Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Between Deception and Truth ❯ Abnormal Normalcy ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Lord Archive 
The normal things guys and girls go through seem utterly alien to Ai and Jiro.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Martial Arts / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.26.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
The normal things guys and girls go through seem utterly alien to Ai and Jiro.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Martial Arts / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.26.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
Between Deception and Truth
Chapter 4 - Abnormal Normalcy
By: Lord Archive
Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, all rights reserved. I'm only borrowing them.
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Putting a fence around a farm was hardly an easy task. Especially when the property owners could not consistently help due to the other jobs that running the farm required. That left Daiku, Mokkou and Jiro doing most of the work. They had spotted the giant boar during their work, but thankfully the monstrous beast had chosen to not challenge them.
After a long day of work, Jiro wanted nothing more than a good meal that was ready to eat. Arriving home, he found the place empty as he had for the past few days. He muttered under his breath as he began to make dinner.
Ai arrived home shortly after he had finished cooking. "You make enough for me this time?"
"Yes," Jiro growled out.
Ai huffed. "What's the problem?"
"The problem is you're not playing your part," Jiro grumbled. "We're supposed to be married and you've done nothing that a wife should."
"Get your head out of the toilet," Ai hissed.
"Not that." Jiro slammed his hand onto the table. "I'm talking about cooking and cleaning. Sure WE got the place cleaned up when we first got here, but have you done anything for the place since then? Do you know how it looks that after working all day there isn't food on the table waiting for me?"
Ai glared at the man. "Need I remind you why we're here in the first place? Yes, we're hiding from the Akatsuki for now, but that's only until I'm ready to face them. I can't just be a dainty housewife. I need to train!"
"You can train WHEN you've got time. Our cover means nothing if we don't both play the parts," Jiro angrily pointed out.
"I'm not going to play the part of being a girl!" Ai spat out before stomping out of the room, the meal Jiro had made for remained untouched.
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The sun began to dip low, reaching for the horizon and signaling the end of another day of fence building for Jiro. As he worked to put away the tools with Daiku and Mokkou, Terasen walked towards them. Greetings passed between them, though there seemed to be an unspoken conversation between Daiku and the town leader.
"Mokkou, go take the tools home and check on your brother," Daiku ordered firmly.
"Why am I being left out?" Mokkou groused, suspecting what the conversation might be about. "I'm older than he is."
"Being older doesn't mean being more mature," Daiku shot back at his son. "Now go."
"Fine," Mokkou snapped. "Don't think I don't know what's going on."
After the boy had stomped a fair distance away, Terasen let himself smirk. "That boy is too bright for his own good."
"If only he'd apply it in ways that'd help himself," Daiku agreed.
Jiro stood there, wondering about the now half-spoken conversation. "What brings you here, Terasen-san?"
Terasen's smile took a distinct edge to it. "I was wondering if you'd share a drink with me?"
Jiro shrugged. "Sure."
Daiku folded his arms. "Trouble with the wife?"
Jiro blinked. "Why do you ask?"
"You didn't even think for a second about her before agreeing," Terasen pointed out.
Jiro scratched the back of his head. "Er... I guess. It's just... I don't know how to relate to her."
Terasen laughed. "Boy, you'll never fully relate to girls."
Jiro let out a forced sounding laugh, but for an entirely different reason.
Daiku patted the boy on the back. "Look, Ai's a wild girl, right? Lived on the streets most her life."
Jiro nodded. That was completely true, even ignoring their cover story.
"She's never been trained in wifely duties, has she?" Terasen pressed. "She only knows how to fight and survive, right?"
Jiro blinked. How did they know she could fight? He would have to talk to her to keep their stories the same.
"So why do you think she knows what you expect of her?" Terasen shook his head. "Didn't you fall in love with her because she was wild? That she wasn't a maid for you to have kids with, but a real girl?"
Jiro took a step back. "Er... yes...."
"Go home and talk to her," Daiku advised. "Don't screw up or my son may just take Ai from you."
"You had better _talk_ _with_ her," Terasen stressed. "Telling her something isn't going to get you anywhere. Marriage is nothing without compromise. You're two people trying to live together, with two sets of wants and needs that don't always mesh."
Jiro nodded slowly. "I guess...."
"You gave up everything for her, didn't you? And she left everything she knew to be with you, right? You both left the only homes you've ever known just to be with each other. Don't go wasting that sacrifice for petty squabbles and differences. And don't go thinking it's been easier for her because she had less to lose. She broke down and cried into my wife's arms." Terasen then pushed the boy towards home. "Now remember why you love her and go to her, boy."
"Yes, sir," Jiro replied unsteadily. Ai was crying? Why would she ever cry?
"Think he'll screw it up?" Daiku asked, while Jiro was still close enough to hear.
"If he knows what's good for him, he won't." Terasen shook his head. "I still don't believe he had the choice of prettier girls than Ai."
Daiku shrugged. "Until those two get their act together, Mokkou is going keep looking at Ai."
---------------------
Jiro arrived home and was surprised to smell food cooking. He frowned remembering the argument he had with Ai about that last night. Perhaps he had expected too much. After all, Naruto certainly had no bridal training. He had somehow thought Ai would take up the expected roles of a married woman. Had he played the role of a wife whether faking it as 'Ai' or for real as Hinata, Naruto would've come home to a clean house and a cooked meal.
He froze upon entering the kitchen and found his fake wife hunched over and clutching her waist. He quickly moved towards her. "Ai, are you okay?"
Ai gazed up weakly at him. "Sorry if I've been bad at this."
Somehow the girl apologizing made him worry all the more. "What's wrong?"
"I think I'm dying," Ai confessed weakly. "I can barely stand up with these cramps. I'm bleeding. And I can hear the Kyuubi howling in pain."
Jiro blinked. "Where are you bleeding from?"
"Down there," Ai answered unsteadily.
"From your arse or the other hole?" Jiro pressed.
"The other one," Ai asserted weakly.
Jiro let out a loud laugh. "You're not dying."
"How do you know?" Ai snapped.
"You're just having a period," Jiro informed smugly. "This explains why you've been so moody."
"What are you talking about? Aren't periods the different classes we have at school?" Ai growled, not liking her faux husband's demeanor in the least.
"Ai, a period is when a girl's body flushes away it's last attempt to become pregnant. Every girl goes through this once a month. You're just going to have to deal with it." Jiro's amusement at the situation came to an abrupt end from Ai punching him across the room and through the wall.
Ai panted as she stood up. "Don't joke about this shit. I ain't going to get pregnant. And there's no way girls could possibly go through this much pain every fucking month."
There was no reply while Ai stomped her way towards the young man. She froze seeing that he was unconscious and his face slightly disfigured. She slowly shook her head and scooped Jiro up and carried him to their room.
---------------------
Ai applied what little first aid she knew to Jiro. She knew enough that her punch had fractured his cheekbone. She hadn't intended on doing that. He had pissed her off, and she had retaliated yet the force was more than she had expected. She could guess how it happened. That the Kyuubi added his own power to her own. How it could slip those bonds so easily eluded and disturbed her.
Now all Ai could do was sit besides her fake husband. The prepared dinner was untouched and had grown cold. Despite missing two meals in the past two days, Ai didn't feel hungry. She frankly didn't know how she should feel.
A moan brought her attention back to Jiro. "Are you okay?"
Jiro winced as he touched the side of his face. "You hit me?"
Ai bowed her head. "Sorry. I got upset over your stupid joke."
Jiro sighed. "I wasn't joking. Periods are something every girl goes through. I had them often enough to know."
Ai scowled. "Then how long do these fucking cramps last?"
"Two to three days. You're probably feeling them more as you're not used to them," Jiro surmised. "They never caused me much pain, and any discomfort they caused had Dad telling me to just deal with it."
"There's no way I can deal with this!" Ai hissed. "It hurts too much to walk. I can't train. Especially if it weakens the seal on Kyuubi. I didn't mean to crack your face like that. He made that happen."
Jiro frowned, realized his face really was 'cracked.' No wonder his cheek hurt so much. "Ai... we have to talk."
Ai turned away. "We certainly do. Anything else I should know about being a girl you've neglected to tell me?"
"Well, I'm going to have to show you how to deal with the bleeding so you don't destroy your underpants," Jiro informed with barely a trace of the amusement he held before.
Ai grumbled under her breath. "Why does this happen every month?
Jiro shrugged weakly. "It's the way of nature. Just look at it this way, because you're bleeding-- you're not going to be a mother soon."
Ai scowled darkly. "Does that mean I might end up pregnant without a guy touching me?"
Jiro wanted to laugh at the girl's naivete, but that would hurt too much. "No. Getting pregnant requires a guy to do things with you." He then gazed at the girl. "You do know what needs to be done to do that right?"
Ai looked down at her crotch. "I got a good idea." He then glared at the young man. "And I ain't letting you or anyone else do that."
"I told you before I have no plans on being a _father_," Jiro asserted. "Being a _mother_ after this is all done is another matter."
Ai laughed a little. "I'd take being a dad over a mom any day."
---------------------
Sakura barely contained her laughter while Jiraiya was having a good laugh at the story of Ai's first period. Both earned a harsh glare from Ai for their amusement.
"Just because we sat down and talked didn't end the misunderstandings," Jiro mentioned.
"No amount of talking can do that," Tsunade groused, more than a little annoyed at Jiraiya for both laughing at this and intentionally ditching Ai so he wouldn't be around during her first period.
"No kidding." Ai huffed. "Mokkou certainly added his share to it. For the longest time I didn't realize he was flirting with me."
"Forgetting you were a girl and not 'one of the guys?'" Sakura guessed with a giggle.
Ai shrugged. "I guess. I wasn't used to GUYS looking at me like that." She then pouted. "Or girls for that matter. I was kind of blind to that sort of stuff."
"Tell me about it," Jiro muttered.
"Can we get back to the debriefing?" Tsunade ordered.
"Fine." Ai shook her head. "That first period was a bitch to deal with. Even after Jiro's help, I ended up asking Teijo and the other women of the town about ways to cope with the damn thing. They were of more help than Jiro was. Apparently Hinata never had periods nearly as bad as I do."
"What did you do about the Kyuubi slipping through the bonds?" Sakura wondered.
"I wasn't going to risk summoning anything during the period, but as soon as I was better I did. Gamakichi passed my message to Jiraiya, and the reply back was really annoying." Ai glared evilly at the legendary ninja.
"What? I don't know much about periods and stuff like that. Having you summon frogs to observe you while you train was a good safety measure," Jiraiya defended as if it was the greatest plan of all time.
"So you left her to worry about the Kyuubi breaking free with marginal observation while you scouted bathhouses?" Tsunade growled.
"I was tracking down information on the Akatsuki and Orochimaru for you, your highness. Don't go getting on your high horse about this," Jiraiya snapped.
"Your top priority was making sure Naruto was safe, or had you forgotten him in your so-called research?" Tsunade shot back.
"And what do you expect me to do when she was NOT having a period? The frogs were to tell me when it happened the next time so I would be able to observe her," Jiraiya pointed out.
"And why didn't I see you when that happened?" Ai hissed.
Jiraiya folded his arms. "I like my face in one piece."
Ai flinched at the accusation.
"And when did Ai's second period happen?" Tsunade pointedly asked her ex-teammate.
Jiraiya scratched the back of his head. "That was a long time ago. You can't expect me to remember the date."
"How many times did you have sex last year?" Tsunade barked out.
"Ninety-seven." Jiraiya blinked. "What does that have to do with this?"
Tsunade slammed her hands onto the table. "It shows your lack of following orders for one. What would've happened if the Kyuubi became unsealed while you were off being a pervert?"
"I would've taken care of it. I know where my priorities lie," Jiraiya argued.
"It sure doesn't look like it from where I'm standing," Tsunade spat.
"They sound like they're married," Jiro commented dryly.
"It certainly reminds me of a few fights," Ai agreed.
Jiraiya and Tsunade instantly turned red-faced and sputtered denials, causing the younger people in the room to start laughing.
Tsunade folded her arms. "Ai, Jiro, continue with your report."
Ai shrugged. "Sure. Where were we? Oh, right. I cracked Jiro's face. Thankfully, his healing salves helped heal his face. We still got a few looks from the town about what I did. We came up with a story about me being trained by a retired ninja, so my ability to fight would be explained. However, the fact I could land such a blow on Jiro showed his training was lacking."
---------------------
Gamakichi yawned, covering his wide mouth with his webbed forelimb. "All right, let's see you what can do."
Jiro frowned at the talking frog. "What is it you expect me to do?"
Ai cracked her knuckles. "A simple sparring match with me."
Jiro's expression didn't change. "To what level?"
"Anything except genjutsu," Gamakichi stated firmly.
"Why restrict me from my strength?" Jiro wondered.
"Because it'd be pure idiocy to try to use genjutsu against an Uchiha," Gamakichi groused. "It simply will not work against Itachi."
"Besides, you hit with me with genjutsu and don't do anything to make me realize it's an illusion, the match is over. There would be no challenge for you," Ai added.
Jiro was a tad surprised that Ai would admit such a weakness. His expression hardened. "This time no genjutsu. Another time we'll work to improve your ability to resist it."
Gamakichi nodded. "A good plan. Now, go beat each other senseless."
Ai didn't waste any time launching into a low sweeping kick, which Jiro dodged by jumping straight up. That proved to be a mistake for the boy as the girl brought her leg in quickly and launched herself up into an uppercut. It took all Jiro had just to pull his chin back to avoid the blow, but that caused him to land on his back. Ai came back down leg extended in a kick, which her faux husband had to roll to avoid being hit.
Gamakichi yawned again. Watching Jiro run away from Ai. This wasn't a case of the boy holding back, not wanting to hurt the girl. Ai was on such an offensive that Jiro could do nothing but dodge or block.
"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" Ai cried out, creating four copies of herself.
Gamakichi flinched as Ai proceeded to use the now ill-named 'Uzumaki Naruto Rendan' on the boy, launching Jiro into the air with numerous kicks from the clones and then slamming him back down to the ground with a devastating kick from above.
Ai folded her arms in annoyance. "I thought you were a Chuunin."
"With my best jutsu either unusable or prohibited," Jiro pointed out with a groan.
"If you're supposed to protect me, you gotta get better," Ai groused. "You be nothing more than a rock in a road to the Akatsuki. If even that."
"What can I do?" Jiro muttered. "I don't have time to train all day and do work to make us money."
Ai scrunched her eyebrows in though, but then grinned. "You'll just need to be in two places at once."
"You're going to take my place?" Jiro wondered.
Ai leaned against one of her clones. "Nope. I'm going to teach you to do this."
---------------------
"We had some concern about our shadow bodies saying something stupid and us not knowing it, but Jiro quickly realized that when the clone was dispelled, he immediately knew everything the other bodies did." Ai shrugged. "I never noticed it before then as I had only used it in battle. Finding out that certainly helped speed up our training."
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "You didn't notice that before?"
"I just said I only used it in battle before. Never took the time to think about it," Ai retorted firmly. "With Jiro and I literally being in two places at the same time, we were able to train and keep appearances of being married."
Considering this was a debriefing from an eighteen-month long mission, they've been moving at a fairly fast pace. Still, Tsunade didn't want to get bogged down with details. "Let's not worry about little things. What's the next major event that happened?"
"Ah, that would be almost a month after settling at Hitozatohanareta. There was a little... situation when we helped take some of the local farm's crops to the market," Jiro recounted.
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Author's Notes:
Coming Next:
Chapter 5 - Falling Rain
A routine trip to Tsuji didn't prove to be so routine.
Chapter 4 - Abnormal Normalcy
By: Lord Archive
Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, all rights reserved. I'm only borrowing them.
---------------------
Putting a fence around a farm was hardly an easy task. Especially when the property owners could not consistently help due to the other jobs that running the farm required. That left Daiku, Mokkou and Jiro doing most of the work. They had spotted the giant boar during their work, but thankfully the monstrous beast had chosen to not challenge them.
After a long day of work, Jiro wanted nothing more than a good meal that was ready to eat. Arriving home, he found the place empty as he had for the past few days. He muttered under his breath as he began to make dinner.
Ai arrived home shortly after he had finished cooking. "You make enough for me this time?"
"Yes," Jiro growled out.
Ai huffed. "What's the problem?"
"The problem is you're not playing your part," Jiro grumbled. "We're supposed to be married and you've done nothing that a wife should."
"Get your head out of the toilet," Ai hissed.
"Not that." Jiro slammed his hand onto the table. "I'm talking about cooking and cleaning. Sure WE got the place cleaned up when we first got here, but have you done anything for the place since then? Do you know how it looks that after working all day there isn't food on the table waiting for me?"
Ai glared at the man. "Need I remind you why we're here in the first place? Yes, we're hiding from the Akatsuki for now, but that's only until I'm ready to face them. I can't just be a dainty housewife. I need to train!"
"You can train WHEN you've got time. Our cover means nothing if we don't both play the parts," Jiro angrily pointed out.
"I'm not going to play the part of being a girl!" Ai spat out before stomping out of the room, the meal Jiro had made for remained untouched.
---------------------
The sun began to dip low, reaching for the horizon and signaling the end of another day of fence building for Jiro. As he worked to put away the tools with Daiku and Mokkou, Terasen walked towards them. Greetings passed between them, though there seemed to be an unspoken conversation between Daiku and the town leader.
"Mokkou, go take the tools home and check on your brother," Daiku ordered firmly.
"Why am I being left out?" Mokkou groused, suspecting what the conversation might be about. "I'm older than he is."
"Being older doesn't mean being more mature," Daiku shot back at his son. "Now go."
"Fine," Mokkou snapped. "Don't think I don't know what's going on."
After the boy had stomped a fair distance away, Terasen let himself smirk. "That boy is too bright for his own good."
"If only he'd apply it in ways that'd help himself," Daiku agreed.
Jiro stood there, wondering about the now half-spoken conversation. "What brings you here, Terasen-san?"
Terasen's smile took a distinct edge to it. "I was wondering if you'd share a drink with me?"
Jiro shrugged. "Sure."
Daiku folded his arms. "Trouble with the wife?"
Jiro blinked. "Why do you ask?"
"You didn't even think for a second about her before agreeing," Terasen pointed out.
Jiro scratched the back of his head. "Er... I guess. It's just... I don't know how to relate to her."
Terasen laughed. "Boy, you'll never fully relate to girls."
Jiro let out a forced sounding laugh, but for an entirely different reason.
Daiku patted the boy on the back. "Look, Ai's a wild girl, right? Lived on the streets most her life."
Jiro nodded. That was completely true, even ignoring their cover story.
"She's never been trained in wifely duties, has she?" Terasen pressed. "She only knows how to fight and survive, right?"
Jiro blinked. How did they know she could fight? He would have to talk to her to keep their stories the same.
"So why do you think she knows what you expect of her?" Terasen shook his head. "Didn't you fall in love with her because she was wild? That she wasn't a maid for you to have kids with, but a real girl?"
Jiro took a step back. "Er... yes...."
"Go home and talk to her," Daiku advised. "Don't screw up or my son may just take Ai from you."
"You had better _talk_ _with_ her," Terasen stressed. "Telling her something isn't going to get you anywhere. Marriage is nothing without compromise. You're two people trying to live together, with two sets of wants and needs that don't always mesh."
Jiro nodded slowly. "I guess...."
"You gave up everything for her, didn't you? And she left everything she knew to be with you, right? You both left the only homes you've ever known just to be with each other. Don't go wasting that sacrifice for petty squabbles and differences. And don't go thinking it's been easier for her because she had less to lose. She broke down and cried into my wife's arms." Terasen then pushed the boy towards home. "Now remember why you love her and go to her, boy."
"Yes, sir," Jiro replied unsteadily. Ai was crying? Why would she ever cry?
"Think he'll screw it up?" Daiku asked, while Jiro was still close enough to hear.
"If he knows what's good for him, he won't." Terasen shook his head. "I still don't believe he had the choice of prettier girls than Ai."
Daiku shrugged. "Until those two get their act together, Mokkou is going keep looking at Ai."
---------------------
Jiro arrived home and was surprised to smell food cooking. He frowned remembering the argument he had with Ai about that last night. Perhaps he had expected too much. After all, Naruto certainly had no bridal training. He had somehow thought Ai would take up the expected roles of a married woman. Had he played the role of a wife whether faking it as 'Ai' or for real as Hinata, Naruto would've come home to a clean house and a cooked meal.
He froze upon entering the kitchen and found his fake wife hunched over and clutching her waist. He quickly moved towards her. "Ai, are you okay?"
Ai gazed up weakly at him. "Sorry if I've been bad at this."
Somehow the girl apologizing made him worry all the more. "What's wrong?"
"I think I'm dying," Ai confessed weakly. "I can barely stand up with these cramps. I'm bleeding. And I can hear the Kyuubi howling in pain."
Jiro blinked. "Where are you bleeding from?"
"Down there," Ai answered unsteadily.
"From your arse or the other hole?" Jiro pressed.
"The other one," Ai asserted weakly.
Jiro let out a loud laugh. "You're not dying."
"How do you know?" Ai snapped.
"You're just having a period," Jiro informed smugly. "This explains why you've been so moody."
"What are you talking about? Aren't periods the different classes we have at school?" Ai growled, not liking her faux husband's demeanor in the least.
"Ai, a period is when a girl's body flushes away it's last attempt to become pregnant. Every girl goes through this once a month. You're just going to have to deal with it." Jiro's amusement at the situation came to an abrupt end from Ai punching him across the room and through the wall.
Ai panted as she stood up. "Don't joke about this shit. I ain't going to get pregnant. And there's no way girls could possibly go through this much pain every fucking month."
There was no reply while Ai stomped her way towards the young man. She froze seeing that he was unconscious and his face slightly disfigured. She slowly shook her head and scooped Jiro up and carried him to their room.
---------------------
Ai applied what little first aid she knew to Jiro. She knew enough that her punch had fractured his cheekbone. She hadn't intended on doing that. He had pissed her off, and she had retaliated yet the force was more than she had expected. She could guess how it happened. That the Kyuubi added his own power to her own. How it could slip those bonds so easily eluded and disturbed her.
Now all Ai could do was sit besides her fake husband. The prepared dinner was untouched and had grown cold. Despite missing two meals in the past two days, Ai didn't feel hungry. She frankly didn't know how she should feel.
A moan brought her attention back to Jiro. "Are you okay?"
Jiro winced as he touched the side of his face. "You hit me?"
Ai bowed her head. "Sorry. I got upset over your stupid joke."
Jiro sighed. "I wasn't joking. Periods are something every girl goes through. I had them often enough to know."
Ai scowled. "Then how long do these fucking cramps last?"
"Two to three days. You're probably feeling them more as you're not used to them," Jiro surmised. "They never caused me much pain, and any discomfort they caused had Dad telling me to just deal with it."
"There's no way I can deal with this!" Ai hissed. "It hurts too much to walk. I can't train. Especially if it weakens the seal on Kyuubi. I didn't mean to crack your face like that. He made that happen."
Jiro frowned, realized his face really was 'cracked.' No wonder his cheek hurt so much. "Ai... we have to talk."
Ai turned away. "We certainly do. Anything else I should know about being a girl you've neglected to tell me?"
"Well, I'm going to have to show you how to deal with the bleeding so you don't destroy your underpants," Jiro informed with barely a trace of the amusement he held before.
Ai grumbled under her breath. "Why does this happen every month?
Jiro shrugged weakly. "It's the way of nature. Just look at it this way, because you're bleeding-- you're not going to be a mother soon."
Ai scowled darkly. "Does that mean I might end up pregnant without a guy touching me?"
Jiro wanted to laugh at the girl's naivete, but that would hurt too much. "No. Getting pregnant requires a guy to do things with you." He then gazed at the girl. "You do know what needs to be done to do that right?"
Ai looked down at her crotch. "I got a good idea." He then glared at the young man. "And I ain't letting you or anyone else do that."
"I told you before I have no plans on being a _father_," Jiro asserted. "Being a _mother_ after this is all done is another matter."
Ai laughed a little. "I'd take being a dad over a mom any day."
---------------------
Sakura barely contained her laughter while Jiraiya was having a good laugh at the story of Ai's first period. Both earned a harsh glare from Ai for their amusement.
"Just because we sat down and talked didn't end the misunderstandings," Jiro mentioned.
"No amount of talking can do that," Tsunade groused, more than a little annoyed at Jiraiya for both laughing at this and intentionally ditching Ai so he wouldn't be around during her first period.
"No kidding." Ai huffed. "Mokkou certainly added his share to it. For the longest time I didn't realize he was flirting with me."
"Forgetting you were a girl and not 'one of the guys?'" Sakura guessed with a giggle.
Ai shrugged. "I guess. I wasn't used to GUYS looking at me like that." She then pouted. "Or girls for that matter. I was kind of blind to that sort of stuff."
"Tell me about it," Jiro muttered.
"Can we get back to the debriefing?" Tsunade ordered.
"Fine." Ai shook her head. "That first period was a bitch to deal with. Even after Jiro's help, I ended up asking Teijo and the other women of the town about ways to cope with the damn thing. They were of more help than Jiro was. Apparently Hinata never had periods nearly as bad as I do."
"What did you do about the Kyuubi slipping through the bonds?" Sakura wondered.
"I wasn't going to risk summoning anything during the period, but as soon as I was better I did. Gamakichi passed my message to Jiraiya, and the reply back was really annoying." Ai glared evilly at the legendary ninja.
"What? I don't know much about periods and stuff like that. Having you summon frogs to observe you while you train was a good safety measure," Jiraiya defended as if it was the greatest plan of all time.
"So you left her to worry about the Kyuubi breaking free with marginal observation while you scouted bathhouses?" Tsunade growled.
"I was tracking down information on the Akatsuki and Orochimaru for you, your highness. Don't go getting on your high horse about this," Jiraiya snapped.
"Your top priority was making sure Naruto was safe, or had you forgotten him in your so-called research?" Tsunade shot back.
"And what do you expect me to do when she was NOT having a period? The frogs were to tell me when it happened the next time so I would be able to observe her," Jiraiya pointed out.
"And why didn't I see you when that happened?" Ai hissed.
Jiraiya folded his arms. "I like my face in one piece."
Ai flinched at the accusation.
"And when did Ai's second period happen?" Tsunade pointedly asked her ex-teammate.
Jiraiya scratched the back of his head. "That was a long time ago. You can't expect me to remember the date."
"How many times did you have sex last year?" Tsunade barked out.
"Ninety-seven." Jiraiya blinked. "What does that have to do with this?"
Tsunade slammed her hands onto the table. "It shows your lack of following orders for one. What would've happened if the Kyuubi became unsealed while you were off being a pervert?"
"I would've taken care of it. I know where my priorities lie," Jiraiya argued.
"It sure doesn't look like it from where I'm standing," Tsunade spat.
"They sound like they're married," Jiro commented dryly.
"It certainly reminds me of a few fights," Ai agreed.
Jiraiya and Tsunade instantly turned red-faced and sputtered denials, causing the younger people in the room to start laughing.
Tsunade folded her arms. "Ai, Jiro, continue with your report."
Ai shrugged. "Sure. Where were we? Oh, right. I cracked Jiro's face. Thankfully, his healing salves helped heal his face. We still got a few looks from the town about what I did. We came up with a story about me being trained by a retired ninja, so my ability to fight would be explained. However, the fact I could land such a blow on Jiro showed his training was lacking."
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Gamakichi yawned, covering his wide mouth with his webbed forelimb. "All right, let's see you what can do."
Jiro frowned at the talking frog. "What is it you expect me to do?"
Ai cracked her knuckles. "A simple sparring match with me."
Jiro's expression didn't change. "To what level?"
"Anything except genjutsu," Gamakichi stated firmly.
"Why restrict me from my strength?" Jiro wondered.
"Because it'd be pure idiocy to try to use genjutsu against an Uchiha," Gamakichi groused. "It simply will not work against Itachi."
"Besides, you hit with me with genjutsu and don't do anything to make me realize it's an illusion, the match is over. There would be no challenge for you," Ai added.
Jiro was a tad surprised that Ai would admit such a weakness. His expression hardened. "This time no genjutsu. Another time we'll work to improve your ability to resist it."
Gamakichi nodded. "A good plan. Now, go beat each other senseless."
Ai didn't waste any time launching into a low sweeping kick, which Jiro dodged by jumping straight up. That proved to be a mistake for the boy as the girl brought her leg in quickly and launched herself up into an uppercut. It took all Jiro had just to pull his chin back to avoid the blow, but that caused him to land on his back. Ai came back down leg extended in a kick, which her faux husband had to roll to avoid being hit.
Gamakichi yawned again. Watching Jiro run away from Ai. This wasn't a case of the boy holding back, not wanting to hurt the girl. Ai was on such an offensive that Jiro could do nothing but dodge or block.
"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" Ai cried out, creating four copies of herself.
Gamakichi flinched as Ai proceeded to use the now ill-named 'Uzumaki Naruto Rendan' on the boy, launching Jiro into the air with numerous kicks from the clones and then slamming him back down to the ground with a devastating kick from above.
Ai folded her arms in annoyance. "I thought you were a Chuunin."
"With my best jutsu either unusable or prohibited," Jiro pointed out with a groan.
"If you're supposed to protect me, you gotta get better," Ai groused. "You be nothing more than a rock in a road to the Akatsuki. If even that."
"What can I do?" Jiro muttered. "I don't have time to train all day and do work to make us money."
Ai scrunched her eyebrows in though, but then grinned. "You'll just need to be in two places at once."
"You're going to take my place?" Jiro wondered.
Ai leaned against one of her clones. "Nope. I'm going to teach you to do this."
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"We had some concern about our shadow bodies saying something stupid and us not knowing it, but Jiro quickly realized that when the clone was dispelled, he immediately knew everything the other bodies did." Ai shrugged. "I never noticed it before then as I had only used it in battle. Finding out that certainly helped speed up our training."
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "You didn't notice that before?"
"I just said I only used it in battle before. Never took the time to think about it," Ai retorted firmly. "With Jiro and I literally being in two places at the same time, we were able to train and keep appearances of being married."
Considering this was a debriefing from an eighteen-month long mission, they've been moving at a fairly fast pace. Still, Tsunade didn't want to get bogged down with details. "Let's not worry about little things. What's the next major event that happened?"
"Ah, that would be almost a month after settling at Hitozatohanareta. There was a little... situation when we helped take some of the local farm's crops to the market," Jiro recounted.
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Author's Notes:
Coming Next:
Chapter 5 - Falling Rain
A routine trip to Tsuji didn't prove to be so routine.