Naruto Fan Fiction / Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ The Never Played Symphonies ❯ Death Becomes Us ( Chapter 34 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

The Never Played Symphonies

Chapter 34:Death Becomes Us

Sasuke slowly took in his surroundings as he regained consciousness. He was lying in a bed, nestled under a blanket. He reached up, eyes slowly creaking open as he felt at the diadem. The bastard...he had put him back on his leash. The gaul after what had happened the last time. Itachi must have been worried he'd try and kill him. He couldn't blame him in that regard, Sasuke fully intended to do just that. He inhaled his anger, the smell of cooking bacon making his mouth water despite himself. Bacon? He turned his head, eyes widening and jumping up with a start as his heart pounded in his chest. He knew where he was...he knew exactly where he was. Itachi's bed…from their childhood. He was in their childhood home in Konoha. What was Itachi playing at coming here? Why would he ever risk such a thing?

Sasuke's hands clenched in the blankets...musty from the years, but the same. ...The blankets he had seen Itachi in that night...with Shisui. His stomach tightened in irrational jealousy, sickened at himself. He rose them to his nose, and god...they still smelled like his brother...even after all these years. It was probably the one room in the compound not to have been covered in slaughter. This was the bed he had slept in countless nights...this was the bed he realized he had impure thoughts about his older brother in. This…

His hardened heart began to crack, inhaling the scent once more as he realized where they were. Fuck Itachi for doing this to him. How dare he come back into this house after he had killed everyone in it. He pushed out of the bed, looking around the familiar room. His fingers shook as he reached out towards Itachi's desk where a picture of the two of them still sat. He traced away the dust on the frame, head tilted as he saw Itachi's smiling face, his small arms were wrapped around his neck as the other held him. ...Happiness in its purest form. Before all the pain.

He looked down at himself, dressed in some of Itachi's old clothes. Back before his brother had refused to wear anything with the insignia of their clan. He turned to the mirror, watching himself. He looked so much like Itachi, even his eyes had turned the same. Mismatched though they might be, they were cold and dead just like his brother's. Why had Itachi done this? Why had he brought him here?

Sasuke padded down the stairs, the smells getting stronger as he came into their old kitchen. His mouth was hanging slightly open at the view of Itachi frying eggs at the stove. His eyes roamed down the loose tshirt to the baggie loose pants. His eyes landed on his ass before he could help himself, his stomach tightening with longing. “Are you making me breakfast?” He asked, the statement sounding foreign on his lips. Itachi didn't turn around, flipping the eggs. He was cooking them the way their mother used to cook them. It had been Sasuke's favorite meal. “Are you not speaking to me then? You help with my revenge and then bring me to this wretched place?” He asked him as Itachi pulled the bacon out with a fork. “Aniki?” He asked him, getting frustrated.

Itachi scooped the food onto a plate. “Go set the table.” He commanded, motioning towards the plates.

Sasuke frowned, he knew that tone. He recognized very clearly when Itachi had his defenses up. Typical Itachi...giving him the cold shoulder when he was the one hurting...when he was the one that had the reason to be mad. Sasuke did as he was told, grabbing all of the plates and drinks for breakfast, setting their spots exactly where they used to be. “This is fucked up beyond belief, you know that, right? You killed our parents in the next room.” He said coldly, knowing Itachi wasn't going to respond anyways. “Should we go dig up their corpses and have a full fledged family dinner?” He asked him, getting more and more irritated as Itachi ignored him. He turned to glower at his brother, stomping over then, arms wrapping around Itachi's thin hips his fingers found the scar on Itachi's hip, nails digging into it.

Sasuke grinned as Itachi pushed back against him. His own body was aching with the touch, tracing the Uchiha fan as Itachi finally looked at him. “Why are we here Itachi?” He asked him, cock stirring against Itachi as their eyes met. He hated it. He hated his treacherous body.

“Unless you're planning on doing something...get your hands off me and go sit at the table.” Itachi commanded, voice that same cold indifference. No, not indifference...rejection.

“And just what is it you want me to do?” Sasuke asked him. “You want to have sex with me?” The idea turned his stomach in revulsion. He was ruined. His body, which was once the only thing he had to offer Itachi was a hollowed out version of itself. It was defiled...scarred...repulsive.

Itachi knitted his eyebrows as he watched Sasuke. “What repulses you about that, Otouto?” He asked, sounding curious. “Sex with me?”

“Obviously not Itachi.” Sasuke snapped back, finger pressing into the scar as his arms tightened around his brother.

“Sex in general then?” He asked. “What's happening in that head of yours? What lies are you telling yourself now my lo…” He stopped himself, frowning at the slip. “My little brother.”

Sasuke pulled away, frowning at the way Itachi stopped himself. “You're the one that lies `my love'” He stressed the last two words, saying what Itachi never could.

“Your breakfast is getting cold.” Itachi murmured, going to push passed Sasuke to get to the table. Sasuke stepped in front of him to prevent it.

“No. You don't get to do this. We aren't having breakfast in our dead parents home like we're a family!” He snapped.

“We are a family Sasuke.” Itachi assured him, grabbing his chin. “You're my family...not just blood. I almost lost you...but you're alive. You're hurt, but you're alive. You killed them. It's over...you're not dirty to me now. You're not defiled...you're the only person I've ever loved.” He said to him, not seeming to notice the tears streaming down Sasuke's face. He had said it...finally...after so long.

“Itachi…” Sasuke whispered, eyes wide as he scanned his brother's face.

“You're here because I cannot stand seeing your pain any longer.” Itachi told him. “I've hurt you in so many ways, and what you've become is never what I intended for you. I took you selfishly. I took you into the Akatsuki because I wanted you so much. I should have let you hate me...but I forced you to love me in the same way I loved you. My suffering was never supposed to be passed to you. You were never supposed to know any of my pain.”

“I love you…” Sasuke whispered, his own words sounding meaningless in the weight of Itachi's confession.

“I know.” Itachi assured him, leaning in to kiss his forehead. “You have no idea how much I wish you didn't.” Sasuke shivered at that, at the feel of those lips. “You can love again...Someone good.”

“You're good.” Sasuke whispered, looking into those dark eyes. “Why are we here Itachi?” He asked him, dreading the answer.

“I wanted to see you sleeping in my bed just once...I wanted to wake up with you in this house...to see what could have been.” He kissed Sasuke then, and he realized Itachi was shaking. “I wanted to have one normal day for you...to prove myself.” He shrugged. “Not that it matters now.”

“Why doesn't it matter?” Sasuke asked, sounding so much younger than he was. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. “Itachi...niisan…” He pressed his hands to Itachi's chest. “Why doesn't it matter?”

“Because you're staying here Sasuke. Back to the village. I've arranged everything with those that know. You won't be harmed.” Itachi smiled at him and he thought he might die right there from heartbreak.

“I'm not.” He assured him. “I won't. They wouldn't have me.” He said. “And I wouldn't...I hate them. They ruined our lives!” He stressed. “Why would we stay here!?”

“Not we Otouto.” Itachi murmured. “This is the end of us. You're staying here.” Sasuke shook his head in a stark reply, but Itachi continued. “You said yourself that you were over this. Seeing you the way I did...I understand your decision. I've always been here for your hate.”

“And love?” Sasuke asked, voice quivering.

“I don't want your love anymore Sasuke. I told you...you'll love again. In truth, you already do, don't you?”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, wiping at his eyes. “Itachi stop...just stop okay? I'm sorry I was an asshole. I don't need your lessons...I don't need your punishments. What you're saying is breaking my heart so stop.” He begged, fisting his hands in his shirt, leaning down to sob into his chest.

Itachi wrapped his arms around Sasuke, comforting him as he kissed the top of his head. “You have no idea how much I'll miss you. My light.” He sighed, pulling Sasuke back. “Let's get this over with...I'm going to change your mind, just like that.” He teased him, tilting his chin up again and Sasuke could hardly see through his blurry eyes. “I lied to you. I was selfish and chose to lie...to rip your heart from him because I wanted you. I hated what I saw every time I looked into your head.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, hands tightening in that shirt. “Tachi...just stop...whatever it is I don't want to know. Just don't say it…” He begged him.

“Naruto's still alive.” Itachi held him to stop his knees from giving out under him. “When you were passed out I brought him back to the Village. Tsunade healed him. He's just a normal shinobi now...with you having the Kyuubi.” Itachi murmured. “I wanted to kill him, however, I knew they'd never let us come back if I did. I hid it from you because I knew you'd go to him.”

Sasuke stared up in shock, Itachi finally giving in and sinking to his knees, holding Sasuke on top of him as he processed. He couldn't...it was too much. Naruto was alive? He was...here...Itachi was leaving him?

“Do you hate me now Otouto?” Itachi asked him, rubbing his back. “It's okay if you do….I deserve it. What happened with Orochimaru and Kabuto was unforgivable. I allowed them to hurt you in ways I can never make up...my baby brother.” Itachi kissed Sasuke's wet cheek. “Don't cry okay? I hate you when you cry.”

“Tachi…” Sasuke managed, not knowing what he was feeling as he turned his face, wetly connecting their mouths. He desperately kissed him, sobbing into his mouth as his legs tightened on those narrow hips. “Don't go...I don't...I don't want him. I want you. I don't care...I'll take the pain. I'll always take the pain.”

“You're staying.” Itachi assured him as they kissed. “I know you don't want to right now, but you have to..” He was quieted with more kisses, and Sasuke tried harder when he felt Itachi hesitantly start to kiss back.

“You can't make me.” He told him, heart pounding. “You can't force me to leave you.” His hands dug towards Itachi's pants, earning a look of surprise as his hand went into his pocket, finding what he wanted as he pulled the ring out. He slipped it desperately onto his finger. “I'm sorry I took it off.” He begged forgiveness. “I was so mad at you. I didn't mean it.” He kissed him again, laying their foreheads together. “I'm back...I won't be an asshole anymore...I know you hate it.”

“Ssshhh…” Itachi whispered to calm him. “Sasuke breathe...you're going to have a panic attack.” He rubbed his back to calm him. “It's going to be okay...I promise you I'm not worth all of these tears.”

Sasuke shook his head more. “I don't accept this Itachi! You can't just make this decision for us! Not when you still want me.” His chest heaved when Itachi grabbed his hand, kissing the ring almost reverently.

“I still want you.” Itachi said, sounding wounded. “But this is what's best for you. Allow me to not be selfish with you any longer.”

“No.” Sasuke said stubbornly. “No…” He cupped Itachi's cheek. “We're going to take over the world together...we're going to make a new Akatsuki and destroy everyone who has ever hurt us. We're going to kill Obito and restart our clan.” He laughed a little desperately. “I'll find some way to give you kids...it's our life...you're my family.”

“Sasuke I'm dying.” Itachi murmured, staring directly into Sasuke's overflowing eyes. I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be us as long as possible.” He told him, Sasuke's eyes widened to saucers. “I'm sick....I've been repressing it with medicine for the last year. I've been trying to cure myself. I made these plans so you could choose what you wanted when I was gone, but it got you hurt. It got you unforgivably hurt, so I'm making the decision for you. You're going back to the village...to Naruto...it's going to be okay.”

“You can't just say something like that to me and then tell me it is all going to be okay!” Sasuke screamed at him, slapping Itachi hard. “You bastard! You're not dying! Do you really think I'd let you die!?” He yelled. “Your chest?” He asked, because Itachi coughed sometimes...he had ever since. “Oh my god…” Sasuke pushed off Itachi's lap, scrambling on all fours to try to get outside. He never made it, wretching his stomach contents all over the exact spot where his parents were slain. “No...no…” He threw up again. Itachi had been coughing...he hadn't been 100% ever since Sasuke had fried him when he saw him with Sai. He'd been sick ever since. “Oh god…” Sasuke said, gagging on bile.

“Don't do that to yourself.” Itachi said from behind him, helping him up and pulling him back against him. “You couldn't have known...it's not your fault.”

“It is my fault…” He managed to get out, shock after shock taking their toll on his body as his legs shook. “We can fix it.” He said, going to rip at his face as Itachi grabbed his hand.

“No Otouto...no more eye swapping.” He said placatingly. “It's fine. You have no idea how tired I am. It's not right away you know...I have a few more months in me...if I push it another year. Enough time to set things up for you. To make sure Obito can't hurt you.”

“Shut up Itachi!” Sasuke screamed at him. “Shut your lying mouth! I don't believe you!” He screamed, pounding on his chest. “A year!? A year!? You're lying to me!”

“I'm not Sasuke...it's better for us if we stop.” He assured him. “There's no happy ending...there never was one. There's only more pain...more suffering if we're together.”

“Life is pain.” Sasuke assured him. “And don't think for one second that if that is true that I would ever let you die alone...you who has sacrificed everything for everyone else.” He tore at Itachi's hair. “If the one thing you've ever taken in your life for yourself is me...then you can have me!”

“Sasuke…” Itachi whispered, and he just looked so sad...so tired. “You should stay. This is your home.”

“This is our home!” Sasuke snapped. “It's ours...you and me...to the end.” He yanked him close. “You are not going to leave me Itachi. You won't...no matter how much we hurt and how much we want to give up...you will not leave me!”

Itachi frowned at him, obviously thinking. Sasuke tightened around him as he tried to shove him off. “This is madness...this thing between us.”

“I don't care.” Sasuke assured him, slapping Itachi again hard. “And fuck you for trying to push me off on Naruto. Fuck you for thinking I could love someone else, especially someone who hurt me like that!” He tried to slap again for good measure, but Itachi caught his wrist.

“Don't hit me again.” He assured him. “Such things you say Sasuke...two hours ago you couldn't stand my guts.” He growled. “You put on the ring...and what...what does it mean to you?”

“You know what it means.” Sasuke snapped, feeling like their roles had been reversed. “Do you want a ring Itachi? Will that make til death do us part?”

“That's not very long then.” Itachi said, and held fast onto Sasuke's wrist as the other tried to hit him again. “I'd rather have you forever...death shouldn't stop it.”

“It won't.” Sasuke assured him. “Because I'm not going to let you die. I'll conquer death for you. I promise.” He collapsed forward to lay against Itachi, exhausted from the ordeal, but not fearing Itachi leaving. “I'll get you a ring...and I'll save you.” He looked up to stare into Itachi's eyes. “Thank you for making me breakfast...but I reject your martyrdom. I'll let you take me to bed though...if you change the sheets.”

Itachi rose an eyebrow. “Not fresh enough for you Otouto?” He asked in amusement, wiping at Sasuke's tear stained cheeks.

“They smell like you and Shisui...it drove me insane this morning.” He said tiredly. “You should fuck me in my bed instead.” He murmured, and Itachi made a face. “What?” He said, self consciousness eating at him, but not knowing he could deal with another fight.

“Your bed...You were so young.” Itachi tried to explain, and Sasuke burst into laughter in his arms, actually snorting as he shook with laughter.

“You're having moral hangups now?” He asked him. “We're in our dead parents house...which you killed...talking about fucking in the sheets you screwed our cousin in...and your moral compass is telling you that us fucking in my bed is where you draw the line?” He actually guffawed he was laughing so hard.

Itachi kissed the top of his head as he laughed. “I'm glad I've finally driven you to the point of losing your mind.”

Sasuke looked up, and with a smile still on his face managed to say. “If you die on me...I'll be right after you. I'll kill myself before ever having to live without you.”

Itachi shook his head, sighing as he kissed Sasuke's forehead. “My stubborn Otouto…” He pet his spikes. “What am I going to do with you?”

“You're stuck with me.” Sasuke murmured, arms wrapped around Itachi's hips, dragging up his shirt to be able to lean over and kiss the scar. “We'll fix this Itachi....We'll fix all of this.”

“So much optimism for our cursed lives.” Itachi teased him, leaning down to kiss him. He reacted then, scooping his arms under Sasuke's knees and lifting him up. He kissed him all the way up the stairs, tossing Sasuke onto his bed.

Sasuke grunted as he landed on the unkempt bed, he glared as he looked up at Itachi. “This is your bed.” He accused.

Itachi jumped on top of him, spreading Sasuke's legs to crawl between them. “Such an astute observation Otouto…” He mocked him, kissing down Sasuke's neck. Sasuke struggled with himself, panic, nervousness, and anger all warring inside him. He settled with anger.

“I told you not in this bed Itachi!” He snapped, sitting up with Itachi still between his legs. “I don't want to be in yours and Shisui's love nest.” He grumbled, pushing up on him as Itachi grinned lecherously. “Itachi don't look at me that…” He was never allowed to continue as Itachi shut him up with his mouth.

“You liked Shisui…” Itachi murmured as he kissed all over his neck. “I'll change the sheets after you cum all over them.” He promised him.

Sasuke was not amused, shoving him away. “I said no Itachi...I don't want our first time to be with that smell! This is hard for me you asshole!” He was only offering himself up to get Itachi to stay, the thought of having sex made him want to curl up and die in a corner still. Not that he didn't love Itachi's touches...but what if he was bad? What if he was ruined? What if Itachi compared him to Shisui the entire time? “Do you still want him? Is that your problem!?” He ended with, not knowing how he had gotten here but running with it now. “Have some fond memories?” He hissed.

Itachi let his forehead fall to Sasuke's chest, inhaling for a few moments before he looked up. “Excuse me?” He asked. “You think I'm comparing you to Shisui? That's what you're on now? We had that fight downstairs...I told you I was sick...you're recovering from what happened, and you're mad that the sheets smell?”

“I'm not ready!” Sasuke yelled truthfully, and Itachi was off of him before he could blink. He grabbed for him, but his brother evaded his touch. “Come back…” What if he left still...what if didn't give him this and he actually was sick? “I'm ready...come back.”

“I'm going to go try to find some different sheets.” Itachi said softly, leaving the room. Sasuke cursed himself as soon as he did, curling his knees up as he waited for Itachi. He thought he had been ready before. With everything that had happened, he thought it wouldn't be a problem. He could give this to Itachi.

He stood up, stripping the sheets and throwing them to the side of the room, once more focusing on the picture of them on Itachi's desk. ...They loved each other. How long had they loved each other? How much longer did they still have? Was he really sick? Was he really dying? He started to panic, emotions full force as he realized everything Itachi had told him. “Itachi I'm fine…” He said, not being fine at all.

He went to look for him, heading towards the other rooms. “Look I'm sorry...It wasn't you.” He murmured, trying to find him. “I'm ready...we just have to go slow, alright? Then we can talk about everything.” Which is something Itachi never liked doing. “Tachi?” He called, looking around. Panic suddenly overwhelmed him as he began searching their house, running from room to room. No. No. “Aniki!?” He screamed, pausing in front of the open door. “Aniki!?” He screamed after him, running out of the door and into the village, even though he already knew nothing would come from it. ...Itachi had left. He had left just like he said he was going to. ...He had left Sasuke all alone.

,,,,,,,,,,,,

Sasuke had stayed there for three days watching the eggs and bacon Itachi had made him slowly rot and start to stink. He had waited for him to come back, knowing full well he wouldn't. It had been Itachi's intention all along to leave him here. Sasuke had almost won him back, but then he had went and fucked that up. Itachi had only ever cared about sex with him, and when denied it wasn't a wonder he was gone. What reason could he possibly have to stay? He was maudlin with his thoughts, left in this sickening state of feeling from their encounter, from their confessions, and now he couldn't force himself back in the box. The chakra helped...the Kyuubi and Orochimaru's, without it (he still couldn't believe Itachi had the gaul to do this to him again) he was just left with his own head, his own pain. ...He was so alone.

He never realized how much he came to rely on Itachi. For the three years since he had left the village, and even before that, Itachi was his one constant. He was his sun. His sun...always too bright to look at. Everything Itachi had ever done had somehow had him in mind, and he couldn't even give him this one thing. Not only that, he had hurt him. He had hurt him so bad that Itachi himself thought he was dying. As if Sasuke would ever allow that to happen. He'd slaughter the world as a sacrifice if it meant saving his brother from his fate. If came the moment in time he passed, Sasuke would rip him from the grave to be with him. They were one, two sides of a coin. He wore Itachi's soul on his finger, and Itachi bathed in his own because Sasuke didn't have a soul without him.

He swam in the darkness of his thoughts, picking himself up and dragging himself up the stairs and into the bed he had let ruin everything. He curled into the blankets, smelling the spicy faint smell of Itachi. He missed him. He needed him. He couldn't do this without him, not with the scars all over his body and all of this pain. He couldn't be strong without his chakra...couldn't be good without Itachi. He was so tired of being weak.

In the morning he woke up curled in a fetal position, wrapped up in blankets, still clothed in his brother's old uniforms. He dragged himself out of the bed, managing to bathe himself, moving mechanically in his depression. Damn Itachi. He always did this to him. He made him feel, and then he left him to pick up the pieces of his shattered existence. He was pathetic. He scrubbed at his skin, running the sponge down his thighs and seeing the scars from the pokers. Hideous. That's why Itachi had really left. He touched his forehead, hating his brother for leaving it on...for leaving him to feel this.

Itachi had done it purposely. He had left him weak and wanting. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave Konoha defenseless. Hell, they would probably kill him as it was. He hoped it was soon. God he was annoying even himself. He was trapped here until his brother deemed him punished enough. He should just starve himself...Itachi would feel bad when he came back to an emaciated corpse.

He got dressed, sheathing his sword behind his back. At least Itachi had been thoughtful enough to leave him with that. He refused to look at himself in the mirror, but his masochistic tendencies had come into play and he glanced towards the window, seeing his reflection. He had felt so haggard, but he actually looked young...younger than he had in years. His eyes were so full of pain, open and doey as he blinked. Good...it would serve his purposes then. It would make this easier. Only Itachi had ever accepted the true dark within him and kissed him anyways. Though, judging from past events, he supposed `he' would have to as well.

Sasuke crawled up the familiar balcony, knowing exactly where to plant his feet even if he wasn't a shinobi. He still lived in the same apartment, apparently death didn't change that much in your life. The smell of ramen permeated the room as he slipped in, unsheathing his sword slowly as he made his way to the kitchen. His mismatched eyes scanned the outline of the blond, tilting his head. “I don't need my sharingan to realize that's a shadow clone cooking Dobe.”

Naruto appeared behind him, kunai shoving into his spine. He let it happen...he could get out if he needed to. If he couldn't...he supposed it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. “Sasuke…” He sounded nervous, a choked tone in his voice. “What are you doing here? How are you here?”

“Not happy to see me?” Sasuke chided. “And here I thought you liked me...or is that only when my pants are down?”

Naruto shoved him away hard, and he stumbled towards the stove. His first time had been on a stove...in an apartment just like this. “Shut up Sasuke! That wasn't me...that was the Kyuubi.”

“Funny…” Sasuke mused to himself, turning around with accusation in his eyes. “I have the Kyuubi inside of me now, and I've never fucked anyone senseless.” It wasn't rape...he had controlled the situation, that was all. Just like with Orochimaru. “Don't give me that look Dobe...I don't care. It was good in its own way.”

The blond's nose curled up at that. “Sasuke...don't talk that way.” He said desperately. “I'm sorry...you have no idea how sorry I am.”

“Don't worry about it.” Sasuke assured him. “I've had worse. Honestly, compared to them you were almost gentle.” He walked over, grabbing Naruto's hand, kissing it playfully. “I missed you.”

“Meaning you need my help.” Naruto murmured, but he looked so grateful for the forgiveness that he didn't yank away.

“You know me so well.” Sasuke teased.

“I thought I did...before I found out about Itachi.” Naruto said, uncomfortable at even the mention of the name.

“Ah Itachi…” Sasuke said bitterly. “Don't worry about it...he left me too.” He sank down on the dining room table, legs too weak to hold him anymore. “I'm free...isn't it great?” He mocked. “Aren't I brimming with normalcy and happiness?”

“Stop being an asshole.” Naruto frowned. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“So so many things...I can't even name them all.” He looked up, making his face stretch into a grin. “But I'm yours now...He bequethed me to you. Congratulations.”

“I feel like I've won such a gift.” Naruto mocked back as he watched him. “Have you been drinking?”

“Sadly no...I got to this mood all on my own.” He tilted his head. “Why? Do you have any?” He mocked.

“I'm sure I can find something.” Naruto murmured, eyes never leaving Sasuke. “What's wrong with you? Is this because of me?”

Sasuke stared at him curiously. “And why would this be because of you Naruto?” He asked him. “Because of the sex? You got worst out of the deal than I did I suspect...I got your power.”

“You got my curse.” Naruto corrected.

“Yeah...I've never felt that way.” Sasuke murmured, accepting the beer Naruto handed him. “You trying to get me sauced?”

“It was how we first got together.” Naruto reminded him. “Don't you remember?”

“Of course I remember.” Sasuke assured him, grabbing the front of Naruto's shirt to yank him between his legs. “Itachi left me because I wouldn't let him fuck me...Do you want the honors?”

Naruto stared at him wordlessly, handing Sasuke another beer as he drained the first one. “Don't say stuff like that.”

“Why?” Sasuke asked, tilting his head back. “Do you not want that? Because I recall you wanting it so much you just took it.”

“That wasn't me.” Naruto denied.

“Funny...I've had the kyuubi in me for months and I've never fucked someone against their will.” Sasuke pulled him closer, hand traveling underneath his shirt. “In fact...I've never fucked anyone at all.”

“Itachi never let you top?” Naruto asked bitterly, and Sasuke felt him shudder underneath his palms.

“No...not dear Aniki.” Sasuke murmured, leaning in to mouth along Naruto's abs. “He'd never give up the control.” Naruto still tasted like innocence, and inhaled shakily when Sasuke thrust his tongue into his belly button. Whatever it took, right? If Itachi was watching he'd interfere...if he wasn't...well…

“Don't do that if you don't mean it.” Naruto husked, and Sasuke could see the hardness in his shorts. It was what Itachi said to him all the time...they acted like he was such a tease.

“What makes you think I don't mean it?” Sasuke asked him, yanking Naruto onto his lap. He cupped his ass, feeling nothing but revulsion for this man who had taken away his innocence. His happiness. Hadn't he been good in the Akatsuki? Hadn't he been happy with Itachi? “Did you ever think I was meant to be with you instead?”

“Every day of my life.” Naruto whispered, cupping Sasuke's cheeks. “I don't want you like this...so broken.” He touched his forehead, fingers sliding over the diadem. “What is this?”

“It keeps the Kyuubi in...and me powerless.” Sasuke informed him. “He left it on me because he doesn't want me to leave the village to look for him.” He didn't know why he was being so honest. What did it even matter anyways?

“You really love him, don't you?” Naruto asked, disappointment and sadness in his voice. “Only him.”

“Only ever him.” Sasuke agreed, leaning in to kiss Naruto's wrist. “But I fucked it up...I always do.”

“Back to feeling sorry for yourself I see.” Naruto grumbled, but didn't get off of him. It was almost like he couldn't.

“Forever feeling sorry for myself.” Sasuke agreed, kissing Naruto's cheek. “Do you want to keep me?” He asked, drawing his face close. He kissed him, not even feeling an ounce of the emotion he had for Itachi back in their house. He made it believable though. He had always known how to do that. He was good at that. You only ever got one great love in your life, right? He had used his. His great love would be rotting in the ground soon. He lifted Naruto up before he lost the nerve, carrying him towards the bed and throwing him onto it. If Itachi was watching he'd stop it. If Itachi really loved him he'd intervene.

He didn't.

Sasuke lay on the bed next to Naruto as the blond snored, curled up against him. He didn't know what the whole fuss was actually. He didn't like it that much. Too much work, and you didn't feel it...like you were so full you would burst...like someone was claiming you...taking you. Maybe it was because he had been spoiled by Itachi, but he didn't like sex with Naruto...or anyone else for the matter. He had to fake an orgasm with the blond, rolling off of him and hoping he didn't notice. He didn't....it was all for the best anyways. He had found out he didn't like it. He had found out Itachi didn't give two fucks about him anymore.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The days went by in a blur. He buried himself in Naruto, letting the other protect him. He let everything go past his head. The trial...the deaths being put on his head. Naruto defended him...of course he did. But he `had' killed Hinata. He had been responsible for Shikamaru and Sakura's deaths. Hell, he had thought he had been responsible for Naruto. Truthfully, he didn't know why they didn't just kill him. Naruto would tell him it wasn't his fault. He would defend him to the council...to Tsunade. She had been the most difficult to convince. Well, he supposed that wasn't true.

“Kakashi.” Sasuke greeted, glancing down towards his and Naruto's combined hands. He had insisted on doing this, as if Sasuke holding his hand would draw him closer...bring him out of the darkness. Sasuke looked up from their hands to Kakashi's bandaged face. “You know I have a very good friend who has a scope...could set you up with one of those.”

He hadn't been expecting the punch, but he wasn't all that surprised to grab his face as it gushed blood. ...At least he wasn't holding hands with Naruto anymore. “How dare you show your face back in the village, and act like you're innocent. I saw you and Itachi together. I saw exactly who are Sasuke.”

Sasuke grinned, blood running over his mouth to splash on his teeth. The iron taste of it was the first thing he had eaten in days. “Forgive me sensei, I just missed him is all.” He pretended not to see the sad look on Naruto's face.

“You're psychotic, just like your brother.” Kakashi assured him.

“My brother isn't psychotic. He's calculated everything he's ever done, and it has always been in my interest...or his own. Sometimes it's the same.” He wiped at his nose. “It was personal with you.”

“What have I ever done to you Sasuke to make it personal?” He asked him, handing over a handkerchief.

“Not you...someone from your past.” Sasuke assured him. “Obito Uchiha...the bane of my existence.” He said softly, watching both Naruto and Kakashi's look of shock.

“Obito is dead Sasuke.” Kakashi said, a thin veil of fury beneath his voice.

“He really isn't.” Sasuke murmured. “Just pretending to be. I've seen him plenty of times. He's screwed me over plenty of times. He's the leader of the Akatsuki.”

“You're lying!” Kakashi snapped. “You're a hateful boy now Sasuke, and you're lying.” The pain in his voice was raw, aching. He wondered if that's what he sounded like when he talked about Itachi.

“I'm not.” Sasuke promised him. “We were going to kill him, but then Itachi put me here.” He said bitterly. “I have no doubt he's planning to do the deed himself. He can't though, not without me.”

“Not without the thing inside of you.” Naruto corrected, eyeing Sasuke hatefully. He was used to that look, but that didn't mean Naruto didn't love him. In fact, when he gave him that look it made the sex even faster...he liked that. He mused to himself how he had ever thought Itachi would be the only one to touch him. Such innocent thoughts...and look at him now.

“The one in the orange mask...Tobi.” Sasuke said, the name full of harsh bitterness. “That thing with the cabin...that was Itachi's joke. He's very funny, that brother of mine.”

“He seems just a bucket of laughs.” Kakashi murmured darkly, shock still stung on his face. “How do I know you're not lying?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Take me on my word I suppose...whatever that means.” He heard Naruto's bitter laughter, and sighed when he was pulled close.

“I hate seeing him like this.” Naruto whispered, as if Sasuke wouldn't hear as he was half against the blond's chest. “He won't eat...he won't sleep...please don't hate him. Whatever he's been through, it's enough. His scars…”

“What about my scars?” Sasuke asked, turning to look up at Naruto. When had he gotten taller? “Don't you think I'm beautiful?” He mocked darkly. “I can keep my clothes on from now on if you prefer.” He yanked out of those arms, feeling self conscious. He felt all the pain again, every scar Kabuto had given him.

“Sasuke I didn't mean it like that!” Naruto called to him, but Sasuke was already running. It was the most he had exerted himself in days. Except maybe the sex...but that didn't count. That was more a punishment with orgasms than exercise. He'd have to tell Itachi if he ever saw him again that he really wasn't a sex addict...he just liked sex with him.

He ran until his lungs ached, ending up on top of the cliffs...the one with his namesake. Madara Uchiha...the bastard. He was the one that started this all. This curse of their clan. This curse of brothers. He had often wondered as Itachi told them the story of their family if it had been the same between Madara and his brother. Had they had an infatuation? Had they been destined for agony the second they laid sharingan eyes on each other?

He knew Naruto wouldn't be far behind him...and the ANBU, they were always following. He didn't have much time. Not much time at all to end this miserable existence. He stood on Madara's head, staring deep down into the water below. It would kill him. Instantly probably. It would finally be quiet...no more pain...no more anguish. No more missing the one thing he had ever wanted in this world. Would Itachi miss him? Did he miss him now? Was he just a rotting corpse in the ground already? ...Would they see each other in Hell? Would it hurt there?

Sasuke leaned forward, just feeling the mist on his face and the wind in his spikes before he was yanked back. He sobbed in defeat at his missed chance. He knew the arms, but they weren't the ones he wanted. “Why?” He asked, struggling to try to get out of the strong arms. “Let go! I said let go!”

“Sparky...calm down.” Deidara said, worried. Hearing the affirmation of the voice just made Sasuke struggle harder.

“He would have let me die! He always fails! He'd rather be stubborn than save me.” He fell back, exhausted from lack of sleep and food. “He would have let me die.”

“I won't let you die idiot.” Deidara assured him. “Having to watch you these last couple days has been punishment enough, yeah? You're such a slut.”

Sasuke smiled bitterly beside himself, leaning more into those arms. “Watching me have sex again? I shouldn't be surprised...pervert.” He tried to sound like his old self, but his voice was dead.

“Itachi, the bastard, made me watch you.” Deidara informed him. “He told me to step in if things got too bad...I would have to say you jumping off a cliff is a little bad, yeah?”

“Just shove me off. Or better yet some of your art...let me go out with a bang.” He said, depressed and dead inside.

“Shut up Sasuke.” Deidara said, disgusted. “You know you're better off without him, right?” He asked, but he didn't even sound like he believed it. After all, who could say Sasuke was better off. “Why'd you go and sleep with the Kyuubi though?” He said, distressed. “You know how pissed he's going to be.”

“He doesn't care.” Sasuke said miserably, knowing how bad he was whining.

“For fuck's sake, is this what Itachi puts up with from you?” He asked. “No way this is worth the sex.” He held Sasuke tight as the other struggled to get away. “Sasori-danna is worried about you. He doesn't think you can handle this. ...But we can keep this just between us if you promise not to try it again, yeah?”

“Why in the fuck do you care?” Sasuke bit out, elbowing Deidara hard in the stomach. “It's nothing to you...just another dead Uchiha.”

“Stop being a drama queen.” Deidara murmured, holding him tight. “It's going to be fine. Itachi will see sense and realize he's miserable without you.” Dying without him. Alone.

“He isn't.” Sasuke denied, hysterical and exhausted, his ribs jutting under Deidara's palms. “He left me because he wanted to. He put this thing on my head!”

Deidara dragged Sasuke away from the cliff, not caring about his protests.”Listen. Itachi is a miserable wretch. He's even more of an asshole than normal...and he doesn't even know about the sex, and god forbid he finds out about what you almost just did.”

“He told me to go be with Naruto. He told me too.” He got away, crawling on the grass as he turned to Deidara. “Naruto loves me.”

“Shut up Sasuke.” Deidara said again, exasperated. “How hard is it going to be to get you out of this village?” Sasuke shrugged in reply, causing Deidara to scowl. “I hate this personality of yours...I even prefer the asshole to this, yeah?”

“Who cares what you prefer?” Sasuke asked from the ground, fingers digging into the earth. “Are you going to take me to Itachi?”

“God you're like a broken record kid…” Deidara grumbled. “No I'm not. He'd kill me if I did.”

Sasuke clenched his fist around the dirt, nails beyond dirty. He looked up, chest heaving with despair as he saw Naruto. No...don't come close...don't touch him anymore. “Hey Dobe…” Sasuke said. “You really shouldn't be here.”

Naruto's face tightened into a scowl, chakra coming to his fist. “Get away from him you Akatsuki scum. Think I don't recognize you?”

“I'm not sure I give two fucks if you recognize me, yeah?” Deidara said offhandedly. “Tell me failure of a Jinchuriki, do you sleep like a baby at night after Sasuke sucks your cock? Do you look him in his dead eyes as he's fucking you and think it's love?”

“Leave him alone Dei...he's my protector.” He said sarcastically, because Deidara got him to his core.

“Such a protector.” Deidara agreed, finger under his chin as he examined Naruto's angry face. “What? You want to fight now, yeah? You think that's a good idea with him the way he is? He looks like he's ready to keel over.”

Sasuke tuned them out as they started yelling. He didn't care. Why the hell were they both defending him anyways? What was even the point? He didn't deserve their pity, and he definitely didn't deserve their compassion. He hated them both. He hated everyone. He needed Itachi like the breath in his lungs. His soul was aching, and he could feel Itachi's ache as well. He drew his hand to his chest, keeping the ring close to his heart. Oh...oh he got it now. He kissed the ring on his finger, hoping Itachi felt it. He knew why he couldn't shake this off, why it felt like his soul was dying...this overwhelming sadness. It wasn't his, not all of it anyways. “Aniki…” He whispered, aching for the pain his brother was experiencing, because he was definitely feeling Itachi's emotions. The ring...Itachi had been with him the whole time, hadn't he?

Without thinking about it, Sasuke took their distraction as a time, running towards the cliff and leaping, diving down into the water. He flew free through the air, feeling peace instead of fear. He felt it until his hands hit the water.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Sasuke moved through the graveyard, ash everywhere as he walked. His sandals made footprints in it, the sky was grey with them, and it snowed down onto his spikes. He moved through the ashy wasteland, hands skittering over the gravestones as he passed. All Uchiha. Every member of his family....decayed down to a skeleton by now. His eyes landed on one of the tombstones, not surprised with the name, or with the person sitting in front of it.

“Is this your grave?” He asked, sinking down to crawl close to Itachi. “It has your name on it.”

“It must be mine then.” Itachi murmured, looking up at him finally.

“Does that mean you're really dying then?” Sasuke asked, reaching out to stroke his ringed finger down Itachi's face.

“No.” Itachi murmured. “But that doesn't mean I won't some day die. What does that leave you with Sasuke? Is this what you are without me?”

“I'm nothing without you.” Sasuke assured him.

“Just a broken corpse.” Itachi agreed.

“Will I have a plot in the cemetery...maybe one beside you?” He asked sadly, fingers playing with Itachi's hair.

“If you wish it.” Itachi murmured, looking into his eyes. “What did you do Otouto?” He asked him. “Your mind should be blocked to mine.”

“I figured you out.” Sasuke assured him. “I know you.”

“You don't know me.” Itachi murmured, sadness beyond words encasing him. His poor Aniki.

“Show me.” Sasuke begged of him. “Let me know your secrets.”

“You know my biggest one.” Itachi assured him.

“Our love has never been a secret.” Sasuke argued.

“No.” Itachi mused. “I suppose it hasn't been.” Sasuke crawled into Itachi's arms, sighing as he was welcome in and his spikes pet. “You're in trouble again, aren't you?”

“Always Aniki.” Sasuke reminded him, the scene drifting away from them and into another time.

Sasuke walked towards the river, hearing the sound of sobbing, that pain not unfamiliar to him. He recognized this river, it was close to their village. He hid behind a tree, head tilting as he saw a much younger Itachi with his head in his knees, his shoulders shaking with his tears. He wanted to comfort him, but he was interrupted before he did.

“Itachi Uchiha...the cursed boy of Konoha.” Said a familiar voice, and Sasuke glared as he saw the familiar figure of Obito Uchiha step towards his brother. “Have you decided what you're going to do?”

Itachi looked up, wiping angrily at his face. Sasuke had seen that own look on his own face plenty of times to recognize it exactly for what it was. Shame at getting caught in weakness. He never thought Itachi felt pain. “The Elders gave me a choice...exterminate the clan, or they would do it. All of the clan.”

“Even your little brother.” Obito mused sadly. “What a pity. Such innocence in that boy...if only he knew what he was doing to you.”

“Bite your tongue!” Itachi hissed at him, eyes guarded and angry. “You know nothing.”

“I know you're crying for him.” Obito assured him. “You don't have to kill him you know...as a matter of fact it would be in your best interest not to.”

Itachi watched with cold calculating eyes, tears long ago dried up. “My best interest?”

“The two of your are a pair...two halves to a coin. He is your spare set for when you finally get the Mangekyo Sharingan.” He tilt his head, watching Itachi with his one eye. “What's the progress on that?”

“I'm meeting with Shisui in an hour. I'll handle it.” Itachi said coldly, pure hatred in his voice. “I won't use him for his eyes.”

“You'd be surprised what you can use people for.” Obito mused. “You'll do whatever you have to when the light in your eyes begins to fade.”

“He's my light.” Sasuke smiled at that, blushing as he leaned into the tree.

“Then save him.” Obito conceded. “But the rest don't deserve it.”

“Will you help me?” Itachi asked. “Your revenge?” Obito looked amused.

“Any chance I can get to kill some Uchihas.” Itachi rolled his eyes at that.

“Genocide doesn't become us cousin.” Itachi assured him. “It's a sick thing...what we do for our destinies...to be strong...for love.”

“Love?” He asked. “Don't speak to me of the word. It's more of a curse than our bloodline.”

“Have you ever been in love?” Itachi asked. “Someone you would destroy the world for?”

Obito just smirked at him. “Itachi, don't you know that's always been the plan?”

Sasuke leaned back into the arms as his Itachi grabbed him. His head fell back to look at him, kissing his cheek. He felt it all...he didn't know what that said about his own existence. “Why'd you show me this?” He asked him. “Your wicked plan to martyr yourself.”

“In the perfect world you would have never found out.” Itachi murmured.

“In a perfect world you never would have told me.” Sasuke promised. “I liked it better when I thought you were evil...your sickening goodness is exhausting.” He teased him. “I don't like being the evil one between us.”

“Is that how you see yourself?” Itachi asked. “As evil?”

“Would you deny that?” Sasuke asked back, turning in his arms. “I've killed so many people.”

“You were undercover.” Itachi argued, and Sasuke laughed bitterly.

“I really wasn't.” Sasuke assured him. “You weren't either though, were you? It may have started out with good intentions for you as well, but you liked it, just like I did.” Sasuke's hands trailed up Itachi's stomach, stopping on his chest. “Admit it.”

“I liked it.” Itachi relented without a fight. “The idea of revenge, of taking over the world with you beside me. I'd dip my soul in black for you if it meant I could keep you.”

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Itachi's neck, staring into those dark eyes. “Why can I feel you Itachi?” He asked, not understanding it all. “We never can...not in this world.” His eyes lit up with understanding. “Oh, am I dead?”

Itachi knitted his eyebrows at the observation. “Why would you be dead Otouto? You're protected and safe in the village where I put you.”

Sasuke scowled at that, the control freak in Itachi coming out. “You left me there to suffer. You have no idea what I've been going through.”

“You're wearing the ring.” Itachi reminded him. “I know exactly what you're going through.”

“And yet you don't know I jumped off a cliff.” Sasuke said back, voice dead as he pulled away from those arms. He watched Itachi's eyes widen. “Poor Aniki. It must kill you to know you don't have control...that I would break away from your puppet strings. I always thought Sasori was the one that dealt in puppets.”

“Tell me you're lying.” Itachi hissed, voice barely controlled. “Tell me you didn't actually sink into that level of stupidity.” He grabbed Sasuke, dragging him close as his nails sank into his arms in pain. “Why!? Why would you!?” He demanded, shaking him.

“Because I didn't want to live without you!” Sasuke screamed at him, shoving him away to get the shaking to stop. “Because you left me in the god forsaken place with `him'”

“Him?” Itachi asked him, voice a dangerous mask.

“Naruto.” Sasuke snapped back. “You left me there and told me to be with him...so I did Aniki! I did what you asked! I fucked his brains out over and over and…” He wasn't surprised when he was backhanded to the floor. “You told me to do it!”

“Did you screw him the very night I left, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for what we had?” Itachi growled, leaning down and grabbing him back up. “Fucking whore!”

“Maybe.” Sasuke said. “Maybe that's all I'm good for anymore! It certainly got you to leave when I couldn't put out!”

“That's not why I left!” Itachi screamed at him. “I left to protect you. You were so broken...You looked at me like I was one of them…” Itachi grabbed his hair, bending into himself. “How could you do this? How!?”

“Because I'd rather be dead than keep feeling this way!” Sasuke screamed. “Because I wanted one more chance to speak with you!” He said, the insanity of the situation coming out. “Because you let me do all of this, and you're never there!”

“I'm not always going to be here to pick up your pieces Sasuke!” Itachi screamed right back. “You have to grow up!”

“I think I'm plenty grown up Itachi.” Sasuke assured him, voice angry. “Is this really going to be the last of us? A fight?” It was all they ever did.

“You're not going to die. The Kyuubi won't allow it.” Itachi argued.

“I hope you're wrong.” Sasuke told him, meeting those furious eyes before he shut his mind to the other and delved into whatever oblivion was waiting for him.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.