Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Shakespeare Lives ❯ The Auditions - Part II ( Chapter 3 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Author's Note: ::cough:: -_-; I have to confess, I have a great urge to turn this into a Naru/Sasu fic. But, due to the fact that I want to keep my sanity for the time being, I am not going to. ::eye twitch:: The last chapter didn't have a lot of auditions, this one does. If I miss someone, please excuse me ::cough::. I seriously lack energy and stamina, both, which I usually have a lot of. Anyways, thanks again to my wonderful beta and muse Miya-chan.

Pairings: None that I have as of yet. But who knows? Bugging me may get one…::shrugs::

Disclaimer: ::looks at documents:: I'm being sued? Oh, it's just a court warning. ::glares at lawyers:: How many times do I have to say I don't own Naruto! But I do own a bag of ramen, and you won't take that away from me!

Warning: Be prepared for possible OOCness, weird stuff, and the excessive use of Mr. Shakespeare.

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Shakespeare Lives

By Jia Zhang

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Part III : The Auditions - Part II

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A large portion of the people auditioning had already gone by. The morning did not seem at all promising. There were few, and when I say few I mean zero, good actors and actresses. Shino felt like he had gotten himself into major trouble. Supposedly, the play would be commencing in around one month. This was not nearly enough time to whip a pathetic bunch of inexperienced ninjas into grade A class stage actors. With a screaming girl next to him, and his former sensei, who was trying his best to hold on to his sanity while trying to find some aspirin, Shino was praying to the Gods for a miracle. Some kind of miracle. Any kind of miracle…The bug controlling shinobi felt like banging his head against the table, but he didn't want to cause a scene, as he was cool, calm, and reserved. No, he will not panic and scream like a schoolgirl. He was going to do this, and it was going to be a success, dammit!

By Megami-sama's will, he was going to whip these poor excuses for ninjas into the best stage actors this side of the Fire country, or his name isn't Aburame Shino!

I need coffee…Badly, he thought to himself.

Tenten was on the verge of following after Uchiha Itachi's example and just commit mass murder. She had seen bad actor after bad actor for the whole lot of the morning. It was almost noon now. Several kunais were littered across the stage (which was almost completed. The Anbus worked very quickly), care of bad acting, annoying Sasuke fangirls, and her own hormones. It was that time of the month again. Luckily, for the those auditioning, and were just in time to see Tenten blow up, none of those kunais reached any important body part, but was terrifying and painful enough to scare them silly. Tenten wondered what she had gotten herself into?

…Stage manager…she hoped she would get some money out of this, besides the satisfaction of scaring half the population of Konoha.

Someone's going to die today, she thought to herself.

Iruka wondered all morning long why he had never noticed his former students were all a bunch of lunatics. Okay, sure, they were exceptional ninjas, but…ah, hell with it…they were just scary! Unfortunately, he couldn't go and finish his work because they had not seen one good actor so far. Several times, they were so bad he had trouble keeping Tenten from killing them (or herself, matter of fact). Iruka was currently regretting to have ever agreed with this at all. He could feel a headache coming, much worse than the ones he usually got.

He hoped desperately that this would be over soon, and that he would leave this place with his sanity intact.

I need some aspirin, he thought to himself.

Respectively, our director, stage manager, and music/costume director, found themselves to be in way over their heads, especially since there weren't any promising actors in this ninja village. One wanted to bang his head against the table, one wanted to commit mass murder, and one wanted to leave with his sanity. Shino, Tenten and their former sensei, were not having a good morning.

Of course, there were others who weren't having a good morning. Kiba found himself auditioning against his will, victim to Hinata's kawaiiness. Shikamaru and Chouji were forced to stand in line, with a terrifying Ino glaring at them. Neji felt like killing himself, care of his freaky sensei, his clone, and a certain kunoichi. Hell, all of the Jounins and a good chunk of the Chuunins were forced to do it as well! Threat of pay cuts was their motivation. And what about Jiraiya? Our dear Ero-Sennin also had his reason for tagging along in this mass of insanity. The only one who seemed intent on getting a part, and had not been forced to audition, was Naruto, who was determined to beat Sasuke one way or the other. Although I don't think he understood the dangers of this play when he decided to audition.

Tsunade's evil laughter could be heard from anywhere within Konoha's boarders. The situation, for her, was not horrible at all. In fact, she was having a delightful time hearing what Shizune had to tell her about the little production.

“Hohohoho…I feel almost sorry for those guys,” she giggled rather evilly, sounding like a demented version of Orochimaru, if that was possible. “Almost.”

Shizune merely sweat-dropped and grinned at her comrade.

Well, it was not a good morning. And our dear crew was on the edge of insanity, or whatever you call it when you want to bang your head against the wall. Tenten groaned as she looked at her clipboard.

“I wonder how much worse this can get…” she mumbled.

“Much worse,” replied Shino.

“Much, much, worse…” added Iruka.

The dark haired kunoichi groaned. “Well, Kiba and Hinata are up next. They're doing a scene together.” She sighed. “I hope they're better than the last 160 we just saw…”

Scoffing, Kiba made his way onto the stage, Akamaru on his head, a timid Hinata behind him. “You know, you're the one who got us into this…the least you can do is be a little more forward about it…” he muttered to the white-eyed girl.

Poking her fingers together shyly, Hinata took a little step forward.

A vain popped on Tenten's head, as she tried her best to keep in her…frustration, her Itachi-ness, or whatever you want to call it, in.

“Go on, Hinata,” said Iruka, with a smile.

Shino was simply surprised that Hinata auditioned at all. “Okay…Don't worry about it Hinata, you'll do fine,” he encouraged.

“Arf, arf!” barked Akamaru.

“Let's…just get this over with,” sweat-dropped Tenten. Why's Shino so nice all of a sudden? She looked to him a little suspiciously.

“If I profane with my unworthiest hand,” he read from the book. “Uh…This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this…My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss…” This said this all with his normal vigor, not at all understanding the language of Mr. Shakespeare.

“Anno…G-good pilgrim, you do wrong your h-hands t-too much,” she stuttered, her cheeks beginning to redden due to anxiety. “Which mannerly d-devotion shows in t-this…For s-saints have hands that p-pilgrims' hands do touch, and p-palm to palm, is h-holy palmer's k-kiss…”

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” Kiba turned to the panel. “What the hell does that exactly mean?”

Tenten sweat-dropped. “You don't know what that means?”

“Who does? It's not our language…and it's probably a dead one too.”

A vein popped again. “Just read the rest of the lines…”

“A-a-ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in p-prayer,” continued Hinata nervously.

“Oh, then dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray - grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.”

“S-s-saints do n-not m-move, though grant for prayer's s-sake…”

“Then move not, while prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips,” spoke Kiba, “by yours, my sin is purged…” That's when it hit him like a twenty-toned elephant carrying a piñata full of rocks. Kiba looked at the book suspiciously, then to Hinata, then to the panel. “Do they kiss here?”

“Well duh!” shouted Tenten.

“Oh…” said Kiba; he turned to Hinata, who was now blushing, red as a gigantic tomato. Her pastel eyes looked up at him, before she turned away nervously. “Ah geez,” groaned Kiba.

“I think that's it for th- ” said Iruka with a nervous smile, but cut off by Tenten.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” shouted an exasperated Tenten, having cracked once again, and unable to contain her …uh…murderous instinct. “Get off the stage! Next, next, next! Argh!” She grabbed her head in frustration. “They all suck!”

“Hey! Urusai, you kuso onna! I don't see you trying bun-head!” Kiba shouted back.

“Bun-head!? Shut up, you baka dog freak!” retorted Tenten. She sneezed, apparently allergic to the puppy sitting on Kiba's head (she forgot to take her allergy medicine this morning). “And get that mutt away from me!”

“Dog freak!? How dare you call Akamaru a mutt, you crazed lunatic!” The two glared at each other.

Shino sweat-dropped as Hinata looked onto the situation nervously, Iruka shaking his head exasperatedly. “K-Kiba-kun, don't fight with Tenten-chan…Let's just go…” said the white-eyed girl.

“Arf!”

“Fine…” said Kiba, still a slave to Hinata's cuteness. However, before leaving the stage, he shot another glare at Tenten, who gladly returned it.

“You know,” Iruka spoke to Tenten. “If you're going to act like this to everyone, people are going to be too freaked out to audition.”

“Let's just hope there will be good people auditioning for this thing,” she replied.

A couple auditions later, and finally after someone died…Well, not literally. To make a long story short, Tenten got angry, threw a kunai, kunai hit the floor, kunai broke the floor, the floor went boom, and…well, I think you can guess the rest.

Thank Megami-sama for Medic-Nins…

Anyways, as I was saying before, a couple auditions and one near-death later, Naruto made his way on to the stage, fully prepared, a kitsune grin lit his face. This was his chance to show up Sasuke! He was not going to lose to that kuso teme! Naruto had worked very hard on practicing for this play, and he was going to get a part. Dammit, he was going to get one! Which part, he wasn't sure yet.

“And the next is…Oh dear God, not him!” groaned Tenten the moment she read the clipboard.

Poor Naruto. I hope he'll be okay…I hope Tenten doesn't hurt him too badly…thought Iruka worriedly.

I wonder what `kaa-san is making for dinner, thought Shino to himself.

Tenten flopped her head down on the table. “Please…just go on…” She felt like crying. “I can't take this anymore.”

Iruka smiled nervously as Naruto stuck his tongue out at her. “Alright, let's hear it Naruto.”

“YOSH!” said the blonde.

He flipped opened the playbook, clearing his throat. “Ahem…I am hurt…A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone, and hath nothing…Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, `tis enough…” He clutched his side, pretending he was bleeding, his face contorting to give a pained smile. “No…'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve…Ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man.” He laughed painfully. “I am peppered…I, warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your houses! `Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat…to scratch a man to death…” He took a deep breath, pretending to be suffering. “A braggart! A rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic!” He hitched his breath. “Why the devil you cam between us? I was hurt under your arm…”

Stopping, he smiled. He had practiced those lines all day, and he was sure he got them right. He blinked at the panel. “Ah…are you guys okay?”

Mouths dropped to the floor, Shino, Tenten and Iruka stared at him in shock, their eyes popping out of their sockets. They were shocked. Actually, more like immensely stunned by Naruto's perfect performance of Mercutio.

“He's good…” Shino finally spoke up.

“He's very good…” said Iruka.

“He's supremely good…” said Tenten.

“Where did you learn to act like that, Naruto?” asked Iruka.

The blonde stuck out his tongue, a smile on his face. “Dunno…” Everybody sweat-dropped.

“Doesn't matter where he learned it!” shouted Tenten. “Goddammit, he's the best we've seen all day!”

“So do I get a part?” shouted Naruto excitedly.

Tenten opened her mouth to say that he would get the part of Mercutio, but a hand came up to cover her mouth. Shino's to be precise. “Mwmwmwmwwhmmm!”

“You did a great job…We'll get back to you…”

“Okay…Ja ne, Iruka-sensei!” And he bounced off the stage happily. Iruka waved.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?” shouted Tenten, after Shino removed his hand from her mouth once Naruto left the stage. Their former sensei jumped a little in his seat. “HE'S THE BEST WE'VE SEEN TODAY! WE SHOULD JUST GIVE HIM MERCUTIO'S PART NOW! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

“Tenten, calm down!” said Iruka.

“CALM DOWN!?” She puffed. “I will not calm down! We just lost the best actor we've seen all day! What if he falls under an ambush? What if he's sent on a mission? What if he eats something poisonous, you damn know he's stupid enough to do it! What if he--”

“Tenten, stop! Naruto will be fine…I'm sure Shino has a good reason for not giving Naruto the part…” Iruka turned to the sunglass-wearing shinobi. “Right?”

“We should see all the others soon before we make a decision on who plays what role.”

Tenten growled. “Fine…But don't do that again…”

“How did you go from a nice kunoichi to a banshee?” asked Shino innocently.

She glared at him. “Urusai…”

A few more auditions and yet another near-death incident later…Yes, once again someone really got on Tenten's nerves. This “death” was a lot more painful than the other one, since a bunch of ANBUs had to hold the dark-haired kunoichi back (they were still a bit angry at the kunoichi for destroying their sweat-and-hard-work made stage. Poor ANBUs and their stage). Anyways, a little while later Shikamaru and Chouji made their way onto the stage to audition. Why were they auditioning, well, that was the exact question the rest of the panel was thinking.

Shino quirked an eyebrow. “Why are the two of you auditioning?”

Both of them pointed left. Shino, Tenten and Iruka turned to see a very scary looking Ino glaring at them. “Oh…” said the panel together. “Well that explains it.”

“Che…this sucks,” said Shikamaru.

“She even took away all my snacks!” cried Chouji in horrendous pain and suffering.

“Yeah, well, tell it to someone else…I really don't care,” said Tenten. “Just go already…”

“You know, you should be a little more sensitive to other people's pain…” said Chouji.

“Well, I relish in other people's pain,” replied Tenten.

Everybody sweat-dropped. An odd silence followed.

“All right, just go,” spoke Shino at least, breaking the awkward silence.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes in annoyance. Che…I wouldn't even be doing this if it wasn't for Ino…He glanced over at the blonde, who was glaring heatedly at the panel…or more precisely, someone on the panel. Geez, I need to learn how to say no to that girl… How troublesome…

Chouji, on the other hand, was almost in tears. My chips, my chips, my chips, my chips…She took away my chips!

“Gregory, oh my word, we'll not carry coals,” spoke Shikamaru tiredly.

“No, for then we should be cooli…coali…no…” Chouji examined the word closer. “Co..co…”

A vein popped on Tenten's head. Yet again.

Iruka wondered if he should have focused a little more on teaching his students how to read back when they were in the academy.

Shino wondered why he ever volunteered for this…Oh yeah! He had an obsession with Shakespeare.

“Co..co…” Chouji was still having trouble with the word.

“COLLIER!” Tenten finally shouted.

“Oh…um…No, for then we should be co…co…colliers,” recited Chouji.

“I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.”

“Ah, while you live, draw your neck out of the collar…”

“No, no…it's draw your neck out o' the collar, not out of the collar,” corrected Shino.

“But that doesn't make sense…Why not just say out of instead of the o'…?” asked Chouji.

“Because that's the way it is! Now shut up, and just recite the damn lines!” shouted Tenten, eyes glaring. If she were an Uchiha, you'd see blood red Sharingan eyes spinning, but of course Tenten wasn't an Uchiha, but her normal chocolate brown eyes were still scary, causing the rest of the panel and the two auditioners to cringe.

“I strike quickly, being moved,” continued Shikamaru.

“But though are not quickly moved to strike…”

“That's thou art not quickly move to strike, not though are not quickly move to strike…” spoke Shino.

“Uh…but thou art not quickly moved to strike,” continued on Chouji.

“A dog of the house of Montague moves me,” said Shikamaru. He turned to the panel, book still in hand. “There. We're done.”

All three panel judges look at the two in shock. No…not the shock you're thinking…

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” shouted Tenten. She lunged at the two, but was held back by Iruka. “LET ME AT `EM! LET ME AT `EM!”

“Tenten, calm down, please!” cried Iruka as he tried his best to restrain his former student.

Shino scooted his chair a little away from them. He turned to the other two, signaling them to leave as Iruka struggled to keep Tenten restrained. Chouji and Shikamaru beat it outta there as fast as they could, away from Tenten, and Ino too.

The bug controlling shinobi sighed depressingly, and sighed again around half-an-hour later, after the little fiasco with Chouji and Shikamaru. The Medic-Nins were soon going to ask Tsunade for over-time; they carried out yet another person out on a stretcher. The poor girl (a Sasuke fangirl by the way) had the unfortunate fate, as Neji would say, of auditioning and arguing with Tenten, who had completely cracked and chucked something at the poor girl, knocking her out cold. She might have had a concussion, but neither the author nor the Medic-Nins know exactly how hard Tenten threw the…said object at her…but a twenty toned weight thingy was later found in the vicinity.

Speaking of Neji, as Shino checked the list for who would be auditioning next (Iruka was still trying to calm Tenten down), he noticed that it read…

Audition # 221: Hyuuga Neji (Age 13, Gennin)

Behind his dark sunglasses, Shino blinked curiously at the name, as the one and only Hyuuga Neji made his way onto the stage. Now what in Megami-sama's name would make him of all people audition for this play? Shino thought.

The Hyuuga looked very angry. Very upset. Very pissed-off. And very…well…what's the word to describe when you feel like you want to jump into a pool full of leeches and let them suck your blood dry? Suicidal tendencies? Masochistic behavior? Hmmm…Dunno…Well, the fact was Neji did feel like jumping into a pool full of leeches and letting them suck his blood dry. Hell, it would be hell of a lot kinder than what he was going through now.

He glared hatefully (tried to anyways) at Tenten. The dark-haired kunoichi look away from Iruka's consoling to see the white-eye youth. A rather…sinister smile came onto her face. “Yay! Neji-kuu~n, you came!” she spoke rather happily. She blew him a little kiss, but he just glared at her some more.

I wonder what's going on between these two? Iruka thought.

She's up to no good…thought Shino. She got Neji to audition…I'm sure of it. But how? One word suddenly popped into his head. Blackmail. Just like Sasuke, Shino was sure somehow Tenten was blackmailing Neji to audition. The only thing was, what was Tenten using to blackmail the oh so powerful Hyuuga Neji?

“I hate you…” Neji growled at her.

Tenten waved her hand. “Oh foo…Don't be like that.”

“I hate you,” he repeated.

“No, you don't…”

“I hate you…”

“What's going on with you two?” asked Iruka.

“Nothing,” they said in union.

“Oh, Neji, just go on already…It's not that bad.” She smiled at him.

“Fine…stupid onna.” Neji took out the little book, flipped to an anonymous page, and began to read. “Yes, madam: yet I cannot choose but laugh, to think it should leave crying and say `Ay.' And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow, a bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; a parlous knock; and it cried bitterly: `Yea,' quoth my husband, fall'st upon thy face?
Thou wilt fall backward when thou comest to age; Wilt thou not, Jule? It stinted and said `Ay.'” He said this all…through a very loud, angry voice, not at all understanding what he had just said. And when I mean not at all, I mean NOT AT ALL!

Now, let me explain why this is so significant. You see, for those who lack an understanding of Shakespeare knowledge, this was said by the Nurse to Juliet. To summarize what it means…Well, the nurse, a bubbly character was talking about how once Juliet fell on her butt, and her husband told her to fall on her face till she came of age. Meaning…ahem…Shall I be blunt here? I think thy shall. It meant for her to fall on her face till the night of she'd lose her virginity. I think you get my drift.

Of course, the panel understood this. They had to; they were the panel. But, Neji was not aware that the Nurse was talking about a girl losing her virginity. He just read. And now, Tenten, Iruka and Shino looked to him in utter shock.

“Neji…you…stupid…idiot!” cried Tenten. “What the hell was that? Did you even know what you just read! You read the part where Juliet's Nurse said something about Juliet losing her virginity!”

“How the hell was I supposed to know? I just read! You didn't tell me what to read! And I didn't want to do this in the first place!” shouted back Neji.

“IT WASN'T YOUR CHOICE! I TOLD YOU TO DO AT LEAST A HALF-ARSE JOB!”

“WELL, I WOULDN'T EVEN BE DOING THIS, IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT STUPID P—” He suddenly stopped himself.

“Stupid what?” asked Shino.

“Nothing…” said Neji, looking away.

“That's right…Nothing,” gloated Tenten. She smiled at him rather…pleasantly…or evilly, whichever one you like. “Well, we'll get back to you Neji-kuu~n!” she spoke in a singsong voice.

Neji growled some more before descending off the stage. Tenten simply smiled and waved after him. “What did you blackmail him with?” whispered Shino quietly.

“Ooooh! Very observant of you, Shino-kun. Tell you later. Even you are going to crack up when you hear this…”

“Hear what?” spoke Iruka.

“What Tenten is using to blackmail Neji with…”

“Tenten!”

“It's nothing…Iruka-sensei…Trust me. It's actually quite funny…Besides, Hokage-sama is blackmailing Sasuke …”

“You do have a point there…But blackmailing is still wrong!”

“…But oh so much fun…”

“…”

“Hey! It's true!” She pouted a little. “Well, anyways…” She flipped the pages of her clipboard. “Next audition is…” Her eyes bulged out and her face paled, as a look of utter fear came over her visage. “Oh dear God…No…Not them…Anybody but them!”

“TENTEN!”

Gai and his clone, who is also known as Rock Lee…er…pinged at the panel, successfully blinding them for about a quarter of an hour.

Iruka sweat-dropped. Shino's vein popped. And Tenten…She was on the verge of tears. “No…not them…Sensei! Lee! What are you two doing here?!”

“We are here to audition for the play!” replied Gai.

“Well…obviously…But…but why are you auditioning?”

“Because…because!” Lee turned to his sensei. “Why are we auditioning, Gai-sensei?”

“We shall lend our brilliant skills to Konoha! We must help boost moral! Youth power!”

“Yosh!” said Lee, thrusting his fist into the air with his…sensei…

Iruka and Shino continued to sweat-drop as Goosebumps began to appear on their skin. And Tenten…well, she was bawling her eyes out, crying on Iruka's shoulder. “There, there,” he consoled.

“Why…Why…” she whimpered, continuing to sob.

“Gai-sensei, Lee-san, why don't you two just go on with your lines,” commented Shino as Iruka patted Tenten, comforting the poor girl, who only a while ago was on a rampage.

“All right!” the two shouted in union, causing Tenten to cry even more.

“Romeo! My cousin Romeo!” shouted Lee. No, it wasn't acting, just shouting.

“He is wise; and, on my life, hath stolen him home to be~d!” replied Gai.

“He ran this way, and leaped this or-chard wall! Call, good Mercutio!”

They pranced around the stage…er…acting? Or were they just being themselves? The panel does not know, and neither does the author.

“Nay!” continued Gai. “I'll conjure too!” He waved his arms dramatically. “Romeo! Humours! Madman! Passion! Lover! Appear though in the likeness of a sigh…” Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it), Tenten's tears (very loud tears) over powered the sound of Gai's voice as he said the lines, which was pretty long. “…And the demesnes that there adjacent lie, that in thy likeness though appear to us!”

“And if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him.”

“This connate anger him! T'would anger him to raise a spirit in his mistress' circle of some strange nature, letting it there stand! …Till she had laid it and conjured it down!” Some more prancing. “That were some spite: my invocation is fair and honest, and his mistress' name I conjured only but to raise up him!”

Lee look up admiringly at his sensei. “Gai-sensei, you're such a good actor!”

“Thank you, Lee! Work hard and you shall be as well!”

“Gai-sensei!”

“Lee!”

Sunset, rocks and big waves, they embraced. Iruka sweat-dropped, feeling the Goosebumps intensify on his body. Shino felt, once again, like banging his head against the wall. And Tenten…well…

“Oh my Megami-sama! Tenten!” Iruka had then suddenly turned to see Tenten passed out on the floor. She had apparently fallen backwards on her chair. Both Iruka and Shino rushed to her side, as did Gai and Lee.

“Tenten!” they shouted in union, worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“What happened?” Shino asked.

“I don't know,” replied Iruka. “I looked over, and she was on the ground. Poor thing…”

“The world is full of fluffy marshmallows and pink polka dots…” she mumbled dreamily, her eyes unfocused.

“Tenten! Can you hear us?” shouted Lee.

“…the moon is made from Swiss cheese and tastes like vanilla ice-cream in the winter…”

“I think she's really out of it…” Shino turned to Gai and Lee. “We'll look after her. You guys can go. The casting list will be up in about two days…”

“But-but…”

“Don't worry about it; we'll take care of her…She should come around soon…”

Still a little skeptical, but listening to Shino's words, the two…green beasts of Konoha left the stage. “Tenten…you okay?” asked the bug using shinobi.

“Unicorns are made from chocolate and flamingos are blue…”

“No…she's still out of it…” said Iruka. “Poor thing…Seeing them must have pushed her over the edge.”

“Iruka-sensei, maybe we should take a break. It is lunch. Best we resume the auditions after Tenten is…herself again…”

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“How embarrassing…” said Tenten as she got a glass of water from the water cooler. Moments ago, she had been awakened by Shino, who told her what had happened. “But those two…Why did they have to be here? Why, why, why!?” She sighed and drank the cool liquid. “And I thought I could get away from those two if I were in this production…But apparently, no…” She drank some more of the liquid. “I can't take anymore auditions…”

Suddenly, Tenten felt a hug of her pants. She turned to see Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon standing by her side. Kawaii! Tenten thought, but didn't let it show. Hey, being around Neji you learn a thing or two.

“Yes…?”

“Anno…Tenten-neechan…we were wondering…” said Konohamaru. Kawaii! she thought again. “…Could we help out with the play?” Moegi and Udon nodded in agreement.

Tenten sweat-dropped. Not more auditioners! her mind shouted. “…Go ask Shino…” she replied before stalking back towards the panel. “I can't take anymore auditions…”

“Are you all right now?” asked Iruka once she got back to the table.

“No…” she whimpered. “…But what can I do…?”

“Don't worry, it'll be over soon…” said Shino.

And once again they began the auditioning of Romeo and Juliet. Poor Iruka, Shino and Tenten…how they suffer…

The rest of the auditions went by much smoother than before (perhaps it was because of the fact that Tenten no longer held an urge to massacre all living things, or maybe it was the fact that save for the Sasuke fangirls, the acting was getting better). Izumo and Kotetsu had a scene together, and were quite good.

“Wonder who's uke?” whispered Tenten when they had auditioned.

“Izumo, hands down,” replied Iruka.

“…”

“Oh? How so?” spoke the dark haired kunoichi.

“Kotetsu's more aggressive…”

“Hmm…True…”

“…”

“And there's the height rule…”

“How much is Kotetsu-san taller by?”

“An inch or half…”

“That's not too much.”

“Still taller! Taller seme, shorter uke…”

“…”

“Don't look at us like that, Shino.”

A little while later, Genma, Kurenai and Anko auditioned together, doing a tragic scene where Lord Capulet forces Juliet to marry Paris. The panel found them to have done a brilliant job, and was quite thankful they decided to audition (the panel had just scene a group of Sasuke fangirls before…and it was not pretty).

“Wow…a threesome…I wonder if Genma-san has enough stamina…” giggled Iruka with a sly grin.

Tenten snickers and whispers back, “I bet he can go all night…He is a Jounin…” Now if only someone had enough stamina…oh the possibilities…

“…”

“What?” the two said in union, looking innocently at the bug using shinobi.

Speaking of pervertedness, a couple of auditions later, Hatake Kakashi made his way onto the stage, whilst reading his Icha Icha Paradise. He looked up. “Yo, Tenten, Shino…Iruka-sensei…”

“Hm…I thought you'd be late…” commented Iruka.

“Ah, only if I have to meet someone somewhere. Waiting in line…doesn't let you be late.”

“Okay then, why don't you do your lines…” spoke Shino.

“Sou da…He jests at scars that never felt a wound…” Kakashi began. “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun…Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she…Be not her maid, since she is envious…Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it; cast it off!” He waved his hand, as it to cast something away. “It is my lady, oh, it is my love!”

Kakashi looks directly at Iruka.

“Oh, that she knew she were! She speaks, yet she says nothing; what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it…” He looks down slightly. “I am too bold, `tis not to me she speaks. Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat her eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? …the brightness of her cheek would shame those stars! As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek…”

The three panelists stare at Kakashi in awe. The silver haired Jounin winked at Iruka, causing him to blush like a red tomato, as Tenten burst into tears. “That was beautiful!” she cried. “So romantic!”

“Yes…very well done…” added Shino.

“K-Kakashi-san…that was spoken very heart-warmingly…” commented Iruka, still blushing.

“Ah, well,” smiled the Jounin. “I was thinking about someone…”

Iruka blushed some more. Tenten eyed them suspiciously. “Iruka-sensei? Are you okay?”

“Yes! Fine!” said Iruka. “Kakashi-san, that was…um…really very good…The casting list will be up in two days. We'll get back to you…”

“All right…Ja…” Opening his Icha Icha Paradise again, Kakashi left the stage, but not before sending Iruka a smile (from under his mask) and another wink.

“Okay, what was that about?” Tenten turned to Iruka, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

“Liar!”

“Really! It's nothing!”

“Are you two going out or something?”

“W-w-what!?” cried Iruka incredulously. “N-no! What makes you say that?”

“You were ogling him.”

“I was not!”

“Were too!”

“Was not!”

“Hey, I'm not saying he's a bad choice. I really wonder what he looks like underneath the mask…I heard people say that he's quite handsome…Really, are you not going out with him?”

“…N-no!”

“What was with the pause?”

“Nothing! There was no pause!”

“Yes, there was!”

“Oh, will you two please just stop this!” Shino shouted (not very loudly though), vein popping. “We have more demanding issues to face, like watching the rest of the auditions? And Tenten, does it really matter if Iruka-sensei is going out with Kakashi-sensei?”

“But I wanna know if they're shacking up…”

“Tenten!”

“…”

“But I wanna know!”

Shino smacked a hand to his forehead. We're never going to get through this… “Whatever…It doesn't matter. Let's just move on to the next audition…Who's up next?”

“Um…” Tenten slipped the page. “Up next is…” Her eyes widened. “Jiraiya-sama…”

“Yes! It is I! Super Pervert, the Frog Hermit, Master Author of Icha Icha Paradise! (A best seller, by the way) I am here to audition!” He did his pose.

Iruka, Tenten and Shino looked at him in utter shock. “What?” he asked innocently.

“W-w-w-what are you doing here Jiraiya-sama?” asked Iruka.

“Yeah, that's what I was wondering…” said Tenten.

“Auditioning of course!”

“But why are you auditioning…?” said Iruka.

“Well…You see…there is a drive behind what every person does…Money, power, knowledge, love…And I too, have a drive. And this drive motivates me to audition for this play, to help Tsunade and Konoha! Hahahaha!”

“…Hokage-sama threatened to close all the bathhouses…” spoke up Shino.

Jiraiya paled. Iruka and Tenten sweat-dropped. “Oh…How noble…”

“Yes! That is my drive!” said Jiraiya, tears streaming from his eyes. “She threatened to close all the bathhouses with the lovely girls…if I didn't audition. No more inspiration then…No more Icha Icha Paradise…”

“Oh what an awful world that would be…” said Tenten sarcastically.

“Yes…it would…”

The three panelists sweat-dropped. “Just…go on…” spoke Shino.

“The gray-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night, chequering the eastern clouds with the streaks of light…” Jiraiya spoke. “And fleckled darkness like a drunkard reels from forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels. Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye, the day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry…I must up-fill this osier case of ours with a baleful weeds and precious juiced flowers…The Earth that's nature's mother is her tomb; What is her burying grave that is her womb…And from her womb children of divers kind, we sucking on her natural bosom find…none but for some and yet all different…”

“That was very well done, Jiraiya-sama,” spoke up Shino.

“Yeah…I'll say…” said a surprised Tenten.

Jiraiya's eyes curved into half-moons as he chuckled. “Hehehe…” Yes! I am going to get a part! Tsunade won't be able to close the bathhouses. My hot babes…Jiraiya will not be far away…

“…But, we'll have to get back to you…The casting list will be up in about two days,” spoke up Tenten, leaning on her hand.

“What! No, no! I need a part! Otherwise…” Jiraiya's mind floated to the possibility of no longer seeing sexy girls bathing.

“Noooo! What a horrible disaster! Please, give me a part!”

“We'll get back to you!” shouted Tenten. Iruka and Shino sweat-dropped at her loud out-burst. “For that pathetic reason alone we shouldn't even give you a part! How perverted, peeping at girls bathing! It's traumatized me enough to never go to a bathhouse again!”

“You're one to talk…” muttered Shino.

“What did you say!?”

“Nothing…”

“How am I perverted?”

“Did I say that?”

“No…But that's what you meant! I am not perverted!”

“Then why did you want to know if Iruka-sensei was, and I quote, shacking up with Kakashi-sensei…?”

Jiraiya looked to Iruka. “Oh, Iruka, you're shacking up with Kakashi?”

“W-what? No!” He blushed crimson

“So what?” said the kunoichi. “I was curious!”

“…”

“That doesn't mean I'm perverted, Shino-kun!”

“I didn't say you were…”

“But that's what you meant!”

“…Right…”

“Don't take that tone with me!”

Iruka and Jiraiya sweat-dropped. “Um…Maybe you should go…These two are going to take a while. The list will be up in a little bit…I'm sure Hokage-sama…umm…didn't mean she was really going to close down the bathhouses…” said Iruka.

“Well…I hope you're right…Oh, what disaster that would be!” He sobbed his way off the stage. Suddenly, Jiraiya turned and smile rather…pervertedly at Iruka. “Oh, and I hope you do shack up with Kakashi!”

“J-J-Jiraiya-sama!”

“I AM NOT PERVERTED, SHINO!”

“Didn't say you were…”

“Argh! You're impossible!”

For the rest of the afternoon, all of the auditioners had gone by, including the mountains of Sasuke-fangirls. The panel went through some good actors…some bad actors…and some super bad actors. All in all, Iruka, Tenten and Shino got through the rest of the afternoon alive, sane, and had caused only one or two uproars, and a couple casualties. But hey, this was the land of ninjas and over-sized animals; you were bound to get hurt one way or the other. But which one would you prefer? Get mauled by a huge tiger, or have Tenten shoot a kunai at you?

Finally, it was the end. Tired, stressed, and needing to get away from it all, Iruka, Shino and Tenten faced their last auditioner…Closet pervert #1! Ebisu!

“Yay!” cried Tenten. “Finally…finally…it's the last one…”

“I'm surprised you haven't really killed somebody today…” commented Shino.

Tenten shot him a little glare.

“Aw, c'mon guys. Ebisu-san is the last auditioner. One more and it's over…” smiled Iruka.

“All right…why don't you read your lines, Ebisu-san…” said Shino.

Ebisu pushed his glasses up a little and read from the playbook. “Thou art like one of those fellows that when he enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword upon the table and says `God send me no need of thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.”

“Well…that was as exciting as going to get my wisdom teeth pulled…” said Tenten. “…But, I'm just too tiered to make anymore comments on how bad that ways.”

“Insolent child! Don't you have any respect for your superiors!?”

“Superiors? Ha! I heard that Naruto even beat you!”

Ebisu paled. “Now where did you hear that ridicules rumor?!” He pushed up his glasses. “That's outrageous! I am a Jounin! There is no way I could be defeated by a mere Gennin. You must—”

A kunai hissed past his ear.

“Did you just throw a kunai at me?”

“No duh…You're annoying, so be quiet. You're the last person for this bloody mass of mad auditioners, which means…” She beamed. “I'M FREE! Yay!” She got up from her seat and darted out of the theatre. “Ja, Iruka-sensei, Shino-kun! I'll see you guys tonight when make up the cast!” And with that, she disappeared into Konoha, leaving only a trail of smoke.

Iruka, Shino and Ebisu stared after Tenten. “That was fast…” said Shino.

“Yeah…” spoke Iruka.

“Did she really throw a kunai at me?” commented Ebisu.

================

“Okay, okay…so far, how many actors do we agree on?” said Iruka. He, Tenten and Shino met later that evening to have dinner at the Kamikakushi Place, a Chinese restaurant. The three were currently deciding on which actors to use, since Shino (our director) would be casting them in the said roles.

“Naruto…” said Tenten.

“Kakashi-sensei…” said Shino.

“Genma-san…” said Iruka.

“Anko-san…”

“Kurenai-sensei…”

“Izumo-san…”

“Kotetsu-san…”

“And Sakura…”

“Wow…that's only 9 people…” commented Iruka.

“Well, the rest weren't exactly the most brilliant,” spoke Tenten, picking up an egg role and taking bit. “I still think Naruto would be best for the role of Mercutio. He really did do a good job.”

“But who else should we consider? We need 22 people for this thing…The extras aren't really important,” Shino spoke, taking a nice piece of barbequed pork and putting it in his mouth. “We have nine agreed upon, that leaves 13 left. How about Jiraiya-san? He did a fairly good job…”

“Hmm…Yeah, but I don't want him in the cast,” said Tenten.

Iruka looked to her curiously, taking a sip from his drink. “Why? I agree with Shino, Jiraiya-sama is pretty good…”

“I just want him to lose his bathhouse…” She giggled.

“…”

“Okay, okay! Jiraiya-sama will be another. That makes 10, and 12 left. What about Neji?”

“Even you said he can't act…”

“Yeah, but Shino-kun…With my blackmail, he might turn out to be really good. Besides, he could have a good personality for playing Tybalt…”

“Speaking of that, what are you blackmailing him with, Tenten?” asked Iruka.

“Okay…” she smiled. “I'll tell you guys, but don't tell anybody else!” She motioned them to lean closer, and they did. “All right, I'm blackmailing Neji with……”

“Oh!”

“Wow…Never thought that he…”

“Really? Neji? Hyuuga Neji? The same one I taught in the Academy?”

Tenten nodded and smiled. “Yep…”

“How did you find out about this?” asked Iruka. `I'd never thought that he of all people…”

“Well, I was pretty surprised too…I found out actually one day when Lee ripped my really nice new silk blouse when we were training, and I sorta chased him across Konoha, and luckily, that's when I saw Neji…and took a picture… I also had a picture of me stuffing Lee into a barrel after I caught up with him on the same roll of film…”

“Wow…Neji…Can't believe it…”

“Could I tell Hinata this after you're done with this blackmail?”

“Oh sure…I've got a lot of other stuff on him that's much juicier than that…But I'm saving that other stuff for later…” She bit into a piece of sweet-and-sour pork. “Now, who else should we add…? Oh, and Shino…Did Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon talk to you about…”

================

That night, Shino sat in his room, looking out the window at the dark night sky. The stars twinkled like fireflies, sparkling against the abyss. On his table were papers as he began casting the roles for each character, after he, Tenten and Iruka had figured out all the best actors for the play.

Shino considered carefully all the actors…their personalities…their attitude…their acting skills… He considered all the factors of a good play and good actors. He had completed a good chunk of his 22 main actors; the extras would be no problem. Many of the roles he had already considered and assigned to a person…but, there were still great difficulties in casting, especially many of the key roles.

Shino already knew that Sasuke was going to play Romeo. He knew that no matter how reluctant Sasuke will be when it comes to acting, Shino knew he feared Tsunade too much to back out of it, and with some work, Shino thought that Sasuke could turn out to be a half-arse actor.

His leading man was cast…and he would be fine with some training…

But…

What about his leading lady?

Who would play Juliet?

Shino had seen many girls in the audition today, and nobody, and I mean nobody, fit his mental image of how Juliet should be…A gentle, soft creature, with no sinful bone in her body…

But whom could he cast? Which girl would be best to play Juliet?

Shino was very afraid to cast a Sasuke fangirl. 1) He was afraid Sasuke would commit suicide because of that (forget Itachi! Having a bunch of fangirls was worse!), 2) Tenten may end up killing them, and 3) Shino himself didn't feel like dealing with such an actor.

He wanted to find a Juliet that would go well with Sasuke, someone would be able to compliment him, and vice versa. Someone Sasuke knew…someone he would be comfortable with…

But no girl fit that description…

Unless…

He chose…

Shino smiled. A smile that would rival Orochimaru and Tenten's evil smiles. This smile was chilling and sent shivers down your spine.

Lifting his hand, holding the pencil and writing the name down beside Juliet…

This was a mad idea…He knew he was going to get killed because of this. But it was the only way. That person would be perfect. That person knew Sasuke…That person got along fairly well with him…It would be perfect…

Shino leaned back in his chair and let out a laughter that ran through Konoha.

As when Dr. Frankenstein created his monster, Shino would give birth to Konoha's first Shakespearean play, and if all things worked out…It was going to be brilliant.

He laughed.

It was going to be absolutely brilliant!

================

To be continued…

================

End Note

Jia: Bwuahahahaha! Yet another cliffhanger. ::smile:: I am truly an evil insane nutcase. But what can you do?

Miya: Kick you very hard numerous times until you finish the chapter. ::weak smile::

Jia: Hey! This chapter is so far the longest, and most irritating to write, but I hope this makes it up for being late. ::cringes at the fear of her friend:: Damn you're scary.

Miya: I know…I look so peacefully and cheery yet I'm this sadistic inside.

Jia: T-T She threatened to disembowel me if I didn't complete this! I am a slave author!

Miya: Ripping things apart is fun. It can't be helped.

Jia: O_o Okay then…But it was also because of you I completed this before school started, so it's okay! Speaking of that, because of school, I probably won't be able to get the next chapter up soon.

Miya: School? We wont? Says who?

Jia: Says me, the slave author! Gomennasai minna-san! I have three sciences this year, and I wanna die.

Miya: Pfft. I have 2 maths, 3 languages and 2 sciences. What are you complaining about?

Jia: ::ignores Miya-chan:: But I shall live, and make this fic strive! Thank you for all the kind reviews! It was very encouraging. Sankyuu!

Miya: You bet this fic will live…I'm going to bug you endlessly in school to do this. ::Jia cringes:: ^^ We'll reveal thee cast next chapter. Domo arigatogozaimasu for the reviews!!

All the auditions have gone through, and the cast is made. But not everybody is happy with their roles. From day one of the rehearsals, trouble already arises. Shino has to quickly train these guys. Tenten has to get everything ready. And poor Iruka has to make all the costume (with help of course). Will they survive the ordeal? And what about our actors? Whose going to play who? What's Tenten blackmailing Neji with? Will Sasuke survive his Juliet? Will Shino continued to be sane? And whose watching them all from the rooftops? Find out in the next chapter of Shakespeare Lives!

Special Announcement! Miyako and Jia are currently trying to adapt Shakespeare Lives into a manga! Any interest? Please tell us!