither of us spoke as I noosed the bandage around his ankle several times. It occurred to me that I was enjoying myself much too much, kneeling there before him, holding his slender foot in my lap, touching that cool alabaster skin. It made me wonder if the rest of his body was just as ethereal.

 

You're doing it again, I scolded myself, displeased with my lack of self-control. Had I actually learned nothing from the events of the night before? Still, my hands lingered on his skin as if my fingers possessed a will of their own.

 

Determined to break the spell he held over me, I looked up to meet his cool, undoubtedly scornful gaze - only to find that Saburou had closed his eyes. He was leaning his head against the wall behind him. His fine features were as relaxed as I had never seen them. My fingers froze. I held my breath, my heart-beat quickening all of a sudden.

 

Before I could think my actions over I slipped my hand up his leg, my eyes never leaving his face. His lips opened a tiny bit as if in response to what I was doing. His breathing seemed as heavy as mine. Heat pooled in my stomach and I felt the answering stir of my loins.

 

Saburou's eyes fluttered open as if he had suddenly remembered where he was. A fine blush had taken over his features. The expression in his eyes was so different from everything I had seen there before. I realized I was still holding on to him.

 

Awkwardly, I cleared my throat and gestured towards the bandage. “Does this feel too tight?” I asked.

 

He tried moving his foot. “No. It's fine.”

 

“There you are,” I said and let go of him. “Don't strain it too much during the next days and it will be fine.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Our eyes met again. His were soft now, not at all like when he had raised his bow during the fight with the Oda. Suddenly, I experienced an urge to pull him down to where I was and flip him over onto his back so strongly, I was sure some of it was showing on my face.

 

Apparently, I was right in assuming this, but to my surprise Saburou didn't seem frightened or disgusted by this first real revelation of my desire. He just held my gaze, motionless as if waiting for me to close the distance between us.

 

I couldn't have stopped what happened next even if I had tried to.

 

My hands moved as if on their own accord, taking hold of his elbows and pulling him towards me. I felt the slight grip of his fingers on my arms. He felt so pliant in my grasp. A split second before his chest touched mine, though, he backed away from me.

 

“No,” he gasped.

 

I let go of him at once. Cursing myself inwardly, I tried to collect my breath.

 

We were kneeling in front of each other. Saburou cast down his eyes for a moment then lifted them to meet mine again. There was a look of astonishment on his face.

 

“Naoe-dono!” I heard the voice of one of my men and turned my head to seem him standing in the door already. Dammit.

 

“I'm interrupting,” he stated the obvious, a sly hint in his voice.

 

It happened very quickly: Saburou turned his still expressionless face towards him and cast him a glance. The reaction was amazing. All blood left the man's face. Instead of waiting for me to address him, he merely bowed and quickly left.

 

Saburou rose from the ground as well. Without any further word, he headed for the door and stepped outside, though not without turning around once more and holding my gaze for a few more heartbeats. When he had voiced his objection to me, he hadn't even sounded afraid… More as if restraining himself at the last moment.

 

When he was gone, I exhaled sharply. What are you doing? I asked myself. Even if you weren't in the midst of a war, this boy is off-limits. Taboo. Untouchable. He's scarred enough as it is already, the last thing he needs is another old lecher lusting after him. He's better off left alone.

 

Maybe, my treacherous mind supplied. But you know what they say about how to heal this kind of wounds…

 

I shook my head. Impossible.

 

But… it was true that I had hardly been able to look away from him since he had first entered my field of vision. Everybody else just had been quicker to catch on it than I.

 

And he had reacted to me just then.

 

Did Saburou desire me? I knew the answer; I had seen it in his eyes when I had pulled him into my arms. But did he even know what he desired from me and how much of it? Chances were he hadn't even thought that far.

 

Had he ever wanted anyone so far, was he even able to after what had happened to him when he had been a mere child? Did he wish for better memories of his own body?

 

I could do that for him, I found myself thinking. I could make him so happy that he would forget about any pain he was forced to endure.

 

I surely could trust in my abilities. I had been with men and women alike, virgins among them. Although technically, Saburou wasn't a virgin, of course - I had gathered that much from the painful hints he had given me. But I would have to treat him like one if I didn't want him to live with another bad memory.

 

With a barely audible groan I laid my forehead onto my arm. Now listen to me, I thought, trying to make it look like I'm doing him a favor when all I can think about is getting him to open his legs for me.

 

Sympathy and scruples almost made me sick. I felt bad about what had happened to him. I pitied him for having had to go through such an experience at this young age. None of this managed to diminish his appeal to me, however - on the contrary. It was an awful thing to dwell on but I felt glad in a way that he wasn't that perfect after all. It was a chink in his armor that in spite of what I had promised myself the night before only drew me closer to him.

 

Strength and vulnerability - I had underestimated just how seductive this combination could be.

 

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Over the next few days we were watching the scenery for enemy signs and the movements of our own troops alike. A thirst for action was perceptible everywhere around me. But we were dependent on the right moment to pull off the stunt Kagetora-dono had thought up. The Oda didn't show themselves near us for quite a while.

 

I felt Saburou's eyes on me.

 

We hadn't spoken in private ever since that morning. With third parties present, we were civil towards each other if a little taciturn. If we couldn't express our real thoughts when we were alone, how were we supposed to do so in the company of others? We just caught each other's gaze from time to time and whenever it happened I felt a slight jolt go through my entire body. It was a miracle I got anything done that way.

 

On the fourth day of our watch, we could finally detect enemy movement. So far, both armies had only been staring at each other, mentally preparing for something to happen. The Oda were the first to move. They were changing emplacements. My father soundlessly gave a sign to us.

 

In the darkness, we lit fires on the surrounding hills, creating the impression that a fair amount of supply troops of Kenshin-kou's was coming towards the battle field from the opposite direction. As expected, the Oda drew back, heading right into the direction of Kenshin-kou's main force.

 

Only then I realized what Saburou hadn't actually said but what - I was sure - Kagetora-dono had been planning on: When the Oda retreated, the right flank of Kenshin-kou's army broke away from the main force and closed in behind them.

 

By making the Oda believe they would be attacked from two sides at once, we had actually managed to do so.

 

Saburou's young lord sure was a trickster.

 

-

 

By midday we were heading back into the woods. My father decided that we should rest there since we now could only wait for Kenshin-kou's army to find us now. Saburou stole away to the pond almost immediately. I exchanged a few comments with the others about the probable further progress of things on the battle field, before I slipped away as well.

 

It was hard to believe that mere miles away a bloody war was being fought, a war we were actually part of. Arrows flying, men screaming in pain, the ground being soaked with their blood - all of it seemed to happen in a parallel world which had nothing to do with me. I wandered through the woods, completely at peace with myself and everything around me: the bird voices, the hearty smell of the conifers and the soft ground under my feet. Evening fell when I reached the pond.

 

Saburou was in the water, resting his head against a tree root. He had his eyes closed. His fine features were relaxed as if in sleep, but his legs were moving every once in a while. The ripples on the water surface did not much to conceal his naked body from my view. Desire stirred in me as I imagined those slender thighs parting for me. I wanted him; I didn't plan on fighting my weakness any longer.

 

Saburou finally shook me from my reverie by getting out of the water. He seemed lost in thoughts, never once lifting his gaze. I was struck by his beauty as I had never been before. All the plains and slopes of his youthful body were laid bare to my gaze. Keeping silent, I watched him stroking the water droplets from his skin and pulling on his yukata.

 

Only then he noticed me. He didn't return my smile, but his face was serene. I broke away eventually from the tree I had been leaning against and stepped towards him. Saburou, too, took a few steps into my direction until we were standing quite close.

 

The birds had stopped singing, but I hardly noticed. A strange feeling came over me that literally stole the words from my lips. I wasn't actually getting nervous, just experiencing a strange kind of quiet. It was easy all of a sudden to forget what had brought us here. I felt as if there was no war going on, as if there was no other living being on this earth but us. There seemed to be no past and no future. Just us. Just this moment.

 

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