Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ mischief's cracktastic shorts ❯ Deep Thoughts... or something ( Chapter 12 )

A/N: Anyone who's played Naruto: Clash of Ninja 2 will understand what inspired this. XD

Pairings: none

Warnings: language and non-graphic sex thoughts

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or the game that broke a small piece of my brain yesterday.

 

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Naruto likes to spend his odd quiet moments (while he's waiting for Kakashi-sensei to show his sorry ass up, for example) contemplating the important things in life. Things like Ichiraku's recipe for pork ramen, how Tsunade-baachan can manage to keep her tits from falling out of her top while she's fighting, if Ino's carpet matches the drapes (he's around Sakura enough to know she doesn't lighten her hair,) and (because he leant a few things about human sexuality during his travels with Ero-sennin) what certain people would do in bed. Hey, he's sixteen; these are important things!

 

Some people are so uptight, he can almost never picture them having sex at all. Neji is one of those, despite the fact that if he'd just loosen up, he could probably nail any girl (or guy) in the village. Heh, his loss, he thinks.

 

Kiba's the exact opposite. Naruto's pretty sure he'd fuck anything with legs, and he makes a mental note to keep Sakura-chan away from him.

 

Hinata is so quiet and shy, it would have to be romantic - lots of kissing, lot of feather-light caresses. It would be with someone she loved unquestionably, most likely after she's married. He sincerely hopes she finds that person.

 

Kakashi-sensei... well, sometimes he thinks the only thing Kakashi could get it up for would be his stupid books (the guy has people fawning all over him everywhere they go and never seems to care,) and that's not really something he wants to think about. Naruto quickly shakes his head in a poor attempt to clear it.

 

Ino he's not too sure of. He's seen her be one hell of a control freak (it's easy to see who wear the pants in team 10, that's for sure) but then other times, she's so teasing and sarcastic, he's almost certain sex with her would include some serious mind games as well. She's probably kinky, and that thought puts a definite grin on his face.

 

Sakura-chan's a difficult one, he decides. He imagines her behavior would probably depend on who it was. With him, she'd probably be loud and bossy, telling him to speed up, slow down, shut the hell up. He's not entirely sure how he feels about that, but he does know he's more than willing to find out first hand. If she were with someone like Sasuke, though, (his face immediately darkens at the thought) she'd probably be all shy and submissive and embarassed by damn near everything. The lights would definitely be off, no question about it.

 

His thoughts involuntarily turn to Sasuke then. Bastard thinks he's so cool, Naruto inwardly gripes. He's so full of himself, he'd probably grab his cock and say something lame like, "Feel the power of Uchiha" or something. As that mental image then takes root, he suddenly can't breathe. His cheeks balloon out as his eyes squeeze shut until a second later, he's guffawing so hysterically that he's pretty sure he's crying. He doesn't care, though, because that is about the funniest damn thing he thinks he's ever heard even if it's just a product of his imagination.

 

He's slumped over, half-lying on the bridge when Sakura's curiosity finally gets the best of her and she demands, "What?"

 

He waves, not knowing what to say exactly, but it doesn't matter anyway since he can't talk. Hell, he can hardly breath! A little while later after lots of side clutching, Naruto somehow is able to get control of himself long enough to sit back up, but one glance at Sasuke's condescending expression sends him into hysterics all over again.

 

He hears Sasuke snort and mumble that "Dead Last has finally lost it," but it doesn't phase Naruto at all. Criticism doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot coming from him right now.

 

It isn't until almost a minute later when Naruto's cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much, that he's able to finally stop laughing. He wipes his eyes on his jacket sleeve and takes several deep breaths before saying, "For your sake, bastard, I hope you never get laid."