Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Itachi's Plans From A to Z ❯ Plan D- Fool Around in the Konoha Village and then get Naruto ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own the yaoi prostitutes, the Jaraiya Headquarters, the yaoi T.V program, the Itachi- killing game, the Yu Yu photos, the
super time traveling device, and the flooded stripping club! ^_^
~ At Jaraiya Headquarters~
Jaraiya: We have Naruto, sir.
Kishimoto: Bring him in.
* Two bodyguards bring Naruto *
Jaraiya: Hello, Naruto.
Naruto: Wha- where am I?
Jaraiya: Jaraiya Headquarters.
Naruto: You actually own your own place? Boy... this is bad.
Kishimoto: SILENCE!!!!! Now men, we are here to discuss-
Naruto: How the two Akatsuki idiots ruined the whole plot of the anime? 0_0
Kishimoto: Precisely. Now, in order to restore all natural calamities, and makesure that the yaoi T. V program never existed-
Naruto: 0_0
Kishimoto: We'll use this super time traveling device.
Jaraiya: O_o Time travel?
Kishimoto: Yes. We'll go back to the first episode of the series and tell that Naruto never to go to that evil hotel.
Naruto: Even if I were to go to another hotel, they would still track me down. -_-
Kishimoto: Next, we'll capture Miko and make sure she never comes to this anime ever again! Look what she did to Yu Yu Hakusho... * Shows photos*
Yusuke: * In surgery*
Kurama: *Broken rose whip replaced by fangirl's thongs*
Kuwabara: * Holding sign on street that says, "Will act stupid for food*
Hiei: * Lying in some random coffin*
Naruto: ...
Kishimoto: Now that you have witnessed Miko's evil-
Naruto: You said that the two Akatsuki morons ruined it.
Kishimoto: No, you said that.
Naruto: Why did you say, "precisely?"
Kishimoto: ... FINE!!! AUTHOR'S FAULT!!!! You're even more annoying than the whole Hyuga clan put together!!!
~ Flashback~
Hiashi: This sucks! I don't even get enough screentime!
Hanabi: Father, I know how you feel...
Hinata: You two don't even deserve any screen time because you two are both below me. Not to mention, you two aren't even main characters.
Hiashi: EVEN NEJI GETS MORE SCREEN TIME THAN ME!!!!
Hinata: * Rolls eyes* Idiot.
Hanabi: Father, please don't be angry...
Hiashi: Hanabi, I have something important for you to do. INTERRUPT EVERY SCREEN MOMENT NEJI GETS!!! DO YOUR WORST PRANKS ON HIM!!
I WANT REVENGE!!!!
Hanabi: O_o
Hiashi: Don't give me that face!!!
Neji: You were plotting behind my back?!
Hinata: What does it look like they're doing?
Neji: It's murder time!!!
Kishimoto: I'm so glad I wrote most of the Uchiha clan out of the show... they would have been even worse than these imbeciles.
Neji: You're included too, bitch!!!
Miko: *Appears* Time out!!! People, you should reason with each other...
Hinata: LET'S KICK ASS!!!!
Miko: Okay... -.-
Neji: VERY WELL!!! TO THE DEATH!!!
* Very violent fight breaks out*
Kishimoto: Thanks a lot, Miko...
Miko: What?!
Kishimoto: I'm going to kill you now...
Miko: !__! * Teleports back home*
Kishimoto: Damn it.
Hanabi: Father, can we go to Disney World now?
Hiashi: Hell no!
Hanabi: But daddy... I thought I was your favorite...
Hiashi: Hanabi, two words... "shut... up."
Hanabi: You're such a giant prick! Seriously, you need a mommy.
Hiashi: -____- My daughters are bitches...
~End flashback~
Naruto: Hinata's dad needs anger management classes.
Kishimoto: We tried that, but he ended up chasing this old lady down the street over a game of go.
Jaraiya: Poor guy... makes you feel sorry for him... and not to mention both of his daughters are jerks.
Naruto: Hinata's not a jerk... she's just pissed at the lack of respect she's been getting lately.
Jaraiya: What about Hanabi?
Naruto: That girl... needs serious help. That moron of a father Hiashi is not letting her go to Disney World because he thinks it's too babyish.
Kishimoto: Let's go back to the time machine plan.
Naruto: But I want to continue making fun of Hiashi.
Kishimoto: The plan is already failing in front of my eyes.
~Back at hotel~
* Door knocks*
Miko: Who is it? * Opens door* Oh crap crap crappity crap...
Kisame: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prostitutes: We're here to get Kisame back.
Miko: Umm... that is not okay at the moment... see, he has an important mission. So once he's done, you can have as much fun with him as you want.
Naruto: REALLY?!
Miko: Yeah.
Naruto: Hmmm... alright, let's get him anyway.
Miko: *Slaps head* >_< I've never met someone so annoying in my whole life.
Kisame: 0_0
Itachi: This is horrifying.
Sasuke: Where is my prostitute self?
Naruto: Ohh... Sasuke's sick today.
Sasuke: -_- That's it... it's Itachi hunting time.
Itachi: AIEEE!!!!!!!!! * jumps out window*
Prostitute Itachi: * Jumps out window after Itachi*
Sasuke: Come back here you cowards!!! * Grabs random butcher knife and jumps out window*
Miko: It's up to you, Kisame. I have to get those idiots back before they destroy the village- again! * Jumps out window*
Kisame: 0_0 I'm done for...
Naruto: Let's play tag!!!
Kisame: Who's it?
Naruto: All of us.
Kisame: O_O That's nice. *Dashes for the window and jumps out*
Naruto: Come on girls- I mean, boys!
Neji: That's the third time you messed up today!
Kiba: You do that again and you won't get Kisame for a year!
Naruto: 0_0 Okay, I'll be good.
~Konoha streets~
Sasuke: DIE ITACHIS!!!!
Itachis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Both runs into random stripping club*
Sasuke: !_! *Stops* The last time I thought this place was a library, I nearly got a job as a pole dancer!
Miko: * Appears*
Sasuke: DON'T DO THAT!!!!
~At Ichiraku~
Kisame: One bowl of ramen here!
Old dude: Aren't you that evil shark guy?
Kisame: No... I'm the ramen inspector.
Old dude: !_! Ayame! bring me the best ingredients!!!
Ayame: Is it the ramen inspector?
Old dude: Yep.
Ayame: * Runs out*
Kisame: ~I should be safe here~
Ayame: Dad! There are prostitutes outside!
Old dude: O_o This day kees getting weirder and weirder.
Kisame: I have to go now...
Old dude: What about the ramen inspection?
Kisame: There's another ramen store I have to go to.
Old dude: -_-
Kisame: Sorry! Bye!
*Runs off*
Old dude: That son of a bitch!!!
~Stripping club~
Miko: I see the prostitute Itachi.
Sasuke: * Goes over and grabs Itachi*
Manager: Hold it! That's my stripper!
Sasuke: Stripper this!!! *Kicks manager in crotch*
Miko: ^_^ This is fun! * Claps*
Manager: Owwww!!!!!
P. Itachi: Where is Kisame?
Sasuke: He's dead!
P. Itachi: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Weeps*
Sasuke: =^_^=
Miko: -_-
Itachi: Yo! Whassup?
Miko: You better watch out.
Sasuke: I have good/bad news, Itachi. Kisame is dead.
Itachi: !_! How am I supposed to contiue the plan now?
P. Itachi: * Cries even harder and the tears start flooding the floor*
Miko: ...
Itachi: Kisame!!! * Cries even louder and harder*
Sasuke: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Miko: *Escapes from flooding club*
* Water creeps into the village*
Random villager: Oh boy, water! I'm thirsty. * Drinks tears* Yuck! This is saltwater!!!
Miko: Actually, you're drinking the tears of Prostitute Itachi and the Uchiha Itachi himself!!!
R V: !_! MOMMY!!!!! * Runs away*
~With Kisame~
Kisame: HELP ME!!!!!
Prostitutes: KISAME!!!!!
Villagers: Look! A parade! * Joins*
Kisame: Yay!!!! * escapes to Jaraiya Headquarters*
~With Prostitutes~
Naruto: Let me through! You're getting in my way!!!
Pervert: Not until you let me grope you.
Neji: Stupid... retarded... people...
Pervert #2: Your long hair makes me fall to my knees.
Neji: -_-
Kiba: KISAMEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Village floods*
* Miko, Sasuke, and the Itachis escape to Jaraiya headquarters*
~With Kakashi~
Kakashi: I like this video game because it involves killing infinite Itachis, and it's very entertaining!!!
Gai: You should eat, Kakashi, you've been hooked to this game for 12 hours.
Kakashi: NO!!! I'm on level 2,000 and you're not stopping me!!!
Gai: Fine... hey Asuma, is the Sasuke and Itachi special on yet? I can't wait to see Lee as well.
Asuma: This is a Shikamaru stripping special marathon!!! You should wait until tomorrow night.
Gai: Dammit all.
Kurenai: Maybe I should just go now...
Kakashi: Anko is coming over tomorrow, and you'll be treating her like a guest while we have fun!!
Kurenai: Yes your anti-Itachiness.
~ Backstage~
Miko: My fingers hurt!!!
Itachi: My eyes are swollen from crying...
P. Itachi: WAH!!!!!!! Kisame!!!! * Still crying*
Kisame: I'm actually alive and well.
Sasuke: Shut up, moron!!!
P. Itachi: I thought I heard Kisame.
Sasuke: No... it's just your fellow prostitutes saying that they're alive and well.
P. Itachi: I hate you! You're even worse than Prostitute Sasuke! * Continues weeping*
Sasuke: Read and Review!!! =^_^=