Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Hurt ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warning: Mature. m/m

Note: I rewrote this cause I decided I hated the first version of it suddenly.

Hurt

It’s been a year now, since everything changed. Tsunade Baa-san said things would be back to normal soon and that we would be able to look back on this and laugh. I don’t know about things going back to ‘normal,’ but I know things are going change, and soon. It’s not because of the decrease in tension that I know, but rather because of the increase. The feeling is similar to the one you get when you look down right before you jump from some high place; that peak of anxiety right before the moment of truth. A weight that continues to strain and pull at me until something gives under the immense pressure.

For the past year there has been a terrible rage in me, one that I don’t even bother trying to control anymore. Everyday all day, it’s all I can think about. It’s driving me, and everyone around me, to the breaking point. I’m not even sure if when this is all over I can rebuild half of the friendships I destroyed. The very ones I worked so hard to gain over the years.

My body is changing, she said. The demon is trying to stretch boundaries, trying to break boundaries that have been stretched too thin. Yes, stretching is the best way to put it, filling me with revulsion and resentment towards the world. His energy flows into me against my will, and despite my emotions, all I can feel is his rage. I can feel him clawing at me from the inside, making me want to scream out and inflict the pain. Now, more than ever, I understand the meaning of being a vessel, of being his prison in a sense. Right now, the restraints are weakened.

My body is changing, she said, and in turn my chakra flow will change. The Kyuubi’s chakra flow is mingling with my own until the transition into an adult is complete. Not necessarily puberty, although I’m sure that more than half of the twisted things I think up are hormone induced. It’s due to a recent growth spurt. I’m eighteen now and I have always been a bit slow when it came to vertical growth. Better late than never though.

The Kyuubi is desperate; the chakra he sends through me is full of hate and anger. But not so much for the reason that one may think- there is still no way for him to be able to break the seal completely. Rather, the demon is pushing me to break it myself. It is pushing for me to break.

There are times when it hurts so much, when I want all of the people I have ever loved to be near me, but then there are the times when I hate them, all of them. During those times the slightest remark can set me into a fury that even I don’t understand. No one dares to cross my path. And yet, they do not judge me. They still have not given up on me and cast me to the side. It’s painful to see them continue to smile out of pity after I have hurt them. And I know I have hurt them, all of them. I haven’t been able to smile back for what seems like forever. Yet they continue to wait and to let all things slide. To have faith that this will all be over with soon. To have faith in me.

I think the people I have hurt most are Sasuke and Sakura. They won’t let me go on missions anymore and I rarely see them these days. Not that I blame them for staying away. At first it was just more bickering and insults than usual. As the time passed it got to the point where I was snapping at everything they said without even listening to what they were telling me. Everything they did agitated me to the point where I couldn’t even stand looking at them. The worse it became, the less we spoke, until we didn’t speak at all.

Above all others, my hatred was concentrated on one person. Kakashi. Everything the man did made me see red; made me want to tear him from limb from limb. Yet he, like all the others, said nothing. He said nothing to silence me when I cursed him, his book, his dogs and everything he stood for. He didn’t even stop me when I tore his beloved Icha Icha Paradise to shreds while directing every profanity I knew towards his mother.

Why did I hate him so? Simple. Iruka. Of all the people in the village, Iruka was the one person I could stand to be around. And I didn’t want to share my time with him with anyone– especially– not Kakashi. I knew that it was hurting them. Their relationship was suffering because of me, but I don’t care. Kakashi can go fuck himself for all I care.

I didn’t want to be alone for this and Baa-san agreed. Iruka was given special leave of his duties at the academy and was charged with a simple mission: Be there for me. I thank Kami-sama every day that Baa-san cared so much. Now I didn’t have to go through this hell alone. It was like a blessing.

Iruka had been my angel of mercy throughout everything. At times, he was the only reason I didn’t just let the Kyuubi have its way and let him end everything. Always listening to anything I said, Iruka never winced at my harsh words, and never smiled at me with pity. When he smiled it was always genuine understanding, never pity. He supported me, and didn’t feel sorry for me. It’s very likely that this is the reason I can’t stand the others. He knew better than anyone that this was not a growing pain that was to be put up with. No, he knew that I was struggling and fighting; fighting against my anger, and to keep my sanity.

I knew I was being selfish. I knew that while he didn’t show it, he missed Kakashi. I knew that he missed his job and I knew that he missed the old me. But I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I wasn’t alone and Iruka would hold me when I needed him. At first, staying in the same house had been enough, eating meals together, watching TV and playing games. But slowly I felt more and more in need of him to be close to me at all times. At first to hold me at night, to cradle me in his arms and tell me that the world was safe and that this was not my fault; to assure me that I was still me and that no matter what, I would always be an important person in his heart. But now, after I’d grown a good few inches taller then him, it was me who held him. The skin of his arms, wrists and waist are often swollen and bruised. At night I can’t sleep without the feel of crushing him to me, of possessing him and gripping to him for dear life. Often times in an iron grip I would drag him around the house behind me without reason other then wanting to feel him yield to me. He was quiet apprehensive to this at first, never afraid to reprimand me, he would scold me until I finally let go. But after a few weeks he simply gave in. He had never felt so fragile… so breakable to me, and it gave me a thrill to have so much power over him.

Despite my selfishness, I know that I will make it all up to him. I’ve already started planning some of the stuff I want to give him in return. It’s not everyday someone put their entire life on hold for you. I would have to make it up to everyone, no matter what they say. While I don’t have control over the emotions in me, it is entirely my fault for not being able to deal with them or to mask them. It was just too hard to keep it all bottled up.

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It is morning now, much earlier then I usually rise and I can smell breakfast already cooking. It agitated me to find that Iruka was not near enough, but I could deal with it as long as there was the promise of food. I can’t help but smirk. The amount of food that I consumed everyday was draining the village’s food supply. I don’t know why I find this funny but I do. And I ate greedily; sometimes I didn’t even bother to cook the food. At the rate I ate, I couldn’t taste it anyway. My body was like a furnace now; everything I ate was quickly converted to energy, both for growth and to replenish all the Kyuubi’s wasted energy. But again, I can’t bring myself to care, not about the fact that the village had resorted to importing ramen, and not about the fact that people had a new reason to hate me as the price of food rose.

I got up slowly, not wanting to set myself off. I found that of the people in Konoha, I was by far the most infuriating, and I hated myself for it sometimes. I got dressed slowly, but despite my efforts of caution, I dropped several solider pills from the pockets of my jounin field jacket. My body shook from the frustration and annoyance at the world, but I caught myself before I did anything to drastic. Taking a few deep breaths, I swallowed my anger and picked up the innocent little pills.

Making my way to the kitchen, I stopped abruptly when I felt something other than Iruka’s presence. Using all of the skill I had, I went the rest of the way in complete stealth. It was Kakashi; I knew it was even before I saw him. It had been nearly a week since his last visit. He always came in perfect stealth, masking his presence completely. The only way I could have ever known was through Iruka. When Iruka was a little too happy after taking a shower, or when he simply had Kakashi’s scent on his cloths. These occurrences had never bothered me too much, as long as he didn’t take away from my usual time with Iruka and as long as I didn’t have to see or speak to him, I was content. Iruka wasn’t mine in that way and it was nice to see he wasn’t completely miserable.

Finally peeking into the kitchen I saw them. I could feel my eyes widened and my cheeks burn as the blood rushed to my face. It was Kakashi and Iruka; their bodies glistening with sweat as them moved together, not as shinobi, but as lovers.

I ran from them and from the feelings that it ignited inside of me. Images of them filled my mind as I tried to close my eyes against them in vain. The image of them pressed together against the wall, as if trying to merge together to become a part of each other. Did I feel betrayed? The flex of their muscles as they moved, desperate for as much contact as possible. No, I’ve always known they were together, and am not ignorant to the things lovers do when they are alone, so why did it feel like someone had cut away a part of me? Tan legs wrapped around a pale waist. Was it the jealousy? Their arms clinging to each other. No, I’ve never thought of them that way. Did it hurt? Their kiss, passionate and desperate. Yes, but why? Was this his pain? Did it hurt him to see them together? As the images began to fade I realized the chakra flow had slowed to a stop, and for the first time in months, I felt like my old self. I couldn’t feel happy though, because what replaced the negative energy was an eerie and intense calm, and looking at my hand I realized I was trembling.

I shuddered as his evil laugh rang throughout my body and shook the very foundations of my control.

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It was past midnight when I returned. The house was quiet except for the shower running. I didn’t bother to mask my presence. He must have felt my arrival because the shower immediately stopped and in a few moments he was there with a worried look on his face. I said nothing when he smiled at me and gave out a sigh of relief when he was sure that I wasn’t hurt. His eyes said that he had been worrying all day. Most likely to the point were he couldn’t enjoy the day off of his “mission,” even if he got to spend it with Kakashi.

He wore his usual light blue bathrobe open slightly making visible his wet chest and a pair of plain gray boxers. His unbound hair was dripping onto the floor and clinging to his face. The droplets caught the gleam of the light and his natural tan skin glistened the way it had that morning.

“You hungry?” he asked. Though it wasn’t the question he wanted to ask, it would do. He must have felt uncomfortable in my intense scrutiny of him but he said nothing about it. Knowing that I hadn’t eaten all day, he knew the answer and didn’t have to hear a reply as he made his way to the kitchen.

I watched him closely as he heated up and lay out a full three course meal that included several kinds of take out, instant and homemade ramen. He must have been really worried. When he finished he looked to me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. Instead of sitting down I walked over to him to stand directly in front of him. Looking up to meet my gaze he blinked in confusion but did not move away.

Reaching out I touched his face. Gently, starting from his jaw line to his lips and cheeks. I paused a moment to trace the scar over his nose with my thumb before moving to the rest of his face and hair. He began to blush lightly under my intense study of him, but allowed the touches anyway.

When I was contented I closed my eyes, both physically and spiritually. I felt the chakra hit me like a wave and my spirit tumbled backwards until I opened my eyes. I felt trapped, I felt buried alive. I watched in absolute terror as the demon took over. I watched as my hand rose and then came down to strike the most important and wonderful person in my life with a demon’s monstrous strength. I watched as the expression of hurt turned into realization turned into fear as he looked up at me from the floor. His deepest fear had come to life and he was now experiencing his nightmares first hand.

A low and sinister chuckle escaped my lips, when on the inside I thrashed and screamed in both horror and protest. I cried out for my body to stop but there was no sound to my words. My hand lifted again, this time to seize Iruka’s neck, lifting him and pinning him to the wall as he struggled for breath. I screamed for him to run away although I knew that still being at the chuunin level, he didn’t stand a chance. I saw my reflection in his terrified eyes; I barely recognized it. My eyes were completely red, the black slits narrowed with excitement. The marks on my face had become thick and my teeth, visible through a grin of sheer madness, had grown to a length and sharpness of a wild predator.

My soul raged against him but my pleas went ignored as Iruka fought helplessly against the arm that was suffocating him. There was a brief glimmer of something metallic and the demon suddenly released his hold. The sharp pain in my arm and the sight of the blood dripping from the wound where the kunai was now imbedded infuriated him. Iruka didn’t get the time to catch the breath he needed to call for help before he was struck again. Sending him crashing into the wall on which he and Kakashi had made love that morning. The blow and lack of oxygen making him visibly dazed as the Kyuubi pinned his arms above his head in some sort of chakra bind. With the uninjured had, he backhanded Iruka in the face with a loud resounding slap. He pulled the bloody kunai out and examined it before giving Iruka a sadistic grin.

“Listen to me boy.” The unmistakable voice of the demon came from my mouth. “Stop fighting me. Give in and I won’t harm him any further. Give me control. Break the seal.” I stopped my spirit’s chaotic wrath and listened intently. How could I possibly trust him, there was no guarantee that if I gave in Iruka or anyone else would be safe. I couldn’t let it win, but if I couldn’t save Iruka then there would be no point in fighting anymore.

“Naruto” A barely audible sob escaped Iruka’s lips as tears began to flow freely. I realized that the Kyuubi had begun to move again. Hands, my hands, against Iruka’s skin: touching, feeling and groping cruelly at warm tender flesh.

“He’s beautiful isn’t he?” Hands stopped to pinch callously at dusky nipple. “Especially when his skin is wet and glistening in the light.” A husky whisper came from my lips as the kunai was lifted to Iruka’s bruised and tear stricken face. Placing it at the edge of the scar and sinking in deeply before dragging it across until it had reopened the old wound completely. Iruka whimpered as the blood flowed down his face, mingling with his tears dripping down his chin and bare chest.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I was frantic in my cries of out rage, but he only laughed. Leaning down to Iruka’s stomach, he sucked on the skin, cleaning it of all traces of blood before moving higher to do the same to his chest, neck, and face. Not lingering on the wound itself to make sure blood flow did not stop. Iruka looked away with a sob as the demon tore the plain grey boxers from his hips leaving him fully exposed as greedy eyes passed over him. I felt my heart shatter and a terrible fear gripped me the sight of him so vulnerable. No please no. The demon shifted, grabbing at tan thighs, spreading them and then moving to stand between warm legs. No! No no no please! The Kyuubi pushed him into the wall, rubbing up against him shamelessly through the tight cloth of my pants.

Sharp teeth grazed against the warm skin of the exposed neck, taking a moment to inhale the scent of it before sinking fangs into the delicate flesh. Iruka cried out in pain as blood flowed into my mouth. It tasted hot and rich with power, draining him of both blood and life.

It was too much. I had to give in. If he hurt Iruka I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, no one would. At least this way there was a chance I might be able to protect him. At least this way I wouldn’t hate myself so much.

“Good boy!” The demon laughed wickedly in its glee as stepping away from Iruka. “Now break the seal!” Blood dripped from my chin as I watched the body before me hang limply from the binding jutsu. I screamed in outrage. Not until he’s safe! Heal him and then never touch him again!

The Kyuubi growled in annoyance but with a flick of my wrist Iruka was released from the chakra bind and caught before he hit the floor. The demon picked up the broken form and carried it to their bedroom, moving with an unbearably inhuman grace. He laid Iruka on the bed preparing to heal the bite on his neck, completely ignoring the furious glare in man’s eyes.

“No.” he breathed “I won’t let you take have him. Not because of me.”

Surprising both the Kyuubi and I, Iruka lunged forward, locking his arms around my body. He must have made some seals because our bodies began to glow a bright blue. Time seemed to stop suddenly as I felt a familiar warmth surround me.

There beside me, in the realm of my soul I saw him. It was unmistakably Iruka, but he couldn’t have been more then ten. He ran to me slipping past the barrier seal and throwing his arms around me, his small frame giving off an aura of sheer hope and confidence.

“I won’t lose anyone else to that monster. Naruto please! We can do this, don’t give up!” his voice shook me, and for the first time in almost a year, I could feel my old determination return to me. The real me would have never given in. Would have never forgotten his dreams and the people he cared about.

I nodded to him and then suddenly felt the aura that surrounded him pour into my spirit. It was different from when the fox leant me his powers. This energy was untainted and pure, given in love. It was Iruka’s life energy.

I used it, though I don’t really understand how, to push through until a feeling of being lifted pulled me forward. I opened my eyes to see the bright blue again. Urgent voices surrounded me; practically every decent ninja in town came to investigate the enormous chakra influx.

Kakashi and Baa-san where the first to arrive and were barking orders in seconds. They pulled Iruka off of me, and I practically screamed at the ache I felt in my heart at the sight of him. I had never seen him so pale. His face and hair were the color of porcelain and blood gushed from his face and neck. Baa-san was desperately trying to pump as much energy into his motionless body as possible, and Kakashi was beside her in less than a moment to follow suit. Soon dozens of hands came to cover every inch of exposed flesh. They glowed a pale yellow, everyone offering what they could as fast as they could.

I had to help them. Someone told me to lay still but I rose to my elbows and with desperate intakes of breath I tried to crawl over to them. Sakura and Sasuke stopped me.

“Naruto rest. It’ll be alright, we’re here now.” It was Sakura, she had tears in her eyes. Sasuke nodded before he began to apply pressure to my arm to stop the bleeding.

I let my tears flow freely when I heard him gasp for breath.

“Yeah,” I choked as I watched Kakashi stroking his hair and whispering words of love and encouragement while the medic-nins and Tsunade began treating our wounds. “Everything is going to be alright.”

End. ------