Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Lessons in Shinobi Love ❯ Lesson 15: Learn To Be Lonely ( Chapter 15 )

A/N: Now that the weight of recapping has been lifted, I can get to the fanfic's actual cause. KakaSaku goodness to come.

 

Thanks for bearing with me. Man, I'll never re-cap in a fanfic again. Good thing I didn't have to do that with Mission: Freak Out Kakashi, I'd still have 6 chapters to go @_@

 

 

 

 

 

:::

 

Lessons in Shinobi Love

 

Lesson 15: To Learn To Be Lonely

 

By: Melissa Norvell

 

 

:::

 

 

 

She was gone.

 

She left him alone.

 

Perhaps this was a good thing, though. It could teach her many lessons, perhaps some that he himself couldn't teach her. He had his regrets of not working with her as he did Sasuke and Naruto, but he felt that she needed her space after their little skirmish in training.

 

On the other hand, Chuunin training could just make the bond between her and Sasuke closer, ruining his chance. But he didn't want to be lonely any more; he didn't want to bear that heartache etched on the list of love.

 

After many years of seclusion and being distant, Kakashi realized that he was only hurting himself more and more by distancing himself from everyone and found himself yearning for the simple pleasures that he used so freely take for granted.

 

Maybe his moment of loneliness got the better of him during training.

 

What was he thinking anyway?

 

He probably scared his student in that one moment of inconsideration.

 

As he walked through the dusty streets of Konoha, lined with the many ninja and civilians alike, he seemed to be a disappearing soul as he learned to be lonely and let his students advance to higher training.

 

After all, all teachers must give their students wings to fly, and once they learned how, it was something that must be done. A shinobi is an unfeeling tool, and though Kakashi didn't truly think along with the Rules of Shinobi Conduct, he knew it was a cold fact of life.

 

He couldn't help but miss his students. Sasuke's brooding, Naruto's arguing and Sakura's laughter. Those images which were burned into his mind sent him back to the roots of childhood, something he himself didn't live normally.

 

And so he walked. It was off to take on missions alone.

 

And Kakashi was reminded of what it was to be alone once more.

 

 

 

XI.

 

 

During this period, he was assigned several missions with the other Chuunin and Jounin of Konoha, accomplishing all he had set out to do. Because like any good teacher who passes their students and sends them onward, he must learn to move on. Though moving on was never an easy subject for Kakashi to deal with.

 

After all, his childhood was still burned into his memory, like a horrible brand that would never fade away, and his team mate's deaths rode on his shoulders like the shadow of the grim reaper, which threatened his life daily with the tasks at hand in being a shinobi.

 

He often thought about his students and wondered how they were doing, recalling days of old and wondering to himself if any of them would remember to come back to him, especially a certain pink haired lady.

 

Sakura.

 

At times, he wished he had worked with her as much as he had Sasuke and Naruto, but figured that he was getting in too deep with his indecent act during survival training.

 

That was one thing he scolded himself for.

 

She probably thought he was a world class freak.

 

He was lonely back then, but now it seemed colder then before as nostalgia seemed to hit him from many different angles, both good and bad. Looking to the ironically blue skies, he sighed. The sun was beating down upon his form, illuminating him with an almost unearthly glow as he watched a lone crow fly across the clear skies.

 

 

Despite whatever previous mistakes he had made, he did worry for Sakura. She never found herself to be the most beneficial or strongest member on the team. She always had this thing for Sasuke, something that was a distraction to the team, or perhaps Kakashi thought this because of other, most cryptic and complex feelings then he first wanted to show.

 

Was that little escapade outside of the survival training just loneliness or something else entirely?

 

The though both disturbed and even frightened him a little. Getting close to anyone wasn't something he had a desire to fulfill. He had remembered what it got him with Obito, and he swore to never let anything like that happen again.

 

It was a promise.

 

A promise to himself.

 

It was an inhibition that he didn't want to fade, a barrier around his heart. Against his better judgment, he had to take it as all shinobi did. He was a tool, just like any other shinobi, used for any client's purpose, without an opinion on the mission he was given, whether it was suicidal or just plain wrong.

 

He had seen the just plain wrong version of this after entering ANBU, and deep down, if given too much thought, it probably would disturb him. But Kakashi decided long ago not to give things of that subject matter too much thought. At least in that department.

 

Somehow, no matter how far away, Sakura had a hold on him. It was a hold that he both hated, was disgusted by and yet adored all in one emotion. This girl, who was so in love with an Uchiha held a power over him that smashed his past ideals of not getting too close for fear of causing a loved one death into fragments, which were unrepairable no matter how many times Kakashi had tried to piece them back together again.

 

She was his power, his pleasure and his pain all in one.

 

He did seem to notice a slight difference in her when she left for the exams. She had even blushed when he mentioned her name. It had confused him a little as to why exactly, but his mind reeled back the conclusion that it was in recollection of what had happened between them and it didn't really matter at the time, because when she came back, she would be with Sasuke, or at least still making googly eyes at him like any other adolescent girl in her class.

 

He sighed at this thought.

 

The lone jounin didn't know why, but he wanted Sakura to see that Sasuke would always treat him as he did in the past. The stoic boy was too entangled in avenging his Clan to want love or anything to do with this subject. He may even, in his young age find love to be a sign of weakness when facing a foe such as Itachi. He may even be correct on that theory, at least for now.

 

But Sasuke was young, after all and didn't have the experience that Kakashi had dealing with things of that nature in the past. Idle mistakes of the heart.

 

Those mistakes had cost him greatly and changed his views of the shinobi world, making him wiser.

 

Damn whatever human emotions still remained that weren't sold to the ANBU Ops. Perhaps he should have sold love to them as well. If not for that emotion, he wouldn't be mulling over this whole predicament.

 

But that could not be helped.

 

He had come down to one conclusion: The reason he felt this attachment to Sakura was out of love. He wanted to make her see that Sasuke didn't appreciate her, to avoid her from getting hurt as he did in the past. He knew that she could not handle it as he did. Her heart was frail and so easily exposed to pain. While the object of the training was to make her into a person not so accustomed to getting hurt, he could see that in that subject she was willing to put that very organ on a plate if need there be.

 

He didn't need Sharingan to know that it was a foolish mistake in the making.

 

While he thought it a selfish endeavor, he also knew the old saying. Whether you think about it or not, the actions and choices you make are never as conceited as you think they are. When he thought about it, it held true. He was doing it for her sake, because deep down for reasons unknown, it did pain him to see her heart be torn apart by Sasuke.

 

Even if what he did in the past was rash and considered disturbing by most, he did it out of the kindness of his heart, something rarely done by someone like him, who was so closed to the world in general, let alone the romantic department.

 

He would learn to be lonely, but patiently wait until she came back, whether she was with Sasuke or not.

 

Though he silently hoped she was not.

 

 

TBC

 

 

A/N: God that was short…And a whole lot of `Kakashi doing nothing'. Oh well, I wanted this to be like a spacer-type chapter. There will be KakaSaku in the next one.

 

As a side note, Sakura DID blush when Kakashi mentioned her name before starting off to the Chuunin Exams. I don't know about anyone else, but it makes me wonder…And at the same time, I found myself going HA! I KNEW IT!

 

Please R&R!