Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Sexy no Omake ❯ Sexy no Omake: Smoke and mirrors 2 ( Chapter 15 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: ShroudBlack 
In which the shit hits the fan and heated words are exchanged before a middle ground can be found.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.16.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 531 | Status: Work In Progress
In which the shit hits the fan and heated words are exchanged before a middle ground can be found.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.16.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 531 | Status: Work In Progress
It was late at night, the streets empty and all the windows dark. Gai intellectually knew that he needed to get some more sleep but he couldn't find the peace of mind to get that sleep. Now that the alcohol had run it's course his mind just wouldn't stop flashing pieces of the last evening at him. He stared blankly at the dark ceiling, following the shadows that were cast over it from the street lights. Deciding that he might as well use the time for some beneficial purpose Gai sat up, his thin sheet slipping down to pool at his waist. It was never too later or early to train.
It was at that precise moment that... was that a knock at Gai's door? Indeed, it was a sloppy one, alternating between louder and softer than needed.
Jumping a bit at the unexpected sound Gai threw a look in the direction of the door to his apartment. Grabbing his pyjama bottoms he slipped into the loose fabric and carefully crept to his door. Turning the door knob he opened the lock not knowing what to expect.
On Gai's doorstep, was Kakashi. Well, in Gai's doorframe was more correct. He had to lean against it for balance, his hair even more tousled than usual, and his eyes slightly bloodshot. The smell of alcohol was strong on him and his rumpled clothing, still the same ones that he had been seen leaving the club in. Kakashi's mask and eye patch were still in place, but even so you could tell he gave Gai a lopsided grin.
"Heeeeeey..." he drawled out. ... Not all of the alcohol had left his system, clearly.
"Kakashi..." Gai wasn't sure what else to say to the bedraggled figure that occupied his doorframe. Taking in all details of his rivals appearance he opened the door further in a tacit invitation to come in. "Why are you here and not at home?" He wondered as he stepped aside to let the other ninja pass.
Kakashi stepped into Gai's home. He was still graceful, even drunk, just less outstandingly so. "Mmmm... can't find my house key..." he murmured, taking in Gai's house as he scanned the place instinctively.
It was a nice apartment all in all. The living room the two men were now standing in was surprisingly large with a warm wooden parquet, an old comfortable sofa pushed in one corner and a few shelves along the walls the only real furniture in the room. From where Kakashi stood he could see the counter that separated the kitchen and the living room and a single door that lead into a dark room. Most likely that was Gai's bedroom. The light falling in from the large windows and the balcony doors made the training gear cluttering the floor before them throw grotesque shadows, distorting it and making it look like fantastic monsters and other creatures.
Closing the door behind Kakashi Gai reached for the light switch. " Can I offer you something? A glass water maybe?" he asked.
Finding no danger here, Kakashi let his weight shift to one foot and his defences drop. "Ah, yeaaah, sure." He said, almost sounding like a yawn. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked, running a hand through his already messed hair.
"Sure. Make yourself comfortable," Gai replied, making his way to the kitchen. Running the water before filling a glass he listened to the sound of his rival's movements.
Kakashi took another glance around the room before taking off his shoes and sprawling out on the couch. It was soft, and comfortable, and Kakashi found himself relaxing quickly in it's warm embrace. He was about to ask Gai where he got it, but found his muscles going sluggish and unresponsive as he began to drift off into a peaceful sleep.
Returning to Kakashi's side Gai gazed down at the other man, contemplating whether or not he should wake the other man again. Setting the glass of water on the floor next to the couch he gently shook Kakashi.
Kakashi's eye shot open and he sat up at the gentle shaking. "What, huh?"
"You should drink something. After that you can get some sleep in my bed." Gai offered, retrieving the glass and holding it up, his nose scrunching up at the close up of Kakashi's scent cloud. "And maybe a shower..."
Kakashi pulled his mask down, bringing the glass to his lips. After taking a few drinks, he smiled at Gai again. "Do both include you?"
Gai blinked. "Well I was just getting ready for my morning training," he answered.
Kakashi pouted in disappointment, the move over-exaggerated with his current state. "Always training... maa... oh well."
"The genius of hard works takes time." Gai refuted, aware that Kakashi probably couldn't care less about anything he was saying in the state he was in. Pressing the glass into Kakashi's hand he straightened. "I'll get dressed then I'll show you the bathroom and give you a towel if you want."
Kakashi let out a small sound of approval, draining the rest of the water in the glass. He wanted to pull Gai down, to insist he stay, continue the high he had right now as long as he could... After all, Gai had dark hair, and messed a little from bed, well... it was close enough...
Smiling his approval Gai held out his hand. "I'll get you another glass." he offered, unaware of Kakashi's thoughts.
Faster than one would think he'd be able to move in this state, Kakashi grabbed Gai's wrist instead, pulling hard to get the other man to join him on the couch.
Not expecting it Gai overbalanced and after a brief struggle crashed down on the couch, sprawled halfway over Kakashi. "Wha...?Kakashi!" he groaned realizing what had happened. "What was that supposed to be?" he grumbled moving to the side and off the other ninja in preparation of getting up again. His loose pants hanging precariously low on his narrow hips.
Kakashi wrapped an arm around Gai, dragging him down once more. His mouth attached to Gai's neck as he murmured "Stay." around the skin, letting his eyes slide shut, letting himself slip back into the fantasy from earlier. A strong thin hand reached down to grab at Gai's ass.
Gai startled at the hand on his ass. So far Kakashi had, the last incident at the Onsen aside, never shown any interest in switching roles. A nervous shiver ran down his spine, after what he had seen at the club he really was unsure what to think about this. "Kakashi.." he tried again only to be cut short by a moan as Kakashi mouth pressed against the still visible mark he had left there before.
Kakashi's hands, his kisses, they were all surprisingly gentle as they moved across Gai's skin, more so than he'd ever been before during sex. "Stay." he repeated, breathless. "Stay with me." He let Gai's wrist go, bringing his hand up to stroke Gai's cheek.
As much as he was enjoying this change in Kakashi's usual approach to sex, Gai couldn't throw off the feeling that something was not right here. Nuzzling against Kakashi's hand he nodded his assent not sure what else to do. Kakashi seemed so vulnerable at the moment that Gai didn't dare question him. .
As if in a trance, Kakashi continued to cover Gai with kisses and gentle caresses. Even without Gai moving to get away, Kakashi continued to breath out the plaintive 'stay', pressing against Gai's skin. He acted boldly, but managed to seem even more fragile through it. When he glanced up to meet Gai's eyes for a moment, it could be seen there... he wasn't looking at Gai. He was looking at something far distant, a delicate memory that would break if shaken.
That was it then. Gai passively gazed at Kakashi, letting the other man continue in his affections. He felt as if something was strangling him, making it hard to swallow and cutting of his air supply. His heart hurt, going out to Kakashi, seeing how much the other man must have suffered ever since Obito's death and still suffered. But at the same time it hurt just as bad being used as a cheap substitute for something that was irreplaceably lost. It went against everything Gai held dear to continue this charade but at the same time the thought of forcing Kakashi to face the harsh reality seemed crueller then anything else he had ever been forced to do during his time as shinobi.
Without any protests (yet) from Gai, Kakashi continued. He shifted their positions so it was Gai who was against the sofa with Kakashi over him. He didn't dare speak Obito's name and closed his eyes, sight only told the truth and he didn't want the truth right now. With feather-light caresses he slid his hands into the waistband of Gai's pants.
It was too much, Gai closed his eyes as well so he wouldn't have to see what would happen next. In a low voice that still easily covered the distance between them he interrupted Kakashi's dream. "I can't replace him, " the words fell crisp and clear. "You only hurt yourself more with this."
Kakashi stopped his movement, held there, fingers just under the waistband, lips just above skin once more, breath held in his throat. Gai didn't have to see Kakashi's face to see it, the sudden aching loneliness, unbearable sorrow, just for a moment coming to surface. Slowly, silently, he removed his hands from Gai and stood, pulling his mask back up in one fluid motion, regarding Gai with that distant, unfeeling gaze before turning and making his way to the door, without a word.
"Wait!" Gai jumped up and followed him quickly. "You have to stop clinging to the past Kakashi! It has nothing to offer you, do you really think they would want that?" He was well aware that he was stepping on unstable ground, but somebody had to make the grey-haired man see that he was wasting his life. "Do you think Obito would want that?" he asked again, his voice a soft murmur.
Kakashi paused to listen to Gai speak, placing his hand on the doorframe for balance. He was silent, apparently listening until Gai had said his piece. Once there was a long enough pause that it seemed Gai was done, Kakashi merely gave a non-committal shrug. "...It really isn't any of your business." He said, voice tired, then continued to walk away.
"Then I am making it my business." Gai retorted grabbing Kakashi's arm in a bid to make the man stay. "We are friends, are we not?"
"All my precious people are dead." Kakashi said, yanking his arm from Gai's grasp, not caring if it would
leave him with bruises later. "You'd be safer not trying to be one."
“That's nonsense Kakashi. Nobody will come to harm just because YOU care for them!" Moving to block Kakashi's way Gai squarely met his rival's gaze. " We have ALL lost somebody important to us before.."
“Who?" Kakashi asked, voice calm and emotionless behind his mask.
"Why does it matter?! I'm not going to play ‘my loss is greater than yours’ with you." Gai was the counterpart to Kakashi, neither cool nor calm, but flushed with emotion in his effort to make the other man understand.
"It DOES matter!" Kakashi slammed his hand against the doorframe. "WHO?!"
"Why?" Gai countered not sure this sudden violence counted as a victory or not but unwilling to bow before it. If Kakashi wanted to intimidate him he had a long way yet to go.
Kakashi gritted his teeth behind his mask. "Because whether or not I listen to you depends on what you say. Now, who? And how many?"
Gai grit his teeth, rarely had he ever wanted to deck Kakashi this badly. " Why, is there a special qualification you get with a minimum number of dead people needed?" was itching to fly from his lips, but he got the feeling no matter how angry this arrogance made him, pushing Kakashi further would not yield any results. Slumping against the door he nodded in defeat. "Fine. You want to know? I'll tell you." However if the silver haired man put him though this only to tell him it wasn't enough Gai would not be held responsible for any property and bodily damage that would result.
Kakashi crossed his arms and waited. He couldn't imagine Gai had the same perfect fatality rate Kakashi seemed to carry with him. Sure, two of his three students were in the hospital, but they were all in Konoha. They were all safe now. Kakashi didn't even have that.
Leaning his head back against the wood of the door Gai closed his eyes so that he would not have to see Kakashi during this task. "I lost my father and his brother during the wars. They died on a mission a few weeks before my birth. My first Jounin sensei was killed together with one of my cell mates later during the wars as well. The woman who replaced him was killed with my remaining cell member by the Kyuubi, as was my mother and my little sister." Tears had started making their silent tracks down his face halfway through the story. Wiping them of Gai glared at Kakashi once more. "None of my Gennins are dead, but....they came so close.." Fighting down the guilt over Neji and Lee's injuries anger replaced it. "Is that enough for you? Do I qualify for your special club now!" With his fists clenched at his sides and his chest moving quickly with short angry breathes Gai managed to look more dangerous in his simple pyjama bottoms than he did most of the time standing on the battle field in his green jumpsuit.
Slowly, Kakashi's aggressive body language relaxed, became more passive as he listened, though his expression remained even and unmoved. Once Gai had finished talking, without any sound, Kakashi attempted to duck around Gai and get to the door.
Blocking Kakashi easily since he was standing with his back to the door already, Gai glowered.
Kakashi sighed. Gai was going to make this difficult, of course. Instead, then, Kakashi turned and started to head to the balcony. It wouldn't be as convenient as the door, but it would be easy enough.
"Why are you running away from me again, now...?" the voice sounded as if it couldn't possibly belong to the man who had looked ready to jump and beat Kakashi just a moment ago. It was low, layered with sadness, exhaustion, loneliness and a dying hope.
At the balcony, Kakashi stopped, his hands against the glass door that lead out to it. "...I guess that makes it 53 to 50 now, in your favour." was all he said, though he didn't move to open the door after he spoke, just leaning against it for support.
"I told you I wasn't going to play this game with you." Slow footsteps sounded against the wooden floor until Gai stood behind Kakashi, close enough that his breath moved his hair but just shy of touching him, leaving that option open for Kakashi.
Kakashi's hand went to the handle to get the door open, then stopped. He wanted to run, yes, but... staying couldn't be any worse, really. So he leaned back against Gai, letting his eyes close. "I'm not as strong as you." he said.
Supporting his rival Gai wrapped his arms around him in an offer of solace. " It's not strength you need.”
Kakashi tried to ignore the peace that the warmth of Gai's arms brought. He knew he was betraying someone's memory by finding solace there, by wanting to just stay there and hide from the world forever. "Then what do I need?" Kakashi couldn't help but ask.
Thinking back at what the Not-Kakashi in his dreams had said Gai tried to formulate it into something Kakashi would be able to accept. "You need to let go of the past, and you need to stop blaming and punishing yourself for it." It was far from perfect but at the moment Gai felt to wrung out to try and bend his words into the proper shape. "You can't live in the past. The only thing it accomplishes is isolating you from the present...and the future."
"That's easier said than done." was all Kakashi could say. Gai made a valid point, and Kakashi had known this for quite some time. Try as he might, though, he couldn't leave the past behind. It wouldn't let itself be forgotten and in a way Kakashi felt he DID deserve punishment of some kind, that never forgetting or letting it leave his heart was his penance for it. ...and if he didn't remember, who would?
Sighing Gai rested his head on one of Kakashi's shoulders. "I know it is. But I don't have all the answers. Do you think that I am not haunted by the dead?" Allowing himself a brief moment of weakness Gai took comfort as well as gave it to the warm weight resting against him. "But I have to believe that they wouldn't want to see me doing anything foolish in their name."
Kakashi was a warm weight against Gai's chest, just letting himself relax there. He could do penance for it later. Why was Gai so insistent on forcing Kakashi to 'get better'...? Why did he care? "What do you want from me?" he asked.
Lifting his head and resting his chin on Kakashi's shoulder Gai shook his head. "I just told you."
"But, why? Don't you have anything more?" Kakashi couldn't believe anyone was so selfless as that.
“I would like to see you truly happy," Gai pondered. "And enjoying life with all the youthfulness you have left."
"I don't have any youthfulness left." Kakashi said, voice tired. "I became an adult when I got this eye."
"Even adults can have youthfulness. Just take Jiraiya-sama, he's a veritable fountain of it despite his age." Gai protested gently.
"I don't." Kakashi insisted, still not moving from Gai's embrace.
"Sure you do. You just forgot about it. All you need is to allow it back." Of that Gai was certain.
"I'm not sure that would be best for me, anyway." Kakashi insisted. "I think I'd rather stay right where I am."
Blinking Gai wondered whether that was a metaphor as well or not. "Well I guess it's is your own choice in the end," finally was his reply .
"Mmm." Kakashi said, sighing. "...Do you want me to stay here or leave?"
"I would like it if you stayed...." Gai fought down a yawn. In fact now that the whole adrenalin had left his system he felt tired again.
“And, if I stayed, what would you have me do?" Kakashi asked. Truth be told, he was tired as well.
Recalling what he had intended to do before Kakashi had messed up his plans Gai's nose wrinkled. "Probably get a shower and some sleep. If you want you can have my bed."
Kakashi sighed, thinking aloud. "Huh, how big is your bed?"
Gai searched his brain for a name for the particular size his bed had, but since it had been quite some time since he had bought it and he generally didn't pay much attention to things like that, he came up with a blank. "It's...a bit smaller then yours." he hedged. "But you're not THAT tall so you should fit well enough." Raising one of the hands that had been wrapped about Kakashi's middle he barely managed to cover his yawn.
Kakashi pondered thoughtfully. "...Would we both fit on it?" He wasn't in the mood for sex, but he also wasn't in the mood to be alone if he was going to stay at Gai's.
"Errr.. probably, but I...it might be a close fit." Gai really wasn't in the mood to put up with Kakashi should he decided to get frisky again.
"I'm okay with that." Kakashi said, carefully 'sidestepping' Gai's attempt to get out of it.
Dropping his head in defeat Gai sighed. "Shower first. You smell." Letting his hands drop he stepped away from Kakashi and moved to the dark doorway leading into his bedroom. "I'm getting you a towel and the bathroom is through here too." He explained disappearing in the darkness before the lights got switched on a second later.
For a few moments Kakashi entertained the idea of just leaving while Gai was otherwise occupied, going back to his own house and sleeping, wallowing in his misery that he so rightly deserved. But that would probably hurt Gai more than staying, so Kakashi just sighed and went to the bathroom. He stripped out of his club clothing with little difficulty, finding a few stains he previously hadn't known about. He took his shower cooler than he normally did so he didn't use up all of Gai's hot water as well.
Gai took the time Kakashi needed to critically eye his bed. He hadn't been lying when he'd said it would be a close fit. Yawning again he flopped onto the inviting sheets, the sounds of the shower lulling him into a light doze.
After he judged himself sufficiently clean, Kakashi turned the shower off and began to towel off. It occurred to him he had no sleeping clothing here. Well, at least he was comfortable enough nude, anyway. When he felt he was dry enough, he stepped out of the bathroom and to the bedroom, bothering with only his mask as covering for his face.
Snapping awake at the sound of the door closing Gai blinked for a moment before spying Kakashi and his decided lack of clothing. "I'll get you some of my pyjamas" he quickly offered almost falling of the low bed in his haste. "They should fit you well enough, after all sleep clothing is supposed to be loose anyway!" Gai rambled while rooting through a set of drawers at the foot of the bed.
Kakashi shrugged. "It's okay, I'd probably just overheat in the sleep clothing, anyway. I usually sleep naked around this time of year if I can."
Absent minded Gai nodded. "It is a lot nicer that way." he responded while looking considering at a pair of old shorts.
Without seeing any further objections, Kakashi padded over to the bed and climbed in, removing his mask only when he had the covers pulled up over his face.
Hearing the sounds of his rival settling down Gai shook his head and put the shorts back before straightening and stepping up to the bed. "At least you don't snore." he joked half heartedly before creeping underneath the blankets as well. Once there everything else lost at importance as the siren song of his big, fluffy pillow enveloped him. Mumbling a last "G'night Kakashi." he nuzzled against it and was instantly asleep again.
Kakashi did not fall asleep right away. When he got into the bed, he didn't feel sleepy anymore. Tired, sure, but not sleepy. Instead he found himself entranced by watching Gai sleep, eyes half-lidded. He wasn't exactly peaceful, but probably the closest he would be able to get to it.
Over the time since their mission to the hot spring Gai had grown accustomed to sharing a bed with Kakashi and sensing the body heat of another he drifted even closer then the small bed already forced them, ending with Gai securely wrapped around his rival and a content expression on his face that made him seem younger, like a young man again instead of the battle hardened Jounin and ANBU he was. The only thing spoiling that illusion were the many scars layered across his body.
Kakashi would feel terribly guilty later for feeling as close to peace as he felt now, but soon he was pressed as close to Gai as he could, falling asleep to the sound of Gai's heartbeat.
It was at that precise moment that... was that a knock at Gai's door? Indeed, it was a sloppy one, alternating between louder and softer than needed.
Jumping a bit at the unexpected sound Gai threw a look in the direction of the door to his apartment. Grabbing his pyjama bottoms he slipped into the loose fabric and carefully crept to his door. Turning the door knob he opened the lock not knowing what to expect.
On Gai's doorstep, was Kakashi. Well, in Gai's doorframe was more correct. He had to lean against it for balance, his hair even more tousled than usual, and his eyes slightly bloodshot. The smell of alcohol was strong on him and his rumpled clothing, still the same ones that he had been seen leaving the club in. Kakashi's mask and eye patch were still in place, but even so you could tell he gave Gai a lopsided grin.
"Heeeeeey..." he drawled out. ... Not all of the alcohol had left his system, clearly.
"Kakashi..." Gai wasn't sure what else to say to the bedraggled figure that occupied his doorframe. Taking in all details of his rivals appearance he opened the door further in a tacit invitation to come in. "Why are you here and not at home?" He wondered as he stepped aside to let the other ninja pass.
Kakashi stepped into Gai's home. He was still graceful, even drunk, just less outstandingly so. "Mmmm... can't find my house key..." he murmured, taking in Gai's house as he scanned the place instinctively.
It was a nice apartment all in all. The living room the two men were now standing in was surprisingly large with a warm wooden parquet, an old comfortable sofa pushed in one corner and a few shelves along the walls the only real furniture in the room. From where Kakashi stood he could see the counter that separated the kitchen and the living room and a single door that lead into a dark room. Most likely that was Gai's bedroom. The light falling in from the large windows and the balcony doors made the training gear cluttering the floor before them throw grotesque shadows, distorting it and making it look like fantastic monsters and other creatures.
Closing the door behind Kakashi Gai reached for the light switch. " Can I offer you something? A glass water maybe?" he asked.
Finding no danger here, Kakashi let his weight shift to one foot and his defences drop. "Ah, yeaaah, sure." He said, almost sounding like a yawn. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked, running a hand through his already messed hair.
"Sure. Make yourself comfortable," Gai replied, making his way to the kitchen. Running the water before filling a glass he listened to the sound of his rival's movements.
Kakashi took another glance around the room before taking off his shoes and sprawling out on the couch. It was soft, and comfortable, and Kakashi found himself relaxing quickly in it's warm embrace. He was about to ask Gai where he got it, but found his muscles going sluggish and unresponsive as he began to drift off into a peaceful sleep.
Returning to Kakashi's side Gai gazed down at the other man, contemplating whether or not he should wake the other man again. Setting the glass of water on the floor next to the couch he gently shook Kakashi.
Kakashi's eye shot open and he sat up at the gentle shaking. "What, huh?"
"You should drink something. After that you can get some sleep in my bed." Gai offered, retrieving the glass and holding it up, his nose scrunching up at the close up of Kakashi's scent cloud. "And maybe a shower..."
Kakashi pulled his mask down, bringing the glass to his lips. After taking a few drinks, he smiled at Gai again. "Do both include you?"
Gai blinked. "Well I was just getting ready for my morning training," he answered.
Kakashi pouted in disappointment, the move over-exaggerated with his current state. "Always training... maa... oh well."
"The genius of hard works takes time." Gai refuted, aware that Kakashi probably couldn't care less about anything he was saying in the state he was in. Pressing the glass into Kakashi's hand he straightened. "I'll get dressed then I'll show you the bathroom and give you a towel if you want."
Kakashi let out a small sound of approval, draining the rest of the water in the glass. He wanted to pull Gai down, to insist he stay, continue the high he had right now as long as he could... After all, Gai had dark hair, and messed a little from bed, well... it was close enough...
Smiling his approval Gai held out his hand. "I'll get you another glass." he offered, unaware of Kakashi's thoughts.
Faster than one would think he'd be able to move in this state, Kakashi grabbed Gai's wrist instead, pulling hard to get the other man to join him on the couch.
Not expecting it Gai overbalanced and after a brief struggle crashed down on the couch, sprawled halfway over Kakashi. "Wha...?Kakashi!" he groaned realizing what had happened. "What was that supposed to be?" he grumbled moving to the side and off the other ninja in preparation of getting up again. His loose pants hanging precariously low on his narrow hips.
Kakashi wrapped an arm around Gai, dragging him down once more. His mouth attached to Gai's neck as he murmured "Stay." around the skin, letting his eyes slide shut, letting himself slip back into the fantasy from earlier. A strong thin hand reached down to grab at Gai's ass.
Gai startled at the hand on his ass. So far Kakashi had, the last incident at the Onsen aside, never shown any interest in switching roles. A nervous shiver ran down his spine, after what he had seen at the club he really was unsure what to think about this. "Kakashi.." he tried again only to be cut short by a moan as Kakashi mouth pressed against the still visible mark he had left there before.
Kakashi's hands, his kisses, they were all surprisingly gentle as they moved across Gai's skin, more so than he'd ever been before during sex. "Stay." he repeated, breathless. "Stay with me." He let Gai's wrist go, bringing his hand up to stroke Gai's cheek.
As much as he was enjoying this change in Kakashi's usual approach to sex, Gai couldn't throw off the feeling that something was not right here. Nuzzling against Kakashi's hand he nodded his assent not sure what else to do. Kakashi seemed so vulnerable at the moment that Gai didn't dare question him. .
As if in a trance, Kakashi continued to cover Gai with kisses and gentle caresses. Even without Gai moving to get away, Kakashi continued to breath out the plaintive 'stay', pressing against Gai's skin. He acted boldly, but managed to seem even more fragile through it. When he glanced up to meet Gai's eyes for a moment, it could be seen there... he wasn't looking at Gai. He was looking at something far distant, a delicate memory that would break if shaken.
That was it then. Gai passively gazed at Kakashi, letting the other man continue in his affections. He felt as if something was strangling him, making it hard to swallow and cutting of his air supply. His heart hurt, going out to Kakashi, seeing how much the other man must have suffered ever since Obito's death and still suffered. But at the same time it hurt just as bad being used as a cheap substitute for something that was irreplaceably lost. It went against everything Gai held dear to continue this charade but at the same time the thought of forcing Kakashi to face the harsh reality seemed crueller then anything else he had ever been forced to do during his time as shinobi.
Without any protests (yet) from Gai, Kakashi continued. He shifted their positions so it was Gai who was against the sofa with Kakashi over him. He didn't dare speak Obito's name and closed his eyes, sight only told the truth and he didn't want the truth right now. With feather-light caresses he slid his hands into the waistband of Gai's pants.
It was too much, Gai closed his eyes as well so he wouldn't have to see what would happen next. In a low voice that still easily covered the distance between them he interrupted Kakashi's dream. "I can't replace him, " the words fell crisp and clear. "You only hurt yourself more with this."
Kakashi stopped his movement, held there, fingers just under the waistband, lips just above skin once more, breath held in his throat. Gai didn't have to see Kakashi's face to see it, the sudden aching loneliness, unbearable sorrow, just for a moment coming to surface. Slowly, silently, he removed his hands from Gai and stood, pulling his mask back up in one fluid motion, regarding Gai with that distant, unfeeling gaze before turning and making his way to the door, without a word.
"Wait!" Gai jumped up and followed him quickly. "You have to stop clinging to the past Kakashi! It has nothing to offer you, do you really think they would want that?" He was well aware that he was stepping on unstable ground, but somebody had to make the grey-haired man see that he was wasting his life. "Do you think Obito would want that?" he asked again, his voice a soft murmur.
Kakashi paused to listen to Gai speak, placing his hand on the doorframe for balance. He was silent, apparently listening until Gai had said his piece. Once there was a long enough pause that it seemed Gai was done, Kakashi merely gave a non-committal shrug. "...It really isn't any of your business." He said, voice tired, then continued to walk away.
"Then I am making it my business." Gai retorted grabbing Kakashi's arm in a bid to make the man stay. "We are friends, are we not?"
"All my precious people are dead." Kakashi said, yanking his arm from Gai's grasp, not caring if it would
leave him with bruises later. "You'd be safer not trying to be one."
“That's nonsense Kakashi. Nobody will come to harm just because YOU care for them!" Moving to block Kakashi's way Gai squarely met his rival's gaze. " We have ALL lost somebody important to us before.."
“Who?" Kakashi asked, voice calm and emotionless behind his mask.
"Why does it matter?! I'm not going to play ‘my loss is greater than yours’ with you." Gai was the counterpart to Kakashi, neither cool nor calm, but flushed with emotion in his effort to make the other man understand.
"It DOES matter!" Kakashi slammed his hand against the doorframe. "WHO?!"
"Why?" Gai countered not sure this sudden violence counted as a victory or not but unwilling to bow before it. If Kakashi wanted to intimidate him he had a long way yet to go.
Kakashi gritted his teeth behind his mask. "Because whether or not I listen to you depends on what you say. Now, who? And how many?"
Gai grit his teeth, rarely had he ever wanted to deck Kakashi this badly. " Why, is there a special qualification you get with a minimum number of dead people needed?" was itching to fly from his lips, but he got the feeling no matter how angry this arrogance made him, pushing Kakashi further would not yield any results. Slumping against the door he nodded in defeat. "Fine. You want to know? I'll tell you." However if the silver haired man put him though this only to tell him it wasn't enough Gai would not be held responsible for any property and bodily damage that would result.
Kakashi crossed his arms and waited. He couldn't imagine Gai had the same perfect fatality rate Kakashi seemed to carry with him. Sure, two of his three students were in the hospital, but they were all in Konoha. They were all safe now. Kakashi didn't even have that.
Leaning his head back against the wood of the door Gai closed his eyes so that he would not have to see Kakashi during this task. "I lost my father and his brother during the wars. They died on a mission a few weeks before my birth. My first Jounin sensei was killed together with one of my cell mates later during the wars as well. The woman who replaced him was killed with my remaining cell member by the Kyuubi, as was my mother and my little sister." Tears had started making their silent tracks down his face halfway through the story. Wiping them of Gai glared at Kakashi once more. "None of my Gennins are dead, but....they came so close.." Fighting down the guilt over Neji and Lee's injuries anger replaced it. "Is that enough for you? Do I qualify for your special club now!" With his fists clenched at his sides and his chest moving quickly with short angry breathes Gai managed to look more dangerous in his simple pyjama bottoms than he did most of the time standing on the battle field in his green jumpsuit.
Slowly, Kakashi's aggressive body language relaxed, became more passive as he listened, though his expression remained even and unmoved. Once Gai had finished talking, without any sound, Kakashi attempted to duck around Gai and get to the door.
Blocking Kakashi easily since he was standing with his back to the door already, Gai glowered.
Kakashi sighed. Gai was going to make this difficult, of course. Instead, then, Kakashi turned and started to head to the balcony. It wouldn't be as convenient as the door, but it would be easy enough.
"Why are you running away from me again, now...?" the voice sounded as if it couldn't possibly belong to the man who had looked ready to jump and beat Kakashi just a moment ago. It was low, layered with sadness, exhaustion, loneliness and a dying hope.
At the balcony, Kakashi stopped, his hands against the glass door that lead out to it. "...I guess that makes it 53 to 50 now, in your favour." was all he said, though he didn't move to open the door after he spoke, just leaning against it for support.
"I told you I wasn't going to play this game with you." Slow footsteps sounded against the wooden floor until Gai stood behind Kakashi, close enough that his breath moved his hair but just shy of touching him, leaving that option open for Kakashi.
Kakashi's hand went to the handle to get the door open, then stopped. He wanted to run, yes, but... staying couldn't be any worse, really. So he leaned back against Gai, letting his eyes close. "I'm not as strong as you." he said.
Supporting his rival Gai wrapped his arms around him in an offer of solace. " It's not strength you need.”
Kakashi tried to ignore the peace that the warmth of Gai's arms brought. He knew he was betraying someone's memory by finding solace there, by wanting to just stay there and hide from the world forever. "Then what do I need?" Kakashi couldn't help but ask.
Thinking back at what the Not-Kakashi in his dreams had said Gai tried to formulate it into something Kakashi would be able to accept. "You need to let go of the past, and you need to stop blaming and punishing yourself for it." It was far from perfect but at the moment Gai felt to wrung out to try and bend his words into the proper shape. "You can't live in the past. The only thing it accomplishes is isolating you from the present...and the future."
"That's easier said than done." was all Kakashi could say. Gai made a valid point, and Kakashi had known this for quite some time. Try as he might, though, he couldn't leave the past behind. It wouldn't let itself be forgotten and in a way Kakashi felt he DID deserve punishment of some kind, that never forgetting or letting it leave his heart was his penance for it. ...and if he didn't remember, who would?
Sighing Gai rested his head on one of Kakashi's shoulders. "I know it is. But I don't have all the answers. Do you think that I am not haunted by the dead?" Allowing himself a brief moment of weakness Gai took comfort as well as gave it to the warm weight resting against him. "But I have to believe that they wouldn't want to see me doing anything foolish in their name."
Kakashi was a warm weight against Gai's chest, just letting himself relax there. He could do penance for it later. Why was Gai so insistent on forcing Kakashi to 'get better'...? Why did he care? "What do you want from me?" he asked.
Lifting his head and resting his chin on Kakashi's shoulder Gai shook his head. "I just told you."
"But, why? Don't you have anything more?" Kakashi couldn't believe anyone was so selfless as that.
“I would like to see you truly happy," Gai pondered. "And enjoying life with all the youthfulness you have left."
"I don't have any youthfulness left." Kakashi said, voice tired. "I became an adult when I got this eye."
"Even adults can have youthfulness. Just take Jiraiya-sama, he's a veritable fountain of it despite his age." Gai protested gently.
"I don't." Kakashi insisted, still not moving from Gai's embrace.
"Sure you do. You just forgot about it. All you need is to allow it back." Of that Gai was certain.
"I'm not sure that would be best for me, anyway." Kakashi insisted. "I think I'd rather stay right where I am."
Blinking Gai wondered whether that was a metaphor as well or not. "Well I guess it's is your own choice in the end," finally was his reply .
"Mmm." Kakashi said, sighing. "...Do you want me to stay here or leave?"
"I would like it if you stayed...." Gai fought down a yawn. In fact now that the whole adrenalin had left his system he felt tired again.
“And, if I stayed, what would you have me do?" Kakashi asked. Truth be told, he was tired as well.
Recalling what he had intended to do before Kakashi had messed up his plans Gai's nose wrinkled. "Probably get a shower and some sleep. If you want you can have my bed."
Kakashi sighed, thinking aloud. "Huh, how big is your bed?"
Gai searched his brain for a name for the particular size his bed had, but since it had been quite some time since he had bought it and he generally didn't pay much attention to things like that, he came up with a blank. "It's...a bit smaller then yours." he hedged. "But you're not THAT tall so you should fit well enough." Raising one of the hands that had been wrapped about Kakashi's middle he barely managed to cover his yawn.
Kakashi pondered thoughtfully. "...Would we both fit on it?" He wasn't in the mood for sex, but he also wasn't in the mood to be alone if he was going to stay at Gai's.
"Errr.. probably, but I...it might be a close fit." Gai really wasn't in the mood to put up with Kakashi should he decided to get frisky again.
"I'm okay with that." Kakashi said, carefully 'sidestepping' Gai's attempt to get out of it.
Dropping his head in defeat Gai sighed. "Shower first. You smell." Letting his hands drop he stepped away from Kakashi and moved to the dark doorway leading into his bedroom. "I'm getting you a towel and the bathroom is through here too." He explained disappearing in the darkness before the lights got switched on a second later.
For a few moments Kakashi entertained the idea of just leaving while Gai was otherwise occupied, going back to his own house and sleeping, wallowing in his misery that he so rightly deserved. But that would probably hurt Gai more than staying, so Kakashi just sighed and went to the bathroom. He stripped out of his club clothing with little difficulty, finding a few stains he previously hadn't known about. He took his shower cooler than he normally did so he didn't use up all of Gai's hot water as well.
Gai took the time Kakashi needed to critically eye his bed. He hadn't been lying when he'd said it would be a close fit. Yawning again he flopped onto the inviting sheets, the sounds of the shower lulling him into a light doze.
After he judged himself sufficiently clean, Kakashi turned the shower off and began to towel off. It occurred to him he had no sleeping clothing here. Well, at least he was comfortable enough nude, anyway. When he felt he was dry enough, he stepped out of the bathroom and to the bedroom, bothering with only his mask as covering for his face.
Snapping awake at the sound of the door closing Gai blinked for a moment before spying Kakashi and his decided lack of clothing. "I'll get you some of my pyjamas" he quickly offered almost falling of the low bed in his haste. "They should fit you well enough, after all sleep clothing is supposed to be loose anyway!" Gai rambled while rooting through a set of drawers at the foot of the bed.
Kakashi shrugged. "It's okay, I'd probably just overheat in the sleep clothing, anyway. I usually sleep naked around this time of year if I can."
Absent minded Gai nodded. "It is a lot nicer that way." he responded while looking considering at a pair of old shorts.
Without seeing any further objections, Kakashi padded over to the bed and climbed in, removing his mask only when he had the covers pulled up over his face.
Hearing the sounds of his rival settling down Gai shook his head and put the shorts back before straightening and stepping up to the bed. "At least you don't snore." he joked half heartedly before creeping underneath the blankets as well. Once there everything else lost at importance as the siren song of his big, fluffy pillow enveloped him. Mumbling a last "G'night Kakashi." he nuzzled against it and was instantly asleep again.
Kakashi did not fall asleep right away. When he got into the bed, he didn't feel sleepy anymore. Tired, sure, but not sleepy. Instead he found himself entranced by watching Gai sleep, eyes half-lidded. He wasn't exactly peaceful, but probably the closest he would be able to get to it.
Over the time since their mission to the hot spring Gai had grown accustomed to sharing a bed with Kakashi and sensing the body heat of another he drifted even closer then the small bed already forced them, ending with Gai securely wrapped around his rival and a content expression on his face that made him seem younger, like a young man again instead of the battle hardened Jounin and ANBU he was. The only thing spoiling that illusion were the many scars layered across his body.
Kakashi would feel terribly guilty later for feeling as close to peace as he felt now, but soon he was pressed as close to Gai as he could, falling asleep to the sound of Gai's heartbeat.