Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Misunderstandings ❯ A Bird in the Hand... ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

�But one thing you don�t know about him or me, you don�t know how much we�we loved each other during the end of our relationship. A different love � a friend�s love. Does that love die or does it grow?�

Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.01.2006 | Updated On: 01.03.2006 | Pages: 7 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 418 | Status: Work In Progress

A/N: Here I am with chapter 3. Sorry for the wait. Thanks for all of your reviews! I'm glad that so many love this. I have two more chapters after this, but I'm having a blast with it.

Misunderstandings

By: Hinoto Nobukaze

Chapter 3: A Bird in the Hand…

He occupies my thoughts a lot lately, even more then Sasuke-sempai, despite the fact that at the time, he hurt me worse, and how I still felt awful when he left me.

He did use me, but I guess I used him too…I needed someone to care for me, protect me, because I thought Kakashi-sensei never would. He came when I thought I was all alone, because I lost Kakashi-sensei.

Which brings us back to the fact that it was all about Kakashi-sensei all along.

I don't know why I can't let go of him. It's obvious he's trying to let go of me.

But he's trying to let go of me because I betrayed him. Because I tried to betray him. I destroyed what we had. I pushed him away.

And now, like a child that's lost and broken something due to her own negligence, I want him back.

The irony on top of that is, of course, that I did it all to prove I could be strong without him. Independent.

The cold spell that hit the area hasn't lifted yet, and I wish I had worn a jacket. This red ninja outfit does little to hold off the wind, which bites into me and laughs.

I had to get off from my house a while. Not that one can really leave home just like that…but I can wander far enough away to enjoy the more lively comforts of the woods. Half-naked trees which wave their arms around above the bushes, as if to protect them without actually touching them.

“I wish I could say I've come here just to talk about you,” I say to a certain name carved within the depths of the tree trunk. “But I really came to talk about Kakashi-sensei too.”

The carving doesn't answer me. It's sort of like talking to the real Sasuke.

“I did want to say that I am sorry for using you, or trying to use you, anyway. You have to understand, every girl when they are little, have their hopes for some gallant prince on a white horse to take them away from the horrors of the world and protect them forever, and I really wanted you to be my prince, wielding your shining sword. You were strong, confident, and protective, and the best student in our class. And…you were…so hot. And safe.” I pause as if waiting for an answer. The wind blows my hair into my eyes. “My mistake for thinking you were trustworthy because you were all those other things. My mistake for trying to make you stand in my childhood prince. I wanted the miracle power and I'm sorry.”

“I know you're not sorry for what you did to me, but that's okay, because you're with someone else and people who are away don't change.”

I begin to pace, to keep myself warm.

“You probably don't believe me, but I want to change, I really do. But…I guess, I still want the same things. I mean…not the prince thing. That's just…naïve. I want to be happy. Is that so wrong? Is it really awful and selfish to just want to be happy? And the last time I was really happy was when I was with Kakashi-sensei.”

“But it freaks me out, honestly. Did you know his true feelings for me? How did it play a part in your quest to hurt me? But what would you…”

I trail off, as a thought hits me, and I start to laugh.

“Were you jealous of me, sempai?” I ask the carving. I shake my head. “No, that's silly. Even if Kakashi-sensei loved me once…I don't know. They said, they said you two had a fight before you left. Some people said there was something going on between us and quite frankly, even though what Kakashi-sensei mightfeel or have felt for me is disturbing - that's just…I mean, everyone always tells you it's not right. But what's really not right is the fact of some tricky liar like you being friends with him absolutely disgusts me. So I hope Kakashi-sensei had the sense not to succumb to your charms. Kakashi-sensei is much smarter then I am.”

“But then, I'm also a liar too, right? So why would Kakashi-sensei care? Why does he care, and then avoid me, that's what I want to know.” I shrug. “Maybe he likes liars, I don't know.”

I point at the tree accusatorily, still needing to lecture the carving on its mistakes. “But one thing you don't know about him or me, you don't know how much we…we loved each other during the end of our relationship. A different love - a friend's love. Does that love die or does it grow?” Two trees drop their leaves, and they flutter across the carving as a tribute, different types. “You don't know him, and you don't know me. Kakashi-sensei was the best thing that ever happened to me. And what really sucks is…”

Tears sting my eyes and I act as if it's the wind, even though there is no one else to see me. “What really sucks is the fact that he is still the best thing that ever happened to me…and I hate him.” I fall to my knees. I can't pretend not to cry anymore. “I hate him, sempai…”

^ ^ ^

I am facing off against him once again. He gloats about his skills; he is convinced he will win. I am determined that I will defeat him. I will not be weak.

With a shout, we jump and lunge at each other. My eyes zero in on his chest, I point the sword, and with a lurch against my hand, I feel the blade plunge with a sharp, soft crunch, into the flesh and through his skin.

The problem is, the ninja has done the exact same thing to me.

Another lunch by myself. I sit up against a tree, staring at its twisted roots coming out from under me. A leaf flits and flutters ever so delicately down to land on my bento box, next to half-eaten salad.

My eyes scan the area. Groups of ninja sit and chatter about nothing, groups of boys poke at each other and brag. Over in the corner, a flash of green, orange and silver stand out against the ordinary dark colors. Naruto is standing over a seated Kakashi, saying something with a malicious grin and then leaving. Even though he is the one erect, Kakashi still seems taller.

He is alone.

Maybe he likes being alone. I'm sure he prefers it to most people's company. My company?

This thought stirs my pride and anger and it's time to face him again, and yet… At the same time, a memory fades into my mind's eye.

A man, wearing a hitai-ate over one eye that would look weird on anyone but him. He could carry just about anything with grace. Sitting by himself, because although as a ninja was respected, he was also untouchable. And me, who didn't know any better, went over, sat down right next time him, and asked him why he looked so sad.

“I'm not sad,” he said defiantly.

“You looked sad,” I said. A moment of silence. “I'm lonely,” I admitted to him freely, because I knew immediately by looking at those sad dark eyes, wide as the horizon, that I could trust him forever and ever. “Would you like to be friends?”

“Why do you look so sad?” I ask him as I sit down next to him.

“I'm not sad.” He replied, staring, stubbornly at his food. I think he's trying to let his bangs shadow his face, but his short spikes are too well-trained to fall, and I can see the sea of black in them nonetheless.

“You looked sad.” I scrutinize his pensive frown and start to laugh, which makes him look at me, startled. “You haven't changed at all, Kakashi-sensei.”

He doesn't really know what to say to this, I guess, so he looks at my bento. “There's a leaf in your lunch,” He observes.

“Pretty, isn't it?” This is a new game.

He sighs, and he actually looks at me. “What do you want, Sakura?”

I sigh in imitation of him. “I don't know, Kakashi-sensei. I want a lot of things. I want the usual things, I guess, friends, someone to love, my mother to fall off of someplace high - (but not too high) - A successful career, and a more interesting lunch then this one.” I feel the venom suddenly summon itself to my teeth. “I'd also like you to get off your high horse for once.”

“Do you just do this to torture me?”

I gave him a weird look. “Do what?”

“Play innocent one minute and cruel the next.”

“Cruelty is usually a component to torture,” I agree. “But innocence?”

He closes his eye and lets out a strange sort of choked laugh. “You have no idea.”

We sit silent for a moment, not really moving. The wind blows the leaf out of my lunch box.

“To answer your question, Kakashi-sensei, I don't know.”

“Hmm?”

“I don't know what I want. I want to understand…” I start to say, but I can't finish. I can't hear my thoughts for the pounding in my ears; the idea of telling him all that's on my mind is so overwhelming. The idea that this time he might listen.

More silence. I hope someone else wants to talk to me and I pray this moment lasts so we can finish it.

He tries to end it instead. “I have to go,” He says and stands up.

He's about to walk away and the idea of Kakashi-sensei leaving me once again, having gone nowhere, launches me upward. I grab his wrist, choosing at random one question of the many questions I have wanted to ask him. “Why did you stop carrying that letter?”

He looks at me, and then away. His eyes are hard, cold jewels again, but I see a ripple behind them that is something else. He doesn't try to move.

“It blew out of my hand and got wet, causing the kanji to smear.” He answers quietly. “So, I threw it away.”

I blink.

I was in love with you. Was?

He tries to pull away and I pull back. “So…if you hadn't have got it wet?”

“I wouldn't have had to write another one.” After his initial tension, he has managed to pull the mask all the way on and remain perfectly calm. It's driving me up the wall, because of course; once again he's answered my questions without answering anything at all.

“But…You don't have it.”

“I can't decide what to write about.” He's almost smiling.

Damn him! Damn him! Damn him!! Who is torturing who? Fire runs through me. I want to hit him, grab his face, make him look at me and say it.

He tries to pull away again, slips away, but I manage to regain hold, this time of his hand.

The touch, palm to palm, flesh to flesh, triggers a flesh. My heart seems to stop a moment. A million memories of him pulling away and telling me in strained tones that he hoped I'd be happy with him, doors slamming, swords flying out of chests, and the words, “I was in love with you,” Over and over again.

He turned his head, granting my wish of looking at me in the eye, and I wish he'd never done it. His visible eye is wide, the light playing with the dark colors, pulling me into their depths. They looked like they did that one night, almost in tears…

God damn him, he's so beautiful…

And then as if Medusa had stared at him, his face turns to stone. He rips his hand away, and with it the fear and warmth that the touch brought.

“I have to report back to the Hokage.”

He walks away quickly.

I've got to understand why he does this dance with me. Why I am doing it with him? One step forward, two back and for that, I've got to find a way to keep him from running away from me. Even if I could get in the same space with him, some place neutral. Nothing to do with anything. Make him endure my presence long enough that he might come to find it al least vaguely tolerable.

And then I can find a way to talk to him, and get this sorted out once and for all. We can become friends, we can become strangers, but we can't drift in this twilight forever. I can't imagine he enjoys it any more then I do.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Another breathless voice sounds out behind me, and then a blonde haired male, about my age zooms past out of nowhere, running after Kakashi-sensei. “Kakashi-sensei, I need to talk to you about the next training day…”

He catches up with him and they disappear down one of the walkways crisscrossing the ground.

That's it!

I spend half of the afternoon trying to find him. Finally, out of breath from running around the ninja academy, I pause to look inside of the Hokage's room, where I hear humming, to distinct to be none other then Naruto-kun. It's a familiar tune, kind of lighthearted, not the usual sad, dreamy tune that he hums when alone. I carefully peek in.

He cuts off abruptly. “That's all I have so far.”

“I like it,” Kakashi-sensei replies. “Although it's a little too…perky in parts.”

“She's a little too perky,” He laughs, but asserts. “And this song is going to be about her.” Though I've usually seen him deter to her on most things, this is his song, and he usually gets defensive about things anyway when they are threatened - it is Naruto we're talking about here. I wonder who he's talking about? I somehow had gathered he had a crush on Hinata-san, and she's not perky at all.

“I guess so. I think you could tone down that one part though.”

“She's not toned down! Look, do you want me to hum the Hatake Kakashi Song instead? Here we go…” He begins to hum a slow, gloomy tune that sounds as if it's intended to intone doomsday. I see his shoulders go up and down, he's trying not to laugh.”

My god, Kakashi-sensei laughing at himself. Isn't that the first sign of the Apocalypse? I bite back my own laugh, clapping my hand over my mouth, although I am too slow to hold myself back. They both turn at me. Kakashi-sensei immediately dons the mask.

Bravery. Must summon bravery.

“Sorry to bother you,” I say, giving them a little smile. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Kakashi-sensei? I could lea-“

“No, both of you actually. Well, I might as well since you're both here. I know it's getting on in the year, but…I've been thinking. I've been thinking about my position and…” I take a breath, praying for coherency. I focus my will. “I want to train with you guys.” I let a little smile of triumph cross my face, just for having the guts to ask.

Kakashi-sensei's eyes widen, although otherwise he forces his face to remain passive.

Naruto-kun has no trouble looking surprised. “What?”

I nod. “I saw how much stronger you've all became. I've been told I have a lot of potential.” I manage another smile, hopefully self-depriving. “I'm not sure if that's true, or if the person who told me was just trying to flatter me, but I want to do this.” And that is the truth- it's quite a release, actually. You can “attack” someone all you want and you can never actually hurt them. You can engage in heart-pounding, fast-paced action with someone that shakes hands afterward and go out for a sandwich together.

All this…and if I can prove I belong on the Squad, Kakashi-sensei's too much of a professional not to let me join. Meaning there's at least one place he can't run away from me. I know I'll have to endure Kakashi-sensei defeating me on a regular basis, but maybe it will give me the time and insight I need to learn to get past his other defenses.

Besides, I've always liked watching him train.

“Fine,” Kakashi-sensei says. I think I detect a waver in his half frozen voice. “We'll see what you can do.”

“When?”

He looks down at Naruto-kun. “Why not now?”

Naruto-kun looks up at Kakashi-sensei. “Sure, why not?”

Kakashi-sensei gives me the usual nod and smile. “Prepare yourself. Grab your weapons and come to the woods. See you in a few minutes?”

My god, I think there's a slight chance this might work. “Sure.”

Naruto-kun and Kakashi-sensei wait for me in those woods. God, so much has happened in those woods in my life over the years, so many wonderful and horrible things. I remember once handing Kakashi-sensei a flower to reward him for winning a sparring match with Naruto and Sasuke. “You should really learn to believe in miracles.” I told him, repeating something he's once said to me when I was younger, so long ago he'd probably forgotten. I remember at that moment wanting nothing more than for him to be happy. It was just before all my stupidity began.

Believe in miracles, and they will know all.

I am believing as hard as I can. If I can impress Kakashi-sensei…That's what it'll take.

After getting ready,I am put through a gauntlet of lunges and jabs from Kakashi and Naruto, each while the other one watches. It's been a while, and I try to remember what I've been taught, and what I've learned from watching you all on missions over the years, Kakashi-sensei, Gai-sensei, Asuma-sensei…all while trying not to think too hard…Tsunade-hime taught me when I was in training to be a medic-nin.

“Trust in your instincts, your heart,” She said. “It knows what it needs to do. It will lead your hand correctly.”

Sometimes, I think, it's a shame we never worked out. But our hearts were, and are, and always will be somewhere else.

I drive my kunai knife towards him, flicking it past his blade toward his chest, aiming for the score…

He's faster. The tip of his kunai knife drives itself to let the tip pierce my shoulder just a breath before I strike him. “Got you.” I announce for what seems to be the millionth time in the last few minutes.

Kakashi-sensei stands erect, shaking loose those spikes. “You're right, Sakura,” He says. “Lesson number one: don't be so set on your offensive that you forget yourself.”

To Be Continued…

Notes: This is TV Sakura. She doesn't see people who left her, she just talks to the carving because she didn't want to face Sasuke himself.

A/N: Hope you liked. Sorry if you thought I was dead. I've been gone for a while. I'm working on something for my friend Melissa Norvell, who's been going through some hard times.

She writes a great fanfic called Lessons in Shinobi Loveand I defiantlyrecommend it for any KakaSaku fan!

Please review me!