Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Rebound ❯ Chapter 3~Healing or Hurting? ( Chapter 3 )

Rebound

 

 

By Mija

 

 

Disclaimer~Nope still do NOT own any of the charactors of Naruto and company. Earlier disclaimers still apply, M/M lovin, cussing, hints of lime or lemons if not full on out lemons and such...again this is a warning not a promise k? Ty much for listening and reading this far, huggles and smiles Mija. Btw Happy Holidays to you all.

 

 

 

Chapter 3~Healing or Hurting?

 

 

 

~~~It had been four months since Iruka had stopped sleeping with Genma. Genma still spoke to him civilly when they were at the mission room or when they saw each other around the academy or town, but things were not the way they used to be. How stupid of Iruka to assume he could have had it both, friendship and sex and still cling to the friendship when the sex was gone? He should of known better. But he did not blame Genma. He blamed himself. Iruka always blamed himself when he cut off a relationship when things started to get emotional. Genma had not been the first to develop feelings for him, and truth be told, Iruka himself had begun to want more from others in the past as well. Thats when he would put a stop to said relationships, make his heart numb and void, so that he would not feel, COULD not feel. It just hurt to much and it was not worth the risk to try again, at least thats how Iruka felt on the matter. Mitzuki's betrayal had almost killed him, both physically and emotionally, he would not let his guard down like that again, to anyone. If he did he was sure he would not survive the outcome...he would simply die, or at the very least, kill the one who dared hurt him so, which would no doubt earn him an execution anyway. All just way too troublesome. But it didn't mean that in the darkness of night, when the town slept and all was quiet, that Iruka would not wake up with a feeling of pain in his chest, fear in his eyes, sweat upon his body, that he swore he mistook for blood at times, and ended up balled up on his bed in a fetal position crying silent tears, wishing that things could be diffrent. Wishing that someone was there to stop the nightmares, to tell him it would all be ok. That he was NOT going crazy. But there was no one there to do these things. There never was, Iruka had made sure of it, so why did it hurt so much to find his bed empty on those certain nights?

 

~~~Aside from his private life, Iruka was still Iruka. He taught his students well and was often thought fondly of by said students, and the other teachers. He really did love his job, he liked working in the mission room as well, his heart always leapt with joy when a mission was succesful and the team would return home safe and sound. He mostly had eyes for cell seven. What he dubbed HIS group. Its the group Naruto had ended up on, as well as Sasuke, and Sakura. It still amazed him at times how well the three worked together. If there had been on odder group of kids to pair up than Team Seven he hadn't yet seen it. But they had proven everyone wrong. They were a good group. The only genin's to ever see a B/A class mission and survive there first time out of the village. Of course many thought that they had survived only due to having thier new instructor Kakashi with them, but even Kakashi said that he wouldn't have been able to do it with OUT the help of his team. All three had grown and were alot stronger than they had been before. Who would of thought it possible that a lazy, albeit highly ranked jonin like Kakashi would take the most disfuntional group of them all, and make it a well working machine? Iruka had been so sure that he would not be able. In fact he had worried about Naruto alot when he was told Kakashi would be his jonin instructor, and when the third had shown him Kakashi's pass/fail record of preveous groups, Iruka had been positive he would break Naruto and the others hearts by failing them. No one was more surprised to learn that Kakashi had actually passed them and even nominated all three for the chuunin exams.

 

~~~Aaahhh. Those had been the days..back when Naruto still thought of him as his only sensei, when Iruka hadn't had to share him with Sasuke or Sakura or most definitly not Kakashi. Now Jiraiya. The son of his heart was growing up and growing away from him and that in itself hurt, but not as bad as other hurts went, because no matter what, Naruto, being the person he was, always found time to spend with his Iruka sensei. And other times Iruka always made it a point to take the boy out to his favorite meal when he came back from a mission so they could catch up and spend time with one another. No, Iruka was going to hold on to his son a bit longer and he could share, he just wanted to be a part of Naruto's life in one way or the other. But it was hard at times, oh yes it was. For some unknown reason Iruka and Kakashi could NOT get along with each other. Oh Iruka was sure it had all started the day Iruka had spoke out against Kakashi's recommendations of team seven for the chuunin exam. Iruka had not thought them ready at the time and had been affraid. They had still been children, too young, not yet experienced like Kakashi, who had gained his training and fame mostly in war. Kakashi had not taken it well that his word was questioned, especially by a chuunin teacher, one who still thought himself the teacher of cell seven. In Iruka's heart, they were still HIS kids, but in all fact they had stopped when they passed and were assigned to Kakashi.

 

~~~Iruka sighed as he thought back to those days. He and Kakashi still did not get along. Every time he and the silver haired jonin ran into one another, the taller paler man would alway tease Iruka about one thing or another which always resulted in Iruka blowing his top and yelling at the jonin with words he would not be caught dead speaking in front of his students. But for some reason Kakashi just got on his last nerve. Especially now. Now Kakashi was even more of a pain, but Iruka held a sliver of smug satisfaction when he saw the rare pain of sorrow or loss or regret pass over Kakashi's eyes when someone mentioned team seven. It was cruel of Iruka to hold even a sliver of satisfaction over his pain, Iruka knew this, but he could not help it. Now Kakashi understood on some level how Iruka had felt that time long ago when he had had to let his precious students be taught over by someone else. Yes things were diffrent Iruka knew, even worse for Kakashi than it had been for himself. Naruto was with Jiraiya, god knows where training, and Sakura was training as a medic nin with Tsunade and Sasuke? Well that is where the pain and regret lay really. Even for Iruka. For they had all failed to save Sasuke from himself and from Orochimaru. They had not heard from Sasuke in a very long time and Iruka knew both Naruto and Sakura ate their hearts out daily at the knowledge that they had also failed, that thier team was broken, imcomplete. And Kakashi would never forget that it was he who had taught Sasuke the Chidori, that had almost killed Naruto, never thinking Sasuke would turn it on his own teammate, neglecting the others to help Sasuke in hopes that he would help him loose some of his hate and need for vengence and focuse more on the team, on Konoha, on being happy. Kakashi had been wrong in his gamble, he had failed and had lost one student to darkness, and almost lost another to the very technique he had taught the other.

 

~~~Yes, so Iruka was cruel for holding the sliver of satisfaction at Kakashi's pain, but he could not help it. He felt justified in his smugness. Kakashi no longer teased Iruka about babying his students, and inside Iruka knew that cost Kakashi alot, because it was an admittance of his own mistakes and pain. Iruka understood it all, felt pain and regret and sadness and loss as well and of course he should be helping Kakashi heal through it as he himself healed as well. But Iruka could not do it. Kakashi still made fun of him, Kakashi still grated on his nerves and Kakashi for some reason refused to leave him be, always pestering him about one thing or another that, Iruka often wondered if part of Naruto's more annoying habits had rubbed off on the jonin. But as much as his conscience told him to forgive the man, to help him heal, to befriend him. Iruka could not. For some reason Iruka could not phathom, he wanted Kakashi to hurt, he wanted Kakashi to feel regret, sorrow and loss. He wanted Kakashi to suffer like Iruka was suffering as well. And at night when sleep was about to take him Iruka wondered if he had turned into a cold heartless bastard just like Mitzuki?

 

 

 

A/N~okies heres next one shot chappie. yes its short and not much of anything really in it, and some of yall probably want to hang me, but come on, guys...we are all human..no one is perfect, and even though you are a good person and stuff dont you think there are times when inside, deep inside that you sometimes are glad when someone else is hurting like you are? Mostly someone who has teased and caused you pain in the past? Yes we regret the evil thought and hate ourselves for thinking such an aweful thing right after most times, because heck we dont wish any one to suffer any sort of heartache like that, but for an instant, just for an instant you felt it...it was there...and Im sure Iruka must of felt some small sliver of satisfaction at Kakashi's failure, that Iruka wanted to go 'see seee know you know how I felt all that time ago huh huh?' Anyhow thats just my opinion, dont make Iruka cruel or mean, dont make Kakashi cruel or mean, dont make me cruel or mean, just makes us human with human faults and all that jazz. Till next time much huggles and smiles Mija.