Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Path of No Regrets: Renewal ❯ Chapter 4

Disclaimer: When Masashi Kishimoto gets bored, he goes out and creates highly addictive manga series like Naruto. When I get bored, I sit back and read highly addictive manga series like Naruto. Either that or I, like… sleep or something. So clearly I am not the type of person who could ever own this series.

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We're rotten fruit, we're damaged goods
What the hell, we've got nothing more to lose
One gust and we will probably crumble

--Radiohead, “Backdrifts”

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Path of No Regrets

-Chapter 4-

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He couldn't have been sitting on the dock for more than an hour before Naruto showed up.

When Sasuke felt the familiar chakra presence edging up behind him, his first instinct, somewhat childish but powerful all the same, was to run away. He reluctantly ignored it. His second instinct was to scream in frustration; this he also managed to suppress. But it was difficult as hell to do.

He knew Naruto didn't come here normally; he'd probably only passed the spot a handful of times in his entire life. He had no reason to come here. If Naruto was unhappy—and Sasuke admitted that the blonde had probably never had more reason to be pissed at the world than he did now—he went to Ichiraku Ramen, or maybe sat a bit in that stupid swing of his at the Academy playground. He didn't come here, to the quiet dock where Sasuke was currently ruminating. This was Sasuke's domain, where he came when he didn't feel like people (which was often), and didn't feel like being at home (which was less so, but not by much). Where he trained or studied or just sat to think, like he was doing now. This was his place.

So if Naruto was here then it could only mean that he had come specifically to seek out Sasuke. And Sasuke didn't know why, but for some reason—or a hundred reasons—that fact made him want to scream.

He didn't. Instead he just sat there, as Naruto slowly walked up behind him, and… waited. For what, he didn't know.

A moment of absolute silence passed before Sasuke realized what was quickly making him so uncomfortable. Naruto was too quiet. Far too quiet. And for all the times he'd told Naruto to shut up in the past, he found that now that his rival had actually done so, he didn't like it. Not at all.

Even when the other boy had caught up to him at the Valley of the End, he had never seemed to be at a loss for words. Naruto always talked. He babbled, he chattered, he ranted. He did all of his thinking out loud, outside his head, instead of inward where Sasuke took painstaking care to do his. Even if you couldn't count on whatever came out of Naruto's mouth to be particularly smart, you could always count on it to be there, regardless. Something.

Anything.

He almost felt ridiculous when Naruto finally did speak, because for a moment there he had been bordering on desperation. Scratch that—he did feel ridiculous. Especially because what Naruto said was so utterly, maddeningly normal and stupid and Naruto-ish that the idea of ever feeling anxious over the words was ridiculous in itself.

“…Dammit, I'm hungry.”

…

Just… for the love of…

Of all the stupid things.

“I'm hungry.” No awkward greetings, no absurd how-are-you-doings (oh, well you know… trying to kill you and all really took a lot out of me, but everything's just fine now, thanks so much for asking), no bitter accusations, no angry roundhouse punches to the jaw. Just, “I'm hungry.” And it was pure Naruto.

The only thing that might possibly have been stupider was the fact that it—almost—put him at ease. For just a moment, anyway. Because this, this he could deal with. This, he understood—his reaction came almost as naturally as breathing.

“Well then, go get something to eat, idiot.”

He hadn't yet managed to actually turn and look at him, but he could practically feel Naruto's glare on his back nonetheless.

“Well, I couldn't, could I, seeing as I was looking for you.”

It was hard to miss the accusatory tone that hung in the air following that remark, so Sasuke chose not to reply.

Silence.

Finally, Naruto said, quiet but straight-to-the-point, “Are you going to run away again?”

Sasuke didn't say anything. He just sighed, then pointed.

Confused, Naruto followed his gaze. “Huh?” He squinted. “What are you pointing at? I don't see anything…”

“Look closer, stupid.”

Naruto ignored the jab, which for some reason bothered Sasuke a little bit, and squinted further, tilting his head more toward the direction indicated. Sasuke mentally counted to three in his head. Then, quite suddenly, Naruto's eyes widened. “What the—”

Sasuke pointed again.

Naruto followed his hand, blinked for a moment, then made a small noise of surprise as his mouth dropped open slightly.

Sasuke shifted to point behind them. Then back in front. Then at several nearby trees. When he was through and Naruto had finally finished glancing around, he stared at Sasuke with one eyebrow raised. “Is that all of them?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I thought there were supposed to be eight, so either they're a man short or he's taking a bathroom break.”

“Or you missed him.”

“Not likely.”

“Asshole. Gets another stupid dot in his eyes and acts like he's freaking God or something.”

Sasuke smirked. His Anbu guards, apparently having finally tired of this little display at their expense, silently stood and simultaneously jumped from their former hiding places, disappearing to who-knew-where. Not that Sasuke wouldn't eventually find their new spots too, of course, but hey, you had to do what you had to do.

Naruto just stood there for a moment, shaking his head. And for an instant, just an instant, Sasuke let himself relax and forget that the tension was still there between them, and that beneath the automatic pattern of banter and insults, the air was still heavily laden with everything that both of them were consciously not speaking of.

Eventually, however, the moment passed, and he was left with no choice but to face it once more.

Naruto shifted his weight as if he were going to sit, then paused, hesitant, as if unable to make up his mind. Finally he straightened once more and put his hands in his pockets. He glanced back at the row of trees where the Anbu had been, then back at Sasuke.

“So you're not running because of them, huh,” he said at last.

Sasuke sighed and finally looked back at him. Naruto met his eyes with a gaze that was surprisingly cool and difficult to read. Sasuke fought the ridiculous urge to wince—he was really starting to despise this whole guilt trip—and instead kept his own gaze as composed and steady as he could manage. “…I'm not running, period.”

Naruto glanced downward. When he looked back again, his eyes were doubtful. For some reason, this angered Sasuke; he scowled. “I promised Kakashi already; if you don't believe me, you can talk to him.”

“I believe you,” was all Naruto said in reply.

But a moment later, his gaze did finally soften. He eyed Sasuke thoughtfully, then turned to look out at the water. Sasuke kept his eyes on him until Naruto finally spoke again.

“So how is it that of all of us, he's the one that actually managed to knock some sense into you?”

Sasuke felt a rush of indignation—just because he regretted what he'd done didn't give Naruto the right to dismiss it like there hadn't been any basis behind it. Especially since Naruto of all people would never truly understand why he'd done it anyway. “Because he offered me an alternative,” he said angrily. “Not just empty talk about teamwork and make-believe ideals.”

Naruto shot him a sharp glance. “It wasn't.”

Sasuke glared. “What?”

“Empty talk,” Naruto said. His blue eyes met Sasuke's fiercely. “None of that was empty.”

Caught suddenly off-guard by this, Sasuke could only blink back in response. He sighed.

“Naruto, I just—”

“Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?” Naruto cut in before he could finish, shifting restlessly and once more moving his gaze toward the lake. “Just…” He seemed to falter for a moment. “…It's over now. So…”

He trailed off, but his meaning was clear enough. Sasuke looked away as well, narrowing his eyes as the fading sun reflected off the water.

“…Fine.”

Silence fell between them again, still heavy as ever, and Sasuke bit back another sigh. Of course it was silent—what the hell else were they supposed to do now, talk about the weather? Exhaustion set in on him suddenly. It was just too much, too soon; this was yet another draining event in a day that had already seen a series of draining things. He couldn't deal with this right now, and the last thing he wanted was to continue to sit here with Naruto just standing awkwardly off to the side.

“You should go get that something to eat now,” he said finally.

“…Yeah,” Naruto replied.

He turned, took a few steps, then paused. Sasuke did not bother to glance back. Finally, the footsteps resumed and in a few moments, Naruto was gone.

Sasuke remained sitting until he'd located all of the Anbu once more. Then he silently climbed to his feet and walked back down the dock himself, heading toward home. Suddenly, the only thing he wanted to do was sleep.

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Tsunade stifled a yawn, then immediately straightened and did her best to give the impression of having been hard at work as Kakashi entered the room. It wasn't as though she hadn't actually been working, of course—far from it—but her job was demanding, and today had been an especially trying day, and it was getting very late, and… okay, so maybe her mind had been wandering a little bit, but it would be unfair to say that she had been slacking off. She'd gotten plenty of work done, and most anyone else in her position would have been doing the exact same thing. It wasn't like she could just keep running nonstop, after all.

…And it certainly wasn't as though Hatake Kakashi could justifiably say anything on the topic of slacking off. The jounin had made quite a name for himself concerning his own less-than-reliable habits, particularly in the area of timeliness. In fact, come to think of it, he was late in his delivery of the very mission overview he was presumably carrying now; she could have sworn she'd asked to have it handed in a good several hours earlier. She frowned in disapproval as he strolled amiably to her desk.

“Good evening, Hokage-sama,” he hummed as he handed her not one but several scrolls.

“Good evening yourself, Kakashi,” she answered none-too-good-naturedly as she took the scrolls from him. “What's all this? I only asked for one mission overview…” She paused as she looked over the rolls of parchment. “You've given me…”

“The others are the reports from my last two missions,” Kakashi supplied for her.

She glared up at him. “Your last two missions?”

“I realize I was a bit late in preparing them,” he answered, not looking the slightest bit nonplussed.

“A bit—?” she began breaking off with a sigh. Deciding that it wasn't worth it, she just shook her head in annoyance and opened up the first scroll. As she started to look it over, though, she couldn't help but mutter, “And you're late with this one, too.”

“I apologize,” he said simply. “I had some business to take care of first.”

“What kind of business?” she asked distractedly as she skimmed over the details.

“I was visiting an old friend I hadn't talked to in a few days.”

Despite herself, Tsunade paused and glanced back at Kakashi, not without sympathy. But his face was as damnably unreadable as ever—he had always been that way, even back when he was a child—so after a moment she gave it up and went back to the scroll. She did, however, reluctantly let the subject of its punctuality drop.

A few minutes later, she raised an eyebrow at a particular line in the report. “…You want to move both of them?” she asked dubiously. “Is that really necessary? It seems excessive.”

“I think it's for the best,” he answered. “It may not be ideal, but neither are the other options.”

“That may just be the first time I've heard anyone refer to the Uchiha mansion as a less than ideal place to live,” Tsunade mused wryly.

“It's perfectly livable—just not for them,” Kakashi replied. “Sasuke in particular. That house has too many ghosts, I think.”

“That may be true, but it's my understanding that he's lived in it until now.”

“Exactly,” said Kakashi with a wry look of his own. “And we've all seen how well that worked out.”

“Hmm.” Tsunade considered it for a moment, but found that she couldn't really argue. “…And Naruto's apartment, then?”

“There's nothing actually wrong with it, from what I've seen. The only problem is that it's too small,” he explained. “Just a bedroom and a small kitchen, really. And while that may work for him, I'd rather not force the two of them to share it. I want to keep them close, but not that close. They'll still both need space… otherwise…” He trailed off.

“Otherwise we'll end up needing a new apartment anyway,” Tsunade sighed. “All right; it's a hassle, but it seems there's no way around it. Now, then…” She skimmed a few more paragraphs. “Only one Anbu detachment on guard?”

“Obviously four Anbu alone wouldn't be sufficient against the likes of Orochimaru or the Akatsuki, but neither would two or three times as many,” Kakashi reasoned. “And as I've said, it's a waste of resources considering what we've learned. So the only real reason to have Anbu there is to continue to discourage Sasuke from leaving again.” He paused, rubbing his chin. “…I don't believe it's truly necessary, but consider this a precaution for now. The Advisors will be able to sleep securely at night, and with any luck, in a few weeks there won't be any need for the squad at all.”

Tsunade nodded as she reached the end of the scroll. “Very well.” She looked it up and down again thoughtfully, then finally folded her hands and looked back at him. “…I suppose all we can really do now is trust that you'll do your job.”

He looked rather thoughtful himself for a moment, then nodded. “I intend to.”

“Good luck.” She leaned back and nodded toward the door, indicating that he was dismissed, then reluctantly reached for another of the delivered scrolls. As she began to unroll it, however, she slowed, noticing that Kakashi had paused on his way out and was now looking rather reflectively at a corner of the room. She followed his gaze to the pile of novice medical scrolls that lay on a table by the wall.

“They're for her, yes,” she said quietly.

“Of course.” He reached up to scratch behind one ear with a small smile. “Well, I'm trusting that you'll do your job as well.”

He strode the rest of the way to the door, then paused one last time.

“…She's brilliant, and she has enormous potential,” he said softly. “She's just never had the motivation until now.” She thought she caught the tiniest glimpse of regret in his eyes, before it vanished with a mild shrug. “Well, good night, then.”

With that, he disappeared out the door, leaving Tsunade to her paperwork once more.

She regarded the medical scrolls for a few more minutes; then with a sigh of resignation, she got back to work.

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Sasuke jolted awake with a start, his heart pounding, his chest thumping, and his mind's eye blazing with the image of Itachi killing their parents. For a moment, it was all he could do not to throw up.

He sat there for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down, all the while burning with shame and disgust at himself. This was his second nightmare in only a matter of hours, and both had left him more shaken than he could remember being in a long time. He gripped his blanket tightly—what the hell was wrong with him? Get a grip! He wasn't a child anymore; he had no business being like this. He gritted his teeth, realized he was trembling, then a moment later seized a pillow and whipped it at the floor in frustration.

Get a grip, he thought again furiously. What would he have done if he'd woken up like this in Hidden Sound? He wasn't seven anymore, he couldn't afford to sit awake in bed shivering from night-terrors. No one cared; no one was going to comfort him; this was reality and he either had to face it or hide away scared for the rest of his life.

…He was still shaking.

With a sudden growl he hurled himself from his bed. A moment later he turned, grabbed another pillow, and heaved it toward the window for good measure. He stood there for a beat, breathing heavily, then abruptly spun on his feet and left the room. He didn't bother to turn on a light; the last thing he wanted was to attract the attention of the Anbu prowling outside, or at least more than he already had. He could see well enough in the dark anyway.

He didn't pay attention to where he was going, other than to consciously steer well clear of the dojo; the images from his dream were already vivid enough without him conveniently providing them a reference. It was perhaps because he was so preoccupied with this that as a result, he didn't realize where his feet were leading him… until he found himself standing right outside another door that he had habitually avoided for most of the past five years.

For a very long moment, Sasuke simply stood there. Then, after arguing futilely with himself, he moved his hand to the door, where it lingered, hesitant. He slid it open a crack, paused uncertainly, and then turned to leave. He made it a few steps… then suddenly turned around again, stalked back down the hall, threw the door open and stepped in before he could talk himself out it. He took a deep breath.

He was standing in his parents' room.

The air was still and heavy here; the room hadn't been occupied in years, though it was still clean. And the furniture, the scrolls hanging on the walls… everything was exactly the same as it had been when his parents were still alive. The housekeeper who came by every few weeks was instructed to take care of all the rooms, even the ones he didn't use, but not to touch, move, or replace anything. He had thought about it a few times, but in the end he'd always decided against it. As much as he denied it, there were some things that, try as he might, he simply could not yet let go of.

He took a few steps, absentmindedly reaching to straighten a pile of books on his father's shelf. He couldn't remember his father ever reading them… but they had been his nonetheless, so…

He traced his fingers along the cover of one, suddenly wishing that it wasn't so damned quiet.

With a sigh, he walked over to the bed. He smoothed a corner of the quilt gently, paused, and then sat down. The room felt achingly, hauntingly empty, and Sasuke wondered what he was even doing here. His parents were dead—they'd been for years. They weren't ever coming back. And he wasn't going to bring them back by sitting in their room. Not even killing Itachi could do that, though at least it would be something, and maybe afterward he could finally… Maybe then, at least, he could finally start to let it go. But until that happened…

He reached over to touch his mother's pillow, brushing it almost reverently with his bandaged hand, and drew a shaky breath.

…Then suddenly, it all just caught up to him, everything that had happened in the past few days and weeks. His fight with Itachi, his departure from Konoha, and finally the fight with Naruto that had ultimately resulted in his coming back, physically and mentally exhausted in a way he hadn't been since he was a child fresh from the loss of his clan. Guilt and turmoil and a deep, painful longing overwhelmed him suddenly, and before he knew what he was doing, he had bowed his head, breathing in desperately, trying to catch any still-lingering trace of his mother's scent.

And as he curled up on the bed, still cradling the pillow, his breath started to come in hitches as he cried without even realizing it, because he was still a child, and he couldn't bring them back, and he didn't ever want to let go.

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Kakashi was not too surprised to learn that Sasuke had left the hospital, since he hadn't explicitly ordered him to stay, and he knew from long experience that if you gave the boy an inch, he was capable of taking several miles. He had even anticipated as much, and had ordered the Anbu to give Sasuke free rein unless he strayed too close to the village borders once again. It seemed, though, that he hadn't… which didn't much surprise Kakashi either.

When he arrived at the Uchiha complex, the Anbu informed him that Sasuke had moved from his room a little before midnight, but that he'd been relatively quiet otherwise. Again, Kakashi did not find the news unexpected; if Sasuke had been planning something, he would have waited until he was no longer under guard. He nodded once to the Anbu, and stepped quietly inside.

He found Sasuke asleep in his parents' bedroom, his legs drawn up and his arms clutching a pillow as fiercely as if his life depended on it. His cheeks still bore the telltale faded marks of tears.

Kakashi found he had to stand there for a very long moment before he finally trusted himself to move without going against the twenty-fifth shinobi saying.

He reached down, took hold of the blanket lying folded at the foot of the bed, and drew it up to Sasuke's shoulders. Then he silently left the room, and told the Anbu he'd be back in the morning.

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When Sasuke awoke the next day, the choked feeling in his chest was gone, as were the rest of the tumultuous emotions he had battled earlier that night. Once again he felt drained; only this time it was a blank, hollow feeling that pervaded.

He'd dreamed again… only this time he hadn't seen Itachi murder the clan. This time he'd dreamed that none of it had happened; that no one had died, no one had been killed, and Itachi hadn't left. They'd all kept living, peacefully, the way it would have—should have been. Like a normal family.

He looked dispassionately at the pillow still lying beside him, and for a fleeting instant, contemplated suffocating himself with it. A moment later he stood without even registering the blanket Kakashi had left there, and walked away, dully shutting the door behind him.

When Kakashi informed him later that day that he was to move out, he didn't utter a single word of protest.

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-to be continued-

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Author's Notes:

…This was a really hard chapter to write. Particularly the last few scenes, even though that was one of the first ideas that came together when I was planning this fic. Can't put the pieces back together until they've truly broken to begin with… still, though, it was hard.

Incidentally, as far as I can tell, Sasuke does still live in his family's old house (don't ask me why, but…). This time the evidence comes straight from the anime and manga—if you look closely, you can see that Sasuke's bedroom in the Uchiha flashbacks is identical to Sasuke's current room (seen when he leaves Konoha), from the shape of the ceiling to the position of the furniture to the ugly light fixture in the ceiling. Home sweet home… As for Naruto's apartment, I was actually lucky enough to find a couple of actual floor plans (for lack of a better term) a while back at a forum that's since died, so that's where the description of his place comes from. Both these images are posted in my profile at fanfiction.net (username is Spectrum), if anyone else wants to take a look.

Anyway, next chapter we'll finally leave Sasuke's angsty POV for a bit and go back to Naruto's, so yeah. XD