Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ I'm not fat,I'm pregnant! ❯ Chapter One: Infiltration and Extraction ( Chapter 1 )

I love all my reviews this comment I received was perhaps one of the finest.

Xtranew says: Your writing is -if I'm allowed to be honest-snarky XD!

It just brings tears to my eyes. sniffles But seriously keep sending me reviews, I need them to live!

So there was a piece in here my friend aided too, so instead of being with his friends at a bar Kakashi was looking for someone to complete a very important mission. Thanks Angel-cakes!

I can't wait until I make Itachi pregnant and everyone miserable!

If there was one thing Itachi was best at, it would be standing perfectly still while being completely silent. It was a skill by nature, by personality, for if you do it long enough people will get freaked out and stay away from you. That's all he really wanted, to be left alone. The Uchiha wasn't antisocial just because he was an excellent ninja, that just made him good at avoiding people, he refused to engage in meaningless conversations with individuals who had nothing important to say to him. As he waited on a picnic bench reserved for the public to rest in front of a shop he gave every last person, male, female, dog (the dog was by far the hardest to ignore when it came up and tried to make relations with his leg.) the same blank eye stare. The kind that made you think he was looking inside you and condemning your soul.

It didn't stop admirers from looking at him from afar though. On this reconnaissance mission he abandoned the cloak as shinobi villages were more aware of the danger Akatsuki posed and knew of their code of dress. Though it was what Akatsuki wanted it made undercover missions harder if they were to walk around in them. Itachi was quite fond of his cloak and hat. People avoided him when he wore it. For despite being a dangerous individual the whole world didn't know him by face alone and thought that he was just another attractive teenage man (though he was commonly mistaken for a flat chested woman.) He never really cursed his good looks but occasionally he would admit to himself, only to himself, if he were born less appealing to one's eyes he'd gain peaceful tranquility easier.

“Wow mommy look at the pretty statue over there!” The Uchiha's face remained passive as he ignored the little girl's words. “It looks like one of my dollies.” It was a most displeasing factor that this was not the first time he ever heard such a comment in his life. “I want one too. Mommy can we get one?” Though the child was out of a normal person's range of vision he could see her perfectly well and her mother, both finely dressed in more costly fabric. The child, with her dark hair in twin buns, tugged on her mother's dress as the woman herself was staring right at him with unhidden adoration as she ignored her child's pleading. In fact the woman looked rather dazed if the absence of life in her eyes and drool was anything to go by. He seemed to be getting a lot of those stares recently. Just then a foreboding shadow fell before him.

“I got your favorite.” Kisame held out a plate of natto and for the first time since sitting down Itachi moved, taking the offered food looking in the other man's general direction. At this he heard the little girl gasp though he knew it wasn't from his partner's appearance. Itachi requested the shark man hide his blue skin in a henge since it stood out. Kisame suggested he himself hide as an uglier person so neither would he. This was a joke but the Uchiha did consider it.

The other man sat beside him though not too close, as usual, and began on his own meal right away. The missing mist-nin did not change anything other then his skin's color so when he began ripping his large fanged teeth into a whole chicken the people once admiring Itachi's beauty began to shirk away at the other man's horrifying display. Beauty and the Beast. Kisame certainly had his uses, this being one of the more needless ones the teen just indulged in for personal reasons. Though he hid that fact because he refused to admit he needed a bodyguard to avoid people's advances like a woman would, so he tucked that bit under the guise Kisame was suppose to be near him most the time anyone since he was his partner.

He wasn't using the shark to scare away grown men, love-struck women and small children...

“Taka-sama...” Itachi bit into his food as his eyes averted to the side where a teenage girl in pig tails in a frilly blue dress and way too much make-up stood, hands held together looking ready to blow a gasket at addressing him. The look in her eyes was far too lewd to consider the girl innocent.

“Yo stupid girl what did I say about talking to Taka?” Kisame loudly spoke to the girl with food flying in bits out of his mouth so disgustedly so Itachi's nose wrinkled ever so slightly and the fish man saw it. “See? He doesn't like you.”

“What are you saying ugly? He hasn't said a word. Taka-sama your so kind to let this gorilla man hang around you, you're so sweet!” Her tone towards Kisame was harsh and angry but lifted to a unnatural high pitch when she spoke to Itachi ending her sentence will a squeal. The named 'Taka' held up his hand when his partner was about to start yelling at the lolita-wannabe to silence the him. The Uchiha didn't care to see more chewed up food particles fly out the other's mouth. Akatsuki needed to send their ranks to finishing school, truly.

“Did you bring all the information I requested?” He placed his empty stick on the plate and patiently waited for the young girl to get over her seizure fit at hearing his voice. In the dark abandoned part of his mind he hoped he wouldn't see any sort of liquid pouring down her leg this time. When the quaking quieted down to shivers she began to rifle around her bag shaped like a very deformed animal with googly eyes on it to pull out a hefty stack of papers. Some were typed out professionally, but mostly, scrawled with fancy writing and doodles like one would make in boredom or excitement. When she shakily handed them to Itachi their fingers brushed accidentally then red fluid flew from her nose and she collapsed to the ground. The ninja was able to retrieve the important documents without them flying everywhere and ignored to help the girl lest he get covered in blood.

As he skimmed through the first few pages it became apparent she did indeed gather some very helpful information, the photographs and detailed drawings were also very much appreciated too.

“Are those pictures of him..?”

“Yes.” Itachi cut off the inquiry as Kisame looked over his shoulder, an empty plate of bones behind him on the table. The older man made a face of disgust at this, curling his nose and one side of his mouth.

“Women are gross.” He sneered glaring at the twitching body on the ground next to their table, people passed by like it was an everyday occurrence to them. Itachi ignored his words and continued to leaf threw the papers.

“Why didn't you hire a usual gopher like always?” When Kisame said gopher he meant scouting ninja. He used a witty code where as Itachi just used cryptic words. One time his Uchiha comrade asked him to kill a daiymo but said 'level the building at the base'. Kisame well... he leveled the building. After that the teenager learned to choose his words in a more peasant fashion.

“When working in fields with plants unknown to you you hire a gardener best in working with those particular conditions. If I hired a fisherman to do an agriculturalists job, well that would be just asking for the job to be half as decent.” Itachi reasoned. As Kisame saw more pictures of a naked Kakashi he grew to really detest the logic the genius Uchiha had. So it was more accurate then most people but it ignored the fact the shark man would be a much better man for Itachi than the Konoha ninja would. So he did something most disturbing, he pouted.

A hand slammed down on the table and a most horrifying looking creature stared up at the two of them.

“Eh sorry about that, it happens sometimes in my line of work.” The young girl, dirt in her hair and on her face, make-up askew stood back up. Blood decorated the front of her dress and she looked like she was just accosted by thugs in a back alley. She tried primping her hair back to the way it was but it was not like she was getting all the twigs and dirt chunks out. Undisturbed in the least Itachi continued to glance through the information memorizing it as he went.

“What is his next course of action?” Looking at the last page he had everything from Kakashi's shoe size to his brand of toothpaste but it ended at what the copy ninja did at noon-eleven today. It was now three-thirty two.

“Well Taka-sama of course I found out that for you, Hatake-sama will be in the small village near Konoha at estimated nine-thirty seven as I noticed he has a repetitive pattern at be exactly late according to which route he takes to get to his destination. Add to the amount of porno stores on said travel plan including at least an hour, give or take, spent at his ritual visit to a memorial stone with additional variables of menial tasks taken upon himself from those in need. You wouldn't believe how many old ladies and cats he rescued from from the last three days alone." At this point she clamped her hands together again holding them up to her face to sway dreamily, her face taken on a look of complete captivation. The brunette let her live on the fact she did the job beyond his expectations and could prove useful in the future.

Though if she didn't stop thinking about Kakashi-san in such a way very soon...

"Of course its a pity not once did I get a shot of his face. Its unbelievable how many times something got in way before I could get a peek, I mean a tree branch or a cup is understandable but would you believe a boat flew into a diner once while he was eating just before he lowered his mask? That was just unethical!" She started waving her arms and for a moment Itachi agreed with her but in his lifetime he'd seen far stranger things. His partner naked for one, talk about blue balls...

"Ohhh of course Taka-sama..." For a moment the girl took on a bashful pose shying away though her face still had fresh blood on it, curling a finger in her hair filled with dirt chunks the Uchiha was beginning to get repulsed again. "I filled my end of the bargain and followed Kakashi-san for a week straight so..." Her eyes went shiny filled with sparky objects he thought looked suspiciously like glints off a metal blade catching the sun at a blinding angle though he suspected it was suppose to be something more alluring than it was. Itachi stood up and faced the creepy girl with her weirdly gleaming eyes.

A deal was a deal and he gave her his word.

"Of course, the transaction is complete, here is your payment." Clutching his shirt at the helm from the back he lifted it up and over his head pulling an arm out of a sleeve from the hand unoccupied with papers before switching them from the already freed arm to pull the garment off his body. He was then completely naked from the waist up. Many people stopped dead in their tracks and Itachi once again, though inadvertently, caused a bloody scene as dozens of civilians started leaking vital fluid from their faces. Kisame stood up and had the urge to lift his partner up then run very far away from there, though he didn't. Itachi hated being touched unnecessarily.

Itachi held out his shirt to the comatose girl though she was already brain dead and fell backwards once again to the dirt pathways gentle surface.

"That's just rude." He dropped the shirt over the prone body and began his trek down the street uncaring of the fallen masses all around them, red covering the streets and walls like a macabre painting. The only life around him was his partner who looked disturbed.

"Where did you find such a girl?" The 'girl' the taller man emphasized with distinctive hatred.

"The Internet. BishoonenStalkers.com/weluvprettyboys.” He said casually looking through his treasured files again at Kakashi's pictures. At least the photographs looked professional and the drawings were so detailed it was enough to make him appreciate the Konoha nin's hidden attributes.

To this the shark-man had no more to say though secretly he wondered how Itachi found such a website. It was a certain fact when the Uchiha took up a mission he went to great lengths to see it get done throughly. Which is while discreetly oolging the naked flesh before him Kisame began crying on the inside at the thought of what his love would do later tonight to see to it he bedded the copy ninja.

Though it was more of a sprint that almost made him plow into a couple in which the steadfast ninja had to roll to dodge them. When he stood again in the next instant he ran to the middle of the room in desperation and began to scan the face of every last person in there.

"Where is he?!" He growled to the patrons of the tavern. Some, who were sober, were a little panicked but many drunks just laughed or cried, depending the emotional turmoil that brought them there. The skilled ninja did not concern himself with their hysteria.

He didn't plan on being late this time, why did that building have to burn down with all those orphans inside?! Taking great steps up to the bar the ninja slammed his fists down shaking the weak foundation making glasses fall over to address the bar keep.

"I'm looking for a man said to meet me here. This is very important... he was suppose to meet me, Kakashi Hatake, you understand?!" Kakashi gripped the bartender by his shirt and shook the man violently his one eye blazing with fury. If you could see the sharingan behind his crooked headband you would see its red color set a blaze with the black pits swirling in rage. The bartender himself was not unused to being assaulted but this was a ninja and not an angry drunk so he was a little bit more afraid than he would have been, he wish he could leave to change his pants now.

It was then someone in a odd western old vintage hat started to slowly rise up from behind the counter. He wore sunglasses, sunglasses in a bar at nine forty at night, and a long brown trench coat looking nothing short of suspicious. The silver air ninja dropped the soiled bartender and stare at the man with intense scrutiny.

"Do you... have them?" The hound summoner's tone was nothing short of frightening though the man in sunglasses could be a deaf mute for all the fear he showed. He slowly pulled from his coat a poorly wrapped item and held it up before holding out his other hand.

"We trade." He said in a short clipped tone. The pair of eyes hiding behind sunglasses held the terrifying gaze of one riled genius ninja and did not move when swiftly Kakashi reached behind him to pull out an object from his kunai holster. With a speed bred from years of battle experienced he stabbed the shady man's hand with...money.

As he gave the trench coat man money he scrambled for the paper bag and opened it up to see that inside was indeed the precious booty he sought.

Several unreleased, rare novels with an 'not for children tag' was in his very hands and he brought the wondrous items up to his face and rubbed them over his cloth cheeks to sigh dreamily then disturbingly giggle. A grown ninja at twenty nine acted as though he were a school girl with the blushing and coy laughs he released. It was possibly a more frightening sight than seeing him ominous. At least if he was just in a blazing fury he wouldn't appear to have a mental defect. Now that he was skipping around in circles an aura of innocence being conjured up you didn't know what he was capable of, if it was just murder or wanting to have a tea party with a room full of dead bodies.

Apparently satisfied the ninja didn't leave but sat down at the bar his little chuckles less but still coming out once and a while breaking the silence keeping the room in fear.

“I want a beer. Get me a Asahi.” Kakashi asked not so politely but in a normal tone as he took one of his newly acquired books out of the wrapping and tucked the other two away in his back pouch.

The bar tender stood back up and with great fear grabbed the wanted drink and dropped it with his unstable grip. It took two more tries and soaked feet later when finally he was able to give the ninja a beer before the older man ran to the back door. A moment later it opened back up as he pushed the stock boy out and demanded he watch the place the rest of the night. The young man not here for the events that occurred looked confused and as he stared around the quiet room he saw most of the people scamper out like rats on all fours, the waitress included. He decided to just serve the drinks but stay away from partaking in them.

Someone must have drugged the liquor.

The young stock boy began to clean up the broken beer bottles thinking they smelt a little like urine as he mopped. There wasn't many people left in the establishment. Just him, a rather giddy ninja reading at the bar, a big sleeping drunk and another drunk building a pyramid out of empty cans. They reached from the floor until the table and he noted the amount of cans there looked like more than what one person could handle, more like enough to give an elephant alcohol poisoning.

A slight tapping of a bottle near him made him look over to see a masked ninja reading a book in one hand and holding out an empty bottle in another. It was odd since he knew the bottle was full when he came out a moment ago and hadn't heard the other at all aside from page turning. Seeing how the man was beckoning him silently to get another beer he grabbed one from the shelf and placed on to the table taking the empty one held out for him. This satisfied the grey hair patron and he went back to reading, ignoring the drink.

Throwing the bottle out along with broken glass pieces the boy turned around for a moment, to this he heard tapping again. He looked over his shoulder to see the same masked ninja twirling his empty beer bottle still not looking up from his book. For a moment the stock boy thought the man might have spilled it but after a quick look around the floor, behind and in front of the counter, he saw nothing. The masked man still held out the bottle and with no reason to deny him the young man gave him another beer, taking the empty one. He stayed put just watching the man reading now and after two long minutes of nothing but silent staring with no activity besides the page turning the stock boy turned his back to throw out the beer bottle.

As he bent over to pick up more glass pieces he heard the clinking once again.

From his crouch on the floor he peered up, nothing but his eyes visible from the counter top. The ninja was using one finger to hold up the bottle balancing it perfectly and sure enough it was empty, again. He stood up watching in awe as the silver hair man seem to swirl it without it falling.

“Where are you putting them?” The make-shift bartender had to ask. There was no way he drank it that fast.

“The same place everyone else does, my stomach.” Was his reply. The man said it so seriously putting the empty bottle down and tucking his hand closer to his chest while turning the page of his book with his thumb. The young man continued to watch him and only when he saw the ninja move his hand to tap the empty beer glass signaling he wanted another one did the stock boy move to retrieve another, though this time he kept one eye on the other man.

He didn't bother throwing the empty out or bending down to pick up the rest of the broken glass bottles, no, he gave the one eye ninja a beer and began a waiting game. This time it was a good ten minutes he sat there eying the masked man reading his adult book the drink going untouched. It seemed like the man wouldn't drink the liquid if someone was watching as he patiently waited him out. To this the stock boy gathered an idea.

Slowly he sunk to the floor like as to continue cleaning the beer that was slowly stinking up the place. Once he was down there he waited several seconds and then quickly lifted his head to see the ninja hadn't moved at all, beer untouched. Maybe he had to wait longer. Hiding his face again he counted to fifthteen then lifted his head his eyes greeted with a still full beer can and the ninja hadn't moved at all.

Irritated the stock boy sunk his head back down and decided to count to thirty then maybe he'd get to see. So in his head he counted to thirty, sure that this time he'd get to see just where the alcohol was going. When he lifted his head to see the ninja was looking back at him book opened on the bar the bottle being spun around on the counter top completely empty.

“I need another.” The masked man smiled at him. At least it looked like a smile, he was wearing a mask, but you could almost feel it, sense it in his voice. The man knew he was being toyed with deliberately and it was infuriating.

“Where are you putting those?! No one can drink them that fast!” He yelled slamming his fist on the table the ninja just shrugged and put the bottle down going back to his book.

“What does it matter to you? I'm paying for them, you need only supply them.” The bushy hair ninja went back to ignoring the other man completely as the young kid, agitated, glared at the patron wanting to throw him out on principal alone. Though the man was a ninja and if they didn't want to go they couldn't be moved.

Sighing deeply he was ready to go back to cleaning when he heard the insistent tapping reminding him he still didn't get the ninja his drink. The young man could have banged his head on the table in frustration to the sound and did.

“Excuse me sir.” Spoke a soft voice, like a woman's near the ninja.Kakashi turned his head to see one sexy female that look like she emerged from a porno movie cover and stepped into the bar. Both of the only sober men in there could have dropped their jaws, the one behind the counter with a huge red mark on his forehead did.

The vision of lust had long dark hair up in pig-tails and it was so shiny even in the dim light of the bar it reflected the weak light. It fell over her eyes that were so brown they looked black, maybe they were. Her long lashes and bronze eyeshadow accentuated this feature and when she blinked only to open her eyes again the delighted shiver of seeing them ran down Kakashi's spine again.

When she walked towards them with a show of effortless grace even in such high black heels the straps criss-crossing on her feet and up part of her legs made his body warm up more than the beer did. The dark angel sat down beside him her short, short red pleaded skirt, like a imitation of school girl, was very high up showing off firm shapely thighs that his one eye had mysteriously wandered too. He noticed her shirt, a black halter top, had an absence of breasts. Why did the beautiful ones have small boobs? It was partially depressing but when she had sat down he saw the plump backside that would look very appealing shaking as he...

He coughed out of nowhere covering his already masked face and adverting his eye.

”May I have some nihonshu?” Her ruby red lips asked. The tint of her lipstick bringing so much attention to the folds as she spoke that both of them were staring ignoring that fact she spoke to start with. A moment later the ninja nudged the stock boy knocking his arm to break him from his stupor.

“She asked for some sake... but I doubt you'll find anything but the cheap stuff in this place lady.” His first few words were harshly spoken to the stand-in bar tender but soften his tone for the beautiful woman he planned to spend the night with.

When he spoke to her dark eyes once looking at the young man was scrambled to the back to undoubtedly find the drink she wanted, or run to the store to buy it, turned to him. The irises were indeed black as they looked sending another shiver down his spine. Was he cold or something? He almost wanted to look away but he didn't want to appear nervous, women love men with confidence. It she lowered her eyes first though not that she was being coy.

She was looking at his open book on the table.

When her eyes lifted to meet his again there was a hint of a smug smile, more of a smirk really then she turned her head again and that was it.

Kakashi was in lust.

Lifting his book he placed his hand on the counter and jumped over it grabbing another one of his favorite beers, since the stock boy decided to go to the store without getting him one. He then slid back over the table to sit back down all in one motion not missing the fact he was being watched the whole time. He continued his routine for the night and put the beer down leaving it abandoned as he opened his book once again. He didn't want to appear too eager and would let her come to him.

“Icha Icha Paradise was so much better.”

That wasn't his voice. Kakashi lowered the book and looked to the woman next to him who was staring at the cover until he dropped it to the table. After that the silver hair jounin closed the book and tucked it away with its brothers.

“You ever heard? The characters are so detailed and the writing very erotic.” The silver hair man watched her lips move mouthing words so beautiful he could have cried though Kakashi maintained a dignifying facade, yet she didn't stop.

He didn't want her to stop.

“One scene and my personal favorite was when Junko had a drink with his latest adversary, a beautiful woman who stole his breath away as they shared a liquor flavored kiss.” Kakashi watched as she reached out grabbing his beer bottle but he didn't stop her, rather his whole body begun to heat up. He couldn't be certain if she missed his sweating but he certainly felt it, his every pore leaking tears of anticipation as her lips wrapped around his drink, the bottle looking very much like something else in his imagination. She closed her dark lovely eyes as she stole a drink slowly swallowing the liquid up before pulling away licking the rim. Onyx eyes opened again to catch his gaze, his cock already straining against his fly by the time the bottle hit the counter top and she crawled over to him her hand brushing his shoulder as the wicked angel grip the back of the jounin's chair.

Contrary to popular belief he didn't let nobody never see his face and once the dark vixen slowly reached up to pry his mask away by her fingertip he let her and almost came in his pants when their lips met. Her mouth opening to release the liquid into his and he swallowed it just before a tongue teased over his own, running languidly over his taste buds.

Beer never tasted sweeter.

Then the brunette pulled away a soft tongue lapping his lips one last time in jest and his mouth began to follow their retreat ending up at an exposed neck. To this Kakashi stood up out of his chair, in a daze, and wrapped his arms around the slender body his mouth latching onto a patch of smooth ivory skin the folds of his lips beginning a soft suction as his tongue began to taste the warm surface growing pink from his actions.

Then there was a small hiss of breath near his ear, a tender moan just under the surface hiding its existence but he could hear it as it sent a hot shiver through his ear down his neck and spine. The ninja's hands proceeded to drift down and up the tiny skirt to grip fleshy soft globes groping them like putty as he pushed his body into hers forcing her towards the counter top. Once trapped against it, escape for her impossble, his mouth move to conquer new territories on the exposed skin near her shirt collar. The lower half of his body took control and rocked his hips down onto the body beneath him grinding their lower halfs together as his hands manipulated her to meet his downward thrust...

Lifting his head to look up at a flush face and lipstick smeared lips that were slightly parted misted black orbs peered back at him with no hint of fear or nervousness. Kakashi ground his throbbing lower half again receiving a soft, deep moan for the action.

“Your a man.” Kakashi simply put. The person under him was awkwardly positioned. The area between his shoulder blades against the counter, the small of his back partially touching the stool chair as the jounin held the other's ass in his solid grip. The jounin's hands still twitched and squeezed the plump bottom as they stared at one another.

“Is that a problem for you?” The dark eye man asked though it sounded already sure of the answer. The brunette's tone dropped from masking his gender and was deeper than intentionally assumed. As Kakashi watched those lips move staring at how the ruby color grazed part of the beautiful man's chin he thought of his own mouth was most likely a mirror replica of the others. The silver hair male didn't answer but moved one of his hands from behind the dark hair stranger to the front. His fingertips grazed the hardness confined under a pair of cherry red panties, the bugle quivered right before hips bucked upwards.

“It's been a long time since I had someone this fine under me, what sane man would refuse?” Soft touches once teasing turned firm grasping the organ and fisting it earnestly while his lips played a seductive smile for all the world cocky and confident. At this two hands once settled gingerly on his back gripped the uniform man with an iron grip much stronger than the slender limbs portrayed. It seemed this man was full of surprises. Kakashi didn't mind, the image of his dark eyes fluttering close and mouth opened wide to moan was quite appealing.

It was getting very hot in here.

The ninja's body began to feel a lot heavier than before while his legs and arms felt so weak, like made of jelly. His stomach and loins which were burning from excitement from before now seemed to get so much worse. The heat he felt was almost too much, and so unnatural. He could feel even his fingers sweat while his coherency faded.

“What did you do to me?” Kakashi demanded arms failing to hold up the other man's weight and instead fought not to collapse on top of him. In his mind the leaf jounin felt like fighting and lashing out but his body was crying out, desperate. It wanted to fuck the erotic cross dresser beneath him. Torn between he did nothing.

“Don't be afraid, I have no plans to harm you. I want to do everything I can to make us both walk away very satisfied.” Kakashi didn't watch the man's lips move but stared into his black eyes with his one uncovered pupil right before he saw a flash of familiar red and black. The silver hair man then fell over, unconscious.

For a moment the dark hair man struggled with the weight. It was unexpectedly more than what the jounin appeared to be which he attested to the fact Kakashi was an adapt taijustu user and would have a bigger muscle mass than himself.

Though the Konoha ninja did smell awfully pleasing.

“Itachi.” From his prone position he looked over the immobile body to stare at the man across the room, the once sleeping drunk looking right back at him. Itachi pushed against Kakashi's weight over top of him and managed to get the jounin off his body enough without having it fall to the floor or falling over himself. Eventually he was able to stand.

These high heels were just a very unwanted nuisance.

“I'm finished here Kisame, you should go ahead and rest for tonight I won't be needing you anymore for now.” Serious and calm as ever Itachi didn't give a second thought to the fact he looked like a whore, throughly molested and completely the opposite of what his authoritative tone tried to present. His erection was visible under his skirt for crying out loud.

Kisame frowned rather wanting to cook the jounin in Itachi's arms and feed him to Zetsu to hide the body so that he could be alone with the skirt-clad Uchiha. In his head he began to dream up methods of torture to maybe apply at a later time when his eyes caught something else in the room.

“What do you want to do about him?” The shark-man shook his head over to the figure standing on a table building a pyramid seemingly ignoring their presence as his mountain of cans was well over standing height and looked nearly complete.

“Watch him for a while, unless he proves dangerous, don't kill him. I don't want to draw attention should anyone come looking for him.” Besides it was a very articulate aluminum pyramid he made. Itachi hated wasted talent.

Lifting Kakashi's arm over his shoulder and holding it there as he wrapped one of his arms over the leaf jounin's body to steady the bulky form Itachi then strutted out of the tavern in his sexy high heels paying no heed to how strange it looked. One a prostitute holding up what looked to be an unconscious ninja as they traveled out into the night.

Kisame himself went back to sitting at one of the bar's booths laying his head down miserable that while he was left alone his dearest love was going to be with someone other than he. It was most loathsome. 'Note to self, kill Kakashi.'

As quiet return to the bar once again someone emerged from out of the back room holding up a high grade form of sake.

“Hey I got it! ...Where'd you go?” The stock boy glanced around the room seeing no more than one man playing with cans and a slumped body of a sleeping drunk that really wasn't drunk or sleeping.

His lovely wet dream and the annoying ninja were nowhere to be found.

“...Dammit! He didn't pay his bill!”

Crap... I swear I meant to have the sex this chapter but somehow I ended up talking about beer and stock boys for like three pages and just went on a strange rant-page. Well that just means most defiantly the next chapter will open up to sex and the chapter after that Itachi pregnant and making peoples lives end much more quickly.

Asahi is apparently a dry beer that is a big seller in Japan. I also found out beer is a much more common drink than sake. I then also found there are different names for expensive to cheap variations of sake but gave up on explaining it because I just didn't care too.

I have no idea why I had a guy building a can pyramid either.