Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Forced Fate ❯ Tainted Love ( Chapter 11 )

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Disclaimer: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story would not exist.



Chapter Ten: Tainted Love



There were two things Sakura was sure of: one, she was completely, irrevocably, undeniably, and so unfortunately in love with Uchiha Sasuke. And two, much to her dismay it seemed she was forever cursed to love the dark haired genius unrequitedly. How simple, easy, and wonderful her life could be if only she could bring herself to fall in love with Uzamaki Naruto.

It wasn't the first time she'd contemplated what her life might be like if she could only let go of Sasuke and accept another; and it certainly wasn't the first time she came to the conclusion that pondering such a thing was ridiculous. She was so in love with the dark haired genius that any thought contrary was nothing short of laughable.

She stood above her bed, arms hanging limp, eyes lifeless, body tired, soul… weary. The entire room was just as it should be… dark and silent, a thundering void of sound and pitch black surroundings. It was a perfect match to how she felt… lonely and dead.

She stared down upon her bed with lifeless eyes. Without him in it the damned thing seemed so oversized, so cold, so… empty. Mechanically, she began stripping off her outer garments, revealing a small shorts and top set. As if walking to the gallows, she crawled between the sheets and readied herself for a sleep she knew would be slow in coming.

Slowly, almost of its own accord, her hand sought the hollow dip that once held Sasuke, it crawled across the bed tentatively as if afraid of what it would find. She waited to feel hot bare skin, but only met cold emptiness.

The moon peaked out from its curtain of clouds gently illuminating the room. She squinted as light hit her eyes, grit her teeth in irritation. Sakura could feel her temper rising, inner Sakura was growling. She hated the light. It was unwelcome, and though it was well-filtered and barely peaking in, it seemed a spotlight to her, mocking her solitude… intruding. It was just like Naruto, couldn't leave well enough alone. Didn't know when to go away. She gripped her pillow with angry frustrated fingers, hearing the scraping sound of straining cloth as her nails raked its surface in attempt to squeeze tighter.

She hated the world right now, hated being in the world. The tears were coming; she could feel the tickle in her nose as she fought to hold them back, and the hot moisture on her cheeks as she lost the battle. 'Dammit,' she silently swore. 'Of course weak little Sakura would cry now.' She mentally scorned herself, but the tears only came harder. She violently threw the pillow across the room.

Normally, in such a situation she'd feel the urge to run to Naruto, let him chase away her demons, her sadness, her everything, but not this time. For the first time in a long time the urge to run to Naruto was nonexistent. In fact the thought of seeing him only irritated her. If it weren't for him Sasuke might still be with her.

She'd had him. He'd been right in front of her, like a dream. She'd had so much she wanted to say to him, so many things she wanted to ask, but she was only able to get out his name before a knock came on the door.

Naruto had come to her concerned about their earlier actions, wanted to apologize, said it had been bothering him. He had looked awfully worried, like he'd ruined everything or really hurt her. She worked fast to convince Naruto that everything was okay, but his concern was not easily erased. He kept claiming he could sense that something was wrong. Eventually she'd gotten angry with him, screamed she was fine, and demanded he leave her alone. That was what it had taken to get rid of him.

By the time she'd shooed Naruto out the door, Sasuke was gone.

Naruto had come to her again, the morning after Sasuke's awakening; he was bright, cheerful, bringing a bagged breakfast for the two of them to share. She had politely told him she wasn't feeling well, was really tired, and wanted to be alone for a while to rest. Normally Naruto would have listened and obeyed, but he'd thought she was avoiding him because of the night before.

Sakura tried to reassure him that it was nothing of the sort, which was partly true, but Naruto wouldn't believe it. He pushed and pushed; granted, he sounded worried he'd really hurt her, but dammit as sweet as his concern was she needed alone time!

"Naruto please… I'm begging you. Just leave me alone. Go find Hinata. She's heartbroken over you dating me. She's a sweet girl; open up your eyes and see her. You'd be good for each other. Just forget about me." She'd just started ranting like a mad woman, involuntarily of course. She'd felt herself on the verge of breakdown. She didn't want him there for that. He'd try to comfort her, and she didn't want that. She didn't want anything from him but solitude.

No longer did she want Naruto's arms around her, not unless it was in friendship, and even then she didn't want it now, maybe not ever. As long as he believed he was her boyfriend, his comfort and his touch would feel violating. She was done with all of that, done pretending, done hiding, done playing with him… just done

"Just go away." She commanded him. Her voice was flat, resigned, but every bit serious. When he was quiet, she added more. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Naruto. I know you don't understand, but I can't talk to you about it right now. Please… just give me some time." This time her voice was soft and caring. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. She was going to come clean, tell him everything, hopefully still have his friendship, but not today. Today she needed time.

His familiar smile lit his face, and strangely enough she couldn't help but give him one herself. Only he could have forced a genuine smile out of her in such a moment. Well… he and one other. The thought of the other erased her smile quickly enough. Thank goodness Naruto's back was turned for that.

Convinced she'd be okay, he left with a bounce in his step and a sniff to the fresh clean air. Sakura shook her head as she watched him. He loved life so much, was pleased by the littlest things. Some would call him simple for that. She thought him lucky. She envied such a carefree attitude.

Sighing, she closed the door and made for her couch. She wasn't ready to face her empty bedroom yet. She couldn't even bring herself to sleep in her bed the night he'd left. So she sat on the couch staring at a blank TV, and there she stayed for hours, until she finally came to her bedroom.

Memories of Sasuke's comforting presence played through her head. She remembered his warmth, his even breathing, strong heartbeat… God she missed him. Curling in on herself, she sobbed until sleep finally took pity on her.

---

He stalked around her bed, never taking his eyes from her. He looked every bit a predator of the night, an ethereal deadly creature with stark contrasting alabaster skin and impossibly dark eyes. He was dressed in all black, silent in his footsteps, and frighteningly powerful in his grace. Any onlooker might fear for the innocent pink-haired girl he so intensely studied exposed to one who appeared every bit the seductive vampire.

Sakura had drawn him back; somehow she'd called him back to her. He'd already passed the Konoha gates, and was well into the surrounding forest when he felt an impossibly strong urge to turn around, like he was under some sort of spell or jutsu. His return journey almost felt against his will, like he was a puppet being controlled.

He flexed his fingers, alternating between tight fists and outstretched hands. He was extremely irritated at being in her presence again. He looked at her slightly parted mouth, her beautiful cherry lips… It had been so damned hard to leave her; it had near killed him to do it, but he had, and now, inexplicably he was back. What the hell was it with this woman?

He paced before her bed like a caged tiger, intent on escape, but unable to leave. He mentally screamed, feeling the emotional hooks Sakura had so securely stabbed into him holding him down, securing him to her. He wanted to jump on the bed, wrap his fingers around her neck and squeeze until her influence left him, until she let him go.

He needed to get back to Orochimaru, needed to get away from Konoha, needed to pay that little prick Gaara and his siblings a visit, needed to kill Itachi… His eyes cut through the air to land on the beautiful kunoichi. She looked so innocent, not at all the cunning witch that had so entranced him.

'Why?' He felt like he was going to explode. Why couldn't she love Naruto or Lee, or someone, anyone but him. He was extremely resentful of her love, but at the same time the thought of being without it left him feeling emptier than he ever thought he could.

She had so thoroughly fucked with him while he was unconscious he couldn't leave her, stay away from her. She had screwed with him in a most intimate and emotional way. It bothered him. He felt strangely violated, like she crawled inside him and seeped into every corner of his being. He couldn't help but see her as an enemy that attacked him, weakened him, manipulated him… 'What have you done to me?'

Mentally he was sobbing, screaming, pounding the floor, breaking things as her violations pounded through his mind.

'I always thought you were beautiful.' He could still feel the touch of her hand on his face. 'The first time I saw you I knew I wanted you for mine.' The delicate caress of her fingers as she brushed hairs from his brow. 'I love you.'

God he wanted her touch, wanted to touch her back. She was everything he'd lost so many years ago. He felt for her what he thought he could never feel again. It was wonderful, terrifying, and it definitely pissed him off. He hadn't planned this dammit.

'I will always love you… even if you die. But I promise you… If you die, my heart and soul will die with you.' Would her voice and words forever follow him around like this? Would the memory of her touches haunt him the rest of his days?

He felt absolutely destroyed. What would Orochimaru say if he knew that a young woman with sweet words and gentle touches could defeat one of his top ninja? He felt like a stranger in his own body, like a second soul had invaded him and shoved his real self into a dark corner, only to watch in horror as it systematically ruined everything he'd built this past two years.

He looked down on Sakura's sleeping form, and for the first time since he'd come back to her he really saw her. She was curled in on herself, huddled in fetal position as if she'd fallen asleep in great pain. The moon highlighted her face, making visible steaks of long dried tears.

He'd always known it, always said it, but never before had he truly felt it like he did now… he was a bastard. It was because of him she'd cried, because of him she was so pitifully curled in upon herself as if reaching out for a comforting presence and finding none.

It was a scene that radiated vulnerability, loneliness, hurt… and he immediately hated himself. He wanted to hold her, stroke her hair, protect her, undo all the hurt he'd caused… 'I don't want her to hurt her anymore!' He mentally roared.

As if pulled by an invisible leash, he reluctantly made his way to the side of her bed, looking every bit a wild animal held against his will. His steps were slow; they appeared forced, painful…

He sat on the bed, his back to her face, and stared blankly out the window. He was trapped. Outside the air was cool, outside the sky was clear and full of stars, outside most of Konoha was asleep. He should be back out there, on the road, traveling home… Only moments ago he had been.

Sasuke sighed placing his head in his hands. 'What the hell do I do now?'

"Sasuke."

He turned at the sound of her soft whisper; his name sounding like a longing cry, a plea. "Don't." She whimpered, and he watched in horror as tears began seeping from her closed lids. She was still sleeping… Even in her sleep he haunted her.

He closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath. His emotions were a mess, internally warring with each other. He stood from his seat on her bed, and began pacing again something that was quickly becoming a habit where she was concerned.

It felt like everyone and everything was pulling at him, yanking him in different directions. He was the only one that could heal Sakura, the only one that could kill Itachi, make him pay for his crimes, stop him from hurting others. He was the only one that Orochimaru wanted as a vessel; he lived and breathed only because Orochimaru deemed it okay. He belonged to the snake sannin. His master could kill him at any time through the seal.

He ran his hands through his hair, grasping them behind his neck and allowing his elbows to fall freely. It was an action that clearly showed his agitation if his pacing a small circle didn't.

How was he supposed to do it all? What happened to the Sasuke that had been willing to leave her behind, to the Sasuke that had given up everything to finish his goals?

He looked at her slumbering figure, his gaze drawn to one delicate hand that peaked out from the covers. It was curled up as if trying to grasp something invisible. It reminded him of a child, and suddenly Sakura seemed so small and fragile.

He knelt down beside the bed, placing his hand over hers, closing his larger fist around her smaller one. He rested his forehead on their clasped hands. 'Sakura.' He'd caused her so much pain. He hadn't wanted to, had never meant to; hell he'd even tried to prevent it by pushing her away. She just always refused to go.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' God his heart ached. He'd never meant to hurt her or Naruto; it had just happened that way. They were important to him; he did care about them. But he couldn't stay with them… then or now.

He wanted so much to let himself go, to give himself to her, but she had to know that he wouldn't stay, couldn't stay. His life was not his own. As long as Orochimaru existed, he could never give her what she wanted.

He was so much more at peace with Orochimaru. The thought of living in Konoha, of going back to the way things were, sounded appalling to him. It was a fate he feared worse than death. He hated Konoha, full of smiles and laughter and… friendship. He'd never felt like he belonged, always felt separated from everyone. It had always been his cage; one he never regretted escaping.

Sasuke had given himself to Orochimaru willingly, and quite truthfully he couldn't bring himself to regret that decision. He wasn't ashamed of who he was. He had needed what Orochimaru gave him, strength, support, confidence, experience... He still needed that. His anger and hurt was too great to be undone so quickly and easily, and until it was gone, dealt with, he'd be no companion for anyone.

He was grateful to her for the endearing words she'd bestowed upon him, grateful to have felt her caring touch, grateful to her for making him feel so loved, something he hadn't felt since his clan's massacre. But… he couldn't return that favor. Perhaps in a different life, perhaps if circumstances had been different…

Gently, fondly, he traced the lines of her eyes… her nose… her… mouth. Slowly he leaned in and placed a chaste kiss upon her lips. "I would have made you mine." He whispered, meaning every word, rising from his kneeling position to leave… again.

He stood at her bedroom door for what seemed an eternity, staring at her sleeping form. Good God he couldn't do it. He knew he had to leave, knew there was no possible way for him to stay with her. He had one reason to stay with her, but five not to.

There was so much standing in their way. Orochimaru, Itachi, the Sand, Konoha… But he wanted her. He could no longer fight against it. The damned woman had ripped down all his defenses, and God help him he wanted her.

He walked to her bedside again, needing one last look.

He couldn't take his eyes from her sleeping face. She looked so peaceful, so pure, so… beautiful. For a small moment in time he wanted to crawl out of his shell and show her how much she really meant to him. What he could show her if he weren't Uchiha Sasuke the avenger, Orochimaru's assassin, possession and future vessel…

'Just what the hell have you done to me Sakura?' He silently asked, lying down beside her, his chest to her back. He closed his eyes, holding her against him, breathing her in. He really did love her.

Her body unwound, lessened in its protective curl allowing him to pull her to him, unconsciously reveling in the comfort of his embrace.

He crushed her to him, holding her tight, mentally wishing he could stay there with her, be hers. She wanted to belong to him, but he wanted to belong to her too. He longed to have someone to anchor him and love him. He wanted all the things she did, maybe even more, but… He'd have to go back to the Sound sometime…

Sasuke buried his face in the nape of her neck, inhaling the scent of her hair… 'hyacinths'. He loved that smell. He loved it because it was her smell.

For once he wanted to forget about everything else, forget anything else existed, and just be with her. It might not be forever. It might only be an hour, a day, a week… However long he could, he wanted to be with her.

She barely stirred beside him as he held her close and nuzzled her hair. She was sleeping soundly, and soon so was he.

A/N: I ended it here, because I didn't really want to give you guys the usual cliffhanger.