Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Breaking the Habit ❯ Chapter 2: Like opening the wound ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Breaking the Habit
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke, Naruto/Itachi, Naruto/various
Category: Drama, romance, slash, yaoi, Smut, Mpreg
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Rape, Non-con, Mpreg, Angst SPOILERS!!!!!!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Naruto or its chars. They are property of major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Breaking the Habit " by Linkin Park.

Breaking the Habit

Chapter 2: Like opening the wound

Pain…that's all I could feel. It engulfed my entire body like fire, burning every nerve and cell inside me.

Something is wrong. Why hasn't my pain dimmed? Why has it gotten worse? It feels like I'm burning up. Sweat is stinging my eyes.

I slowly opened my eyes blinking them rapidly before I opened them half way and glancing around me at my surroundings. A room with white walls and sliding paper doors, wooden window shutters as well as paper windows. I was laying on a futon on the floor close to a set of space heaters that was on at full blast, heat pouring off of them and onto me. I tried moving but my body felt heavy and clumsy.

“Awake,” I heard Kakashi ask from the direction of the doorway.

I turned my head slowly to look at Kakashi as he walked towards me with a white porcelain bowl balanced on one hand while the other held a smaller porcelain bowl that had contained a hot substance that had small wisps of steam rolling off of it.

He knelt beside me and sat the smaller down first somewhere near his legs before setting the larger one near my pillow. I watched as he pulled a clean white rag from the bowl beside my pillow, clinking and splashing sounded as he did so. He lifted it, wringing it slightly of to rid it of excess water before folding it and placing it atop my forehead.

“How are you feeling,” he asked looking down at me through his one visible gray eye.

“Hot...” I replied softly.

My voice sound so unlike me. It was thick and scratchy and very soft. Even as I thought this I felt the cool damp rag leave my forehead only to be replaced by Kakashi Sensei's hand, cold from wringing the rag out in the ice water. His hand felt so…nice.

“Your fever has gone up again. I'd say you're around 104 at the moment. Any hallucinations,” he asked with an attempt at humor.

I gave him a small smile as I struggled to stay awake.

“Where are we?”

“We're at a small village at the bottom of the mountain,” he answered while dipping the rag back into the ice water in the large porcelain bowl.

“You kept going unconscious and then you started shaking and you developed a bad fever so I had Hinata and Kiba continue to Konoha in the hopes of bringing back a medic Ninja,” he said as he leaned over placing the cold rag on my forehead.

I closed my eyes for a moment. All went quiet. I felt the heat engulfing my body, the heaviness of my weak and sore body and the sting of a wound deep inside. The sting reminded me of whom and what had caused the excruciating pain deep inside my body and deep inside my heart.

I felt wetness on my cheeks which Kakashi's cool hand wiped away.

“Sleep, Naruto. Don't dwell on it.”

I nodded with closed eyes and felt hot tears escaping from the corners of my eyes. Kakashi Sensei's hand stayed on my cheek wiping away a few more tears and lending me a bit of comfort, comfort I wouldn't want any other time.

My eyes felt heavy and it felt like I was falling into darkness, darkness the shade of Itachi's cruel eyes. The same shade as Sasuke's.

I felt hands on my face and neck and then I heard Shizune's familiar voice calling my name.

“Naruto…”

I opened my eyes and looked blearily up at her, waiting for her face to come into focus. I closed my eyes again, my body trying to pull me back down into the dark calm of sleep.

“Naruto, I need you to stay awake. I have some medicinal herbs I'd like you to take. They'll help your fever go down as well as take away most of the pain your feeling.”

I nodded and tried sitting up, my body still felt heavy but not as heavy as it had before. I was almost in a sitting position when sharp pain shot through my lower body. I gasped and fell back on my pillow.

“Stay lying, you're still healing. It seems as though Kyuubi is no longer able to help you heal and I suspect that you will have these wounds for a while,” said Shizune in a sad tone of voice, a frown marring her pretty features.

I lifted my head and drank the proffered cup of steaming tea like substance. It had an odd taste, sweet and sour with a slight hint of bitter aftertaste. I managed to swallow the entire cup full and almost moaned in annoyance when she filled the cup with another batch of herbs and poured hot water into the cup from a small copper kettle sitting atop one of the space heaters.

“Don't give me that look. The first was a pain killer and this is to help with your fever,” she said as she held it to my lips a second time.

I drank half the cup pulling away to swallow and take a breath before I returned to the cup to finish it off. When it was empty I laid my head back on my pillow and turned to watch Shizune clean up a small mess around her. Her mess included rags stained crimson and brown and sets of bandage wrappers. It occurred to me then that I no longer wore my usual orange jumpsuit.

I lifted the edge of thick quilt that lay atop me and looked under to see a simple pale gray under robe and matching pair of pajama bottoms. Either Kakashi or Shizune had disrobed me. I was betting on Kakashi Sensei, although Shizune had most likely seen to my wounds.

I lowered the quilt and turned to look back at Shizune, “Will everything heal okay?”

She gave a startled look that turned to a soft smile, “Yes, you'll be as good as new in a week or two. Your wrists were rubbed raw from the shackles, you dislocated your right shoulder, and your ankle is sprained and…”

“I'll have problems sitting and using the bathroom for a while,” I offered with a smile.

She looked at me with a mixture of surprise, shock, anger and sadness, “I…we...”

“It's okay Shizune San.”

“I'm afraid you'll have to inform Tsunade sama.”

I nodded. Shizune would be there when I told Tsunade bachan and Kakashi Sensei would most likely be there to fill in the missing pieces. I closed my eyes and turned away.

Tsunade bachan, Kakashi Sensei and Shizune would know the whole story in a day's time and a part of me didn't want them to know. I'm a ninja and these things happened on occasion when on missions but to think that something so personal, so embarrassing, so painful would be told to others. I wanted to keep it deep inside, lock it away and make others forget that it had ever happened in the hopes that I could forget it had happened. This was something that I didn't want to share. It made me feel dirty and used. I felt like a lesser person.

I forced those thoughts aside cleared my throat which seemed to have gone thick with the force of threatening tears.

“When will we be able to leave?”

“Hmm…Well if your fever lowers enough we can leave tomorrow morning but at a slow pace. I'm going to go see about renting a cart to get you home in,” answered Shizune while standing up.

I sighed.

“Naruto, everyone has to rely on others some time in their life and now that you have people who care and worry about you why not take advantage of it? It doesn't make you weak or less of a person.”

I didn't reply.

I had tried relying on someone and in the end they had left me without as much as a goodbye. Of course we met again and then he tried to kill me. He returned three years later and then he rejected me completely without reserve. Relying on someone is going to be hard.

“Think on it and then get some more sleep.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that!?”

“Because you need it, you needed sleep way before any of this happened, you looked like the walking dead before you took this mission. Now sleep and stop complaining,” she said while grinning.

I watched as she slid open the paper door and stepped out carrying the trash of dirty bandages and rags. She turned to give me a small smile before sliding the door closed.

I watched the door and listened to the quiet thud of her footsteps until I could hear nothing and then I sighed and turned to look up at the ceiling. I could feel the medicine taking effect already as the sharp pain ebbed away just a little, just enough to allow me to lay comfortably on my back. I felt a tad bit cooler and my mind a bit clearer and with a clear mind everything that happened was as clear as a spring day.

I couldn't stop the scenes from playing in my head. Itachi's cruel words echoing over and over while he raped me used me for his own sick pleasures. But something didn't seem right. Why, why did he kiss me with such gentleness when all was said and done?

I can't figure it out!

That man is more confusing than his younger brother and a tad bit less angst ridden but the psycho makes up for it.

What in the hell am I thinking!? I've gone and lost my mind! No matter what I do I keep seeing those deep ebony eyes and that solemn look on those handsome features.

No! He's a murderer, a cold blooded killer, a traitor and a rapist! But why…why do those simple kisses leave me unnerved! It's sick! I don't feel anything for him! He raped me and before that he tried to hunt me down to get Kyuubi.

I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. I looked down at my swollen and bandaged ankle and felt angry.

Angry at myself, angry at my weaknesses, angry at my feelings and emotions and angry at him and Sasuke for both making me feel unbalanced and confused.

I scooted over towards a chair and used it to help myself into a standing position. My ankle was jarred slightly and immediately started hurting but it didn't deter me. I leaned over and snatched up the quilt that had been covering me and limped my way over to the window sill. I sat on the wide ledge and brought my legs up carefully, not wanting to jar my once again aching ankle.

I wrapped the quilt around my body making sure that everything was inside my quilt cocoon before I reached over pulling back the paper shutter and then the thick wooden one until a small crack allowed me to view the small snow covered town outside. I leaned back against the wall and watched as the snow glistened in the moonlight, the falling snow from the other night laying a fresh pure blanket of snow over everything, as if it were helping to bury everything wrong and impure that had happened to me that day.

I closed my eyes and felt the cold air along my face and smelt the smell of pine and fresh snow.

I awoke to irritated complaining. I blinked my eyes open a few times before raising my closed fisted hands to rub at my sleep encrusted eyes in the hopes of clearing them enough to see who was complaining.

Once my eyes were clear and my mind a tad more awake I looked out into my room where I got a close up of Shizune's breasts as she leaned over me to close the thick wooden shutters before closing the paper ones.

“What in the hell were you thinking!? Oh, that's right, you weren't! You're sick with a fever so what do you do, you go sit by the open window instead of the warm space heaters!”

Once the windows were closed she took out a thermometer and stuck it in my mouth and under my tongue. I watched as she grabbed my wrist and turned it, placing her pointer and middle finger across my wrist to feel my pulse. She nodded after a moment and removed her fingers and then removed the thermometer.

“Your fever has surprisingly gone down to a little above 99 degrees which is almost normal. I'd prefer you at 98 degrees but beggars can't be choosers. I'd prefer to get you back to the village as soon as possible.”

The underlying worry was there. What she didn't say was that Itachi was still out there as were the other members of Akatsuki and that they were still a possible threat. Itachi was the biggest threat because he was a walking time bomb and one never knew what his behavior or actions could or would be. I agreed with Shizune, I'd rather be home and safe inside the village. Inside I felt like a bridge with too much weight, one more soldier and I would collapse in on myself.

On the outside I simply yawned and scratched my wild hair while watching her put away my bedding, continuing to rant as she did so.

“Do you need help getting dressed? I've brought some clean clothes. Not as bright and dazzling as your usual attire but it'll have to do.”

I slid my legs over the edge and with the quilt wrapped around my body I stood on my good foot and held out a hand to Shizune who smiled and handed me an armful of folded clothes.

“I think I can handle,” I replied as I turned away and set the pile of clothes on the windowsill ledge before sitting down next to them.

“I'll be back,” she said happily before leaving the room.

I unfurled the blanket from around my body and dropped it on the floor by my feet before unfolding the clothes Shizune had brought me, a pair of dark blue pants, white socks, black cotton boxers, a black wife beater, a black long sleeved turtleneck, a green and a thick black robe.

I slid off the pajama bottoms and stopped to stare at a large reddish brown patch in the crotch area of my borrowed pajama bottoms. I sat and stared until a knock at the door awoke me from my reverie.

“Naruto, are you okay in there?”

“Yes,” I yelled in reply to Shizune's question.

I tossed the pajama bottoms aside and slid on the pair of black cotton boxers very slowly.

It hurt to bend over and it hurt to move in certain directions. I was more than happy to sit still after putting on my boxers. I have never winded myself simply putting on boxers but I suppose there's a first for everything.

I sighed and bent over slowly to put my socks on. I put on the black wife beater and then once again very slowly and very carefully, slid on the pair of pants. The vest was easy and so was the black cloak but the boots looked difficult. I managed it very slowly and carefully and was about to tie the shoestrings when the door finally opened and a very worried and frustrated Shizune stepped through.

She stalked over and stopped in front of me, kneeling at my feet where she grabbed the shoestrings and tightened them before tying them for me.

“Thank you,” I said smiling down at her.

“I wish you would have just asked for help to begin with. You're going to be the reason I get gray hair,” she said in a dismissive tone.

“You can't blame your gray hair on me that was all Tsunade-baba's fault!”

She reached up and bopped me on the head before tying the other boot's shoestrings.

“We couldn't procure a cart and horse but I did manage to get a pair of crutches and we've got three more pairs of hands just in case.”

She stood up and dusted off her pants before turning to walk to the door where the all too familiar face of Neji Hyuuga stood holding a pair of dark wood crutches with bandages wrapped around the grip and underarm to make them more comfortable.

Shizune took the crutches from Neiji and walked over holding them out to me. I glared at them for a moment before standing up and placing the crutches under my arms. I took a few experimental steps and found the crutches an almost perfect fit. I hobbled my way over to my backpack someone had been kind enough to bring and opened it up before hobbling back over to the pajama's and sticking them inside.

I couldn't return them and I really didn't want to leave them behind for someone else to clean up or find. It was embarrassing and I would dispose of them when I returned home. I fastened my backpack and was about to put it on my back when a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

I looked up into Shikamaru's familiar face with his usual frown marring his handsome face.

“Don't be troublesome,” he said simply before taking my backpack and putting it on over his coat. I gave him a grin and muttered thanks.

“So, shall we head out,” called Kiba as he stuck his head in through the doorway.

I nodded and started hobbling towards the door. The others followed or moved out of my way as I made my way out of the room and towards a large pair of stairs. I glanced down them and took a deep breath before taking it a step at a time until I found myself on the last step with a grinning Kakashi looking up at me with something akin to pride in his eye.

I made my way towards him and he turned and walked to the door leading outside the Inn. He held it open for me revealing an almost clear pathway through the trodden snow.

I passed Kakashi Sensei and continued to slowly make my way down the path while the others walked behind me. I refused to look weak. I wanted to be home in my village in my house and in my bed.

I paid no attention to my surroundings; I kept my eyes on the road ahead of me and moved as I could on crutches. Kakashi had come to walk in front of me. Kiba and Shizune walked beside me which left Neiji and Shikamaru at the rear. I knew what they were up to. They had formed a protective circle around me. If someone attacked they would have a hard time getting to me.

I should have felt honored or privileged but instead it angered, annoyed and frustrated me. I sucked down my indignation and continued on refusing to look weak. I put all my strength into moving until sweat beaded on my forehead, my underarms began to hurt, my arms nearly shook and I could no longer feel my exposed hands.

“Let's stop here and make a fire,” said Kakashi in a light hearted voice.

I stopped moving and stood there glaring,” I can keep going.”

“No, you can't,” said Shikamaru.

I turned my glare on him, “I can keep going.”

“It's almost time for another does of medicine so I prefer we stop so I can boil the water to make your teas,” said Shizune giving me an almost begging look.

I looked away and hobbled my way over to a snow covered rock, using my right crutch to knock the snow from its surface before I sat down on it, setting my crutches aside.

“I'll get the firewood,” said Shikamaru as he walked off and towards a thick wooded area.

I watched as Neiji used Byakugen to search the area for anything or anyone that shouldn't be there. I was startled from my vigil when a cool hand touched my right cheek. I startled, looking up into Shizune's worried dark eyes.

She removed my headband and placed her hand against my forehead and frowned, “You're burning up again.”

I looked away causing her hand to leave my forehead, “We're going to rest and eat lunch and if your fever goes back down again I'll allow you to continue on.”

I nodded and turned to watch as Shikamaru returned carrying an armful of firewood. I felt Shizune leave my side and as I watched Shikamaru and Kiba make a fire I felt the weight of my stress finally fall on me. I sat there and stared out at the normal scene before me with unblinking eyes and wished I could undo what had been done.

I felt something heavy wrap around my body and then tighten at the front and a little bit of warmth returned to my cold body. My eyes began to blur and my legs began to shake involuntarily. My arms and fingers joined in and then I watched as the scenery around me suddenly flew by me like a bird taking flight into the sky and I was left starring up at a dismal gray sky. I lay there shaking and felt nothing.

I watched as faces appeared above me, worried and calling my name. Their voices got lower and lower and soon there was no sound just their mouths moving like a muted television show. I felt hands on my face and then another set joined them, holding open my mouth. I watched as a cup was placed against my mouth and I felt hot liquid fill my mouth, slowly draining into my throat. Hands massaged my throat helping it down and then another cup was lifted to my mouth and the same procedure was repeated. I coughed and wheezed around the liquid trying to breathe.

I watched as their faces blurred and then darkened and then there was nothing.

Rocking back and forth, a feeling of being rocked and the warmth of another's body told me that I was being carried. I slowly and with much effort opened my closed eyes. I blinked once, twice and thrice before I could finally see without the view being blurred.

I experimentally wiggled my fingers and watched them move stiff and slow. I inhaled and smelled a deep clean smell of pine, fresh paper and snow. I rotated my eyes upward and saw silver hair and a masked jaw line telling me that it was Kakashi that was carrying me.

“Awake Naruto - kun?”

I tried to answer but found it difficult so instead I settled for a slow, stiff nod.

“We're at the gate to Konoha now.”

I inhaled deeply and exhaled. I heard footsteps beside us and glanced over just as Shizune placed her hand against my forehead. Her cold hand felt so…nice against my fevered skin and I moved to nuzzle against it.

I heard a feminine chuckle and gave a small smile before closing my eyes again and allowing the movement of Kakashi Sensei's body and the heat of his body lull me back to sleep.

Quiet and warm. I snuggled into the soft clean smelling pillows and blankets wrapped around me and opened my eyes. I was in an all too familiar looking hospital room.

“It's nice to see you awake brat.”

I looked to my right and saw Tsunade - bachan standing with a clipboard in her hand.

“It's nice to see you too, Tsunade - bachan.”

I watched her smile a smile that reached her tired looking light brown eyes as she came over to a chair beside my bed and sat down.

“Kakashi and the others have given me their reports and all I need is for you to fill in the missing spaces.”

“You were able to interview all of them in the time that I've been out,” I asked incredulously.

“You were in and out of consciousness for a week brat. You had us all worried. Seems you went into shock when resting and a good thing to. You could have seriously hurt yourself had the others given in to your pigheaded stupidity.”

A week…that means it's been close to two weeks since then.

“Where would you like me to start,” I asked looking into her brown eyes.

“Start with what happened after you all separated,” she said looking at me intently.

I took a deep breath and began, “I had been walking around in search of the Snow Village when I started getting the feeling I was being followed. They attacked first with talisman and kunai. A talisman exploded and I jumped backwards landing on my ankle wrong when landing. A piece of rock landed on my head and it took me a moment to gain my bearings. I prepared to fight and found myself surrounded by Akatsuki members, Itachi among them.”

I watched her eyes go stern and her lips thinned as she bit down on the inside.

“They started saying that something was different about me and one of them used what I think was Byakugen and said my “chakra flows oddly” and that “you can barely differentiate the two forms of chakra” between mine and Kyuubi's. I'm pretty sure he's from the Hyuuga clan or another clan that branched off from the Hyuuga. He had the same pale eyes.”

I watched as she wrote on her clipboard and continued on.

“The Hyuuga-like person said that mine and Kyuubi's chakra flow together. They started discussing whether Kyuubi could be removed and decided that it couldn't and then Itachi used the same attack he used against Kakashi Sensei and Sasuke. I passed out and awoke in some sort of prison cell with my hands chained above me.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times before turning to look her in the eyes again, “I suppose they told you “everything”?”

“I know enough clues to make an educated guess as to what happened but I would like you to tell me as much as you are able so that I can say that it was more than here say when we finally catch that bastard.”

I sighed, “Itachi entered the cell and said that Kyuubi is no longer inside of me and that we had joined thus making me useless to the other members of Akatsuki. He said that they had voted to kill me but Itachi decided I was more valuable alive. He then said that Kyuubi was female.”

“That would explain what we discovered during your medical examinations. So you know that you now have a fully functional female reproductive system?”

I nodded and looked down at my lower body as I continued on, “He said he would use me as an experiment and gain a bit of a `profit' from it.”

I closed my eyes and watched the images of what had happened play in my mind like some sick porno flick, “He…he stripped me of my pants and then he entered me and continued to do so until he had finished and then he left me hanging there until I passed out.”

I sat there, my eyes quivering with unshed tears that I refused to shed and gave myself a mental pat on the back at the fact that my voice had remained normal. It was then as I recalled Itachi's words with a new clarity and I looked up and into Tsunade's carefully calculating eyes and saw the thoughts flying through her head were similar to my own.

I looked down at my flat gown covered stomach and lifted my bandaged right hand shakily, placing it over my abdomen. I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth and closed it a few times and turned to look into Tsunade's eyes which changed from hard and angry to soft understanding and sympathy.

“It's not certain that you are,” she said softly.

I felt my own hot tears flow over my lower lashes leading hot salt water rivers down my cheeks.

“Even if you have the reproductive system there's no guarantee that you'll actually be able to conceive. Not even women can conceive