Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Mission Reports ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two

 

A/N: This should be three chapters altogether. Apologies for chapter quality, it serves mainly to bridge a gap between chapters one and three. Thank you to all who have reviewed; your comments are greatly appreciated.

 

Warnings: Mild yaoi/slash.

 

* * *

 

Oh God, where was Kakashi?

 

He had to be here - he said he'd be here! - but if he wasn't here then just where the hell was he? Drawing in a deep breath Iruka closed the apartment door behind him. This wasn't right. He knew something was wrong, he could feel it, but he was a Chunin and an adult Chunin at that, he couldn't just let his emotions get the better of him without a good reason. Kakashi had been fine for the past month after all and he'd seemed to be recovering nicely. Why would he suddenly decide to leave or hurt himself? It just didn't make sense!

 

Sitting on the edge of the bed Iruka sighed loudly and tried to quell his racing heart, it wouldn't help to panic and the more he felt his heart beating loud against his ribs the more his emotions took control of him. He couldn't think of a worse feeling than this. It was such an intense feeling of helplessness and worry, his feet and hands twitched and shook with a need to be active and doing something, but his mind just wouldn't let him up! If he moved where would he go? Kakashi said he'd be here; true he was always late which was why Iruka made sure to be an hour late himself! It wasn't as though he could leave the apartment to look for the Jounin either, the very thought set a cold wave of adrenaline into his system that made him feel as if his blood had drained into his stomach; what if Kakashi came back whilst he was out looking? Still, he couldn't just sit here and do nothing! It was beginning to drive him to the brink of insanity, the thoughts racing around in his head, each one more intense and blinding than the last, but each and every image drove him to the exact same picture of Kakashi injured, dying, dead . . .

 

He - he was being overdramatic, wasn't he? He'd only just arrived after all and it was a very small apartment, too small really, it was possible Kakashi had only stepped out to use the bathroom or maybe he was downstairs in the communal kitchen? Come to think of it there was many places the Jounin could be, he often competed with Gai-sensei and was often called away on sudden missions, he could even be praying at the remembrance stone or hunting the bookstores for another good read. Iruka didn't have a reason to assume the worst, did he? No. No, of course not! It had been a month since the incident and Kakashi had made great progress since then, they'd been an occasional slip-up but generally he seemed to be heading in a positive direction. It would be an insult to the other to think the worst, it'd be like all the progress they'd made was for nothing, and it'd be as if he no longer trusted the Jounin with the small things. So why couldn't he stop his heart from pounding? Why did his eyes water and his skin pale? If Kakashi was okay then why was he so scared . . .?

 

If the elder Shinobi had left for an innocent reason then surely he would have let Iruka know . . . There'd have been a note written down for him to find, a message passed through the mission desk or he would have even sent Pakkun to pester him, so why was it he was sitting in an unlocked, empty apartment with no sign of the owner? Something had to be wrong, but if that were true than Iruka would never forgive himself! If Kakashi had been feeling suicidal again then he should have spotted the signs, he should have seen the warnings, maybe he should have spoken to Tsunade after all or encouraged Kakashi to speak to some sort of professional? There was no reason to think such things though! Iruka was just confused, worried, assuming the worst . . . If only his heart would slow down, if only his breathing would quieten, it was starting to feel suffocating in the tiny room, as if the air was being drawn out and he had no other choice except to take shallow breaths and hope for the best.

 

With a nervous smile he scratched thoughtfully at the scar on his nose and dropped beside him a book he'd brought earlier in the day . . . It wasn't much but he'd hoped to give it as a present to Kakashi, to show him that he was in Iruka's thoughts . . . Maybe it'd been a bad idea, after all it was supposed to be the latest in the Icha series but knowing Kakashi he probably already had it, and knowing Kakashi he'd probably just laugh at Iruka's discomfort and embarrassment at having to buy such a book in the first place. That was . . . assuming Kakashi was okay . . .

 

It'd been a month though! Iruka had been to Kakashi's apartment each and every morning and afternoon since then, making sure to collect mission reports so they wouldn't be late and stopping by with breakfast in much the same way Kakashi used to do for Naruto. He'd done everything he could to show the elder that he was wanted and needed and Iruka planned to remain a constant in his life, he'd spent the first few weeks talking solely about himself in hopes that Kakashi would open up and eventually he did, even if it was only a little. They'd developed a friendship really, which had been a lot more than Iruka had ever hoped for, and as for his hasty declaration of love when he panicked - finding Kakashi trying to commit suicide - well it was as it it'd never happened. At first Iruka worried that his abrupt announcement had been completely overlooked and ignored, worrying that it was perhaps playing the Jounin's mind or putting something awkward between a possible friendship, but then he realised that Kakashi genuinely didn't notice. Perhaps he'd felt the `I love you' was merely a generic or platonic kind of love, or something over exaggerated in a moment of fear, but for some reason it both frightened and hurt him to think that. It hurt that Kakashi didn't realise the extent to which he felt for him, but at the same time it was frightening to think what would happen should the other Shinobi ever find out.

 

Still, where was he? Why wasn't he here? Iruka couldn't help but worry, he knew well the problems that Jounin faced daily and the pressures placed upon them, and it wasn't as if anyone could be sensitive to Kakashi's situation as no one knew the problems he was facing. What if something had pushed him over the edge? What if he was out there somewhere and needed help?

 

Drawing in a deep breath Iruka stood up and readied himself. He couldn't just sit around waiting for news or for something to happen, he was a Chunin and he had to take action! If this were any one of his students or Naruto he'd be the first to get involved and make sure all was well, just because it was a Jounin rather than a child didn't mean he had no moral obligation to get involved. It was his duty as a Shinobi to do so! He'd find Kakashi and make sure everything was okay, if it wasn't then he'd help his fellow ninja, and if all was okay then he'd make sure to hurt Kakashi enough that he wouldn't dream of worrying Iruka again!

 

With a frown Iruka left the apartment, determined to find Kakashi. It didn't matter how long it took him or what happened, all he knew was he had to make sure the elder Shinobi was okay, if he didn't he'd never be able to forgive himself . . .

 

He had to be okay; he just had to . . .

 

* * *

 

It was strange . . .

 

How many years had it been since he'd last visited this place? It was certainly too long ago to remember accurately, and yet - and yet he knew his way around the building as he'd never left! His feet guiding him from room to room with such familiarity that it was almost second-nature, his hands trailing surfaces as he passed with a quiet uncertainty that was mismatched to his footsteps. He felt as if he owed this home a degree of reverence; it was almost like stepping into a home of a stranger with its foreign ambiance and unsettling, unfamiliar atmosphere, and for that he owed it some respect because it didn't feel quite his. Yet this was his, wasn't it? It was his home along with all the memories, the flashbacks, the objects that were once his father's and the belongings that once were his as a child. It was all his and somehow at the same time it wasn't. It was perfect really, a mass of swirling contradictions that was what a Shinobi was, but through it all he wasn't sure what to feel or even just what had brought him here to begin with.

 

It was clear which rooms his Ninken used and which they didn't; the places that were untouched had a thick layer of virgin dust, to even touch them for a second left a blanket of filth on Kakashi's fingers that seemed to stain the skin and taint it forever, his every move sent clouds of dirt into the air and left footprints clinging to the floors. There were only two rooms that were clean and those appeared to be the main kitchen and living room, there the dust seemed to fade away like a tide into a sea of cleanliness, the objects were scattered and there was a faint smell to the place that marked it as lived in. Two homes in one house, that was what it was. How could he have been gone for so long? How was it he failed to notice the neglect of this place?

 

He smiled beneath his mask. It felt ironic in a way to ask such a question, hadn't he neglected his own body and own soul in the exact same way? He could still feel that emptiness inside him, as if his own soul had long ago vacated and left him nothing more than an empty shell, that feeling of worthlessness and age, as if all these years he'd stood tall and proud but with nothing to show for it. He hated that feeling. It was that despair that had driven him to the point of suicide, that overwhelming loneliness where it felt as if he could scream to the world and no one would answer, and why would they? What Shinobi couldn't take care of themselves? What Jounin couldn't save himself from the brink of destruction? He had known back then that no one would save him or help him, he'd known he was standing in that bleak abyss staring pain and regret in the face with the realisation he was fighting that losing battle alone, he'd been falling with no way to stop, no one to catch him. Had he been weak? Was it a sign of his failing abilities that he'd allowed himself to drop so far? If it was that - pathetic weakness and nothing more - then what right had he to live, to claim to be a ninja of this village? Just how would he be able to prove his worth again and bring himself back to the status he once held?

 

Somehow, at some point earlier in the day, he found himself walking away from his duties and responsibilities and wandering what he thought was aimlessly, without meaning or reason, until he was stood at the gates of the old Hatake complex, looking deep into the eyes of the house with a feeling of both hostility and adoration. The conflict inside him at seeing that old building was heartbreaking, his inner organs felt tense and taut, his breath shallow and his heart pulled deep somewhere inside him, there was this intense dread and fear of entering but this desire to see me that sought to pull him inside. He couldn't move. He could only stare too scared to enter and too scared to move, until something unexplainable drew him on. It was a feeling that something had clicked in his mind, this clearing of clutter and useless thoughts and an instinct that he'd only ever known on the battlefield, it was almost ethereal but at the same time so practical, drawing him into a house that was not a home and a home that was not a house.

 

The only way he could explain it was a sense of fate. It felt as if he should die then this was it, the place where he must take his own life, it felt almost poetic to end his own life on the very same spot his father had when he was only a child, but there was more to it than that too. If he were to be positive, to be hopeful, then where better a place than to rebuild his existence than here? Rebuilding a home that once stood majestic and proud whilst trying to rebuild his soul in that same way? True he didn't know what he wanted, true he didn't know no longer where he stood, but he knew that he couldn't just walk on, he was drawn to that building for whatever reason and that reason compelled him to go in and explore.

 

Stopping by the rooms the dogs had appeared to commandeer for their own he spent a few moments playing with them, conversing with Pakkun for a great length of time in fact, before allowing himself to search the house once more . . .

 

It was a strange feeling being a ghost in his home. Everything he touched had a mark left in it, everywhere he moved had behind him a path marking his journey, and before him were untouched places that had been left alone for so long it felt almost blasphemous to tread on that untrodden ground. It seemed some of the wooden furniture had become rotten over time, a few of the paper doors broken or faded and the tatami mats such a dark brown that it was obvious they were in desperate need of replacement. It was only when his senses were accosted by that horrific smell, that one he'd never grown used to despite his years fighting and killing, that he truly realised just where he'd been heading all this time.

 

Before him were the large old-fashioned, slide doors that he'd been so familiar with growing up, the ones that had led into his father's room where he so often sat hearing stories or waiting with a smile to listen to the old man's latest missions, it'd been a room he knew intimately well and still to this say remembered every detail.

 

When he was still young, naïve and innocent he'd looked to his father as a role model; Sakumo Hatake, the White Fang, a Shinobi feared and respected by all and loved more than anyone in the whole village. It was of course before the days before he'd been disgraced, the days before he'd taken his own life, but Kakashi remembered. He remembered memorising every item in the room, reflecting how it somehow revealed so much about his idol's personality and interests, he remembered every detail of every story told, he even remembered some of the training that had occurred and the skills he'd learnt. It was amazing that despite it all the memories were pure, untarnished and brought a smile to his face that seemed so rare these days. This was his father's room. This was the room of the White Fang. He knew he most people would have treated such a room with the utmost respect and kindness, but Kakashi knew that would have been the ultimate disrespect, his father would have wanted him to remember the room fondly and treat it as he always had done, to do anything else would have been improper. With his smile shaking with unease he draped his hands over the handles and opened the door quickly, as if the speed would make the sight before him hurt less . . . It didn't.

 

It was as if he was seeing the death for the first time all over.

 

His heart seemed to stop dead in his chest, a feeling of coldness washing over him the exact same way it had as a child when he'd stepped into this very room, his skin felt touched by ice and chilled with a sheen of sweat and his eyes seemed to double in vision and blur with such fear he hadn't experienced for years. The blood stain on the floor seemed smaller now than when he was a child, but such a dark and intense reddish-brown it could have easily been black, and as he looked at it he could feel his eyes burn intensely with the sharp pain of tears. This blood - this blood was his father's, this was where he watched moments after his father had plunged that blade into his stomach, this was where he forgot all his training and panicked, where he tried so hard to put all he saw back into the body where it belonged, where he heard those last words and saw the light go out of those eyes. This was where Sakumo died. He hadn't expected the pain to flood back, he hadn't expected to feel it as acutely as if someone had ripped open an old scar to let blood flow, and yet here it was, this nauseous feeling of dread, death and depression, this knowledge that here had lain a man and now he would lay here no longer. Sakumo was gone and this - this was his room, his room that was now Kakashi's room. It didn't feel right.

 

Kneeling down gently he reached out his fingers and placed them softly on the dried blood. It was a strange gesture but it helped. It was as if by touching those rotten remains he could connect himself to his lost father, picture his smile and wrinkled eyes, that long hair that would always sooner or later annoy him with its length, hear those soft words as he recanted tales of bravery and advise beyond wise. It was as if by touching what once belonged to his father he could touch that soul he'd lost long ago, touch the man who no longer had a place in his life except as a ghost or memory. The downside of course was that by touching that blood he could vividly remember that moment in time as if it was happening around him, he could see his father lying on his side as if he was really there with Kakashi's eyes staring down the way they had back then. He could feel the fear and feel the hot, sticky blood over his hands trickling down his arms, he could feel that slicked open skin beneath his fingers as he desperately tried to close a wound that could not be closed, he could feel the heat all over again, the scalding heat of blood even as that body turned cold under his touch. He could feel it, see it, smell it. He was there. He was watching his father die . . .

 

“Kakashi!”

 

Jolting his hand back his mind seemed to pull back to the present time. His father's body had disappeared from sight and all that was left was a stain, a reminder of all that was and couldn't be, the furniture and futon were no longer fresh but mouldy and dusty and the windows were not open to that cruel moon but closed to the sun. He was home at last and there was no father here to greet him . . .

 

“Kakashi?”

 

Blinking a few times Kakashi sighed and tilted his head in the direction of Iruka's voice, the poor man was standing behind him by only a few inches but the sheer fear in his voice was so powerful that it drew out a cold rush of adrenaline. Iruka was clearly frightened and perhaps rightly so, and yet for some reason he couldn't think of any words of comfort, or anything to say.

 

“Kakashi, are you okay? I - I came in and saw the blood and - and I -.” There was a long pause and an audible swallow, “I thought when I saw you just sitting there that it was yours! What the hell were you thinking? You had me scared to death!”

 

“Hmm? I'm sorry Iruka.”

 

Standing carefully he turned to look the other in the eye. It was clear the younger man was upset, his usually tanned skin had paled considerably and his eyes shook with a watery film, it was heartbreaking to look upon. Over the past month Iruka had been there constantly for him, visiting him each and every day and encouraging him to even socialise more with his fellow Jounin, he no longer felt quite as alone and he had Iruka to thank for that, the Chunin had given him an almost purpose for living and something to look forward to. It had been confusing at first given his crush on the Chunin but also his distaste for some of his more annoying personality quirks, but having gotten to know him Kakashi could easily see why he was so loved by everyone, and just how lucky he was to have him by his side. He really appreciated Iruka and the last thing he wanted was to hurt the man who had helped save him from his depression, granted his still had a long way to go but he wanted Iruka there with him each step of the way.

 

“What are you doing here anyway, Iruka?”

 

“What am I doing here? What do you think! You were supposed to meet me at your apartment an hour ago! I've been worried sick! I must have been to every place in the village I thought you might be, I was just lucky Anko saw you coming in here else I might never have found you!”

 

“Oh? My, my, I didn't realise I was so late. My apologies, Iruka-sensei.”

 

When he gave a bright - if not slightly faked - smile he saw Iruka snap his head to the side and blush red, the colour at once returned to his cheeks and his eyes sparkled with life once again. Despite his arms folded and the sharp frown on his face he appeared quite cute, the image of which issued a sincere smile onto Kakashi's hidden lips as his eyes closed in humour. He was starting to enjoy these moments when Iruka would appear; he found himself lately gossiping with Anko, competing with Gai and sometimes even in good conversation with Ibiki but it seemed Iruka was the only person he could find himself smiling with, feeling natural with. Perhaps it was merely because the other was there at such a vulnerable moment and helped him, perhaps it was a feeling akin to a love for one's parent - Iruka certainly was nurturing after all - or perhaps he would have felt the same for anyone else had they helped him in the same way. All he knew was there was something special about Iruka, something that captured his attention and made him smile in a way that he thought he never would again, perhaps he was developing feelings for the younger but even if he wasn't he still felt as if he'd at least gained a good friend.

 

“Yeah, well . . . Don't do it again!” Iruka snapped with a cute pout and his cheeks red, after a few brief seconds his eyebrows began to twitch conspicuously as his eyes turned to what used to be Sakumo Hatake's room. With curiosity piqued he lowered his arms and let his face return to it usually peaceful look, “What are you doing here anyway? This place isn't exactly . . . hygienic.”

 

Laughing Kakashi bent forward and patted Iruka kindly on the head, “How cute, all these years of teaching and the only way you can describe this hellhole is `unhygienic'. It's no wonder Naruto is articulate as he is.”

 

“Don't patronise me Kakashi!”

 

Seeing the dark and dangerous gaze in Iruka's eyes he realised he'd crossed a line and offended the other man. The first time a few weeks ago when he'd offended Iruka he had only smiled in return, saying it was good as it meant Kakashi was getting back to normal, however as time seemed to go on Iruka was growing more and more frustrated by the comments and seemed to be getting quite upset. He knew he had to hold back a little else he'd risk losing the only friend he had right now, but at the same time it was so easy to annoy the younger man that he couldn't resist, it made him feel like things had returned back to normal and it felt nice to be able to tease and play with another. He could only hope Iruka understood it wasn't a desire to undermine the Chunin as such, but merely a desire to get a reaction and build some form of relationship. When Iruka sighed and scratched at his scar he smiled, he knew then that he hadn't upset Iruka too much.

 

“Why are you here, Kakashi?”

 

“Well,” Kakashi said sadly, “I saw Tsunade-sama today, she's decided to send me on an S-ranked mission, it'll mean I'll be gone for at least two weeks . . . I suppose it got me thinking.” With an almost empty gaze he turned his attention back to his father's old room, “What do you think of the colour blue?”

 

“Kakashi?”

 

“Hmm? Sorry. I only ask as I'm thinking of doing this place up when I get back from the mission. I suppose after everything I could do with a fresh start and although this isn't quite what I had in mind it'll do, I'll be able to spend more time with the dogs and I suppose it's big enough to start a family in . . .”

 

“A - a family?”

 

With a sound of curiosity Kakashi turned once more and looked at Iruka with worry. The younger Chunin seemed to be blushing furiously and it wasn't often he seemed to stumble on words, it was enough for him to begin to worry, perhaps he'd done or said something yet again to offend the other? Or perhaps Iruka was just happy Kakashi was planning ahead for the future? It hadn't been something he'd consciously done, it had just sort of slipped out in fact, but it was inspiring for Kakashi to realise that he was thinking ahead, it meant that maybe there was a way out of this after all, that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It felt almost a relief to think of a future outside of missions in fact, but it didn't explain Iruka's expression at all. He couldn't even bring himself to make eye contact and it was definitely worrying.

 

“Are you okay, Iruka?”

 

“Yeah - yeah, I'm fine thank you, Kakashi-sensei! So - so when does your mission begin?”

 

There was something odd about the Chunin's voice, it seemed to shake and betray a sense of nervousness that didn't seem called for, in fact it was strange to think of Iruka even being nervous, he seemed to portray such confidence that Kakashi had never envisioned him as being anything else. What made things all the more awkward was it seemed Iruka's new disposition was passing on to Kakashi, just looking at the Chunin had him scratching his neck and giving a nervous laugh all of his own. He couldn't help but wonder just what had brought this sudden change in personality on.

 

“Today actually. I'm due to meet Gai-sensei and Anko-chan in an hour's time, it's a three-person squad and we're hoping to be back in a fortnight like I said, I'll need to be leaving any moment now. Don't worry, Iruka, I'm starting to feel more like my old self, I doubt I'll be in any danger like I was before.”

 

“Kakashi? Before you go -. I have to tell you something!”

 

“Oh?”

 

His curiosity piqued at once. Whatever this was seemed serious, he could tell by the small things like the way Iruka furrowed his eyebrows and the way he bit his lip, the way he suddenly couldn't look the other in the eye and the way he seemed to be somewhat pouting. It was strange to think what the other could possibly have to say to him, it couldn't be a warning to be careful for he was a Jounin, such warnings were as good as useless, but it had to be something important too else why couldn't it wait? Stepping closely to Iruka he noted that the other man seemed suddenly much more uncomfortable, his blush had stretched over his cheeks in the most adorable way but he'd also seemed to shrink into himself, as if hiding away from Kakashi as much as he could.

 

“Iruka?”

 

“To hell with it . . .” Iruka whispered.

 

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak but before he could utter a word Iruka had thrown his arms completely around his neck. It was shocking, frightening and surprising; he hadn't expected at all to feel arms of another person around him, clinging to him as if he were their only source of life, least of all had he expected this from what he'd thought was just a friend. To feel that hard, chiselled chest pressed firm up against his, those long and muscled arms gripping onto him and that warm face so close to his, it was amazing. He'd never dreamed that Iruka would see him this way, want to be so close to him, yet it felt so right, so perfect, as if they should have been holding each other this way all along. Lying in each other's arms and comforting each other through the good and the bad, holding the other in a way that was just so perfect and romantic in all its surprise.

 

Wrapping his arms cautiously around the other he smiled, the simple hug meant so much to him and he hadn't expected more, but then he felt those hands snaking around to his neck and inching their way up to explore his cheek and face. The touch of those smooth fingertips on his skin was almost seductive, they moved slowly and with such ease it was as if they were mapping out every inch of his face for memory. It was a slow exploration and the very touch was electric and made his eyes half-lid and his breath grow heavy. When those long fingers worked their way under his mask, pulling it down to leave his face on view, he barely even noticed, he was so enraptured with the touches and close proximity that it was as if his senses were ensnared, captured by this sudden magic. Before he could realise just what had occurred he felt those full, soft, rich lips upon his, coaxing his own into life and teasing them with an almost expertise he'd never before encountered.

 

It was the most intense kiss he'd ever imagined. The feeling of their breaths intermingling, the tingle and shocks of pleasure that coursed through him at such a soft expression of love, the heat of Iruka's tongue tracing his own lips and seeking entrance into his own cavern unexplored before to anyone. He could feel Iruka's hands massaging his shoulders as the kiss seemed to deepen, feel his arousal pressed firm against Kakashi's leg as his own pressed back in return, and opening his eyes he could see the blush on Iruka's cheeks, the relaxed expression as his eyes closed and the small trail of saliva each time their now open kissed pulled away. It was a deeply erotic sight and had him wanting more, regretting having to leave so soon, and just as soon as it had began that hot, rough tongue of Iruka's broke its way into his mouth, tasting him and taking in everything that he was, exploring with a sincere eagerness.

 

In shock Kakashi pulled away. He - he hadn't expected that at all. That wasn't to say it wasn't good because damn it was good, the way his groin pulsed and throbbed attested a lot to the fact it was very good, but - but this was Iruka!

 

He liked the Chunin a lot but he'd never pictured them in a relationship, and what did this mean? Kakashi was just about to go on a S-ranked mission, he couldn't guarantee he'd live, much less be able to come back and start a relationship with another. Wait, this - this meant that Iruka was gay? He'd always pictured Iruka as the blushing, virginal schoolteacher and yet here he was taking the initiative with a man no less, Kakashi wasn't even sure what to think. His mind was confused, in chaos, wanting more but unsure how to go about it, unsure as to what was going on . . .

 

“Kakashi!” He had to blink a few times when Iruka spoke, and when he looked he saw the man on the verge of tears and with a look of complete defeat, it was heartbreaking but as he went to speak once again he was cut off before the words could come, “No, it's okay, I know why you pushed me away, I shouldn't have come onto you like that. It's just - I really do like you Kakashi! With everything you've been through though I shouldn't have - I mean - well - . . . I never really expected you to love a Chunin like me anyways,” Iruka said with a nervous laugh and a small tear, “Good luck with your mission, okay! I'll - I'll see you when you get back.”

 

“Iruka, I -.”

 

“No! It's okay! Really! I have to go, see you when you get back, okay?”

 

Lifting his hand to stop the other man he realised it was a pointless gesture, already Iruka had moved his own hands to do the jutsu required to leave, by the time he'd even regained his senses Iruka had gone.

 

He wasn't sure what to do. Should he go after Iruka and explain he enjoyed the kiss but was merely in shock, or did Iruka need a moment alone? If he did explain things what would happen then anyway? He couldn't avoid his mission but he certainly couldn't avoid Iruka and what happened, and if the kiss meant something then it would require a relationship, he was only just able to carry his head high again without that overwhelming depression, could he really cope with another person's emotional well-being too? It was just a kiss though! He was a high-ranked ninja, he'd killed many in his time and completed many missions, and surely this one kiss couldn't leave him too confused, too stunned? It was ridiculous to think that one sudden action taken on a Chunin's part could leave him in such a dreamlike state. Sighing Kakashi shook his head and made his way quietly downstairs to prepare for his mission.

 

It was a good job his enemies didn't know about this apparent weakness . . . he'd be the laughing stock of all Shinobi . . .