Naruto Fan Fiction / Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ The Never Played Symphonies ❯ Forgive Me, Sasuke ( Chapter 39 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

The Never Played Symphonies

Chapter 39: Forgive me, Sasuke

Sasuke padded softly into the room, frowning slightly at the sounds of coughing. His Niisan was always coughing lately. Their father had made him even stay home from a mission because he was so sick. Sasuke balanced the soup in his palms, concentrating intently to prevent spilling as he got further into the room. Itachi was hacking into his own pillow. He looked sweaty and unwashed, having been in here for days. No one would tell Sasuke why he wasn't getting better. Whenever he asked, his parents would get an almost haunted look in their eyes and tell him not to ask so many questions.

“Niisan?” Sasuke tried, nose wrinkling a little at the smell of sickness that permeated the room. “I brought you some soup.” He told him, spilling a little of the broth. He didn't think Itachi noticed. He was wheezing now, teenage chest heaving as he tried to draw breath. “Niisan…” He said quietly, scared now. Itachi was so pale. He looked almost grey, his normally beautiful hair was sweaty and messy, his clothes hung off his skinny frame.

“Thank you Otouto.” Itachi managed, forcing himself up in the soiled bed sheets. “Come here...I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.” He told him, arms stretched out. It seemed to be causing him anguish just to raise them up a few inches. Sasuke went obediently, crawling into the bed and those arms he adored, so worried about his Aniki he was sick with it.

He hugged him tight, reveling in those arms that wrapped around him. “Are you okay Aniki? Why are you so sick?”

Sasuke sighed as a kiss was placed on top of his spikes, smiling as he nestled into Itachi's neck, inhaling his scent. “Don't worry about it Otouto...I'll be alright.” He didn't sound like he believed that. His voice was weak, and Sasuke was scared. “I'm glad you came to see me. I was worried you'd be scared with all the coughing.”

“Never Aniki!” Sasuke assured him, looking up with a determined face. “I'll never be scared of you. I just want you to get better!”

Itachi gave a shaky laugh, and Sasuke cringed as he broke out into another fit of harsh coughing. Sasuke's eyes widened to saucers as liquid sprayed through his cupped hands, blood splattering across Sasuke's face. His eyes immediately filled with tears as he wiped at his cheek, and Itachi cursed under his breath. “Otouto it's okay...Don't worry. Please don't cry.” He pulled him even closer, and Sasuke couldn't obey. He cried into that concave chest. Itachi was so thin. He was practically skin and bones.

“What's wrong with you?” Sasuke asked, wiping at his eyes as they laid together in the bed. “Why aren't you getting any better?”

Itachi eyed him, as if he was racking his brain to come up with a lie, but then he just sighed. “I don't think I am going to get better. I don't think I'm going to make it.” He swallowed hard, as if it were the first time he had allowed himself to say those words. “I'm not getting any better this time, but it's okay. They didn't think I would last as long as I did. I just wish I would have been there to watch you grow up.”

This only caused Sasuke to cry harder, shaking his head. “No...I won't let you leave me.” His fists reached for that chest, feeling jutting rib bones and it made him even more terrified. “You can't leave me!” He screamed, fisting the necklace Itachi had made. “You're mine...You're mine…” Itachi was his brother...his best friend. “I love you Aniki!”

“I love you too Sasuke.” Itachi assured him. “More than anything, but I can't fix this.” He tried to explain, thumb wiping at the younger's huge rolling tears.

“I'll fix it!” Sasuke yelled. “What do you need!?” He asked. “My lungs to breathe!? You can have them Aniki!” He yelled. “Do you want my heart!? It's already yours, so you can take it!”

Itachi's eyes turned beyond sad, pulling Sasuke close again. The other was dragged into his lap. “I wish we had more time. I wish you were older...I wish I could show you what you mean to me. My soul aches for you Sasuke, and you'll never know why.”

“Your soul?” Sasuke asked, hand still twisted into the necklace. “Don't worry Aniki...it doesn't have to hurt anymore. You can have mine.” He told him, and the necklace glowed bright then, both of their eyes flooding with the sharingan.

Itachi gasped, lungs seeming to reinflate. His cheeks returned to their normal color, light seeming to come back to his wide eyes. Itachi pushed Sasuke away, as if whatever had happened was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. But he looked...better. He looked well.

“No….” Itachi murmured, hands grabbing his dirty hair. “Not that...not you…” He shut his eyes. “I'd rather die.”

“No!” Sasuke screamed, jumping back on the other despite the fact that Itachi was positively trembling now. “You can't leave me! I don't care what you take...you can take everything Itachi...just don't leave me!”

“You don't understand what you're asking of me,” Itachi hissed. “You don't understand the cost. You'll hate me...you'll despise me as I slowly kill you.” Sasuke vehemently shook his head no, because there wasn't a world that existed where he could hate his Niisan. “You don't know what you ask. I just fed on your soul Sasuke.” He tried to implant in his brain.

“It's mine to give to whomever I please!” Sasuke assured him. “I'd rather have half a soul than to lose my other half...You are my soul Itachi.” He may only be eight, but he knew his soulmate when he met him.

“I will not ruin you,” Itachi hissed. “And you will not ask this of me again!” He snapped, and his eyes swirled, trapping him. “You will forget. You will never ask this of me again...not to save me. Not at your expense!”

Sasuke's eyes went blank, memories burning from his skull. “Are you hungry Niisan?” He asked, blinking as he looked around. “I made you soup….Are you feeling better?”

Itachi exhaled, before smiling at his brother. “Now that you're here.” He assured him, kissing his spikes fondly as Sasuke smiled.

“I”m glad,” Sasuke whispered, buried in that chest, hearing the clear lungs breathing. “I love you Niisan,” He said, never afraid to show his affection. He didn't care that Itachi didn't speak, didn't say it back. ...He knew his Niisan loved him with all his heart.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Sasuke was licking his fingers when Itachi finally showed up. It took him longer than he thought...long enough to rip Obito into pieces. Blood dripped from the ceiling, carnage covering and surrounding him as his eyes were slitted and feral. Inhuman. Why should he be human? He was mostly monster by this point, right? The Kyuubi struck gold this time around with finding a boy with no soul. He sniffed the air, two tails still extended as he walked on all fours. His feet squished on bits of flesh and blood. Obito had deserved every bit of what he got, and after all...now he was with Kakashi.

“My love…” Sasuke purred as Itachi entered. His face was a mask. Of course it was. Itachi was very good at extracting information before he walked into any traps. “Sorry...I went a little overboard.” As he said that part of a ribcage fell from the ceiling, landing in front of his brother. Sasuke gave him a look, daring him to call him a monster. Daring him to say anything at all to him when he had forced his hand.

“Obito?” Itachi asked, poking that orange mask with his foot. He seemed to be putting pieces of the puzzle together at knowing that Obito had come here...and Sasuke had...overreacted. Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he was clearly trying to decide what to say next. “Did he hurt you?”

“What?” Sasuke asked, voice a dead cold tone mixed with the growl of the Kyuubi. “Afraid he had me raped again? No such luck there Niisan...My soul is ripped and tattered, but still there.”

Itachi's eyes widened, and he covered his face, seeming to clench the skin under his forehead, as if he wanted to rip his face off. “No.” He managed, and it was said in the most pained voice he had ever heard emitted from Itachi. Like he was being ripped in two. “Not yet…” Sasuke watched as Itachi's chest began to heave, and he rose an eyebrow.

“Come now Niisan...there's no need. Not anymore.” He explained. “I don't want anymore lies.” He was startled as Itachi drew his hands away from his face, and the Sharingan eyes staring back at him were watery, but hard and cold. He let his own flood, blocking as Itachi tried to trap him. “No...You will not manipulate me like that.” He hissed.

Itachi disappeared, and he cursed as he spun around, coming face to face with him as the other grabbed his neck, holding him up and dragging him up off his feet. “Look at me,” His brother hissed, trying to trap him, but Sasuke wasn't afraid. He didn't look away. “Forget.” Was the hissed out command.

Sasuke spit in his face. “No.” He growled, teeth sharp and bared, shooting Itachi off of him with just the power of the chakra cloak surrounding him. “You don't get to do that...not again.” He was shaking with fury, all hints of the calm gone. “How many times? How many times did you fuck with my head!? Do I even have any real memories? Am I even a real person!?” He asked, and shot his red chidori in a powerful wave, slamming it into Itachi as he sent him flying through the air and crashing into the wall. “You fucked up, rapist!” He yelled at him, the walls shaking and cracking with his power. “You perverted son of a bitch! You're the worst person on this world, and I let you propose to me!” He screamed, frying him more as the roof was shaking and cracking. “I said yes to wear a ring that stole my soul!”

Itachi struggled to sit up then, wiping the blood from his mouth. “You don't understand….” He tried, gasping as Sasuke tackled him, and he used his clawed hand to swipe across that perfect face, that beautiful wonderful face that Sasuke loved more than anything in the world...even now. He shredded it. Four deep gashes cut across Itachi's features as the cement below them was stained and cascaded in blood as his brother made a horrible gurgling sound at the gashes.

“You don't get to be that beautiful anymore when your soul is so ugly…” His chest was heaving. “My soul.” He corrected, sitting on Itachi still as the other coughed on blood. “Why?” Sasuke managed in a broken tone. “Just tell me what I did to you that I deserved this? Wasn't I good? Didn't I try and make you happy? I've loved you my entire life, and you...you...there aren't words…”

Itachi spit up some blood, sleeve wiping at his eyes to try to staunch the blood from flowing into them. “There are…” He managed even with his lips and cheeks sliced and bloody. He could have blocked the attack. He could have blocked both of them. “I don't know what he told you...or where to even begin, but you deserve your revenge in any scenario. I will not take it from you.”

Sasuke wanted to shred even more of that face, because even slashed up, bleeding, and coughing blood, he found him beautiful...and infuriating for telling him he could have his life. “Why would you accept death when you've worked painstakingly hard to take my life?”

“I tried so hard…” He managed. “I tried to stay away from you...imagine...not only the one thing in the world I desire, but also the one thing that could keep me living?” He coughed, and Sasuke dug his knee further into his chest to extend the suffering. “I had good intentions. I left you...made sure you would never follow, but...but...to taste you…” Itachi's eyes lit up even as they were stained in blood. “To feel you...in that way…”

“Sex?” Sasuke asked, disgusted. “I was so young Itachi.” He hissed at him in disgust.

“No...not sex.” Itachi breathed. “Though believe me, when you were ready it was almost as good.” His voice was full of a longing ache, and Sasuke found himself wiping at the blood so he could hear him better. “You say you've loved me your whole life, as if I did not know that...as if we weren't soulmates.” He coughed more and Sasuke batted at the blood foam with his sleeve. “To touch your soul...my soul...to be able to feel you on a level beyond comprehension. Beyond life...death...to know that you're loved in every last molecule...that you're complete. That's what it's like…” His eyes turned slowly to meet Sasuke's “I tried Otouto...But once I knew what it was like...I kept taking more. It was an addiction, and I told myself to stop...and I told myself how wrong it was, and how disgusting you were...and how much I hated you now that you weren't pure, but I kept coming back.” Sasuke stared at him, his emotions tumultuous as he tried to listen. “I even came up with a plan, because if I couldn't stop...then at least I would live, which was your request.”

Sasuke punched him so hard then he saw one of Itachi's teeth shoot across the room. “Don't you fucking dare, you sick twisted rapist.” He growled at him, knowing how Itachi felt about that word. “Don't you make it like this was my doing...like this is ever what I would have wanted.” He punched him again, knowing how much touching those gashes had to hurt, but Itachi never screamed. “You took away my childhood...You took away any chance I ever had to love or be happy.”

“You love me. You're happy with me.” Itachi reminded him, and Sasuke fought every urge inside of him not to break his neck. Instead he grabbed him by that perfect hair now matted in blood, and slammed him hard against the ground, hearing his skull crack. ...Itachi didn't fight him. ...He wasn't fighting.

“I don't love you...I don't even know you.” He lied, because he knew Itachi. He even understood that twisted reasoning, because he remembered what it was like to touch Itachi's soul. ...Just a small part of it in that necklace...his Itachi...the one from his childhood before he had begun to rip himself apart. It was ecstasy every moment he had spent in there with him. It had been better than living, and the only thing that had brought him out is that this one could touch him...this one could kiss him truly and he would feel it. How stupid he had been. “You had Kisame stab me...you...you…” He felt sick as he thought about it. “You had Obito…”

“I did no such thing!” Itachi barked, and Sasuke shuddered at the anger in his tone. “Obito betrayed me and gave you to that filth. As for Kisame...I hadn't anticipated he would have actually tried to kill you. I said to hurt you...to make you weak so I could take you back from that Kyuubi without a fuss. I know it doesn't sound like the truth Sasuke, because of what happened afterwards, but I would never let anyone touch you.”

“But you did let them touch me!” Sasuke screamed out his fury. “You did Itachi!” He yelled, pieces beginning to crumble from the ceiling. “You did all of this….You...You are my monster in my story…” And he was crying, his eyes blurry and voice shaking as his chest hurt so bad. “I would have given it to you gladly Aniki...It's yours after all…” He said, not able to breathe he was crying so hard. “If I knew it was to keep you alive...and safe...and mine...I would have ripped my heart out of my chest if I only knew yours would keep beating.” He wiped furiously at his eyes, feeling younger than he had in a long time. “And I don't believe him when he says you made me feel this way...that I could have loved Naruto...or anyone...because it was `always' you. Always...because I understand you.” His stomach seized up as he sobbed. “I understand every part of you, which is why this hurts so much, because you don't understand me at all.”

“Sasuke wai…” Because Itachi knew, he understood even now, didn't he? But Sasuke didn't wait, he didn't even hesitate. He reached to the side of Itachi's pants, grabbing onto the kunai he always kept there and stabbing hard, piercing his gut, spilling bile all over his insides as Itachi still didn't fight...not even a little. He did gasp though. The pain of such a wound had to be unbearable. But it wouldn't kill him right away. No, they would have some more time as the love of his life slowly bled out on the floor.

Sasuke didn't pull the weapon out, letting go of it instead to cup Itachi's mangled face, kissing him as his entire soul was aching. He kissed those ripped bloody lips, shaking as Itachi struggled. “When you left me in the village...were you really going to let yourself die for me?”

Itachi swallowed, reaching down to try to put pressure on the flowing blood. “Yes...I didn't think you would hurt yourself...But..But…” His eyes were glazed. “But we were too connected. You could feel my sadness...my pain.”

“Do you see a different me in your dreams Itachi?” Sasuke asked, still crying. He wanted his answers, knowing this was the last chance to get them.

“Never…” Itachi admitted. “There's only ever been you...and us...and...and…” Itachi seemed to be struggling with words, his face stark white as blood surrounded them. “I always meant to give it back, but then...But then…” He trailed off, and Sasuke cupped his face, bringing his attention back to him. “Otouto…” Itachi said fondly, like he was just seeing him for the first time and like Sasuke hadn't just pierced his intestines. Like he was his sun. “I didn't think you'd let me have you anymore...that you wouldn't love me.”

“You idiot…” Sasuke sobbed, stroking Itachi's non slashed cheek over and over again, other hand pressed over Itachi's on his stomach to staunch the flow. “You said it yourself, didn't you?” He asked. “We're soulmates...so that means that none of this ever made a difference. It never changed me...We've always shared, right?” He laid his forehead against Itachi's as his body shook with his sobs. “You never made me bad...and you never forced me to love you with those blackouts...and I don't believe for one second that you touched me...not with how you acted when we finally did..” He pulled back, Itachi's eyes glazed and far away, but Sasuke forced him. “You've never trusted me, when we were a pair. Everything in my whole has been to please you...and you never trusted me with this secret.” He stroked the bloody hair away, and they were both a mess by this point. Itachi's hot blood continued to pool on the ground. “I would never have told you no...or said I wouldn't save you...I never would have been with Naruto...It was only ever you.”

Itachi watched him blearily. “Otouto...I don't deserve you.”

“No. You don't.” Sasuke said, and how could Itachi say that when he was bleeding out on the ground? “You never did...because you're a bad person Aniki.” Yet he loved him still...more than anything. “But I'm yours regardless...Forever...Our souls are tied now, right?”

“I'm not scared to die, Sasuke.” Itachi whispered, skin turning grey now as the light left him more and more. “I only wanted more time...Is it so selfish and wrong to want to be with the one you love?” He asked, his eyes met Sasuke's then, and he reached up with a bloody hand, cupping his face. “I love you Sasuke.” He said, using his given name. “More than anything.” He gave him the smallest of smiles, saying the words Sasuke had longed to hear his entire life, and Sasuke realized what he had done. He realized that they never ever could get through this...because Itachi was...Itachi was…

“No….” He managed, pulling the kunai out as he stared at those fading eyes, using his chakra to try to staunch the bleeding. “No….No….NO!” He screamed as the wound wasn't closing, not even a little bit. “What's wrong with it!? Why isn't it closing? Why isn't it…” He paused as he finally looked to his hand, and realized that it wasn't a kunai...it was…

“You recognize it, don't you?” Itachi asked. “You should...You stole it for us.” Sasuke was trembling as he stared at the cursed dagger...the same dagger that had taken the Kyuubi out of Naruto.

“What did you do?” He asked, voice terrified as he watched him, and of course...even now...Itachi had a plan.

“It releases things, does it not?” He asked. “The Kyuubi inside of Naruto that didn't belong, and for me...well...you'll get what belongs to you in the end.” His soul. ...This had been Itachi's plan all along...his redemption.

“How did you know I would hurt you?” Sasuke asked, voice broken...shattered...decimated. “How did you know I would use your knife?”

“Because I know everything about you Sasuke...I've spent my life watching you...I'm sure I'll do the same in my death.” He mused, and Sasuke regretted marring that perfect face as he kissed all along it.

“Just tell me why...Tell me the truth…” Sasuke sobbed into his chest. “Tell me why would you have me take it back...what's the point?” Did Itachi love him? Did he really? “Is this to break me finally? Was this part of the plan?”

“No more plans Sasuke...I haven't the heart to hurt you anymore.” Itachi's voice was so weak...far away. “I don't think we have very much time left…” He managed, coughing hard as blood oozed down his face. “I know you want to harm yourself...that you want to join me...but you can't. That eye will prevent it.” He was panting by this point, trying to stave off death. “But maybe...in that world between worlds...maybe...we can see…”

“See what?” Sasuke asked, hands touching anywhere he could, trying to will life into him. “See each other? Can we see each other there?”

Itachi hummed. “I hope so...Wouldn't that be a world? Just you and I and the lake?” He questioned. “I'd take the real you anyday.” He said barely above a whisper, mirroring Sasuke's earlier thoughts. “I've been chasing time my entire life...never enough time with you...I did wrong...I don't deserve to see you in that world.”

“Then I'll go wherever you go.” Sasuke assured him. “No more lies….or sickness...just us.” He grabbed the dagger, placing it at his throat. No matter how good his eye was, he knew he wouldn't come back from this. “We'll go together.”

For a moment Itachi looked terrified, reaching up to grab for the dagger, but then he seemed to calm, giving Sasuke a small placating smile. “Forgive me Otouto…” He whispered, flicking Sasuke's forehead at the same time as Sasuke was grabbed from behind and pulled off and away. “Another time…” He heard Itachi say those words...those last words as the body underneath him relaxed, and Sasuke saw those beautiful dark eyes go blank as he screamed, struggling against the arms holding him to try to get back.

“ITACHI!” Sasuke screamed, trying to get back to him. The entire room reeked of blood and rot, but he didn't care. He couldn't have been gone...not by his own hand. Not Itachi! Sasuke's ring began to glow on his hand, as did the necklace Itachi wore, and Sasuke screamed more at that. Light exploded from his eyes as he had never felt pain anywhere close to this...except for losing Itachi...except for killing the love of his life. He vaguely registered that it was Sasori behind him that had saved him...if you could call it that. If you could call this hell being saved. More pain filled him as that blinding light shot through him, burning, searing...and he wanted death. He wanted Itachi...He wanted his brother...and then he saw nothing at all.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

The End.

A.N-

So this took me forever to release. I know that. I have never really been good with endings, and so I'm sorry if this has disappointed you or left you wanting. I had this much written for a very long time, and I debated adding more to it on what happens afterwards, but then I just thought that there's no Sasuke without Itachi...Itachi dying is such a finality that I don't want to sully it with an epilogue. We know Sasuke would be broken. We know he regrets what he did, and I felt wrong about going into his head to explain that. I admittedly knew how this was vaguely going to end since the beginning of the story, but it changed many times as the characters evolved and their love became so epic. I know I probably let Itachi off easy here, but he adored his Otouto, even as he kept hurting him, and Sasuke understood it. He understood, but couldn't let such a travesty occur. I did write a small ficlet that I guess you could describe as an epilogue. I will post it to give everyone some closure. I know I restarted this story after many years, and thank you everyone who has been reading since the beginning, or just now got into it and followed me this far. I would love to hear overall thoughts of the story. ...I'm sorry again that the last chapter wasn't longer. I just couldn't bear to write Sasuke without Itachi. Thank you again for reading! I hope I didn't make you too sad.