Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Mating Season ❯ The Desert's Dessert ( Chapter 6 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Serac 
Naruto.....that poor unfortunately fortunate fool.....
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.11.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Work In Progress
Naruto.....that poor unfortunately fortunate fool.....
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.11.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Work In Progress
-----Author’s note: This chapter will focus on the vote’s runner up, everyone’s favorite sand goddess, Temari!I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----
“Man, this has got to be one of the worst missions we’ve ever gotten.”
“It’s not that bad, and it serves a purpose.”
The purpose of the said mission was to gather information concerning the development and strength of Konoha’s young ninjas, to help gauge the village’s future strength as an ally. The three on the mission were of an ally to Konoha, and they were openly let into the village to make their observations. They were supposed to be helping out in the academy’s classes, but they hadn’t gotten much done, honestly.
“Wet nursing doesn’t suit me, ok? And as far as purpose goes, I could be doing more meaningful things with my hand down my pants.”
A mighty swing of a closed fan found its way upside the gruff teen’s head, sending him to the ground face first. Several nearby children laughed and pointed at the spectacle.
Gaara of the desert, currently serving as a jungle-gym for fourteen small children, turned his eyes lazily to his sister and brother, Temari and Kankuro respectively. His brother was laying on the ground, eyes swirling around as Temari stood over him, pointing and telling him what a scumbag he was, and how he needed to grow up.
Gaara had come a long way since his lost battle against Naruto. The Shukaku was still in there, but it wasn’t a dominating presence any longer, as though the defeat had subdued it in a way he never would have been able to. He still didn’t talk much and he preferred not to express any emotions, when possible, but he enjoyed the company of his brother and sister, now. What was even more surprising was that they seemed to enjoy his company, as well. Incompatible and rough as they may be at times, they were a family, and they meant something to each other.
“Why can’t you be more like that Nara guy? He.....” Temari shut up, quickly realizing she may have said too much, just then.
Kankuro, ignoring the fountain of blood that was his head, popped up with a gigantic grin spread from ear to ear, “Is that why you were so insistent on us being the team sent for this crack mission? Because of that gu-”
This time, the edge of her fan wasn’t directed at his head, rather, it found its way up between his legs. The sheer force of the attack as it connected with her brother sent shockwaves throughout the school building, knocking several little children to their behinds.
Kankuro’s eyes practically popped out of his head as he was lifted into the air and slammed into the ceiling before flipping and coming down headfirst. Temari, with a grunt, hoisted the still folded fan over her shoulder, spinning to gain momentum to her swing, which slammed her puppet-master brother in the back of the head, sending him flying past Gaara and into a bookcase, which tumbled on top of the devastated teen.
“Of course that’s not why I wanted to be the team!” Temari fumed, pointing at the mess of books which concealed her no doubt unconscious sibling, “I just wanted to get out of the desert, for a change!”
Gaara was staring at her, eyes a little wide, though he said nothing. He wondered if he had used to be as scary as her.....There was no way in hell he was going to point out, just then, that her face was burning a lucid scarlet.
Iruka Umino crossed the room, laying a hand on the angry blonde’s shoulder, “Hey, you’re not setting a very good example for the kids, now.....” He motioned over to one of the little girl students, who promptly thrust her leg up between a boy’s legs, finding home in his most sensitive of areas. Before the boy even had time to yelp, the girl had swung a book into his head and sent him sprawling to the ground.
“I-I’m sure that kid was just a scumbag, trying to cop a feel!” Temari laughed nervously.
Iruka raised an eyebrow, looking over to the boy who was limping away and crying for his mom.
The sand ninja hung her head low, “Sorry about that,” She muttered.
“Just try and be a little less impulsive, alright? I’m sure Shikamaru will be happy to see you, too.”
“I’m not here for him!” Temari shouting, mere seconds before Iruka was sent barreling through the wall and out into the playground.
-
Shikamaru sneezed, startling Ino, who was currently hanging on his arm as the two made their way down the street. The chuunin didn’t particularly want the blonde ninja groping all over him, but he found that when she wasn’t there grasping his arm he.....missed.....the weight. Yeah, that was it. Anything else would simply be far too troublesome.
“Did you hear about what happened with Tenten and Lee?” Ino asked with a snicker, bumping Shikamaru with her shoulder.
“No, I don’t really keep up with gossip,” The Nara admitted, more than just a tinge of boredom in his voice.
“Well, you’re going to, now!”
“Why would I start? It’s not like anything’s changed, or anything like that. Right?”
Ino didn’t reply right away. His bored attitude paired with his less-than-choice words hurt a little bit. Well, she knew it wasn’t going to be easy from the get-go, but she was going to break the lazy genius from his almost anti-social ways, even if it killed her, “Yeah, things have changed! Now that Sasuke-kun is out of the picture, I’ve got to mold you into a better man, so I at least have some alternative!”
Shikamaru raised a finger as he spoke, “Several things about what you just said. 1. Sasuke didn’t like gossip, either. 2. I AM a better man that Sasuke was. 3. I’m nobody’s consolation prize. 4. We’re not a couple. 5. What about MY choice? 6. I-”
Ino swung around in front of him, planting a kiss on his lips. After a few seconds, she stepped back to look into his surprised eyes, “You’re cutest when you’re not talking.”
“Sasuke did a lot of not talking, too.”
“That’s why it’s cute,” Ino grinned a little as she admitted that. Before she could take her place at Shikamaru’s side, a blast of wind collided with her, sending her spiraling into the air and down the street.
Shikamaru called out after her, lunging after the blonde with all of his strength and speed. He dove, arms outstretched as he managed to get beneath the girl in time. He caught her just before she hit the ground. The chuunin got a mouthful of dirt as he slid face first along the ground. It was weird.....he was expecting to be a little sore from the landing, but he felt perfectly fine. Also, the dirt in his mouth felt a little grittier than it should have.
“Are you ok?” He asked weakly, spitting some of the ground out to the side.
“Y-Yeah. What happened?” Ino asked loudly, looking around as she sat in her friend’s arms, “Ack! We’re floating!”
“Huh?” The chuunin looked up, and sure enough, they were a few inches above the ground, hovering on a blanket of sand. That’s what was in his mouth, and why he wasn’t winded from the landing. He glanced over his shoulder, not surprised to find Gaara, and his massive gourd of sand.
The sand was sucked back into the gourd, letting the two drop the few inches back to the ground with a soft thud. The two friends watched as Temari hurried over to them, Gaara and Kankuro following slowly after her.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you guys there!” The blonde sand ninja exclaimed, fastening her fan onto her back as she knelt down beside the two. She cast a glance at the weak girl that had just kissed HER man. ‘Hussy,’ She thought bitterly. HER man, being the man she definitely was NOT here to see.
Shikamaru hopped up, helping Ino back to her feet at the same time, “You should be more careful. That was reckless to use that jutsu in the village, like that.....But, still, it’s good to see you again.”
Kankuro, who was now beside his sister, snickered to himself as he caught the little flash of red cross Temari’s cheeks. Gaara was on her other side, doing quite well in remaining emotionless, though he had a request to make.
“Y-You too.....” And that was it. Words had effectively flown from her mind, and all she could do was stare at him while her face steadily grew redder.
Kankuro had his hands on his knees and was hunched over a little, doing his best to keep from laughing right then and there in front of them. His eyes were watering up, though, and his chest was convulsing a little from holding it in. He loved Temari, but seeing her so vexed was like an orgasm for his hilarity radar.
As though he could feel the tension, though he made no sign of it, Gaara broke through the silence, opening his mouth to speak. A rare feat, but it happened occasionally, “Where is Uzumaki?”
Shikamaru seemed a little taken aback at the question, or maybe at the fact that he had just been addressed by the intimidating redhead, “I-I haven’t seen him lately. I guess he’s at his house.”
“Take me there. I want to see him.”
Shikamaru failed to notice the vein throbbing in Temari’s forehead as Ino wrapped her arm around his own before he replied, “It’s troublesome.....but I guess we could pay the guy a visit. I haven’t seen him in awhile, like I said, so sure.”
Temari latched her arm around Shikamaru’s free arm, and flashed him a smile, “You’re so nice to help us out. Thanks.....”
Shikamaru returned the smile, though a little awkwardly, and began to take the group of sand ninjas to Naruto’s place. He turned his eyes up to the clouds, completely oblivious to the nasty looks the girls on either side of him were exchanging.
‘Today’s gonna be a good day,’ Kankuro thought, wiping a tear away.
-
“.....And with this, I banish thee to the darkest depths of hell!” Naruto shouted, throwing the C-BOY with all of his might into the darkest darkness that he had seen in quite awhile. Believe me you, folks, Naruto had seen dark.
Lee watched as his friend tossed the C-BOY into a trunk at the foot of his bed, locking it in with several other things that Naruto had no desire to have. The blonde teen brought his hand before him in prayer, closing his eyes, “And may you never darken my loins again, foul demon.”
“Don’t you think you’re taking it a little too far?” Lee asked, raising an eyebrow at the blonde before leaving to do two thousand pushups while watching television.
“I think I took it too far with Anko, even with that God-forsaken bear trap on! Ugh, never again! I feel dirty just thinking about it.....”
“It’s good to be dirty, Naruto! Working up a sweat and getting down in the mud is a true sign of youthfulness!” Lee stated, starting his pushups.
“Oh, there was sweat. I wouldn’t be surprised if we did something in mud, too, and then took a bath, or something......it must have been.....”
“26.....Horrible? 27, 28, 29.....”
“Yeah.....Horrible. So, what happened between you and Tenten, exactly?” Naruto started to rub his arms, as though there was this kind of invisible film of filth coating him. He was feeling like he needed to bathe. Again. For the sixth time since coming home, the day before. Lee had only been back in the apartment for the last hour or so, though he acted as though he had no injuries at all. The bandages the majority of his body was sporting said otherwise, though.
“47.....Naruto.....52.....in my moment of weakness, I tried to succumb to the fruits of the flesh!” Lee shouted, tears pouring from his eyes.
“Fruits? Like.....”
“Like she was a cherry! Like she was a perfect, ripe little cherry to be plucked right then and there! 142, 143, 144.....” the youthful teen was doing his pushups at a dangerous speed, now.
“I’m not sure if cherry was the best choice for this particular subject.....” Naruto admitted somewhat uneasily.
“Why? 188, 189, 190.....”
“I hate to burst your cherry there, captain, but strawberries are a lot more sensual. You should have gone with that,” The blonde laughed, and Lee joined in.
“You’re right, Naruto! Strawberries ARE more sensual! What was I thinking, cherries? 231, 232, 233.....”
For some reason unknown to either one, they both felt real dirty now. Lee still had to do his pushups before anything else, though. Naruto, meanwhile, was free to do whatever. “I think I’m gonna take another shower, Lee.....” He mumbled, wondering what on earth he had said that made him feel so nasty.
-
“See? Here we are,” Shikamaru spoke blandly, tilting his head towards the apartments as the drew ever closer. Only about fifty yards to go, conveniently enough.....
The chuunin in-between the two girls had to stop walking altogether when both girls tensed up simultaneously, nearly jerking his arms out of their sockets. Kankuro noticed this, and saw that even Gaara lost his footing, and nearly fell. He tensed up as well, wondering if there was some sort of presence they were feeling that he hadn’t picked up on.
In fact, that was very true. Temari, ino, and Gaara were all picking up on a presence. Or maybe it was the presence that was picking up on them.....either way, all three were shuddering under the heat that was splashing around in them.
Shikamaru broke free from the trembling girl’s grasps, looking them each in the face, “What’s wrong? Are you two alright?” He looked around for a second, wondering if maybe they were being targeted by an enemy. It didn’t seem that either one of the girls had been struck with anything, however. Gaara was acting a little shaky, as well. He turned his wandering gaze back to the girls, frowning as he saw they were breathing hard. Temari’s eyes rolled up a little as a soft moan escaped her lips.
“That didn’t sound good!” Kankuro muttered, backing away from his sister.
“Actually, it did,” Shikamaru replied honestly, backing up beside the puppet master.
The two males still under control of themselves watched as Gaara hunched over, continuing the march to Naruto’s apartment. Temari and Ino, apparently out of their momentary stupor, followed after him as though nothing had happened.
“Uh.....g-guys?” The somber genius called after them, taking a ginger step forward.
“Hey.....why’s Gaara walking like that?” Kankuro asked quietly, pointing to his brother.
Shikamaru shrugged, following after the three. It appeared that everything was ok, now, so maybe they had just imagined it. Or, far more likely, they were just over exaggerating it. But that noise Temari had made had seemed awfully.....erotic sounded about right, but that would be troublesome for him to dwell on, so he just let it go.
The group, rather quickly, made their way up the staircase to the second floor’s worth of apartments. Shikamaru pointed out Naruto’s door with a rather shaky hand. The look on Gaara’s face was terrifying. It was terrifying because it was a look he had never seen before on his face. It was a look of.....happiness and excitement! It took him almost ten entire seconds to get Kankuro to take another step, so shocked was the brother.
Gaara, still hunched over for ‘mysterious’ reasons, banged on Naruto’s door.
-
“1,744, 1,755, 1,756, 1,757.....”A rather urgent sounding pounding at the door interrupted Lee’s vigil. Not willing to get up and fail his quest to hit two thousand pushups, the youthful youth pushed himself into a handstand, and walked across the room on his hands. He used his feet to twist the knob, opening the door to find a big shock, indeed.
“You!” Lee shouted, losing his balance and falling on his face.
“How youthful,” Shikamaru piped up from behind Gaara, who was waiting to be invited in. His hungry eyes were scanning the room. At least they were, up until the point where Lee jumped to his feet and placed his face about an inch away from Gaara’s.
“Are you here for our rematch? You helped me out when I fought Kimimaro, but I knew this day would come!” Lee jumped back into the center of the room, getting into his fighting stance, “I’m ready!”
“Where’s Naruto-kun?” The devil of the desert asked plainly, assuming it would be alright for him to enter, which he did.
“Naruto.....kun?” Lee echoed, easing out of his stance and scratching the back of his neck, “He’s taking a shower, right now.....” He would have sworn he saw Gaara twitch when he received the information.
Shikamaru was practically thrown over the railing and to the ground below as Temari and Ino pushed their way into the apartment, each one flushed a pretty red. They were looking all over the place, “Where’s the shower?” Ino practically yelled at Lee, whose eyes were huge as he measured the odds of his survival, Shikamaru’s survival, Naruto’s virginity’s survival.....he didn’t count the Anko debacle. The C-BOY hadn’t been removed, after all.
Kankuro entered the room, now, looking around not for Naruto, but for a hint of sanity, or an explanation.
Lee lunged into the hallway, placing himself just before Temari, whose eyes blazed with the passion of not youth, but lust. Maybe it was youthful lust, he didn’t get much time to look.
With a smirk, the blonde teen stepped aside to allow a wave of sand to smash into Lee, crashing him through a wall and into Naruto’s room. The sand hardened around him, locking him down to the floor. Before he could shout for help, a lens of sand covered his mouth, keeping him silent.
The sex hungry group of three turned to the sound of running water, each ready to make Naruto their own.....
-
Naruto was humming away happily, rubbing shampoo in his hair. It was his favorite shampoo. No, silly, not ramen scented. He had tried that out, but it made him hungry, so he couldn’t enjoy the shower. His favorite shampoo, that didn’t make him hungry, was none other than Johnson & Johnson baby’s shampoo, 2 in 1 detangler. He stopped humming, breaking out into the lyrics.
“Tonight.....I’m gonna have myself.....a real good time.....I feel alive.....and the world, turning inside out, yeah. I’m floating around, in ecstasy, so.....” He got his voice real high pitched, “Don’t.....stop me now.....don’t stop me, ‘cause I’m having a good time, having a good time!”
He didn’t even hear the doorknob fall from its place, and clatter noisily to the ground. It slowly crept open.....
“I’m a shooting star leaving through the sky, like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity.....” He started to hum through the words he didn’t know, but he made sure to keep the right rhythm and watch his place. He didn’t notice the shadow approaching him, obscuring the light through the glass stall.
“I want to make a supersonic woman of you!” He exclaimed, pointing to the bottle of Johnson’s baby shampoo, throwing it a happy smile. Man, things were going his way. He loved the shower.
“I love Johnson & Johnson shampoo, too,” He admitted, grabbing the bottle and lobbing it up and down.
“How about you send that Johnson my way, sailor?” A voice came from beside him.
Not really thinking about it, Naruto lobbed the bottle to the side to the as yet unidentified voice, “There ya go.”
“That’s not what I meant, big boy.....”
Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but froze up before he could get the words out. Without moving, he turned his gaze to the corner of his eyes, and was stunned to find Temari standing just outside the shower, wearing nothing save for a towel. And it wasn’t a big towel, either. Hand cloth was probably more accurate, since that’s what it was. She was holding it up to her chest, and it didn’t quite make it all the way down to her waist, so.....
She smirked mischievously as she saw his eyes wander a bit to the South, and stepped into the shower.
Naruto tore his eyes off of Temari’s gorgeous figure, looking frantically for a way out. Damn this tiny shower stall! Damn it to hell! There was nowhere for him to go!
“Nowhere to go but through me, sailor, which is the general idea.....Time to dock ship in Temari Harbor, lover!” She thrust herself up against Naruto, locking him into the hottest kiss of his young life. He could live to be a thousand years old, but nothing would top that moment, he wagered. A beautiful, shapely, completely willing girl had him pressed against his bathroom wall, in his shower. She wasn’t surprised at all when she felt him react in a rather.....male-like fashion.
“Wh-Wh-What a-a-are y-you doing h-here?” Naruto stammered, breaking free from the kiss. He was reaching for the faucets to turn the hot water cold, hopefully saving himself.
Temari saw his hand, and didn’t like where it was going. Namely, not to her. She grabbed his arm, and forcefully redirected his open hand to her chest, “Why am I here, Naruto-kun? Well.....I’m here to-”
-
Lee’s eyes shot in the direction of the bathroom as a long and loud scream echoed through the village. It was Naruto! No, his youth was being compromised! If only the green-clothed teen could get free, he could save his blonde friend from a fate worse than the death of his virginity! Which was, ironically enough, the death of his virginity.
Shikamaru and Kankuro both looked in the direction of the scream, as well. The chuunin was currently down on one knee, holding up Ino, who had used her Mind Body Transfer jutsu on Gaara in an attempt to stop him from getting to Naruto before she did. Kankuro had nothing stopping him, though, so he rushed for the bathroom.
‘Hey! He’s MY man, you creepy little bastard! He’s not interested in your unlikely yaoi pairing, that squealing girls around the world would kill to see! So back off, byatch!’ Mental Ino shouted at mental Gaara, who looked back at her like she was insane.
‘Please, just don’t let me do anything with that blonde idiot!’ Mental Gaara pleaded with mental Ino, dropping to his imaginary knees.
‘What?’
‘Seriously, I don’t want any part of that! ANY part of it, you hear me? I don’t know what it is, but a lot of people seem to want me to be gay, and I just don’t roll like that! They’re always bugging me about it, and I’m just like, ‘Look, there aren’t any girls I’m interested in right now, ok? Chill,’, and they’re all like, ‘Yeah, he’s a total queer.’. I am NOT a homosexual!’
Mental Ino was staring at the confessing mental Gaara as he looked up at her from his position on his knees. She had never heard him talk this much, before. Actually, had she ever heard him use a full sentence?
‘You know what’s the most freaking insane part of all? The people who don’t think I’m gay think I have a thing for the Hyuuga girl! What the hell? I’ve met her, like, once! She got her ass kicked, too! I saw her bleeding all over the place! Think that turns me on? Hell no, it doesn’t! I might have some issues, but Goddamn, what do people think about me, honestly? Stop fantasizing about me and her, or me and some guy!’
‘Are you ok?’
‘Yeah.....sorry. That’s been building up for awhile, now.....’
‘Alright.....so if you’re not gay, than what the hell’s your problem?’
‘It’s the Shukaku!’
‘The demon in you, right?’
Mental Gaara nodded, rising back to his feet, ‘It’s a she!’
‘Oh, shi-’
Ino shook violently in Shikamaru’s arms as though she had just been hit with a club, or something. She groaned a little, her eyes swirling around as she muttered something about gay sex.
“It’s always gotta be lesbian this or gay that with you, doesn’t it? Just like back at the restaurant.....” The chuunin mumbled, shaking his head. Gaara stood up, looking around for a few seconds before making his way to the bathroom.
-
Kankuro burst into the bathroom, his jaw hanging agape when he saw what he saw. What he saw was something he wished he had not seen, and by seeing it, he had seen something that would keep him from seeing his sister the same way he used to see her ever again. EVER again. He felt a vein explode in his head, and he passed out. Gaara had watched all of that unfold from behind his brother. He hoped he’d be alright, but there were more important things to do, first.
Sand erupted from the gourd, busting through the shower stall and the walls, carrying with it Naruto. The blonde ninja, still uncomfortably naked, was propelled up over the village by the sand, and thrown a pretty impressive distance to land in the nearby forests. As this was happening, however, Gaara was vanishing in wisps of sand to stay within close range of his target. Temari, Naruto now too far away for the aura to affect her, looked around, wondering where the hell she was.
The sky suddenly got dark, setting her on guard. She stood up, hopping up onto the edge of the ruined wall to look out in the direction of the expanding darkness. Red chakra was filling up the dark sky, roughly taking the shape of the nine-tailed fox. Just in front of it, an enormous amount of sand and chakra were forming the shape of the Shukaku, which turned itself around to allow the nine-tailed fox to.....well, there’s no polite way to say it.....suffice to say, never before was there doodle making on so grand a scale.
“Well THAT doesn’t look good,” Shikamaru mumbled, suddenly beside Temari.
“What in God’s name is going on?” Temari asked, sending a glance in Shikamaru’s direction.
“I have no idea, and I don’t think I want to know, honestly.....”
The goddess of the sand now realized she was naked, and punched the side of Shikamaru’s head, knocking him down into the bathroom, “Get me a towel, for God’s sake!”
Rubbing his now throbbing head, the chuunin looked for a towel to hand the girl. He let his hand pass over the actual towel, and instead tossed her the washcloth. Temari looked at it for a second as if the Nara fool was joking, then looked over at him. He had a sly grin on his face that suggested he really was just kidding. He was reaching for the real deal towel, now, but Temari saw some things through the destroyed walls that made her pause to think. Kankuro was currently unconscious on the ground before them, Lee was trapped beneath an unbreakable blanket of sand, and Ino was currently knocked out, too. They were completely alone.....
“Shikamaru.....I don’t think I’m going to be needing that towel, after all.....” She whispered, lobbing the washcloth back to him.
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Looked like things were going to get troublesome. REALLY troublesome.....
-
Kakashi, like every other person with sight in Konoha, turned his eyes up to the sight of two gigantic figures of chakra doing the nasty, “Well THAT doesn’t look good,” He muttered, looking for a moment at his video camera. Hm.....no, not this time, “I don’t think I need you for this one, my friend,” He pulled his forehead protector down over his good eye, so both were covered. He started the walk to where he believed the two to be, “Let’s see if I can fix this without seeing anything.....that would be nice.....”
-----Author’s other note: Alright, I only had three or four scenes in there that I left up to the imagination.....because that’s just how I roll, sorry folks.
The song Naruto was singing in the shower was ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ by Queen. Cool song, check it out.
You guys know that how in some sports they give a two minute warning? Yeah, well, I’m sort of like that, only instead of minutes, I go with chapters. I only have two more planned chapters for Mating Season, and then it will be complete. Just thought I should let you players know, so when the last one rolls around, you won’t all be like, ‘what the hell, where did that come from?’. The next chapter will be on Sakura, and the final chapter will be.....well.....you’ll just have to see, I guess. Well, thanks for reading.....-----
“Man, this has got to be one of the worst missions we’ve ever gotten.”
“It’s not that bad, and it serves a purpose.”
The purpose of the said mission was to gather information concerning the development and strength of Konoha’s young ninjas, to help gauge the village’s future strength as an ally. The three on the mission were of an ally to Konoha, and they were openly let into the village to make their observations. They were supposed to be helping out in the academy’s classes, but they hadn’t gotten much done, honestly.
“Wet nursing doesn’t suit me, ok? And as far as purpose goes, I could be doing more meaningful things with my hand down my pants.”
A mighty swing of a closed fan found its way upside the gruff teen’s head, sending him to the ground face first. Several nearby children laughed and pointed at the spectacle.
Gaara of the desert, currently serving as a jungle-gym for fourteen small children, turned his eyes lazily to his sister and brother, Temari and Kankuro respectively. His brother was laying on the ground, eyes swirling around as Temari stood over him, pointing and telling him what a scumbag he was, and how he needed to grow up.
Gaara had come a long way since his lost battle against Naruto. The Shukaku was still in there, but it wasn’t a dominating presence any longer, as though the defeat had subdued it in a way he never would have been able to. He still didn’t talk much and he preferred not to express any emotions, when possible, but he enjoyed the company of his brother and sister, now. What was even more surprising was that they seemed to enjoy his company, as well. Incompatible and rough as they may be at times, they were a family, and they meant something to each other.
“Why can’t you be more like that Nara guy? He.....” Temari shut up, quickly realizing she may have said too much, just then.
Kankuro, ignoring the fountain of blood that was his head, popped up with a gigantic grin spread from ear to ear, “Is that why you were so insistent on us being the team sent for this crack mission? Because of that gu-”
This time, the edge of her fan wasn’t directed at his head, rather, it found its way up between his legs. The sheer force of the attack as it connected with her brother sent shockwaves throughout the school building, knocking several little children to their behinds.
Kankuro’s eyes practically popped out of his head as he was lifted into the air and slammed into the ceiling before flipping and coming down headfirst. Temari, with a grunt, hoisted the still folded fan over her shoulder, spinning to gain momentum to her swing, which slammed her puppet-master brother in the back of the head, sending him flying past Gaara and into a bookcase, which tumbled on top of the devastated teen.
“Of course that’s not why I wanted to be the team!” Temari fumed, pointing at the mess of books which concealed her no doubt unconscious sibling, “I just wanted to get out of the desert, for a change!”
Gaara was staring at her, eyes a little wide, though he said nothing. He wondered if he had used to be as scary as her.....There was no way in hell he was going to point out, just then, that her face was burning a lucid scarlet.
Iruka Umino crossed the room, laying a hand on the angry blonde’s shoulder, “Hey, you’re not setting a very good example for the kids, now.....” He motioned over to one of the little girl students, who promptly thrust her leg up between a boy’s legs, finding home in his most sensitive of areas. Before the boy even had time to yelp, the girl had swung a book into his head and sent him sprawling to the ground.
“I-I’m sure that kid was just a scumbag, trying to cop a feel!” Temari laughed nervously.
Iruka raised an eyebrow, looking over to the boy who was limping away and crying for his mom.
The sand ninja hung her head low, “Sorry about that,” She muttered.
“Just try and be a little less impulsive, alright? I’m sure Shikamaru will be happy to see you, too.”
“I’m not here for him!” Temari shouting, mere seconds before Iruka was sent barreling through the wall and out into the playground.
-
Shikamaru sneezed, startling Ino, who was currently hanging on his arm as the two made their way down the street. The chuunin didn’t particularly want the blonde ninja groping all over him, but he found that when she wasn’t there grasping his arm he.....missed.....the weight. Yeah, that was it. Anything else would simply be far too troublesome.
“Did you hear about what happened with Tenten and Lee?” Ino asked with a snicker, bumping Shikamaru with her shoulder.
“No, I don’t really keep up with gossip,” The Nara admitted, more than just a tinge of boredom in his voice.
“Well, you’re going to, now!”
“Why would I start? It’s not like anything’s changed, or anything like that. Right?”
Ino didn’t reply right away. His bored attitude paired with his less-than-choice words hurt a little bit. Well, she knew it wasn’t going to be easy from the get-go, but she was going to break the lazy genius from his almost anti-social ways, even if it killed her, “Yeah, things have changed! Now that Sasuke-kun is out of the picture, I’ve got to mold you into a better man, so I at least have some alternative!”
Shikamaru raised a finger as he spoke, “Several things about what you just said. 1. Sasuke didn’t like gossip, either. 2. I AM a better man that Sasuke was. 3. I’m nobody’s consolation prize. 4. We’re not a couple. 5. What about MY choice? 6. I-”
Ino swung around in front of him, planting a kiss on his lips. After a few seconds, she stepped back to look into his surprised eyes, “You’re cutest when you’re not talking.”
“Sasuke did a lot of not talking, too.”
“That’s why it’s cute,” Ino grinned a little as she admitted that. Before she could take her place at Shikamaru’s side, a blast of wind collided with her, sending her spiraling into the air and down the street.
Shikamaru called out after her, lunging after the blonde with all of his strength and speed. He dove, arms outstretched as he managed to get beneath the girl in time. He caught her just before she hit the ground. The chuunin got a mouthful of dirt as he slid face first along the ground. It was weird.....he was expecting to be a little sore from the landing, but he felt perfectly fine. Also, the dirt in his mouth felt a little grittier than it should have.
“Are you ok?” He asked weakly, spitting some of the ground out to the side.
“Y-Yeah. What happened?” Ino asked loudly, looking around as she sat in her friend’s arms, “Ack! We’re floating!”
“Huh?” The chuunin looked up, and sure enough, they were a few inches above the ground, hovering on a blanket of sand. That’s what was in his mouth, and why he wasn’t winded from the landing. He glanced over his shoulder, not surprised to find Gaara, and his massive gourd of sand.
The sand was sucked back into the gourd, letting the two drop the few inches back to the ground with a soft thud. The two friends watched as Temari hurried over to them, Gaara and Kankuro following slowly after her.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you guys there!” The blonde sand ninja exclaimed, fastening her fan onto her back as she knelt down beside the two. She cast a glance at the weak girl that had just kissed HER man. ‘Hussy,’ She thought bitterly. HER man, being the man she definitely was NOT here to see.
Shikamaru hopped up, helping Ino back to her feet at the same time, “You should be more careful. That was reckless to use that jutsu in the village, like that.....But, still, it’s good to see you again.”
Kankuro, who was now beside his sister, snickered to himself as he caught the little flash of red cross Temari’s cheeks. Gaara was on her other side, doing quite well in remaining emotionless, though he had a request to make.
“Y-You too.....” And that was it. Words had effectively flown from her mind, and all she could do was stare at him while her face steadily grew redder.
Kankuro had his hands on his knees and was hunched over a little, doing his best to keep from laughing right then and there in front of them. His eyes were watering up, though, and his chest was convulsing a little from holding it in. He loved Temari, but seeing her so vexed was like an orgasm for his hilarity radar.
As though he could feel the tension, though he made no sign of it, Gaara broke through the silence, opening his mouth to speak. A rare feat, but it happened occasionally, “Where is Uzumaki?”
Shikamaru seemed a little taken aback at the question, or maybe at the fact that he had just been addressed by the intimidating redhead, “I-I haven’t seen him lately. I guess he’s at his house.”
“Take me there. I want to see him.”
Shikamaru failed to notice the vein throbbing in Temari’s forehead as Ino wrapped her arm around his own before he replied, “It’s troublesome.....but I guess we could pay the guy a visit. I haven’t seen him in awhile, like I said, so sure.”
Temari latched her arm around Shikamaru’s free arm, and flashed him a smile, “You’re so nice to help us out. Thanks.....”
Shikamaru returned the smile, though a little awkwardly, and began to take the group of sand ninjas to Naruto’s place. He turned his eyes up to the clouds, completely oblivious to the nasty looks the girls on either side of him were exchanging.
‘Today’s gonna be a good day,’ Kankuro thought, wiping a tear away.
-
“.....And with this, I banish thee to the darkest depths of hell!” Naruto shouted, throwing the C-BOY with all of his might into the darkest darkness that he had seen in quite awhile. Believe me you, folks, Naruto had seen dark.
Lee watched as his friend tossed the C-BOY into a trunk at the foot of his bed, locking it in with several other things that Naruto had no desire to have. The blonde teen brought his hand before him in prayer, closing his eyes, “And may you never darken my loins again, foul demon.”
“Don’t you think you’re taking it a little too far?” Lee asked, raising an eyebrow at the blonde before leaving to do two thousand pushups while watching television.
“I think I took it too far with Anko, even with that God-forsaken bear trap on! Ugh, never again! I feel dirty just thinking about it.....”
“It’s good to be dirty, Naruto! Working up a sweat and getting down in the mud is a true sign of youthfulness!” Lee stated, starting his pushups.
“Oh, there was sweat. I wouldn’t be surprised if we did something in mud, too, and then took a bath, or something......it must have been.....”
“26.....Horrible? 27, 28, 29.....”
“Yeah.....Horrible. So, what happened between you and Tenten, exactly?” Naruto started to rub his arms, as though there was this kind of invisible film of filth coating him. He was feeling like he needed to bathe. Again. For the sixth time since coming home, the day before. Lee had only been back in the apartment for the last hour or so, though he acted as though he had no injuries at all. The bandages the majority of his body was sporting said otherwise, though.
“47.....Naruto.....52.....in my moment of weakness, I tried to succumb to the fruits of the flesh!” Lee shouted, tears pouring from his eyes.
“Fruits? Like.....”
“Like she was a cherry! Like she was a perfect, ripe little cherry to be plucked right then and there! 142, 143, 144.....” the youthful teen was doing his pushups at a dangerous speed, now.
“I’m not sure if cherry was the best choice for this particular subject.....” Naruto admitted somewhat uneasily.
“Why? 188, 189, 190.....”
“I hate to burst your cherry there, captain, but strawberries are a lot more sensual. You should have gone with that,” The blonde laughed, and Lee joined in.
“You’re right, Naruto! Strawberries ARE more sensual! What was I thinking, cherries? 231, 232, 233.....”
For some reason unknown to either one, they both felt real dirty now. Lee still had to do his pushups before anything else, though. Naruto, meanwhile, was free to do whatever. “I think I’m gonna take another shower, Lee.....” He mumbled, wondering what on earth he had said that made him feel so nasty.
-
“See? Here we are,” Shikamaru spoke blandly, tilting his head towards the apartments as the drew ever closer. Only about fifty yards to go, conveniently enough.....
The chuunin in-between the two girls had to stop walking altogether when both girls tensed up simultaneously, nearly jerking his arms out of their sockets. Kankuro noticed this, and saw that even Gaara lost his footing, and nearly fell. He tensed up as well, wondering if there was some sort of presence they were feeling that he hadn’t picked up on.
In fact, that was very true. Temari, ino, and Gaara were all picking up on a presence. Or maybe it was the presence that was picking up on them.....either way, all three were shuddering under the heat that was splashing around in them.
Shikamaru broke free from the trembling girl’s grasps, looking them each in the face, “What’s wrong? Are you two alright?” He looked around for a second, wondering if maybe they were being targeted by an enemy. It didn’t seem that either one of the girls had been struck with anything, however. Gaara was acting a little shaky, as well. He turned his wandering gaze back to the girls, frowning as he saw they were breathing hard. Temari’s eyes rolled up a little as a soft moan escaped her lips.
“That didn’t sound good!” Kankuro muttered, backing away from his sister.
“Actually, it did,” Shikamaru replied honestly, backing up beside the puppet master.
The two males still under control of themselves watched as Gaara hunched over, continuing the march to Naruto’s apartment. Temari and Ino, apparently out of their momentary stupor, followed after him as though nothing had happened.
“Uh.....g-guys?” The somber genius called after them, taking a ginger step forward.
“Hey.....why’s Gaara walking like that?” Kankuro asked quietly, pointing to his brother.
Shikamaru shrugged, following after the three. It appeared that everything was ok, now, so maybe they had just imagined it. Or, far more likely, they were just over exaggerating it. But that noise Temari had made had seemed awfully.....erotic sounded about right, but that would be troublesome for him to dwell on, so he just let it go.
The group, rather quickly, made their way up the staircase to the second floor’s worth of apartments. Shikamaru pointed out Naruto’s door with a rather shaky hand. The look on Gaara’s face was terrifying. It was terrifying because it was a look he had never seen before on his face. It was a look of.....happiness and excitement! It took him almost ten entire seconds to get Kankuro to take another step, so shocked was the brother.
Gaara, still hunched over for ‘mysterious’ reasons, banged on Naruto’s door.
-
“1,744, 1,755, 1,756, 1,757.....”A rather urgent sounding pounding at the door interrupted Lee’s vigil. Not willing to get up and fail his quest to hit two thousand pushups, the youthful youth pushed himself into a handstand, and walked across the room on his hands. He used his feet to twist the knob, opening the door to find a big shock, indeed.
“You!” Lee shouted, losing his balance and falling on his face.
“How youthful,” Shikamaru piped up from behind Gaara, who was waiting to be invited in. His hungry eyes were scanning the room. At least they were, up until the point where Lee jumped to his feet and placed his face about an inch away from Gaara’s.
“Are you here for our rematch? You helped me out when I fought Kimimaro, but I knew this day would come!” Lee jumped back into the center of the room, getting into his fighting stance, “I’m ready!”
“Where’s Naruto-kun?” The devil of the desert asked plainly, assuming it would be alright for him to enter, which he did.
“Naruto.....kun?” Lee echoed, easing out of his stance and scratching the back of his neck, “He’s taking a shower, right now.....” He would have sworn he saw Gaara twitch when he received the information.
Shikamaru was practically thrown over the railing and to the ground below as Temari and Ino pushed their way into the apartment, each one flushed a pretty red. They were looking all over the place, “Where’s the shower?” Ino practically yelled at Lee, whose eyes were huge as he measured the odds of his survival, Shikamaru’s survival, Naruto’s virginity’s survival.....he didn’t count the Anko debacle. The C-BOY hadn’t been removed, after all.
Kankuro entered the room, now, looking around not for Naruto, but for a hint of sanity, or an explanation.
Lee lunged into the hallway, placing himself just before Temari, whose eyes blazed with the passion of not youth, but lust. Maybe it was youthful lust, he didn’t get much time to look.
With a smirk, the blonde teen stepped aside to allow a wave of sand to smash into Lee, crashing him through a wall and into Naruto’s room. The sand hardened around him, locking him down to the floor. Before he could shout for help, a lens of sand covered his mouth, keeping him silent.
The sex hungry group of three turned to the sound of running water, each ready to make Naruto their own.....
-
Naruto was humming away happily, rubbing shampoo in his hair. It was his favorite shampoo. No, silly, not ramen scented. He had tried that out, but it made him hungry, so he couldn’t enjoy the shower. His favorite shampoo, that didn’t make him hungry, was none other than Johnson & Johnson baby’s shampoo, 2 in 1 detangler. He stopped humming, breaking out into the lyrics.
“Tonight.....I’m gonna have myself.....a real good time.....I feel alive.....and the world, turning inside out, yeah. I’m floating around, in ecstasy, so.....” He got his voice real high pitched, “Don’t.....stop me now.....don’t stop me, ‘cause I’m having a good time, having a good time!”
He didn’t even hear the doorknob fall from its place, and clatter noisily to the ground. It slowly crept open.....
“I’m a shooting star leaving through the sky, like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity.....” He started to hum through the words he didn’t know, but he made sure to keep the right rhythm and watch his place. He didn’t notice the shadow approaching him, obscuring the light through the glass stall.
“I want to make a supersonic woman of you!” He exclaimed, pointing to the bottle of Johnson’s baby shampoo, throwing it a happy smile. Man, things were going his way. He loved the shower.
“I love Johnson & Johnson shampoo, too,” He admitted, grabbing the bottle and lobbing it up and down.
“How about you send that Johnson my way, sailor?” A voice came from beside him.
Not really thinking about it, Naruto lobbed the bottle to the side to the as yet unidentified voice, “There ya go.”
“That’s not what I meant, big boy.....”
Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but froze up before he could get the words out. Without moving, he turned his gaze to the corner of his eyes, and was stunned to find Temari standing just outside the shower, wearing nothing save for a towel. And it wasn’t a big towel, either. Hand cloth was probably more accurate, since that’s what it was. She was holding it up to her chest, and it didn’t quite make it all the way down to her waist, so.....
She smirked mischievously as she saw his eyes wander a bit to the South, and stepped into the shower.
Naruto tore his eyes off of Temari’s gorgeous figure, looking frantically for a way out. Damn this tiny shower stall! Damn it to hell! There was nowhere for him to go!
“Nowhere to go but through me, sailor, which is the general idea.....Time to dock ship in Temari Harbor, lover!” She thrust herself up against Naruto, locking him into the hottest kiss of his young life. He could live to be a thousand years old, but nothing would top that moment, he wagered. A beautiful, shapely, completely willing girl had him pressed against his bathroom wall, in his shower. She wasn’t surprised at all when she felt him react in a rather.....male-like fashion.
“Wh-Wh-What a-a-are y-you doing h-here?” Naruto stammered, breaking free from the kiss. He was reaching for the faucets to turn the hot water cold, hopefully saving himself.
Temari saw his hand, and didn’t like where it was going. Namely, not to her. She grabbed his arm, and forcefully redirected his open hand to her chest, “Why am I here, Naruto-kun? Well.....I’m here to-”
-
Lee’s eyes shot in the direction of the bathroom as a long and loud scream echoed through the village. It was Naruto! No, his youth was being compromised! If only the green-clothed teen could get free, he could save his blonde friend from a fate worse than the death of his virginity! Which was, ironically enough, the death of his virginity.
Shikamaru and Kankuro both looked in the direction of the scream, as well. The chuunin was currently down on one knee, holding up Ino, who had used her Mind Body Transfer jutsu on Gaara in an attempt to stop him from getting to Naruto before she did. Kankuro had nothing stopping him, though, so he rushed for the bathroom.
‘Hey! He’s MY man, you creepy little bastard! He’s not interested in your unlikely yaoi pairing, that squealing girls around the world would kill to see! So back off, byatch!’ Mental Ino shouted at mental Gaara, who looked back at her like she was insane.
‘Please, just don’t let me do anything with that blonde idiot!’ Mental Gaara pleaded with mental Ino, dropping to his imaginary knees.
‘What?’
‘Seriously, I don’t want any part of that! ANY part of it, you hear me? I don’t know what it is, but a lot of people seem to want me to be gay, and I just don’t roll like that! They’re always bugging me about it, and I’m just like, ‘Look, there aren’t any girls I’m interested in right now, ok? Chill,’, and they’re all like, ‘Yeah, he’s a total queer.’. I am NOT a homosexual!’
Mental Ino was staring at the confessing mental Gaara as he looked up at her from his position on his knees. She had never heard him talk this much, before. Actually, had she ever heard him use a full sentence?
‘You know what’s the most freaking insane part of all? The people who don’t think I’m gay think I have a thing for the Hyuuga girl! What the hell? I’ve met her, like, once! She got her ass kicked, too! I saw her bleeding all over the place! Think that turns me on? Hell no, it doesn’t! I might have some issues, but Goddamn, what do people think about me, honestly? Stop fantasizing about me and her, or me and some guy!’
‘Are you ok?’
‘Yeah.....sorry. That’s been building up for awhile, now.....’
‘Alright.....so if you’re not gay, than what the hell’s your problem?’
‘It’s the Shukaku!’
‘The demon in you, right?’
Mental Gaara nodded, rising back to his feet, ‘It’s a she!’
‘Oh, shi-’
Ino shook violently in Shikamaru’s arms as though she had just been hit with a club, or something. She groaned a little, her eyes swirling around as she muttered something about gay sex.
“It’s always gotta be lesbian this or gay that with you, doesn’t it? Just like back at the restaurant.....” The chuunin mumbled, shaking his head. Gaara stood up, looking around for a few seconds before making his way to the bathroom.
-
Kankuro burst into the bathroom, his jaw hanging agape when he saw what he saw. What he saw was something he wished he had not seen, and by seeing it, he had seen something that would keep him from seeing his sister the same way he used to see her ever again. EVER again. He felt a vein explode in his head, and he passed out. Gaara had watched all of that unfold from behind his brother. He hoped he’d be alright, but there were more important things to do, first.
Sand erupted from the gourd, busting through the shower stall and the walls, carrying with it Naruto. The blonde ninja, still uncomfortably naked, was propelled up over the village by the sand, and thrown a pretty impressive distance to land in the nearby forests. As this was happening, however, Gaara was vanishing in wisps of sand to stay within close range of his target. Temari, Naruto now too far away for the aura to affect her, looked around, wondering where the hell she was.
The sky suddenly got dark, setting her on guard. She stood up, hopping up onto the edge of the ruined wall to look out in the direction of the expanding darkness. Red chakra was filling up the dark sky, roughly taking the shape of the nine-tailed fox. Just in front of it, an enormous amount of sand and chakra were forming the shape of the Shukaku, which turned itself around to allow the nine-tailed fox to.....well, there’s no polite way to say it.....suffice to say, never before was there doodle making on so grand a scale.
“Well THAT doesn’t look good,” Shikamaru mumbled, suddenly beside Temari.
“What in God’s name is going on?” Temari asked, sending a glance in Shikamaru’s direction.
“I have no idea, and I don’t think I want to know, honestly.....”
The goddess of the sand now realized she was naked, and punched the side of Shikamaru’s head, knocking him down into the bathroom, “Get me a towel, for God’s sake!”
Rubbing his now throbbing head, the chuunin looked for a towel to hand the girl. He let his hand pass over the actual towel, and instead tossed her the washcloth. Temari looked at it for a second as if the Nara fool was joking, then looked over at him. He had a sly grin on his face that suggested he really was just kidding. He was reaching for the real deal towel, now, but Temari saw some things through the destroyed walls that made her pause to think. Kankuro was currently unconscious on the ground before them, Lee was trapped beneath an unbreakable blanket of sand, and Ino was currently knocked out, too. They were completely alone.....
“Shikamaru.....I don’t think I’m going to be needing that towel, after all.....” She whispered, lobbing the washcloth back to him.
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Looked like things were going to get troublesome. REALLY troublesome.....
-
Kakashi, like every other person with sight in Konoha, turned his eyes up to the sight of two gigantic figures of chakra doing the nasty, “Well THAT doesn’t look good,” He muttered, looking for a moment at his video camera. Hm.....no, not this time, “I don’t think I need you for this one, my friend,” He pulled his forehead protector down over his good eye, so both were covered. He started the walk to where he believed the two to be, “Let’s see if I can fix this without seeing anything.....that would be nice.....”
-----Author’s other note: Alright, I only had three or four scenes in there that I left up to the imagination.....because that’s just how I roll, sorry folks.
The song Naruto was singing in the shower was ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ by Queen. Cool song, check it out.
You guys know that how in some sports they give a two minute warning? Yeah, well, I’m sort of like that, only instead of minutes, I go with chapters. I only have two more planned chapters for Mating Season, and then it will be complete. Just thought I should let you players know, so when the last one rolls around, you won’t all be like, ‘what the hell, where did that come from?’. The next chapter will be on Sakura, and the final chapter will be.....well.....you’ll just have to see, I guess. Well, thanks for reading.....-----