Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ A Smear of Orange ❯ Filth in Beauty ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Seeing in black and white wasn't so bad, at least then the world was just one big place of emptiness. The whole thing lonely, at least everyone could feel like him. But when a smudge of colour appears where black and white dominate how is he supposed to act? Breaching his lonely world, becoming sullen by a smear of ignorance; that plain bright displaced orange.

Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 10.30.2009 | Updated On: 01.22.2011 | Pages: 4 | Words: 8.4K | Visits: 636 | Status: Work In Progress

Disclaimer: I have always wondered if there was a point to these things. I am obviously not making any money off of this story. I do not own Naruto. I do own the plot.

Summary: Seeing in black and white wasn't so bad; at least then the world was just one big place of emptiness. The whole thing lonely where everyone could feel like him; but when a smudge of colour appears where black and white dominate how is he supposed to act? Sullen by a smear of ignorance; by a defiant plain, bright, displaced orange.

Content: Stuff unsuitable for children.

A/N: some of these lyrics may or may not be entirely right. Lyrics used are from GazettE: Filth in Beauty

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"A smear of Orange."
By Hiro

Thoughts / Sarcasm

Words

"Speech"

Flashbacks/Dreams.

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Written to:
Frustration
Lina Morgana : My Angel [RIP]

"Telling me to go, but hands beg me to stay. Your lips say that you love, your eyes say that you hate."

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Been wearing the mask to hide what's true
under shades of glass there's black and blue

There were many years, many times; many seconds that ticked by within a world that seemed to spin on its axis with ignorant resolution. Making itself known that it no longer cared for its inhabitants or their pitiful problems. Instead it simply existed, its body ravaged and abused by selfish creatures. Constantly taken for granted and used for the whims of the greedy, the lustful, and upon the speculation of malicious refinement.

A world ravaged by the carelessness of others, a world constantly being taken for granted; the ancient skies could do nothing more than watch on as the many decades, many millennia passed by. All the while its grieving heart ever so present as it was bared for all to see by the constant changing in the seasons. But it is not this neglected world we focus our attention on or the whole of this story upon; but instead a series of specific and purposed events that had taken place during the existence of man's midlife crisis.

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The time has come to dig the grave
to bury your heart that just can't be saved

Pale, almost lifeless like fingers lifted upon its master's command, the tips of the delicate digits pressing against the crushed velvet of a crimson curtain. The deafening ticking and tocking of a clock was all their master could hear, deaf to everything but this single sound.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

This constant sound would have perhaps have been an annoyance to anyone, but not to this person. No, it was a comforting sound much like the coos of a mother to her frighten child; it soothed him in a way that he could not explain. Eyes, almost as lifeless as the skin that stretched over thin hands stared out, their hue dull and stoic; the shade of coal that had yet to be mined. There was an endless darkness beneath those emotionless eyes as they stared on at the growing crowd but in this action had never really saw. Behind those stoic eyes, behind that lifeless shade an earthen coal was a mind in constant work. Churning, thinking, forming statements, and facts; a vast library of knowledge had been stored behind that emotionless façade working day in and day out to appease its master.

The seconds that seemed to fly by him caused him to begin to think more and more with the constant ticking and tocking of the clock; its sound had begun luring him into a trance like state. As he began to reflect upon things in his life, the things he had wish to change, and even upon seconds in whom he yarned back. In which he may have taken alternate routes, made alternate choices in efforts to change what he wanted; change who he was, what he was, and the way he had become.

There were times within the years of his life that he would catch himself wishing upon frightful stars with fleeting trails, exhausting his mind with the hope that he could just once go back and fix everything. It would be so much easier for him in this life if he could fix his problems, change the way things turned out, and even to fix the way he felt inside.

Beyond the soft crushed velvet curtains was a world he could not understand, a life he could never lead or even fathom a reason for its existence. From behind the crimson crushed velvet was life he had come to know, strived to achieve but in the end had come to rue. Yet, without protest he would return again, every few days, ever few nights. As if his body was possessed by some unknown demon a force that seemed to controlled his very will forcing him to return each time to the life he had come to regret. Standing in this very same spot, repeating his very same thoughts; reliving his exact feelings and actions from days and days before. Over and over it became a repetitive game of ping pong and no matter how much he wanted to leave these days abandoned, he could not for he had obligation.

Living this life and doing these shows, even watching these people and singing those same songs over again was the life he had come to know. A repetitive game that always reared its ugly head as the players came face to face. As his thoughts began to drive on he compared it to the repetitive banging of a hammer to a nail, struck more and more into him thoughts, regrets, and feelings of despair deeper and deeper into his soul.

He was a pitiful man.

Pleasuring the crowds was all he was good for, his eyes to see but never to bathe in the colours of life; his heart to lay dormant in the depths of his soul that seemed to drown in an ocean of self pity. How they had taken for granted the lives they once had, the feelings they once possessed, touches, sounds, sights. He hated them, hated them all on the outside; the more they neglected the world he had yarned to belong to the more he despised them. A smiling face that became merely a mask for the emptiness within his heart; how could they not see its forced curvature? He would never understand this, this blatant ignorance towards another.

It had not always been this way though.

Somewhere between the hollowed verses and reiterated chords he lost his ideals, his kindness, and his ability to trust. The world of fame that they dipped their feet into was a world of power that they had not been ready for. It sunk its teeth into their necks and began to suck. To claim all they possessed. Their looks and their pride leaving them alone with no one but themselves and yet, fame was always there; its cold fingers enveloping their bodies.

He let loose a heavy breath, the deep sigh shaking him to his very core only to leave him void, much like the feeling he'd get when leaving the stage after a decent set.

The stage…

The stage always felt cold to him, a reminder of the barrier between him and the outside world and of the only comfort allowed to him; the emptiness within his heart. There was something missing, something he felt the urge to find; to see. He had always known, however; that he was never to be allowed to handle such luxuries.

There is a saying, or rather a popular reference, "We're all beautiful on the inside." He was sure that if one looked inside of him it would be black. A thick slimy-sludge created to cover every inch and fiber of his inner being; clogging him with its lifeless and vile feelings.

Darkness.

There was always darkness.

Like a blind man fumbling around in the stark of the night he would search the cold recesses of his heart and of the world that had been laid before him. His heart wailed in the nothingness, wanting to be something. Pleas to simply feel left him echoing the distant walls hoping that he might have been given the gift of sight if even for but a moment.

If one really thought about it they would realize that he was merely a sad character within a broken story, cold and distant without a breath of real life within him. Nothing in this world would allow him to see through his eyes that seemed to be only clouded. Vision tainted where he was alone and where there was no colour in his world; there was never any colour. Just a void that continued to consume him; eating away at his flesh and at his innards.

Twin coal hues with lifeless bottoms stared outwardly with dull attitude; the screaming fans seemed to move as if in slow motion, their mouths opened but no sound to really speak of reached his ears. He felt like the reader, the people were merely characters in another story, blissfully unaware of watching eyes as they read each line of their story. His eyes rolled in their sockets, a sign of exasperation and annoyance; women were completely and utterly disgusting. The man scoffed, his eyes closing to block out such shallow and self absorbent creatures.

There was a heavy thickness within the air, his lips forming what seemed to be a permanent scowl as he watched on at the crowds growing anticipation. The more people that filed into the building the more this feeling pestered him in the pit of his gut, something was going to happen; he was just unsure as to what.

Turning around he let coal eyes rest upon his band mates, a drummer, two guitarists, a bassist… and himself. A band just like any other; so why were they so famous? Carefully he watched them as they continued to set up and check their instruments; a band consisting of five members.

His hand loosened its grip around the curtain's soft texture dropping to his side listlessly. Silently he wished he could quit this life, quit this path but things in life just were not as simple as it sounded. He took another deep and heavy sigh before letting his trademark masked smile replace his previously frowning face. He watched his band mate's work; a faint smile upon his lips but not one out of pleasure or happiness like it may have seemed from a distance; it was intended to keep up appearances. He was analyzing them again in his silent cognition, picking out each difference in one and distinguishing it from the other.

Nara Shikamaru, their bassist; he was a tall guy, a bit quiet for the most part and always off somewhere. He was a very calculating character but he was most certainly not a lazy one; his intelligence and maturity were beyond his years but something he would never let on to.

Inuzuka Kiba, their drummer; he was actually quite hyper but not in an annoying way. He was very energetic and always knew how to get everyone pumped. He was smart but sometime's he lacked the common sense of a regular person, a flaw that was rarely shown but widely known.

Aburame Shino, their lead guitarist, he was rather silent and only spoke when it mattered; when he did it was with only precise words. He actually could not recall a moment where he had ever heard the man speak without good reason. Ironically, though he was very silent he was one of the more outgoing characters of their group and just so happened to be willing to try just about anything. He could even keep in par with Kiba's unnatural sense of energy.

Akimichi Choji, their Rhythmic guitarist and most certainly the reason this band existed. It was originally his idea to start the band, their tiny garage dreams having kicked off somewhere between their first sparks of creativity and the lost of their muse. Then there was him, Akemi Sai; the lead vocalist of one of the hottest bands in Japanese culture who was not only known for his voice but for his wonderfully good looks.

Over the years but even in the beginning, they had become sort of an odd, mitch-match group yet still fit together well. Like puzzle pieces they completed each other and filled in the gaps. The music they had begun to produce under the authority of their record label had become relatively plain and sometimes it was hard to understand why people liked it. Chalking it up to mindless dribble he related the fans as the drones and yet, it bugged him. A nagging at the back of his mind, they could do better than this yet they were doing nothing to change it.

They no longer seemed as themselves but instead what the mainstream world wanted them to be, having lost their way it was a silent but mutual agreement amongst them that they had forgotten that time as boys when they just played for their dreams. The lyrics of their songs were as bland as meat with no seasoning, lyrics that had something left to be desired. The verses not giving fully on what they were supposed to and always they were left with the feeling that something could have been better, something revised, removed, changed.

It was not until that day that their manager, Kakashi, had suggested bringing a in a song writer that they could see a way to escape. The idea of replacing the terrible writers they had now was like a Christmas in July, very welcomed in every aspect but Sai still had his doubts.

Could they find someone to put the spice and the meaning their work lacked back into it?

Sai could only reflect and note that it was not until that moment that his problems seemed to have start and this growing angst filled his gut. He denied them needing help and declined the man's offer and in retaliation Kakashi jokingly pointed out that Sai needed to find his heart and show some real emotions for once because the music they had now was lifeless. Sai only replied with a scoff and called the man a dick-less buffoon. No surprise there, this was typical of him.

After that day they had started putting up ads and advertising for such a person word spread like wild fire. There seemed to be plenty of people that were just begging to write for them, but all were denied. Their work seemed shallow and lacked an intensity of their desire or the seemed only in it for money. There were even plenty of people that wanted to use the band to gain their own fame and plenty of people who wanted use the job as an excuse to get close to the band, or a specific member.

Each one was dolefully turned down one after the next and it started to seem as if no one could step up to fill that void in the bands career. Though no fault of their own, no one could reach the standards set so high by Sai and the pressure was setting in. They were almost forced into having to settle on some particular nobody with lackluster work and a creepy persona; well that was of course, until Kakashi used his sneaky ways to suggest his son, adopted, but still gifted.

Night captured in his hues as he turned them back upon the crowd beyond the curtain and then proceeded to walk from behind it His making his way across the stage at his own pace. Countless fans girls and very rarely boys; began screaming as he flipped his hand through his hair and gave his trademark façade of a fake smile. Idiots.

He eyed the crowd with mildly amused eyes scanning the faces; even thinking he almost caught sight of a couple of woman who fainted. Shino must have seen the same thing because he just shook his head in a condescending way towards the crowd and laughed, barely. Sai looked up as the lights began to dim, a hand lifting to his face before freezing in mid air as he caught something out of the corner of his eyes.

Bright. It was brighter than the lights; it was a smear upon the membrane of the dark world. A smudge that did not belong... it was ignorance playing within his world of black and white. He felt a strong need to ignore it; to deny its very existence as his body took stance behind the length of the microphone as the wild crowd became a bit silent. The band started up in a light, almost pop like sound, the music filtering from the speakers as the backup singers off to the side of the drums began to sing in tune together.

The reverse side of beauty
In time it will be of the filth
: Sai murmurs: Don't let that side of the beauty get you filthy here.
: Sexual disgrace:
The reverse side of beauty In time it will be of the filth
Ohhh woah Ohoh, yea~

Though he tried his hardest to ignore it Sai's eyes never left that ignorant smear of displaced orange, he couldn't make out if it was a male or female, but to him... it did not make a difference. As soon as he had captured the determination of that ignorant piece of colour a determination of his own grew within. He wanted to dominate that colour and extinguish it for even though he craved escape he would never allow his world to be violated in such a way.

It was over for that person, over for him; he would do anything and everything to have that color for his own. To rip it from the world, to claim it with his own bare hands and hide it existence from everyone but him. To be selfish and cage up that beautiful of colour was now his intended goal.

The band grew heavy when the musical flow turned into what was now a hard rock sound filtering forth, Sai began to bob his head lightly to it as he had always done.

Both hands lifted placing themselves on the microphone, he let his eyes close for that moment between the heat of the music and lyrics he'd need to sing. He let out a soft breath before he breathed in, the heavy music turning soft again. He let his lips part and a voice deep, but sensual flowed forth and tickled the ears of any within range. His lifeless coal eyes opened burning with the image of ignorance, of that colour; of orange.

Genwaku no umi shizun da hotaru
hitei ha yokkyuu jou no uso
mujun de somaru taion
risei koumuru aibu ni
odori tokekomu haru (shun) ha fui ni
kegarawashiiku?
My mind which falls

Sai finished the beginning part of the lyrics as the music got heavier and then Choji and Shino both simultaneously yelled 'wait' before Sai would continue with the songs beginning chorus. Sai's English wasn't all that great but it was good enough for him to speak it within his songs.

: Wait: Your seed and my seed never mixes.
: Wait: The connection of this blood is eternal
: Wait: You cannot finish suppressing the desire
: Wait: To true daughter...

The women could be heard faintly in the back ground through the chorus before they would simultaneously sing the next two words. Sai's eyes never left the smudge as it had begun to move through the crowds, unable to tear his eyes away from its brilliance. The bright attitude blinding him as he began to feel sick under the heated lights, his parts coming up soon again, some screamed and some simply just sung.

: Sexual disgrace:

Toiki fusagu myakuutsu 'ue' ha
wakari ae nu guren (guren) o motomu

Closet mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
How long... x3
in humiliation
the countless fatal scars was born.

Choji, Shino and Sai simultaneously screamed into the mics before there was a small break between the words, the band began to do some head banging. Mostly to please the fans here and there as the music had become instrumental for a few seconds.

: Sexual disgrace:

That same pause from before acting of its own accord right before the climax of the song, Choji and Shino screaming through the mics every so often to further emphasis their point.

Prohibited but..
Reckless driving cucumber...
The kin' collapses...
Near relatives on death...
The smell of cigarette smell breath and shit
Moment that bitter white jam is mixed
Inside of a brain caused an error
and goes mad by the sweet bug loop

Ohhh Oh Oh yea

A scream faded as Sai pressed his head forward his lips against the mic, eyes following the colour towards the back of the room. It was traveling way too much for his liking and he was starting to become agitated by this.

: Wait: Your seed and my seed never mixes.
: Wait: The connection of this blood is eternal
: Wait: You cannot finish suppressing the desire
: Wait: To true daughter...

: Sexual disgrace:

kubi -wo- o? Hawa su shitasaki to te
nozomu hyoujou guren ni somare

Dad which fell into the trap

Closet mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
How long… x3
in humiliation
the countless fatal scars was born

Closet mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
So long… x3
in humiliation
the final art is your dead face

Don't let him get hold of the grip

The band finished the song with just the instruments playing, Sai's alabaster fingers shaking slightly on the mic from his tight grip. His eyes scanned the crowd trying to relocate the orange smudge the careful eye he had on it was dead on until the person disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Shino and Choji must have noticed that Sai was distracted by something because they gave off a funny look at the completion of the song, Shino's hand coming to rest upon Sai's shoulder as if silently telling him he needed to do his job.

There was a gentle sigh that passed his lips, his shaking stopping and the look of pure agitation leaving him before he cracked a slight grinned. Shikamaru spared the man a quick glance, a knowing look within his eyes, but Sai was too preoccupied with his own musings to have noticed. His lips curled in an almost demonic way, like he had suddenly claimed a lamb for the slaughter.

Two figures clinged to the Orange smudge and this is when he noticed he could discern that the person was a blond and that the blond held a deep look of discontent upon his face as the two others tugged at his body. A sun kissed blond, citrine… Eyes only interested in the blond and whether or not he would be able to capture such a creature.

The band began to start up again as they proceeded to finish up the set list. As the night wore on he became more and more agitated, listless, and hyper. He wanted out, he wanted off the stage, his dark eyes watching the blond with such intensity he never knew he could posses. With the ending of the show the band bid the crowd goodnight and filed off the stage accordingly.

The finishing band filed on to the stage behind them and began to play the end of the show while Sai found this a good time to sneak around the back and then into the crowd. With stealthy movements he took a hoodie more than likely belonging to one of the many technical members and proceeded to slip into the crowd unnoticed. From within the confines of the girlish hoodie he scanned the countless faces in search of the blond that had beyond a doubt caught his attention.

A sweet scent followed him wherever he went and did nothing but burn his senses; only women could wear scents this strong and stomach churning. Too long did it take him to find what he had been searching for, too long for his liking to find the blond he had been incessantly stalking with his eyes and now he was physically seeking out. The person was too far away though and in a silent panic he hurried through the dense crowd pushing his way through.

The panic that flared in his eyes was evident as he stumbled out of the crowd through the exit catching himself well, his steps were heavy as he slowly caught up to the other. Luck was just not on his side and within an instant the blond disappeared from sight. Frantically Sai's coal eyes scanned the exiting bodies but with each and every one it was the same. Gray, gray, gray… No colour, nothing. Just gray.

Sai was thoroughly annoyed now, his hand lifting to rub frustrated at his neck beneath the heavy hood as a deep long sigh was let lose. How could this happen? How could he allow it to happen? One minute the blond, whom he now understood to be a male, was there and the next gone. Kicking his foot out in his bout of frustration he accidently tripped a woman whom exited beside him.

Also to his misfortune he happened to be the only solid object within reaching distance for her and as such she reached out for him. Her hands fisting in the girly fabric print of the hoodie dragging him forward. He stumbled with her as she hit the ground but caught himself and her as well. His hands wrapped tightly around her waist as she clung to his body. First he lost his intended prey, second he became the center of a scene and the third was just about to rear its ugly head unbeknownst to him.

"Ugh… thank you… OH MY GOD YOU'RE SAI!"

He was unaware that the hood to the thin hoodie had fallen back on his head revealing himself and unlucky for him he was smack in the middle of exiting fans. His ears became assaulted when the incident caused a fan girl epidemic, screaming women rushing him; bombarding him asking for autographs, hugs, kisses, even dates. Quite a few got a couple of lucky grabs making him feel assaulted and even a twinge of shame.

His hands flew to all areas as quick as they could but he could not stop the onslaught of fans, his hands lifting to his ears to block out the shrieks, body trying to bombard his way back. He hadn't expected this, thought he was even being careful. A grab to his package made anger flare within him, his eyes narrowing as anger leaked from every pour on his body and as soon as he was to turn and punch one of the disrespectful fans his manager came out with security guards practically plucking him up out of the crowd.

One of them had the nerve, the nerve to stick her hand down his pants and cup his ass. Did these women really have no shame? He felt dirty, his body had been touched in places he had not even been touched there by a lover. He was seething, the very air around him seemed tainted with choking anger and to say the least everyone avoided him.

Pressing himself tightly against the wall of the buildings alley the blonde looked at the gathering crowd, he did not know what was going on only that a burning sensation had seem to bore holes into his body all night. As if he was constantly being watched.

I just couldn't understand what had transpired throughout the night. Could not understand the why and I was even more confused over whom; I had known I was being followed but I was very unsure by whom. In all my thoughts, though, I never expected it to be him; of all people.

He could tell that during the concert he was being watched, vaguely he believed it to be one of the band members but after awhile he quickly dismissed this. With the lighting the way it was he was sure he could not be seen, but he didn't know how wrong he really was. A cold shiver ran down his spine as if someone's fingers traced up along his back, those lifeless, chilling eyes… Watching him, eyeing him… Calculating. He shivered once more as he tried to forget the harsh feeling of being watched, the sensations of it clinging to his flesh like an unwanted memory to a victim. The hairs on his neck stood at attention, it was unnerving and at the thought of Sai being the one to follow him and the one that had been watching him it became unsettling; his stomach churning over in flops.

Once the blond was sure that the other man was completely out of sight he left the safety of the alley and bolted, running to the only place that was a refuge to him now; his car. The night's events had him completely on edge and paranoid causing him to fumble with his keys and even miss the key hole several times.

Without a single doubt in his mind there was no god damn way that he would ever be tricked into going back to a Kohona concert again and especially not with Sakura-san.

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Whoa, that took awhile.