Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Misunderstandings ❯ Picking Up Broken Peices ( Chapter 4 )

A/N: Wow, I'm so late with this! Sorry I had to plan this chapter and got really bad plot bunnies. Now, on to the real show! Here it is!

 

 

 

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Misunderstandings

 

By: Hinoto Nobukaze

 

Chapter 4: Picking Up Broken Pieces

 

 

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It's just a little after school, and I've just seen my friend Junmei off to a first date with her crush. Leaving the room, I make my way down a shadowy hallway in the building. It's long enough after classes that no one should be around, but at the other end of the corridor, a slender guy, probably in my class, is leaning against a window, chin in his hand. Yes, I recognize him now: Nara Shikamaru, he's on the same squad as Ino and Chouji.

 

Shikamaru, from what I've been able to get to know of him, is a nice and utterly lazy kid. His face is drawn downward into a sort of pensive frown as he is watching something through the window and I turn to see what it is, looking out of a window near me.

 

A game of lawn tennis is going on below, and of course my eyes immediately latch on to the tall, silver tressed man serving the birdie to a younger, blonde girl. Ino volleys it to the third member of the game, Naruto, perhaps for some reason the object of his team mate's frown. They are laughing and saying something about Naruto's being “in love” with someone and “changing my mind”. Kakashi is smiling, and it's the first time I've seen him do that in so long. It's so beautiful, and I hate Ino-chan and Naruto-kun at that moment for being the ones who can make him look like that.

 

He yells something to Ino playfully. “Can I…picture….for my dresser frame?” I pick up. Fire surges through me, and I feel my face fold itself into a jealous scowl. How dare you, I think at both of them, and I don't know why.

 

I never wanted to be the one that he loved. I never did. My lips start to tremble.

 

I never…

 

They happy little game is broken up by Couji. Chouji-kun seems to be telling them all something to the effect that he thinks they're all nuts.

 

They don't seem to mind.

 

Kakashi is still smiling. The sun is dancing around his spikes. He looks so free.

 

Why am I jealous?

 

I dig my fingernails into the hard windowsill. Why do I have to feel jealous of him? For him?

 

God, how can I figure out what Kakashi wants when I don't even know what I want?

 

Maybe…he's changed his mind.

 

“Something bothering you?” A young male voice whispered close to my ear, close enough I can feel breath on my neck. I pull away a bit from the presence behind me and turn toward him.

 

“Shikamaru-kun, you startled me,” I inform the other ninja. His eyes are wide but his mouth is in a rigid sort of smile: he's trying to look innocent, and yet conceal a smirk simultaneously. I can recognize it because I have three or fours years experience on him trying to do the same thing.

 

“You looked angry. It's not at Ino, is it?” Damn, he saw me frowning at them.

 

I shake my head. “No.”

 

“Naruto-kun?”

 

“He's annoying but no.” He continues to talk to me, joining me in looking out of the window. The sing-song tone of his voice indicates that he knew that's who it was from the start.

 

“What would you know?” Has Ino told him something? What has Kakashi told Ino?

 

He smiles, his deep dark eyes are glinting in the sun coming from the window. “I heard them talking about you.”

 

“Me? Who?”

 

“Kakashi-sensei, Naruto-kun and Ino-chan.”

 

I'm not interested. I'm not interested. I'm not interested… “Oh?”

 

“Do you want to know what they said?”

 

Yes, of course I do. But I have no reason to bleed my fears all over this gossiping ninja. “Was it something bad?”

 

“Do you consider love bad?”

 

I shrug. “It depends.” I can't think of anything else to say, I'm trying too hard to will my heart to stop beating so fast. I feel dizzy.

 

“Do you think that he perhaps…has feelings for you?”

 

“Kakashi-sensei doesn't feel at all,” I spit, still glaring out the window. I know it's wrong, but it feels good to say it. “I don't know if he has feelings.” I look at him. “Why is it any of your business anyway?”

 

He backs a little away from me, though shrugs nonchalantly. “Call it friendly interest.” He cocks his head over to one side. “Call it…I feel jealous of that group too.”

 

I stare out the window. Naruto and Kakashi have disappeared behind some trees. Chouji says something to Ino and looks very please with himself-though somehow manages actually not to be smug. He's a rare one, that Chouji.

 

I can feel Shikamaru awaiting my response. There's no reason I should give in to this…Little psychopath. Okay, that's harsh but I did hear things about him…

 

But then, what harm could it do? He could spread rumors about me. Big deal; vicious rumors have circled around me ever since Sasuke's breakup with me. Heck, maybe everyone thinks I'm a psychopathic slut too.

 

Who knows, maybe he could understand? The idea of confession feels good though. Maybe it would work better if I did it with someone who was actually there.

 

“I'm haunted, Shikamaru-kun.” Oh that sounds cheesy. Oh well.

 

“Oh?” His voice rises, hoping for some juicy intrigue.

 

“I'm haunted by my past. Kakashi-sensei haunts me…and my self haunts me…what I used to be, everything that's made me hates me, haunts me.” I sigh and allow silence to fill a few breaths. “I've known Kakashi-sensei so long it's like he's a part of me, and yet I have no idea who he is at all. His ghost hovers over my mind, reminding me of all the wonderful things he's done for me and accusing me of the horrible things I've done. But no matter how hard I try, how hard I try to separate us in real life; it just gets worse in my dreams…”

 

“There are some bonds people can't break, no matter how hard you try,” Shikamaru-kun said his voice suddenly soft.

 

“So what do you do when you can't stand to be attached anymore?”

 

He simply shrugs. “I don't know.” He pauses and adds. “Do you really want to be detached from him?”

 

I reach down into myself and pull out the honest answer. “No.”

 

He leans his hands on his chin, apparently thinking. His face is quite serious now. “Maybe you should find a different way to be attached.”

 

I shrug. “Yeah, sure, that's easy.”

 

He shrugs. “Maybe I should try to find another way to be attached to Ino.”

 

I nod. “Maybe.” It's nice that someone sort of understands, although…”It's a little different, I mean…You love Ino, not…”

 

“Are you saying that your feelings for Kakashi-sensei are more then studently?”

 

Heat rushes to my face. “What? What the hell are you saying?”

 

“You're blushing,” He says, smiling, eyes glittering with mischief. His serious mode gone as quickly as it came.

 

I don't need to take this. I turn and start to walk away. Damn it! I was actually starting to feel better.

 

“Sakura-chan!” He calls out to me, and I turn back around, mostly because I'm surprised by his sudden choice of address. “What he said was…”Why can't I be free with my feelings?” Sounds like he wants to be free too…But maybe not in the way you think.”

 

:::

 

The battle is intense. The ringing of weapons sound like funerary bells. Or wedding bells?

 

The ninja's sword scrapes my hand. I pull away, circling around the other side of the arena. The man watches impassively as usual, I near him, and I hear a concerned whisper behind me. “Be careful.”

 

My opponent catches the brief interchange, and his sneer twists more deeply into an infuriated snarl. “No!” he cries. “She's MINE!”

 

He lunges toward me, fast, a blur of white and black. I turn to face him. If he succeeds, he'll stab us both. And there's no reason for this innocent man to be suffering this fight any longer. I thrust my sword, just flicking my opponent's blade away from my heart at the last moment.

 

The ninja stares at me in disbelief. “I-Impossible…” The sword suddenly refuses to cooperate with his hand.

 

“You're weak!” I accuse my opponent. “You can't destroy us both!”

 

His eyes widen in fear, and the sword he holds clatters to the ground. “Do it then, get it over with. I'm weak. You can destroy me.”

 

All of his bravado gone, he's trembling like a captured bird. He is not wearing his ANBU attire any more, but his ordinary teaching attire. He is a scared man, and that's all he ever was-desperately masking his fear with the power he got from someone else's attire and weaponry. The thrill of victory rushes over me, and I grin, poking the tip of the sword just a little into his chin…and then I notice I'm in my ninja attire. The sword in my hand looks just like Kakashi….

 

No.

 

“No!”

 

I force myself to turn, a pivot that takes about a hundred years, and with aching arms I hold the sword out to the man behind me. “This is yours.”

 

He frowns a mechanical frown behind his mask. “Why? I am yours.”

 

“No. I cannot fight with someone else's sword. You have to…you have to let me fight by myself,” I insist. I hold it out to him again.

 

He reaches out, but at the last moment, his hand falters and the blade falls from both of our grips. As it falls, point first, it precisely strikes his leg wrapping, unraveling them and he and the sword fall away into the blackness below.

 

“You idiot!” I scream behind me. “How are we going to get a miracle without him?” I turn around. He is on his knees, shaking, head in his hands sorrowful.

 

I walk toward him and reach out and puck lone rose from the ground, handing it to him. “Kakashi-sensei, believe in miracles…”

 

The entire arena crumbles, and we slip…

 

Into consciousness.

 

I feel warm and cold all at once. My heart is pounding. Did I do it? Did it work? Will he come back? Will Kakashi be ok? But why was there two Kakashi? What happened to both of them?

 

Well, not that I'd be the one to find out. But somehow, I reached out to it, just for a moment, before I awakened.

 

That makes no sense. I shake my head, waking up more. I'm shaking. Even as the vivid images from the dream wear off, all of the fear, love and joy I felt still swim through me.

 

I know I'm not going back to sleep for awhile. I'm almost afraid to, in case I have the dream again and learn my victory was simply a ruse.

 

Yet a warm spot in my heart promises that won't happen again. My mind is less easily convinced.

 

Time for another walk.

 

The air is much warmer that the last time I did this, and wetter. It smells green; the ground is soggy and sloppily snuggles my feet as I trudge through it. Apparently a thunderstorm has come and passed by, cleansing everything of its tense, heavy atmosphere.

 

I am starting to feel good, up until the point I reach the fountain, because he is there again.

 

And he looks utterly miserable. His dark eye is searching the water of the fountain for an answer that he can't find. His shoulders are slumped. He looks…weak…and every person I have ever been, the innocent child, the inadequate adolescent, the jealous misfit, the selfish friend, the confused and determined kunoichi…all shout that Kakashi should not feel weak and that it's my turn to do something about it.

 

What, I don't know yet.

 

Part of me observes I should feel happy that he looks so miserable. The more horrible thought is the idea that I don't feel happy because I don't think I caused the misery. I close my eyes and a mental rose to those ugly voices in the back of my mind. You won't get the better of me this time. It's my turn to be the strong one.

 

I will not have him walk away from me again, but I won't hurt him again either.

 

Not…the feeling thought rises like a welcome explosion through my brain…not while he needs me.

 

He needs me.

 

I don't think anyone in the world has ever needed me before.

 

He looks up startled, when I sit beside him-he didn't even notice my approach.

 

“Sakura…” Is all he says. His visible eye is wide. Sad? Frightened? The mask is actually down, but it's still hard to read him.

 

“What's wrong, Kakashi-sensei?”

 

He blinks at me for a few minutes, his lips pursing, then opening slightly like he's about to speak, then pursing again. He looks down at the waters of the fountain. “Ino…Ino…Was taken to the hospital.” He speaks very quiet, controlled, but I can hear his voice, the pressure of his emotions threatening to detonate his cool.

 

“My god!” That's two people now I once thought invincible proven otherwise.

 

“Someone stabbed her, completely ran her through- Sakura.” He said, his voice wavering just a little more. “It's hard to tell- as a ninja…as someone experienced with a sword…I think someone stabbed her in the back.”

 

I realized Kakashi must have found her, or was at least one of the people who found her. I try to imagine Ino-chan, the spunky girl, always fiercely defending people-I mean, she's been up against a lot, and Kakashi-sensei, not to mention all these ninja in Konoha- crumpled down to the ground like a rag doll, bleeding and Kakashi finding his friend in that state. Kakashi…who despite all his coldness and his pride…does care…

 

Kakashi clenches his fists, but then starts to laugh, a desperate, wounded laugh. “But she wasn't dead.” He bites his lip. “So what the hell does that mean? Did she win or lose? If she dies, doe that mean that she didn't get what she wanted? Or did she?” He hits the edge of the fountain with his fist. The garden lights are enough to show that he's struck the cement hard enough to lacerate his hand.

 

“Beating yourself up isn't going to help, Kakashi-sensei.”

 

“What the hell can I do?!” He shouts, and I involuntarily shoot back from his fire. He sees me back away from him, and stops saying whatever it is he's about to say. “S-Sakura…” He looks down and shakes his head. “Why am I telling you this?”

 

“Because you wouldn't let anyone else see you like this. I've already seen you angry and sad often enough, even if it's been a while. And you need…to talk to someone, Kakashi-sensei.”

 

He blinks at me, and seems about to retort something and then visibly slumps again. He knows I'm right. I hope I'm right.

 

I move back towards him.

 

“She's not dead yet, Kakashi-sensei. So don't kill her off in your mind before her time comes. Ino-chan is strong. In body and heart, she's strong. So you just have to believe-“

 

“There are no such things as miracles!” He turns and shouts-no, more like snarls. The mask is off, and there is more pain then I ever wanted to see in that gorgeous eye.

 

Did finding Ino do that to him?

 

Or did I?

 

He is breathing a bit rapidly, anger and anguish and fear bleeding off from him in the form of trembling heat. His jaw is clenched. The “canine” as some people call him, has come out, trying to protect him. I should be frightened, but suddenly I'm not.

 

Because this isn't some canined ice king. This is Kakashi-sensei, with the sad, lonely eye that I can trust forever and ever.

 

At that moment, I can only think of one thing to do. Had I thought of it yesterday, it would have frightened me. Had I thought of it a month ago, it would have repulsed me. Had I thought of it a year ago, it would have seemed an impossibility. Had I thought of it 10 years ago, it would be the most natural and easy thing in the world to do.

 

Now it's hard…and the only thing I can do. Part of me reminds me he may well throw me across the ground if I do it.

 

I scoot close to him and reach around his shoulders and give him a hug.

 

He tenses, of course. He starts to pull away for a minute and I try to hold on, and then he pushes himself forward and let's himself slide to the ground. Somehow, my hands are still on his shoulders.

 

This wouldn't work, of course, so I start to pull my arms away-

 

And then he leans his head against my side. I place one hand on the other side of his head, and he doesn't resist. I start to smooth his hair, the way people do, friends and lover and brother and sisters, when they are trying to comfort someone and don't know what do say.

 

“Why?” the question is barely breathed out of his mouth.

 

“Because you used to do it for me,” I tell him. “And because I think, if I really needed it, you'd do it for me again.”

 

Under my hands, I can feel he's shaking a little. Probably, I think if I were one in his position, somehow I'd be crying my eyes out. But Kakashi never cries. I stroke his hair a bit. It's slightly damp, either from rain or a shower.

 

He lets out a deep breath and says quietly. “I don't understand you, Sakura.”

 

“That makes two of us. I don't understand me at all.”

 

His shoulders abruptly go up and down, perhaps in imitation of a laugh. We sit, not speaking for a few minutes. The air is filled with Kakashi's pain and my nervousness, but it still feels less tense than it has been with him for ages.

 

“God, I'm so selfish.” He suddenly says.

 

“Why?”

 

“Ino is in the hospital and I'm thinking about you and I.”

 

I'm not quite sure what I should say to this. I remember what Shikamaru told me earlier today, but that's…that's not what I'm worried about. For once. In fact, that whole scene I completely forgot until now. The only frustration that comes is from trying to think of something to say. “What would Ino want you to be thinking about?”

 

“I…” he looks up at me and then down again, and starts to laugh without much sound. He shook his head. “She always yelled at me…when I tried to ignore you.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“She reminded me…how important friendship was.”

 

And I didn't? Pride asserts. Shut up, I tell it. I destroyed our friendship, Guilt says. Shut up, I tell it. I'm here now.

 

“Ino…struck me as the kind of person who is a good friend, or at least she is to me. She was the first person to show me kindness.” I tell him. “I was jealous of her…when I saw her make you smile. I miss being able to do it.”

 

“Why'd you try so hard to hurt me then?” His voice thins to a whisper.

 

I shift myself off the edge of the fountain and join him on the ground. He lets me slide my arm around so I can wrap it around his shoulder.

 

I laugh. “Because I hate you, Kakashi-sensei. I hate that you're so much better then me and that compared to you, I am nothing. The only thing that mad me something was you and mostly because I'm afraid of you…afraid somehow I'll fall apart when I'm around you…”

 

“Do you know how ridiculous that is?”

 

I shrug. “Maybe. Do you know how ridiculous we've both been to each other?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Maybe we should try stopping.”

 

“And then what?”

 

I shrug. “I haven't gotten that far yet.”

 

A few more moments of silence, as I pray to the gods and stars and the fountain and Sasuke-sempai and miracles to come up with the right thing to say. “You know what?” I ask him.

 

“What?”

 

“Ino is going to make it.”

 

“Why??”

 

“Because she was fighting for her friend right? Chouji-kun?”

 

“How'd you know that?”

 

I shake my head. “I just remember…her looking very protective when she fought, I guess.”

 

Kakashi nods. “Yes, she was fighting for him.”

 

“And friendship makes you strong. Ino is very strong, Kakashi-sensei. I think she'll make it.”

 

“Then why did she get hurt at all?”

 

“I didn't say it made you invincible,” I say, maybe too defensively. “She is human, after all. But…” I shake my head. This is going nowhere fast. “I don't know, Kakashi-sensei. I just don't know. I just don't think you should confine Ino-chan to a coffin before her time has come.”

 

“I just wish I could do something, but…I guess, it's still her fight.”

 

“Just believe in her, Kakashi-sensei. You have to believe. Sometimes…That's all you can do.”

 

“I guess so,” he says. He turns his head and looks at me. His eye is wide. By a small miracle, the mask is still gone. I see the man I loved years ago in childhood and a young man I'm only just getting started to know. His eyes lock with mine, and my heart jumps to warp speed.

 

He closes his eyes and pulls away from me. His fists clench. “I don't know if we can be friends, Sakura. “ He mutters, not looking at me.

 

“We have to become friends before we can be anything else,” I say, words falling out of my mouth before I think about what they mean.

 

He sits there, eyes closed, not looking at me.

 

“Come on, Kakashi-sensei, do you think if we get close again, the world is going to end?”

 

Suddenly, he starts to laugh. I mean, really laugh. Almost hysterical…well, for Kakashi at least. I mean, he's someone who usually lets out a brief chuckle responding to the height of hilarity. After a few moments of weird laughter, he looks at me, visible eye glassy and says, “You know Sakura, I think it already has.”

 

 

To Be Continued…

 

A/N: Wow that was long. One more chapter left! Please stick with me and tell me what you think! The last chapter will come soon! I promise!

 

Oh and as to the dream.  ANBU Kakashi was the one attacking and normal Kakashi was the "man watching".