Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Everyone Else is Doing IT ❯ Naruto loves surprises ( Chapter 2 )

Everyone Else is Doing IT

(part 2)

SasuNaru

 

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

 

______

 

It was official.

 

He had a problem.

 

Naruto rubbed his face with his hands. How in the world had this happened to him? But he knew how. And it was all their fault. Fangirls.

 

“I'm sorry, they? What are you rambling about, Naruto?” Shikamaru asked tiredly, not only because it was one in the morning.

 

Naruto had been about to launch into a tirade about brainwashing, but said instead, “Uh nevermind. Forget I called.”

 

Shikamaru sighed heavily, translating into: Fat lot of good that does me as I'm trying to get back to sleep.

 

Naruto hung up with him, and flopped back onto his bed. The glowing of his computer screen taunted him. He rolled over, turning his back to it. Can you get addicted to porn? Porn starring you and someone you never ever EVER thought about that way previously?

 

Naruto groaned, and tried to devise a way that he could blame this on Sasuke-bastard. Unfortunately, he was completely innocent. Well, no, that wasn't true. He had kissed Naruto (in order to shut him up) but that moment had taken over the whole of his thoughts and made his obsession with yaoi fanfics that much worse.

 

He'd even read the rest of that fic with him and Neji, just because he couldn't get the sound of Sasuke reading it aloud to torment him out of his head. The dark haired boy could read porn aloud without so much as batting an eyelash. It had been torment all right. The fic hadn't been half bad, and hearing Sasuke's smooth voice reading it, made it unforgettable. He'd almost spasmed every time those dark eyes flicked his way.

 

A chime sounded on the computer.

 

Noooo. Naruto pulled a pillow over his head. No chatting. He just wanted to hide within the darkness of his room and the seclusion that the early hours past midnight afforded.

 

A faint, muffled double chime sounded.

 

Who was it? Most normal people would be asleep by now, especially when they had training in the morning.

 

Another chime.

 

Naruto's heart thudded in his chest. What if it was Sasuke?

 

He lifted the pillow off his head, allowing his curiosity to pull him to the whirring computer. Four windows had popped up on the screen. One, an antivirus message, another was an email notification. The last two, the reason for the double chime, was an instant message, and his away message popping up in response.

 

<FateHASu>: Hello

<Ramenluvr>: Hi FateHASu, I am currently away from my computer, please go away, I'm trying to suffocate myself.

 

Who the hell? Naruto wondered. He clicked on the stranger's window.

 

<Ramenluvr>: uh. hi?

<Ramenluvr>: who are you

<FateHASu>: Oh, you don't know me.

<Ramenluvr>: …

<FateHASu>: I'm an author on `Best XXX BL Naruto Slash'. I saw you've been visiting one of my stories a lot, and wanted to know what you thought of it.

<Ramenluvr>: er. it wasn't me. i mean, i share my computer, so…

<Ramenluvr>: hey, how would you know if i was reading anything or not??

<FateHASu>: You have to log in to the site. It allows us to track everything, and create statistics.

<Ramenluvr>: great. but how do you know my aim name? i didn't put it in when i signed up.

 

There was a lengthy pause.

 

<FateHASu>: Oh, that.

 

There was another pause.

 

<FateHASu>: I just guessed that it would be the same name as your login.

<Ramenluvr>: …

<Ramenluvr>: you realize that comes off as a bit stalkerish?

<FateHASu>: Does it? I apologize.

 

Naruto shook his head. What was up with people? Seriously. He stared at the aim window blankly, wondering what to say to freaky Fate.

 

A chime heralded a new message.

 

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Narutoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

<Ramenluvr>: …hey kiba

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Wassaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

<Ramenluvr>: stop it dog boy

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Aw. You're no fun. What's eating you?

<Ramenluvr>: at the moment? a stalker i think

 

Naruto turned back to the stalker's window.

 

<Ramenluvr>: so, are you a guy or a girl? i like to know who i'm talking to

<FateHASu>: A girl. Yes.

<Ramenluvr>: …

<FateHASu>: I am. Don't you believe me?

<Ramenluvr>: sure

<FateHASu>: So, what made you decide to check out a Neji x Naruto fanfiction?

<Ramenluvr>: er…someone i know introduced it to me

<FateHASu>: Anyone I know?

<Ramenluvr>: um… i thought you didn't know me?

<FateHASu>: I don't. But I might know your friend. I live in Konoha too afterall.

<Ramenluvr>: ………….

<Ramenluvr>: how do you know where i live?

<FateHASu>: It was on the sign in form.

<Ramenluvr>: no it wasn't. all it asked for was a name, login, email, and password

<FateHASu>: Oh, I apologize. I didn't mean to assume we were from the same village, I was just so sure I read that somewhere.

 

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

<Ramenluvr>: dammit kiba quit it. i hate when you type like that

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Yeah? Well I hate how you type in all lowercase.

<Ramenluvr>: good

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: You tart.

<Ramenluvr>: BWAHAHAAA! bite me

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: lol

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: How is the stalker coming?

<Ramenluvr>: not good. they might know where I live.

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Really?

<Ramenluvr>: but they say they don't know me

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Maybe they DO know you, and are just saying they don't.

<Ramenluvr>: hmm. they also said they were a girl, but all the stalker girls i know are after sasuke and are very open about it

<Ramenluvr>: plus, the stalker sounded suspicious when they said they were a girl

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: That cinches it. It's a guy, and you know him.

<Ramenluvr>: o______o;

 

Naruto leaned back in his chair. A guy that he knew… a guy who potentially writes yaoi fanfiction between him and Neji…

 

“ARGH! I put my real name in on that stupid form!!”

 

<Ramenluvr>: i'm not into naruto/neji by the way

<FateHASu>: No?

<Ramenluvr>: like i said, a friend showed it to me h- they were using my computer and login

<FateHASu>: Do they come over and use your login a lot? It would throw our stats off, you know.

 

The thought of Sasuke frequenting his house and accessing these scandalous stories, in his room, made Naruto squirm. How would that look to anyone else? Wouldn't it seem like they were fooling around? It only happened once! That doesn't mean anything.

 

<Ramenluvr>: no, no, nothing like that

<FateHASu>: Ah good. So what drove you to access the story 22 times?

 

Naruto flailed in his chair.

 

<Ramenluvr>: i… didn't read it all in one shot. and i don't leave windows open on my computer so i had to reopen it a lot

 

Naruto was sweating. Why did he feel like he was being backed into a corner?

 

<FateHASu>: Don't you find Neji x Naruto sexy?

 

Naruto jumped up. What the hell kind of question was that? This person already knew from that form that he was in fact Naruto. Even if that pairing had sort of grown on him (no thanks to you, Sasuke-bastard!) he couldn't say something like that. Who knows who this person was, and what they would do with anything he said.

 

<Ramenluvr>: no. i hate yaoi.

<FateHASu>: Then why are you reading it, hmm Naruto?

 

“GAH!”

Think, Naruto, think! Who could it be?? A guy, a guy who knows me, a guy who is computer and yaoi friendly, smart enough to write fics and stalk me through the internet….

 

 

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Hellooo?

<Ramenluvr>: shut up, i'm having a crisis!

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Fine then, noodle-head.

<Ramenluvr>: wait kiba! who do we know that is really smart, tricky, and potentially computer savvy??

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Er. Sasuke?

<Ramenluvr>: no @%@*^$* it isn't him

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Well excuse me

<Ramenluvr>: who else?

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Um… I'd say Lee, but he isn't tricky, isn't big on computers, and I don't think he could fool even you on aim.

<Ramenluvr>: *growls* then mention someone who DOES fit the profile!

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Neji?

 

Naruto stared at the screen. It was a profoundly odd person that Kiba finally came up with, but somehow, he couldn't discount it. And the nickname he chose - Neji did always go on a lot about fate when Naruto first knew him…

 

Now let's see if I can confirm it.

 

<Ramenluvr>: Neji

<FateHASu>: Yes?

 

HA! Naruto thought.

 

<FateHASu>: ewhat about him?

 

That second part sure got typed up fast. It even had typos!

 

He was still playing ignorant.

 

Dammit… time for tactic two… blast him with personal questioning and maybe he'll slip up and answer.

 

<Ramenluvr>: which site are you guys training at tomorrow? I couldn't get ahold of Lee, and I don't have your number. We need our location for tomorrow.

<FateHASu>: um…

<FateHASu>: i have to go.

 

Well damn. It looks like it really could be Neji! Holy Shit!

 

<Ramenluvr>: i think you were right!

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: So, does Neji have a grudge against you or what? Why would he pretend to be a stalker?

 

Naruto fidgeted. Crap! I can't tell Kiba that Neji maybe has a thing for me and that he's stalking me because I read a yaoi fanfic with us in it that he wrote, and that I read it a lot because Sasuke was reading it to me and I couldn't get him out of my mind.

 

<Ramenluvr>: i… don't… know. maybe he is still secretly mad about that sucker punch last year in our match.

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: He did seem to have a change of heart right around then. Stopped babbling about fate so much, and paid a lot more attention to you. You sure make the wrong people mad at you.

<Ramenluvr>: yeah….

 

Oh, good god, Kiba was right. Neji was paying a lot more attention to me after that. I just didn't notice him so much because he'd stopped being as much of a stuck up asshole to everyone. A few fleeting memories flashed in front of his eyes. All of a sudden the pale eyed boy seemed anything but girly and nothing short of terrifying. He was on par with Sasuke when it came to combat, each fought no holds barred and were cowing to see in action. What would happen if all that power and cunning was turned to stalking and obsession?

 

<Ramenluvr>: look i gotta go

<Kiiiiiiiiiiiba_18>: Sure

 

Naruto stared up at his ceiling and wailed. “WHYYYYY?!?”

 

---

 

“Naruto. You're acting strange.”

 

“No I'm not.”

 

“Look, everyone thinks so, so spill it.”

 

Naruto squinted up at the pink haired girl he used to have a crush on. Ah, he missed the good ole' days. Back when life was simple. “Who's everyone?”

 

It was very bright outside, but still preferable to the stuffy academy. He hated the non-combat training rotation. Bookwork was not his forte.

 

“It doesn't matter, does it?” she said with exasperation. “Everyone, everyone.” She waved her hands widely in the air.

 

Naruto stared down at his box lunch (Iruka had brought him one, to encourage him to eat more than ramen, and he was dutifully eating even the vegetables. But he wasn't sure if they were agreeing with him. He knew Sakura wasn't.)

 

“Hmmn,” he said.

 

“Naruto, that is not an answer!”

 

“What do you want from me, Sakura? Nothing's going on!” Nothing I can tell YOU about anyway. Keeping confidences wasn't one of her strong suits. Regardless, he wasn't sure he wanted to say what was wrong to anyone. Though he almost folded and told Shikamaru. That ended in another deep sigh of irritation from his friend when he got tired of listening to Naruto's silences and frantic, cryptic muttering. Naruto couldn't blame him. “I just want to sit here, under this big leafy tree, and enjoy my lunch.” Such as it is, he added mentally as he poked what he hoped was a pale piece of bamboo shoot. “Please leave me alone.” He had some serious issues to contemplate, like the stalker.

 

“Of all the nerve!” Sakura huffed. “I'm concerned about you, and this is how you treat me?” Apparently she thought Naruto would blindly cooperate since he was known to like her.

 

“And how am I treating you?” he asked her, rolling his blue eyes. “Like any normal person would, instead of like a love-sick puppy? Get over it.”

 

“FINE.” A lot was in that one word. Naruto saw her light eyes narrow. “What exactly is your relationship to Sasuke-kun?”

 

He regarded her with all the blandness he could muster, while almost choking. “Why?”

 

“You've been seen hanging out a lot, and you eat lunch with each other most days…”

 

Naruto gave her a weird look. “We're friends. Friends do that kind of stuff.”

 

“Since when are you friends?! You've been bitter rivals since… since forever, and all of a sudden, since that training Kakashi asked you to do, you're acting like the best of buddies!”

 

THAT. Naruto tried to suppress the train of thought that always sprung up where that day was concerned.

 

“We've always been friends underneath all that rivalry stuff.” He took a bite of sweet omelet, and said with his mouth full, “If you don't understand it, ask Sasuke.”

 

“Ugh!” Sakura said in disgust, chased off by his lack of manners as Naruto knew she would be.

 

He hadn't meant to be all that cranky, but he could hardly stand all the things swarming around in his brain. He felt more than a little wigged out about the stalker thing. He actually felt like hiding away somewhere until the whole thing blew over, or telling Sasuke so at least he'd have some good backup. He was really afraid that Neji would corner him somewhere, kick his ass, then haul him away somewhere to molest him like he did in that fic. He shivered. Could fear make him just like the weak kneed tremulous version of himself that was in the fic? He shuddered. That must be avoided at all costs.

 

---

 

Back home once more, Nartuo stared at his computer.

 

He scrunched up his face in thought as he rocked in the chair.

 

`Dear Sasuke,' he started the email, `I know that you have stalker problems…' He frowned at the oddness of using proper grammar. `I seem to have acquired one' He stopped. Hitting the backspace key repeatedly to erase that last bit he then retyped `I have recently acquired a stalker, but this one is more insidious than the rest.' No need to let the bastard know this was the first one (that he knew about). `Could you please,' his eye twitched at asking Sasuke anything so politely, but he really needed the help, `tell me how you keep them at bay?'

 

He looked over what he had written.

 

Dear Sasuke,

I know that you have stalker problems…

I have recently acquired a stalker, but this one is more insidious than the rest. Could you please tell me how you keep them at bay?'

 

Naruto

 

He added his name, then sent the email before he could talk himself out of it. Sasuke would be the expert on stalkers. Half the village was after his ass. Naruto wondered if he'd had to deal with any guy stalkers. He'd only ever noticed the girls. But then - maybe the guys were more sneaky about it?

 

He went to the kitchen to make a sandwich.

 

Halfway through his meal, he heard the distant ringing of his cell phone. “Aw crap!” He jumped up and raced to his room. “I was supposed to call Kiba about this weekend!” He flung clothes left and right, trying to unearth his phone. Fast approaching the last notes of his ringtone, the cellphone was almost ready to switch to voicemail. He launched a pair of cargo pants into the air, and saw it shining, bright and orange on the floor.

 

“HELLO!” Oops, that was louder than he'd meant to be.

 

Silence met his ears.

 

“Hello?” Had they hung up?

 

He strained to hear anything in the silence. Suddenly, loud rough breathing grated in his ear, and sent prickles crawling up his spine. “Who are you?!” he demanded. The breathing stopped. He hung up, then realized he never looked at the call screen. He was opening up his received calls log when the phone started ringing. Sasuke.

 

“'ello?”

 

“It's me.”

 

“Yeah,” Naruto said, getting his voice under control.

 

“Uh - That was me. I didn't realize you were so worked up over all this.”

 

“You?”

 

“Yeah. I was just messing with you - seeing how bad the stalker thing was.”

 

“BASTARD! What'd you do that for?! I nearly had a heart attack!”

 

“Your email was weird. It didn't sound like you.”

 

“Still!”

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't know the great Uzumaki Naruto was so afraid of a little stalker.”

 

“He's not little, and -“ Oh. Oops.

 

“He??”

 

Naruto sighed explosively. “Yes, I'm pretty sure it's a guy.” He flopped over onto the floor.

 

“Hn. Well, that's… different.”

 

“Wasn't like I got to choose who it would be, Bastard.”

 

“See, now that sounds like you. `Dear Sasuke' and all that… I thought you were ill.”

 

“What was I supposed to write? `Dear Bastard, I need help and it's all your fault?'”

 

“What's my fault?” Sasuke demanded.

 

“Um. Nothing.”

 

“Dobe.” Sasuke sounded like he was composing himself. “So who'd want to stalk you? And how is it my fault?”

 

“Um… Well, you see…” Nauto gave him a brief rundown, leaving out which story it was and how many times he'd read it, and that he suspected Neji.

 

“Naruto, that doesn't tell me anything. You left out a lot, didn't you?”

 

“…no.”

 

“So if you don't know who it is, how do you know this guy is `not little' as you said earlier?”

 

“…”

 

“And again, how, in any way could this be my fault??”

 

“Ugh. Well, you remember that fic you were reading at me to get me back for the one I sent you on aim?”

 

“Vaguely.”

 

“Well, it's the author of that fic, apparently.”

 

“What made them notice you out of all the people accessing that site then?”

 

Naruto groaned. The truth was getting trick right about now. If he told the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, he would be admitting more than he cared to about his recent infatuation with his friend.

 

“I sorta looked at it a couple times, and they saw my real name -”

 

“So you fancy yourself and Hyuuga now or something?” Sasuke's voice had sharpened minutely.

 

“Nooooo it's not like that!” Naruto wailed. “But they saw my name, my real name on the registration, and they decided to stalk me.”

 

“I guess it makes sense. They wouldn't write about you if they weren't into you. Though I wouldn't think they'd be much of a threat - they'd have to be brain damaged to want you, Dobe.

 

“Gee, thanks, asshole.”

 

“Glad to help.”

 

“But you haven't!”

 

“Whose fault is that? Not mine. You're the one who caught their attention, and you're the one who isn't telling me who you think it is.”

 

“Can't you give me some general pointers?”

 

“Ok, here's one: Bright colors attract attention. Why do you thing I wear dark colors all the time?”

 

“Because they look good on you?”

 

“Do they?” There was something like amusement in Sasuke's voice.

 

Naruto's eyes crossed as he realized what he'd just said. “I mean, since your hair is dark it all kinda matches?” he amended.

 

“Well, I wouldn't wear bright orange in any case.”

 

“But I don't really have anything else.”

 

“At least lose the jacket. You wear black shirts under that anyway.”

 

“Think it'll help?”

 

“Couldn't hurt.”

 

 

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