Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Secret Love ❯ Recollections ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story. …   Recollections

"Aniki! " I wailed, running through the halls in my bare feet. "Aniki! Ouchy!" I ran on, recognising the pain in my legs from the exertion of running the length of our home but truly not caring. Only caring of the pinch of blood at the tip of my finger. A splinter! It was so sore!

I knew Itachi-nii-san would be at the Dojo. He was always at the Dojo. I couldn't wait until I got to play games with Chichiue* in there like Aniki did! He was always playing in there…but he never had as much time to play with me like I wanted him to. It wasn't fair! I wanted to play games with Aniki and Chichiue too!

"Aniki! Aniki! Sore!" I wanted to look as positively miserable as possible, so instead of fighting the tears like a strong boy would do, I encouraged them. The more helpless I looked then the longer he would spend time with me. Itachi-nii-san was so brave! He would not mind seeing my blood at all! He was so strong! He didn't even feel pain any more! That is…I saw him bleed a lot from the games he and Chichiue played…but he never cried like me. I'd never seen him cry. Brave Aniki! I wanted to be so brave too!

When I reached the door to the Dojo I slapped the palms of my hands against it, wincing at the sharpness of the hurt to my hands. But my finger was bleeding! And I was far too little to open the door myself. I knew Aniki would be in there! He had to be! But after a few more moments of hitting the doors with my tiny fists I reserved myself to flopping onto the floor and screaming at the top of my lungs.

I wanted aniki! I wanted big brother to make the soreness go away! I didn't want Haha* she was too big sometimes! She was so nice to cuddle me all the time but I wanted Aniki to teach me to be strong. Not even Chichiue could do that. When they were so much bigger than me it only made me feel small and as though I didn't have to be strong. But Aniki wasn't big like them. He was more small like me. He was taller than me…in every way possible. But I couldn't fit on his lap. I had tried…but I couldn't.

Just then, out of nowhere, footsteps interrupted my wails and sobbing and crying. I almost thought it was Chichiue, for the sound seemed louder to me, who was lying on the floor. But it wasn't my daddy at all. It was Itachi-nii-san! He was running, but I don't think he could run all that much quicker than myself, but he was trying so hard to get to me fast.

He landed with a thud beside be and fussed over my tears for a little moment before he caught sight of the blood which had spread over my little hands. He turned his attentions fully to the splinter and within no time at all was able to take the miniscule chipping of wood from my finger and throw it far away. Where it should stay forever! He spent a good time longer taking me back to my bedroom and sitting me in my cot, before going to get wet cloths to wash my hands of the redness. The little splinter had gone so deep! I had bled over two fingers!

But he never left me long and when he came back he leapt straight into the cot beside me, took my hand in his and dealt with wiping the blood from my skin. My hands looked small in his. Not like they did in Haha's though. When she held my hand it was as if mine disappeared. She was so big. I wonder what it is like sometimes. To be tall enough to get to open doors. Or to be able to sit in seats without being lifted. Aniki can do it. He's big like that now. But not too big. And he plays with me whenever he can!

"Aniki. I wan' be big like you." He looked at me for a moment, his eyes scanning quickly over my face to see that I wasn't still crying.

"I'm not that big yet, otouto. Besides, one day you'll get older and be like me." He told me clearly. He never spoke to me like I was littler than him. He told me things like I would understand. I didn't, but it was nice to hear anyway.

"Why are you so old Aniki?" At that he looked slightly dazzled, a little…perhaps not at all, but he frowned and seemed upset.

"It isn't that I'm so old, Sasuke. I was just never allowed to be young." I looked at him oddly, never young? It would make sense I suppose – since Aniki is so stro-

My slumber was broken suddenly. I'd heard a bang and my instincts had me propelled out of the bed at the swiftest instant. But when reality came back to me I realized it must be nothing; it was safe here; it had been safe here for what felt like a lifetime, and yet it could not be long enough. We'd been in Riera for almost three months after all. You would think by now my Ninja instincts would have sobered slightly…apparently not.

I took one look at the world outside before slipping back into the warmth of the bed. It was black outside, as it became here after sunset. They had no street lamps, only portable torches that were situated all over the place. It didn't get dark very much now though, since it was spring. I dreaded the oncoming summer. If spring was this hot and bright then I couldn't even think of summer. I'd been informed that there was little over an hour of darkness during summer, and even then it was not complete darkness.

I was in the bed tonight though, so that – I suppose – was a bonus. I hadn't expected me and Naruto to fit so well into this life. Our days went by routinely, and yet every day managed to surprise me. I could not, for the life of me, realise why. But the bed was mine for tonight, though only by force, and I usually slept well on these nights. Only as well as I can, I suppose. My nightmares are certainly less severe. And though tonight's was as tame as usual for being in the bed, I still could not say that it was comforting. In a way I would have preferred a more horrific dream, for I hate seeing Itachi – especially when he is the kind older brother I used to know. At least I always know I'm still human after those nightmares, though. I can't pretend I don't have a heart when it breaks so much each time I wake up.

But I was sure I heard a noise. So sure, but I couldn't think. Perhaps it had merely been a branch, wandering in the night winds and brushing our window in the breeze. Most probably. I'd go with that, for the moment anyway, because I wanted to fall asleep again.

My wishes are never granted, however, and the bang was back mere moments later. Thankfully I had the decency to check what it was before I destroyed it. For my Raven had returned and with a scroll in his grasp. I let him in the window – which he had been knocking against moments before with his black beak – before releasing what was sure to be a letter from his possession. For a while I simply watched it, pondering on what Konoha might have replied. If it were money it had come slightly late, for both me and Naruto had earned enough money to live comfortably.

Kippomaru had been gracious enough as to let us live here for free and was still charging us nothing for the apartment, while also paying us a fair wage. However, with the knowledge that once you bought a house here you paid nothing on it, it would have been greedy to ask any more from us. Though I knew other people did. Since my change in courses at the educational establishment I generally worked less than Naruto did. However; it was Naruto's money that we used to buy food and luxuries, since mine we were using to save – for what we weren't sure but it seemed smart, in my opinion, to do so – and since I did the house work around here it seemed fair. Of course, it also meant I had less say in what rubbish Naruto wished to buy, which wasn't always the best thing.

The only decision I had made was to buy a new couch. Naruto hadn't argued but had wanted to keep the other one also, so that we had more room for when our 'friends' visited. They did, and quite often, so I had not argued with him on that point. Yes, our friends…they weren't necessarily mine, though they seemed to think so. I didn't not talk to them…I just kept my mouth closed and spoke when spoken to. They seemed to respect my silence which I thought graceful of them. For that I wouldn't say they were likeable, but certainly tolerable.

I do remember one day when me and Naruto had been loudly introduced to the rest of Mai's friends. It had gone down shockingly well. Naruto had seemed even more surprised than I was when everybody seemed to adore him. Not that the dobe had complained – quite the opposite. There had been issues though…with a certain relationship within the group that troubled Naruto as much as it did me. And I'm not troubled easily…not now.

We had been sitting on the same bench as the first day – which we now sat at each time we met – when Mai had come running, a group of three behind her. I immediately recognised the two boys as her brother and the lanky one he had been with. There was a girl too, her name was Tessa*, with Purple hair and violet eyes. She was short, a lot shorted than even Mai - who was by no recognition a tall girl – and wore highly revealing clothing as well as a permanent grin.

I took time to look more closely at the second boy also; who I'd paid no attention to days before. This one was tall, taller than everyone here; myself and Naruto included, yet his appearance told that he was in no way threatening, in fact he looked shy. His hair was what really caught my attention though, for it was longer than even Neji's and was a spectacular colour; a hue of grey and fawn. His skin was also a very pale colour, not as pale as my own but certainly paler than I'd seen in many people. He was a little more interesting than I had first mistaken him. He was introduced as Lusca*.

What was even more interesting was the friendship he had with Mika – the brother – for they seemed insistently close. Unnecessarily so. It was disturbing to say the least. And when we sat at the bench, even me who preferred to lay on it, I couldn't help but notice that they sat next to each other, touching hands in the most intimate way. Mika would take Lusca's hand in his and play with the fingers, stroking up his arm with the strangest movements. I wouldn't open my mouth though; it was none of my business. I didn't need to know. It was probably nothing...

Yet one of the weirdest things was that Lusca barely seemed to notice, and both of them spoke completely normally, though their fiddling fingers were in clear view. It certainly was a strange dilemma. I didn't know what to think, so I tried to pay less attention to their linked hands and more on the topics of conversation.

I didn't open my mouth; however the same didn't go for a certain blond. I have to admit though, no matter my unwillingness to pry into others business, just when Mai and Mika were to leave to buy food, something substantially...evidential…happened. Mika had turned to Lusca and said he would buy him something, and had kissed him – on the lips – after the blushing boy had asked for toffee. What was worse was that nobody else seemed to notice! The siblings wondered off without another word and I almost thought I was alone in my thoughts until Naruto spoke up.

"What the hell was that?" I remember him asking. When he only received confused glances from the two left at the table, I seriously considered speaking for myself. But, as it turned out, I didn't need to. Once Naruto starts something he finishes it.

"He just kissed you!" was the next exclamation. But again all he got in response was funny looks. So he seemed to let the lack of response sober him down. "I…don't understand…"

"He's my boyfriend, why wouldn't he kiss me?" Lusca said quietly, obviously not knowing where the blond was coming from.

"Yeah, but. How can he be your boyfriend? You're a boy too." That's the part I was struggling with myself, though I had it pretty much figured out in my head, all I needed was conformation and the gasp I heard gave me that. It came from Tessa along with "oh, please tell me you're not from one of those villages! The ones where it, like, isn't allowed." Well, as a matter of fact we were. I subtly – I hope – kicked Naruto under the table, clearly telling him to shut it.

"W-well…no. No, but I just hadn't seen it before. That's all." He said and gave an overly rambunctious laugh, which Mai joined as she returned with Mika. Conversation over.

So that had been that, and since that day we had tended to gather together whenever we had free time from lessons, though I was sometimes on my own since I had so many more lessons, but Lusca had taken quite a number too and Mai as well, but it was harder to get times together. It turned out Mika and I had similar personalities, and he was the one with whom I spoke to most. But both Naruto and I kept our lips firmly sealed when it came to gay relationships. It certainly had not been allowed back in Konoha. Certainly not. Ninja were all about bloodlines and purity and so heirs were a necessity. Anyone who was gay had to be straight. That's just all there was about it. It isn't as though they were punished for being that way, only if they acted upon their desires. Everyone knew better than that.

I forced my concentration out of my mind and back on the scroll at hand. Unrolling it, I soon realised that it was, in fact, a letter. I almost snorted when I saw how messy the handwriting became as Tsunade continued throughout. By the bottom there were ink splodges everywhere and even a few holes in the page. I couldn't imagine how many of my Raven's pages she had used before calming herself enough to write this one. Sasuke,   I must admit, I did not believe you when first I read your letter. It seemed impossible that one such as you would actually save a comrades life. Especially one whom you had dragged to his death in the first place.   Your audacity astounds me however, as not one week ago Akatsuki gave us a friendly little visit. They threatened our people; they burned our houses; they wreaked havoc and all because you had stolen their 'precious fox'.   Don't mistake me Uchiha; I would much rather have that than Naruto's death.   But how dare you! Why lure him away in the first place if only to save him? Where is the logic? Where is the sense? I thought you were intelligent - a prodigy! You're nothing but a fool!   But since I know you have Naruto I will not ask where you are, for his safety solely. But if I find out, and I will find out, that you have hurt him, I swear on all the lives in Konoha I will hunt you down and rip you to peaces.   I will contact again only when it is needed. I will let you know Akatsuki's movements whenever I can.   Godaime Hokage, Tsunade.

What…what a bitch! I saved his life! How could she say that I'm a fool? Bitch! Another reason to add to the list of why I'd never return. Hn, and people used to call her a princess? Stealing myself another glance outside I made my way out of bed and through to the bathroom, dispersing my Raven and the note with him, a frown marring my features. It was always slightly cooler through there and I had hoped it would calm me down from both the dream and the note. Instead it only helped my thoughts to build up. And as I peered through the door to Naruto's sleeping form I recalled the main topic of conversation for the day.

My whole day had been filled with talk of 'cherries' though I know the reference was not of fruit. It angered me how I had not realized sooner; in fact, it had taken me all day to figure it out…

"Och, you see that girl. She is such a whore! Honestly, she'll open her legs for any male in sight." Mai critiqued while looking shamelessly upon a young girl with glasses and a short skirt.

"There's nothing wrong with, like, flirting a little once in a while." Replied a flushed Tessa, who I have noticed cares not about who she flirts with. I had noticed her batting her eye lashes in Naruto's direction many times.

Mai frowned a little, looking pensive. "No…but there is something wrong with popping your cherry when you're eleven years old." She laughed, tears forming in her eyes. "And Tessa, for all your flirtatiousness you ain't lost yours yet!"

I remember trying to remain calm, trying to sit still without making it seem forced, but they'd never spoken of anything unfamiliar yet and looking over at Naruto I realised, judging by the mirth in his eyes, he probably knew what they were talking about as well. That was when I really began to feel cut out.

"Speaking of which! Who here has, like, still got it?" Tessa boasted, as though it were bad if you didn't have the 'cherry'.

Mai's laugh vibrated through us all yet again, and I was glad I'd begun to grow used to it. "Well, you know I've not got it anymore," she pouted prettily, seeming very innocent, which made most of us laugh, though Mika and I remained unresponsive, as usual, I no longer offended anyone by it.

Eyes turned to Lusca, in Mika's arms, who blushed deeply and turned his face away, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation. "Hey, hey!" Mai interjected, before anyone else could speak up, "We already know the story with them! I know I remember that time we camped on the beach all too well-"

"M-mai! We didn't do anything that time." An overly embarrassed Lusca defended, though I noticed the smirk on Mika's face and knew he must be lying. I really wanted to know what it was they were talking about though…

"Hey, we should do that again with Naru-!" Tessa exclaimed, but quickly cut herself off. "Naruto! What about you? Have you, like, you know…done it?" Done what? I knew they were going to ask me in a minute and I wanted to just lie and say yes or no but then I've never really been a fan of lies.

"Err…well," I noticed Naruto rubbing at the back of his neck. Maybe he didn't know what they were talking about either…cherries? I was sure it wasn't. "Yeah, I have." A chorus of 'oooh's swarmed through the group and I wanted to know so much! But all eyes turned to me and I could feel the heat in my cheeks though I knew it would be invisible.

"Well Sasuke, am I the only one here who's not popped my cherry or what?" Maybe I should just say I had…then I'd be with the majority. But I wasn't so fortunate.

"Sasuke," the voice was Naruto's but I refused to make eye contact. This was so stupid! "Do you even know what…what we're on about?" I took a slow glance round the group, hoping they wouldn't pick up on the idiot's question as fact. The sly smile on Mai's face and the exclamation of 'oh my god, you actua-" and I was out of there. I didn't meet the group for the rest of the day and didn't go to work at night either. I wasn't sulking. I was just…feeling annoyed that I didn't know something that seemed to be common knowledge. I couldn't even guess!

"So what crawled up your ass, teme?" was the relatively calm question from the dobe as he seated himself on the couch with a sandwich earlier tonight. I'd eaten before that; having had the time from what would normally have been spent working. I'd ignored him though and he didn't speak again until after finishing the sandwich. I think it was ham and cheese; he ate less Ramen here, I noticed.

"Oh come on!" he exploded, as I knew he would. "It means sex! Have you had sex? The cherry is virginity, gee! No need to go in such a mood." I frowned. God that was so obvious. Wait…sex? Naruto had had sex? When? With who?

"You've had sex?" I faced him head on as he stammered in obvious discomfort.

"Wh-what do you care? Yes I have. Just like you I bet! You're not the only one who grew up while away!" I think he felt the temperature drop, but I couldn't care less. Did I have a sign on my head saying 'slut' or 'whore'? No? Then why did he automatically assume I'd had sex. I barely knew what sex was! Not that I cared! Who cared about stupid hormones! I can still remember the anger that had sizzled through me then.

Naruto was supposed to have the bed tonight, but I'd kicked him out whenever he tried to sneak in. Eventually he gave up; so much for his determination. Idiot Dobe! But…it agitated me to think that he's so experienced, that he had actually…had sex. I'm not sure what I thought before about sex and Naruto but I was now a little perturbed by the information. I suppose that I had always presumed he spent all his time training to bring me back. I never considered the possibility of him having…relationships…with other people.

The thought didn't please me, not in the slightest. I hadn't taken an interest in sex at all yet. None of the women I'd come into contact with had ever peaked that particular point for me. In all honesty sex was something I knew very little – almost nothing – about. Except that it made babies. And that if you were unlucky then you could catch diseases. But when it came to actually doing that sort of stuff I had…no idea.

I knew how to masturbate, but I'd never done it. I supposed I would just fiddle around and rub myself until I…I don't know really…felt good? People must masturbate for a reason…I just wasn't very sure what that reason was, so I had never done it. I wondered what the appeal was. I wondered if I tried it would I realize. I certainly didn't like not knowing. Not liking was better than not knowing.

So maybe I should try it? That was what crossed my mind. What harm would it do? But as I disposed of my boxers and took hold of myself I found I was in a rather embarrassing predicament. When I touched myself it felt…ordinary. There was nothing different about it. Was that masturbation? I rubbed my limp member slowly first, then picking up pace, then moving my hand in different ways, adding pressure, grasping and un-grasping. But all in all I was fairly…bored by it.

I had no idea why people would ever want to do something as stupid and insignificant as that. It was just embarrassing and I felt like an imbecile for even trying. If that was what sex felt like then I would probably never engage in it. At all. No matter what experience the dobe had.

And so I returned to bed.

…

Chichiue means father (when speaking of your own father) for those who didn't know…and for those who are interested otousan is if you're addressing your father or speaking of someone else's. Haha is the same – for mother - and okaasan to speak of someone else's or directly to your own…Yay I did my research. I feel quite proud…even if you guys already knew that before.

Okay, another update! I had planned to make this one slightly longer, however I'm leaving in three hours to go on holiday to Bulgaria with my friends. So I thought I'd update before I go, just to be nice…

So I hope you love the chapter!

Tessa* pronounced "teh-sah".

Lusca* pronounced "loo-s-kah".

Xx..xX