Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Life is Lovelier the Second Time Around ❯ Sasori of the Red Sand ( Chapter 23 )

Disclaimer: Disclaimer? …THIS IS SPARTA!!! Don't own Naruto or 300…but I'm going to get the rights to 3000. Or Hallo Hallo…or spongebob…or The Mask…or Jeff dunham.

 

AN: SORRY!!! I've been really busy lately. I can't believe I haven't updated in so long. Hope no one hates me. I think I might have gone a wee bit overboard on the crackishness…yeah…of this chapter. Hope it doesn't cause anyone to go insane. P.S. I am really really really really really really really really really REALLY sorry about the wait. As soon as I finish this fic and whatever sequels may follow (and I get my hands on a katana) you have but to ask and I shall commit sepuku on the spot.

 

Animeprincessinulover: yeah I agree but…oh well it gives me some material to work with. And yeah kakashi is a perv. Sorry I didn't update anywhere near soon but I've been kind of stressed out recently. Love your new fic.

 

Vospader21: Glad you liked it. Careful death by laughter is not a pretty way to die. Do I want to know what the other three experiences were? And I hope this doesn't count as me breaking my vow.

 

Kakashinobaka: Thanks. Nice to see a new face around here. Hinata is insane, thanks for finding her funny and not bugging me about her being OOC. Glad you like the fic. I swear it usually doesn't take this long to update my fic. Enjoy the chap.

 

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“Do you know what I do to make my puppets?” Sasori asked with a chuckle. “First I take out all the organs. Then I take care to preserve the body. And lastly but not leastly…Leslie, leash, LEAST!!! …least, I fill the body full of traps and weapo…”

 

“Are you coming on to me?” Hinata interrupted raising an eyebrow.

 

“…Coming…on…you…what?” Sasori stammered without realizing what he was stammering.

 

“I don't think so. We just met.” Hinata said simply, she didn't look offended.

 

“…” Chiyo and Sakura couldn't use words anymore.

 

“How the hell does what I said sound like I'm coming on yo…coming on to you?!” Sasori yelled.

 

“You're the one talking about shoving stuff inside me, then you were going to take turns having sex with my unconscious body, before you murder me and bury my remains.”

 

“Huh?” Sasori looked past Hinata but Sakura and Chiyo just shrugged.

 

“CLASSMATES!!! Who am I to accept such a great honor? Why I would be nothing without Mrs. Puff.” Hinata began dramatically. “I shall protect all that are weak IN THE HALL!!! All rules will be enforced IN THE HALL!!!…

 

“What the hell is wrong with this girl?” Sasori asked, another shrug.

 

“…Crime and punishment, punishment and crime, IN THE HALL!!!” A small stalagmite (or is it stalagtite?) fell and bonked her on the head. “Ow.” She stumbled backwards and landed in Sakura's arms. “Hold me close, Red. It's getting dark.”

 

`Next time, I take out the kyuubi and Deidara fights the two psychos in their underwear.'

 

“Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas.” Hinata went limp in Sakura's arms before sitting upright again. “Tell Scarlet, I do give a damn!”

 

“Hinata what's wrong with you?” Sakura asked rolling her eyes. `Evil drug strikes again.'

 

“Nyquil and Red Bull” Hinata said with a giggle. “Wow, you are so cute.”

 

“Focus Hinata.” Sakura said dropping the brunette.

 

“Ouchy. Sakura that wasn't nice.” Hinata whined, she pouted up at Sakura who just ignored her. She jumped up and wrapped herself around Sakura. “There, you can atone for what you've done by holding me…and taking this bra off.” Hinata instantly latched onto the garment and began tugging furiously.

 

“Kyah! Hinata let go! I'm serious! That's it!” Sakura pinned Hinata to the floor.

 

“I win!” Hinata laughed triumphantly holding a pink bra in the air.

 

“AH!!!” Sakura yelped and covered herself.

 

“Oh, come on you big baby. He's gay, those mosquito bites have no effect on him.” Hinata said with a grin.

 

“Mosquito bites?!” Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk BONK!!! Sakura preceded to knocked Hinata fifteen kinds of unconscious…what the hell does that mean?

 

“Okay I hear the word gay one more ti…” Sasori began angrily.

 

“I don't care if he's gay. You just made me flas…” Sakura ranted to her unconscious friend.

 

“That does it! The death of a thousand spoons to you!!!” Hiruko's mouth opened and thousands of senbo…wait what the hell, those are spoons! Why are there spoons?! Okay, thousands of spoons flew at Sakura and Hinata.

 

Sakura turned just in time to see the spoons before being yanked out of the way. She looked up to see Chiyo pulling her and Hinata (still unconscious) to their feet. “Time out. Okay girls.” Chiyo began as she pulled them into a huddle. “I know Sasori, I'll be able to anticipate his moves fairly easily. Between me and you…” She turned to find Hinata propped against Sakura. “Well when she wakes up she'll be able to warn us about anything I miss. Sakura…” She turned to the pink haired girl. “This is very, very important…DON'T DIE!!!” Sakura yelped and jumped backward so violently that Hinata was thrown across the cave.

 

“Wah! Sorry Hinata.” Sakura quickly ran over, grabbed Hinata, and dragged her back into the group.

 

“Anyway I have a plan…” Chiyo began rapidly whispering in Sakura's ear.

 

`Really hard to hear from inside this thing.' Sasori grumbled to himself.

 

“So long story short I threw Shizune at her, locked both of `em in the closet, and shot myself out of a cannon.” Chiyo concluded…whatever she was talking about before turning back to Sasori. (If you were to rearrange the letters in that sentence, you would be surprised to find it's a clever anagram for what Chiyo's clever strategy….you would be surprised. Hell, I'd be down right shocked.)

 

“Got it.” Sakura said with a nod. Okay Hinata it's up to you and m…Hinata?”

 

“Zzzzzzzz.” Hinata was still out cold, now curled around Sakura's leg.

 

“Hinata! Get off me!” Sakura kicked her leg violently but Hinata hung on.

 

“Thank you mistress. May I have another?” She murmured sleepily.

 

“Little pervert.” Sakura groaned, one eye twitching.

 

“Yes mistress, I'm not worthy to be in your presence.” Hinata punctuated this sentence by kissing Sakura on the foot.

 

“GAH!!!!! That's it! Foot fetish is where I draw the line!!!” Sakura began swinging her leg with a strength that would make Tsunade proud. Hinata still clung to the pink haired girl even though she was being waved around like a flag. “Get off my leg! Get off my leg! GET OFF MY LEG!!!”

 

`Maybe I should just attack them…maybe I could just walk out of here and no one would notice.' Sasori began to sneak toward the cave when…

 

“Zzzzzzzz.” Hinata came flying from across the room at him.

 

“Wargh!” Hinata stopped an inch from Sasori who was protecting his head with both arms and his tail. “Wait a sec, I'm an Akatsuki! What am I screaming about?!” He looked up to see Hinata floating in mid-air. “AH!!!!! GHOST!!!!!” Sasori cowered but quickly saw Chiyo was holding on hand out.

 

“Sorry, I figured that we might as well get some use out of her.” Chiyo grinned as her new puppet somersaulted away from the puppet master.

 

“Okay, now are we ready Sakura?” Chiyo asked.

 

“Ready when you are.” Sakura said cracking her knuckles.

 

“Here I come Sasori!” Chiyo called as she and her new puppet dashed to each side of the rogue ninja.

 

Sasori turned from Chiyo on his left to the still out cold Hinata (she's going to be confused when she wakes up) on his right.

 

“Hmm. Which on of you shall I attack…let me se-her!” Sasori instantly turned and sprayed senbon at Hinata. Chiyo carefully maneuvered the brunette through the barrage of needles.

 

“Nice try but arthritis or not I'm still the better puppeteer.” Chiyo teased.

 

“I don't know I think I would have anticipated this.” Sasori said before turning to fire senbon at Sakura.

 

Sakura dodged the barrage without so much as a scratch, much to Sasori's surprise. “Nice try but we did anticipate that.” Sakura said with a grin.

 

“Oh, no! Whatever shall I do?! If only there was a way I could attack all three of you at the same time! Wait a sec…” Sasori suddenly raised his hand into the air. “I just got a idea.” The hand shot off of his arm and opened to reveal thousands of senbon.

 

“In the immortal worlds of Shakespeare: We're all gonna die! We're all gonna fucking die!!!” Sakura screamed as she and Hinata dodged the onslaught. Chiyo however was instantly hit and quickly fell to the ground. The senbon finally stopped falling and Sasori saw a log lying where his grandmothers corpse should be.

 

“What? Oh you have got to be kidding.” Sasori groaned as Sakura (with a poof) turned into Chiyo.

 

“Fooled ya, sonny boy!” Chiyo cackled.

 

“Substitution. So where'd that other one go?” Sasori asked looking around.

 

“Surprise!” Sakura dropped from the top of the cave and slam down onto Hiruko. She leapt away quickly sure that Sasori had a counterattack ready.

 

“Well that's too bad. I was quite fond of Hiruko. Oh well, I suppose you three will make up for it.” A red haired teen said casually stepping out of the wreckage that remained of his puppet.

 

“So this is the real Sasori.” Sakura said scanning over him. “Doesn't look like much.”

 

“Looks can be deceiving, child.” Sasori said with a smirk at Sakura.