Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Regret Not A Thing ❯ Ch 6: What We Couldn't Say ( Chapter 6 )

Regret Not A Thing

By Mizerable

 

 

 

Ch. 6: What We Couldn't Say

 

The rustling of clothing and soft breath were the only sounds in the room. Shinobi were always so good about remaining quiet even in their most private of moments. Some habits were now instincts, never to be turned off.

 

“Got the morning shift today?”

 

Shikamaru's shoulders jerked before he pulled his shirt on. It wasn't worth his effort to mention the Anbu didn't have early or late shifts, only all-consuming ones.

 

“You can sleep in if you want,” he added, perhaps a bit too tersely.

 

“Can't,” Ino said with a stretch, “I'm filling in for Neji-san today.”

 

Shikamaru couldn't remember if Neji was running an Anbu mission, thus making him unavailable for his usual squad. It irked him a fair bit when his mind drew blanks on things like this.

 

“Oh?” was all he could say. Never show weakness, and all that.

 

Ino shrugged, so evidently she hadn't been privy to his business either. She methodically tugged on her own clothes as Shikamaru pulled a pill bottle from a drawer, earning Ino's disapproving frown.

 

“Shikamaru…don't you think, um, maybe…?”

 

“It's a prescription. No big deal.”

 

Ino didn't argue the point any further. It was just another unspoken facet of ninja life. Anybody could get a hold of painkillers in a town full of soldiers. Nothing but tools of war, indeed. Ino wondered if anyone else she knew medicated themselves through living. She wondered if Sakura did.

 

Stop, she told herself, no sense wondering about things you'll never know.

 

Ino was starting to think of why she even worried about anything. Nothing she did seemed to be helping anyone, anyway.

 

Least of all, herself.

 

* * *

 

“Rejoice, my beloved team!” Gai began his usual enthusiastic morning speech, “We have a special guest training with us today.”

 

Lee hung on every word with rapt attention while Tenten concentrated on not rolling her eyes. Ino gave a faint smile and thought wistfully of Asuma, who did not shout early in the day. Perhaps sometimes it was nice to be nostalgic, after all…

 

Gai continued on with his happy banter and Lee was none too thrilled to have Tenten suddenly tug him over. Did she have to grab his ear?

 

“Whatever you do,” she hissed right into said ear, “Do not mention Sakura in front of Ino.”

 

Lee had gained enough wisdom over the years to trust Tenten's words. She was just so good at understanding people. She had to be, to keep a team like hers running smoothly. Though even Lee knew Ino and Sakura didn't talk anymore. He, of course, was on good terms with Sakura. Well, as good of terms as could be expected. Try as he might, he had yet to sway Sakura with his affections. Admittedly, he did have a rather strong grasp on what it meant to fight a losing battle.

 

Since that mission four years ago, his beloved Sakura was no longer the person he once knew. To be honest, he'd be glad just to make her smile and have her mean it. Though convincing her to go on a date with him wouldn't hurt, either. But everyone knew Sakura didn't date, except for maybe Naruto. After having her heart broken in such a fashion, she wasn't willing to let anyone get so close again.

 

Sakura was Lee's friend. That fact was never going to chance, but sometimes it was nice to dream.

 

“Gai-sensei,” Lee piped up, complete with a hand raised into the air like an elementary school student. He wasn't going to think about Sakura right now. “Just why isn't Neji with us today?”

 

They all expected to hear Gai say that he wasn't at liberty to tell them. Which was a fancy way of saying Neji was on a classified Anbu mission.

 

“He had familial obligations.”

 

Oh.

 

Fuck.

 

* * *

 

This is ridiculous.

 

Neji knew this day was coming. Known for a long time, in fact. That didn't mean he had to be happy about it.

 

“You're eighteen now, Neji,” Hiashi began, the two kneeling stiffly across from one another, “And you have become a fine Konoha shinobi, climbing so far as the Anbu…However, with such a great honor comes greater danger.”

 

Neji wished he would hurry up with the preamble and just say it. It's not like Neji couldn't know what this was about.

 

“It's been decided that you should marry,” Hiashi's words were blunt and terrible heavy in that room, “We've found a suitable wife for you. Hatoko is a fine Hyuuga and together you will have a strong heir.”

 

Of course there was no room for choice, let alone protests in that statement. Whatever common ground he and Hiashi may have found, it didn't tear down the wall between the main and branch families. There were some things being a genius couldn't change. At least Hiashi finally acknowledged the girl. She was kneeling behind Hiashi and to the right. Dark hair splashed over her fair skin like ink, shielding her pearly eyes from view. She had all the fine soft features of a Hyuuga and Neji found himself hating her for it.

 

He didn't want to look in a mirror when staring at his future bride. It was bad enough that he wasn't even interested in being married yet, but he didn't want a wife that was meant for nothing more than being a servant and a breeding mare.

 

The cage was feeling smaller these days.

 

* * *

 

Jiraiya was studying Sasuke's secondary seal again, though he still couldn't make heads or tails of it. He had never seen anything quite like it, which bothered him a great deal. There wasn't too much about seals that he didn't know but this one had him stumped. There were some familiar symbols but they were all combined in a way he didn't understand. Sasuke claimed it was Kabuto's work, though Jiraiya honestly thought the work looked far too hastily thrown together for someone that methodical to create.

 

But, of course, it was yet another thing Sasuke was unwilling to talk about in detail.

 

Jiraiya wasn't sure what the kid was trying to cover up, but it couldn't be anything good. He just sat in stiff silence with his head bowed while Jiraiya scribbled notes about the seal, planning to research each and every part. He had a question on the tip of his tongue about the twin scars on Sasuke's back but didn't see the point in asking. It wasn't as if he would get an actual answer about it.

 

“Looks like I'm done for now,” he finally spoke.

 

Sasuke didn't answer. He seemed more determined just to get his shirt back on. Jiraiya felt a twinge of sympathy for the kid suddenly and wondered if Tsunade was onto something. Sasuke may have gone willingly to Orochimaru, but he wasn't actually Orochimaru. He'd probably gotten quite a bitter taste of the snake's terrible ways. Whether that twisted him into the same mold or snapped him was the real question.

 

“I sure hope you thought it was worth all this.”

 

“I got what I earned. Nothing more.”

 

There was that honesty again. Jiraiya found himself wanting to be angry at Sasuke for playing the martyr, but such thoughts felt empty. Even he could realize he was trying to ignore the fact that Sasuke felt guilty for his selfish choices. Well, it's not like guilt changed a fucking thing.

 

“…They don't know, do they?”

 

Jiraiya knew perfectly well who “they” were. Naruto and Sakura, of course.

 

“No. They don't.”

 

Sasuke nodded once and was slow to rise to his feet. All these exams were proving to be far more taxing than he'd anticipated. Though with no real reason to fight of the curse seal and stay alive, he should have expected this sort of reaction. Anko shuffled in not long after and guided Sasuke back to his room. He seemed to sleep more and more each day, though she couldn't blame him for closing himself off.

 

As she returned to Jiraiya and walked him to the front door, she offered a wry smirk.

 

“He's not a bad kid. Not really.”

 

“Not everyone is as decent as you are, Anko. Sasuke willingly chose that path despite knowing what he was getting involved with,” Jiraiya spoke gruffly, making himself believe this to be the truth.

 

“He couldn't have truly known,” Anko may have been leaning nonchalantly against the wall, but she still reminded Jiraiya of a cobra poised to strike, “Knowing what Orochimaru is like and actually enduring time with him are two completely different things.”

 

Well, he couldn't really argue with that logic. He thought he had Orochimaru figured out all those years ago, and the betrayal had still struck to his very core.

 

“Makes you almost feel sorry for the kid,” Anko absently mused while examining her fingernails, “What it must have felt like to be so desperate that he'd willingly put himself through all that…”

 

“You shouldn't let yourself get so attached, Anko,” Jiraiya tried to keep his voice even, “He's a criminal and you'd do well to remember that.”

 

He wondered if Anko had cried when Orochimaru died…

 

“I know,” everything about her words and posture seemed so unnaturally casual, “I was one, too.”

 

* * *

 

“Hinata!”

 

She froze, feeling so warmed and apprehensive at the sound of that voice.

 

“H-hi, Naruto-kun.”

 

“You got any missions lined up?”

 

Her eyes immediately shot to the ground. She couldn't even look at him, fearing as if he would know her secret just by gazing at her.

 

“Um…well…”

 

“ `Cause I got this cool mission coming up and we need a medic for it. You free for it?”

 

“You're not going to ask Sakura-san?”

 

“Nah, she says she's still not battle-ready.”

 

Hinata tried to push down the thoughts that she was probably his second choice. He had to have asked Sakura first. Why would he want her if he could have his beloved Sakura?

 

Don't be jealous. It won't change anything. It's your own fault for pushing Sakura so far ahead of you, anyway.

 

That was the truth, too. While training under Shizune, Hinata naturally felt insecure about her abilities as a medic. As her teacher tried to reassure her, pointing out Hinata's talents such as chakra control, Hinata's frustrations got the best of her. She let it slip that Sakura's control was far superior to her own. Shizune had been good about things, reminding Hinata that they were different people and that Sakura's capabilities didn't affect or change Hinata's own abilities.

 

Though Shizune did mention Sakura in passing to Tsunade. And Tsunade, seeing far too much of herself in Sakura, was almost immediately compelled to take her on as an apprentice. Even if it seemed hypocritical of her, considering how she talked to Jiraiya about his training of Naruto. But if she could avoid letting someone else suffer as she had in her youth…Well, Tsunade had never been terribly close to Orochimaru and so his true nature hadn't come as much of a surprise. But she did know a thing or two about having loved and lost.

 

It had been little over a year and Sakura was nearing the level Hinata had attained in three.

 

“I-I can't do it. I'm helping Shizune-sensei with a project…” Hinata hoped her answer was vague enough. And she really hoped Naruto wouldn't ask more questions. It hurt enough already that she had to turn him down in the first place.

 

“Yeah? What kind of project?”

 

Her eyes widened considerably, though her bangs did a good enough job of concealing them. She'd really let her hair get long, hadn't she…She had to think of something to say, and quickly.

 

“We're researching an unknown venom,” she answered. Every shinobi knew the best lies had a bit of the truth mixed in.

 

“Wow! That's really cool,” Naruto might have smiled at her, but she knew he was just trying his best to act as people expected him to. The days of Naruto being genuinely happy about his friends' accomplishments were long gone. That is, if Hinata could even honestly say they were even friends. After that mission, Naruto, just like Sakura, couldn't really open up to anyone again. And secretly, she was sure everything achieved by the people Naruto knew only reminded him of his own shortcomings.

 

With so many of their circle gaining such important ranks as Anbu members or medics (or in Sakura's case, multiple specializations), and with Gaara being considered for the next Kazekage, Naruto being stuck as a chuunin had to sting. For one reason or another, it seemed a lot of people were wary of letting Naruto rise through the ranks. Hinata supposed that perhaps since Naruto trained without a team and didn't often run on full-squad missions, then maybe the council felt he wasn't “well-rounded” enough to successfully carry out the extra responsibilities connoted with a higher rank.

 

He'd been betrayed so badly in the past, and now he couldn't even prove his worth as a ninja to those in charge of promoting him. Yet here she was, lying right to his face. She couldn't even imagine what he would think of her if he knew she was seeking to cure the one who almost took his life. Was she making a huge mistake?

 

Akamaru danced around her feet, happily chasing a butterfly and completely oblivious to her torment. Suddenly she saw it so clearly in her mind, the image of Sasuke petting Akamaru and trying his damnedest to express his remorse over that horrible mission. And strangely, she felt the smallest of smiles tugging at her lips.

 

Sometimes, doing the right thing was the hardest path to follow. Even though she was sure she would love Naruto `til the day she died, even though she knew she would likely lose him forever if he knew of her actions…

 

“I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. I'm afraid I can't help you this time.”

 

She was going to do things her way, with compassion and kindness. She was going to save a life. That was her Nindo.

 

* * *

 

Naruto went home, having nothing better to do while waiting for a medic to be chosen for his mission. Not that he really thought having one was necessary. They never gave him especially challenging missions when Jiraiya wasn't accompanying him. The Akatsuki may have been lying low, but having a threat like that hanging over his head made Konoha a fair bit nervous about sending him out without proper protection. He knew better than to even bother arguing with Tsunade about it anymore.

 

So here he was, sprawled out on his bed. Sakura was on the floor with a vast array of books and scrolls surrounding her. This was the norm for them; Sakura constantly studying while Naruto usually lounged around after training. They didn't talk a great deal during times like this but they didn't really need to. They knew where they stood with each other and just being near one another was enough.

 

Most people thought they were a couple, considering the amount of time they spent together. But it wasn't like that at all. There had been a time when Naruto would have given anything to win her heart, but not now. He didn't think about it very often, but every once in a while he wondered what it would be like to have her love him like that. He would never pursue her now, of course, not with the way things ended up. Because he would never know if it was her true feelings.

 

She had loved so deeply once and had it ripped away. She never had the chance to grow up and choose for herself. Naruto was fairly sure she would agree to date him now since they both had nothing else. But if she still had that choice to make…? Well, Naruto would never know for sure. So he knew better than to ask.

 

They never mentioned Sasuke, not once in four years, but his memory was always the elephant in the room. Angry as they both had been, neither actively planned on seeking revenge. They would never let themselves become the same monster that destroyed everything they once knew. They didn't talk about what they might do if they actually saw him again. But Naruto and Sakura understood each other perfectly. The love they once felt for their wayward teammate had spoiled, leaving behind a festering wound in both their hearts.

 

Naruto, who nearly lost his life.

 

Sakura, who lost her heart.

 

They understood what it meant to hate someone now.

 

* * *

 

“Does it make it any easier, knowing what you know now?”

 

“Knowing what I know now…I still can't understand why you're still going along with this.”

 

“There are just some people in life that a person can't say `no' to,” a pause, “And you should know that better than anyone.”

 

 

To be continued…