Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Of Sunsets and Scarecrows ❯ Ch 2: Uchiha Billy Bob, the male Mary-Sue ( Chapter 2 )

Of Sunsets and Scarecrows

CH.# 2: Uchiha Billy Bob, the male Mary Sue

Konichi wa! Well, it seems I've missed the deadline I set for myself yet again.... evil school! They expect us to stay after school for sports and clubs, but then they give us about four hours of homework. I think that it's all part of a plan to get rid of all our free time and then brainwash us into being their little slaves..... but that's just my lack of sanity speaking. And the writers block seems to have encircled my mind. Anyway, onto the fanfic! Please read and review!

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After five days, Kakashi found himself wishing that he had never agreed to the deal. Loss of dignity would have been nothing compared to what he was going through now. Now, he would gladly have let his two students (Sasuke's still missing, poor boy) laugh all they wanted. In fact, he would happily stand there and let all the Genins in the village point and laugh at him. You see, when he made the deal, there were several things that he had never considered.

1) You cannot read in the dark. He'd learned this only three days ago, when all of the power in his house has been shut off by the electric company. This meant no more reading his favorite book series right before bed.

2) That there would be even more Itcha Itcha Paradise books coming out. Apparently, Jiraiya had either found the perfect muse or had been very bored as of late. Not that knowing mattered. All that mattered was the fact that his wallet seemed to be shrinking very fast. And of course...

3) Kurenai was not being cheap. Instead of letting him buy ramen, she wanted to go to places that served the more expensive stuff, like Omelettes, pancakes with the good type of real maple syrup, and bacon. 'She must have had this whole thing planned out from the beginning.... probably jealous because my team is so much better then hers'. With a smug smile, Kakashi continued to walk towards the center of town, where he was supposed to have met Kurenai 15 minutes ago..

Suddenly, he heard a very disturbing sound. Off in the distance, it seemed as if hundreds of men were crying in defeat, as if their favorite football team had just lost the Super Bowl 74-0 after they had bet their life savings on their team winning. (They have tv's, so of course they can watch the Super Bowl if they want!) And that is, of course, not a very pleasant sound. Kakashi began to run, hurrying to the spot in order to see what was happening.

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Kurenai had been waiting for over ten minutes, and was getting rather annoyed. She wasn't a person who cared for waiting, and she seemed to be doing that quite a lot lately. And for some odd reason, all the women in the village seemed to be heading towards one area, and, judging by the screams, it sounded like N'SYNC or one of those other boy bands created by the Nether Worlds had decided to stop by and was throwing an impromptu concert. Curious, Kurenai decided to check it out.

What she saw amazed her and stunned her at the same time. It seemed as if every woman in the village was crowding around one person. Then she saw who, and why. In the middle of the crowd was the hottest man she had ever seen. His hair was as dark as a raven's, yet as White as snow. When looked at from one angle, it seemed sky blue, but from another it was a crimson red. Basically, it seemed to keep changing colors, with the man looking picture perfect every time.

From the look of his eyes, he had fully mastered the Sharingan years ago. He was the perfect height, not too tall, and he didn't have a single blemish on his perfect face. Then he spoke, and any doubts that anyone in the crowd had about the chances of this person being real completely vanished.

"Hello, citizens of Konoha. I am Uchiha Billy Bob, long lost cousin of Sasuke and Itachi, and I have come here to aid you all in your war against Orochimaru" Upon hearing his soft yet masculine voice, nearly one-third of the women in the crowd swooned and dropped unconscious to the ground. Suddenly, he turned to the side and looked Kurenai straight in the eye. The next thing she knew, he was running over to her side and grabbing her hands.

"I must know your name! You are simply the most beautiful kunoichi in this village, no the planet! I have traveled far and wide, and no other woman compares to you!" At this point, Kurenai could only stare in shock, while the other women glared. Although it was common to see weapons getting hurled around in the air every now and then, and to even see giant turtles and frogs simply walking around every now and then, things like this were very unusual and shocking. And slightly disturbing to the typical, off guard, unprepared person.

"Please, join me in my quest to rid this world of evil! We can ride off into the sunset, like

modern day heroes in a movie, serving justice and living famously. Then we can go back to my village, where I am the Ultrakage, and live happily ever after." Kurenai just stared, mouth nearly hitting the ground, metaphorically speaking. The glares increased threefold.

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Kakashi had questioned the men, and things didn't sound good. Apparently, nearly every single woman in the village was ogling over some guy near the center of town, including the married ones. And the men had given up all hope and were simply sitting there, crying or sulking Basically,.it didn't look good. What these men needed was a hero, a champion bishonin who could stop the evilness of the rare creature that had all of the women entranced. Kakashi, of course volunteered himself. The men stopped crying for a minute and cheered. Then, as typical men, they started placing bets, but Kakashi ignored that.

Yes, he would not lose. He was, after all, considered the hottest of the Jounin elite, not to mention the most well known and popular. No simple Mary Sue would beat him. Or so he naively thought...

While the men yelled and cheered, he once again started to walk towards the center of town, where it was suspiciously quiet now. It seemed rather odd since just a few minutes ago he had heard loud cheering and the screams of obsessive fan girls. He knew those screams quite well, and he also knew that they didn't just simply go away. Especially if the one who was the object of affection for the fangirls enjoyed the attention. Something very odd was definitely happening. Thinking of it reminded him of something Jiraiya had once told him.....

A younger (by about five years or so) Jiraiya was on one of the stools at a bar in one of the Mist country's larger villages, jotting down some ideas for a manga that he had in his head. Just then, a younger Kakashi, on a mission, happened to walk by. His eyes widened when he noticed the legendary sennin.

"Jiraiya-sama, what are you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh it's you! Well..." he paused to drink some more sake.... "It's top secret, but I guess that I can tell you. Consider it a congratulations gift for having copied 269 Jutsus so far."

"It's 372"

For some unknown reason, Kakashi was remembering these things and had absolutely no clue why. He knew that he had gotten just a little drunk and had spent a few hours talking to Jiraiya. Most of it was a little blurry, though. As he walked, he continued trying to fish those memories out of the back of his mind. Suddenly....

"Jiraiya-baba. What are you doing behind the bar?"

"Shhh... don't let her see me" he said, pointing to a women on the other side of the busy road. The site of her almost made Kakashi drool. She was absolutely gorgeous, and she seemed to be looking for someone.

"Who is she?" Kakashi asked. The woman was definitely looking for someone, and was now getting quite frustrated. However, it only made her look even more beautiful. All the men within one square mile seemed drawn to her, but she turned them all away with one look.

"Her name's Mary-Sue, and there are thousands of her out there. For some reason, they always go after guys like us, and once they have their eyes set on you, they never leave you alone."

Kakashi quickly joined Jiraiya behind the bar. In his eyes, the woman didn't look all that great anymore. "Why didn't you tell me that any sooner?!"

Jiraiya apparently deicded to ignore that comment and went into lesson mode. "Mary-Sues may seem like simple fangirls, but they are in fact far worse. They are more powerful, and have the ability to make most untrained men fall in love with them on sight. However, the worst are their male counterparts. They're rare, but can be ten times worse then the typical Mary-Sue."

Kakashi simply asked the first question that came to his mind. "How? What can they do?"

Jiraiya started to answer him, but then a shadow fell over them. Looking up in horror, he saw that it was none other then the Mary-Sue that Jiraiya had been hiding from. Ignorant of the Sennin's screams and protests, she proceeded to drag him off, all the while muttering something about her 'beloved', and something about being perfect for each other. In other words, it was all very scary. Kakashi finished his sake and went off to complete his mission, hoping that he would never again encounter this horror that was called a Mary-Sue.

As he snapped out of his memories, one thought came to his mind. 'Oh shit'.

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I can't believe that it actually took me three weeks to only write this much. Although I have already written around twenty typed essay pages.... yes, school is the source of all evil. Any way, the next chapter will be up as soon as I get a chance to finish it, which should hopefully be sooner now that my school's tennis season is ending. It also means that I won't have to wear a green skirt that looks shockingly like Kagome's from Inu Yasha anymore. Yay! I hate having to run around in that thing! Well, Ja Ne!