Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Help Me To Remember ❯ Miscarriage ( Chapter 7 )

I don't own this!

 

Miscarriage (n) the expulsion of a fetus before it is viable, esp. between the third and seventh months of pregnancy

caused by a genetic defect, or a severe trauma to the uterus; spontaneous abortion

 

(VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: *Make sure to read the memories at the end all the way through. There's a reason I've put them in for… what… the third time?*)

 

“Is she going to be alright?!”

 

“You need to leave! This room is sterilized, you can't be in here while we're operating!”

 

No, don't make him go, please don't make him go. She moaned heavily.

 

“Please sir!” the doctor shoved him again. Her fiancé, he was really her fiancé.

 

Christ. She would have shaken her head if she could. Her mind sickened her to no ends when she was high on adrenalin like this, she was always thinking the wrong things, she was dying on a hospital table and she was thanking god that they were getting married and that she was having his baby.

 

The baby!! Her eyes wrenched open and she screamed, her adrenalin finally being cleared by that slap to the face so that she could feel the pain of her wounds again.

 

“Get her some anesthesia!” the doctor barked, and then tried to push him out the door again. That golden color… he was so important to her… who was it? She couldn't see…

 

“Please sir, you need to leave!”

 

“Unless you want her to die.” His older sister appeared behind him, her hair color almost as bizarre as his. He froze, and then grabbed the doctor's collar, yanking him forward.

 

“If anything happens to her, it'll be your head. Just try me and see if I'm kidding.” He growled in a voice so quiet she thought he'd become a demon.

 

“I will not let her die sir, now please go!”

 

“Come on!” Sasuka's older brother took his hand and pulled him out. The doctor moved to shut the door, and his older sister stuck her foot in the way, leaning in closer. She looked purely menacing, and Sasuka felt her adrenalin levels rise again.

 

“Loosing your head is going to be a blessing compared to what I'm going to do if you let her die.” She threatened before yanking the door harshly shut in his face. The doctor stood motionless before her words actually kicked in and he jumped into action, yanking on his gloves and barking for the nurses to join him at the table.

 

“Is she under?” he asked quickly, reaching for a blade.

 

“Yes, she wouldn't feel if you slit her throat.” A nurse nodded.

 

The doctor stiffened. “Don't joke about that, they think I am going to, so I don't need any useless rumors started. Scalpel!” he barked suddenly.

 

Sasuka could feel anything. They hadn't had anything stronger, so she was awake, but even though she could see the blade slipping easily into her flesh, she couldn't feel anything.

 

“The baby…” she moaned, her voice sounding like it was being dragged over sandpaper.

 

“We're going to start with the baby.” the doctor told her gently. “We need to perform a C-section to get to the main source of your wound. Alright?”

 

Sasuka nodded meekly, trying not to hyperventilate. No, she was stronger than this, she would endure.

 

“Alright, I'm doing the Pfannenstiehl incision,” he traced the blade along her lower abdomen before switching positions, “and now the fascia is being cut, and the first layer of the peritoneum next.”

 

Sasuka groaned heavily at the pressure inside of her; she could not say truthfully that she was fine with it, and it was made worse by the fact that he wound still felt like it was being burned off with acid.

 

“I'm moving to the second layer of---oh, the second layer of the peritoneum was already cut by the attack, I will be moving onto the next step.”

 

Sasuka's breathed increased. It was already hit? She didn't know what the hell it was they were talking about, but whatever it was, it was very close to her baby. Too close.

 

Please no. She prayed, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly, they hurt.

 

“The uterus was also cut in the attack, nurse, please assist me with the birth.” He waved a girl over. She nodded and ran forward, knowing perfectly well that the threat over the doctor's head was on hers as well.

 

“Got it.” She called out. Sasuka panicked as the woman started walking away with her baby, but forced herself to relax. She needed to survive to be with them, her new family.

 

But are babies supposed to be that still? The nagging voice in the back of her head poked her.

 

Shut up! She screamed. No, no, no, no, NO! Shut up! Just shut up!

 

“Remember to wipe the face for fluids and clean out the nose and throat. I'm now sewing up the uterus, and then we will sew up her wound.”

 

Sasuka forced her breathing to stay even. 1, 2, 1, 2, in, out, in, out. She would not panic, she would not allow herself to panic… but why couldn't she hear the baby crying? Was she that low on blood?

 

Am I going to die?

 

“Done.” The doctor announced, backing away from the table with a relieved sigh, and then leaning over to make sure that she was actually still alive.

 

He walked proudly to the door and opened it. “She---”

 

He was cut off harshly as he raced in, sliding across the slick floor and skidding to a stop by her head, sinking to the floor with a loud, relieved sigh.

 

“Hey.” He laughed breathlessly, taking her hand gently.

 

She managed a smile, one that quickly turned into worry. “The baby… I don't know… I haven't seen him yet…” she looked back over to the nurses, who were unusually still. She felt so empty, there was nothing inside of her now, and she couldn't help but miss the feeling that there should be.

 

“Doctor.” One said quietly.

 

“Yes?” he turned, a proud aura still radiating off of him, it quickly diminished when he saw her stance.

 

“What wrong…?” Sasuka asked weakly. Something was very wrong. Extremely wrong.

 

“Tell me what's wrong.” She snarled, her lip curling back to reveal her teeth. No, no it can't be!

 

The doctor practically ran over to the table and pushed the nurses out of the way. He checked a few things, before stepping back, his stance the same as the nurses.

 

Sasuka growled, threatening wordlessly to cause some serious damage, when the doctor turned and looked her right in the eye.

 

“My lady,” he paused, “I'm so sorry, but your body was unable to handle the strain of the wound and your pregnancy.”

 

Sasuka's eyes went wide, and he gripped her hand so tight, it was painful. “No.” she breathed. “Please, don't.” she begged him not to say the words that were going to end her life.

 

“I'm sorry, your son was stillborn.”

 

Her world was ending, crashing, splitting in two. She was numb, she couldn't think.

 

“Still… born…” he breathed, his grip on her hand even fiercer than before. The doctor nodded before turning back to Sasuka.

 

“Would you like to hold him?” the doctor asked gently.

 

Sasuka couldn't move. She couldn't even twitch, and she was sure she wasn't breathing. This couldn't be happening, it was not happening!

 

He nodded slowly, detaching himself from her hand to hold his arms out, nodding weakly as he did. The doctor signaled the nurses with a nod before walking back to the half open door to report everything to Sasuka's family.

 

The nurses stepped aside, and one of the women stepped quietly over, a small bundle of white cloth stained with little blots of blood was cradled gingerly in her arms. She stopped in front of the couple and bit her lip before passing the bundle to him.

 

He sat back on his knees, looking blankly at the infant.

 

Sasuka swallowed audibly and reached out, her arms shaking violently. He stood and walked over to her, placing the bundle in her arms.

 

She drew in a shuddering sob and looked at her baby. Her son. His hair was dark, like hers, and he was perfectly formed. His ears might have been the cutest things she'd ever seen and his tiny hands poking over the top of the cloth, set so he looked to be holding the blanket. He looked so calm and peaceful, like he was sleeping.

 

Another sob racked a body that didn't feel like hers, and tears that she didn't recognize the tears fell onto his perfect cheek. She couldn't explain the pain that made it impossible to breathe, and her chest was tightening painfully as she forced herself to accept it.

 

He was dead.

 

And then he was holding her, and her free arm was strangling him in her vice grip as she sobbed uncontrollably into his neck, his sunshine-golden hair hiding her face, their son pressed gently between the two.

 

“Sasuke! Sasuke!”

 

Sasuke's chest hurt, and the watery tracks down his cheeks felt weird against skin that hadn't tasted tears in years.

 

His eyes were overflowing with salt water and his fingers were raw from ripping at the carpet. He whimpered loudly at the loss of the hands on his shoulder.

 

That sunshine-golden hair, it was hovering above him. Sasuke launched himself and molded himself against the body above him, his nails digging into Naruto's back. Part of his mind had recognized the boy as Naruto and was trying to push away, but the other part was screaming for the boy Sasuke had welded himself against, pleading for Sasuke to never let go.

 

“Sasuke?!” Naruto's hands shot reflexively around Sasuke's back, and Sasuke sighed at the warmth on his back before another violent breath almost caused him to choke.

 

“I lost him. I'm so sorry. It's my fault, I'm so sorry.” Sasuke gasped into Naruto's neck. He didn't know what made him say it, but it was so painful, he couldn't keep this bottled up like the other things he had hidden all his life.

 

Naruto tensed visibly against Sasuke, his entire form going rigid before he melted, clutching Sasuke close.

 

“Shh, it's ok, I'm here.” He whispered into Sasuke's hair. Sasuke was half aware of Kyuubi shoving everyone who had entered to see what was happening back out the door, slamming it shut behind her, and he was more grateful than he'd ever been in his entire life, and gripped Naruto tighter.

 

“I'm here, its alright, I'm here.” Naruto sat back on his heels gently, pulling Sasuke against his chest.

 

She was sobbing so hard her throat was on fire, and she was almost positive she was strangling him, but he still held her, and kept whispering, “It's alright, it's ok, I'm here.” over and over again.

 

“It's my fault.” Sasuke choked out, Naruto's arms tightened around him.

 

“It's not your fault, don't ever say that again. Nothing you did caused this.”

 

“Nothing you did caused this.”

 

“It's not your fault.”

 

“It's not your fault.”

 

Sasuke shoved out of Naruto's grip, shaking as he stood. His eyes were wide and he was sure he was staring at Naruto like the boy had twelve heads, but Naruto's expression of sympathy never wavered.

 

Sasuke staggered back; it was too familiar, too real for any sort of comfort. The pain in his chest made it impossible for his heart to beat regularly. He shook his head, wiping the tears frantically from his eyes before breaking for the door. He slipped through the crowd gathered outside the door faster than a greased eel and raced down the hallway, ignoring numerous girls shouting for him and thundering after him.

 

Later

 

Half an hour later, Sasuke had finally managed to ditch his fan club and had ended up in town. The tears had stopped flowing long ago, and since he had nothing better to do (because of the no homework from teachers again) he had decided to walk around town. His hands were deep in his pockets against the cold, though he didn't allow himself to be cold. Uchihas didn't get cold. The shivering was just from… breathing so hard from running all that time. Yeah, that was it.

 

He shivered again and looked back at his feet and the way he kicked up flurries of snow every time he stepped.

 

He was sure someone had said those things to him before, it had not been a coincidence of him just hearing those things as he passed someone.

 

Sasuke shivered, but didn't allow his muscles to tense to get away from the cold.

 

Fuck. Why the hell did I run? He felt like he was tearing his heart out when he shoved out of Naruto's arms, and it was so painful running from Naruto that Sasuke didn't even want to think about it. Almost as painful as Sasuka loosing the baby in the dream was.

 

Fuck. He swore again, looking up and praying to see that golden hair.

 

He saw golden hair.

 

His feet ground to a stop and he tried to process what he was seeing, then it hit him like a cement block across the head. Naraka was standing over in one of the shop windows, bent over as she inspected something in the windows. She was wearing a black, button-down, dress coat, her orange scarf danced around her in the wind, and the bottoms of her black pants and orange sneakers poked out from under the coat. Sasuke huffed, but decided that the feeling of closeness this girl had given him last time would be sufficient for the real Naruto right now.

 

“Hey.” He grunted, stopping silently behind her.

 

Her head cocked to the side, and she straightened, as smile replacing her confused expression as she saw him.

 

She opened her mouth to say something, which turned into a gape as her eyes scanned his form up and down well over ten times.

 

“What?” Sasuke snapped, thanking the gods that it was too cold for his self-conscious blush to be visible on his cheeks.

 

“Why don't you have a coat?!” she shrieked, tearing hers off her shoulders. “Do you have any idea how cold it is?!” she thrust hers into his hands.

 

Sasuke blinked before shoving it right back.

 

“I'm wearing six other sweatshirts under this.” She said proudly, tugging at the orange sweater she was wearing before shoving it back into his hands. “Put it on.” She ordered.

 

Sasuke considered not doing it just to tick her off and to get the point across that he didn't take orders, but… he could feel the remains of her warmth through the coat, and decided it was better than freezing, so he slipped it on. Instantly, a smile stretched across her delicate features and she folded her hands happily behind her back. Sasuke resisted the sudden—and very strong—urge to smile back.

 

Her eyes skimmed him again and she giggled. “Were you running around in the snow for the past half hour by any chance? Your pants are soaked.”

 

Sasuke looked down—noticing that the coat reached his lower thighs instead of all the way to his knees—to see that his ankles were drenched. Damn girls.

 

“Hn.” He grunted, looking away. She just giggled, pissing him off even more.

 

“So what are you doing out here anyway?” she turned back to the window. Sasuke's brow furrowed when he saw what she was looking over. A surprisingly large assortment of daggers and other small hand weapons were laid out in the window of a small shop that Sasuke didn't even know had existed until now.

 

“Hiding.” He muttered dryly.

 

She raised an eyebrow. “From what?”

 

Is that… worry? His brow furrowed as he watched her expression change. “Fan girls.” He said finally. No point in pretending, she's already seen them once.

 

“Oh, them?” she asked, a hint of hatred tinting her voice slightly.

 

Just like last time. Sasuke remembered. “Hn.” He looked away again.

 

“So you go to Konoha High?” she asked him, tilting her head to the side to watch how the light glinted off the blade of a dagger resting diagonally against a cushion. He nodded curtly, even though he knew that she was facing away from him.

 

“I'll take that as a yes.” She laughed, straightening back up. “Do you… uh…” she waved her arm randomly in front of her, “uh…”

 

“What?” Sasuke snapped, not wanting to be standing out here longer than he had to after the sun had gone down.

 

“Go for a walk?” she ask meekly, cringing away from him slightly.

 

“You don't want to.” She said quickly, looking down at her hands. “So I will see you some other time?” she was talking so fast he could barely tell one word from the next.

 

“Hn.”

 

She nodded, and the turned, her golden pigtails swaying in the wind.

 

“Naraka.” He said softly, making no effort to raise his voice. It wasn't worth it, she was just a substitute for Naruto right now. “I've got some time.” He said flatly.

 

Naraka turned slowly, a sad look in her eyes as she shook her head. “It's too easy.”

 

Sasuke's brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

 

He smile grew, but it was obviously forced. “To see that you don't want to be with me. I understand, everyone changes over time, so now…” she took a deep breath, “I just have to move on too.”

 

What the hell is she talking about? She's acting as if she's known me forever.

 

“I'm not going to push you Sasuke, and… I hope you find someone who makes you happy.” With that, she turned and disappeared into the snowy air.

 

Sasuke looked down and swore. He still had her coat on.

 

X X X

 

Over the next week, Naruto grew increasingly distant. His smile never wavered, and he always teased the Uchiha, just like before, but it was forced. A mask. Just pretend. Naruto was always out of the dorm and in class before Sasuke had even woken up, and he always went to bed early so as to never see Sasuke when he came home. His ramen was kept in his room, and for some reason, every supported this. Kiba always brought him the hot water for his ramen and Gaara camped out in his room so as to keep up his `protector' position.

 

Somewhere along the way, Sasuke began to snap. Though he would never, ever, in a million and one years admit it—even to himself—he desperately missed his blonde dead-last. Naruto was the most hyperactive, most unpredictable, most idiotic, stupidest boy there was around, and Sasuke was going to get in the bath and slit his wrists if he didn't have some sort of contact with Naruto in the next two days. Things were getting out of hand.

 

Sasuke opened the door after a day of classes and headaches and froze at the sound of Naruto's voice.

 

“You really gotta leave?” he whined.

 

“Runt.” Sasuke could practically Kyuubi rolling her eyes. “I have another bumping job.”

 

“At least call it an assassination to sound like you know what you're doing.” Naruto returned.

 

“I don't need to sound professional kit, people already know who I am. I had an underground bar call the police the other day just to get me out of there. Idiots.” She chuckled. “Naturally, they were the only ones arrested. If an assassin doesn't want to be caught, they wont be.” Sasuke heard the snap of two backpack clips and the sound of fabric on fabric as she slid it onto one shoulder.

 

Sasuke pressed his back against the wall as she appeared in the hallway, though he knew it was useless. She smirked at him as she reached for the door handle.

 

“See you kit.” She called over her shoulder, stepped halfway out the door before turning to Sasuke.

 

“He misses you.” She whispered. “Try and remember, it shouldn't be this hard, push past the fear. The Uchihas pride themselves in not having any fear, now live up to it.” Her eyes narrowed almost threateningly and she closed the door in Sasuke's bewildered face.

 

Fear? He stared at the ground, trying to make any sense out of her words, the sound of Naruto sighing jolting him back to reality. He padded softly to the kitchen and poked his head around, finding Naruto nibbling on some burnt fish. Sasuke blanched, the idiot must really be upset to not be trying to drown his sorrows in ramen.

 

“Hey.” Sasuke said flatly, stepping out into view. He winced as Naruto flinched, the sky blue slowly traveling to meet his. Nothing moved, and then very slowly, Naruto took a bite out of the fish.

 

“Why are you eating it burnt?” Sasuke asked curtly. Naruto took another bite, chewed slowly, and swallowed, as if trying to prove a point.

 

Sasuke sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He snapped, his hand clenching around his raven-black locks.

 

“At least tell me what's going on!” he bellowed, making Naruto jump back, and fall straight out of his chair. He continued to skitter away as Sasuke advanced, the Uchiha's hands clenched at his side.

 

“Everyone's giving me the `what is wrong with you' routine, and frankly, it's pissing me off! And on top of that, I keep having these dreams and visions of this girl, that no one will tell me about! They just keep doing the `you'll remember on your own' crap! I'm even doing it to myself! And what if I can't figure it out?! What then?!”

 

Naruto's back was pressed against the far wall, but his face was strong and his voice was firm. “We can't tell you.”

 

Sasuke snarled and threw his fist down, wincing as it connected with the floor, he swore he felt the linoleum floor shake as he did, but he didn't care.

 

Sasuke gritted his teeth, preparing to hit Naruto this time, when a hand snaked around his neck and yanked him up faster than he could register, and his lips were pressed securely against the blonde's.

 

Sasuke's mind blanked, and his hands instinctively slid forward so as not to fall, landing them right on Naruto's thighs. He shivered as something behind his naval jumped, and pleasure shot up his spine as Naruto groaned, but he was still stunned motionless.

 

Soon—too soon—Naruto broke away, looking sadly away from Sasuke's face. “We can't tell you.” He repeated softly. “It might break you, mentally. We went through a lot, your mind shut it away so it couldn't hurt you, you have to be ready to handle that pain before you'll be able to remember.”

 

He placed Sasuke's hands on the ground as he stood and walked over to the door. “You aren't the only one this is painful and confusing for, remember that. And you know, we can give you hints, like that one.” he smiled.

 

Sasuke's eyes widened. Hints? The kiss?

 

“And this one… Sasuka.” Naruto whispered.

 

Sasuke felt like he'd been hit by a bolt of lightening, and his arms buckled underneath him.

 

“Sasuke?!” Naruto leaped to his side, keeping the Uchiha's face from hitting the ground.

 

~

 

She trotted through a small grove of trees, finding a small boy with golden hair in a small ponytail at the nape of his neck—just her age—in the snow, his arms wrapped around him as he shivered uncontrollably.

 

“Kyuu?!” the boy called louder, and promptly sneezed again, making himself fall over backwards.

 

She stepped carefully over to the boy, who hadn't risen from the snow. “Are… are you hurt?” she leaned over him.

 

The boy opened his eyes, looking weakly up at her. The girl's eyes narrowed; the boy's lips were blue, and he was shaking so bad that he was sending up flurries of snow around him, he had practically frozen to death. She untied the thick, dark blue cloak from around her shoulders, draping it over him as she helped him up.

 

“I'm Sasuka.” She told him, forcing a smile. Needless to say she wasn't too happy about him interrupting her play with her older brother, but as the boy smiled back at her, trust filling his eyes, her smile turned genuine.

 

“I'm Naruto.” He said quietly, lifting the cloak up and draping it around her shoulder, so they were both covered by the thick, warm material. “Naruto Uzumaki.”

 

Sasuka helped him to his feet. “Uchiha.” She returned.

 

“You're an Uchiha?” his eyes widened.

 

Sasuka ignored the usual reaction people had to her name. “My house is close, this way.” She pointed. “Let's go.”

 

~

 

“Where is he?!” she snapped to herself, flipping her summer shawl out of the way over her shoulders to check in another room.

 

“Sasuka, your guest is here.”

 

“I'm coming Itachi.” She leaned into another room, searching for that golden hair, and sighing in frustration when he wasn't there. “I'm coming.” She repeated in defeat, checking herself one last time in the mirror before starting down the stairs.

 

~

 

“My Lady Sasuka.” The boy bowed, Sasuka curtsied, recognizing her second cousin, and immediately relaxed.

 

“My Lord Neji.” She returned, taking his arm as he held it out, and walked her into the garden, away from everyone.

 

~

 

“So, when do I get to meet him?” Neji smirked.

 

Sasuka kept her face composed, masking her shock perfectly. “I don't know what you're talking about.” She said curtly.

 

He released her with a quiet laugh. Sasuka sighed, she couldn't hide anything from him, the Byakugan saw everything.

 

“What am I going to do?” she asked quietly, bringing her arm up to trace the stone statue in the garden with her fingertips. “Father hasn't even met him yet.”

 

“And you feel this strongly about him?” he asked.

 

“You should know.” She said bitterly, her hand clenching tightly around the statue's tail. He just laughed again.

 

“I do.” He replied. “I just want to hear you say it.”

 

“Not now.” She scolded.

 

“And when do I get to meet him?” he repeated, stepping up behind her.

 

“It was going to introduce you today.” Sasuke said tartly as her temper flared. “But he seems to have… disappeared.” She said after consideration of the right word.

 

“Why?”

 

Sasuka sighed, turning to face her second cousin. “Our older siblings haven't been on very good terms for a while, they don't even know we're friends. I don't know, I've only met his mother, and that was an accident. We were both at the market in town a few weeks ago, and he has her eyes, that's how I recognized her.”

 

“Well, you and your family are coming to the ball my family is hosting, right? Invite him and his family; it will be the sort of environment your father wouldn't tolerate an argument from anyone in his family in, and you can all meet on accepting terms.” he offered, his pearl, pupil-less eyes shimmering in the sun.

 

Sasuka smiled. “Thank you.”

 

“And his name?” Neji asked, taking her arm and leading her back towards the palace.

 

“Naruto, the youngest Uzumaki.”

 

“Uzumaki huh?” Neji chuckled. “You have a lot of persuasion with your father ahead of you.”

 

She sighed. “I know.”

 

~

 

He leaned up against the railing, and she joined him, looking up at the stars.

 

Sasuka turned to him; they were behind one of the overgrown bushes on the balcony… so it would be ok… right?

 

She touched his shoulder lightly, and leaned up on her tiptoes as he looked over. Seeing what she was doing, he leaned down to meet her lips halfway.

 

“Ahem.”

 

Sasuke turned with a murderous glare to the doorway, were a girl wearing a red and black dress was standing, her black hair pulled over one shoulder in a loose braid, her pale skin seeming to shine in the moonlight.

 

“Lord Naruto, I was wondering if I may have this next dance?” she asked, curtsying respectfully.

 

Sasuka felt her lips curl back over her teeth. She had never liked this girl. First, because the moron was a look-a-like of her, and second, the girl was head over heels for Naruto, almost as much as that Hyuuga bitch was.

 

Naruto leaned back, whispering into her ear. “It's fine, I don't plan on turning to the other side anytime soon.” He stepped up to the girl and bowed, holding out his hand. She took it, sending a smirk Sasuka's way before walking back inside with Naruto.

 

Sasuke took a deep breath to stop herself from breaking something as she followed them back inside. She couldn't help the way she was! And compared to Itachi's possessiveness, she was Mother Theresa. If anyone even looked at Deidara—her brother's boyfriend—the wrong way, Itachi `relieved' them of their left eye. It was a miracle that their father had accepted Itachi's sexual preference, she just hoped he would accept Naruto too.

 

“Sasuke!” Naruto shook his shoulders, bringing him back into reality.

 

“It was you.” Sasuke gasped out. That golden hair… how did I not see it before?

 

“What?” Naruto asked.

 

“You were the boy.” Sasuke whispered, crying out as the next flash of memories hit him, splitting his head. He clutched at his temples, falling into Naruto's arms, who hadn't stopped yelling his name since he'd first collapsed, an immeasurable amount of time ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heh, here's another to be continued for you! Please review! It's very encouraging and it tells you that your idea isn't crap! You also don't have to be a member to review!