Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Neji Over-Angsts Some More ❯ Depressing Poetry ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author: remuus
Disclaimer: Naruto ain't mine.
First posted on ff.net
 
What started out as a Neji angst story turned into a strange crack fic about angst. They said it couldn't be done… they were… right.
 
Gah, just read.
 
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Neji Over-Angsts Some More
 
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(Sasuke POV)
 
I'm walking slowly along the worn, dirt path, kicking stray pebbles, when I see him.
 
The tainted angel.
 
He leans against the chipped red railing contemplatively, over the cool water on that lonely bridge.
 
They say eyes are window to the soul, and all I can see when I glance into those blank, white eyes is fear, suffering, and self-hate.
 
He is a caged bird; trapped.
 
He seems to notice my presence, now, and as I see him turn to me, a flock of whit doves flies off into the air, as if deserting one of their own caged kind.
 
I walk steadily up to him, his beautiful blank eyes staring at me steadily, almost as if begging me for the freedom he so sorely craves.
 
"Neji..." I begin, "I've been er... uh... hearing some stuff about you angsting a bit..."
 
He looks mildly offended, but skeptically nods yes anyways.
 
"Well, in this town, you don't and CAN'T angst without expressed written consent by me or my associate, Uzumaki Naruto. We have to hear your story and determine whether it's angst-worthy or not."
 
He looks confused.
 
"Okay, look, I, Uchiha Sasuke, run the angsting around here, Okay? There's never a story that's sadder than mine, and never a dry eye in the house when I tell the tragic story of the loss of everything dear to me. I OWN the Konoha Angst, Okay? So I better not hear you telling anybody about your tortured past, or whatever, okay? Okay. Glad we got that settled. Oh, and don't even THINK of moving to Sand Village, Gaara is the King of Angst there."
 
Now he looks REALLY offended, but still says nothing.
 
Che, strong silent types, they're so overplayed.
 
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tell my story of tragic loss to the people at Burger Hut. I'm hungry and I left my wallet at home. Bye."
 
Oh yeah, I can SO tell he's going like, 'WTF?'
 
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(Neji POV)
 
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This has just been one God-awful day.
 
Seriously, it is possibly even worse than the day my father died.
 
...And if Sasuke can read my thoughts, um... forget that I thought that last thought.
 
SO ANYWAYS, I was leaning against the railing of my favorite angsting bridge (I say I go there to angst, but I really go there to think about where to eat tomorrow). I'm staring blankly at the water, but from the side, it looks like I'm furrowing my brows in deep angst mode. There's a cage of white doves behind me, ready to be let go at anytime by me, if anyone so happens to walk past me.
 
In other words, I was in full angst/symbolic rage and sadness mode at the time.
 
And Uchiha comes and RUINS IT ALL.
 
That bastard!!
 
He thinks he's ju-ust so great, all because his family and everybody and everything dear to him was destroyed by his brother; the only person he ever loved, admired, and looked up to!!
 
Never!
 
I would have chewed him out right then and there, but I had my image to protect. The 'Strong, Silent Type' is one of the hardest images to maintain, you know! There's plenty of times when I just want to yell to Lee, 'Shuddup!!' and smack him in the kisser, but I withhold my random urges of violence because of my image.
 
Well, Sasuke, oh-mighty-'King of Angst', you had better watch that brooding gaze of yours, because I shall overthrow you as Supreme Angst Overlord!!
 
...And here is where I would laugh in an evil and/or slightly crazed manner, but, of course, Gaara owns that shtick...
 
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The Next Day
 
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I hear my alarm clock ringing exactly at 6:00 a.m. I know this because I was already woke up, an hour before. Why didn't I turn it off before it rang, then? Because shut up.
 
And what exactly was I doing for that full hour before (cough-evil-cough) Hiashi and Hinata and the rest of the Main House stumble out of their king size feather beds into the kitchen, where I, we, the Branch house have to cook them pancakes and waffles and bacon and eggs and we ourselves get nothing but gruel and crumbs?!
 
I'm sure you forgot the question throughout that entirely too long interrogative, so I'll ask me that question again in the guise of you in shortened form; Why was I up so early?
 
Why, to think about new, more exciting ways to angst, of course!
 
...Stop looking at me like that.
 
And what have I come up with?
 
Depressing poetry.
 
Yes. Poetry. By Neji. Neji who is me. DEPRESSING poetry.
 
HOORAY!!
 
...I mean... damn... you all...
 
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A Few Hours Later
 
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So I'm sitting in front of my brand new laptop (If you steal it, I will kill you, you don't want to know what kind of murde- I mean, things... I had to do to get it...), and a blank notepad document is on my screen.
 
Curse you infernal blinking cursor! Curse you and your... BLINKING!!
 
...Okay, where should I start?
 
...Hm... Sad people often refer to the color black... I should put that somewhere...
 
OOH! And I could make some sort of simile about death being really... not... cool...
 
...EMPTINESS!! Angsty people write about emptiness, right?!
 
WHOO!! I am on a roll!
 
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A Half-Hour Later
 
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Okay, here's what I have:
 
'I feel sad.
The darkness is very hard to see in...
...Even with my Byakugan.
There is emptiness and shadows inside me...
It's like death.
Death, which swallows you and eats you and digests you in it's stomach,
And spits you out again for some reason.
There is much pain also.
Pain like someone poking you with...
Death.'
 
...Was that good?
 
I think I personified death as some sort of crocodile very nicely.
 
I hit the print button on the computer screen and sit back with my hands behind my head, eating a candy cigar.
 
Nice job, Neji.
 
Nice job.
 
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An Hour Later
 
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...Okay... How am I supposed to get this thing published...?
 
Without any financial backing, I can never become King of Angst!!
 
...Damn that last surviving Uchiha, therefore getting every other Uchiha's fortunes!!
 
...Sigh... So I'm walking around Konoha Square aimlessly, poem in hand when something hits me.
 
Literally, hits me. Smack in the face.
 
...Curse that blind spot, also...
 
I picked up the offending piece of paper, looked at it, and nearly shouted, 'Eureka!', which of course, had I actually shouted that, would have made my angsting status go down 14 points.
 
It was a flyer for a depressing poetry contest!!
 
With this, I shall beat Uchiha ONCE AND FOR ALL.
 
(Did I ever fight him before? I don't remember... Someone go back in the manga and check for me please...)
 
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The Day of the Poetry Contest
 
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"Welcome, fellow angsters, to the 12th annual Depressing Poetry Contest!!"
 
Okay, I may have exaggerated how the judge said that a bit. In actuality, he just kind of mumbled it into the microphone, and used fewer exclamation marks.
 
I, of course, was wearing my angsting beatnik costume. Beret and all. (Why I have this outfit, I have no idea). I almost considered bringing a set of bongos to play as I read, but I decided that snapping my fingers would be just as effective.
 
I was sitting at a small coffee table sipping a cafe latte when they announced the first contestant.
 
“UCHIHA SASUKE,” the judge mumbled.
 
I spit my cafe latte out and hit the guy in front of me.
 
Well, Sasuke, you want to play rough? Well, I shall out-angst you. I'll out-angst you all... I'LL OUT-ANGST YOU ALL!!
 
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Guh… Should I keep posting?
 
Read?
 
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