Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Itachi's Plans From A to Z ❯ Plan C- Save Kisame From the Police Dude, Recover Naruto and Leave Happily Ever After ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: Miko does not own Naruto, but she does own the yaoi prostitutes, 20 bucks, the fake HIV results, and the yaoi T. V program. ^_^


Itachi: OH SHIT!!!!!

Kisame: OH F***!!!!!

Itachi: How...is...this... possible?

Kisame: Mommy... make it all stop... this is a dream... a really really bad dream... * Shaking in corner * 0____0

Itachi: We have HIV...

Kisame: We're going to have AIDS...

Miko: PSYCH!!!!

Kisame: !___!

Itachi: Am I hearing right? Did she just say psych?

Kisame: THIS WAS A STUPID PRANK AND WE FELL FOR IT!!!!!

Miko: That was just to show you two how gullible you were.

Itachi: We're not gullible!!!

Miko: Want 20 bucks? * Waves money in front of Itachi's face *

Itachi: $_$!!!! GIMME!!!!!

Miko: * Throws money on Naruto *

Kisame: Naruto's a prostitute. 0_0 Itachi! Maybe he should work at your club!!!

Miko: Oops... * Throws money on Itachi *

Itachi: ARGH!!! PROSTITUTE MONEY!!! * Faints *

Miko: See? You two are gullible. Never take money from a stranger.

Itachi: But you are a stranger.

Miko: Nope. * Transforms into Orochimaru*

Itachi: !_!

Kisame: !_!

Naruto: Zzzz... * Snores*

* Crickets chirp *

Miko: * Transforms back into herself* Naruto ruined the whole joke. -_-

Itachi: I was starting to enjoy it too.

Kisame: Until the bastard ruined it.

Itachi: Well... we'll be leaving now. * Tries carrying Naruto and fails *

Kisame: WE FORGOT OUR BLOOD!!!

Itachi: It's time to decide who will get the blood.

* Kisame and Itachi runs toward blood in slow motion*

*Classic music plays*

Itachi: I GOT IT!!!!!

Kisame: NO! I GOT IT!!!!

* Bucket of blood flies in air*

Kisame and Itachi: * In slow motion* NUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Tries to catch bucket*

*Bucket falls on Itachi*

Itachi: MY EYES!!!! MY EYES!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!

Kisame: Eeww... the blood's on you so I'm not going to bother taking it from you now.

Itachi: AARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!! HURRY UP AND HELP ME YOU DEUSHBAG!!!!! * Bumping into walls *

Kisame: I never thought that blood could burn your eyes.

Itachi: DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!

Miko: I don't think he even cares.

Kisame: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! * Transforms into Sasuke *

Miko: !_!

Itachi: * Stops screaming* I smell no fishy scent... is that you, my emo brother?

Sasuke: YEP!!!! ^_^

Miko: But how?

Sasuke: The second Miko kicked me, I used a magnet to attract Kisame's headband and then...

Miko: That must be one powerful magnet. 0_0

Sasuke: Yes... now don't interrupt. As I was saying... IattractedKisamewiththeworld'smostpowerfulmagnetandthenIquicklyswitchedclot heswithhimandputonmyKisamemaskandthenblastedKisameouttherewithmymuscles!!
Miko: What?

Itachi: Okay... now back to business! ^_^ IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!!! MOMMY!!!!

Miko: How did you know that was attempting to kick your pretty ass out the window? I mean, you brought all these things...

Sasuke: One of your workers told me...

Miko: DID THEY?! Why I oughta...

Itachi: IT'S ALL KISAME'S FAULT!!!! HE HAD HIS SHARK BLOOD MIXED WITH MY BEAUTIFUL BLOOD!!!! NOW IT BURNS LIKE HELL!!!

Sasuke: You deserve to go to hell anyway... and by the way, that's hot sauce.

Itachi: AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sasuke: Okay, okay, you don't need to be so angry...

Miko: * Dumps bucket of cold water on top of Itachi*

Itachi: Ahhh... hey... WHERE'S THE REAL BLOOD?!

Sasuke: No one will ever know... O___O

Miko: Yeah... we have a mystery, gang!

Itachi: O_o Scooby Doo and blood does not mix.

Naruto: *Wakes up and sees the horrible program again and faints for the millionth time*

Itachi: OH COME ON!!!!

Sasuke: -_-

Miko: -_____________-

* Creepy alien music plays*

~ At the Konoha jail~

Kisame: Look, I didn't do anything!!! This is like something out of a bad fanfic...

Police dude: Shut up!!! This is a fanfic... and a good one, too.

Kisame: Yeah right.

Police dude: Do you want to go back to the closet? * Points to closet filled with yaoi merchandise*

Kisame: PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK TO THE SCARY CLOSET!!!! 0_0

~Flashback~

Kisame: *Tied up in chair*

Itachi: I love you, Kisame. * Kisses Kisame*

Naruto: You're so hot, Kisame.

Sasuke: Kisame, you're mine!

Kakashi: I'm Kisame's favorite...

Shikamaru: No, Kisame loves me!

Neji: My long hair will make any man fall to his knees.

Kiba: Kisame, you can be my next pet...

Lee: Come on, Kisame, pucker up...

Choji: HUGS FOR SEXY SUMO!!!

Kisame: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP IT CHUBBY!!!!! AAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Fight among boys ensues*

*Kisame sneaks away*

Naruto: HEY!!! Kisame's getting away!!

Neji: We must get him back!!!

Lee: FOR THE SAKE OF YOUTHFULNESS AND YAOI!!!

* All boys run after Kisame*

Kisame: AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Haku: WHY AM I ALWAYS LEFT OUT?!

Kiba: Bacause you're dead.

Haku: I will always be remembered in the hearts of my fangirls!!!!!

Kiba: Then go after the fangirls!!! STAY AWAY FROM KISAME!!!

Haku: Whatever... *leaves*

Neji: Umm... hey... he's gone!

Naruto: HE'S BEING CAPTURED BY THE POLICE!!!

Sasuke: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Itachi: KISAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ End flashback~

Kisame: * Shaking with fear*

Police dude: Alright... now tell me why you were in the ladies locker room without supervision of a police dude?

Kisame: You're just as perverted as those yaoi prostitutes!!!

~Back in hotel~

Miko: I think we should get Kisame back. After all, there is a possibility of him ending up in some random ladies locker room, arrested by a police dude, tortured by yaoi prostitues, and currently being interrogated by a police dude...

Sasuke: Oh come on. Miko, what are the possibilities of that hapening?

Itachi: -_- It's all Sasuke's fault.

Sasuke: Let's rescue him together!!! It'll be just like the old days... onlyI'mgoingtokillyouoncewegetback. Okay? *Innocent smile*

Itachi: I didn't quite catch the last part... but we will rescue Kisame together.

Sasuke: Okey-dokey!!!

Miko: Idiots.

Itachi: To the Itachi express!!!

Sasuke: That's not fair!!! I want a car, too!

Itachi: You'll get it one day...

~At police station entrance~

Itachi: How do we get in?

Guard dude: You get past me.

Itachi: That's easy. * Knocks the daylights out of the Guard dude*

Sasuke: TIME TO SAVE KISAME AND MY PROSTITUTE SELF!!!!

Miko and Itachi: *Sweatdrops*

Sasuke: Oops...

~ At Police dude's office~

Kisame: They're back...

Yaoi prostitutes: YAY!!!! KISAME- SAMA!!!!

Itachi: * Breaks down door* FREEZE!!!!

Prostitutes: EEEK!!!! A BLOOD DRENCHED YAOI HATER!!!! *Runs back to closet and locks the door*

Sasuke: I can't have a car, and now I can't have my prostitute self!!! Thanks a lot, Itachi!!! I should kill you later!

Itachi: Sorry.

Police dude: STOP!!!! This is the Konoha police and I advise you to put down your weapons!!! * Holds up badge*

Itachi: * Kills Police dude* BADGE THIS, MORON!!!

Miko: Kisame, you can stop shaking now... the scary prostitutes are gone...

Kisame: *Runs out the door back to the hotel*

Miko: WAIT!!! * Uses teleporting powers to bring herself, Itachi, and Sasuke back to the hotel*

~At hotel~

Kisame: That's not possible!!!

Itachi: I can't believe it!!!

Sasuke: Naruto's gone!!!

Miko: I guess you failed your mission.

Itachi: NOT SO FAST!!! I HAVE TO GO TO PLAN Z!!! WE ARE ONLY IN PLAN C!!!

Miko: Okay... so what are we going to do?

Itachi: ...

Kisame: ...

Sasuke: ...

Miko: I guess you all are clueless...

~With Kakashi~

Kakashi: DIE, ITACHI DIE!!! * Punching a Sasuke-like dummy*

Gai: You're punching your own student, sir.

Kakashi: ARGH!!! This is the fifth time!

Kurenai: I told you that you shouldn't have let me make it.

Asume: SHUT UP!!! I'M WATCHING THE SHIKAMARU STRIPPING SPECIAL!!!!

Kurenai: Oh no... not again...

Kakashi: Quit complaining, servant! Now help me sew an Itachi dummy!!! AND MAKE IT RIGHT!!!

Kurenai: Sigh... fine...

~ Backstage~

Miko: That was a long chapter... I EXPECT REVIEWS!!! OR ELSE I'LL HAVE STEWIE GRIFFIN DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!!

Stewie: Beware!!! * Holds up gun*

Itachi: I would do what she says if I were you.

READ AND (YOU BETTER) REVIEW!!!