Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Misunderstandings ❯ I Still Need You ( Chapter 5 )

A/N: Here’s chapter 5.  So sorry about not updating.  I’ve been real busy with life.  Here you go!  The ending!

Misunderstandings

Chapter 5:  I Still Need You

By: Hinoto Nobukaze

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After that strange encounter, things slowly start to get a little better. I became better, and Kakashi-sensei regularly kicks my ass, and I don't care. I'm actually starting to have fun. I do want to prove myself to him, in so many ways, but... I realize, he only expects me to do my best. And maybe my best can be good enough for me, too.

And we have conversations. Actual, civil, friendly conversations, from time to time. None as long or in-depth as the one we had the night by the fountain, but not so strained and fake–or tumultuous–as they often were before that night. He even initiates conversations with me from time to time, and I no longer have the urge to turn him away before he might actually make me care again.

Because I already do. And that doesn't seem to bother me much.

And it's not just about our old relationship. It's the feelings from that that made me want to try again (that's why I came back to him, after all), but it's more, too. It's something new, because we've both changed a little.

But it's growing really slowly.

And the "something new" doesn't always help.

He’s still holding onto something.

And I'm getting tired of waiting for him to let go so we can move on.

"Next!" Kakashi-sensei shouts. My cue.

"Yes!" I answer him, stepping forward for the twice-weekly test of shame.

Parry riposte parry feint lunge.

"Got you!" I announce after what seems to be only a few seconds.

"You're not focusing your center of balance properly."

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Next!" He calls out. I join the ranks of the defeated and go through a few bouts with them.

A second before I strike true against Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sensei places his hand on my shoulder.

"Sakura, your center of balance is lower than that. Let me show you." I nod, and he places his hands on my hips. "You should feel it in between here... so you can shift your weight like this." He gently but firmly guides my lower torso forward and back. "See?"

I feel it, but I'm watching his face, eyelid lowered, concentrating on what he's doing. Faint beads of sweat are on his face, exertion from practice. His eye flicker upward and meet mine. He holds my gaze for a minute, and he suddenly doesn't look like the teacher.

He steps backward suddenly, and then he frowns beneath the mask, "Do you understand?"

"Yes," I tell him, trying not to smirk. He dons the Mask of the teacher, which works well except it can't hide the fact that he's...

Blushing?

"What was that about?" Naruto-kun asks me.

I quit thinking about it before my face does something stupid. "About losing your balance, I think. Hiyah!"

"Naruto-san, I'll help clean up. I think Konohamaru is waiting for you."

"But he's-" the blond-haired boy starts to protest, and I give him a glare. It's not the Hatake Icy Glare of Death, but it will do. He gets the picture. "Oh, right," he nods. "I forgot." Smart boy, that Naruto. He quickly leaves.

I help Kakashi-sensei put spare shurikens away in the storage locker. We're the only ones left in the room. He’s not looking at me, and it starts to feel tense, like it used to.

"Dammit, Kakashi-sensei, what the hell is with you?"

He looks at me, his eye dancing between frustration and something else... regret? "I-" he sighs. "I'm sorry, Sakura. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable earlier today."

I shake my head. "I wasn't. You're the one who seems uncomfortable, Kakashi-sensei." The picture of Sasuke smirks at me in my mind's eye. Liar liar liar. Okay, so I am uncomfortable. But I'm tired of this.

Something has to change. Now.

He shuts the storage locker and stares at the latch. "Sakura..."

"Yes?" I prompt him after a few moments of silence.

"We can never be what we were in the past."

"I don't want to be what we were in the past. I'm not twelve anymore, Kakashi-sensei! Things have changed. We can change..." I trail off as he looks at the floor and rubs his eye so I can't see them.

"Sakura..." he says again. He’s acting weird and closed off, and I don't know what I've done wrong this time.

"That is my name," I agree. "What is it, Kakashi-sensei?"

He drops his hand and looks at me, eye glittering with a strange mix of frustration and amusement. "Sasuke was right. You are pushy."

When did he call me that? No, don't get distracted. I cross my arms. "Don't avoid the subject."

He shakes his head and closes his eye, wearing a strange smile. "Pushy, egotistical, and... something else. Selfish, I think."

What the hell is he doing? Has he just been playing with me? Condescending to that kind of level seems... The fire builds. I throw my arms out and push him against the storage locker door. "What are you getting at, Kakashi-sensei?" I thrust my chin upward, close to his face, so he has to face me.

His eye is wide in shock, and then they slowly soften... and sadden.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei, I didn't mean to hurt you," I ramble off. I mean it; he pissed me off but I didn't mean to get literally pushy. "I just want to know what you feel..." I trail off, looking at his eye, turbulent like the ocean.

That strange smile he was wearing a minute ago comes back. He tilts her head downward slightly, so as to look me in the eyes even better. It almost looks like he's about to-

Oh my god, is he going to kiss me?

Don't you dare, Kakashi-sensei.

Please do.

Don't. Please.

Oh, what am I thinking anyway? Even if he was still attracted to me, Kakashi-sensei would never-

Oh. My. God.

Soft, warm, gentle lips brush against mine in a pure, slow gesture.

Kakashi-sensei is kissing me.

What? I push myself away, startled by the reality of the situation. Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I never actually expected it to really happen. I never thought I would ever actually have to deal with this.

I guess I was merely hoping not to have to deal with how I would feel in return.

But if we have to change... if we have to move past where we've been... if we're ever to move forward, break the walls, the chains that are trapping us...

Kakashi’s eyes widen in horror as he's staring at me and he backs away from me. "Oh my god," he says, clapping his hand to her mouth and abruptly turning. Leaning against the wall, he starts to walk away.

I don't understand. Then I realize I must have looked pretty freaked.

He’s walking away from me again. No. My pounding heart says I can't let this happen. Not after all this...

I will not lose him.

"Kakashi-sensei!" I lunge for him and try to grab his arm, but he pulls away.

"Leave me alone!" he pleads. He’s trying to keep his head turned away from me, although I can tell his face is red.

"No!"

"Please," he says, or more whimpers, and then he seems to lose his legs, crumbling to the floor, covering his face with her hand, still leaning against the wall for support. The strength that usually seems to constantly flow through him has just run out. His whole body is quaking.

He’s crying. At one point I think I would have paid to see this. Now I just want him to stop, and be... and be Kakashi-sensei again.

I kneel down beside him.

"I'm sorry, Sakura..." he whispers.

"Why?" I ask softly.

He pulls his hand halfway down her face so he can look at me sideways. His face has gone from red to pale, and his eye are shimmering with tears.

"Dammit, Kakashi-sensei." I put my hand on his shoulder to keep him from replying. "You're even beautiful when you cry. How do you do that? Every time I cry I get all puffy and look like I'm all drugged out."

He drops his hand. Now he's just looking at me like I'm insane, and he may well be right.

I move my hand from his shoulder to his cheek, gently wiping tears away with my thumb. His skin is smooth. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei... you just... scared–startled me. But I guess... I scared you, too. But Kakashi-sensei, why should I be afraid of you? After all this? It's silly."

He’s just staring at me now, wide eyed, setting himself for whatever insult or praise, feint or lunge I may use to attack him with.

I wipe another tear and look at that wide, helpless, strong eye. "So pretty..."

My heart is so loud I can barely hear myself speak, so I stop talking.

On impulse, I lean forward and kiss another tear off his cheek. He doesn't move, though this close I can feel his breath, feel its warmth against my hair. In fact, I feel warmth everywhere, inside myself and coming from him, I'm so close to him.

Don't you dare, Sakura! The voice of fear puts in one last protest. And I finally can ignore it. Because I know if I don't do this now, I will never get the chance again. And I do not want to live the next few years of my life in regret. I've had enough of that. But it will take a miracle...

Believe in miracles, and they will know your true feelings.

I lower my face, already so close to him, and I pull down his mask and touch my lips to his. It's tentative at first, and I feel like I might fall apart at any moment. He’s still frozen at first, but then the gaze of the gorgon reduces. He relaxes, relents, and then I feel him put one arm around me, pulling me in close. His fingers glide through my hair as he kisses me back. It's warmer and more passionate than anything I've felt in my life. His skin, his lips, so soft and delicate and determined.

I wonder what kind of sick freak could ever think contact like this could be wrong?

I am such a fool.

After a few moments lighted by a warmth I have not felt in forever, we come up for air, and his eyes move over my face. He shakes his head. "Damn you, Sakura." His eye is still glassy, and he looks halfway between laughing and crying.

"Why?"

"Do you know how many times I've convinced myself I'm over you? And then, just as I think I can move on without you, you look at me, and smile, and say something wonderful like 'believe in miracles' or 'friendship makes you strong,' or... or 'dammit Kakashi-sensei, what the hell is with you,' and I fall in love with you all over again." He sighs. "And now... it's going to take forever for me to get over this."

I smile. "Good," I whisper and kiss his cheek, and let my face linger just a millimeter above his. His eyelashes tickle my face.

"What do you want from me, Sakura?" he whispers in my ear, in a different kind of desperation than before. It sounds the way he looked at me when I grabbed his hand a few months ago during lunch.

"Nothing," I answer him, honestly and truly. Be proud of me, Sempai. I shift my weight a little so I can crawl in close to him more comfortably.

My heart's still beating fast, but I feel warmer, fuller than I have before. Even being so close to him, I feel much more myself.

I am still frightened, and I have no idea what I'm doing. But I guess... that's what change is about.

He is waiting for more of an answer than what I have given him. I close my eyes, digging inside for a deeper answer.

"I want to... to love you, Kakashi-sensei." I shift my head back to look in his eye.

"Really?" His eye widen, and for a minute, he looks like a... a schoolboy.

"Yeah. So show me." I kiss him again.

He kisses me back briefly but then gently pushes my shoulders back to look at me. With one hand he smoothes my hair. "I don't know if I can, but..." He smiles and shakes his head. "I love you."

I think I hear bells outside. Or maybe my ears are just ringing, I'm not sure.

"It's taken you what, three years to say that, hasn't it?"

"Probably closer to four years." He leans forward and continues the kiss. He pulls me closer, running one hand through my hair.

I squeeze him tight, letting the last of my fear melt into the tender radiance of his lips. He pulls me in more deeply, and I taste him, feel him like I never imagined I would. It is something entirely new, and it is more right than what I've felt in what seems like forever.

There really are bells ringing outside.

Finally, we are free.

END

  A/N: And they lived happily ever after until the end of time or until more teen angst threatened to screw them up, or until the forces of darkness threatened to separate them, whichever comes first. Wow! This was really long! I found writing this a hell of a lot of fun.   Please comment!  Thanks for reading and see you next fanfic!