Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Misunderstandings ❯ Impossible Dreams ( Chapter 2 )

A/N: Thank you for your kind reviews on my story. You all are the best. I'm glad I got everyone in character, and I can't wait to read your commentary on this chapter. So, please enjoy, and thank you, Oneesan no Miroku Houshi for promoting me.

 

 

 

 

Misunderstandings

 

Chapter 2: Impossible Dream

 

 

 

The jounin smiles at me with a shroud of mystery surrounding his masked face. He points his kunai knife at me in a mock salute. “I will destroy the power of love.”

 

Vaguely standing between us is the image of a man in a blue shirt, eyes glimmering with malice and cold. His eyes are black, I think, and frozen in time.

 

The ninja lunges, and my weapons never moves fast enough, his blade always avoiding my parry, and I see leaves fly before me. The force of his stroke knocks me over, and with the sound of metal clattering, I make contact with the ground. I can see the Copy Ninja walk over, turning before his victim on the ground, he saunters over to me.

 

The jounin places the point of his kunai knife at my chest, and I know he is preparing to thrust, pausing only long enough for me to see his eye gleaming with bitter contempt. It is the coldest, cruelest eye I have ever seen.

 

It is my own.

 

“Following this theory, the antagonist in a nightmare represents the dreamer's own fears and repressed desires. Some believe this figure, commonly known as the Shadow, is the self-destructive aspect of the dreamer's psyche. However, this is not necessarily the case. Krakowsky explains that the Shadow tries to force the dreamer to face his or her unrealized urges or needs, which can ultimately prove helpful to the dreamer when trying to understand oneself-Isn't that interesting, Sakura?” Iruka-sensei asks, raising a dark eyebrow at me as he sees the puzzled look on my face at showing me the interesting fact.

 

“I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, but if your shadow is trying to kill you, I don't see how that's helpful.”

 

Iruka-sensei gives me a patronizingly patient smile. “If a Shadow is `trying to kill you' it's more likely it is trying to `kill' something within you that you are afraid of, or something that you dislike within yourself. If you come to terms with your fear, the Shadow may cease haunting you. Often times, you can begin doing this within the dreamscape itself. People who dream they are being chased force themselves to turn around and see what they are running from.” He smiles. “The book also states that often they see nothing at all. But regardless of what they see, the courage you gain from facing your Shadow you may use to harness when facing your fears in the conscious world. However,” The ninja adds, “killing your Shadow outright does not often help. That is, according to this theory, an act of repressing the fear your Shadow represents, and your Shadow will eventually reappear in a different form.” The sensei closes the psychology book. “If you'd like, you can borrow the book to read up some more on it.” He finishes his speech.

 

Naruto, who was standing beside me, whispers to me as I stand up and pack some kunai knives into my holster. “That dream book is pretty weird, don't you think?”

 

“Mmm,” I agree. “Though it's interesting, at least. Not like the other boring book he was reading and giving me a summary of last month.”

 

Naruto comes to stand next to me as we start to leave the building. He's a boy about my height (but who isn't?) with straight blonde hair and unremarkable blue eyes, and he's one of the few people who decided I'm still cool enough to hang out with after my humiliating break up with Sasuke-sempai. He leans closer to whisper to me. “Why is Kakashi-sensei staring at you?”

 

I glance over to the side of the room, where I see a brooding dark eye meet mine and quickly flicker forward. He walks out of the building ahead of us, silver spikes bouncing forcefully against his hitai-ate with his stride. I haven't spoken to him since my little torrent of insults last week, and of course, he would never willingly approach me.

 

“He's probably trying to scare me.” I shrug. “That's what Kakashi-sensei does, or so they say.”

 

“Did you do something to piss him off?”

 

I shrug again. “I guess so.”

 

“I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.”

 

I raise an eyebrow at my companion, seeing his eyes follow The 3rd Hokage as he disappears into the crowded yard. “You know, I don't think Kakashi-sensei is as scary as everyone says he is. He's been mad at me a few times over the years, and he hasn't killed me yet.” I smile and look brave. I'm not sure I entirely believe myself.

 

“You're braver then I thought, Sakura.” Naruto raises an eyebrow at me like I'm insane (although at least he is smiling).

 

I laugh. “You really think so?” I look at the crowd of ninja ahead of us, trying to catch a glimpse of that silver hair. “Let's just hope I stay that way if I have to face him.”

 

He walks by outside as I am eating my lunch. I'm by myself today, because Naruto wants to go to the ramen shop with Iruka-sensei. Not that Naruto's particularly interesting conversation anyway - although I shouldn't think that. He is a nice (if weird) guy.

 

The sun is warm and the wind is cold. I can't taste my food much.

 

Nearby, proud footsteps wax and recede and then grow louder again.

 

Kakashi-sensei's been pacing around the yard during lunch. He carries a bento-box wrapped in a light blue cloth, loosely in his hand; as if he'd forgotten it's there. He does that thing when he talks to me: he walks a few steps in front of me, and then tilts his head downward and back toward me so I can just barely see his face when he speaks.

 

“Have you been sleeping well?” He's either taunting me, pretending to be concerned, or he really is concerned. He always does this, as soon as I'm certain I've done something to drive him away, he'll do something to show something approximating compassion of care. Perhaps it's simply in memory of our old friendship.

 

How do I answer him? Push him away? Pretend we're friends again?

 

“Do I look that bad?” I ask, wiping my face for fear that bits of Yakatori are clinging to it, wishing I could wipe away the circles under my eyes.

 

He allows himself to laugh briefly. “No…although you do seem tired. You mentioned to Iruka…”

 

“Everyone has nightmares sometimes, Kakashi-sensei.”

 

He barely nods. “True.”

 

I wonder what his nightmares are like. For a moment, I wonder if they are exactly the same as mine. A sudden image explodes in my mind: I'm standing over him, pulling a sword from his chest; the sword is a symbol of his heart, perhaps produced in the form of a weapon with chakra, he is in great pain. For a moment, the image/feeling seems more real then what I am actually seeing before me, and I shudder, trying to shake it off.

 

“Are you alright?” He turns his head a little more so I can see beyond his silken spikes, and he actually does look worried. He must have seen me tremble.

 

Hatake Kakashi, I don't think I will ever understand you.

 

“I'm fine.” Here I am, lying again. It's just a little meaningless lie, yet every time I lie now, I see Sasuke's face. It's a very good and very painful and frustrating deterrent. “With a good night's sleep, I should feel a little better.” At least I hope so.

 

“I hope so.” He says kindly and walks away.

 

The mixture of his concern and his avoidance of me only makes me angry.

 

Why, Kakashi? Why do you care?

 

Tonight, when he stabs her, the victim cries out in pain. I try to tell her to fight back, but no sound escapes my lips.

 

Yet, I wake myself, crying out.

 

I crawl out of bed. I'm wide awake, cold and sticky with sweat. I'm sick of these dreams, and I'm sick of not knowing what to do with them. I've started writing them down as one of Iruka-sensei's recommended books told me to, but all it seems to do is help me remember them more without helping me figure out what to do, how to change it. Iruka's book is educational analysis, not a self-help book, and has no answers on how to deal with specific dreams. It's just lots of general theories, none of which seem to quite apply to me. Sometimes the dreams seem more like memories than dreams, but, of course, I never fought a jounin by myself…

 

Have I?

 

I am afraid of so many things; I doubt I could ever stand up to my Shadow. Even then, what would I do? I'm not supposed to kill him?

 

But, what else do you do with a sword in your hand?

 

I grab my room key; it's on a long chain that I hang around my neck afterward, and the cold metal prickles against my skin. I shuffle out into the hallway. In my mind, I can hear my mother griping that I'm going somewhere in my pajamas with no shoes on, but who is going to see me at 3 a.m.? She'd only care for the propriety of the situation.

 

I wander outside, the sharp coolness of the air striking the fog over my brain, although weariness fights for dominance. I make my way toward a big fountain in the town. It's always lit, even at the dead of night.

 

I can hear the water from here; it's smooth and soothing, and maybe it will eventually talk me into going back to sleep.

 

It's not till I'm quite near the fountain that I realize someone is sitting not far away, alongside the granite statues that line the pool. The cold night is biting into my toes; maybe I should turn back.

 

He turns his head at my approach. The lights from the fountain bounce off of silver spikes. “Sakura…” The startled sound slides off of his lips.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't…I was just having trouble sleeping.” I hope that I am drowsy and drained enough from my dream, so that there is no energy inside of me that could allow me to tangle with him tonight. Just let me be here until I have the strength to move, and I will let you be here.

 

As I move to sit on the edge, I see him slowly relax as he lets out a deep breath. I look down at the waters and dip my index finger in them, drawing kanji in the water that slip away into nothing-ripples even as I glide my fingers off the surface. My name. Kakashi-sensei's name.

 

“Nightmares again?” He asks after a few minutes. I'm not really looking at him, and I don't think he's really looking at me. We let the falling waters carry our words back and forth to one another.

 

“My `Shadow' and I aren't getting along, “I say, recalling the term from Iruka's book.

 

“What's it like? Your Shadow?”

 

“He's a ninja. A jounin.” The silence between us electrifies. “He's not you,” I add to clarify.

 

“Mmm,” Kakashi-sensei says, unenlighteningly.

 

“What about you? Bad dreams?”

 

“Bad thoughts.”

 

“Mmm,” I reply. More water-filled silence passes. Of course, I want to know what they are, but I don't dare ask. There's a remote possibility that he'll tell me.

 

“Sakura?” His voice is softer then usual, and reminds me of when he was maybe 25. Five years ago. So much can happen in that time.

 

“Yes, Kakashi-sensei?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“For saying those things to me last week.”

 

“Why?” That caught me off guard. “I wasn't…I shouldn't have…”

 

“Because you spoke the truth. Your truth, anyway, and I realized, I hadn't thought much about your perspective; I just made a lot of assumptions…just like you assumed I hated you.”

 

There's strange sensation in my heart, sort of as if it's being wrung out to dry. I can't think of what to say, and my rationalizing side blames it on sleepiness, although my heart says there's more. The thought flashes through my mind: what other assumptions have I made that are wrong?

 

An accompanying flash: I once felt like I knew him more then anyone in the world. More then myself. Did I ever, really? Why don't I know him now?

 

Who are you, Kakashi-sensei?

 

After a few more moments of quiet, he speaks again. “One thing…I never…viewed you as an object.”

 

“Back then…I would have believed you.” Actually, I think I believe him now, because for some idiotic reason, I still trust him like I was younger.

 

Yet, part of me insists upon being suspicious of more. Because I don't understand what else he could feel for something like me. And I hate him for being so weak as to be weakened by me for any reason.

 

“And you don't now?”

 

“I don't know who you are, anymore, Kakashi-sensei. I don't know what to believe. Sometimes I think you've changed beyond recognition.” A brief, surprising laugh hmpfs itself out of my mouth. “ Sometimes I think you haven't changed at all.”

 

He responds with his own brief chuckle. “You know, Sakura…I think the same thing about you.”

 

I am speaking without thinking (again) because I am too tired to think. “Maybe we should try to get to know each other again.” The words flowed out of a bloom of hope that fades as soon as I finish speaking. Of course we can't get to know each other again.

 

I hear him stand, or rather the sound of his ninja clothing softly rubbing against his flesh as the fountain behind him. “Good night, Sakura.” He mutters in a low voice. I slowly turn my head to see his back receding into the shadows left by the moon. It seems that's all I ever see of him lately.

 

“Damn you,” I whisper to him, myself and the water's lullaby.

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

A/N: So sorry, I'm kind of mad at ff.net because I share a computer with another person who reviews fanfics and now ff.net has a flooding device where two people can't review from the same computer. It makes me mad because I can't review the same stories that I love. Anyway, please review, I'll be sooner on my updates.