Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity ❯ Scratch One ( Chapter 1 )

My hand clutched my heart, that searing pain bursting through my chest and all over like a morbid blooming flower. I could barely breathe, my vision hazed from pain, and all I could think of was run. Run like the wounded animal I was, panting and howling like a madman, rushing down the narrow hallways in search of my one haven. I paid no attention to the attendants around me, to the patients jumping out of my path, all I could see was that white door on the end of the hall, the towering white shelter.

“Gaara!” I yelped, my heart feeling as if it would give out at any second. “Gaara!” I yelled again, yet knowing he couldn’t hear me, not from this far away. It didn’t matter if he could hear me or not, I just needed to yell, needed to scream, this pain was too much.

Finally I made it to his door, collapsing on the pearly cold tile below me in a crumpled heap of human. I moaned, grasping and clawing desperately at me chest, writhing on the floor, kicking out against the air. “Damn it! Gaara!” I called again, kicking his door now, trying to find peace in destruction. The heavy metal stomps of my feet nearly drained out the soft rustle of fabric behind the door, telling me the crazy bastard was curious to see what was wrong. I panted, convulsing and dry-heaving, clenching my eyes shut tight to will the world of colorless white wash to die.

“Naruto…” He murmured, sounding uncertain. I felt his breath on my frantic fingers, which had long since tried to find refuge under his door.

“Fuck! It hurts!” I growled, trying to calm myself, but unable. There was no way in hell I’d stop my fit, all I could do was try to keep my mind from slipping as it so often did.

“Calm. Calm.” He whispered to me, his voice raspy from lack of use, unable to add a drop of emotion into it.

I growled, wanting to yell, wanting to give him all the rage that was furrowed deep inside me, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t Gaara’s fault I was a mess, it wasn’t anyone’s fault this happened. I had to keep this sanity of thought, if I didn’t, I would have lost. I couldn’t lose. Not again. This time I would win, I would beat the fucking demon that tried to ensnare my mind. I tried to stop, tried to focus on Gaara. Tried to focus on the even breaths that cascaded over my sweaty knuckles, tried to focus on that concerned deep voice. Then another jolt of pain ripped through me, and I lost it. “I can’t!” I yelped.

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Gaara was just as frustrated and panicked as I was. He was panting behind his door, the rustle of fabric more frequent, he was rocking, maybe pacing, I couldn’t tell. Everything was blending together, it was hard to keep track on things.

“I can’t! I can’t!” I whimpered back to him, feeling the tears prick my eyes. The migraine was coming, he was coming.

“Stop it!” He growled again, becoming just as feral as me behind that door. Losing his mind just like me. “You have to! They’ll come again!” His voice was an octave higher than it normally was, I knew he was frantic, he never knew what to do when this happened. He couldn’t do anything for me. He was stuck behind that door, and I was stuck beyond it.

“I know…” I whimpered, curling in on myself, my nails biting into my expose knees. My thin hospital gown was hiked well above me waist, my face burrowing into its crisp, sterile fabric. I tried to breathe again, breathe deeply. Was trying my best to ward him off, trying my best to ignore the footfalls that throbbed in my temples.

“Naruto.” He said softly, his body moving again, the clang of buckles and shift of fabric like a beacon in my tired mind.

My body was pressed against the tiles, settled on my side in the customary fetal position I usually found myself in. I was breathing again, I was safe again. The headache was moving on, was passing me by like some bored tornado. I was safe for now. Slowly I unwound, panting softly; sweat seeping from every pore of my being from the effort exerted before. I didn’t trust myself to speak, not yet. I merely took in all around me, the feel of the cold tiles, the soft breeze of Gaara’s breath on my brow, the sounds of movement somewhere down the hall, and the clanking of buckles on Gaara’s straight jacket.

An eternity seemed to pass before I was ready to move, ready to finally uncoil myself. Absently I pulled down my gown, a hand wiping the sweat from my brow and soaked golden locks. I willed myself to look, to gaze on reality, my eyes squinting away from the burning lights above. I was breathing normally again, my heart leveling and not trying to escape through my ribs anymore. I was sane. I was sane for one more day.

“I’m…alright.” I finally managed to speak, my voice squeaky, as if I was on the verge of tears.

Gaara didn’t speak right away, and I saw the shadow move away from my path. He stood I thought, but didn’t have the strength yet to actually see. “You’re strong.” He murmured, I barely even caught it.

Stretching out a moment, lying on my spine and looking at the overhead lights until my retinas threatened to burn out, I finally moved. Rolling on my side, and eventually to my bare feet. I was shaking still, my muscles trying to get used to being used as much as they had before, my body basically running on empty since I hadn’t eaten since two days before. I could never really keep food in, and so I got used to my gangly appearance. Looking to the small rectangular window, positioned in the middle of Gaara’s door, I willed myself to peer inside. My hands settled on either side of the window, my forehead settling upon the cool pane itself. “Thanks.” I whispered, my breath leaving its mark on the grated glass.

He nodded briefly, eyes downcast, looking at his padded floor. I studied Gaara for a long moment, taking in my friend that I had known since I was first sent here when I was six years old. Gaara had already been in this cell, even then. His pale eyes looked haunted, shadowed by the thick black lines that encased them, obvious marks of the insomniac. His red hair unkempt, looking like flames against the white background, his petite anorexic frame blending in with the colorless padded cell. My mood waned, watching his eyes flick up to me, an unnerving shade of glowing green. He looked so sad in there, all alone. I wish he could leave that room. I wish I could speak to him one-on-one, touch him, be aware just how human he was despite his horrid diagnosis. Gaara didn’t believe he was human anymore, and it always hurt me that I knew his train of thought.

I inhaled a shaky breath, looking towards my feet, noticing the claw marks I made myself, aware of the thin trails of blood staining the floor beneath me. I remembered just how hard it had been to make Gaara even speak to me, it took four whole years of pestering, and I was finally acknowledged. Now, after our twelve year friendship, I sometimes caught him peering out the window he used to avoid in his youth, just to seek me out. The thought of his curious green eyes set a fragile smile to my lips. “Gaara.” I murmured, closing my bright eyes, breathing in the air slowly as if I was cherishing just being where I was.

I heard movement, but didn’t look up. Felt the vibration of glass as Gaara pressed his forehead against the pane, as if he was trying to feel my skin against his own, to feel a reality he had never known. Slowly I tilt my head upward, opening my eyes lazily and peering into that sleepy face. His eyes were closed, the lids a darkened purple, as if bruised from their lack of use. He didn’t speak, and neither did I. I didn’t need to; this was a moment that needed no words. An understanding of similar minds, a sane person probably wouldn’t understand. I loved Gaara, in a way of understanding, and he loved me the same.

I smiled in mild humor, such a long distance relationship we had, this door always coming between us. I trailed my fingers against the emotionless white door, trying to pick off the paint in a vain attempt at getting inside. I wanted to speak, but no words could express anything I was feeling, anything I wanted to say. Silence. This was all we had.

We stayed like that for the longest time until I heard a voice behind me, timid and hesitant. “U-Uzumaki-san.” She whispered, already I could imagine her nervous fidgets, her darting, unsure eyes.

“Aa…Hinata-sama?” I asked lazily, my eyes still glued to the unmoving Gaara. He looked so peaceful.

“It’s…it’s time for me-medication.” She stuttered, always so upset when confronting any of us patients. “I need to…to get inside.”

I didn’t care to banter her like usual. I didn’t feel like it. I felt drained, boneless, all I really wanted to do was go lay down. But, of course I couldn’t do that yet, sleep time didn’t come until late in the afternoon. This damn place running on all these damn schedules, enough to drive you nuts. I conceded, moving aside, and the moment I did those pond-green eyes snapped open and the red-head retreated back to a safe corner in his padded prison. “Have fun!” I replied, feigning cheer as I smacked her back playfully and caused her to squeak in embarrassment, grinning as her cheeks flushed the color of Gaara’s hair.

I didn’t stick around much after that. Only being vaguely aware of the clanking of keys as the nurse fumbled to open the tall door. This place was so screwed up. So sterile and inhuman at times it was hard to bear. Granted, you get used to it, I’ve been here forever, it didn’t bug me too much anymore. But, it was always painful to watch the newbies try and cope, only a little humorous to watch them hide in the shadows of tables trying to find escape.

I continued to wander the halls aimlessly, feeling a little less fatigued than when my fit almost took me. I draped my arms behind my head lazily, stepping boredly and purposely slapping my feet to listen to some sound in this godforsaken place. I didn’t feel like my usual self, but I normally never did after an attack. Mood swings weren’t all that new, and I knew I’d be over things come tomorrow. Yawning, I yearned for something to take my mind off Gaara and the rest of the world.

I didn’t feel like pulling pranks, I didn’t feel like fighting, I didn’t even feel like talking for all that matter. Depression fell on me like a poisonous fog, and I was helpless to fight it off. After a while I even grew tired of walking, and attempted to find a place to sit. Finally I wandered into the maid living quarters, set up much like a dining room. The table and chair bolted to the floor, so I had to be content in the stiff place the chair had been set in. Not caring about comfort, I settled my arms on the table and rested my chin upon them, my body slumped and tired. Slowly my eyes drifted upwards, to the form that always inhabited the tabletop.

It was Hyuuga Neji, nurse Hinata’s distant cousin. His eyes were the color of the walls, and always unnerved me. Hinata’s were the color of slate, and they bothered me just the same. When I was small, I thought the hospital white is what caused Neji’s eyes to lose color, caused him to go blind. However, when I got older I understood Neji had been born blind, that’s why his eyes looked like milk. Neji lived in a different world, a world of trained senses, a world of pitch darkness. I continued to stare up at him as his head turned, blank eyes trying to focus in on surroundings he couldn’t see.

Neji was god here, his self-proclaimed title. The solitude of darkness had destroyed his sanity, perfected his imagination and distortion of reality. His nostrils flared, his eyes staring ahead distantly. His prone figure, stiff and rigid like that of those gold Buddha statues you buy in supermarkets. He truly did look god-like, sitting on the table that he thought was a mountain. I would never admit this silent awe of him, but secretly I thought he could sense it at times.

Again his nostrils bellowed, he was breathing, tasting reality in a way the person of the light would never knew how. “I smell change.” He said softly, in a voice that commanded full attention. “There will be change soon.”

I didn’t ask. I didn’t tease. I just accepted his fortune, watching as those unnerving colorless eyes closed and his body stilled.

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A/N:

Hello. Here’s a story I hope you all will like. It’s going to be long, and much more drawn-out than this first chapter, and don’t worry, Sasuke will show up soon. All the characters should be introduced, at least a little, by the fifth chapter and more romance and heart ache will follow. Please join me, this story is so fun to write, I’ll be so disappointed if I don’t get any reviews.

Anyway, thank you for reading. Please come again.