Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Regret Not A Thing ❯ Ch 5: She Wonders ( Chapter 5 )

Regret Not A Thing

By Mizerable

 

 

 

Ch. 5: She Wonders

 

“Should've known I'd find you here.”

 

“I take it your brother's here on business?” Shikamaru didn't even turn around. Some things were still too much effort to be bothered with.

 

“Social call, actually,” Temari answered, sounding far too chipper for his likings, “Gaara finds it a little overwhelming that everyone's so nice to him back home now. At least he understands what he did to earn it here.”

 

Shikamaru often wondered what strange reality he woke up to some days when Gaara, of all people, was making friendly visits.

 

“You look like shit, by the way,” Temari continued, earning an irritated snort from him. She swore she heard him mutter something about meddling women, “Doesn't that girlfriend of yours look after you at all?”

 

“Ino's not my girlfriend.”

 

There was something rather fatalistic in his tone. Temari rolled her eyes; being overdramatic didn't suit him at all.

 

“Oh? She's not?”

 

“She's my best friend. That's more than enough.”

 

End of discussion. Well, not that Temari ever really listened to anything he said.

 

“Ya hear that, Chouji?” Temari had a frightening talent for looking devious and affectionate all at once, “This guy's best friend is a girl, of all people. Who would have expected that?”

 

“Temari—“ There was a bit of warning in Shikamaru's voice.

 

“What?” she was a touch indignant, “Even he's gotta get tired of your bitching now and then.”

 

Shikamaru really hated when she talked like Chouji was right there (which she always did). But he didn't see his friend anywhere. All he saw was a name carved into a rock.

 

* * *

 

It's been over four years, but sometimes it felt like another lifetime. It was strange how some days all Shikamaru could think about were the good ol' days, yet he couldn't truly remember what it was like before the Mission. They'd all been such stupid kids, believing they could take on those odds and come out of it alive. That was they day they stopped being children.

 

That was the day two people stopped living.

 

* * *

 

Shikamaru believed being smart might be the greatest curse to ever place on a person. It made him recall everything in such clear and terrible technicolor detail. He'd been racing through those woods, exhausted as he was, trying to keep up with Temari. He was so focused on matching her pace, he almost ran right into her when she stopped short. She'd been so damn smug earlier, he hadn't expected her to look so puzzled.

 

“Hadn't he been chubby?”

 

For some reason, it hadn't clicked in his brain until he moved past her. His feet just couldn't move any farther than that. He just stared at that bony ankle and refused to look any farther than that. He didn't want to see this. He didn't want to see Chouji's sandy hair falling over his pale gaunt face. He didn't want to see that fucking arrow begging Chouji to follow.

 

“Goddamn it, Chouji. You liar.”

 

Chouji had promised he wouldn't use all three pills. He promised!

 

Shikamaru stumbled numbly to Chouji's side, almost believing he was only unconscious. When he touched Chouji's hand, he couldn't stop himself from pulling back from the cold skin.

 

“Looks like he's been gone a while.”

 

Shikamaru all but snarled at Temari. How the hell could she be so callous at a time like this??

 

Tears were prickling his eyes and he cursed his logical mind a thousand times over. Chouji was his best friend, a loyal friend. One that believed in Shikamaru so completely that he followed his orders to the death…

 

Shikamaru had gotten his best friend killed.

 

He could almost hear Temari as he sobbed over the body. She was muttering something about emotion training but he didn't listen to her. He was going to hold onto his last moment with Chouji and his fucking childhood and wish for it all to come back. Though this cold skinny thing wasn't even Chouji anymore. It certainly caught him off-guard when Temari hauled him to his feet and smacked him sharply across his cheek.

 

“Need I remind you that you're still in charge of this mission?” her voice was cool and piercing, “You've got three other squad members to account for. Now quit your crying and go help the ones that can still be saved.”

 

“But Chouji was—“

 

“I couldn't care less. He's dead and nothing can change that. You still have other responsibilities to worry about,” Temari turned away from him, preparing to move on. But she paused again and glanced ever so slightly over her shoulder.

 

“Just be grateful you had a friend who loved you enough to die trying to keep you safe.”

 

Of all the things he expected to hear from her, resentment wasn't it.

 

Later, he would make a vow before his father and before her that he would become a better ninja. He would be perfect. Absolutely flawless.

 

* * *

 

“I should get going,” Shikamaru finally said. He didn't even bother asking why she went through the trouble of looking for him in the first place. Probably just to piss him off, anyway.

 

She just nodded at him and left without so much as a farewell. She wondered why she even bothered looking for him.

 

Shikamaru decided not to think too hard on her visit, or on much of anything at all. He just popped another pill in his mouth and let the numbness set in before leaving to find Ino.

 

* * *

 

Ino's life existed in two well-defined timelines. There was Before the Mission (BM) and After the Mission (AM). She didn't think very much on the first year of AM. It was a blur of isolation and some gut-wrenching feeling caught between anger and sorrow. She never thought of a good word for it. When that first anniversary rolled around, she sold a lot of people flowers but couldn't bring herself to go to the memorial that day. Maybe she'd been too afraid to go, too ashamed of being the weak ninja that couldn't even be brought on that mission.

 

Shikamaru hadn't come for flowers that year. She'd heard he hadn't gone to the memorial that first anniversary, either.

 

The second anniversary, she faced her fears and ventured out despite the cold rain. She found Shikamaru there, soaked to the bone and stone-faced. They hadn't said a thing to each other, not even when she tugged on his arm to come in from the storm. They kept their silence all the way to his house, up his stairs, to his room. Ino couldn't find any of her mindless prattle to ease the situation, and thus made use of her hands. Shikamaru never once complained about her troublesome girlish ways as she tugged his wet hair from its bindings and began combing out the snags.

 

He was so terrible at looking after himself sometimes. Someone had to do it, and all.

 

And so she didn't say anything when he kissed her.

 

To this day, Ino couldn't recall how it happened. There'd been such a sense of urgency to get rid of their soggy clothes, but without that great passion she always read about. The room had lost its color to the gray outside and even in his bed with him above her, their rainslick skin left her shivering with gooseflesh.

 

They never talked about that day, or any of the days that followed. Oftentimes they didn't even see each other. After the loss of Chouji and Shikamaru's rapid promotions, there wasn't much of a team left. Ino just floated around as the spare kunoichi. She filled in some time with Team Gai while Neji was on leave. If a squad really needed her particular skill, they called on her. But mostly, she was alone.

 

Sakura was long gone from her life. Ino knew she couldn't go to her now. She didn't like to think how a boy had destroyed their friendship, and that he wasn't even there anymore. Irony of ironies that she needed to talk about a boy now.

 

She had Shikamaru, but she never truly had him. But she liked to believe if what they had together was enough to get him through, then it was a small sacrifice she could willingly endure. And it wasn't that she didn't want to…

 

She never felt more isolated.

 

* * *

 

Hinata often wondered if she was strong.

 

Today she did not, could not feel this to be true. She couldn't feel proud of the medic badge on her arm, not now. All she could think of at a time like this was that dreadful year after the mission, before she gained any respect from her family. Before Neji's encouraging words. Before she'd been good at one damn thing.

 

In the fallout of that mission, beyond the hurt, were actual logistical problems. Sasuke's desertion, two dead, and one critical injury spread the squads rather thin. Naruto being brought under Jiraiya's direct tutelage wasn't much of a shock, though it left Sakura out in the cold. Kakashi mentioned her talent for genjutsu so off she went to Kurenai and thus Kiba's empty spot was filled, in a sense. Kakashi himself made himself scarce around Konoha taking mission after mission; he did not accept another genin team.

 

Sakura, being the brilliant girl she was, excelled under Kurenai's training. Though where she really fit in Team Eight was the question. When they were formed with Kiba's sense of smell, Shino's bugs, and Hinata's Byakugan, they were primarily an ideal tracking team. Perhaps Sakura could follow the enemy while hiding beneath an illusion, but she was learning offensive techniques. It added an odd dynamic, to say the least. But it seemed that's what she wanted. It wasn't Hinata's place to say anything, anyway.

 

Sakura had her reasons for seeking such power.

 

Her rapid growth was staggering and Hinata often pondered whether she should feel a little jealous. But then she figured she herself mustn't have been trying hard enough. Even with her eyes, Hinata really couldn't see a thing.

 

It wasn't until Naruto came around that it really hurt.

 

Now and then he would show up at their training ground, his clothes in tatters and perhaps a band-aid or two. Hinata wasn't sure what his training entailed per say, but she got the impression it was rather…intense. But he would come and Sakura would stand close with real happiness crinkling around her eyes. She didn't bring that warmth around her new teammates, though Hinata couldn't rightly blame her for that. The wound was still raw for all of them.

 

And so Sakura was cold, Hinata was insecure, and Shino was silent. They all wanted the old ways and couldn't put enough trust in people they'd known since childhood. A good team they most certainly did not make. Not when they were just too scared of being hurt again.

 

Not even the fact that Hinata had gone on missions with Naruto raised her spirits very much at the moment. She never knew about how the Hokage had so carefully planned those missions. Tsunade, being aware of Naruto's rapid healing, knew he couldn't be injured very easily. But sending out Hinata as the medic for someone who didn't really need it did exactly what she hoped it would. It gave Hinata the self-confidence to back the talent waiting to break through.

 

Though that wasn't what Hinata gained from any of it. While cherishing her time with Naruto, she couldn't say it brought them any closer. It pushed her to try harder and harder to become a good medic, just to be near him again. But it was awfully hard to surpass someone like Sakura, who was already near and dear to his heart. Hinata was just another ninja who went on missions with him now and then.

 

She did become a good medic, despite her fears. And look at what it earned her.

 

Now she was involved in secretly helping to find a cure for the person that started the whole chain reaction. Certainly, the Hokage told her it was about helping Anko, but that didn't really change the world for Hinata. And that compassion Neji praised her for, the compassion that got her stuck in this situation, was rearing its head again. She had Akamaru with her. She took him everywhere when she wasn't on mission. He never grew much after his injuries and just wasn't much use as a ninja dog anymore. And thus, she always kept the dog near so he wouldn't be lonely.

 

Since this was the norm, she couldn't leave him behind at home now. It would raise suspicions about what she was involved in. But she didn't want to bring the dog, not to him. She'd asked the Hokage if there was somewhere she could keep Akamaru in the meantime. It seemed so cruel to bring such a reminder.

 

“I don't think I need to remind you of the situation,” Tsunade had chided, “Uchiha Sasuke is not an ally and does not deserve any special treatment. For all intents and purposes, he's nothing more than a lab rat.”

 

Hinata thought that was a harsh sentiment but chose not to share her thoughts on the matter. Just as Tsunade didn't mention the sour feeling such words left in her stomach. Words that sounded far too much like Orochimaru's for her taste.

 

So here she was at Anko's home with Akamaru sniffing around curiously and Sasuke sitting across the room. His hair fell over his eyes so she couldn't gage what his feelings were on the situation. Though he tensed considerably when Akamaru nudged his hand. Hinata wondered if she should worry that Akamaru might bite him, and then feared what Sasuke might do if he did. But then the dog surprised both of them by jumping into his lap. Sasuke sat ramrod straight in his seat, looking as if he might bolt any minute.

 

“Does it bother you?” Hinata asked calmly. Remain clinical was her mind's mantra.

 

“I'm not much of a dog person…” Sasuke muttered.

 

Hinata decided not to waste any more time fretting about Akamaru. The sooner she finished up here, the sooner she could just get out. She worked on unraveling the bandages, letting her Byakugan study the wounds in fine detail. So far, she'd worked out that it seemed some sort of “venom,” for lack of a better word, had seeped into the chakra circulatory system. Some segments had filled to the point of bursting, before rapidly atrophying. The stretching and withering occurred right beneath the skin and was what caused it to tear.

 

Unfortunately, no one had ever seen anything quite like it. There was no known antidote for the “venom” since no one could figure out exactly what it was. Hinata reminded herself to check out a few books for possible information—

 

“I didn't,” Sasuke cut into her thoughts, “I didn't mean for it to happen.”

 

Hinata's hands froze for a moment. She tried to carry on with business as usual, despite the hammering of her heart.

 

“I know,” she found the words came easily.

 

Sasuke's good hand softly stroked Akamaru's fur. Not a dog person, he said, but he was adapting. She wondered what it was costing him to make even this small gesture. And suddenly she got it. Neji was right, just as she expected him to be. Compassion suited her well. She'd been hurting for so long, she often forgot what it was they all were fighting for.

 

Hinata knew right then she wanted to save Sasuke. Just as Kiba once had. Because Konoha shinobi didn't leave their own to suffer alone in the dark.

 

Hinata thought that maybe she had become stronger. Just a little.

 

* * *

 

“What's it like?” he had asked, already feeling stupid for posing such a question.

 

“I've been wondering through this darkness for so long…” came the reply, followed by a long and empty pause. Was it raining again? “And I foolishly keep expecting to find the light someday. But I don't think it's going to happen.”

 

A snort.

 

“Quite the pair we make.”

 

“You've only lost one eye. There's hope for you yet.”

 

 

 

To be continued…