Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Mission Reports ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter Three

 

A/N: The story is now complete. Thank you for all your comments; they're greatly appreciated.

 

Warnings: Hard yaoi/slash.

 

* * *

 

How - how could Iruka do this to him?

 

It just didn't make sense! At the very least he thought the other man was his friend, he thought he'd promised never to leave him and to always be there. In fact it was Iruka who'd saved him from suicide and been there everyday for him since to make sure of his safety, it was Iruka who'd pulled him back out of his depression and gave him hope of a decent future. So why - why after they'd been through so much - had he suddenly just turned his back on him? Why had he walked away, why had he left him as if they'd shared nothing, as if they weren't friends, colleagues or comrades? He'd been away on mission for two weeks, away risking his life for his village, and Iruka -. Iruka couldn't even be bothered to check on him, ask him how the mission went, see how he was. Iruka couldn't even be bothered to explain just what the hell had happened before he'd left, he couldn't even give Kakashi a chance to explain himself back . . .

 

What was he supposed to feel? It'd been so long since he'd grown close to anyone, so long since he'd opened his heart and bared his soul that this felt unreal, like watching it happen to somebody else. He wasn't sure whether to be angry or devastated, hurt or annoyed. It didn't help that he felt so confused; his mind was all over the place in a way it'd never been before. Iruka had kissed him, not the other way around, so that had to mean the Chunin liked him, after all what else could it mean? If that was the case then why had he acted so strange so after, why had he fled and not even wished Kakashi well on his mission, why hadn't he spoken to Kakashi since he came back this morning? The kiss couldn't have meant nothing, it was just so special and warm, the look on Iruka's face as it happened and the way he moved against Kakashi, it wasn't an act, it was real. He meant what he did. So he had to like the Jounin, maybe even love him, but if that was the case then why - why was he acting so distant? Why did it leave Kakashi heartbroken?

 

He should have expected this; he should have seen it coming. Everyone left him in the end, it was just the way it was, even the people who were supposed to love him the most ended up leaving, why would Iruka be any different?

 

Behind his mask he gave a sad smile. Why would Iruka be any different? Kakashi wasn't exactly easy to love and his own father couldn't stand to be with him, he'd rather choose death than be with his own son, rather slice open his own stomach than live with his own flesh and blood, that was how awful Kakashi was, wasn't it? He knew more than anyone what it was like to feel such a deep depression and yet he still - no matter how much he tried - never come close to understanding why Sakumo did what he did. The blood on the floor just as much now as there was then, the blood that seemed to pour forever, and Kakashi couldn't stop it, he couldn't stop him from leaving, just as he couldn't stop Obito from leaving or Iruka now . . .

 

He didn't deserve this, did he? All he'd ever done was try to be the best person he could. After Sakumo left he tried so hard to be the greatest Shinobi that lived and for a while thought he'd succeeded, but then - then he'd made the worst choice in his life and he'd paid for that mistake with his friend's blood. Obito had died because of him and in a way too painful for Kakashi to even comprehend. It was true everyone left him, he should have seen this coming, but for some reason he didn't. It never occurred to him that Iruka could just turn his back on him! It was strange, all those people in the past he knew why they left - or he thought so - he could say how he'd pushed them away or perhaps why they hated him, but what had he done to Iruka? He'd always shown the Chunin nothing but affection and playful teasing, he'd grown to love him so much too, he'd sworn to never let anyone or anything hurt Iruka and yet the younger man had still left him, still gone! Why? What had Kakashi done that was so horrible, so bad that it could drive Iruka away?

 

Shaking his head Kakashi paused for a moment. Was he still pacing? It felt like he'd been pacing these corridors for hours, it was true he feet were already feeling sore from constant movement, but from the corner of his eye he could see the green vest of his team-mate, and if Gai was still here then he couldn't have been pacing for that long. So why did it feel like an eternity? Why did each movement seem to drag on forever and a day?

 

He didn't deserve this. He didn't!

 

That kiss was special to him. Iruka had kissed him for a reason after all and it couldn't have been anything but sincere; the way his cheeks blushed pink with uncertainty and embarrassment, the way his hands had gripped so tightly against Kakashi's body as if scared to let go, the way his lips were so hesitant and yet certain . . . True he'd only ever read about such kisses but he knew that wasn't the kiss of a man that didn't feel anything, it was the sort of kiss that meant something. So why had Iruka just walked away? Why hadn't he come back? Why was he ignoring Kakashi as if the kiss had never happened? True he'd pushed Iruka away but that wasn't because he hadn't liked it! He was just shocked, confused, and he hadn't expected Iruka to use - to put his -.

 

He sighed. He'd always found talking about such things aloud embarrassing but it was strange to find himself going red in the cheeks because he was thinking about them, but he liked Iruka a lot so perhaps it was natural to have such a reaction. Then again they were supposed to be close, supposed to be friends and colleagues, surely the Chunin would have known that Kakashi was rather shy concerning certain topics? Besides, wouldn't any Shinobi of the Leaf Village have acted the same in his position? Perhaps that was why Iruka had been so upset; perhaps he'd believed that if someone could read such books religiously and watch such films so often then they'd be okay with just a kiss. He doubted very much the Chunin would believe how much Kakashi could blush just reading said books aloud, yet alone acting them out, yet if Iruka didn't know then he certainly wasn't going to tell him. No, it'd perhaps be best to leave the Chunin in the dark on that one.

 

This was ridiculous! He was a Jounin, an elite Shinobi of the Leaf Village, he was no longer feeling as bad as he was those few weeks ago and he'd just succeeded a very dangerous mission, he could easily go into that mission room and demand an apology or at the very least an explanation! In fact compared to some of the more dangerous missions he had such a task should be a piece of cake! Yet, this was Iruka and the schoolteacher could be rather scary when he wanted to be . . .

 

“So what do you say Kakashi-san?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

He stopped pacing to turn his head to his side, Gai it seemed had been standing there patiently for some time now in his trademark pose with his thumbs-up, the grin he sported clearly shown he'd said something important but whatever it was . . . He felt rather guilty really, it was true his mental state was all over the place right now but Gai was his equal and his friend, he had no right to switch off and ignore what was being said like that.

 

Looking to his other side he could see straight into the mission room, where Anko seemed to be holding a meeting between Ibiki and some Anbu - much to everyone else's chagrin - and a few younger Shinobi were waiting to be given some new missions. The room seemed exceptionally bright today, the sun was beaming through the windowpanes and casting white spots across the floor and seating, on the mission desk itself was an array of rainbows where the sun broke through glasses and vases. Everyone in the room seemed to glow with a soft tan, the floorboards squeaking occasionally with the heat and pressure upon them, and generally the room seemed filled with a life that was lacking when he was last here. The air was thick and there seemed to be a faint smell of sweat that generally gathered when large groups of people collected in a small area, and of course sitting with a large smile at the end of the desk - ignoring all the bad for the good - was Iruka-sensei.

 

His eyes were closed as he laughed awkwardly at a joke told by one of the Jounin, scratching at his nose as he seemed to do when nervous, and at one point Kakashi was certain he heard his name mentioned when Iruka turned his head to the side and blushed, shuffling papers as if they were the most important thing in the world. He smiled at the sight, he remembered Iruka giving him that look sometime around the Chunin Exams and he had to wonder if perhaps Iruka had liked him then like he did now. That was - of course - if he actually did like Kakashi the way Kakashi liked him, after all if he couldn't even bear to speak to him since the whole kiss incident then . . .

 

“I'm sorry, Gai,” He replied innocently, tilting his head to the side and giving him an awkward glance, “Did you say something?”

 

“Damn it! Playing it cool again, huh Kakashi? Well you may have won this time but don't think I'm beat yet, I'll strike when you least expect it and my awesome charm will -!”

 

“Gai?”

 

Closing his eyes in exasperation he raised his hands in defeat, he knew well that if he didn't stop his friend now they'd either be a rather long, nonsensical tirade or a very long sulk and either way he was too tired and frustrated to deal with it. Gai was the best friend anyone could ask for; kind, loyal, cheerful and intelligent he had all the qualities of a good man and excellent ninja, however there were times when his rather excitable personality could grate on the most patient of people, this was one of those times.

 

He didn't mind so much that his friend was so happy today, in fact it was nice as always to see him in such a good state of mind, like many of their colleagues Gai deserved happiness and if he could find it in the simplest of things then Kakashi wasn't going to deprive him of that, but when he felt so conflicted and angry inside, hurt and abandoned it hurt more to be surrounded with such joy. It was like - it was like he was missing out on something, like he was as abnormal as he felt for not being able to feel what his friend clearly felt, and it made him long for that feeling of contentment that was so hard for him to find . . . It wasn't Gai's fault of course that he brought out that sense of longing in him, that sense of emptiness and loneliness, but regardless it was there and it wasn't helped by such loud exclamations of determination and excitement.

 

“Sorry Kakashi,” Gai said it with such a toothy grin that Kakashi was forced to wince and hang his head in somewhat disbelief and exhaustion, how Gai could be so perky after a two-week, S-ranked mission was somewhat a mystery. “But you're just pacing back and forth all scary like, half the mission room is just waiting - waiting for you to explode! If you like I could hand the report in instead?”

 

Pausing for a moment Kakashi glanced down at his hand that was clutching the mission report so tightly. He couldn't see his knuckles through the gloves but he knew they were white from how tightly he held onto the paper. He'd waited all morning for Iruka to come visit him and when no one came he felt nothing but despair, he'd been left again and that hole inside of him was larger now than ever, mourning the loss of someone he should have known he never truly had. He wasn't sure what compelled him to suddenly write a mission report or volunteer to hand it in, part of him felt it was just an excuse to see Iruka and get that final confirmation that he wasn't wanted, but the other half - the strong half - felt like if he just saw Iruka, just spoke to him, then maybe he'd find himself mistaken. Maybe he was still wanted. Whatever the case he had to see the Chunin, he had to find out just what had happened between them, he had to know . . .

 

“No, I can do it, Gai.”

 

“Well if you say so, Kakashi.”

 

With a final gaze at the mission report he turned fast and made his way quickly into the mission room, at once he felt what seemed like twelve pairs of eyes on him. As a trained Shinobi he knew it was an over-exaggeration and that most of those who looked went back to what they were doing soon after, but Iruka's eyes wouldn't leave him and that alone made him feel as if the whole world was staring. He could see those brown eyes looking at him with a mixture of shock and horror, there was a dash of fear and the way his face blushed and his mouth parted with a tremble told all about what he felt. He couldn't be sure what was going on in Iruka's mind but he knew that he felt awkward, that Kakashi was the last person he wanted to see, that this was the last thing he wanted or expected to happen. He should have been devastated, should have been upset, but instead all he felt was angry, furious, cheated. Why couldn't Iruka meet his gaze directly? What had he done?

 

Stopping inches before the desk he threw the mission report hard on the wooden surface, it landed so harshly that the sound of solid paper upon wood scattered throughout the room and shocked the occupants into silence. Iruka himself had to jump at the force. He was half-hurt that he'd scared Iruka with the movement but the other part half of him was pleased to finally garner the man's attention, he deserved to hear the truth whether it was good or bad, he deserved to know just what he'd done wrong to push Iruka away and if that meant Iruka was gone for good . . . Sure it'd hurt, sure he couldn't even imagine how he'd cope with that knowledge, but he deserved to know, he had every right in the world to know the truth and Iruka had no right to keep that from him.

 

It seemed though that Iruka - despite being face to face with the man he'd kissed - didn't want to deal with him right now. He kept his eyes focused down upon those damn mission papers and scooped them up into his hands to read them, his brown eyes looking at the pages but not taking in the words, his pupils every now and again darting up nervously to glance Kakashi in the face. Why didn't he say anything? Why couldn't he ignore the report and just talk to Kakashi? Weren't they friends anymore, didn't that past month mean anything, wasn't he worried about the past couple of weeks he was away on mission? He just wanted him to say something, anything! Here he was standing right before him, inches in front of him, and after sharing a kiss so sincere, loving, passionate and Iruka couldn't say anything? It wasn't fair. He didn't deserve to be ignored like this, in this way!

 

“Your - your report's early, Kakashi. It's not like you . . .”

 

That - that was all he had to say? Didn't he care at all? When he'd left he'd seemed so heartbroken, as if he truly misunderstood Kakashi's reasons for pushing him away, as if he really cared, and yet the first thing he could do after seeing him for so long was comment on the mission report. It felt worse than any rejection he could handle. It was as if those past events were being completely ignored, as if they never occurred, as if the very act of being with Kakashi was forgettable in itself. It was painful to be spoken to like that, as if he was just any other Shinobi because - because Iruka had made him feel that he wasn't just any other Shinobi, he'd made him feel that he was special . . . and he'd been a fool to believe it.

 

“You're so well known for being late that no one will believe this,” Iruka gave a soft laugh as his eyes seemed to tear, he scratched his nose nervously before collecting the papers to his chest and turning to face away, “Well, thank you, I'll be sure to file them right now.”

 

He made to move quickly away but the second he took his first step Kakashi shot his hand out and grabbed hold fast to Iruka's wrist. The very movement had the schoolteacher stumbling backwards with his arm wrenched away from his chest, the gesture itself wasn't hard or painful, in fact it was such a soft touch it was shocking more than frightening, as if Kakashi was merely seeking to ground himself and make sure Iruka was real and not the dream he appeared to be. The act though had him spilling his pile of papers onto the floor and the desk of the Chunin next to him, the place seemed a sea of reports and the white seemed almost painful to look at as the sun struck, the noise and rustling drew the attention of everyone in the room and of Gai by the door. All Iruka could do was look with watering eyes at Kakashi in shock and uncertainty, the confusion on his face painfully clear even to the Jounin . . .

 

“Is that it, Iruka? Is that all your going to say?”

He watched as Iruka pulled back his wrist and sigh, this time he looked Kakashi dead in the eyes and frowned in that way that used to be cute but now - now just seemed so cold and pained. The expression hurt both of them; it hurt Kakashi to see the only person he cared about in pain, and it hurt Iruka for being the cause of that pain.

 

“What do you want me to say, Kakashi-san?”

 

“Anything!”

 

He was surprised how in control of his anger he was, he could feel his face redden and his eyes narrowing into a glare, it was all he could do not to lash out and strike out. The only thing that stopped him was that this was Iruka, his Iruka, and no matter how angry he was he never - never - wanted to hurt the only person who had showed him such warmth.

 

Iruka had made him feel human, normal, special, he'd made him feel a lot of things, but what mattered most wasn't what he felt but the fact he could feel again. Even this anger, this pain at being mistreated, was a welcome relief from that overwhelming agony from before, but the realisation that just one word from the Chunin could send him back to that very place terrified him. He never wanted to feel that way again and to think that his happiness and sanity depended upon Iruka was a frightening thought. Iruka was all he had and he depended on him, he couldn't lose him, not when it was all starting to get better. Was - was this how the Chunin had felt when he'd tried to take his life, a sense that his own well-being depended on someone else's? The heartbreaking pain that it could all be over any moment? If it was then perhaps this was justice, retribution of sorts, for making such a precious man feel that way to begin with.

 

“Iruka-sensei,” He said in something of a whispered shout, “When I left for my mission I didn't expect to come back to this, I didn't expect for you to ignore me, even before all this started you never used to ignore me like this.”

 

“It's been a day, Kakashi! I don't think that's possibly enough time to `ignore' someone, do you?”

 

With a frown Iruka dropped to the floor and began snatching up at the reports, they seemed to be everywhere and whilst it was cute how he had to crawl under the table to collect them all it made it hard to talk to him. Kakashi could only stand there with arms folded and a scowl, waiting for when Iruka would reappear to speak to him. It was a while before he stood up again and when he did he appeared to do a double take on seeing the Jounin, when their eyes met his own watered and his cheeks reddened and those papers in his hand were slammed firmly upon the desk. He snapped his head away to the side before attempting to gather up the few reports that had fallen amongst his colleague's desk and work.

 

“Besides,” Iruka added with an almost broken voice, “You don't even want to see me anyway, so why should it matter to you? You Jounin are all the same! You think someone dares to ignore you and that hurts your over inflated ego, so you march down here to see just how they dare ignore the great Jounin of the Leaf Village. Well if you don't want to see me then why should I want to see you?”

 

“When did I say that I didn't want to see you?”

 

“When you pushed me away! You wouldn't have pushed me unless you were offended with what I did. The look on your face, Kakashi, it was one of pure shock! Admit it, you hated it and it's no wonder you shoved me away like you did!”

 

He hated to admit to any embarrassment but he could feel his own cheeks burning. The whole mission room was staring at them, trying to work out just what was going on and why this argument was taking place, to feel eyes boring into him like he was nothing more than a piece of entertainment like a film or book was uncomfortable. This was something private, personal, something between just him and Iruka, yet everyone in the nearby vicinity was observing it like a story unfolding, waiting for the next sentence to see just what would occur. He was a private person by nature, perhaps why he'd gained such a reputation as a mystery man and why hardly anyone knew of his past or history, and the fact that his whole life and emotional state was on view was humiliating to him. It was like he was exposed to everyone in the room and it was a horrible feeling, it was also one that wouldn't go away in the current situation, it was a conversation that he and Iruka had to have and if that meant feeling the gaze of so many people then it was a necessary cost.

 

“If I remember right, Iruka,” He said with such irritation that the other man actually flinched and looked to the side with an embarrassment of his own, “You were the one who kissed me, not the other way around. So perhaps you should stop shouting at me and let me explain myself.”

 

“What's there to explain?”

 

“Perhaps why I pushed you away?”

 

The room was in silence now. It was so quiet that the noise of the Genin outside sounded loud enough to be coming from within the room itself, the eagles circling nearby delivering messages echoed around them as they cawed, and the heavy breaths of both he and Iruka in their anger and passion seemed almost audible to all. There was no doubt now - if there was any before - that they were the centre of attention. After a few minutes there came whispers, Anko making a comment on popcorn and someone whom he swore was taking bets, the whole room seemed alive with gossip and suddenly he was aware that this was the least appropriate place for a conversation of this nature. Yet he wouldn't stop. He couldn't let Iruka have the wrong idea, he loved the Chunin and he'd enjoyed the kiss, for him to think anything different was heartbreaking and wrong. He didn't want Iruka to be in pain and he didn't want him to blame himself when this was nothing more than a misinterpretation, most of all he didn't want to lose Iruka . . . He couldn't lose another person, not again.

 

With a quick movement he grabbed a hold of Iruka's upper arms and pulled him forward across the table. The sudden action had him struggling for balance and forced him to take a hold of Kakashi's arms in return, trying desperately not to fall over as he found himself leaning drastically across his desk he had no choice but to look up, to look deep into that brown eye. It was strange to be so close; his face was inches from Kakashi's so that he felt the Jounin's breath through his mask, his face pale as always and his eye half-closed with determination and fury. Whatever it was he wanted to say it was clear he wanted to be listened to, and what right had Iruka to deny that? Something must have shown in his face because suddenly Kakashi let go of him and he fell forward onto his hands, finding balance he stood straight again and nodded at his companion in acknowledgement, allowing him to find the words and speak whatever it was he felt compelled to say.

 

“Iruka, listen to me, I didn't push you away when you deepened the kiss because I was disgusted -,” He saw the other open his mouth to speak and cut him off with a glare, “Listen to me! I pushed you away because I was shocked, nothing more! I've never been kissed like that before and I didn't expect you to do something like that, you've never seemed to show any interest in me except as Naruto's teacher and recently as a friend. I never expected you to do what you did!”

 

“What - what do you mean you've never been kissed like that before? And are you dense? I've been interested in you for ages! Surely you must have picked up some signals or signs!” It took him a while to digest what Iruka had said. He'd been interested in him for a while now? Perhaps it was good then that Iruka took some initiative else he would never have known or even dared to guess . . . “I can't believe you, Kakashi! You mean I've been spending the last fortnight worrying over nothing? I thought you were disgusted with me!”

 

“If you hadn't ran away perhaps you would have realised that I feel the same way about you too.” Rolling his eyes he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, “My, my, what kind of Chunin runs away like that anyway? It's no wonder Naruto struggles to keep up with Sasuke with that kind of role-model.”

 

“How dare you? I -!”

 

Smiling Kakashi watched as Iruka's furious face softened and turned into a rather angry smile of his own, his eyes closed and his eyebrow twitched sharply yet he still blushed that beautiful shade of red and folded his arms across his chest as if he were protecting himself, it was a perfect mixture of anger and happiness that reminded Kakashi of just why Iruka was so perfect. He doubted anyone else in the world could pull off such an expression. It was like a sudden pressure had been taken off them both and the relief was intense, it was like finally being able to breathe again after so long being suffocated. He could smile and after a long moment so could Iruka, and the sight was breath taking.

 

Sighing Iruka shook his head and turned to Kakashi with a bright smile and well-lit features; he looked so youthful, peaceful, beautiful that it was enough to capture the attention of everyone in the room and hold them in awe, or at least it seemed that way to Kakashi. Everything Iruka did seemed to exude effortless grace, always appearing so natural and easy-going, if he could see that expression more often then he'd indeed be a lucky man.

 

“Can we go speak somewhere more private?”

 

“Sure,” Kakashi replied with his own sweet smile.

 

* * *

 

Iruka gasped loudly.

 

He could barely make out the sound of the apartment door slamming shut as he was thrown up against it, since they'd reached the apartment building it seemed they'd hardly been able to kept their hands off one another, the long moment it took to enter the apartment felt like forever but to feel those hands back on his skin was almost perfect. When he suggested they go somewhere private he'd simply meant away from Shinobi eyes, he hadn't expected Kakashi to drag him to his apartment and begin with a barrage of kisses and touches, to have him blushing furiously and wondering just when they'd gone from talking to more than that. The whole process seemed to be moving so quickly - not that Iruka could complain - but it just seemed to be going so fast, perhaps too fast, and it left him light-headed and disorientated in pleasure.

 

At some point Kakashi had pulled down his mask and began marking his neck with kisses. All Iruka could do was groan loudly, his hands were pinned against the apartment door firmly above his head in one of Kakashi's powerful hands, his chest was pushed forward flush against the Jounin's and his head tilted instinctively to the side to give the other more access. He could feel his skin burning with need and desire as those soft lips pulled and teased at the smooth column of his neck, those sharp teeth biting and nibbling into his tanned flesh and that hot tongue easing the ache after that sent shivers of anticipation through his spine. They'd be a love-bite for sure right on that pressure point but he didn't care, Kakashi could mark him all he wanted as long as it felt like that as he did it, it was such an amazing sensation that his previous lovers had never been able to do to him. It was an exquisite blend of pain and pleasure and he felt closer to the other than he imagined, pinned beneath him with his skin being bruised in the most blissful of ways by that talented mouth. His eyes closed as he hissed in pleasure, his fingernails digging into his palms as he tried to keep control over what he felt.

 

When that warm mouth moved away from him so abruptly he found himself almost crying in loss, but as his half-lidded eyes fully opened to see the dark orbs of Kakashi staring back at him he smiled and blinked away unshed tears.

 

The Jounin was so close he could feel the man's breath on his lips, see the unbridled desire and lust that haunted those dark eyes that stood staring so intently only inches from his, he could see the faint flush to those cheeks and the hint of an almost nervousness. The beautiful red of the Sharingan seemed all the deeper with his passion and just as Iruka was growing lost in it the hand holding his slid down, it managed to snake its way over every muscle and stroke every inch of flesh through his uniform as he did so, with his other hand he ripped off his hitai-ite completely before using both to work quickly at Iruka's own headband and vest. It seemed to take forever to remove them but as soon as Iruka felt the vest sliding from his shoulders and down his arms he smiled, and then thrust himself against his companion as the item of clothing dropped to the floor with a sharp thud.

 

He wrapped his arms completely around Kakashi's neck before entwining his left hand in the Jounin's silver locks and attacking his mouth with his own. There was no hesitation this time, only a desperate need and desire, he could taste something sweet on the other's lips and feel the soft, warmth of them as they eagerly sought his own with clumsy yet gentle touches, and as Kakashi's hands came around him to pull him into a hungry embrace Iruka lost all sense of self-control. He didn't even feel it as his hair-tie was pulled from him, leaving his brown locks to flow freely around his face, instead all his felt was his body pushing against Kakashi's and forcing them both to fall flat against the bed behind them. The sense of shock in the Jounin was obvious and caused Iruka to smile, he could feel the body beneath him tense wildly in shock before succumbing to the comfort of the soft sheets and warm body above him, and then slowly he opened his mouth to allow the kiss to deepen.

 

The kiss was all consuming and truly mind-blowing. He could feel Kakashi's wary tongue probing his mouth as he coaxed it alive, feeling the rough surface playing against his own, the heat was so arousing and the uncertainty of the Jounin as he explored as if for the first time was completely endearing. There was the occasional clash of teeth and the smallest trail of saliva down the other's face, but somehow it all made the moment more special and amazing, it wasn't a perfect kiss but in a way that's what made it so spectacular. It was real, it was passionate, it was an expression of the love they felt for one another, and Iruka couldn't remember when he'd felt his hot and needy and desperate for more.

 

It was clear Kakashi was lost in the kiss as well. His hands were working their way up inside Iruka's sweatshirt, feeling the cool muscles of his back and exploring with such intensity that it sent shivers down his body. He could feel those calloused fingers deeply working into his muscles, massaging him in a way and stroking him into arousal in another, the touches were more confident than the kiss but the more he mapped out Iruka's body the deeper the kiss became, the more feeling as given and the more Iruka was moaning in a way that was totally unrestrained. He could feel beneath him the hard erection of Kakashi pushing its way into his thigh, and in return his own was growing so hard he could feel nothing but need laced with pain of desperation. He was panting in between kisses and unable to stand the overwhelming heat any longer he pulled off his sweater completely, leaving his chest completely naked to Kakashi's eager eyes, before diving back down to consume that mouth once more. His hands came to undo the Jounin's vest before pulling him up into a sitting position; the vest, sweater and masked undershirt all came off easily but each time he had to break his kiss he'd find himself groaning in frustration. Pushing Kakashi back down his returned to the passion from before, this time feeling the naked flesh against his.

 

He drew in a sharp intake of breath as the Jounin's hands slowly and carefully lowered themselves down his back, they paused just at the waistband of his trousers as if waiting for permission, in response he lowered himself to lick at a hardening nipple and then in sudden shock Kakashi lowered his hands fully to grip at Iruka's buttocks. He moaned in need as his felt his rear massaged, touched, groped and the pain at his crotch seemed to grow at the touch, he was so aroused it hurt, he could feel the throbbing in his member and the leaking head pushing hard against his clothing, he needed more, he needed Kakashi.

 

Smiling he realised just how much he loved the other. He'd desired him for so long, had such a crush on him, and he'd never once thought that the Jounin would see him this way or want him in return, to just be here in this moment was overwhelming, his heart felt full to bursting and all throughout him was this warmth and relaxing spread of contentment. He'd never felt this way before. This feeling of completion, that just being close to the other made him feel like he had worth, like he was special. He felt as if he could spend the whole night just cuddling by Kakashi's side and still feel nothing but absolute happiness, he wanted to share the feeling and make the Jounin feel as loved and cared for as he did. No one had ever made him feel like this, not even Mizuki, and he loved Kakashi even more for giving this to him.

 

With a gentle kiss he rolled his tongue over the hardening nipple below him, the older man arched his back at the sensation and hissed, grabbing tighter onto Iruka's behind and locking his eyes closed. With a sensual smirk he made sure to keep eye contact with Kakashi at all times, so that each time the Jounin opened his eyes he'd be sure to see those brown, lust-filled orbs staring back at him, then with a gentle bite he used his teeth to pull that dusty pink nipple into full hardness, relishing the throaty noises Kakashi grunted out as he did so. Pulling away he moved up to kiss his soon-to-be lover chastely on the lips and nuzzled affectionately against his neck.

 

“Do you think we're moving too fast?”

 

Giving a loving smile he knew Iruka couldn't see he kissed the top of the brown locks and nuzzled back, his hands trailing soft patterns up and down the length of his back, they stopped at his leg to pull it up to a position where he was able to work at the kunai holder, removing it efficiently as he managed to kick off his own boots in the process and - with a lot of skill - Iruka's too. When the kunai holder was finally gone and both were left bare-feet he began to remove his own and returned to kissing that chocolate coloured hair.

 

“I think this is where in `Icha Icha Paradise' they say `not fast enough',” He whispered sensually, his hands returning to touch that smooth and perfectly toned skin that belonged to his lover. “Isn't that right, Iruka?”

 

Stroking a long yet firm path along Iruka's bare arm all the way to his palm, gently taking that hand in his he brought it to his mouth and - without taking his eyes away from Iruka's - carefully brought those long digits to his lips before taking them inside him whole. It was just the first two fingers but the message was clear. His mouth felt so hot around them, swallowing them to the very knuckle so Iruka could feel a tightening at the tips each time his companion swallowed, that rough tongue sweeping along the fingers and in between them with a swirl and flare, before the cheeks hollowed and Kakashi moaned. It was all so hot and arousing that when the fingers were removed Iruka felt at a loss for words, unsure of what to do or say next.

 

“Ka - Kakashi, I mean it,” Iruka panted, licking his lips unconsciously as his hand came up to stroke softly at Kakashi's bare, handsome face, “Is this too fast? We - we only just admitted our love after all,” He gave a nervous laugh and blushed furiously, “I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me, I've never done this so quickly before, and I really do love you, the last thing I want is just a one-night stand. So please, if this is too fast then just tell me.”

 

“Iruka,” He said, placing kisses along the other's jawbone, “It's moving a little fast but I want this. I've liked you for so long and I love you deeply, the past month you've been more than a friend to me and I don't want to ever lose you. Don't worry, I won't regret this, but I've never done this before . . .”

 

Looking down at that faint blush, closed eyes and nervous expression had Iruka's heart melting and forced him to smile. He'd never before thought he'd see this side of Kakashi, this innocent and naïve side that was so different from the rough and tough exterior he often presented, it brought out a protective side in Iruka he hadn't known he'd had and all he wanted to do was show the other how much he loved him. Placing a light kiss on the other's lips he lowered his hand down to Kakashi's trousers and undone them carefully, relishing the sound Kakashi made as he lifted his hips for Iruka to pull the garment and undergarments off, always making sure not to look away from that beautiful face. It felt strange to him as he pressed his body flush against the one beneath him, feeling the naked man in all his glory writhing against him, feeling that hard and aching member pushing up against him, it was the most erotic sight he'd seen and the sight of the Jounin blushing and panting with eyes half-closed nearly sent him over the edge.

 

Returning to kissing the man below he made quick work of his own trousers and underwear and threw them across the room. With a knee on either side of those delicious hips he allowed his body to hover above, making sure not to let his member touch with Kakashi's so as to save that moment for last, looking down he licked his lips slowly and surely before giving a rather bashful grin to his lover.

 

“Well I hadn't meant to top today but if that's what you were expecting -.”

 

He yelped loudly in shock as he suddenly felt those large hands forcing their ways up on to his shoulders, then with a firm and forceful hold threw his body down with a move only a Jounin could fully master. Iruka was slightly dazed as he now lay on his back but the loud growl from Kakashi brought him back to his senses, when he opened his eyes he gasped as the bed dipped and the Jounin climbed over him on all fours, the look in those dark eyes above him was somewhere between menacing power and total adoration. It sent a thrill through Iruka to feel so completely dominated and submissive, to have those hands either side of his head and knees by each hip, to have that face inches from his as his body was laid out bare beneath Kakashi, completely vulnerable to whatever the other wanted. His arms were outstretched, his legs tilting to try and hide himself with some modesty, and he could do nothing but swallow hard at the feeling of utter arousal.

 

He held back a groan as he felt his pre-come pooling against his stomach, his aching member so hard and desperate to be touched that as he glanced down he could see it was already a fiery red and hard enough to be ready for anything, there was a faint silver glow along it from his natural lubrication and he swore he could see the thick vein on the underside thrumming with need. The whole thing would twitch when he'd realise how Kakashi was over him, completely in control with total power, and he found himself moaning loudly.

 

It was then that Kakashi lay he body flat against the teacher beneath him, so close their hearts seemed to beat against one another, and then - with a hard, forceful thrust - he ground his hard cock against the younger man's. Both men threw back their heads in complete pleasure, Kakashi letting out a guttural cry as Iruka's hands clenched tight into the green bedspread and cried loudly out. The feeling was electric, a hot rush of absolute pleasure as their aching members pushed and thrust against one another, pure ecstasy coursing into their veins as their bodies trembled with a hot need and desire. There was a thin sheen on sweat on Iruka's body and as he looked up everything seemed blurry, he wasn't sure he could hold out anymore if Kakashi carried on in such a manner.

 

“I never expected you to top,” Kakashi grunted, leaning down to bite and nibble against Iruka's neck and running his fingers down his body to tease and tickle his hip bones, “What I mean is I've never done this before. In any way.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I spent my childhood grieving, my teenage years in Anbu and my adult years as a teacher. Believe it or not this is the first chance I had and the first person I've wanted to be with romantically or sexually. Now can we get down to business, hmm?”

 

Iruka made to protest but as that hot mouth began to work its way down his body he lost all his senses. He wanted to ask if this was okay, he'd never once thought of Kakashi as a virgin - far from it! - but when he explained it although briefly it made some sense, but that alone made Iruka feel somewhat guilty and honoured. It was beyond special and romantic, to know that he'd be Kakashi's first, but at the same time it felt a great responsibility and not something to take lightly. He wanted to be sure the other wanted this, that he wouldn't regret it, that this was okay, but all he could do was groan loudly as absolute pleasure coursed through him.

 

That hot tongue trailed slowly down the centre of his chest, with those warm lips leaving soft kisses on his skin as it went, he could feel those hands dip lower and lower until they reached his waist where the held lightly onto him, holding him down so that he could buck up each time a spike a pleasure struck him. He nearly cried when Kakashi attacked his nipples with his teeth, lips and tongue and coaxed them alive, and just as soon as that intimate kiss began he began to go lower once more, licking a long trail down his abdomen to that long line of brown hair that went to his groin. The kisses seemed to grow hotter, more furious, desperate, they seemed to want to taste every inch of him and drink up that glow his emitted and take him for their own. The way that muscle dipped into his bellybutton and licked along the crease between his crotch and thigh was deeply erotic, causing Iruka to almost scream in heavenly bliss. He couldn't count the gentle nibbles or small bites and all he knew was that he wanted - no, needed - more.

 

Then - without warning - Kakashi swallowed him whole.

 

It was the most amazing feeling in the world. His hands instinctively shot down to Kakashi's silver locks and wrapped their fingers amongst them, holding hard to ground himself and gain that sense of reality he so desperately needed. He was surprised how easily this came to the Jounin, he'd never done this before and yet he felt like a natural! The way his cheeks hollowed out so he could feel that soft, smooth, wet flesh encasing his cock, the way those lips didn't quite cover the teeth so there was just the hint of pain to oppose that all encompassing pleasure, somehow Kakashi had managed to take him all the way to the base too so each time the Jounin swallowed he could feel the muscles of his mouth contracting around his head. God it felt good! It was amazing! A perfect mimicry of what he'd done earlier with his fingers, and then - then he his tongue came into play, Iruka gave out a half-scream and thrust hard upwards. He could feel that rough muscle stroking him slowly along the vein, tucking itself under his mushroom head and brushing around the rim and then - oh God - then he tipped it into the slit and licked the pre-come like a kitten lapping up milk.

 

Just as he thought he could take no more that mouth slowly left his aching penis, weeping openly as it longed for more, and as he looked down he could see the smug look of satisfaction on Kakashi's face as he lifted Iruka's legs high and lowered his head downwards . . . Iruka only had a vague idea of what was happening, no one had ever done such a thing to him and it never occurred to him Kakashi would be the first but then he felt that tongue return, licking at his hole and his mind screamed back to reality. His hands darting to the sheets to tear into them as his mouth opened in a silent scream.

 

He could feel that tongue inching its way inside him, tasting him in a place that he never dreamed of using in such a way, that rough muscle licking and rolling inside him as his own muscles clamped down instinctively on the intruder. It was a strange feeling, something both soft and firm that moved to his body and with it, something rough and hot that mapped each ring of muscle and made him throb and writhe and thrust downwards. It felt even stranger, even more electric, when slowly but surely he felt a long finger working its way deep inside him. That long digit followed the contours of his inner walls perfectly, working its way inside that passage lubricated with saliva and spit-filled kisses, he was starting to feel full and used in a way he hadn't for so long, and then as that second finger worked its way in he felt the stretch. He could feel those digits and tongue scissoring him open, relaxing him and massaging his insides, he could feel each movement and then - and then - he could feel the pad of that index finger pressing against that spongy spot inside of him. He could do nothing more scream loudly in absolute bliss.

 

He could have killed Kakashi when he removed those digits and tongue and worked his way back up to Iruka, his face inches from his but his mouth curled into such a smile the other wanted nothing more than to kiss it right off his face.

 

“Where did a virgin learn to do that?”

 

“Books of course,” Kakashi said with a smile, “And I believe it gets better . . .”

 

Iruka opened his mouth to question him but the moment his mouth opened it was swallowed in a passionate kiss. He could feel that rough tongue battling with his own, feel the heat and desperation from Kakashi as he ran his hands over every part of the Chunin he could find, and in return Iruka did the same, unable to let go of the Jounin for even the slightest of seconds. He could feel a distinct pressure at his rear, something almost teasing as it coaxed his entrance open wide and yet refused to press in, he could feel the hot pressure and the waves of pleasure as he nerve endings felt that force but longed for more. Pulling back from the kiss he looked down to see Kakashi's member waiting outside his hole, it seemed the rumours he'd heard about the older man's size were true, he was as long as he was wide and it made Iruka gulp nervously to think that something so large would be inside him. Did Kakashi even know what he was doing? Was this going to hurt? He loved the other so much though and he wanted this, needed this, and he felt so hot and so good that right then he didn't care what was going to happen just as long as it did happen.

 

Then - slowly - Kakashi pushed into him.

 

Iruka felt the stretch at once, that soft burning as muscles unused became pulled and taut under the strain of a large invader, he was grateful he'd been prepared well though as it wasn't a pain so much as an ache, but it was still uncomfortable as Kakashi spent long, agonising moments sliding in inch by inch. To make it easier he wrapped his arms around the Jounin's neck and gave him a wild kiss for self-distraction, his legs winding around that perfect waist as he relaxed his rear and pushed out which in turn made entering him even easier. With the flexing of his inner muscles and his new position it seemed Kakashi just slid in, he was now fully sheathed inside Iruka with his nest of pubic hairs tickling the Chunin's entrance. The look of pure concentration upon Kakashi's face was beautiful as he spent a long moment simply waiting for Iruka to adjust, holding his body perfectly still as his hands that held his weight clenched tight into the sheets below. His eyes were filled with complete lust, love and desire and when their eyes met and locked it was perhaps a moment more intimate and special than anything they'd shared so far. The smile on Kakashi's lips as he mouthed `I love you', the way his Sharingan spun as he lost his self-control, the way the sunlight from outside made his sweat-covered skin glow, they were all things Iruka swore he'd never forget as long as he lived.

 

Then Iruka could feel the man above him pulling back, the friction inside him sweet and sensual, the feeling of his inner walls closing behind that exiting member and then the feeling of them being forced open as it slid back in, the rhythm was clumsy at first but soon Kakashi seemed to find himself and thrust in and out in a slow but forceful manner that left Iruka swooning with a calm sense of pleasure. Each time he thrust up to meet the other he was greeted with the most primitive sounding grunts of delight, when he looked up at the moving face that looked back down on him he saw nothing but a fierce look of power, desire and enjoyment. It was impossible for Kakashi to look anymore handsome, erotic and arousing, his every expression and movement had Iruka driving his nails into the others back with sheer satisfaction. He was surprised how quiet the other man was in his lovemaking, how silent compared to Iruka who could do nothing but howl and moan like a whore. Their movements were speeding now, gaining movement and momentum, and he was unsure how much longer he could last. Then - shocking his system - he felt that press against his prostate.

 

The pleasure was so intense he could do nothing but scream and run his nails deeply down Kakashi's back, he drove his body up so hard to meet the other he heard a long cry of enjoyment coarse through his partner's mouth, and all through his body he felt alight and alive, complete and total torturous satisfaction. His veins were on fire, his skin hot to the touch, he vision blurred and the pleasure so wild that his very soul felt consumed by it. The thrusting was so hard and fast now that it was reaching its peak, over and over he felt that hammering against that part of him that was so rarely touched and the sheer ecstasy was too much, his member throbbed and ached and his heart pounded so fast in his chest it was sure to give out any second, and his hands could do nothing but claw against the Jounin above. It was too much, too good, too bloody fantastic! He was moaning over and over with each sound broken by each thrust, he could barely stand it any longer and it was all so electrifying, so when Kakashi's warm hand touched his cock it'd barely been there for more than two seconds when he exploded into utmost bliss.

 

His body tightened instantly as if in a vice, his nails driving so hard into the Jounin's skin he swore he could feel blood, his voice exploded into a scream as he used his legs to pull Kakashi deeper into him for his final moments. His inner walls clasped so tight around Kakashi that he became silent and tense above him, until Iruka felt a hot rush inside him and a dampness around his rear that wasn't there before, signalling that his lover had came hard too. He could feel his own member twitching with a life of its own, so hard in its pumping that the relief became an almost pain, he could feel the hot ropes of come shooting up as far as his chin and face and it seemed to never end. This utmost relief, this desperate ecstasy better than any drug, it never seemed to stop and then his body became weak and he found himself collapsing flat on the bed, his body sated and the familiar after-glow overcoming him but with a much higher intensity than he'd ever felt before. He couldn't open his eyes, he could barely breathe except in erratic pants, and yet this was the most amazing feeling he'd ever felt. It'd been beyond amazing, beyond words, it'd been perfect.

 

He winced when Kakashi slid out of him and groaned feeling the absence of the thing that brought him such joys, but as soon as he realised it was over he felt Kakashi listing him up into his arms and heard the rustling of sheets before feeling the cool white sheet of the bed beneath him, then the green bedspread came over them both, encompassing them in a warm cocoon and feeling like bliss on his heated skin. Smiling he moved over awkwardly to Kakashi and nuzzled into him, breathing in that heady scent of sex and sweat, he could feel the Jounin's arms come around him and one began to play with his long hair in a way that was so relaxing it was beginning to put him to sleep. When that soft, broken voice came he barely even heard it.

 

“Was that okay, Iruka? Did I hurt you at all?”

 

Blinking away the oncoming sleep and daze of relaxation he glanced up at Kakashi. The older Shinobi seemed caught somewhere between ecstatically happy and terrified in worry, it made Iruka smile to know that this man cared so much about him and at the same time he'd brought Kakashi a pleasure he'd never felt before. This was the man he loved and they'd shared such a special, perfect moment, one they'd be sure to re-enact many times in the future too. He loved Kakashi so much he thought for a long while he'd be able to do nothing but smile.

 

“That was perfect, Kakashi, that was honestly and truthfully the best I've ever had,” He frowned when he sure the smug smirk of satisfaction on his partner and raising of the silver eyebrow and mouth that looked like it was caught close to a laugh, closing his eyes Iruka growled and nuzzled his head deep into his lover's neck, “Damn it, even now you're as cocky as ever. How was it for you?”

 

“Perfect,” Kakashi answered, placing soft kisses on Iruka's brown hair, “You can tell you're experienced with talent like that.”

 

“What -!”

 

“I'm just joking!” Kakashi laughed.

 

He carried on laughing albeit quieter when Iruka punched him hard in the chest then rolled over, he took half the blanket with him and curled up into an adorable, angry ball with a huff of frustration. In return Kakashi curled his body up against his Chunin's and kissed that neck of his passionately, before nuzzling into it the way Iruka had done just moments ago.

 

“Sorry Iruka, I couldn't resist teasing you. It really was perfect though, I'd never imagined it'd be so good and it was ten times better than what I could do to myself,” He smiled as he sure Iruka blushing, he looked truly adorable. “It was the most incredible experience of my life and I love you so much, Iruka, I never want to lose you. I want you to know that I'll never leave you too, I love you.”

 

Sighing Iruka turned his head around to give Kakashi a chaste kiss, “I love you too, Kakashi, forever and always.”

 

Unable to stay angry at his lover he let out a deep breath and turned over, pulling the bedspread with him so he could wrap Kakashi in it also, leaving them both enclosed under its warmth. Wrapping his arms around his lover he felt the other do the same so that they were locked together sharing that beautiful afterglow, the feel of those muscular arms around him made him feel safe and secure in a way that no one else had ever managed to give him, the feel of that warm breath on his head made him feel loved like he'd never had before. He never wanted to leave this embrace. It was too perfect, too relaxing, he never wanted to let go of Kakashi, and he wanted to stay like this forever, just locked with him in a special, private place that only the two of them would ever share. This was the man he loved.

 

“Iruka?”

 

“Hmm?” He said, falling into a deep and contented sleep.

 

“Don't tell Gai but that mission report I handed in was from the mission before last, I think it's only about a month overdue but it means that I still owe this mission report, it wasn't early after all,” Kakashi said with a nervous laugh, “I just wanted an excuse to talk to you. You can wait a week or so for the real report, right, Iruka-sensei?”

 

“Kakashi?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Just shut up and let me sleep,” Iruka mumbled, “I swear I'll kill you when I wake up, you unromantic, lazy-ass Shinobi, but for now I want to sleep.” Sighing he nuzzled into that shoulder and smiled despite himself, “Why the hell did I have to fall in love with you?”

 

With a soft laugh he kissed that beautiful head one last time, closing his own eyes to join Iruka in a well-deserved sleep, “I love you too, `Ruka.”